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Short filmTranscript
00:00What are we supposed to do about it?
00:04Well, I'd switch it off if I was you, Del.
00:06The main petrol line runs right underneath there.
00:0890!
00:10Oi! Ben!
00:12We've got to do something about this!
00:14Someone get some water!
00:15Good idea! Water! We need loads of water!
00:17Ain't this coach fitted with a fire distinguisher?
00:21Abandon ship! Come on, get up there!
00:23And what about that time he entered one of your paintings in a competition
00:25and you won first prize in the under 15 category?
00:29Yes, I do seem to recollect it, but I don't think you...
00:32And I had to spend a week in Majorca posing as your common law stepmother.
00:35Come on then, everybody! Hurry up!
00:38All right.
00:40Look, I agree that Del gets a bit out of hand,
00:43but I think it's unfair to say that everything he touches goes wrong.
00:47What's wrong?
01:01Our coach is just blown out.
01:05Don't worry, Harry. I won't tell your governor about it.
01:18Oh, I don't believe it. There's only a bloody rail track.
01:24My son is being christened in three weeks' time.
01:27What about my cat?
01:28I've got a pub to run, Del.
01:29I suppose there'll be a bird at nine.
01:30And I lost my dolphin.
01:31Just shut up!
01:33What about the green line? There's a bus stop over there.
01:36Yes, good idea, Denzel.
01:38That's it.
01:40We've got to do something about this!
01:42We've got to do something about this!
01:44We've got to do something about this!
01:46We've got to do something about this!
01:52Now, let's...
01:54There you are.
01:55The next bus to London is at 20 hundred hours.
01:59What's that mean, Rodney?
02:01Eight o'clock, so we've got half our way.
02:04Ah, well, that's not too bad.
02:06Wait a minute. That's the normal schedule.
02:08Look here.
02:09Bank holiday's Christmas.
02:10Last bus goes at 19.20.
02:12We missed about ten minutes.
02:13So when is the next one, then?
02:14Ten past eight tomorrow morning.
02:15Oh, no.
02:18We've got hitchhike.
02:19What?
02:2027 of us.
02:22I remember once you started a war.
02:24Oh, don't start on...
02:26We've had enough of your stupid stories for one day, Albert.
02:28Oi, oi, oi, watch it. He's a war hero.
02:30He's got a right to speak.
02:31I fought for free speech.
02:33Shut up.
02:36So why does he have to keep saying such stupid things, then?
02:38Look, you keep on, Mickey,
02:39and the back of my hand is going to have a quiet web of your ear holes.
02:41Oh, that's it.
02:42Let's all have a punch up in the middle of the street.
02:44That'd put the cherry on the cake, wouldn't it?
02:46And this is the last time I come out on the pinot with you.
02:48That's the last time I'm going to invite you.
02:50And I'll tell you another time.
02:52Calm down, calm down.
02:53You're getting nowhere arguing.
02:55Now, let's look at the facts.
02:57What we've got here is obstance of choice.
02:59Can't get a train.
03:00Last bus is gone.
03:01Our own vehicle is somewhat out of action.
03:04The coach company's promised to send a replacement vehicle
03:06tomorrow morning at nine o'clock.
03:07So there you have it, gentlemen.
03:09So what are you saying?
03:11What I'm saying is,
03:12we're going to have to spend the night here.
03:14We'll book into a hotel, bed and breakfast, only for one night.
03:16You seem to be forgetting something.
03:18This is a bank holiday.
03:20This town is full to the rafters with holidaymakers.
03:22Where are we going to find a room?
03:24Well, there's bound to be a couple of them still vacant.
03:26Yes, but there's 27 of us.
03:33Uh, me and Mickey are going to take a little walk on the seafront.
03:37Yeah, well,
03:39we feel like, um, you know, stretching our legs.
03:42I quite fancy taking the night hour.
03:45How about you, Michael?
04:09We've been down this road once already, haven't we?
04:19We've been every bloody where.
04:21We've walked further than the Jarrah Marchers.
04:23Yeah, and they were all out of work and starving,
04:25and I bet they didn't moan as much as you two.
04:27God, Ben.
04:29Here, hang about.
04:30Look at that.
04:31I told you something would turn up, didn't I?
04:32Look, vacancies, eh?
04:34Come on.
04:36Lovely, lovely.
04:39Phew.
04:41If you'd just like to wait here, please.
04:42Oh, right, thank you.
04:43Mrs Baker?
04:45Smell that, Rodney, can you smell that?
04:47That's roast potatoes, isn't it?
04:49Yeah, and gravy.
04:51And steak and kidney pie, unless I'm mistaken.
04:53We've fallen on our feet here, haven't we?
04:55Yeah, and I am starving.
04:57I know, so am I.
04:58Ain't he a beautiful cat, eh?
05:00And he likes me.
05:02They're probably in love with that beard.
05:06Oh.
05:07Good evening.
05:08Good evening.
05:09Anyway, look, we'd like a room for the night.
05:11You know, you can chuck in an evening meal,
05:13a bit of brekkers, you know, that sort of thing.
05:15What a shame.
05:16I let the last of my rooms out about an hour ago.
05:19No, you've got a sign in the window saying vacancies.
05:22Is the sign still there?
05:23Oh, that silly girl.
05:25I told her to take it down.
05:27Excuse me, please.
05:28Helen.
05:30You forgot to take the sign out of the window.
05:32Oh, sorry, Mrs Baker.
05:34Serve dinner, then I'll see to it.
05:36Oh, sorry.
05:39I am sorry, gentlemen.
05:41Could we keep down in your flat room?
05:43Yeah, or on the landing.
05:44Yeah, or in the airing cupboard, you know, anywhere.
05:46I'd love to help, but it's the regulations, you see.
05:49Well, is there anywhere around here we can get a room for the night?
05:52Well, it's difficult.
05:53It's a bank holiday weekend, you see,
05:55and this rail strike doesn't make things any better.
05:58You could try.
06:00Maybe not.
06:01No, please, where?
06:02Well, you could try Mrs Creswell's.
06:04She's at the Villa Bella, just across the square.
06:07She's always got vacancies.
06:09Oh, right, well, thank you.
06:11We'll go and knock her up, then.
06:12Yes, thanks very much.
06:19And the next thing you know, whoosh, well, they went.
06:22Did you see Doughboy's face?
06:24Oh, I wish I had my video camera with me.
06:26Oh, look who's here.
06:28It's the coachbusters.
06:31Are you staying here as well?
06:32No, no, no, we're not.
06:34Oh, that's a shame, because you would have liked it here.
06:36We've had a lovely hot bath, H.
06:38Nice warm room.
06:39And the food's great.
06:40You would have really liked it here.
06:42Yeah, well, we don't care,
06:44because we've got somewhere even better to go.
06:46Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah.
06:48Yeah, so you're not going to the Villa Bella, are you?
06:51Um, no, no, we're not, no.
06:53No, no, we're not.
06:55We're going down a...
06:57It's a secret.
07:00It's a relief.
07:01It's beginning to feel guilty,
07:03because it's so nice here.
07:07How's your disease, Denzel?
07:11I have not got a disease.
07:13It is an ear infection.
07:15Yeah, Mrs Baker, would you make sure that he takes his tablets?
07:17Only the doctors down at the clinic for iffy diseases did say it was contagious.
07:22Well, I mean, at least they said they hope it wasn't.
07:25Bon appétit, gits.
07:30Gits, yeah.
07:39Come along, look, there it is, look.
07:41The Villa Bella.
07:54Well, come along.
07:56Have a look, isn't there?
07:59Look at the bed.
08:01Look at it.
08:03It looks like the Munster's weekend place.
08:07Oh, come on, Dil, let's find somewhere else.
08:09Oh, Rodney, where?
08:11We've been everywhere in the town, haven't we, eh?
08:13Look at it, it's going to start chucking it down again in a minute,
08:16then we're going to get soaked and frozen.
08:18Oh, come on, this is our last chance.
08:21You never know, it might be rather nice inside.
08:24Well, I'm game.
08:25There you are, that's the spirit, Uncle.
08:27He who dares, wins.
08:29Eh? Go on, go and ring the bell.
08:32Go on, go and ring the bell, hurry up.
08:58Are you Mrs Cresswell?
09:01Yes.
09:03Oh, she's just sent the lady down the road, Mrs Baker.
09:06She recommended us to you, said might have a room for the night.
09:09Come in.
09:27Are you Bella?
09:28No.
09:30Bella died ten years ago.
09:33I hope they've buried her.
09:39It's cold, isn't it?
09:41That's the weather.
09:42Oh, is it? I don't know, I'm a stranger round here.
09:47I've got a three-bedded room vacant.
09:49It's ten pounds a night each,
09:51and that includes a traditional English breakfast.
09:53Oh, well, that sounds just the ticket, Mrs Cresswell.
09:56That'll be 30 pounds in advance.
09:58Sign the book.
09:59Fine.
10:00Inga, show these gentlemen up to the blue room.
10:03Can't you see I'm serving dinner?
10:05I've only got the one pair of hands.
10:07Well, show them up after you've served dinner.
10:09Do everything yourself round here.
10:15I'm training her.
10:16She's coming on a bundle, isn't she?
10:20The front door is locked at 11pm
10:22and not opened again until 9am.
10:24Yes, Cresswell.
10:30Come on, it's up here.
10:35Whichever, come on!
10:36Let's go and get them.
10:42Out.
10:54Out.
10:59Move over a bit.
11:00You've got most of the beds.
11:03You're pulling the covers off me.
11:05Leave it at you two.
11:07Don't carry on like this all night.
11:10Tell him to stop pulling the covers off me.
11:13Rodney, stop pulling the covers off Albert.
11:15Well, tell him to get over to his own side of the beds.
11:18Albert, will you get over to your own side?
11:21Well, this is like spending a long weekend
11:23with Zippy and Bungle.
11:30Gold knows what Cassandra would say if she was here.
11:33She may probably say,
11:34Roddy, what's your uncle doing in bed with us?
11:40It's all right for you, Derek.
11:41This happens to be my first night away from Cassandra
11:44for a whole year.
11:45Oh, I bet she were not glad.
11:51What's that supposed to mean?
11:52Is this the way you carry on when you're in bed with her?
11:55Well, of course it's not.
11:56So why are you giving me all this aggro?
11:59Because there is a great deal of difference
12:02between sleeping with Cassandra and kipping with you.
12:05Like what?
12:06Like...
12:08All right.
12:09Like she smells nice.
12:11Like she wears...
12:13things.
12:15Oi, oi, oi, well back, well back.
12:18And like she hasn't got a dopey white beard
12:20that keeps tickling me.
12:23See?
12:24You've woken somebody up now.
12:28Oh, Roddy.
12:30Oh, come on, it's only quarter past ten.
12:32Let's whip down the old Mardi Gras, eh?
12:34Have a couple of jars, you know, scampi supper, eh?
12:37What do you reckon? What do you reckon?
12:39No.
12:40Look, I promised Cassandra I wouldn't go out
12:42and I intend to keep that promise.
12:48Do you reckon she believed you?
12:52That what?
12:54When you said you wouldn't go out in a tan.
12:56Well, of course she believed me.
12:58Why?
13:00Nothing.
13:03Uncle, you're not trying to suggest
13:05that if Cassandra thought that Roddy was going out in a razzle
13:08that she would go out in a razzle as well, are you?
13:12What, you mean what's good for the goose is good for the game, eh?
13:15Yeah.
13:16No.
13:17Oh.
13:20Cassandra wouldn't have gone out.
13:23How do you know that?
13:25Because I haven't gone out.
13:27Yeah, but how does she know that?
13:29Because...
13:31She just does, right?
13:33Our marriage is based on trust.
13:35Trust.
13:36Trust.
13:37Trust.
13:38Right.
13:39Our marriage is based on trust.
13:42Yeah, he's right.
13:44Cassandra wouldn't go out and join herself.
13:47She wouldn't have to.
13:48She's got the flat to herself.
13:53So what?
13:54No, nothing.
13:55I just...
13:56I just meant if she felt a bit lonely
13:59she could invite someone round.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Like that couple at your anniversary.
14:05Stephen and his wife.
14:07What's wrong with that?
14:08Nothing.
14:09I mean, that'd be a nice bit of company for Cassandra.
14:11She should get on well with that, Stephen.
14:13Oh...
14:16Of course they get on well.
14:18They work together at the bank.
14:20He is a colleague.
14:22In fact, he's more than a colleague, he's on top...
14:26He's her immediate superior.
14:37Anyway, she couldn't have invited them two round
14:39because Stephen's wife's gone away for the weekend.
14:41Do you remember?
14:42Oh, yeah.
14:48In fact, Stephen's been round my flat.
14:50I'll kill him.
14:52Now, what put that idea in your head?
14:56I don't know.
14:57It's just something's been bugging me.
14:59Well, what do you want to do?
15:00Do you want to, you know, pop out for a drink
15:02and sort of talk about it?
15:04Yeah.
15:05Might make you feel better, Rodney.
15:07Yeah, well, I suppose I could manage a...
15:11This is a conspiracy, isn't it?
15:13You two are in league with each other, aren't you?
15:15You just want me to come to the nightclub with you
15:17and you want the bed to yourself.
15:19Well, it ain't going to work.
15:21I promised Cassandra I would not go out
15:23and I am not going out, all right?
15:25All right, all right, keep your hair on.
15:27Well, we was only cheering you up, we didn't mean any harm.
15:29All right.
15:30Well, let's just shut up about it and get some sleep.
15:36I do have an extra blanket.
15:38I'm freezing in here.
15:40It is a bit cold, isn't it?
15:42Cold?
15:43You bits of kid don't know the meaning of the word.
15:47You should have been with me on the Russian convoys.
15:50One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze.
15:57Come on then, just one quick light ale.
16:06Where have I seen that bird before?
16:11It's that soul. What's her name?
16:13The one you went out with for a while, though.
16:15It's Raquel, the stripper, Graham.
16:17No, it is not.
16:19It is, though.
16:20Hmm?
16:21You look at the board.
16:22The great Raimondo and Raquel.
16:36It is her.
16:43Psst.
16:53Psst.
17:06Raquel!
17:12All right.
17:27So I got back to England about six months ago.
17:30I wasn't sure what to do with myself.
17:32I haven't got any family except a brother in Milton Keynes,
17:35but we haven't spoken for years.
17:37So I saw my agent and she tied me in with Ray.
17:40Ray?
17:41The great Raimondo.
17:42Oh, yeah.
17:43He was working in a holiday camp down in Devon.
17:45His last assistant had walked out on him.
17:47Well, he's a bit of a pig.
17:50Anyway, after that we got a three-month contract here.
17:53It's not much, but it's a job.
17:55Keeps the roof over my head.
17:57Yeah.
17:59I didn't mean to let you down, you know.
18:01I mean, I was on my way round to you when I was, um,
18:04unexpectedly arrested.
18:06I know. It's all right. You've already explained.
18:09Hmm.
18:11Why didn't you write to me?
18:13Write to you?
18:16I thought you'd dumped me.
18:19I've got pride, Del.
18:21Never written to the other blokes who've dumped me.
18:23And I wasn't starting with you.
18:26Do you want to have a drink?
18:28No. I'm back on stage in a little while.
18:32There's been no-one else.
18:34I mean, since we split up, I haven't...
18:38You know, I've not been interested.
18:41No, no, not me.
18:43Why?
18:45No, no, honest.
18:47Yeah, all right. I believe you.
18:50Anyway, what are you going to do when this contract's finished?
18:53You know, when this contract's finished.
18:55I'm leaving the act. I can't stand Raymond.
18:58He's got a temper. Sometimes he frightens me.
19:02Don't know where I'll go.
19:04Peckham's very nice this time of year.
19:07Is it?
19:08I know a lovely little flat you can stay at and all.
19:10Well, maybe I'll try Peckham then.
19:15Thanks.
19:19Raquel.
19:21Would you give me your autograph?
19:23Get away!
19:24No, I mean it straight, honest.
19:26I've never given an autograph before.
19:28No, look, it's easy.
19:30All you've got to do, look, is just write your name.
19:35And your address.
19:39And your telephone number.
19:51All right. Get your pigeons back, all right?
19:53Yes, I did.
19:54Raquel, I don't know what the hell you were playing at on that stage.
19:57Don't you ever let that happen again.
19:59I'm sorry, Ray. I was distracted.
20:01Professionals are not distracted, love.
20:03You either get your act together or you find somewhere else.
20:06There's plenty more where you came from.
20:08We're on in ten minutes.
20:10All right, Ray, I'm coming.
20:12Do you want me to whack him for you?
20:14Don't, please.
20:15Don't.
20:16Get out of it.
20:17The contract hasn't long to run, so all I want to do is keep him sweet.
20:21Besides, he's right.
20:23It was unprofessional of me.
20:28I'll see you then.
20:29Yeah.
20:30You've still got my address, haven't you?
20:32Yeah.
20:33Yeah, well, you know, you can write to me or phone me, you know, if you like.
20:40You won't forget, will you?
20:41Oh, I'll never forget you, Dal.
20:47Come on, Ray.
21:05The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
21:07Will you keep your noise down?
21:09Raquel!
21:13She's lovely, though, isn't she, Robbie?
21:15She's lovely, isn't she?
21:16She's lovely. Now, shut up.
21:26It's locked.
21:27It's what?
21:28Locked.
21:29Oh, that's right. She said she locks it at eleven.
21:31What time is it now?
21:34It's twenty to two.
21:36She doesn't ring the bell.
21:37You can't ring the bell.
21:39You'll get Mrs Cresswell out of her coffin.
21:42Well, what are we going to do, then, eh?
21:44We can't hang around here till the morning, can we?
21:46Dal, if you wake her up, she'll sink her teeth into our necks before you can say wooden stake.
21:51You're frightened of her, aren't you?
21:54Yes.
21:56Well, I'm not.
21:57Well, you ring the bell. I'm going to wipe you on the wall.
22:14All right.
22:16Maybe there's another way out of this.
22:27That's our room, isn't it? That one.
22:30Yeah, I think so.
22:34Albert!
22:37Albert!
22:39Abandon ship!
22:45Throw something up at the window.
22:47Here we go.
22:56Oh, my God!
22:58Now what have you gone and done?
22:59Me?
23:00Yeah, you wanted to go and face another window.
23:02I meant the little pebble you just took off a paving stone.
23:06Our windows have just been smashed!
23:08I heard it! From the police, Inga!
23:11That's all I need, isn't it? I'm going to get nicked twice in one day.
23:15Come on, look alive, Ronnie, look alive. Just get out of here.
23:17Come on, let's get out of here.
23:18Let's get out.
23:31Hello?
23:32Oh, Raquel? It's Del Boy.
23:34Del?
23:35What do you want? It's two o'clock in the morning.
23:37Yeah, I know. Sorry to disturb you, sweetheart.
23:39But Rodney's been and got us into a bit of trouble.
23:42I didn't get into this.
23:43Yes, you did. It was your bright idea, wasn't it?
23:46I know, but you said...
23:48No, no, no, wait!
23:51What's wrong?
23:52Oh, we've been locked out of our digs and we've got nowhere to kick for the night.
23:56We was wondering if you could put us up till the morning.
23:59It's a bit awkward, Del.
24:01Oh, Raquel's freezing out here.
24:04We just bumped into a brass monkey crying his eyes out.
24:07All right, then. Push the door and come up.
24:10Ah, good girl, you know it makes sense.
24:27I'll shut the door down.
24:28Oh, hello.
24:29Yeah, that's better, of course.
24:31His tater's out there.
24:33I'm sorry about this.
24:35I'm sorry about this, Raquel.
24:37Oh, that's OK. So what happened?
24:39Well, the old girl where we was staying, she locks her doors at 11.
24:42Well, I mean, we didn't leave your nightclub till gone one, did we?
24:45Well, I'm afraid an armchair and a settee is the best I can offer you.
24:49Oh, no, yeah, that's lovely. Yeah, thanks.
24:53Yeah, go on.
24:54No, that'll be lovely, Raquel.
24:56Yeah, it's all right. Look, we'll be away first thing in the morning
24:58cos our new coach comes about nine o'clock.
25:01Listen, sweetheart, you can't give us something to warm the old cockles, can you?
25:05Yeah, OK.
25:06I'll make you a coffee.
25:10Oh, yeah, Kusty, Kusty.
25:13She's a blinding bird, isn't she, Rodney, eh?
25:15What, Raquel? Yeah, it's a terrific deal.
25:17Yeah, she's got a radiant smile. Have you noticed that?
25:19What, a radiant smile? Yeah.
25:21Yeah. Yeah.
25:22Well, you can't miss it, can you? I mean, you know.
25:24I mean, when she walks in, she...
25:26Well, she lights up a room.
25:28Yeah.
25:29Most of the old birds walk in and light up a fag.
25:36Yeah.
25:38She's straight as a die, you know, straight as a die.
25:40She don't mess around with other blokes, you know.
25:42What, are you saying Cassandra does?
25:44No, no, of course not, no.
25:46I've got nothing against the girl.
25:47Well, it's all right, then, cos if I thought you...
25:50Sorry.
25:51You're a touchy little git sometimes, aren't you, eh?
25:53All I was just saying was that since Raquel met me,
25:57she hasn't been out with any other blokes.
25:59Well, she only met you two hours ago.
26:02No, I don't mean this time. I mean, like, the first time.
26:05Oh, right.
26:07She has been true unto me.
26:10Raquel, what's all the noise?
26:13The great Raimondo?
26:15What are you doing here?
26:16What am I doing here?
26:17We was locked out of our digs and Raquel said we could spend the night here,
26:20but we're gonna go soon.
26:21Oh, did she?
26:22Well, we'll see about that.
26:23Raquel, what's the idea of letting strangers into the flat without even asking me?
26:27I'm gonna kill him.
26:28No, stay calm, Derek.
26:29I'm gonna kill him.
26:30No, stay calm, Derek.
26:32It's gonna take a bloody good surgeon three or four hours to get his magic wand back.
26:37Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
26:38Now, come on, calm down.
26:42I wanna know what the hell is going on, and...
26:44Look, sit down.
26:45Look, I've not ever done anything...
26:46Sit down!
26:50Now, look, there's probably a perfectly simple explanation to this.
26:53Like what?
26:55Well, how the hell should I know?
26:57There is a simple explanation, Rodney.
26:59The great Raimondo's a bleeding bully boy, Raquel told me.
27:02He's got her trapped here.
27:04If she don't play ball with him, not only has she lost her job,
27:06but she's lost her home as well.
27:08That's blackmail, and I don't like that sort of thing.
27:10I'm gonna sort it out right now.
27:11Oi, oi, you're not certain of anything.
27:13Don't jump to conclusions.
27:15Look, for all you know, them two might be...
27:18For all you know?
27:19What?
27:23I don't know.
27:24Look, just find out what the situation is first, right?
27:27Nice and easy, Del, right?
27:29Nice and easy.
27:33Right.
27:34Right, Rodney, I'm just gonna go in there,
27:36and just wanna ask a few questions, and, you know, like, that's all.
27:40And what happens if you don't like the answers?
27:45Well, that's life, innit, eh?
27:48Just... I'll know where I stand, then, won't I?
27:50Eh?
27:51Eh?
27:52Alright.
27:58Right.
28:01Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry to bother you.
28:03I just wondered if we could have a little chat,
28:05see if we could come to some sort of an understanding.
28:07Right.
28:13That's the way, Del, nice and easy.
28:18Now, do you understand what I'm trying to say?
28:20Eh?
28:21Why the hell did you do that?
28:22It's alright, it's alright, Raquel, it's alright.
28:24You don't have to be frightened of the great Raimondo no more.
28:27Del boy is here.
28:33Rodney, I'll be...
28:35Right.
28:36Raimondo, or can I just call you great, eh?
28:40Do you understand what I've been subtly trying to indicate?
28:44You are out, pal.
28:46Your lease has expired.
28:48This is nature's little way of trying to tell you
28:50to get your arse down the road a bit.
28:55Why don't you explain to him?
28:56He hasn't given me the chance.
28:58You better warn him, I was in the territorials.
29:00I don't think that's going to cut a lot of arse with him, sir.
29:03Alright, there's your coat.
29:05There's your case.
29:09And there's the front door.
29:10Would you prefer to take the more direct route?
29:12Can I just say something?
29:13Yes.
29:14Alright, you can say something,
29:15you'd better make it quick and you'd better make it polite.
29:17There is a lady present.
29:18There is nothing going on between Raquel and me.
29:20Nothing going on between you two?
29:22A fellow and a bird sharing a flat, there's nothing going on.
29:24What do you take me for?
29:25I assure you it's the truth.
29:27You see, I'm...
29:28I'm...
29:31Raquel is not my type.
29:33What do you mean she's not your type?
29:35You could do a lot worse than that.
29:40This is Ray's room.
29:43This is my bedroom.
29:45Do you see what Ray is saying?
29:47If I was the last woman on God's earth,
29:49I still wouldn't be his type.
29:58Take your time, Del.
30:02You see, it's purely a financial situation.
30:05It's cheaper than us paying for separate flats.
30:08Oh, you mean you're...
30:13Yes.
30:14Well, why didn't you say?
30:17It's not the sort of thing one drops into an introduction.
30:20Oh, God, I'm terribly sorry.
30:21What must you think of me?
30:22No need, really.
30:23Over and done with.
30:24Well, you see, I...
30:25I didn't know.
30:26You didn't ask, did you?
30:28No, you see, I thought...
30:29Well, I thought...
30:30You see, I thought...
30:31I didn't know Rodney, eh?
30:33Yeah, yeah, you did.
30:35You see...
30:36Oh, dear.
30:37I do believe I may have dropped your suitcase out of the window.
30:40I'll fetch it.
30:42I could do with the air.
30:44No, you see, I'm...
30:46You see, I thought...
30:47No, no, no, Del.
30:48You didn't think.
30:49You never think.
30:50You don't look.
30:51You don't listen.
30:52You don't notice any of the signs.
30:53You just go at it like a mad bull.
30:57I only did it for you.
30:58Well, if that is supposed to make me feel better, it doesn't.
31:08I might publish your diaries one day, Del.
31:10I reckon that could be a winner.
31:14I don't believe you sometimes.
31:15Why did you do that?
31:18He who dares wins.
31:21Always been the same.
31:22Well, this time I reckon that he who dared cocked it right up.
31:33I know you did it for me, but you were stupid and you were embarrassing.
31:56Cheers, pal.
31:57Cheers.
31:58See you, Dave.
32:03Hey.
32:04Oi, brothers.
32:06Rodney.
32:07Here.
32:08Here a minute.
32:09Come here a minute.
32:13Listen, you are master of your own flat.
32:16Yeah, yeah.
32:17OK.
32:18You're a man.
32:19Don't need rules.
32:20No collars and lead.
32:21All right, Del.
32:22All right.
32:23You're going to go in there and put your foot down with a firm hand.
32:27Let her know where she stands.
32:28All right?
32:30You just...
32:31You just got to sort it out.
32:33All right?
32:34Just, you know, sort it out.
32:37I see.
32:38Yeah.
32:39I'll see you then.
32:40Ta-ta.
32:44Kate?
32:57Oh.
33:00I didn't expect you back this early.
33:02No, I will.
33:04Here I am.
33:06Kate, can we have a talk?
33:07I don't think this is an appropriate time, Roddy.
33:09Maybe later.
33:11Look, I really think we ought to sit down and discuss...
33:13Oh.
33:16It's OK.
33:19What are you doing here?
33:21Well, I was just passing.
33:23So how was...
33:25Margate?
33:26Forget Margate.
33:27What are you doing in my flat?
33:29Hey, back off, Rod.
33:32I mean, what's the problem?
33:34Roddy, what's wrong?
33:36Well, I'll tell you the problem, shall I?
33:38There's something I've really wanted to do for a long time,
33:41but I've never got round to it.
33:43So let me run this past you, Stephen.
33:46Try and get your head round this.
33:50Now you know where I'm coming from, OK, buddy?
33:59Don't punch Stephen.
34:01Don't punch me on the nose.
34:03What's she doing here?
34:05I thought she was going away for the weekend.
34:06She was going away for the weekend to her parents.
34:08She was, but there was a rail strike.
34:10Joanne brought this holiday brochure round for us.
34:17Do you see anything in it you like?
34:23Hello, sweetheart.
34:25How are you today?
34:27Oh, good.
34:29How's the great Raimondo?
34:31Oh, yeah, well, I'm sure his heart of hearts he understood.
34:36Have we been back about an hour?
34:37Yeah.
34:39No, everyone's all right.
34:42We dropped Rodney off at his house, yeah.
34:46Cassandra?
34:47Nah, she'll be all right.
34:49She'll be as good as gold.
34:51Rodney's a bit of a charmer on the quiet.
34:54Nah, he knows how to handle situations.
34:58Yes, I know, sometimes I wish I was a bit more like him and all.
35:02Yeah.
35:03Oh, Albert, he's feeling much better now.
35:05Yeah.
35:06Oh, didn't you hear?
35:08He got a whack on the head.
35:11I don't know.
35:12I don't know.
35:13The strangest thing, he was lying in bed last night...
35:19...when all of a sudden a rock came flying through the window...
35:24...and it caught him, a clumsy blow on the head.
35:28I don't know, it's a mystery.
35:31No mystery to me.
35:33But the yobbo's done it, they should be not done.
35:35That's right, that is absolutely right, yeah.
35:37Tell her what happened to Boyce and Mike when they was walking home from the nightclub.
35:41Yeah. What, what was that?
35:43Someone chucked a suitcase through a window.
35:48Caught Mike right on a shoulder.
35:51Fortunately, Boyce's head broke its fall.
35:56It's a terrible old world, isn't it, eh, sweetheart?
36:00Listen, Raquel.
36:01Raquel, you have, you have forgiven me now, haven't you, sweetheart?
36:05Oh, good, you know it made sense.
36:07Listen, I was thinking about taking the van out for a test drive next Saturday.
36:12Well, I'm fitting a new radio, look.
36:14I was, er, thinking I might go down to Margate.
36:17I wouldn't be in a hurry to get home.
36:20I was just wondering, er, if you could get the great Raimondo to do a disappearing act.
36:25Oh, couste, yeah.
36:27Yeah.
36:28Oh, that's great.
36:29Yeah, all right, darling.
36:30I'll see you next, er, next Saturday, sweetheart.
36:32Yeah.
36:33All right, bye for now.
36:34Bye.
36:36Lovely jubbly.
36:38Oi, what's your game?
36:39You want a cup of tea?
36:40Go and make one, you lazy old sod.
36:41Go on.
36:48All right, love.
36:49Change it all now.