Veep Season 5 Episode 6 C--Tgate
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TVTranscript
00:00I'm hearing that some banks may be requiring a federal bailout.
00:20Bailouts are not on the table.
00:22It is possible some banks may require massive capital infusions.
00:26That's the literal definition of bailing something out.
00:29There will be no bailouts. I was clear on this point.
00:31Very clear on this point.
00:34So next up on the hit parade, we get to decide which banks to bail out.
00:40Well, I hope to fiscal fuck the Fed has a trillion dollars stuffed in a mattress somewhere.
00:45There are three banks in danger that are going to need massive infusions of cash over the weekend.
00:49Essentially, we can only afford to bail out two.
00:52And if we do nothing?
00:53We go to the ATM Monday and dust will come out.
00:57This is not a decision we can make based on politics.
00:59No, of course not.
01:01But we've got to save Jander's capital because they're based in Illinois.
01:04We need Illinois.
01:05That's one.
01:06Paul Seymour Heim or E.M. Wheelwright.
01:09Well, Wheelwright is Charlie Barrett's bank.
01:13So?
01:16My pick is E.M. Wheelwright.
01:19You know what, Tom? I think...
01:21Oh, yes. What he just said.
01:24Could everyone who doesn't absolutely have to be here please leave the room?
01:31Ma'am, you cannot bail out Charlie Barrett's bank.
01:34Why not?
01:35Because that's going to look like you care more about your boyfriend than you do the economy,
01:38normal people and everything else you're supposed to care about.
01:42AIDS, for example.
01:44Thanks, cancel autism.
01:46Look, there is no love loss between me and Charlie Barrett.
01:50Though it pains me to say it, his bank is stronger.
01:53That's my point.
01:54It's the right call for the future.
01:56Ma'am, you are not going to have a future if you bail out Charlie.
02:00All right, I'm going to need some more time.
02:04At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb, he wasn't fucking anyone in Hiroshima.
02:09Oh, we know him.
02:10Hello there.
02:11I'm Jonah Ryan.
02:16And I grew up right here in the awesome state of New Hampshire.
02:21The granite state of the United States.
02:23For your family, for your future, vote Ryan for Congress.
02:27My name is Jonah Ryan, and I approve this message.
02:31So, now you have all seen the ad, and we want to know what you think about it.
02:39Anyone?
02:40I didn't like the guy.
02:42You don't like him.
02:43Okay.
02:44That wood he's chopping?
02:45It's not going to burn, right?
02:47It's not going to burn.
02:48The wood is not going to burn.
02:50What else?
02:52His head is too big for his body, but then sometimes his body is too big for his head.
02:58He's the wrong shape.
03:00Shape is wrong.
03:01Does anyone have anything positive to say about the ad?
03:08I like the kid.
03:09Yeah.
03:10He's cute.
03:11Like the kid in the ad, the little boy.
03:12Cute.
03:13But I did not like that he was next to that guy.
03:15I was like, run.
03:17Oh, surprise, surprise.
03:19Look who's here.
03:20Do you morons really not understand that this is a two-way mirror?
03:25Seriously?
03:26Are you shocked by that technology?
03:28I work in the fucking West Wing, you peppered farm ad motherfuckers.
03:33Fuck you.
03:34Watch your mouth.
03:35Sit your fucking mom jeans ass down, dude.
03:36You gotta learn to control your fucking temper.
03:37This is beyond language.
03:38I know the world of focus groups, and I think maybe we picked the wrong candidate.
03:49How is Catherine there and also here?
03:54She's not here, ma'am.
03:55Since when?
03:56Last week.
03:57Oh, my God.
04:01And then to put a fucking cherry on this shit Sunday, did you guys see that article in Politico?
04:06Meyers' five biggest economic mistakes?
04:08No.
04:09Recession has a new name, the Salina Slump?
04:11No.
04:12Gary, you have the machine?
04:13Yeah.
04:14Listen to this.
04:15In a further sign of low morale.
04:19Matt, you gotta read it properly.
04:21No, that's not it.
04:23Here we go.
04:24Why does it keep doing the turning?
04:27A high-level West Wing staffer was recently overheard calling the president the C-word.
04:33Can you believe this shit?
04:36Oh, wow.
04:38That's crazy.
04:39That's bad.
04:40This is broken, by the way.
04:41Ma'am, I think that we need to resume our focus on relaunching Jonah's campaign.
04:46We need a Jonah Whisperer, except somebody who's gonna, like, yell in his face and call
04:50him stupid.
04:51Oh, we need Dan Egan.
04:52Yeah.
04:53Well, Dan turned us down.
04:54But I've got some interviews lined up.
04:56We'll make the right choice.
04:57Well, are you doing it?
04:58Oh, yeah.
04:59You're just sitting here farting into my couch.
05:00Let's go.
05:01Let's go.
05:02Let's go.
05:03Amy, I need to talk to you for a moment.
05:06Yes, ma'am.
05:07I want you to find out who called me a cunt.
05:10Ma'am.
05:12Listen, with the votes and the banks, we can't have a traitor in our castle, right?
05:17Yeah.
05:18You need to bring me a head.
05:20Yes, ma'am.
05:21Hey, Dan.
05:22You want to go to lunch later at Handsong Korean Barbecue?
05:25Come on.
05:26I got a group on.
05:27Expires Monday.
05:2850 bucks for $100 worth of food.
05:29It's in Annandale.
05:30Mike, no one from D.C. goes to fucking Annandale.
05:33Hey, how about an $80 in-home massage for 40 bucks?
05:36With release?
05:37No.
05:38Then what's the point?
05:39Hey, why did you turn down the Jonah job?
05:41Jesus, Dan.
05:42You wouldn't know the smart move if it bent you over and fucked you with a Coke bottle.
05:45If Jonah loses, no one's going to blame you.
05:47If he wins, you're a political genius.
05:50I'll think about it.
05:51Think fast.
05:52Ben's interviewing candidates right now.
05:54Not worried.
06:00Move.
06:01Move.
06:02The widow bravely carrying the flag narrative has traction for about a week.
06:06After that, done.
06:07Hey, Ben, can I...
06:10Danny, you know Candy Crusoe?
06:12Yes.
06:14Can I speak to you for a second?
06:16Yeah.
06:17Excuse me.
06:24I'm sorry, Candy.
06:25The position's been filled.
06:27Thanks for coming in.
06:28It's good seeing you again.
06:31What's this about?
06:32Am I in trouble?
06:33No.
06:34The president asked me to speak to everyone about a certain matter.
06:38About the coffee pods I took from the kitchen.
06:40We had a brunch and I took them.
06:41I was going to replace them.
06:42No.
06:43Mike, do you know who called the president a cunt?
06:47No.
06:48I have no idea.
06:52Okay.
06:53I'm sorry.
06:54I can't do this.
06:55She put me in charge of this whole stupid investigation and it was me.
06:58I called her a cunt.
06:59You did it?
07:00I thought everyone knew it was me.
07:02I was in the Senate building with Dan and I'm sure someone overheard me.
07:06I shouted it into my phone on the Acela quiet car.
07:13Okay.
07:14I've made my decision.
07:15We are going to bail out Charlie's Bank.
07:18I don't care what hits we take.
07:20It's for the good of the country in the long run.
07:22Bravo, Madam President.
07:23Yeah.
07:24Ma'am, if I could just offer...
07:25Nope.
07:26I don't want to hear it.
07:27Okay?
07:28That's my final solution.
07:30Who wants to be a millionaire?
07:32Did you get it?
07:33I can't ever forget.
07:37It's about the people.
07:42Are you even getting any of this?
07:45Getting what?
07:46I was looking thoughtfully out the window.
07:49You didn't...
07:50Some straight up JFK level shit.
07:52I was just getting some B-roll of the fax machine.
07:57Ah!
07:59Come on!
08:01No, the state that you live in sucks.
08:05Sir, as your Director of Communications,
08:07I need to tell you that we just got a letter from the band Rush.
08:10Really?
08:11They said that we can't use the song Working Man anymore
08:13because they find you odious.
08:16You know what?
08:17I play what I want.
08:18Copyright shit went out with the Zoom.
08:21Whoa!
08:22I'm sorry.
08:23What are you doing here?
08:24Hello, Jonah.
08:26Richard.
08:27Hi, Kathleen.
08:28When you talk to me,
08:30you ruin the film.
08:31Always a pleasure.
08:32I'm here to be your new campaign manager.
08:35Holy shit.
08:36Are you here to beg me for a job?
08:38Hmm.
08:39As Director of Communication,
08:40I shouldn't have been alerted to this.
08:42Why don't you have a seat
08:43and tell me about your job history
08:44and we'll go from there.
08:45From now on, Jonah,
08:46you will shut the fuck up
08:47and do exactly as I say.
08:48And if you listen to me,
08:49instead of your only two brain cells
08:50busy butt-fucking each other
08:51somewhere in the vast expanses of your misshapen skull,
08:54then maybe, Jonah,
08:55you might have a chance
08:56at becoming a campaign manager.
08:58You might have a chance
08:59at becoming the first
09:00mentally impaired Frankenstein's monster
09:02to ever win an American election.
09:04And by the way,
09:05your banner makes it look like
09:06your name is John H. Ryan,
09:07so great job, Communications Department.
09:09I'm taking this office.
09:10Wait.
09:11That's my office.
09:13I got that.
09:16How do you look so good
09:17with all this dress?
09:18You're glowing.
09:20You actually look younger.
09:21What did you do?
09:22Oh, my God.
09:23He noticed.
09:24What?
09:26Uh,
09:27I have a new, um, facial moisturizer.
09:30Mm-hmm.
09:31Oh.
09:32And a new soap.
09:33Gary?
09:34Yeah, I'll just stand over here.
09:35Actually, I think it's...
09:36Yeah, but I'll just leave it around.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Listen, Selena,
09:39I want to apologize.
09:41Mm.
09:42I know that our relationship
09:43has compromised your job.
09:44Yeah.
09:45But you're the president.
09:46Whatever you decide is best.
09:49And it won't affect our relationship
09:51one way or another.
09:54Okay.
09:55Enough shop talk.
09:56Yeah, no kidding.
09:57All right.
09:58Let's talk about something else.
09:59Yes.
10:05Do you want to just have sex?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Yeah.
10:08It's got to be quick, though.
10:09I got...
10:10It reels up at 9.30.
10:11Ooh, that turns me on.
10:17Hello, ma'am.
10:18Amy, come to my office.
10:19Right now?
10:20Yeah.
10:21Of course.
10:25Set a reminder.
10:27Make an appointment to freeze eggs.
10:32Ma'am, are you okay?
10:34Amy.
10:35How's the investigation going?
10:37Oh, uh, fine.
10:38I mean the investigation
10:39of me being called a cunt.
10:40I knew which one you meant.
10:42Yeah.
10:43Well, it does occur to me
10:44that we've all got a lot
10:45on our plates right now.
10:46Yeah.
10:47So I think we should push
10:48this investigation
10:49until after everything...
10:52I want you to fire Jerry Dugan.
10:55Phil Neary.
10:56And, uh, what's her ass?
10:57Lisa...
10:58Hatch.
10:59Yeah.
11:00I want her out
11:01of the comms department.
11:02Okay?
11:03Because they should not
11:04have let an article
11:05about me being called a cunt
11:06get out in the first place.
11:07Right?
11:08Well, I'm not the person who...
11:09Fire them.
11:10Okay.
11:11I am the first female president
11:13of the United States,
11:14and this is an affront.
11:16Yes, ma'am.
11:21I'll tell you something, Amy.
11:23A lot of people
11:24don't want me to be president.
11:26And you know why.
11:27Because fundamentally,
11:28people hate women.
11:30Right?
11:31I mean, they'll just stop at nothing
11:32to get me out of here.
11:34Everybody's trying to get me.
11:36But I'm not gonna let them.
11:38You okay, ma'am?
11:41Have you ever been called a cunt?
11:43Many times.
11:45Well, now I have, too,
11:46apparently, once.
11:50Hey, Mom.
11:51I'm back.
11:53You were gone?
11:54Oh, right.
11:55You were in New Hampshire.
11:56Gary is now a good time.
11:58Mm-hmm.
11:59What?
12:00He's not in charge of me.
12:01Mm-mm.
12:02I just wanted to know,
12:03can we talk for a second?
12:04Yeah.
12:05I feel like since me ma died,
12:07I've had some time
12:09to reflect on things,
12:10and, you know, why things
12:12didn't work out
12:13between me and Jason.
12:14Uh-huh.
12:15Or the guy in college
12:16who wanted to watch me pee.
12:17Or the guy with
12:18the weirdly high voice,
12:19and I feel like...
12:20No.
12:21There were two guys
12:22with weirdly high voices.
12:23Yeah, there were two.
12:24Do you remember?
12:25I've been trying to think
12:26about what the through line...
12:27Madam President?
12:28Yeah.
12:29Oh.
12:30I have to deal with
12:31whatever this is.
12:32Okay, Katherine,
12:33so we can talk later.
12:34Guys?
12:35Ma'am?
12:36I don't want to hear it.
12:37Ma'am.
12:38I-I know.
12:39No.
12:40Guys, you know...
12:41Ma'am, this is serious.
12:42No, I'm not gonna rethink it.
12:43I've made the decision.
12:44Madam President,
12:45that is,
12:46if you'd like for that
12:47to remain your title.
12:48Wow.
12:49What?
12:50Uh, it's-it's worse
12:52than bailing out
12:53your sexual partner's
12:54financial establishment
12:554.3%.
12:56Hanukkah polls higher
12:57in Mecca.
12:58But it's the right bank
12:59to bail out, right?
13:00That's right, ma'am.
13:01But...
13:02But nobody understands
13:03the economy.
13:04Literally, nobody.
13:05Not literally.
13:06And then I think
13:07we lose three or four states
13:08in Congress
13:09just-just like that.
13:10What would you guys do
13:11if you had to choose
13:12between your cock
13:13and your balls?
13:14I could lose them both.
13:15I mean, at this stage,
13:16they're purely decorative.
13:17Guys,
13:18do you want to go out
13:19and get a drink?
13:21Guys,
13:22do you want to go out later
13:23for some hands-on
13:24Korean barbecue?
13:25Korean barbecue
13:26is a travesty
13:27and a far cry
13:28from authentic.
13:29Prime is plus one.
13:30Sue?
13:31Uh, no, no, Shiloh.
13:32That's Korean
13:33for I hate you.
13:34Marjorie?
13:35That is her name, right?
13:36Sorry to do this, everyone.
13:37But I've done
13:38some deep soul-diving,
13:39and we are going
13:40to bail out
13:41Paul Stevens.
13:42And we're going
13:43to bail out
13:44Paul Stevens.
13:45And we're going
13:46to bail out
13:47Paul Stevens.
13:48And we're going
13:49to bail out
13:50Paul Stevens.
13:51And we're going
13:52to bail out
13:53Paul Stevens.
13:54And we're going
13:55to bail out
13:56Paul Stevens.
13:57And we're going
13:58to bail out
13:59Paul Stevens.
14:00And we're going
14:01to bail out
14:02Paul Stevens.
14:03And we're going
14:04to bail out
14:05Paul Stevens.
14:06And we're going
14:07to bail out
14:08Paul Stevens.
14:09And we're going
14:10to bail out
14:11Paul Stevens.
14:12And we're going
14:13to bail out
14:14Paul Stevens.
14:15And we're going
14:16to bail out
14:17Paul Stevens.
14:18And we're going
14:19to bail out
14:20Paul Stevens.
14:21And we're going
14:22to bail out
14:23Paul Stevens.
14:24And we're going
14:25to bail out
14:26Paul Stevens.
14:27And we're going
14:28to bail out
14:29Paul Stevens.
14:30And we're going
14:31to bail out
14:32Paul Stevens.
14:33And we're going
14:34to bail out
14:35Paul Stevens.
14:36And we're going
14:37to bail out
14:38Paul Stevens.
14:39And we're going
14:40to bail out
14:41Paul Stevens.
14:42And we're going
14:43to bail out
14:44Paul Stevens.
14:45And we're going
14:46to bail out
14:47Paul Stevens.
14:48And we're going
14:49to bail out
14:50Paul Stevens.
14:51And we're going
14:52to bail out
14:53Paul Stevens.
14:54And we're going
14:55to bail out
14:56Paul Stevens.
14:57And we're going
14:58to bail out
14:59Paul Stevens.
15:00And we're going
15:01to bail out
15:02Paul Stevens.
15:03And we're going
15:04to bail out
15:05Paul Stevens.
15:06And we're going
15:07to bail out
15:08Paul Stevens.
15:09And we're going
15:10to bail out
15:11Paul Stevens.
15:12And we're going
15:13to bail out
15:14Paul Stevens.
15:15And we're going
15:16to bail out
15:17Paul Stevens.
15:18And we're going
15:19to bail out
15:20Paul Stevens.
15:21And we're going
15:22to bail out
15:23Paul Stevens.
15:24And we're going
15:25to bail out
15:26Paul Stevens.
15:27And we're going
15:28to bail out
15:29Paul Stevens.
15:30And we're going
15:31to bail out
15:32Paul Stevens.
15:33And we're going
15:34to bail out
15:35Paul Stevens.
15:36And we're going
15:37to bail out
15:38Paul Stevens.
15:39And we're going
15:40to bail out
15:41Paul Stevens.
15:42And we're going
15:43to bail out
15:44Paul Stevens.
15:45And we're going
15:46to bail out
15:47Paul Stevens.
15:48And we're going
15:49to bail out
15:50Paul Stevens.
15:51And we're going
15:52to bail out
15:53Paul Stevens.
15:54And we're going
15:55to bail out
15:56Paul Stevens.
15:57And we're going
15:58to bail out
15:59Paul Stevens.
16:00And we're going
16:01to bail out
16:02Paul Stevens.
16:03And we're going
16:04to bail out
16:05Paul Stevens.
16:06And we're going
16:07to bail out
16:08Paul Stevens.
16:09And we're going
16:10to bail out
16:11Paul Stevens.
16:12And we're going
16:13to bail out
16:14Paul Stevens.
16:15And we're now
16:16going to bail out
16:17Charlie and Wheelwright.
16:20Yeah.
16:23Now, you know what?
16:24On third thought,
16:26let's just stick
16:27with the plan
16:28before we're going
16:29to bail out
16:30Paul Stevens.
16:31Yeah.
16:32Yeah.
16:33So, who had
16:3412.30 p.m.?
16:41You eat?
16:42I suppose you need
16:43something to
16:44nervously shit out.
16:45Hello, Leon.
16:46It's always good
16:47to see the most
16:48left-swiped face
16:49on Tinder.
16:50Busy day.
16:51Three people
16:52fired from the
16:53communications office.
16:54I turn over department.
16:55Or is it a
16:56panicky mass firing
16:57because someone
16:58called POTUS
16:59a cunt in Politico?
17:00Ah.
17:01I just blew
17:02the lid off
17:03of cunt gate.
17:04It's not a gate.
17:05No.
17:06It's very much a gate.
17:07Untrue.
17:08You should watch out, Amy.
17:09You don't want to be
17:10the face of cunt gate.
17:11Although you do have
17:12the perfect face for it.
17:14So, it's spread
17:15to the insurance companies.
17:16Well, at least three of them.
17:17Jesus Christ.
17:18Yeah.
17:19Yeah.
17:21Oh, come on.
17:22Good evening.
17:24It is me again.
17:26Um, yeah.
17:27So, I was just
17:28talking to Mike,
17:29and I definitely want
17:31to bail out Wheelwright.
17:34That's a smart play.
17:37Mike,
17:38you fucking shag off.
17:39Is this about
17:40the coffee pods?
17:41I swear I was gonna
17:42put them...
17:43No, you told the president
17:44to bail out Charlie's bank.
17:45No, I didn't say
17:46anything about banks.
17:47I was talking to her
17:48about how Wendy paid off
17:49my student loans
17:50and how I love her for it.
17:51But you still have
17:52student loans?
17:53How old are you?
17:54I'm not good with money.
17:59Now, the widow's
18:00gonna get ten minutes.
18:01Then you get ten minutes.
18:02Hi, I'm John Ryan.
18:03So happy to be here.
18:04What a great cause.
18:05Stump speech.
18:06I'm listening,
18:07and I'm a doer.
18:08It's good to start
18:09with a joke about
18:10a local bigwig
18:11like Mayor Brock
18:12is here tonight.
18:13I guess when he had cancer,
18:14the doctors removed
18:15his ability
18:16to stop doing
18:17his kid's babysitter.
18:20Seems kind of harsh.
18:21I know New Hampshire.
18:22Trust me.
18:23Big laugh.
18:24Also, sir,
18:25some bands we haven't used
18:26have sent some preemptive
18:27cease and desist orders.
18:28Sting,
18:29Bruce Springsteen
18:30sent two letters, actually,
18:31and Enya.
18:32Enya?
18:33Yep.
18:34Send her a fucking
18:35cease and desist letter.
18:36Hello, Jonah.
18:37Good morning,
18:38Mrs. Sherman.
18:39I still remember
18:40that lovely
18:41macaroni portrait
18:42you made
18:43of your mother.
18:44I don't recall
18:45that macaroni portrait,
18:46Mrs. Sherman.
18:47Excuse me.
18:48You're on.
18:49Mrs. Judy Sherman.
18:53Did you hear that dick
18:54about the macaroni portrait?
18:56Can you fucking
18:57believe that?
18:58Hey,
18:59we're on a cold black.
19:00POTUS is on
19:01an opinion shopping spree.
19:03Come on.
19:04Hey, slow down!
19:06I'm coming in.
19:07Sue,
19:08we need to get
19:09to the president.
19:10Gentlemen,
19:11you'll have to towel off
19:12and wait.
19:13She's in with someone.
19:14Who?
19:15Whom?
19:16Come on, Charlie.
19:17One hundred percent.
19:18One hundred percent.
19:19All right.
19:20Great.
19:21Now, on the other hand,
19:22bailing out your boyfriend,
19:23I mean,
19:24that could be
19:25career ending, right?
19:29Yeah.
19:30Right.
19:31But I mean,
19:32if you had a gun
19:33to your head.
19:34Oh,
19:35maybe the gun
19:36doesn't have any bullets.
19:37Well, thank you
19:38so much for coming.
19:39It was my pleasure.
19:40Oh, gentlemen.
19:42Well,
19:43that was completely useless.
19:45Ma'am,
19:46we need a final decision
19:48right now,
19:49even if it's the wrong one.
19:51We just need a
19:52little bit more time.
19:54We don't put a plan
19:55into action
19:56tomorrow morning,
19:57and by Monday,
19:58we will be Greece.
20:00The country,
20:01not the musical.
20:02All right,
20:03here's my final decision.
20:05You will have
20:06a final decision
20:07by tomorrow morning.
20:09Have both plans
20:10ready to go.
20:12Now,
20:13I need to get on the phone
20:14with the Israeli
20:15Prime Minister
20:16and then the
20:17President of France,
20:18okay?
20:19They may give me
20:20some insight into this.
20:21Ma'am,
20:22instead of that,
20:23I got an idea.
20:24You can clear your head out
20:25and have a little fun
20:26at the same time.
20:27What?
20:28Yeah,
20:29I'll call Jonah and Dan,
20:30and you can tear them
20:31a six-pack of new assholes.
20:32Oh,
20:33that does sound like fun.
20:34Yeah.
20:35Okay.
20:36The President of 47 years
20:38asks you
20:40on his deathbed
20:42to continue...
20:43Dan,
20:44you're on with the President.
20:45Dan,
20:46I cannot fucking believe
20:49how terrible
20:50you are at your job.
20:51What are you,
20:52running on a platform
20:53of higher taxes
20:54and episiotomies?
20:55Ma'am,
20:56we just,
20:57we need a little time.
20:58Put that world's tallest
20:59pile of garbage
21:00on the phone
21:01right now.
21:02It's the President.
21:05Hello, ma'am.
21:06Hey, Hunchback,
21:07I don't know what you've been doing
21:08instead of trying to win,
21:10but I'm gonna guess
21:11that it has the word
21:12anal in it.
21:13Now,
21:14you learn to control
21:15your cock-sucking temper.
21:17Otherwise,
21:18I'm gonna come up there myself,
21:19and I'm gonna shoot you
21:21in your fucking mouth.
21:24She hung up.
21:25Fuck her.
21:27You know,
21:28Selina Meyer
21:29is a second-rate mediocrity
21:30whose only achievement
21:31is single-handedly
21:32tanking the economy
21:33but somehow
21:34we're the losers
21:35doing anal with each other?
21:36Her entire presidency
21:37has been one disgrace
21:38after another,
21:39and I'm bad
21:40at my fucking job?
21:41Fuck.
21:42You know what?
21:43That's bullshit.
21:44You're doing a good job.
21:45Oh, fuck off.
21:46No, this glass of shit?
21:47That was dope.
21:48These look great.
21:49That was a great idea.
21:52Go fuck yourself.
21:53And I promise
21:55I won't let anyone
21:57get away
21:58with wasting
21:59your hard-earned money.
22:05Thank you so much.
22:09I want you to go out there,
22:11and I want you to kick
22:12some new ham for ass.
22:14Yo, Granite State.
22:15Hey, how you feeling?
22:19I, uh, I see that, uh,
22:20Mayor Block isn't here tonight.
22:22Guess he, uh,
22:23couldn't get a babysitter.
22:25Or could he?
22:28You suck.
22:29Go back to Washington.
22:31I don't think that we need
22:32that kind of place.
22:33I took the liberty
22:34of arranging some hecklers.
22:35No charge.
22:36Yes, I was in Washington,
22:37and I worked a very
22:38high-level, important job.
22:39You helped Selina Meyer
22:40screw up this country.
22:42I, I think she did a fine job
22:44screwing up the country
22:45all by herself.
22:47Oh.
22:48No, I'm serious.
22:49This is so much more
22:50beautiful to watch
22:51than the birth of my child.
22:52Right?
22:53She single-handedly
22:54destroyed the country
22:55Right?
22:56She single-handedly
22:57destroyed the economy,
22:58but she doesn't care
23:00because she's too busy
23:01cuddling up to her
23:02billionaire boyfriend.
23:04And I don't know about you,
23:05but my boyfriend's
23:06not a billionaire.
23:09Her whole presidency
23:11has been one disgrace
23:12after another,
23:13and I don't know
23:14if you're sick of it,
23:15but I'm definitely
23:16sick of it,
23:17and I'm not just
23:18gonna sit here
23:19and take it anymore.
23:21What the fuck?
23:22My name is Jonah Ryan,
23:24and I want to be
23:25your congressman,
23:27and I won't back down.
23:30Thank you very much,
23:31friendly state.
23:33You feel me?
23:38All right, uh, Wayne,
23:39uh, when will we hear
23:40which banks are gonna
23:41get bailout money?
23:42No one is using the term
23:43bailout money
23:44except for you, Wayne.
23:45The, uh, details for the plan
23:47will be revealed later today.
23:50Leon,
23:51can you confirm the allegation
23:52that the firing of three people
23:53from the comms office
23:54is tied to
23:55see you next Tuesday gate?
23:57That sort of coarse language
23:58is far beneath
23:59the dignity of this room.
24:01And also, it's not a gate.
24:02Oh, it's a gate.
24:03No, it is not a gate.
24:04It's very much a gate.
24:05You know what?
24:06We're gonna elevate
24:07the conversation
24:08and go to my friend here
24:09at the New York Times.
24:10Mike, the Politico sidebar
24:11suggested that there was
24:12one staffer who called
24:13the president
24:14the worst thing
24:15you can call a woman.
24:16Why would three people
24:17fire...
24:18Okay, that about wraps it up.
24:19Thank you all.
24:20No further questions.
24:21Enjoy your evening.
24:22Now, Ben, this is real.
24:23That whole room
24:24was sniffing around cunt gates.
24:25Yeah.
24:26No, it's not a gate, Mike.
24:27That's no kidding.
24:28It isn't a gate. I agree.
24:29I said that.
24:30She's becoming seriously unhinged.
24:31She has gone full metal Nixon.
24:33Who do you think said it?
24:35We...
24:36Well, we did.
24:38Me and Mike.
24:39Oh, my God.
24:40I thought it was me.
24:41No way.
24:42No, I'm pretty sure
24:43I called her a cunt
24:44to the reporter
24:45who broke the story.
24:47Amy,
24:48it's probable
24:49that your investigation
24:50is already determined
24:51that I was the one
24:52that called her a cunt.
24:54I'm hoping
24:55that my utility
24:56to the organization
24:57gives you reason
24:58to protect me on this.
24:59Also,
25:00our friendship.
25:02Hey, Ben.
25:03Gary.
25:05It was me.
25:06I called the president
25:07the c-word.
25:08No, you didn't.
25:09What?
25:10Really?
25:11I was so mad
25:12about her not wearing sunscreen,
25:13which is stupid,
25:14and I was like,
25:15what an old crone.
25:17A what?
25:18An old crone.
25:20Old crone, Amy.
25:24Gary,
25:25C is for cunt.
25:27What?
25:28We all called her a cunt.
25:30Oh, my God.
25:32What is wrong with you?
25:34Oh, Madam President.
25:36Welcome.
25:37I've made my final decision.
25:41I'm gonna bail out Charlie.
25:43Madam President,
25:44you really don't have
25:45to make that decision yet.
25:46I mean, you got
25:47a little bit more time.
25:48I don't need more time.
25:49You know what's best
25:50for our country's economy?
25:52That's the end of it.
25:53So you're gonna go
25:54talk to Treasury.
25:55I'm gonna go tell Tom.
25:57Done.
25:58Okay?
25:59Right?
26:00Yes, ma'am.
26:04Hey, man.
26:05I know you made
26:06the right choice with Charlie.
26:08Because when you have found
26:09someone you love,
26:10you know,
26:11who makes you feel special
26:12every time he talks to you,
26:13and you can be happy
26:14just thinking about him,
26:15you know?
26:17I mean,
26:18he's more important
26:19than anything, you know?
26:21Yeah.
26:25Good morning.
26:26Good morning, ma'am.
26:27Good morning.
26:28Madam President,
26:29what brings you here?
26:31Let's do this.
26:35Madam President,
26:36what will you be buying
26:37for Mr. Baird?
26:38I don't want to spoil
26:39Charlie's surprise
26:40under the tree.
26:42But, um,
26:43I'm going to be purchasing
26:45a book of poetry
26:46by one of my favorite
26:47African-American poets,
26:48Wanda Coleman,
26:49and I've got my eye
26:50on a graphic novel
26:51with a very strong
26:52female Asian protagonist.
26:54So, Merry Chri...
26:56Happy holidays to everybody,
26:58right?
26:59Right.
27:00And let's go shopping.
27:02Please don't get me
27:03a book for Christmas.
27:04I already have a book.
27:08Well, it's Tom James.
27:09I should actually take this.
27:11No, no.
27:12That wasn't supposed
27:13to come now.
27:14Hey, ma'am.
27:15Yeah?
27:16Do you want to take it?
27:17Uh, what?
27:18No, just let it ring.
27:19Okay.
27:20She's like the French.
27:21I don't know why
27:22she keeps calling me...
27:23When were you going
27:24to let me know?
27:25I...
27:26I'm Chapter 11.
27:27Janders is buying my assets.
27:28I'm CEO of a
27:29fucking yard sale.
27:30Hey, Charlie.
27:31How could you
27:32fucking do this to me?
27:33What do you mean
27:34how could I do this?
27:35Politico was right about you.
27:36Hey.
27:37No, Charlie.
27:38You said it
27:39wouldn't let them...
27:40I know you had an eye job.
27:47You made the right call
27:48in the banks, ma'am.
27:49Well, you can thank
27:50when Gary met Sally
27:51for that one.
27:52He gave me some
27:53sappy speech
27:54and made me realize
27:55what an idiot I was being.
27:57And further good news, ma'am.
27:58Jonah had a huge
27:59polling bump
28:00since he hit on
28:01the strategy of attacking you.
28:02Oh.
28:03What?
28:04He's attacking me?
28:05Yeah.
28:06And the voters,
28:07they love it.
28:08Is that good?
28:09It's really good.
28:10Oh.
28:11Hey, Sue.
28:12Did Charlie call?
28:13No, ma'am.
28:14Okay.
28:15I really need to find
28:16a way to say to you...
28:17Catherine,
28:18I'm in the middle
28:19of a shitstorm.
28:20Okay, please.
28:21I've been trying to talk to you
28:22for three days
28:23and I need to tell you
28:24something very...
28:25What is it, Catherine?
28:26What is it that is so pressing?
28:27I've met someone
28:28and I know that
28:29this is awkward
28:30because you work with them,
28:31but we're in love.
28:34Who?
28:36Me and Marjorie.
28:39Who?
28:40Me, ma'am.
28:43What?
28:45Now you know
28:46I've been acting all silly
28:47and giggly.
28:48Hi.
28:49Hi.
28:50Look, we figured
28:51you guessed already.
28:52I mean, I know it's so obvious.
28:54Didn't guess.
28:55Didn't guess.
28:56I...
28:57Amazing.
29:00Amazing.
29:01I've told Director Parker
29:03I'll be resigning
29:04from your detail immediately.
29:08Okay.
29:09Um, I'm just gonna need
29:11a little moment
29:13to process all of this.
29:15Girls.
29:16Of course, ma'am.
29:18But I'm happy for you.
29:20Thank you, ma'am.
29:22Thanks, Mom.
29:23I love you.
29:38I wish Mother were alive.
29:41Because this definitely
29:43would have killed her.
29:45You know how she was.
29:51Ma'am, is this a good time?
29:52You bet.
29:53The investigation continues
29:55at a rigorous pace.
29:57So who called me a cunt?
30:00Was it everybody?
30:02Pretty much, yeah.
30:03You can go.
30:11No.
30:12No.
30:13Okay.
30:20Hi.
30:21I called ahead for $100 worth of food
30:23to go under McClintock.
30:27And I'll be using your Groupon.
30:29We don't take Groupon.
30:30You have to take Groupon.
30:32I already paid money for this Groupon, sir.
30:34No Groupon.
30:35Total is $184.12.
30:38Whoa.
30:39I told the guy on the phone
30:40$100 worth of food.
30:41Where's this $89 coming from?
30:43That's your problem, sir.
30:48Shit.
30:49Oh, my God.
30:50Oh, my God.
30:51Jamie.
30:57No, no, no, no.
31:09I can't stop smiling.
31:11Neither can I.