Оnlу Fооls & Ноrsеs S03 Е07 - Who's a Pretty Boy
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00:00Here, look at who's here, look. Phil the floater.
00:17Oi, now don't you go winding him up. It could be rivers of blood.
00:22Yeah, there will be rivers of blood. Look at the way he tucked us up with that paint
00:25last week. Here, just shove that on the meter and I'll
00:29see you inside in a minute, alright? Hello, Rangy, my son. How are you? Alright?
00:38Yeah, I saw your missus on Tuesday. She got a terrible spot on her forehead, didn't she?
00:43Hello, sweetheart. Yeah, he's a nice bloke, you know that, Rangy.
00:48He took me and Rodney over to Southall last week. They were holding this Asian song contest.
00:52Is that right? Yeah, a bloke called Sing won it.
00:57What do you want, usual? Yeah, Campari and Diet Coke, please.
01:02Yeah, how's the new governor treating you? Oh, he's alright. Do you know we're having
01:07this place done up? Are you? About time it was redecorated. Last time it was done, they
01:11had to keep stopping because of the zeppelin raids.
01:14Look who's here, look. Oh, yeah, there he is. Paddy McGinty's goat.
01:17Are you alright, Del? Alright? What do you mean, alright? After that
01:20paint you sold me. Was there something wrong with it?
01:23It's supposed to be apple white. What was it? Battleship grey.
01:27Well, there's a thing. I tell you what, if on me travels I come across someone who wants
01:32their battleship painted, I'll put him in touch. You do that, you do. You're a right
01:37con merchant, you are, aren't you, eh? I don't know how people like you can live with yourselves,
01:41really. You know that overcoat you sold me, Dad? Yeah. It's got a great big lump in the
01:45back. Well, of course, it's genuine camel hair, isn't it?
01:50What's he doing there?
01:52Yeah, alright, alright. I'll let you off the paint this time. Here, I thought you were
01:57going back to Dublin's fair city. I was, until the brewery decided to have this place redecorated.
02:02Oh, and you've got the contract, have you? As good as. I've arranged it with the governor
02:07that mines the lowest estimate. See you, Del. Oh, by the way, if you come across young
02:12Denzel, tell him I tried to phone him twice last night, but I haven't got his number.
02:18Here, just a minute. Has he got your phone number? No. I'll tell him to phone you then.
02:25Thanks. Wait, just a minute, just a minute. Here, what do you want with Denzel, anyway?
02:31Ah, he's after having me decorate his front room. It'll be a couple of hundred to take
02:35back to the old country. Yeah, well, listen, when you go back to the old country, don't
02:39eat any of them carrots. Why is that? Got potato blight. Would you believe it?
02:48Are you all right there, Rodney? Ah, yes, yes. Terrific. Thank you, Brandon.
02:53Were you happy with that paint I got you last week? The paint? Yeah. Ice.
02:59Good. I'll see you around then. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you take care of it yourself.
03:09Don't know how I managed to keep my hands off you.
03:12Come on, drink up, we're going. What do you mean, drink up? I haven't had a drink yet.
03:17Good, I don't want you falling off the ladder. What ladder? The ladder round at Denzel's place.
03:22Dale, what are you talking about? We're doing up Denzel's front room.
03:26You never told me. I know I couldn't. I mean, be fair, Rodney. I haven't even told Denzel yet.
03:33Dale, I've told you before, I'm going to tell you again. We should have nothing to do with it.
03:37I know, but Denzel's no good at papering and painting and that sort of thing.
03:40Well, that makes three of us. Look, no, you seem to forget that Grandad used to be a decorator for the council.
03:46Dale, that was in 1924. He used to go to work on an horse. And even then he got the sack after two days for wallpapering over a serving hatch.
03:56Oi, that's another thing. How do you think Denzel's wife's going to react after what you did to her last year?
04:01Now, Rodney, that's all in the past. Corinne's a sensible girl. It's forgive and forget. That's her.
04:06Anyway, give us a chance to get even with that Paddy. I'd love to take a couple of hundred off him.
04:10Anyway, you never know. We might be able to get a shot of that paint.
04:13Oh, yeah. I mean, everyone's having their woodwork done battleship grey nowadays.
04:17What you don't know, Corinne and Denzel may quite like it.
04:22What you don't know, Corinne and Denzel may quite like it.
04:25Dale, you'll make their front room look like the conning tower off the Art Royal.
04:30Shut up, you tart.
04:33Come on, Sylvester. Talk to Denzel. Say Viv Richards is king.
04:39Come on. Let me hear them golden tones. Come on.
04:44Oh, you stupid, rash bird.
04:48All right, I'm coming.
04:49You'll have sailors doing the hornpipe, jump jets landing on the sofa.
04:52Will you shut up, Rodney?
04:55Dale, my man.
04:57Denzel, my son, how are you?
04:59Come in.
05:01Haven't seen you for ages. Where have you been?
05:03Well, you know, me here, there, everywhere, ducking and diving.
05:06Rodney, you're looking good.
05:08Yeah.
05:12It's cool. I like it. I tell you, if he wasn't so white, I'd swear he was black.
05:19Yeah, he is white, isn't he?
05:21He's the whitest man I've ever seen in all me life.
05:23I'm not ever so white.
05:25You are. You'd make an albino look bronzed.
05:30Here, grab one of these each.
05:31Oh, here, Denzel. Corinne ain't about, is she?
05:34No, no, she's round her sisters.
05:36But you're not still worried about what happened, are you?
05:38Come on, Dale, she's forgotten all about that now.
05:41Anyway, what brings you round?
05:42I think we was just passing through, that's what we call it.
05:45Have you had this place done up?
05:46No.
05:47No, I didn't think you had.
05:49Getting it decorated soon, though.
05:51Corinne's been on at me for ages about it.
05:53For I'm no good at that sort of thing.
05:55So I got the Irishman to do it.
05:56Oh, Brendan? Oh, well, you can't go far wrong with him, Denzel.
05:59He's a good man.
06:01Here, did you hear about that house he did up in?
06:03Where was it? Kings Avenue?
06:05He made a beautiful job of it, so I hear.
06:07Mind you, I only saw it after the fire.
06:14He's a pretty boy. He's a lovely boy, isn't he?
06:16Is he yours, Denzel?
06:17No, he's Corinne's. She's had him for a few years.
06:20What fire?
06:21Eh?
06:22You mean the house burnt down?
06:24Oh, yeah, but don't get me wrong, it wasn't Brendan's fault.
06:26I mean, look, I know a lot of blokes who like to have a couple of pints at dinner time
06:29and it's very easy to forget where you left your blow lamp.
06:33So it was accidental, then?
06:34Oh, yeah, it was an accident.
06:36Even the coroner said so.
06:39The coroner?
06:40Yeah.
06:41Right, that's it. I'm not having no drunken Irishman
06:43falling about my living room with a lighted blow lamp.
06:45No way.
06:46Oh, my God.
06:48Oh, I wish I hadn't said nothing now.
06:52Oh, I feel really bad about this.
06:54You know, what with Brendan being a mate and all.
06:56Look, never mind Denzel.
06:58Look on the bright side.
06:59He might not burn your place down.
07:02Yeah, well, I'm taking no chances, Del.
07:04I'm getting somebody else in to do the job.
07:06Oh, well. Well, this is up to you.
07:08I mean, as I always used to say to my customers
07:10when I was in the painting and decorating game, I used to say,
07:12it's your money, it's your choice.
07:15You never told me you used to be a painter and decorator.
07:18Oh, yeah, yeah.
07:19It's been the family trade for generations, isn't it, Rodney?
07:21Eh?
07:22Yeah.
07:23The artsy.
07:24But demand got too much, we had to give it up in the end.
07:28Well, listen.
07:29Couldn't you just do this living room for us?
07:31What? This?
07:32Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, mate.
07:34No, no. You know what?
07:35We've given the game up now.
07:37Oh, come on, Del.
07:38Corrine's been bending me ear about it for ages.
07:40Just this one room, yeah?
07:45No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:48No, I'm sorry.
07:49If I do it for you, I've got to do it for all the others, haven't I?
07:52Del, for a mate in trouble, please.
07:58All right. Just for you, though.
08:00Cheers, Del. You're a pal.
08:02I don't know. I don't know what it is with you.
08:04You manage to twist me right round your little finger, don't you?
08:07When can you start?
08:08First thing in the morning.
08:09Hundred up front. We supply the paint and that's extra.
08:11Done.
08:12And you will be.
08:14Get some more drinks.
08:15Good.
08:16What about that?
08:17Wouldn't he, eh? Wouldn't he?
08:18Nice little learner, eh?
08:20I don't think I'm ever so white.
08:23You are.
08:24You look like a blood donor who couldn't say no.
08:29Hiya.
08:30Hiya.
08:32Hello, baby. Have you missed me?
08:38Denzel!
08:40Denzel!
08:42What the hell is he doing in my home?
08:45Hello, Corinne. You look as lovely as ever.
08:48Del just popped in to say hi, hun.
08:50Did he really? Hello. There's the door.
08:53There's the door.
08:54She's a guard, isn't she?
08:57And what's he doing?
09:00I want you to tell me the truth, Corinne.
09:02Am I white?
09:05Denzel!
09:06Have you and Rodney been at the funny fags?
09:08No, honestly.
09:10We haven't. We've just got some drinks, that's all.
09:13I go round my sister's to see how she is after having the stitches out
09:16and I come back to find my home full of crazy people.
09:19Oh, come on, babe. Be friendly.
09:21Del's going to do the decorating for us.
09:23He's what?
09:24Well, I blew the Irish man out. I mean, I've heard bad things about him.
09:28Denzel, how can you trust this man?
09:30Every time you meet him, you end up drunk or out of pocket.
09:33Yeah, I know. But he's a mate.
09:38Would a mate sell you an overcoat like the one he sold you?
09:41Oh, no, come on, come on. Be fair, Corinne.
09:43That was a very nice overcoat.
09:45Looked like it was made to measure.
09:47Yeah, for the hunchback of Notre Dame.
09:51And what about the time he offered to do the catering for us?
09:54Oh, now, don't bring that up, honey, please.
09:56That was our wedding, Denzel!
10:01What was it we were supposed to have, Del?
10:04Lobster boulevard.
10:06Game pies.
10:08Kidneys with saffron rice.
10:11Beef and anchovy savouries.
10:13Philadelphia truffles.
10:15And what did we end up with?
10:17Pine chips all round.
10:20Oh, no, I explained all that, Corinne, didn't I?
10:22The fridge went on the blink and all the goodies went manky.
10:26What about our three-tier wedding cake?
10:29Yeah, well, that was in the fridge with all the other gear.
10:31I mean, the icing melted. It dripped everywhere.
10:34Yeah, yeah, that's true, Corinne.
10:36At the end of the week, it looked like a big candle.
10:39Thought you said she'd forgotten about all this.
10:41How can I forget it?
10:43I have to live with that wedding album the rest of my life.
10:46How many times have you seen a picture of a bride and groom
10:49cutting a jam sponge?
10:54No, no, be fair, Corinne, be fair.
10:56You only got that at the 11th hour.
10:59Otherwise, it could have been a nickels cake.
11:02You want them to do the decorating, then you let them.
11:06But I promise you this, Denzil, if anything goes wrong,
11:10I'll make you wish your mother had had a headache
11:12the night you was conceived.
11:28She's a little treasure, isn't she?
11:32Come on, Rodney, let's leave the lovebirds alone.
11:36Talking about birds, you just make sure that Busby's in the kitchen tomorrow
11:39because of the paint fumes.
11:41Leave the key under the mat.
11:43Cheer up, Denzil, you know it makes sense.
11:46Come on, let's get out of here.
11:51That'll keep us out of trouble for a couple of days.
11:54Look, I know I'm white, but I'm no whiter than anyone else.
11:58You are, you're whiter than Denzil.
12:00Couldn't have kint he's whiter than Denzil.
12:03Here, we might be able to earn a couple of bob out of this.
12:06Where?
12:07Well, we could hire you out for hauntings.
12:09I'm starting to get my wild up now.
12:11You'd do very well in one of those Mickey Mouse seances
12:13where you have to appear for a thin veil of gores.
12:16You can say, I am Rodney and you meet Ghost.
12:19Hey, that's mine!
12:21You salty little...
12:23Oh, no, it's gone under a bus now.
12:26It's you under that ruddy bus.
12:29I ain't got a serving hatch, have they?
12:33No, no, it's all right, don't worry.
12:37Right, come on, Rodney.
12:39Get them dust sheets all over this furniture, will you?
12:41Yeah.
12:44Hey, look, Corin's left a note.
12:50Leave the telly alone, don't eat the fruit and stay out of the kitchen.
12:54Leave the telly alone and don't eat the fruit?
12:57What sort of people does she think we are?
12:59Yeah, she got us tagged all wrong, didn't she?
13:03Hey, look at the time, it's like last night.
13:05Come on, Rodney, put the kettle on, we'll have a cup of tea.
13:07Del, she said stay out of that kitchen.
13:09Now, I reckon you're taking liberties.
13:11Well, everyone's entitled to a cup of tea, Rodney.
13:14I mean, it's in the Magna Carta or something.
13:17That's right, you're taking liberties, I ask you.
13:19Here, while you're out there, have a look in the cupboard,
13:21see if there are any Jaffa Cakes going.
13:23Go on, go on.
13:25Don't worry, Grandad, we'll soon have this job finished.
13:27Yeah, as soon as Rodney pulls his finger out.
13:29Yeah.
13:40If this gets a bit much for you, Del, you have a nice sit down, eh?
13:44It's all right, all right, Rodney, thank you.
13:46Go on, get going, get going, have it finished at this rate.
13:48Hello? Ginger? Del Boy?
13:51How you going, my son?
13:53Oh, no, we're all fine. We're absolutely fine here.
13:56Well, Rodney's looking a bit pale.
14:00Apart from that, we're all right.
14:02How's the family? Oh, terrific.
14:04Ginger? Who's he talking to? Ginger Ted?
14:07Yeah, sounds like it.
14:08Has he come back from Canada, then?
14:10What's the weather like over there?
14:12No.
14:13The time? It's just gone up past ten.
14:16What? Is it really?
14:18Come on, go on.
14:20Now, I tell you what, now you go back to sleep.
14:24I'll give you a bell tomorrow, all right, and I'll leave it a bit later, like.
14:27Yeah, all right, see you, pal.
14:29Ta-ra.
14:30God, look at that, it's marvellous, isn't it, eh?
14:32All the way to Vancouver and it's as clear as a bell.
14:34Yeah.
14:35Well, it's modern space technology, isn't it, eh?
14:38I've just been bounced off a stater light.
14:41Well, he finds out, so you bounce off Chelsea Bridge.
14:45Oi, you, where's my tea?
14:47What tea?
14:48Well, I asked you about an hour ago to put the kettle on
14:51to have a cup of Darjeeling, remember?
14:53Oh, God, yeah, I forgot all about it.
14:57Bloody hell, I left the kettle on the gas!
15:00Oh, stone me, Rodney!
15:01I don't know what's the matter with him sometimes,
15:03he seems to live in a world of his own.
15:05Oh, oh, oh, no!
15:07Here, Gail.
15:08What?
15:09Supposing this dude's tied the wallpaper, please?
15:11Oh, that's charming, that, isn't it?
15:12We come round here and do up the living room
15:14and end up stripping the kitchen.
15:15Oh, dear, I'm fucking oddly brave.
15:17You may not ever breathe again if this wallpaper is ruined.
15:20Oh, no, the condensation is everywhere.
15:23Quick, get me a cloth.
15:25Yeah, I'll open the window.
15:26Yeah, that's right, go on, Grandad.
15:28If we tidy this place up, maybe she might never notice.
15:31She might notice the kettle.
15:34Gordon Bennett, I don't believe it!
15:38Put it back, say nothing, she might blame Denzel.
15:41Come on, let me have a look at this.
15:43No, we're busy, Grandad.
15:45Look, I'm sorry about all this, Dale.
15:47It's just, what with all the other work in there...
15:49All right, all right, all right, Rodney.
15:51It's no good going on.
15:52It's just one of them things, you know.
15:54Accidents will happen.
15:55Yeah, cheers.
15:57Dale.
15:58Dale, look.
16:00It's the board.
16:08You don't look very well to me.
16:11That is most probably due to the fact, Grandad,
16:15that he is stone dead.
16:17You dozy little twat, Rodney.
16:20Hold on, just now you said it was an easy mistake to make.
16:24Yeah, it is if you're bloody stupid.
16:27It might not be completely dead.
16:29It might not be completely dead.
16:31It's just been sautéed.
16:33What is Corinne going to say when she comes back
16:36and finds out what you have done to her little pet?
16:40Well, I wouldn't mind seeing her face when she gets her next telephone bill.
16:43Look at this big hole you made in the kettle.
16:45It's not as big as the hole you made in them Jaffa cakes, is it?
16:48Will you two pack it in?
16:52We've got to think of a way out of this.
16:56I've got it.
16:57I've got it.
16:58We could say it was caused by paint fumes.
17:01Paint fumes.
17:02Paint fumes.
17:04When Corinne comes back in here,
17:06she's going to find her kettle's been knackered,
17:08her kitchen's been turned into a Turkish bath,
17:10and she's got a Kentucky-fried canary at the bottom of her cage.
17:14And we're going to say paint fumes did it.
17:19Yeah, you're right.
17:21Listen, wait a minute, wait a minute.
17:23Tell you what we'll do.
17:24Rodney and I, we'll try and clear this place up.
17:26Granddad, I want you to go down the ice tree,
17:27and I want you to get a packet of Jaffa cakes and a canary.
17:30Where do I get a canary from?
17:32Well, why don't you try the boat, Mindy?
17:34Don't you get saucy, Rodney.
17:35You ain't too big to get a slap round the head.
17:37Oi, will you stop it, you two.
17:38We haven't got much time now, go on.
17:40Well, how much is a canary?
17:42Well, how the bleedin' hell do I know?
17:46Here, look, take that lot.
17:47Go on, make sure you don't get mugged.
17:51Make sure you get a canary, you know, and a yellow one.
17:55Yeah, we don't want a budgie or a parrot.
17:58No, you want a canary, don't you?
18:00All right, write it down for him, Rodney.
18:02Write it down.
18:03It's all right, I remember.
18:05Yellow canary.
18:06Go on, hurry up, then.
18:07Yellow canary.
18:08Yellow canary.
18:09Yellow canary.
18:13Well, I suppose it could have been worse.
18:19Could it?
18:21Well, if you're going to be like that, no.
18:25I'll tell you what we're going to do, all right?
18:26If we clean this place up, polish the kettle, put a new canary in the cage,
18:31maybe Corin won't suspect anything.
18:36Grandad's the one that worries me.
18:39What do you mean?
18:40I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
18:43He's going to come back with a goldfish.
18:55Louis, I need a canary, quick.
18:58Hey, Grandad, it's a long time, eh?
19:02You sit down for a while.
19:04No, I ain't got time.
19:05You want a drink?
19:06No, I want a canary.
19:08This is an emergency.
19:10Emergency?
19:12I never sold an emergency canary before.
19:14I'll tell you what I got for you.
19:16I got a lovely green fish.
19:18She's beautiful.
19:20No, I want a canary.
19:23You want a bird of paradise.
19:27Is it a canary?
19:29No.
19:31Well, I don't want it.
19:32All right, all right, stay calm now, please.
19:34What do you want?
19:35I want a canary.
19:37He wants a canary.
19:39I got only one canary.
19:42I'll take it.
19:43No, no, Luca, it's not as simple as that.
19:45This is my canary.
19:48This is a toro.
19:51He is my own pet.
19:55Can't you sell him?
19:57No, he's been with me for years.
20:00He's like a one of the family.
20:03He is my own flesh and blood.
20:07I'll give you £45.
20:09Okey-dokey, show him.
20:20Hello, Grandad.
20:22Oh, hello, Corinne, love.
20:24Smashing weather, ain't it?
20:26Yeah, I thought you was back at the flat.
20:28I am.
20:30What I mean is I just popped out to get something to eat.
20:38Are you going home straight away?
20:40No, I've got a bit more shopping to do.
20:42Oh, good.
20:44Well, I'll see you back there later, love.
20:53That thing cost 50 quid.
20:56Yeah.
20:58I mean, they was much cheaper in my day and age.
21:01I thought they were much cheaper in his day and age.
21:04I mean, for 50 sovs, you could have at least got a bigger one.
21:07No, no, because then Corinne would have known the difference.
21:11You see, to us it's just a canary, but to her it's a personal friend.
21:15We ought to double-check it, you know,
21:17make sure it ain't got no distinguishing features.
21:20You mean like freckles or a birthmark?
21:24Dale, if this one is different, she'll twig it straight away.
21:28Grandad, go down to Vets and see if you can get his dental records.
21:32Sit down, sit down.
21:38Look, Soppy, unless the other one had got a dimple in its chin and a beer gut,
21:42no-one is going to be none the wiser.
21:45Now, come on, let's get back in the other room
21:47and make it look as though we've done something today.
21:50Quick, quick, get up the stairs.
21:53Grandad, get us a wall, go on.
21:55That's the way, Rodney, lots of care.
21:58That's right, I want this to be a 100% luxurious job.
22:02I want this place to look like a palace for Denzel and Corinne when they...
22:06Oh, hello, Corinne.
22:08How are you, sweetheart?
22:10I'm fine, thanks.
22:12Want a cup of tea?
22:14No!
22:16Come on, Rodney, don't wipe my head off.
22:18I only asked if you wanted a cup of tea.
22:20No, no, it's all right, Corinne.
22:21It's just that we're like that Magnus Mackerson, you know.
22:24We've started, so we'll finish.
22:26Give me a sort of personal pride with us trotters.
22:31OK, please yourselves.
22:35She's going to twig it. I know she is.
22:38And, Rodney, just...
22:40You know, just have faith in me, will you?
22:43There is no way in a million years that she is going to suspect...
22:46What's happened to my canary?
22:50On the other hand...
22:52What's up, love?
22:53Listen to me, listen to me.
22:54If that thing's laid an egg, I'm going to kill you.
22:59Look.
23:01He seems all right to me, love.
23:03Yeah, there's nothing wrong with him.
23:05Yeah, look at him, he's hopping about all over the place like a good'un.
23:08Yeah, I know that, but when I woke up this morning, he was dead.
23:14APPLAUSE
23:29I never did like that, Corinne.
23:31No, fancy chucking us out like that.
23:34Yeah.
23:35I mean, what did she expect?
23:37How many decorating firms does she know
23:39to give you a free canary with every job?
23:42I can't imagine there's many, Delf.
23:44No.
23:45And was she satisfied?
23:48I said, was she satisfied?
23:50No. No, of course she wasn't.
23:52Imagine if she'd just buried the thing this morning.
23:55She was too upset, weren't she?
23:57That's why she was waiting for Denzel to come home.
24:00She could have at least told us it was laying in state in the kitchen.
24:04She wasn't there, was she?
24:06That's why she left a note.
24:07Please do not go in the kitchen.
24:10Look, she ain't blaming us for the demise of Busby.
24:13I think what really got up her nose
24:15was when she went to make a cup of coffee and flooded the kitchen.
24:21She turned down my offer of a brand-new kettle, didn't she?
24:24Didn't have a tenner on her.
24:27Could have paid on the weekly.
24:30You all right, Delf?
24:32Yeah, hello, Brendan.
24:33Rodney?
24:36She wet me nose, Delf boy.
24:38No.
24:39Corin's not the sort to broadcast it.
24:42I told, I told poor Italy.
24:49Mouthy cow.
24:52I was talking to Italian Louie.
24:55He told me he sold your flea-bitten canary for 45 pounds.
25:0445 pounds?
25:06What did I say then, Delf?
25:08What did you say?
25:09Don't worry, Delf.
25:11I've taken over the job at Denzel's flat.
25:13But it'll cost him a bit more.
25:15Now you amateurs have been playing around with it.
25:19Do you know what, Rodney?
25:21If Brendan wasn't so big, I'd give him a right seeing-to.
25:23Yeah, so would I.
25:25Well, you're as tall as he is, Rodney.
25:32Well, you can't hit a man at that age, can you?
25:36You all right, gents?
25:37How are you?
25:38Oh, you must be the new governor.
25:40That's right, Mike Fisher.
25:42Pleased to meet you.
25:43Hello, Mike.
25:44Daryl Trotter.
25:45People may have mentioned me.
25:47Yes.
25:48Certainly have.
25:50Well, of course, I'm a popular character around these parts.
25:52Mike, could you just tell me,
25:54is it true that the brewery are going to have this place decorated?
25:57Yeah, that's right.
25:58In the very near future.
26:00Is it also true that Mouth Almighty over there has got the contract?
26:03Well, let's just say he's favourite.
26:05His estimate's by far the lowest.
26:07Hey, how much is he doing it for?
26:09Oh, come on.
26:10It's confidential, isn't it?
26:12No, no, it's not, no.
26:13Come on, Brendan and I, well, I mean, we're like that.
26:15I don't suppose it matters who knows.
26:17He's bragging about it himself now.
26:19Now, he reckons he'll do it for a grand.
26:21Grand, eh?
26:22And who decides which estimate to accept?
26:25I do.
26:30Um, Michael,
26:32could I have a word in your shell-like?
26:36Um, I might be able to offer you a much better deal, my son.
26:40I could get this pub decorated to exactly the same standard as Brendan,
26:45and it would cost your brewery a mere...
26:48£2,000.
26:50£2,000?
26:52That must be a tempting offer, eh, Robert?
26:55Well, he's a born businessman, isn't he?
26:58Hang about, hang about.
27:00But why should I turn down an offer of £1,000 and accept one of £2,000?
27:05Because of all the advantages it has to offer,
27:08like my specialised profit-sharing scheme.
27:11Let me explain how it works.
27:14The £2,000 would be dispersed thus.
27:19There would be £500 for you,
27:22and £500 for thee.
27:26What, you mean I'll get £500?
27:28Oh, yes.
27:29Yeah, and what happens to the £1,000 that's left over?
27:32We give that to the Irishman and let him do the job.
27:38You've got a deal, Mr Troxler, haven't you, Michael?
27:41Brendan, can I have a word?
27:43Who's a pretty boy, then?