Frasier Season 7 Episode 10 Back Talk
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00:00Ruff-y ruff-day, Razor!
00:07Why, Eddie, you can talk.
00:18I've always been able to talk.
00:22I just save it for special occasions like somebody's ruff-day.
00:28Yes, yes, Eddie, thank you very much.
00:31But listen, I'd like to talk about Dad.
00:33I think his mind may be slipping.
00:37Hey, don't say stuff like that to him.
00:39He's a dog. He might not know you're joking.
00:41My dad, I didn't even know you were here.
00:46Well, just give me a couple more minutes
00:48and I'll have your birthday breakfast all ready.
00:51Come on, Eddie.
00:53Right behind you.
01:02Oh, Will, it's very nice, Dad.
01:05Yes.
01:06Oh, and look what I got.
01:08A newspaper from the day you were born.
01:10I keep telling you to clean out their closet of yours.
01:15I ordered it.
01:16Yes, well, let's just see what other wonders occurred on that day.
01:24Suspected pinko ousted from crossing guard post.
01:31What a jolly world I was born into.
01:34Now, I know tonight's your party, but here.
01:39Happy birthday.
01:41Make a wish.
01:48What's the matter?
01:50My back.
01:52Oh.
01:53It's completely seized up.
01:55Oh, okay. Well, come on. Now, just take it easy.
01:58There you go.
01:59Oh, my God.
02:05It's been a little tender lately.
02:07I went to see the doctor last week.
02:09He told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.
02:11Doctors never tell you anything.
02:13It's just a bunch of overpaid quacks.
02:15Oh, I'm sorry.
02:17I don't mean you.
02:18I mean, I'm talking about real doctors.
02:23How could this be happening to me?
02:25I'm always so conscientious about back safety.
02:27Well, just the other day, you know, when I needed that large, heavy stack of books from down in the storage room,
02:32I insisted that Daphne make three trips.
02:36Well, you know what?
02:38I got that old girdle in my bedroom.
02:40Let me go get it.
02:42Please, I'm not going to wear anything called a girdle.
02:45What if I called it a back brace?
02:48Get it!
03:01Daphne!
03:07Oh, my God.
03:14Coming.
03:20This wouldn't be taking me so long if my housekeeper were here.
03:31I'm a physical therapist.
03:35You could get me into a chair.
03:37Oh, goodness.
03:38Is your back bothering you again?
03:40Thank you, dear.
03:41Oh, I'm sorry I made you get up.
03:42I forgot my key.
03:43You know, perhaps you should get a spare set made just to keep it, Donny.
03:46For God's sake, you're practically living there as it is.
03:49Oh, now, Dr. Crane, you'd better get used to it.
03:52Once I'm married, I will be living there.
03:55I know what'll help that back, a nice massage.
03:58There you go.
03:59Oh, the girdle.
04:00That'll help.
04:04Now, this'll be kind of hard to put on by yourself,
04:06but if Daphne holds one end and I hold the other, you can kind of spin into it.
04:10Please, Dad, this is humiliating enough as it is.
04:13What's humiliating about it?
04:14You just hook it in the back like a bra.
04:16Just give me that!
04:23Mr. Crane, does it bother you when I stay over at Donny's?
04:27No.
04:28Well, it seems to bother Dr. Crane.
04:30Oh, he's just cranky because of his back.
04:32Good Lord, Queen Elizabeth had another baby.
04:39Look, I don't care what science can do.
04:41It's just not right.
04:51Oh, that'll be just fine right there.
04:54Be sure to thank the gang for the flowers, Connie.
04:57You're welcome, Dr. Crane.
04:59Happy birthday.
05:01Birthday?
05:05Happy birthday, Frasier.
05:07Thank you, Ross.
05:10Not off to the best start, though.
05:13My back is out.
05:15Why don't you go home?
05:16We'll just air the best of Crane.
05:18I'll drop your gift by later.
05:19No, no, Ross.
05:22I couldn't do that.
05:23I promised my listeners that I'd read a birthday address.
05:27Well, uh, people might have forgotten.
05:30People do have busy lives, you know.
05:34So, Ross, I announced it twice.
05:36Anyone paying even the slightest attention would know.
05:40Say, what are you doing over there?
05:43Just, uh, wondering when to surprise you with your present.
05:50Oh, Ross.
05:51I guess now is as good a time as any.
05:54We keep promising each other we're not going to do this.
05:57We have to stop spoiling one another.
06:00What am I supposed to do, just forget your birthday?
06:04Oh, good Lord, Ross.
06:05You know, I read the most wonderful review of this recently.
06:09I hope you like it.
06:11Oh, look, you've inscribed it.
06:13I did?
06:16You'll always be my baby.
06:20I must have had a glass of wine when I wrote that.
06:24Love, Mom.
06:30Well, there's our bent and broken birthday boy.
06:35I brought you a little gift.
06:36Say hello to sweet salvation, the lumbar log.
06:40Oh, thank you, Niles.
06:45I think the whole thing is probably stress-related.
06:48Well, that's very possible.
06:50Birthdays can be anxiety-provoking.
06:53Especially for people of a certain age.
06:57I am not of a certain age, Niles.
07:00I am smack dab in the middle of not a kid anymore.
07:02I won't be of a certain age for another ten years.
07:05You know, if your back pain is stress-related,
07:08I read a magazine article with an exercise that might help.
07:11You just go someplace where nobody can hear you
07:14and list all the things that bug you.
07:17What esteemed medical journal did you find this little tidbit?
07:20Cosmo?
07:23No, Glamour.
07:27Oh, that's priceless.
07:29I can't find the right shade of lipstick.
07:31I look terrible in a bikini.
07:33He can't find my G-spot.
07:38I said do it someplace private.
07:42Yeah, it couldn't hurt, Frazier.
07:44Oh, Niles, it's absurd.
07:46Hmm.
07:47The more you resist, the more I'm wondering
07:49if there's something you're trying to avoid.
07:52Well, thanks for backing me up, Niles.
07:54You know, the same article said if you rub a raw potato...
07:58If we're going to sell him on this, you should drop out now.
08:03No one is going to sell me on anything.
08:05That sort of exercise only helps people that lack self-awareness.
08:08I, for one, am...
08:11God almighty!
08:13Well, no wonder you're stressed.
08:15You've got a whole universe to run.
08:20Thirty seconds, Frazier.
08:22All right, I'm going to be off.
08:23You take care of yourself.
08:24I'll see you tonight.
08:25All right.
08:26Are you sure you're up to this?
08:28Oh, I'll be fine, Ross.
08:30I'm not as delicate as all that.
08:32How'd you do it, anyway?
08:34Blowing out a cupcake.
08:40You know, Frazier, we can always put in a best of crane.
08:44No, no, Ross.
08:45Now, just have a little bit of faith in me.
08:47I'm a lot tougher than that.
08:50I'll tell you what.
08:51If I feel like I need help toward the end of the show,
08:54I'll give you a little signal, all right?
08:57All right.
08:58Five seconds.
09:01Gosh, you know, these flowers really are beautiful.
09:08Good afternoon, Seattle.
09:29Hello?
09:30Anyone here?
09:35I guess they're all out.
09:36Okay, well, let's just get you settled.
09:39Niles, Niles, slow down!
09:41For God's sake!
09:42We're not running a three-legged race!
09:44Ow, ow, ow, ow!
09:46Don't you have somewhere to be?
09:48Well, since you bring it up,
09:50I do actually have a luncheon with my new lady love.
09:52Oh, well, gosh, I'd hate to let my pain stand in the way of that.
09:56That orthopedist of yours told me there was nothing wrong.
09:59Frazier, I looked at the x-rays myself.
10:01This is not a skeletal problem.
10:03All right, there.
10:04It's fine, and I'm sure Dad will be by soon.
10:06No, wait!
10:09This couch has absolutely no support.
10:12Let's try the chair over there, please.
10:16All right.
10:18You're not heavy.
10:19You're my brother.
10:23Ow, ow!
10:24How could you even take me to that unprofessional hack?
10:28All he did was give me a bottle full of horse tranquilizers.
10:31Didn't care about getting to the root of the problem.
10:33He just wanted to shut me up.
10:36I think it might be time for one of those pills.
10:46All comfy?
10:52This won't do.
10:53It's even harder than a seat on a public bus.
10:56Oh, when were you ever on a bus?
11:00I went to a party once for the Friends of Transit.
11:04I wasn't invited to that.
11:06Will you just help me up, for God's sake?
11:09All right, all right.
11:10Hold on, hold on.
11:11Ow, ow.
11:12Ow, okay?
11:13Ow, ow.
11:14Ow.
11:15Oh, God, you know, maybe I should take another one of those pills.
11:18All right, all right.
11:19I'll get you a glass of water, okay?
11:21All right.
11:22Here we go.
11:23You know, things really are going well with Mel.
11:29I hang out with her almost every night.
11:31I don't want to jinx things,
11:32but I dare say we're well on our way to becoming what might almost pass for an item.
11:45I mean the pleasure.
11:46She is just the...
11:53Oh, my God, did you fall?
11:57I'm actually quite comfortable now.
12:01Look, there's no glare on the television.
12:06And here's a lovely place to set your drink.
12:11Just give me your hand and whatever the chair's telling you, don't listen.
12:14No, no, no.
12:16It's helping my back, actually.
12:18You know, and when you sit in it, you don't have to look at it.
12:25If you're really interested in correcting this problem and not just medicating it,
12:28you should consider that technique Roz mentioned, you know, listing your problems aloud.
12:32Oh, give me a break.
12:34Well, it's perfectly possible this is connected to some submerged anxiety.
12:39What's bothering you all?
12:40Yes, now, do you really expect me to sit here all alone in this apartment
12:43prattling on endlessly about my problems like some sort of a lunatic?
12:48You think I'm going to do that?
12:49Andy needs to get his head examined.
12:57Oh, good God.
12:59Oh, Andy.
13:01Please, just chill.
13:02Get off of me.
13:03Get off of me.
13:13What?
13:18You know what's bothering me, too?
13:20All right, well, here's a start.
13:22I'm talking to a dog.
13:23That bothers me.
13:27I'm another year older today.
13:29I suppose that bothers me.
13:35Not as much as people seem to think.
13:43I'm still single.
13:47That's a big one.
13:50Not having a woman to share my life with.
13:55The only women in my life are friends, Roz and Daphne.
13:59Daphne's not even here anymore.
14:01She'll be married soon.
14:03That's going to be tough on Dad.
14:07Who am I kidding?
14:09It's going to be tough on me.
14:14It's nice having her here.
14:17Even when my love life isn't going so well,
14:20I can always come home to a warm and considerate woman.
14:26You know, that's probably why I've been so brusque with her lately.
14:31I know that once she's gone,
14:35I'll probably be twice as lonely.
14:41Well, it's quite a realization, isn't it?
14:47I really do love Daphne.
14:55I'm about to lose her.
14:59Got to show her how I feel about her while I still have a chance.
15:10I don't know if it was the therapy or the painkillers,
15:14but I actually feel a bit better.
15:17Let's try this.
15:27You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up.
15:34Oh, Dr. Crane.
15:37I didn't know you were here.
15:38Daphne.
15:39You can't hear anything in that shower of mine.
15:41It's like a soundproof vault.
15:43Daphne, I wanted to apologize for being so short with you this morning.
15:50It's fine.
15:51No, it's not.
15:52It's never fine.
15:55Come here, please.
16:05Give me a hug.
16:09Oh, Daph.
16:11Do you know how much you mean to me?
16:14I'm getting an idea.
16:25Hey, Daph.
16:30What's wrong?
16:31You all right?
16:32Well, actually, no.
16:35I overheard something I wasn't supposed to hear.
16:40It's about Dr. Crane.
16:44I overheard him say he's in love with me.
16:48What?
16:49And he wants to show me how much he loves me while he still has the chance.
16:53Oh, geez.
16:54Not this.
16:56You knew about this?
16:58I'm not getting in the middle of this.
17:00Then it's true.
17:01Look, I kept my mouth shut for six years.
17:03I'm not saying anything now.
17:06Six years?
17:08He's felt this way for six years?
17:10You didn't hear that from me.
17:14Daphne, Daphne, I can't lower myself into the job.
17:20Well, don't look at me.
17:23No, I thought I'd skip the bath and take you up on that massage you offered.
17:28Those expert hands of yours might be just what the doctor ordered.
17:32Let's do it in my bedroom, shall we?
17:46Oh, what kept you?
17:49Daphne, here, just help me out of this robe, please.
17:52I nearly killed myself putting it on.
17:55Oh.
17:57Oh.
17:59Oh.
18:01Ah.
18:06All right.
18:08Ah.
18:13Here we go.
18:20Now, remember,
18:24your back's very tender,
18:26so no sudden movements.
18:39Oh.
18:44You know, I'm catching a draft in this robe.
18:48Perhaps I'd better change.
18:50I'll be waiting.
18:54Oh.
19:00Hey, Prage.
19:02Yes, sir?
19:03Did Daphne tell you?
19:05Tell me what?
19:06She found out Niles has a thing for her.
19:08What?
19:09Yes.
19:10How?
19:11Well, she said she overheard him earlier saying how much he loves her.
19:15Oh, dear God, no wonder she's been so distracted.
19:19And what did you say? Did you confirm it?
19:21Well, yes, I said I knew about it.
19:23Oh, dear.
19:24Come on, what else was I going to say?
19:26But then I told her it was none of my business, and I took off out of there.
19:31Wait a minute.
19:34How did she even see Niles today?
19:37I don't know, but she said she overheard him saying he loves her
19:40and that he wanted to tell her while he still has a chance.
19:45Oh, no.
19:46What?
19:49I said that.
19:50Oh, not you, now.
19:52Oh, no, Dad.
19:53Not that.
19:55I was just doing a little exercise to try to help my back,
19:58and I was talking out loud about how much I was going to miss Daphne.
20:02She must have overheard me and misunderstood.
20:05Who are you talking to?
20:12If you must know, I was talking to Eddie.
20:18That helps, doesn't it?
20:19Oh, stop it.
20:24Thanks to you, now Daphne thinks I'm in love with her.
20:26And here I am asking her for a massage.
20:28How is she expected to interpret that?
20:33Hard to say.
20:37Oh, boy.
20:38Just take a deep breath and try to relax.
20:41Daphne.
20:42Let's both do that, shall we?
20:45Daphne, Dad told me that you overheard me.
20:49He did?
20:50Yes.
20:51Well, I certainly picked the wrong person to confide in.
20:54No, no, no.
20:55I'm glad he told me because the truth is you misunderstood.
21:00You see, when I said how much I cared about you,
21:04I didn't mean it in a romantic sense.
21:08Then you don't love me?
21:10Oh, no, of course I love you, Daphne.
21:13As a friend, that's all.
21:15Oh, thank God.
21:18Oh, what a relief.
21:20I mean, I was flattered, but...
21:22Yes, yes.
21:23That's fine, Daphne.
21:24That's fine.
21:25Off you go.
21:26Yes.
21:27Go ahead.
21:28Oh.
21:30Oh, my, my head.
21:32It must be those pills.
21:34Come on, let me give you that massage while you can still feel it.
21:37All right.
21:39Come on, then.
21:40Oh.
21:41Oh.
21:42Oh.
21:43Oh.
21:44Oh.
21:45Oh, dear.
21:46Oh.
21:47Oh.
21:50You know, Daph, we really are going to miss you around here.
21:54Oh, it's going to be hard for me, too.
21:58Something I haven't even wanted to think about, leaving.
22:02I know I grumble a bit, but I do love you and your father.
22:10I'll still come around, though.
22:12We'll all see each other.
22:15You know what?
22:17What's that, Dr. Crane?
22:19Dad's chair.
22:22I'm not taking it with me, if that's where you're heading.
22:27It's so comfortable.
22:31You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you?
22:36You know what's curious, though?
22:39Cats.
22:44Yes.
22:49But I'm talking about our little mix-up.
22:53When I said to your father, Dr. Crane's in love with me,
22:58he said it's been going on for six years now.
23:02What did he mean by that?
23:04Well, Daph, he meant Niles.
23:12What?
23:13Niles.
23:16He's crazy about you.
23:22Dr. Crane?
23:26Dr. Crane.
23:36Come on, Roof Day Boy.
23:38Wakey, wakey, time for cakey.
23:43Dear God.
23:45Has a year passed already?
23:51Please, the elastic's pinching behind my ears.
23:53Oh, come on, it's just for a couple of hours.
23:55But it's pulling my hair.
23:57You don't hear Eddie complaining, do you?
23:59I've rubbed my head.
24:03You know, I'm this close to breaking that thing into a million pieces.
24:08Well, isn't this festive?
24:11Oh, Daphne, by the way, thank you for the massage.
24:13I think it did just the trick.
24:15Anytime, Dr. Crane.
24:17Listen, just before I drifted off,
24:20I'm afraid I might have said something I wish I hadn't.
24:25Yes?
24:27It's about Dad's chair.
24:32And it may be comfortable, but I still want to get it out of here.
24:36Oh, that.
24:37Right.
24:38Why?
24:39I didn't say anything else I shouldn't have said, did I?
24:44Well, um...
24:47No.
24:48Oh.
24:49No.
24:50And don't worry, Mum's the word.
24:55I'll get it.
24:58You straighten things out with Daphne?
25:00Yes, I did.
25:01Boy, that was a close one.
25:02I almost blew my own secret.
25:04In the future, will you try to be more discreet?
25:06I can't pull your chestnuts out of the fire every time.
25:10Good evening, Daphne.
25:12Dr. Crane.
25:16You look different somehow.
25:19Have you done something new with your hair?
25:23Oh.
25:24Oh.
25:25That must be it.
25:27Well, hello.
25:28Niall.
25:29Feeling better?
25:30I'm feeling much better, thank you.
25:32That's for you, and that's for me.
25:34That must be a present for me.
25:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
25:42Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:46Mercy.
25:48And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:51Well, maybe.
25:52But I got you picked.
25:54Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:57But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:04They're calling again.
26:07Thank you!