Veep Season 6 Episode 3 Georgia
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00:00I want a presidential library.
00:04I'm the only living president who doesn't have one.
00:07And you want to know why that is?
00:08Because you served less than one year.
00:10Marjorie and I are having a baby.
00:12What?
00:13We're going to look for a sperm donor.
00:15You have to pick someone you know, that you trust.
00:17I wish there was some way we could do this without men.
00:20This is the dash cam footage from Buddy's arrest last night.
00:24I'm juicy now.
00:25Now I blacked out.
00:27If O'Brien wins the presidency, I can run against him in four years.
00:31Call Jonah right now and tell him to vote for O'Brien.
00:35O'Brien, 25.
00:37Meyer, 22.
00:41I would like to change my vote. I voted for the wrong person.
00:44As a former president, I'm proud to lend my stature to this crucially important moment.
01:01And it's just an honor for me to be here as an official observer of Georgia's first free and open election.
01:10And, in fact, the spreading of democracy is one of the cornerstones of my foundation.
01:17It is?
01:18So, thank you very much.
01:19And, uh, mug.
01:20Mugloba.
01:21Mugloba.
01:22Thank you so much.
01:23Thank you very much.
01:24Mugloba.
01:25Jesus. Democracy.
01:26What a horror show this is.
01:28I didn't even know Georgia was a country.
01:31Where'd our guide go?
01:32Oh, hey, Petrazzi, do you have any water that doesn't come from a nuclear power plant by any chance?
01:38Vodka.
01:39Vodka.
01:40Okay, sure, fine, vodka.
01:41Excuse me, it would be a great honor to introduce my daughter to the president of USA.
01:46Hello.
01:47One day you can grow up to be president.
01:49No, not you, your brother.
01:51Unbelievable.
01:53Can we do picture?
01:54No.
01:55Oh, it's okay, I don't have camera.
01:58Well, I'll tell you something, all of this international shit is going to be great for my book.
02:03This is my second act.
02:05Lena Meyer travels the globe spreading democracy like patient zero.
02:09Right, Petrazzi?
02:10Yes.
02:11Oh, boy.
02:12This place sucks my ghost, Nard.
02:14Why couldn't you have gotten me on an international election watching trip to Hawaii?
02:18Hawaii is rightfully a monarchy and will be again.
02:21Look, did you read the CODEL schedule of official events or were there not enough pictures for you?
02:27Ooh, sex trafficking workshop.
02:29It's an anti-sex trafficking workshop.
02:32Lame.
02:33Okay, that's enough for now.
02:34I need a drink.
02:35It's got to be 8 a.m. somewhere.
02:37Checking in, Mike McClintock.
02:40You don't have a reservation at this hotel?
02:43Richard, I don't have a reservation.
02:45Well, you are a last-minute addition to the trip, so it's possible...
02:48Oh, under a different name?
02:49...that we could make one.
02:50Richard Splett?
02:51Oh, hello.
02:52Madam President.
02:53President.
02:54Look at us, just like the good old days.
02:55Looks great.
02:56Shittier in every conceivable way.
02:58Indeed.
02:59Hey, hey, gang's all here.
03:00All right.
03:01We can win an election for a change.
03:04That came out wrong.
03:05Yeah, way wrong, right?
03:07So, uh, Secretary Doyle has picked you for elder statesman duty?
03:11Jail-date statesman.
03:12It's fine.
03:13It's okay.
03:14Doyle picked me because...
03:15So he's got to go to escape if things go wrong.
03:17Yeah.
03:18Yeah.
03:19They need political cover.
03:20Night and fog.
03:21Nacht und Nebel.
03:22Yeah, I haven't missed that.
03:24Secretary of State Doyle for you, ma'am.
03:26Oh, all right.
03:27Secretary Doyle.
03:28Please hold for Secretary Doyle.
03:30Okay, no.
03:31I don't get put on hold.
03:32Okay?
03:33When he comes on, he gets put on hold.
03:35Would you possibly give a massage for me?
03:36Yeah.
03:37You know, the one where the girl at the end...
03:38Oh, fuck me.
03:39Congressman Ryan.
03:41I haven't spoken to you since the historic House vote.
03:45Yes.
03:46I just wanted to thank you for all that you've done for me.
03:51And I want to let you know that I will destroy you in ways that are so creative
03:59that they will honor me for it at the Kennedy Center.
04:02Please hold for President Meyer.
04:04Oh, you're putting me on hold.
04:05Actually, if you could not, because she's right here.
04:07I'm here.
04:08I'm here.
04:09I'm Andrew.
04:10Goddammit.
04:11Please hold for Secretary Doyle.
04:12So, he who hath betrayed me standeth before me now.
04:17Hello, Congressman Ryan.
04:18It's been a while.
04:19I am going to find ways to destroy you so hard that everybody at the Kennedy Center
04:25is going to take a fucking massive shit.
04:28It's really nice to see you.
04:29So, I assume you're going to beg for your job back?
04:31It's a very kind offer, but I already have a better job working for President Meyer.
04:35I thought you knew that.
04:36Okay, you know what?
04:37I don't need you.
04:38I already have 434 brand new best friends, and we're all going to dinner tonight.
04:42And you're not invited.
04:43Sorry, Congressman Olney.
04:45Have fun.
04:47What's up, fellas?
04:48Hey.
04:49How you doing?
04:50Hey, you want to go monitor some dinner?
04:51I hear that horse is legal to eat here.
04:54I'm actually pretty jet-lagged.
04:56He's probably going to just catch up on some sleep.
04:58Let me know if you guys do go out, okay?
05:00I got a Jordan SIM card.
05:02Got text forwarding.
05:03I'll hear from you.
05:04All right, later.
05:06I was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion.
05:09That's not the Buddy Calhoun I see in the mirror.
05:12Although it would be if you stepped out of the shower.
05:14Now, Ms. Burkheimer, you're not only Buddy Calhoun's campaign manager,
05:18but you're also his fiancée, and congratulations on that, by the way.
05:22Thank you, Danny.
05:23Now, wouldn't you concede that when your fiancée exposed himself to a policewoman
05:29that he hurt his chances of becoming elected?
05:32I've seen the video, of course.
05:34You have? Can we roll that video one more time for our audience?
05:36And I try not to think of the politics of it all.
05:40And here's the moment where he exposes himself.
05:42That's right, yes.
05:43But for myself, I'm happiest when Buddy and I are on the couch.
05:52Can we play that again?
05:53Eating popcorn and watching Downton Abbey.
05:55In the interest of full disclosure,
05:57Ms. Burkheimer and I did have a brief relationship when she was a much younger woman.
06:03You did?
06:04Thank you to you both.
06:07We're clear.
06:09Ames, who's your favorite character on Downton?
06:11I don't know.
06:13Abbey, I guess.
06:15Yep.
06:18President Meyer's still holding on line two.
06:20Selena!
06:21So, Merman was a brutal bastard who ruled with an iron fist.
06:25He liked to insert the anus of his opponents.
06:27But when it came to the U.S. viewpoint, at least he was a good listener.
06:31Yeah, and he did a beautiful rendition of rendition.
06:34Exactly.
06:36But it's time for a change, so we're backing Professor Nikolai Genitsa.
06:40He's a new voice for democracy in the region
06:43and would be a major victory for the Doyle Doctrine.
06:47You have a doctrine now?
06:49What is it? Boners are rare? Don't waste them?
06:51Hey, did you think of that while you were walking on the beach with a metal detector
06:54or however you fill your empty days?
06:57That's nice.
06:58Look, Ed, just sit back, take your lead from the U.N. Special Envoy for Election Monitoring.
07:04What? Who is that?
07:06Selena.
07:07Oh, fuck.
07:08Myrna!
07:09Hi!
07:10You look absolutely radiant.
07:13Oh, thank you.
07:14Yes, you'll stay in the insane asylum. It's really agreed with you.
07:17Oh, it feels like a spa.
07:18No, a spa is where you go to get a massage and the like.
07:21You're in an insane asylum.
07:23Oh, it's been fun to see you.
07:25I have such a big day tomorrow because I have an election to supervise.
07:28I know, because I am supervising your supervisor.
07:32We have so much to say to each other.
07:34Look forward to it. See you later.
07:36Okay, goodbye.
07:39Hey, ma'am, we have a situation with your hotel room.
07:41What is it?
07:42Your bidet is splashy and there's no terrycloth robe.
07:45Wait, you tested my bidet?
07:47Don't worry, I'm going to fix this before top town.
07:49I don't care.
07:50I'm on it.
07:52I...
08:04Hey, Kent.
08:05Sorry, Mike, you cannot stay with me.
08:07Please don't make me make up a reason.
08:10Listen to me. I went to find a hotel room, right?
08:12Nobody speaks English here.
08:13Everything was really confusing to me and I was chased by children.
08:16And I think I may have voted.
08:20Mike, that is the kind of voting irregularity that we are here to prevent.
08:25That sounds bad.
08:26Look, please, can you help me get it off?
08:28Unless you want the entire thumb removed with a utility blade,
08:32I suggest you find another person.
08:35Mom, I told you I get more homesick when you call.
08:40Hi, what do you have that's like SpaghettiOs?
08:43It's in my carry-on.
08:47You know what? Forget it.
08:49I'm not hungry.
08:53Oh, crap.
08:55Oh, Mike, now's not a good time.
08:56I'm laying out our shoes, Mike.
08:58You have to help me.
08:59I accidentally voted and now my thumb's green.
09:01The same thing happened to me!
09:02Oh, my God!
09:03Oh, my God!
09:04How did it happen?
09:05Oh, my God, I went out to get a terrycloth robe
09:07and there was this crowd and I asked them where a Nordstrom's was
09:09and then the next thing I knew, they died in my thumb
09:11and an old lady who smelled like cumin wouldn't stop hugging me.
09:13Oh, mine smelled like paprika.
09:15Oh, God!
09:16We cannot let anyone see this.
09:18I can't afford to lose this job, Gary.
09:20But I can't afford to keep it either.
09:21I mean, it's so expensive to commute from D.C.
09:23and I haven't been paid yet.
09:25But I don't want to lose it.
09:26Yeah.
09:27I think.
09:28Hey, Gary, can I sleep on your couch?
09:30No.
09:32Hard no.
09:33It's a hard no.
09:35Hey, Mom, get some food before I run out.
09:38OK, I never ever want to see the inside of your mouth again, OK?
09:42It looks like a Haitian port-a-potty in there.
09:44OK, I just saw it again, right?
09:46Probably.
09:47I find this kind of booby display really repulsive.
09:50I know.
09:51Just a spoonful of this caviar would pay for a wind turbine for a whole village.
09:54Yeah, but do we really want these people to have electricity?
09:57Professor Nikolai Genitsa,
09:59his Georgia's only hope for escape this cycle of corruption and decadence.
10:04Jesus, you and Doyle really have a wide arm for this guy.
10:07You know that the moment that he announced that he was turning for the presidency,
10:11Murman tried to poison him in a sushi restaurant.
10:14Well, it's a miracle that anybody survives eating sushi in this country, Minna.
10:18He has some scarring, which is purely cosmetic,
10:21but there's still some cysts and some bubbling.
10:24Oh, my God, I need a drink.
10:26Selina, Madam President.
10:28Murman, it's so good to see you.
10:30Have you imprisoned any good novelists recently?
10:34Miss Huckinan, how are things in the international busybody circuit?
10:39Great, thank you.
10:41I was sorry to see that your forceful condemnation
10:44did not do more to stop the recent genocide in the Congo.
10:48Well, maybe next genocide.
10:50Oh, the one after that.
10:52Oh, hey, Ben.
10:54You sure do get around, don't you?
10:56Murman here is an old client of mine,
10:58and the only reason he hasn't been dragged naked through the streets
11:01and hung upside down from a lamppost with his cock stuffed in his mouth
11:05is because he took my advice from time to time.
11:08Guilty as charged.
11:10Okay, me too.
11:12Madam President, if I could have a word in private.
11:15Oh, absolutely.
11:17Although if it takes more than five minutes,
11:19I think that Amnesty International will be alerted, Murman.
11:22I'm not afraid of those guys.
11:24Montes and Doyle, they're trying to make Georgia more like America.
11:28Look, I saw your last election.
11:30No, thank you.
11:31Well, I can't argue with you there, Murman.
11:33Let me tell you a little story
11:35about growing up as a tire-burner son in the Gurjani countryside.
11:39No, no, Murman, no, no, no.
11:40I love your stories.
11:42And this is, I'm sure, shaping up to be a great one.
11:45Young Murman in the countryside, et cetera, et cetera.
11:48But I really do, I have to get...
11:50Selena, I would like to make a $10 million donation
11:54to help you build your library.
11:58I cannot possibly accept that.
12:02I mean, even the appearance of a quid pro quo would...
12:07No, no, no, there are no threads attached.
12:09And you should know that this donation will be completely untraceable.
12:13It will come from my Georgian AIDS Foundation.
12:16Such a terrible killer.
12:19Tragic, yes.
12:21But we're making real progress.
12:23We are. We are.
12:26I trust I have made myself suitably clear.
12:29As clear as the coffee table Danny Thomas had his hooker shit on.
12:33It's an American expression.
12:35Danny Thomas also founded the St. Jude's Hospital for Children, so...
12:40Ah, yes.
12:41There's the...
12:42The in and the yay.
12:43There you go, exactly.
12:45Your mother just added democracy to the foundation.
12:48So now it's the Selena Meyer Foundation for Adult Literacy, AIDS...
12:53And the advancement of global democracy.
12:56Hey, guys.
12:57Dan?
12:58So, uh...
12:59What's up?
13:00How are you?
13:02I'm good. I'm good, thanks.
13:05How's your family?
13:07I don't know.
13:08Uh...
13:09Why, have you heard something?
13:11No, it's, um...
13:13The thing is that Marjorie and I have decided that we want to have a baby.
13:17And we'd like to do it...
13:18I will give you my sperm.
13:20Oh, great.
13:22I thought that would take a lot longer.
13:24Nope.
13:26Is there anything else that you want to talk about?
13:29I'm good.
13:30Well, we'll send you the details.
13:32And if you could not ejaculate for the next 72 hours, that would be ideal.
13:36Okay, uh...
13:38Can we start the clock in, like, 30 minutes?
13:41Yeah, I...
13:42Actually, no, no.
13:43Make it 40.
13:44Girl, I'm thinking of, like, some talk first.
13:48Amber, it's Dan Dan.
13:51You in Midtown?
13:52Ben, I need to talk to you.
13:54What happened with Merman?
13:56Okay.
14:00He just offered me...
14:03A $10 million donation...
14:08To my library.
14:10That'll keep a lot of docents in Rockport.
14:12God, I'd go for a job where I could wear flats all day.
14:15But look, I can't take that money.
14:19Right?
14:20Right.
14:21Right.
14:22Right.
14:23I mean, I definitely cannot take that money.
14:27But hold up.
14:29If I did take it, would I be compromising my...
14:34Reputation.
14:35Well, please.
14:36Your integrity?
14:37Yes.
14:38My integrity.
14:39I cannot lose my integrity.
14:42Without that, I am nothing.
14:44How would we make sure no one finds out about the kid?
14:47Technically, a library donation would not be illegal under U.S. law.
14:52But what about Georgian law?
14:54There is literally no Georgian law, and I'm using literally correctly.
14:58So are you saying, then, that I should take it?
15:02I don't know. It's hard to say.
15:04Okay.
15:05See, at least when I was leader of the free world, people told me what to do.
15:09Okay.
15:10What happened with this?
15:11Did you drink it?
15:12What happened?
15:13I don't know.
15:14It's so crazy.
15:16So, look, I was thinking, Minna, would it be that bad if Merman actually did win?
15:25Well, that depends how you define bad.
15:27You know, I'm just saying the poisoning and the torture and the death squads aside,
15:33I think Merman is really good people.
15:36Honestly.
15:37And he's a hell of a storyteller.
15:39Really.
15:40You know, you could actually learn something from him, Minna.
15:43You know, his stories have a solid point.
15:46They have a beginning and a middle and an end.
15:49And it makes it kind of, you know, interesting to sit and listen.
15:52Nikolai Gennitsa Skyring, oh, no, he is the only hope for the Georgian people.
15:57Wow.
15:58He has the soul of a poet.
16:00Yeah, that and a car with a sunroof could have bought you my virginity in 83.
16:06You were 22?
16:07No, I was 15 in 1983.
16:14Right.
16:16Well, I was, Minna.
16:18Right, that's great.
16:19Yeah.
16:20Did I tell you that my son Otto tried to commit suicide and that he is now not speaking to me?
16:24Did he throw himself from a moving town car?
16:27No.
16:28No, he waded his boots and he jumped into an ice hole.
16:31I'm so sorry, into what?
16:32Into an ice hole, like a hole they cut in the ice for fishing.
16:36Ah, right.
16:38That makes sense.
16:40How much longer it is to get to the hotel, I'm not really sure.
16:43This is a long car ride.
16:44I think it's a matter of 45, 50 minutes.
16:46Oh, my God.
16:55Hey, Pinocchios.
16:56Your noses must have been really tiny yesterday because you lied and now they're normal sized.
17:02Representative Ryan, you were officially hazed last night.
17:07We got you.
17:09Wait, does that mean that I'm like in now or?
17:11Totally.
17:12Well, then let's go celebrate.
17:13I'm buying.
17:14Oh.
17:15By I, I mean the people of New Hampshire.
17:17In the immortal words of will.i.am, tonight's going to be really great.
17:23Oh, careful.
17:24Oh, tuck in.
17:25I got to tuck in.
17:26You got to tuck in.
17:27All right.
17:28Here I come.
17:29All right.
17:30Push in, push in.
17:31We'll take this one.
17:32You guys take the next one.
17:33Oh, I don't know where you guys are going.
17:34That's right.
17:39Fuck.
17:42Are you fucking?
17:44That's where that goes?
17:46Take off your fucking chairs.
17:49They have not seen Nikolai since the hake.
17:51Oh, really?
17:52Oh, we must remember not to react to his disfigurement.
17:55Wait, how bad is it exactly?
17:57Oh, well, he was very handsome before the poisoning, so we may not even notice it.
18:01There he is, Nikolai.
18:04Oh, welcome.
18:05Hello.
18:06You look terrific.
18:07Mina.
18:09Oh, she's kissing it.
18:10Well, that's why we muster us.
18:12Right.
18:13May I introduce to you the former president of the United States and my best friend.
18:18No, no, no.
18:19President Meyer.
18:22Oh, may I say that the reports of your beauty have not been exaggerated.
18:28Well, back at you, Red.
18:30And, of course, you know my old friend, Ben.
18:33Ben, doing God's work, I see.
18:35As long as the check clears.
18:37So, welcome to my humble abode.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41You find it a great contrast to the vulgar palaces of Mormon.
18:45I mean, you know, who needs all that champagne when you can have all these different kinds of wallpaper?
18:52Well, dinner is served.
18:54Great.
18:55I know that you will soon find we Georgians are a warm, friendly people.
19:00Oh, good, good.
19:02Except for our politics.
19:04Oh, okay.
19:08Mila?
19:09Mila, what is going on with you?
19:12Are you all right?
19:13Oh, Selena, you see right through me.
19:15Why?
19:16Because we are close as sisters.
19:17No, we're not.
19:18I know that Nikolai and I are not only bound by mutual respect and shared beliefs.
19:22We are also bound by powerful physical attraction.
19:26Oh.
19:27You've got to be kidding.
19:28We are, in fact, Lois.
19:30What?
19:31Lois.
19:32Lois.
19:33Was Scab Calloway?
19:35His very touch makes me quiver.
19:38Okay.
19:39And now we get to eat food.
19:43Good evening, Congressman.
19:45Those new corduroys?
19:48They're new, Ash.
19:50Well, I know you probably have a lot of other offers, but if not, you know, maybe you and me could do something.
19:56Yeah, maybe.
19:57I guess I could move a couple things around.
20:00The doorman told me about this really cool concert that he knew of.
20:03He said he thought I might like it.
20:05Well, luckily, the president gave me the rest of the night off, so I could put on my tourist hat.
20:14It's actually my favorite joke ever.
20:16That's so good.
20:17Do you want to go?
20:18Yeah.
20:19All right.
20:21We have adopted all the worst traits of Russia without any of the good ones.
20:28Not that there are many of those.
20:35So, it is now time for Georgia to face West.
20:41Eat it.
20:44Eat this.
20:47Why?
20:49Because I'm hungry.
20:52I need to know if it's been poisoned.
20:58Find a third way, a Georgian way.
21:02I don't, I don't, I don't like it.
21:05It's a nightmare, this.
21:07I think that's a laboratory, if you will.
21:10A laboratory for democracy.
21:12We will adopt what works and discard what does not.
21:17We will learn from our mistakes.
21:20Simple, right?
21:22No, my friends.
21:25It's delicious.
21:26Okay.
21:29Is there anything happening to me?
21:32I don't think so.
21:34Oh, there's carrots in it. I'm not going to eat that.
21:36Starting at the top.
21:45If I might have a private word.
21:48It would be a very great pleasure.
21:49With Madam President.
21:51Okay, sure.
21:53Okay.
21:56What are you doing?
21:58I'm hungry.
21:59Okay.
22:00Madam President, I have been reliably told
22:04that war criminal Murman
22:06had the audacity to offer you a ten million dollar bribe.
22:11Okay, well that is ridiculous.
22:15I agree.
22:16It is so much less than you are worth.
22:20I'm sorry, what?
22:22To ensure a fair election,
22:24I would like to offer you a fifteen million dollar bribe.
22:30How dare you, sir?
22:32I will remind you that I am the former President of the United States.
22:37You have lost a great deal of face in my estimation.
22:42What I meant to say, of course,
22:44is I would like to make a fifteen million dollar donation to your library.
22:53Well, that is something we can discuss
22:56as long as we understand that there is in fact no understanding.
23:01I understand.
23:02Nikolai, you say that you have fifteen million dollars
23:05and yet you live in this, you know, forgive the expression,
23:10but unbelievably shitty apartment.
23:14You see, because I have secret.
23:18Oh no, you can just tell me.
23:20I can hear you fine from where I am.
23:22No, but come here, come here.
23:24See, all this is just for show.
23:27Uh-huh.
23:28In reality, although I teach at the university
23:30and lead the opposition party,
23:32I control a telecommunication monopoly
23:35and own the most popular soccer team,
23:37the Tbilisi Bauxite Miners.
23:40Well, I've got to tell you, you really,
23:42you have a lot of people fooled.
23:44You know, I mean, even Doyle.
23:46No, Secretary Doyle is so gullible.
23:49Yeah.
23:50If you told him that Ravaganavlis was jack-a-pulley,
23:54he would eat it up and ask for seconds.
23:57I can only hope that Ravaganavlis is human shit.
24:00It is actually what you vomit after eating shit.
24:05I like your dimples.
24:17This is fucking beast!
24:19Very interesting.
24:21Hey, put that on.
24:22All the cool guys with the band's T-shirt.
24:24You know, this band's name translates to
24:28Panzer Division.
24:30What?
24:39I think maybe we should leave.
24:41Uh-huh.
24:42Excuse us.
24:43Excuse me.
24:50What did you think of Nikolai?
24:52Can I be uncharacteristically blunt with you?
24:55I can't imagine what that...
24:56The poison?
24:57Yeah.
24:58It did not engorge only his face,
25:00if you know what I mean.
25:02I think I do.
25:03It also engorged his penis.
25:04Yes.
25:05And made a very unusual texture of sea cucumber,
25:07so it's great for vaginal orgasm.
25:09Okay, Minna, which do you prefer,
25:11vaginal or clitoral?
25:12You know, I just come and get it over with.
25:14Yes.
25:15You know what?
25:16You can come just from your mind.
25:17What can I do to get you to stop talking?
25:19Now?
25:21Well, you have to walk 25 miles for breast cancer
25:24and attend a WNBA game,
25:26but I think we're gonna be okay.
25:27What are you doing?
25:28It's my hand.
25:29Amy, that morning when I heard you say
25:31that you were happiest curled up next to me
25:34eating popcorn and watching Downton Abbey,
25:37I figured it all out.
25:39The next governor without a bodyguard!
25:42I was just saying that for the cameras.
25:45Good evening, friends.
25:47After much soul-searching,
25:49I am announcing tonight that I'm withdrawing
25:52from the race for governor.
25:54No, no.
25:55I need to get out of this toxic world of politics
25:59and start to appreciate the things
26:01that really do matter in life,
26:05like the love of the wonderful woman
26:08who has agreed to be my wife.
26:10Amy, darling, come on out here, honey.
26:14Amy.
26:26Merman's leading by more votes
26:28than there are people in the country.
26:29Yeah, maybe he's busting an in from Chicago.
26:32This is not gonna stand.
26:33This election's going down like Eleanor Roosevelt
26:35at Dinah Shore weekend.
26:37Hey, ma'am, your phone is ringing right there.
26:39Well, do I work for you?
26:40Just answer it.
26:41Okay.
26:42Right?
26:43Look, you call Nikolai now.
26:44You tell him to start spackling his face
26:46for his inauguration speeches.
26:48Gary, just get it.
26:49I will.
26:50Okay?
26:51Gary?
26:52What the fuck was that?
26:55Please hold.
26:56It was an accident.
26:57Mike voted too.
26:58Mike voted too.
26:59What?
27:00Please stop.
27:01You two ding-dongs
27:02look like you fingered the Incredible Hulk.
27:04It's Merman.
27:05It's Merman.
27:07Hello, Merman?
27:10Madam President,
27:11I trust you're watching the returns.
27:13Yes, yes, yes.
27:15Listen, Merman,
27:16as fond as I am of you personally,
27:21I really cannot accept your generous donation
27:26to my library fund.
27:28Madam President,
27:29let me tell you a little story
27:31about growing up in the Gurjani countryside.
27:33You thought you caught a fish,
27:35it turned out to be a tire.
27:36The tire was full of fish.
27:38It's a great story,
27:39it's a very valuable lesson,
27:40but I really gotta go.
27:42Twenty million.
27:44Perhaps there could be a fountain
27:46or a snack shop.
27:49Well, Merman,
27:50that is a big tire
27:52with a fuckload of fish in it.
27:55But please understand
27:57that whatever decision I make
28:00is gonna be in the interest of democracy
28:03and integrity.
28:07Merman?
28:09Mm-hmm?
28:10How much?
28:12Twenty million.
28:14Yahtzee.
28:15I mean, they're both crooks.
28:18What's the difference?
28:20Five billion dollars.
28:21Exactly.
28:22So I have set the wheels in motion.
28:24In ten minutes,
28:25there will be a joint press conference
28:27in which we will announce
28:28that the IEC and the USA
28:30do not think that the elections
28:32have been free and fair.
28:33Good luck.
28:37Well, that is very strong language, Minna.
28:41Yes.
28:42Yes.
28:43And I wonder if we might
28:44phrase it a different way.
28:45For instance, perhaps we would say
28:47there have been certain irregularities
28:49in this election.
28:50Yes.
28:51Yes.
28:52And that is not uncommon
28:53for a young democracy.
28:55Yes.
28:56And that, therefore,
28:58we believe that Merman
29:01is the uncontested winner.
29:03Now, are you aware
29:05that that is the exact opposite
29:07of what you said just a moment ago?
29:09Yes.
29:10But I've had time to reflect
29:12since that moment.
29:14My concern is,
29:16I wonder if your judgment
29:18is being clouded by your feelings
29:21that are brought on by Nikolai's
29:23lumpy poison cock.
29:26Oh, my God.
29:28Well, I will recuse myself.
29:30Well, you don't need to recuse yourself.
29:32No, no, no.
29:33I will.
29:34Let's not overreact.
29:35You just take a deep breath, Minna.
29:37You're just in the middle
29:38of what we in America call
29:40a fashion fob.
29:42A difficult situation.
29:43Yes, and that as well.
29:45Yeah, in Finland we call this
29:46the fever of the sausage.
29:48Okay, so then you get it, I guess.
29:50So you won't tell anyone.
29:52Selina, thank you so much.
29:53No, no.
29:54You are such a good friend.
29:55Oh, well.
29:56You know, sometimes I...
29:57I don't feel worthy of this friendship.
30:00Well, sometimes I feel that way, too.
30:07Oh.
30:10I mean, honestly,
30:11that is the most grotesque country
30:14I have ever been to,
30:15and I have been all over Florida.
30:17Hot in here, isn't it?
30:19Can we get them to turn up
30:20the air in this cabin?
30:21Yes, ma'am.
30:22My back is just killing me, too.
30:24Ma'am, you are not
30:25going to believe this.
30:27Mike.
30:28What?
30:29Eh, forget it, forget it.
30:32Look at this.
30:37Ooh.
30:38Well, Merman's gonna have
30:41a lot of great stories
30:42to tell the firing squad.
30:47Wait a minute, is that our guy?
30:48I think that's the guy I voted for.
30:50Wow, that's like Gary becoming president.
30:54From the tea party.
30:56No.
30:57Oh, yeah, that is funny.
31:00Yeah.
31:01Also, I would be remiss not to thank
31:03President Selina Meyer,
31:05who not only assisted
31:06in the long-overdue ouster
31:08of Merman Shalikashvili,
31:10but also exposed his opponent
31:12as a ruthless corporate oligarch
31:15and, uh, not the reformer
31:19some had hoped he would be.
31:21Ma'am, the library fund
31:23received a sizable donation
31:24from a Georgian AIDS foundation
31:27late last night.
31:2860 million Georgian lari.
31:31Yeah, that's worth
31:32about $20 million.
31:34Actually, since the coup,
31:35there's been a slight dip
31:36in the exchange rate.
31:37It's now worth approximately
31:39$389,000.
31:42Way to go, ma'am.
31:43Selina Meyer is truly
31:45the godmother of the Caucasian spring.
31:50Madam President.
31:51Andrew.
31:52Un-fucking-believable.
31:53Yep.
31:55Thank you, everyone.
31:57All I did was stay focused
31:59on one simple goal,
32:01to free the peoples of the world
32:04from totalitarianism
32:06through open and free
32:09and transparent elections.
32:12And that, in a nutshell,
32:14is what I call
32:16the Meyer Doctrine.
32:50When people think about
32:51what's wrong in Washington,
32:52they think of him.
32:53And you.