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Remington Steele S02E08

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00:00My car! Someone's stealing my car!
00:04We had some evidence in the trunk.
00:06This could have been an attempt to poison one of your stars.
00:09That woman's an animal.
00:11And he's just a washed-up old has-been.
00:12You really are a very striking woman.
00:18I am not going to give him another chance to kill me.
00:20The bone structure of garba.
00:24The man's an animal.
00:26Stop it, Mr. Vivian. Let go of me.
00:28You made a pass at Miss Holt.
00:29Oh, yes.
00:31Watch out!
01:59I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Vivian.
02:01I'm not talking about you.
02:02I'm talking about you.
02:03I'm talking about you.
02:04I'm talking about you.
02:05I'm talking about you.
02:06I'm talking about you.
02:07I'm talking about you.
02:08I'm talking about you.
02:09I'm talking about you.
02:10I'm talking about you.
02:11I'm talking about you.
02:12I'm talking about you.
02:13I'm talking about you.
02:14I'm talking about you.
02:15I'm talking about you.
02:16I'm talking about you.
02:17I'm talking about you.
02:18I'm talking about you.
02:19I'm talking about you.
02:20I'm talking about you.
02:21I'm talking about you.
02:22I'm talking about you.
02:23I'm talking about you.
02:24I'm talking about you.
02:25I'm talking about you.
02:26I'm talking about you.
02:27I'm talking about you.
02:28I'm talking about you.
02:29I'm talking about you.
02:30I'm talking about you.
02:31I'm talking about you.
02:32I'm talking about you.
02:33I'm talking about you.
02:34I'm talking about you.
02:35I'm talking about you.
02:36I'm talking about you.
02:37I'm talking about you.
02:38I'm talking about you.
02:39I'm talking about you.
02:40I'm talking about you.
02:41I'm talking about you.
02:42I'm talking about you.
02:43I'm talking about you.
02:44I'm talking about you.
02:45I'm talking about you.
02:46I'm talking about you.
02:47I'm talking about you.
02:48I'm talking about you.
02:49I'm talking about you.
02:50I'm talking about you.
02:51I'm talking about you.
02:52I'm talking about you.
02:53I'm talking about you.
02:54I'm talking about you.
02:55I'm talking about you.
02:56I'm talking about you.
02:57I'm talking about you.
02:58I'm talking about you.
02:59I'm talking about you.
03:00I'm talking about you.
03:01I'm talking about you.
03:02I'm talking about you.
03:03I'm talking about you.
03:04I'm talking about you.
03:05I'm talking about you.
03:06I'm talking about you.
03:07I'm talking about you.
03:08I'm talking about you.
03:09I'm talking about you.
03:10I'm talking about you.
03:11I'm talking about you.
03:12I'm talking about you.
03:13I'm talking about you.
03:14I'm talking about you.
03:15I'm talking about you.
03:16I'm talking about you.
03:17I'm talking about you.
03:18I'm talking about you.
03:19I'm talking about you.
03:20I'm talking about you.
03:21I'm talking about you.
03:22I'm talking about you.
03:23I'm talking about you.
03:24I'm talking about you.
03:25I'm talking about you.
03:26I'm talking about you.
03:27I'm talking about you.
03:28I'm talking about you.
03:29I'm talking about you.
03:30I'm talking about you.
03:31I'm talking about you.
03:32I'm talking about you.
03:33I'm talking about you.
03:34I'm talking about you.
03:35I'm talking about you.
03:36I'm talking about you.
03:37I'm talking about you.
03:38I'm talking about you.
03:39I'm talking about you.
03:40I'm talking about you.
03:41I'm talking about you.
03:42I'm talking about you.
03:43I'm talking about you.
03:44I'm talking about you.
03:45I'm talking about you.
03:46I'm talking about you.
03:48I'm talking about you.
03:53Excellent, Mildred.
03:54It sounds as if Mr. Steele has everything under control.
03:57I can't find the boss anywhere.
03:59I've called every gin mill in Los Angeles.
04:01Yes, that's the kind of initiative the Remington Steele agency is noted for.
04:06What do you want me to start trying the saloons in the Valley?
04:10I couldn't have said it better myself.
04:12And please tell Mr. Steele
04:13that the client anxiously awaits his arrival.
04:17Good news, Miss Wagenbacher.
04:19Mr. Steele is making great progress
04:21in locating your star.
04:26You look honest.
04:30You seem honest.
04:32That gives you three on a scale of 10.
04:34Now, if you're doing a number on me-
04:36Miss Wagenbacher, the Remington Steele Agency
04:39does not do numbers.
04:41Now, Miss Integrity,
04:43this is not some pointless little miniseries
04:45we're shooting here.
04:46It's not some infantile sitcom
04:48to save a floundering network.
04:50This is important.
04:52I know.
04:53It's a commercial.
04:54The linchpin of the television industry.
04:57A commercial?
04:58The hottest commercial on the tube.
05:01I am producing the E.T. of frozen foods here.
05:06Now, we've already lost one day's shooting,
05:09and you people promised to find Derek
05:11and have him here on the set this morning.
05:13Doris!
05:15Heather, baby!
05:17I've been thinking.
05:19Of course you have.
05:20We don't need that old drunk Derek.
05:23I can do the scene alone.
05:26Oh, darling.
05:27That is so flexible of you.
05:29So gallant.
05:32A spirit like yours that gives me the will to go on.
05:36Then it's okay?
05:38Well, of course it is, dear.
05:40Just give me a moment to rewrite the script,
05:43rearrange the set, and restructure the business.
05:46Mwah!
05:47Kiss, kiss.
05:52She could do the scene alone.
05:54It's a love scene.
05:57But America's gone bananas over a couple,
06:00and a couple is one of each sex.
06:02At least on the screen.
06:05You know, Derek Vivian is a very corrupting influence.
06:09If he's got Mr. Steele caught up
06:11in his childish hijinks.
06:13Swaggin' Barker, there's one thing
06:15I can assure you about Mr. Steele.
06:17It's that when he's working, he's deadly serious.
06:21You fool, Raleigh, you headstrong fool.
06:24You'll die for your childish idealism.
06:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:33Oh, Lord Ivan, good always triumphs.
06:38Did anybody say that?
06:38Thrilling, as I remember.
06:40Oh, bless you, Steele!
06:43Ha, ha, and to think that your death
06:45will be for so little cause.
06:47Ha, ha, Lady Huggins, ah, Lady Huggins is gone.
06:50What is mere life when a lady's virtue is at stake?
06:54If I said that, I must have been very young.
06:571953, young Raleigh.
06:59Hugh, Alan Drew, Basil Rathbone.
07:01Lord, what a memory.
07:03I watch it every time it's on the late show.
07:04Yes, I must try to catch it myself.
07:06I hear I'm rather good.
07:07Derek, you have exhausted me,
07:09and we really must be on our way to the location.
07:12Oh, so soon?
07:13Oh, can't we just have one more go round?
07:17This time from the passionate troubadour.
07:22Derek, you promised the dueling scene from young Raleigh,
07:25and then we would be on our way.
07:27I did?
07:29Three hours ago.
07:30Well, if, and nothing else,
07:34I am a man of my word.
07:38Oh.
07:41Ah, come, old and trusted friend.
07:47It's time to face the cameras again.
07:51What an intriguing companion.
07:53How long have you had him?
07:54Olivier?
07:55Ah, about 12 hours.
07:58It's a gift from an avarice ornithologist.
08:03Innkeeper, a last libation.
08:06And you, my dear?
08:08Very cold, chap.
08:09I doubt that they can start without the star.
08:12Ah, nice try, Steele, nice try.
08:16Yes, but do bear with me.
08:18I've played Hamlet at the Old Vic,
08:19I've played Congreve at Chichester,
08:21Beckett at the Edinburgh Festival,
08:23and now I'm to play second lead
08:25to a platter of Chef Gaston's pre-shrunk beef bourguignon.
08:32Make it a double.
08:37Ah, take this as well.
08:39Morning.
08:40Morning, I shall see you.
08:45Thank you very much, Steele.
08:47Ah, avast there, my hearties.
08:50Heave to and prepare to be boarded.
08:53Ah, that's the pirate prince.
08:55They say the booze has gotten to him.
08:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:05Bring on the food.
09:20You call that food, matey?
09:24Look at it, I wanna see it shimmer and shine.
09:28Put some carnauba wax on it.
09:32My lamb, my pet, my most treasured possession.
09:37You think only of me.
09:39How can you tell?
09:41Why, because you prepared a feast fit for a king.
09:45Only past to tickle the most prejudiced palate.
09:49Chef Gaston's beef bourguignon.
09:53Brilliant, now you both sit down.
09:56And now, Heather, I want you to lean forward,
10:01revealing most, if not all of her talent.
10:03Listen, you, just because I didn't study
10:06at the Old Vic Troller.
10:07Old Vic?
10:08It doesn't mean I don't know my craft.
10:11What craft is that, assault or landing?
10:15Stop it, you two.
10:16Let's go for a take.
10:17Stanley, old chum, might we just make a slight adjustment?
10:22What kind of an adjustment?
10:24Couldn't I, just this once, feed her?
10:29I always feed him.
10:30After all, if I love the sow so much,
10:32wouldn't I want her to be the first
10:34to experience this glistening glop?
10:38I have to feed him.
10:39It defines my character.
10:41It's contemporary, it's dynamic.
10:45It's something Joan Collins might do.
10:50Mady, Mady, will you get this damn bird outta here?
10:53It's destroying my composition.
11:02It's a disaster, an absolute disaster.
11:06The company's wrecked.
11:07My two stars have locked themselves in their dressing rooms
11:09and all I have to show after two days' work
11:11is a dead parrot.
11:13Well, we'll have the food analyzed,
11:14perform an autopsy.
11:15On a bird?
11:17My dear Miss Walkenberger.
11:18Doris, please, call me Doris, it's faster.
11:21This could have been an attempt
11:22to poison one of your stars.
11:24Oh, no, don't say that.
11:25Don't even think that, it's too much to bear.
11:27I realize it's emotionally unsettling.
11:30Unsettling?
11:31It's earth-shattering.
11:33If that little pecker was poisoned,
11:35Derek and Heather will run for the hills.
11:36Who knows if they'll ever come back?
11:39Is that all you're concerned about?
11:41You don't seem to understand.
11:44Those two are irreplaceable.
11:46They have captured the hearts of the television audiences.
11:49Without them, there are no Chef Gaston commercials.
11:54Oh, it was so much simpler in the old days
11:57when we had dancing cigarette packs
11:59and little speedy Alka-Seltzer.
12:02Well, Doris, look on the bright side.
12:05Perhaps Olivia here was just allergic to cannuba wax, eh?
12:09Mr. Steele.
12:10Doris.
12:11Miss Walkenberger.
12:14Miss Walkenberger.
12:16Mr. Steele!
12:20Neither Heather nor Derek answers.
12:22Either they've left or they're too terrified
12:24to come to the door.
12:25Well, it's understandable.
12:27One of them could be marked for murder.
12:29Now, let's not jump to conclusions.
12:31Perhaps the bird expired from sunstroke.
12:33Mm-hmm, or that last martini that Derek gave him.
12:36Or maybe the light spoiled the food.
12:38It's my car.
12:41Someone's stealing my car!
12:43Well, at least it saves us the cost of an autopsy.
12:47I think it's safe to say
12:48that that food was definitely poisoned.
12:50Now, all we have to do is figure out whom it was meant for.
13:00Alas, poor Olivia.
13:03Dear Parrot, for you alone,
13:06I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
13:10Dear Parrot, for you, the war is over.
13:15May you find the peace you so richly deserve.
13:21Have they arrested her yet?
13:22Whom?
13:23The silicone starlet.
13:25You suspect Heather tried to kill you?
13:27Have you any idea why those commercials
13:29are so successful, Miss Held?
13:31It's my talent and her cleavage.
13:34In this town, de-cups are a dime a dozen.
13:37Even the public knows that.
13:39To the real star of the Chef Gaston commercials,
13:42a devoted fan.
13:44One of these arrives every morning, like clockwork.
13:47Oh.
13:50You see, Heather's jealousy finally drove her over the brink.
13:55You take it from me, that woman's an animal.
13:59The man's an animal.
14:02The first day we worked together,
14:04he invited me into his dressing room.
14:06Well, I thought it was to talk about the part.
14:09But then he peeled off his robe,
14:11and he was stark naked.
14:13Hmm.
14:14Well, calm as you please,
14:16like he was ordering tuna on rye.
14:19He says, shall we get to it?
14:22Well, I just thought it was some sort of method acting,
14:24so I started reading my lines.
14:26And he said,
14:28Oh, being a serious actress,
14:30and knowing I already had the part,
14:33I slapped him across the puss, and I left.
14:36How do you think a man of Derrick Vivian's stature
14:39would stoop to murder just because you wouldn't, uh...
14:42Come across?
14:43In a word.
14:44Oh, he can't stand it,
14:46because he knows I'm the real star of those commercials.
14:49I mean, I can't stand it.
14:51I mean, I can't stand it.
14:53I mean, I can't stand it.
14:55I mean, I can't stand it.
14:58I mean, I'm the real star of those commercials.
15:00And he's just a washed-up old has-been
15:02with stinky breath.
15:04Why do you think he wanted me to eat that stuff?
15:08Hmm?
15:09Because he knew it was poison.
15:11He poisoned it himself.
15:13Why did you want to change the script and feed Heather?
15:16Well, a script is merely a starting point,
15:20a sodden piece of clay
15:22waiting for the imprint of the actor.
15:25Besides, that silken-haired sow had been shoving that slop down my throat for a year,
15:31always managing to miss my mouth and jab me in the upper lip with a fork.
15:36So I decided to give her a dose of her own medicine.
15:39A fatal dose, Mr. Vivian?
15:41Me?
15:42Perhaps for the same motive you attributed to Heather.
15:44I have nothing to be jealous of.
15:47I will admit, there was a time when parts weren't exactly coming my way,
15:52but all that's changed now.
15:54I've even been asked to play King Lear at Stratford.
15:58So until that strumpet is safely behind bars,
16:01I shan't be choking down any more of Chef Gaston's cardboard cuisine.
16:07So until that madman is locked up in the clink, I refuse to set foot on that stage.
16:11I am not going to give him another chance to kill me.
16:14I'm afraid there's not enough evidence to arrest Heather.
16:17At the moment, there's no case against Eric.
16:19I guess she'll be doing the commercials by herself.
16:22She will?
16:23So I suppose he'll be forced to carry on by himself.
16:26He will?
16:29I shan't let the company down.
16:31Hundreds of people depend on me for their livelihoods.
16:35And after all, the audience does depend on me
16:38for what little entertainment there is on the tube.
16:41You can count on me, Mr. Steele.
16:44The show must go on.
16:47You're a real trooper, Mr. Vivian.
16:50I like to think so.
16:52But I'm planning to sleep with my eyes wide open.
16:55Derek Vivian will kill me over my dead body.
16:58Well, I must say, visually, I find the image quite intriguing.
17:02Uh, good day.
17:11It's Heather.
17:12We're going to have to move the timetable up.
17:15I don't care how risky it is. Just do it.
17:21Yes, yes, Sergeant.
17:23I've already notified my insurance company.
17:26Well, you see, I don't think it was an ordinary car theft.
17:30We had some evidence in the trunk and...
17:33a dead parrot and some beef bourguignon.
17:37What's he doing?
17:39Laughing.
17:40Hmm.
17:41Where do you suppose Mildred keeps the numbers for car rentals?
17:44I've looked through A for automobiles, C for cars,
17:47and all I can come up with so far is a recipe for ratatouille.
17:50Yes, Sergeant. Well, thank you.
17:52Thank you for your concern.
17:54According to the sergeant,
17:56my car is probably a Tijuana taxi by now.
17:59Oh, more fries?
18:01Thanks.
18:02You want the rest of my cheeseburger?
18:05No, thanks.
18:07Come right in, hon.
18:09Well, I found out who's been sending Derek Vivian all those booze baskets.
18:15Oh, put them right down there.
18:17Now, it cost us a little, but actually it's very nice wine.
18:21Here you go. Thank you so much.
18:24Who's been sending Derek those baskets?
18:26They have all been charged the same account.
18:28Doris Wagenbacher's.
18:30Doris Wagenbacher?
18:32Try Doris. It's faster.
18:34Well, why would Doris send booze to an incipient alcoholic?
18:37You know, Laura, we may have overlooked one possible motive.
18:40Whoever's behind this may be trying to sabotage the commotion.
18:43Not the actors.
18:45You're saying Doris was trying to get Derek so drunk or hungover
18:48he'd miss the filming?
18:49Uh-huh, and when that failed,
18:50perhaps she even went so far as to poison the food.
18:52But she produces those commercials.
18:54Why would she try to kill the goose that lays the golden egg?
18:57No, no, no. That set is rife with hostility.
19:00Oh, I can't believe that.
19:02Are you trying to tell me that they don't like one another?
19:05Let's just say I wouldn't put them both in the same room with a loaded gun.
19:08Oh.
19:10Television is so disillusioning.
19:12Could it be that both Heather and Derek are telling the truth?
19:15That neither one of them is trying to kill the other?
19:18I'm so depressed.
19:22What do you say we, uh, christen the wine?
19:25Thank you, but no thank you, Mildred.
19:27We both have to be on the set early in the morning.
19:30Me neither.
19:31After spending an afternoon with Derek Vivian,
19:33I have an overwhelming urge to attend an A.A. meeting.
19:36Yes.
19:37All right, say, Mildred, tell me,
19:39who do you keep the numbers for the car rentals?
19:41Under T.
19:42Ah, for transportation.
19:44Tax deductible.
19:46Good night, Mildred.
19:57Oh, that was exhausting.
19:59Yes, Libsyn, but think of it.
20:01We've reached the very top of the world
20:04where no man or woman has ever trod before.
20:07Oh, and the most exciting part is
20:10we have Chef Gaston's veal fricassees to celebrate.
20:15Oh, Libsyn, you think of everything.
20:21You are standing in my key light.
20:25That's right.
20:26You know why?
20:28You didn't brush your teeth.
20:30That's right.
20:31Do you know why?
20:33Because you stood in my key light yesterday.
20:37Murderous.
20:39Poisonous.
20:40No talent.
20:41Has been.
20:49Cut.
20:50All right, print that.
20:54Congratulations.
20:55I never thought either of them would show up
20:57after what happened yesterday.
21:00What about the food?
21:02Was it poisoned?
21:03Well, the analysis is taking a bit longer than anticipated,
21:07but all the evidence points in that direction.
21:10However, if one of them is trying to kill the other,
21:13that's not just biting the hand that feeds you,
21:15it's devouring it.
21:16Obviously, you don't know actors.
21:18They're children.
21:19Self-destructive children.
21:20And you can't think of anyone else
21:22who might have reason to see one of them dead?
21:25No.
21:26You can't think of anyone else
21:27who might have reason to see one of them dead?
21:29A critic or two.
21:31What about someone who wanted to stop the commercials?
21:34Why would anyone want to do that?
21:36No pun intended, but these commercials
21:38do put food on our table.
21:40Then perhaps you can explain to me
21:42why you've been sending Derek Vivian
21:44gift baskets of alcohol.
21:46Don't be absurd.
21:47That'd be like force-feeding chocolate to a diabetic.
21:51They were charged to your account.
21:53Well, it must have been someone in my office.
21:55After all, it's customary to give gifts to actors.
21:59Every day since the filming started?
22:02No doubt this person was unaware of Derek's predilection.
22:06I'll have it stopped.
22:07Don't give it another thought.
22:08But I've been giving it a great deal of thought.
22:11You hired us to see that these commercials
22:13were done on schedule,
22:14and Mr. Steele never goes against a client's wishes.
22:19I told you it was a mistake,
22:21and I'll correct it.
22:26Mop Top.
22:28I knew you looked familiar.
22:30I've been trying to place you all morning.
22:32You're Mady Moore.
22:33Mop Top.
22:34Allied Artists, um, 1963.
22:37I was 10 years old.
22:39You can't hold me responsible.
22:40I loved your films.
22:42Little Miss Mischief,
22:43and, uh, what was the other one?
22:45Flossy of the Yukon.
22:47Flossy of the Yukon?
22:48They pull that one out after a week.
22:50I always wondered why you quit acting.
22:52I didn't.
22:54Acting cut me.
22:56My awkward age lasted 12 years.
22:58Oh.
22:59Please, Mr. Steele,
23:00no one knows me.
23:01I'd like to keep it that way.
23:02Oh, I see.
23:04But don't you, uh,
23:06don't you ever get the urge
23:08to get back in front of the camera?
23:10No.
23:12I had enough of that as a child.
23:14I'm sorry.
23:15I'm sorry.
23:17No.
23:19I had enough of that as a child.
23:21That's why I left.
23:23I wound up in Chicago.
23:25That's where I met Stan.
23:27He was a photographer for a food layout magazine.
23:30One thing led to another,
23:32and I became his assistant.
23:34And now you're content to spend your days
23:36waxing zucchini, eh?
23:38Zucchini doesn't complain about its makeup.
23:42We had a few good times in Chicago.
23:45Then Stan met Heather.
23:47She was on a promotional tour for something or other.
23:50She got him this job.
23:52So here I am back in Hollywood,
23:55whether I like it or not.
23:58But I go where my husband goes.
24:00Hey, mayday.
24:02Come on, let's go.
24:04Get the lead out.
24:05Come on.
24:06I got a schedule to shoot.
24:07I'm sorry.
24:08Is Stan your husband?
24:09That's what the marriage license is.
24:12Doris, I've been thinking.
24:14What is it now, Heather?
24:15How do we know we can trust these guys?
24:18Miss Sazerman, the Remington Steel Agency
24:20does not employ the Borgias,
24:22but if it will make you feel any safer,
24:24I'll taste the food.
24:26Oh, no, no, you won't.
24:27Just a nibble.
24:28Your nibble might destroy the statement I'm trying to make.
24:31Well, I am not going to eat that food.
24:38For once, I agree with the, uh,
24:41old trollop.
24:44All right, everybody,
24:45let's do some close-ups of the fricassee.
24:49No!
24:53My costumes!
24:55Every one broke!
24:58Oh, my evening gown!
25:00My necklace chain!
25:02You!
25:03You fiend!
25:05You crazy old coot,
25:07you get out of this!
25:09Oh, come on, you!
25:10Doris, come here, you!
25:11Oh, I was just...
25:12No!
25:16That's a wrap!
25:34Well, I really must apologize, Miss Holt.
25:38Studios aren't usually this dull.
25:42Watch out!
25:47My car!
25:53I think we have some good news and some bad news, Derek.
25:59What's the good news?
26:01You're no longer a suspect.
26:03Well, what's the bad news?
26:06You're definitely the victim.
26:17I feel positively invigorated.
26:20A brush with death really gets your adrenaline pumping.
26:24Ha-ha!
26:25Sort of like a perfect Rob Roy.
26:28Rob Roy?
26:29Rob Roy, that reminds me.
26:31Why didn't you get out of the way?
26:34Ah!
26:35Well, don't bandy this about.
26:38It could be very embarrassing.
26:40But, just for an instant down there,
26:44I thought I was on a film set
26:47and I was waiting for the director to yell,
26:50Cut!
27:04You really are...
27:06a very striking woman.
27:11You aware of that?
27:13Not really.
27:15You have skin of a damsel.
27:18Have you heard any talk on the set?
27:21The bone structure of Garber.
27:24About why Doris might want the commercials to end?
27:27The lips of a Lamar.
27:29Anything?
27:34Stop it, Mr. Vivian. Let go of me.
27:37Ah, you proud vixen.
27:39Your cries will go for naught.
27:41I intend to possess you this very evening
27:43and I shall not be denied.
27:45Where the hell's that from?
27:47Oh!
27:50You know, I'm almost beginning to regret saving your life.
27:53What are you trying to prove?
27:55That you're still attractive? You are.
27:57That you're still young? You're not!
28:00I'm not a great many things, Miss Holt.
28:02All that talk about King Lear,
28:05that was just to keep up appearances.
28:08Being a semi-serious actor,
28:10I'm supposed to loathe and despise those commercials
28:14whilst looking for something
28:16in which I can exhibit my acting prowess
28:20and show my talent.
28:22But, alas, I'm no longer equipped to play King Lear
28:26or anything else that lasts for longer than 30 seconds.
28:31My booze-soaked brain
28:35simply cannot recall the lines.
28:40I find it very difficult to remember
28:43Chef Gaston's instant gourmet dinner.
28:54I don't know which frightens me more,
28:58dying...
29:01or losing those commercials.
29:05I know, Derek.
29:08I know.
29:09I know.
29:26Excuse me. May I help you?
29:29No, just admiring your shrubbery.
29:31We don't get many gentlemen for afternoon tea.
29:33Actually, I'm supposed to meet Miss Wagenbacher,
29:36but I see she's with someone
29:37I find such bad manners to intrude.
29:39Of course.
29:40You wouldn't happen to know who her companion is, would you?
29:43Mother Trust.
29:45I beg your pardon?
29:46Mother Trust.
29:47Of Mother Trust's frozen Sunday dinners.
29:50Her pictures on every package.
29:52You've been invaluable. Thank you ever so much.
29:54Excuse me.
29:57Excuse me, ladies. Do forgive me, please. Thank you.
30:00Ah, there you are, Doris.
30:03And you, of course, don't need any introduction.
30:06I see that handsome face staring at me every time I open my freezer.
30:10Love your pot pies.
30:12How dare you!
30:13Be late. A thousand apologies.
30:14But I just got out of court.
30:16Please, Doris, do sit. Please sit.
30:19Sterling Gillette of Drummond Brady and Sterling Gillette.
30:22How do you do?
30:23How do you do?
30:24Isn't it a bit early to bring in a lawyer, Doris?
30:26He's not here in any official capacity.
30:29Doris just asked me to drop in
30:31and listen to what you ladies had to say.
30:34I warned you.
30:35Out of pocket.
30:37You want your lawyer in on this, it's no skin off my nose.
30:43As soon as those Chef Gaston commercials bite the dust.
30:46Don't say any more.
30:47Now, Doris, we don't want Mother Trust here to think there's any problems, do we?
30:51Is there?
30:52Nothing we can't negotiate our way out of.
30:55Eh, Doris? Hmm?
30:57As you were saying.
30:59Those commercials have flushed my profits down the dumper.
31:02When Doris puts an end to them,
31:04I'll set her up in her own advertising agency.
31:07With Mother Trust's frozen Sunday dinners as her very first client.
31:12It means a lot of dough. All around.
31:15Well, Chef Gaston could sue.
31:17I mean, Doris here, after all, has been contracted to produce those commercials.
31:22Contracts were made to be broken.
31:25What a healthy attitude.
31:27After all, that's what keeps us lawyers in Cadillacs.
31:30When we're finished with him, he won't have the dime to call legal aid.
31:35Would you like another?
31:37Five's my limit.
31:42Oh, will you hammer something together?
31:46Give me a jingle.
31:50So, your very own advertising agency.
31:54I've earned it.
31:56I worked 20 years to get an offer like this.
31:58Well, are you ready to kill for it?
32:00I am now.
32:02And I don't even have to leave this table to do it.
32:28You know you want it.
32:30You know you need it.
32:32Just like me.
32:34I can't live without it.
32:36Because it makes me feel so good.
32:39Come on. What are you waiting for?
32:42Step right up and grab yourself a handful of ecstasy.
32:49Ecstasy shampoo.
32:51To make you look the way you feel.
32:56And cut.
32:58How was that?
33:00Well, you sold me.
33:02Oh, great.
33:09Me too.
33:11I'm going to run right out and buy the giant family size.
33:15What are you doing here?
33:17I wanted another look at your costumes.
33:19Why?
33:21They disturbed me.
33:23How do you think I felt?
33:25No, I mean I was disturbed by the look of them.
33:28The tears were so neat.
33:30Every one appeared to be right on a seam.
33:33I would think that a good wardrobe woman
33:35could whip those back together in a matter of hours.
33:38But I kept asking myself why you'd want to shut down the company.
33:42Thanks for the answer.
33:44This isn't what it looks like.
33:46We're just fooling around, having some fun.
33:48You shoot commercials all day and then just for fun
33:50you shoot some more at night as well.
33:52She's got a shot at being the new ecstasy shampoo girl.
33:55Stan, according to Heather's contract,
33:58she can't do any other commercials.
34:00She's exclusive to Chef Gaston.
34:02Unless, of course, there weren't any Chef Gaston commercials.
34:06That old drunk tried to kill me, remember?
34:08You couldn't know Derek would come up
34:10with that interesting bit of actor's invention.
34:12You always feed him.
34:14Isn't that right, Stan?
34:16Hey, don't pull me into this. I'm just the director.
34:18I do whatever the script says.
34:20The written word is sacred to me.
34:22Are you going to direct Heather's new commercials, too?
34:25Stan has a feature lined up.
34:27Heather?
34:29Then you're another one who wouldn't be at all unhappy
34:31if these commercials were to be scrapped.
34:33Tell her who they're talking about for the picture, Stan.
34:35Newman, Redford, and Hoffman.
34:38Sounds like a project worth killing for.
34:40You better believe it.
34:44I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
34:47Didn't you?
34:50I don't know.
35:05Beatty!
35:06Hi!
35:07What are you doing here?
35:09I went to get some coffee in that machine near the dubbing room.
35:12Oh! I didn't see any food in there.
35:15You just lending moral support?
35:17They don't know I'm here.
35:19Well, you know, I don't think that's a very good idea
35:22because they're sort of involved in the commercial and stuff.
35:25Why don't you show me where the coffee is, huh?
35:27You don't have to protect me, Miss Holt.
35:30I know all about Stan and Heather.
35:33And the big brass bed.
35:37But believe me,
35:40as far as Stan is concerned,
35:43it's just part of the business.
35:47Just like having lunch at the polo lounge
35:50or taking an ad out in Variety.
35:56Well, it's a unique way of looking at it, Beatty.
36:03Well, we certainly have a full complement of suspects.
36:06Mmm. Your taco's getting cold.
36:09Oh, I'm not hungry.
36:11Our esteemed client, Miss Wagenbacher,
36:13wants the commercials to end
36:15so she can represent Chef Gaston's arch-rival.
36:17Try a burrito. It's actually quite tasty.
36:20Heather has an offer to be spokeswoman for a shampoo.
36:22Any more sauce?
36:24Oh, yeah. Stan wants to direct a movie.
36:27And even our little Miss Moptop has a motive.
36:29Hmm? What's that?
36:31She knows about the affair Stan is having with Heather.
36:33She thinks if he leaves the commercials, he'll leave Heather, too.
36:36Well, I'm delighted we've crossed Derek off our list.
36:39You know,
36:42I actually miss him.
36:44I mean, doing all those scenes from his old movies,
36:47none of which you can remember.
36:49Hmm. He's actually quite an endearing character.
36:52Hmm. Yes.
36:55Good old endearing Derek.
36:57One of our more unique people we've encountered.
37:01Don't you think?
37:03Flamboyant, charming,
37:06wistful yet sensitive.
37:09Great panache, zest for life.
37:11But caring, very concerned.
37:14Enough about Derek, all right?
37:16Excuse me?
37:18Let's just get off Derek for a while, shall we?
37:21Did, uh...
37:23something happen between you two?
37:26Of course not. Why do you ask?
37:29Well, because every time I mention his name, you begin wolfing down food.
37:34I'm not hungry.
37:36Precisely.
37:38It's nothing important.
37:40Then you won't mind sharing it with me, eh?
37:44It was a little misunderstanding.
37:46Hmm?
37:47Ah, hell. He made a pass at me.
37:51Derek?
37:52It wasn't anything I couldn't handle.
37:54Actually, I felt sorry for him in a way.
37:56He was so transparent in his attempt,
37:58so childlike in his guilt.
38:00What kind of pass?
38:02What sort of passes are there?
38:03I mean, verbal, physical?
38:05Both.
38:06How physical?
38:07I don't think this is water that we should wade into here.
38:09Laura, you're the one who brought this up.
38:10If you didn't want me to take an interest in this,
38:12why did you mention it in the first place?
38:14You dragged me into it.
38:15I didn't drag. I simply inquired,
38:17and you chose to respond to my inquiries.
38:19Now, dammit, I mean, how physical did...
38:21did the bloody twit get?
38:25A few kisses.
38:26Did you respond?
38:27Of course I responded.
38:28How?
38:30I told him to get off.
38:32What was he on?
38:34The couch.
38:35Where were you?
38:37Under him.
38:38Good God.
38:40The more you reassure me, the worse it gets.
38:43Where are you going?
38:44To the barbecue in Old Ham.
38:46Excuse me, will you?
38:48Hmm.
39:01Hmm.
39:07Hello.
39:08Now, yes, here's just one.
39:10One?
39:11One call for you, Mr. Vivian.
39:12Oh.
39:13Hmm.
39:14This is an unlisted number,
39:15so I take it you know whom you're calling.
39:17Derek, it's Heather.
39:20Aren't you content to torment me for 12 hours a day?
39:24Must you make obscene calls, too?
39:26I just want to apologize to you
39:28for thinking you were trying to kill me.
39:33I know who it is now,
39:35and I never thought I'd say this to you,
39:37but, Derek...
39:39Derek, I need you to help me prove it.
39:43Look, look, I'm at the studio.
39:46Please, you must help me.
39:52Of course, my dear child.
39:54You stay where you are.
39:56I'm on my way.
39:58I'll be back in a minute.
40:28Laura, I've just received a most strange call from Heather.
40:32No, no, let me amend that. Any call from Heather would be strange.
40:35But this one positively reeks of nutsiness.
40:38She apologised for suspecting me of trying to kill her.
40:42Said she knew who the real culprit was and asked for my help to prove it.
40:46Where is she?
40:47She's waiting down at the studio.
40:49Better let me handle it.
40:51Why do you think I called?
40:53I may be a drunk, but I'm not a fool.
40:56I wouldn't trust that little twitch in a room full of nuns.
41:00Tell Mr. Steele to meet me at the studio.
41:02Steele? He's not here.
41:04He will be.
41:19I've got a bone to pick with the old chum.
41:21A bone, sport?
41:23You made a pass at Miss Holton.
41:24Oh, yes. Let's expect it of me.
41:26I'm the Errol Flynn of the eighties.
41:28You embarrassed her and, quite frankly, you disappointed me.
41:31I thought we were supposed to be friends.
41:33Why should a harmless assault affect our friendship?
41:36In addition to being business associates, Laura and I are...
41:41personally involved.
41:43I must say, you do a remarkable job of keeping it a secret.
41:46We can't go around pawing each other in public, can we?
41:48How would it look to our clients?
41:50Besides, we've been awfully busy on this case.
41:53We haven't had a moment to ourselves.
41:55No candlelit dinners.
41:57No unexpected flowers.
41:59No unbridled passion.
42:01That sort of thing could be fatal to a relationship.
42:05Keeping your nose to the grindstone only gets you a sore nose.
42:08Well, we did share a taco earlier.
42:10Yes. Well, you take it from a scarred veteran of the Romantic Wars
42:14that it is distressingly easy to fall into a rut,
42:18take each other for granted, misplace the magic.
42:22That's how I lost three of my wives.
42:25The three I liked the best.
42:27Now you must lavish her with flowers, champagne,
42:32a sensible diamond.
42:36Ah, yes, she's gone to the studio.
42:40She's gone to meet Olivier's killer,
42:44and she wants you to join her there.
42:46Well, then I'm afraid the sensible diamond will have to wait.
42:48Would you mind if I join you?
42:50After all, I am the intended victim.
42:52Please do follow. Can you walk?
42:54Just. Good.
43:01Heather?
43:03What are you doing here?
43:06Oh, Derek called me.
43:09He said you wanted him to come.
43:12I'm here to help you.
43:14Where is Derek?
43:16He isn't coming.
43:18That's too bad.
43:21That's really too bad.
43:26Heather?
43:35Heather, why don't you come out?
43:37We can talk.
43:40Ah!
43:42Mady.
43:44Mady, that little wimp.
43:48Now I know why Stan doesn't want to have anything to do with her.
43:52When he can have me.
43:55Wouldn't you want someone like me?
43:58Someone fresh, beautiful, sexy.
44:04Stan says mental illness isn't sexy.
44:09But does she get the message?
44:12No.
44:14No, she follows us everywhere.
44:18She spies on us.
44:21She watches us make love.
44:24That's sick. Don't you think that's sick?
44:28But Stan won't leave her.
44:31But Stan won't leave her.
44:34Because he feels sorry for her.
44:37But I don't.
44:40I want to kill her.
44:42I'll help you. I'll get Mady out of your life.
44:45For good.
44:47Will you put her back in that house?
44:49Yes, that's where she belongs.
44:51They said she was cured.
44:53But if she's cured, why does she have those bad dreams all the time?
44:56Why does she wake Stan up every night shrieking?
44:59I'll call the doctor. They'll take her away.
45:02No. She'll never leave him.
45:05We'll have to live together, side by side.
45:09Then why not kill Mady?
45:12Why go after poor Derek?
45:14Poor Derek. He makes me crazy.
45:17Oh, he's laughing at me.
45:19He tries to make me have to be a fool in front of the crew.
45:22I'm the real star of these commercials.
45:25Stan, he's holding me back.
45:27Making me sell all this frozen garbage.
45:29That must be Derek.
45:31He said he'd call to see if you really wanted him to come.
45:34Let me tell him to come.
45:36Please, he's going to hang up in a minute.
45:38Tell him to hurry up.
45:42What?
45:44Perhaps she hasn't arrived yet.
45:47Hit it, Fred.
45:50I hate people who lie to me.
45:53Hollywood is so full of phonies.
45:55That's all you can do to keep your head on straight.
45:57It was Derek.
45:59I know it was. Let me call him back.
46:01No!
46:20It's the rescue team from young Raleigh.
46:44Poor sweet Mady.
46:46I sincerely hope they can help her.
46:48As far as I can understand it,
46:50since Stan preferred Heather to her,
46:52in Mady's disturbed mind, she became Heather.
46:55Well, wouldn't it seem logical?
46:57And I know that's a strange word to use,
46:59for her simply to kill Heather.
47:01It would be like committing suicide after you.
47:03Since Heather, the real Heather, hated Derek,
47:06it was much easier to go after him.
47:08Truly a wondrous place, Hollywood.
47:11What is this?
47:13I thought we were just going to grab a quick bite
47:16while we finished our paperwork.
47:18Laura, we must never, never allow our work
47:21to interfere with other, more pleasurable pursuits.
47:24Voila.
47:44And now, for the piece de resistance.
47:50Which would you prefer?
47:52Chef Gaston's Beef Bourguignon,
47:54or Bill Fricassee, eh?
48:14© BF-WATCH TV 2021