Frasier Season 5 Episode 9 Perspectives On C Hristmas
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00:00Oh, easy.
00:05Sorry, your neck is tight.
00:07Yeah, well, it's been a tense couple of days.
00:10All days will do that to you.
00:12Yeah, well, this has been the worst Christmas ever.
00:16It all started yesterday.
00:20You know, the only part about Christmas I don't like,
00:24how quickly it's all over.
00:27Yes, come December 26th, it's all just a memory.
00:34There's nothing but your light decorating touch to remind us.
00:41Afternoon, all.
00:42Oh, Daphne.
00:43Hi, Daphne.
00:44Oh, that's awfully dangerous, Daphne,
00:47standing there under that mistletoe.
00:49That's enough eggnog now.
00:52You know, the oddest thing just happened.
00:55Young Eddie passed that church over on Chestnut,
00:58and he turned to go inside like he assumed that's where we were going.
01:02That's strange.
01:03He did exactly the same thing with me yesterday when I was walking him.
01:06Any idea why he'd do that, Mr. Crane?
01:09Look, that dog's always doing weird things.
01:12Yesterday we were taking our bath together,
01:15and he spent 15 straight minutes pushing the soap around with his nose like an otter.
01:22Weird.
01:24Yes.
01:26If he gets any weirder, we'll have to send Eddie to a home.
01:31Well, I'm off.
01:32I've got all my Christmas shopping to do yet.
01:34All of it?
01:35Yes, well, I'm determined not to settle this year.
01:38I want my gifts to be remembered and cherished long after the holidays.
01:42Well, you know, nothing is cherished quite so much as the gift of laughter.
01:47If you want that Highway Patrol bloopers tape, you're going to have to buy it yourself.
01:53Oh, Dad, you're not going to drink that that way, are you?
01:56Why?
01:57My goodness, the first mistake in eggnog preparation
02:00is failing to garnish it properly with a dash of nutmeg.
02:05There we are.
02:08Oh!
02:13Of course, the second mistake is placing the paprika next to the nutmeg on the spice shelf.
02:20Mr. Crane, are you all right?
02:23Oh, yes, we're fine, Daphne.
02:26You all right, Dad?
02:27Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
02:28Listen, Frasier, before you go, can I talk to you for a minute?
02:31Oh, sure, what is it?
02:32Well, you know what Daphne was talking about?
02:35There is a reason Eddie knows that church.
02:38I've been taking him there.
02:40Yes, I guess the family that bathes together prays together.
02:44Well, no, but there's this priest, Father Curtis.
02:47He got to know Eddie in the park, and he asked if they could use him for the Christmas pageant.
02:51And I said, sure.
02:52Well, the next thing I know, he's roped me in to play a shepherd.
02:56Well, then Dutch Gansvoort comes down with bronchitis, and I get promoted to a wise man.
03:01Dad, is there a point to this story looming somewhere on the horizon?
03:08As a wise man, I have to sing a song.
03:10I said, well, that was fine, but this song's a killer.
03:13I'm going to humiliate myself.
03:15Oh, well, maybe you just need a little rehearsal.
03:17Why don't we work on it tonight?
03:18Really? You think that'd help?
03:19Sure. You're a good singer, just a little rusty.
03:21Yeah.
03:22Start around eight.
03:23Okay.
03:24You know, I am a good singer.
03:25Remember those old family picnics when I used to belt out What's New, Pussycat?
03:32We'll start around seven, then.
03:35I'll hold the elevator.
03:41Hey, boys, this is that song I was telling you about.
03:45Oh, Holy Night. You know it?
03:47Well, of course, Dad. It's a classic.
03:50My God, it all builds to that one glorious note.
03:54All night, divine.
04:01Yes, yes, yes. That's a note I can't hit.
04:05I practice it in my room, and Eddie ends up burying his head under the pillow.
04:10Don't worry, Dad. We'll get you there.
04:12All right, can we just get this done?
04:14I want to get it all finished before Daphne gets back.
04:17I don't want her to know anything about this,
04:19So she'll insist on coming down to the pageant, and I'm nervous enough as it is.
04:23Fine. Let's just see what we have to work on.
04:25Fine.
04:26Why don't you start here, Oh Night.
04:29Okay.
04:30And I want to hear you really attack the note.
04:32Okay.
04:35Oh night, when Christ was born.
04:41Oh night, divine.
04:56Sometimes the note sees the attack coming and retreats.
05:03Shut up!
05:04That's Bozo upstairs. He bangs on the floor every time I start to sing.
05:08Well, just ignore him, Dad. I tell you what.
05:10There is another vocal exercise I remember.
05:14It was very useful to me when I was singing Colonel Fairfax in Yeoman of the Guard.
05:20You see, the principle is to distract yourself with a physical exercise, thus freeing the voice.
05:27You hit one note, and you slide up the octave as you descend slowly into a crouched position. Observe.
05:34Oh!
05:40You see, it works.
05:42That's very interesting. I wonder if the reverse is true.
05:45No!
05:51Oh!
05:56Try it, Dad.
05:58Try it dad. No, I'm afraid with three of us doing it, it might look stupid.
06:04I'm starting to think your problem's all psychological. No, no, no, no. I think you've convinced
06:12yourself you can't hit this note. Yeah, I convinced the guy upstairs, too.
06:15No, but I think Niles may be right, dad. You just need some positive reinforcement. Let's
06:19try it again. And this time, try to eliminate any negative thoughts. All right, let's go
06:25with that. All right, Niles, fall on your knees this time. Fall on your knees.
06:30Fall on your knees. You've got it, dad.
06:35Oh, hear the angel voices. Oh, night divine. Oh, night when Christ was born. A star is
06:53Oh, night divine. Oh, night divine. Oh, night divine. Oh, night divine. Oh, night divine.
07:06Oh, shut up.
07:12These shoulders are awfully tight.
07:14It's been a stressful few days.
07:18I'd be happy to listen.
07:20Oh, no.
07:23Well, it started yesterday.
07:27I had something on my mind.
07:30Lucky for me, Dr. Crane's brother was over.
07:34He's always been such a good friend to me.
07:39Afternoon, all. Hello, Daphne.
07:42That's awfully dangerous, Daphne, standing under that mistletoe.
07:46A piece could fall into your eye.
07:49Let me freshen your drink, Niles.
07:52Thank you, Dr. Crane.
07:54The oddest thing just happened.
07:56I was walking Eddie past that church over on Chestnut,
07:59and he turned to go inside like he assumed that's where we were going.
08:03That's strange.
08:05He did exactly the same thing yesterday when I was walking him.
08:09Any idea why he'd do that, Mr. Crane?
08:12Nope. Dogs are weird.
08:22You know, that worries me a bit.
08:24What does?
08:25Well, I think your father's been going to that church.
08:29I had an uncle who did the same thing.
08:31He had no interest in church his whole life.
08:33Then he started going every day.
08:35Turns out he had some bad health news from his doctor.
08:38He didn't even last a year.
08:41Well, first of all, I can see you're upset, so come here.
08:48Thank you, Dr. Crane.
08:51You're always so supportive.
08:53And second of all, I think you're worrying over nothing.
08:56I've never known my father to have so much as a hangnail
08:59without letting everyone know about it.
09:01That's true.
09:03Maybe I've just got myself worked up remembering my Uncle John.
09:06Look at you. Just saying his name gets you upset. Come here.
09:09Well, I'm fine.
09:10No, no, you need a hug.
09:11All right.
09:12Mr. Crane, are you all right?
09:16Oh, we're fine, Daphne.
09:22See? Nothing to worry about.
09:24Well, I've got to run.
09:26Oh, hold the elevator, Niles.
09:28We'll see you soon, Daphne.
09:30Bye.
09:31Oh, and, uh, Dad.
09:33Listen, don't worry.
09:35We'll...
09:37We'll...
09:39We'll...
09:42Niles and I will be there for you.
09:49What's that about?
09:51Oh, never mind.
09:53Well, I've got to go lie down.
09:56Mr. Crane,
09:58did you ever call Dr. Stewart for the results of your physical?
10:02Oh, sure, yeah. A couple of days ago.
10:05Um...
10:06Fine.
10:07Bye, Maddy.
10:12Is everything all right?
10:15Oh, yeah.
10:18It's just all over so fast.
10:27Well, that was enough to convince me I was right.
10:30And the next 24 hours were a living hell.
10:34The worst came the next day.
10:36Well, you know, I'm terrified about this, Father.
10:41All this came around so sudden.
10:43I'm not prepared.
10:47Now, tell me again what I'm supposed to say when I see Jesus the first time?
10:57Okay. All right. Well, thank you.
10:59Yeah, I'll see you soon.
11:01Bye.
11:04Oh, hi, Daphne.
11:06Hello.
11:07I'm just so excited about the gift I just got for you, Mr. Crane.
11:11Oh, great.
11:13Why don't you open it now?
11:15Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really have much time.
11:19I'm kind of on my way out.
11:21Oh, wait, wait. Okay. All right.
11:24Wait. I'll open it now.
11:26Sure, sure. Don't want to get you upset.
11:28You must be really excited about this.
11:32Oh, wow. It's that sweater.
11:37The one I pointed out to you in the window.
11:39That's great.
11:40Boy, I could die a happy man now.
11:44Daphne, what's the matter?
11:46Are you all right?
11:49Oh, Mr. Crane.
11:51I know why you've been going down to that church.
11:54You do? Well, you're not supposed to know about that.
11:57But why is it making you so upset?
11:59Because I care about you.
12:03You were actually going to let this whole thing happen without ever telling us all?
12:07Well, yes.
12:09I don't want people staring at me in that church, stiff as a board, all that makeup on my face.
12:20So, how much time have you got?
12:24About 20 minutes.
12:2920 minutes?
12:31Now, boy, will I be glad when it's over.
12:33This is the last Christmas pageant I'm ever signing up for.
12:37You're in a Christmas pageant?
12:39Well, yeah. What did you think I was talking about?
12:41I thought you were dying.
12:43What?
12:45You just got your test results back. You're down at the church all the time.
12:50Why are you laughing?
12:52It's funny.
12:53I don't think it's so bloody funny.
12:55Are you kidding? I'm dying.
12:58You will be.
13:01Don't you tell me what to do.
13:04What kind of a house were you brought up in?
13:06I don't know. I have to keep secrets from me.
13:09You know, this isn't the north of England.
13:11I'm not throwing furniture at you.
13:13This is decent stuff.
13:15I'm not trying to trash you or anything.
13:18You can talk about it if you like.
13:22Oh, I'm not ready just yet.
13:31Oh, I can't tell you how good that feels.
13:37I don't think I've ever had a massage like this before.
13:41Well, I'm glad.
13:43As long as you're so relaxed.
13:45Maybe I should just give you your Christmas present right now.
13:50Ow.
13:52You woke me up.
13:54Sorry. I guess this ankle's a bit tender.
13:59You know, yours would be too if you'd had the day I had.
14:04I'd gone out to do some shopping.
14:07Then I arrived at Frazer's building.
14:10Excuse me.
14:12Sorry, I don't mean to crowd you.
14:14I'm just trying to help.
14:16Excuse me.
14:18Sorry, I don't mean to crowd you.
14:20This is a brand new hand-tailored Italian suit.
14:22You know how difficult it is to get sap out of silk.
14:26Another reason we didn't need this tree.
14:28Oh, I know that.
14:30This thing's a fire hazard.
14:34You know, they make a chemical now that you can use to fireproof a tree.
14:38It causes cancer.
14:42Happy holidays, then.
14:46What just happened?
14:48I think the elevator stopped.
14:50Not to worry. I'm sure we'll get it going in a moment.
14:53We've probably got about 20 minutes of oxygen.
14:58Sir, you're just going to alarm everyone.
15:00I work in an ER.
15:02Ah, well, perhaps you can instruct these people on the best way to stay cool in a crisis.
15:07I was on duty that night. The elevator cable snapped at the Bing building.
15:11I brought those people in on cookie sheets.
15:16Uh, hello?
15:18Is anyone there?
15:20Yeah, who is it?
15:22There's a group of us stuck in one of your elevators.
15:25The doors won't open and we can't seem to move off the eighth floor.
15:29All right, where are you calling from, sir?
15:31The Elliott Bay Towers.
15:33Well, both my crews are out.
15:35Could be a good hour and a half before I can get anybody there.
15:38I can't wait that long.
15:40My children are alone upstairs in the apartment.
15:44Haven't got a gas oven up there, have you?
15:49Well, there is another way.
15:51If somebody felt like climbing through the trap door on top of your car,
15:54there's a manual release switch up there that would open up your doors.
15:59Well, that's what we've got to do then.
16:02Somebody's got to go up there.
16:04That's a pretty small opening.
16:07Well, obviously I have more confidence in your wife than you do.
16:10Step this way, ma'am. I'll give you a leg up.
16:14It has to be you.
16:16Well, I...
16:18How do you expect me to get up there?
16:20You can climb up the tree.
16:22Oh, come on.
16:23Well, now surely you've climbed plenty of trees when you were a boy.
16:26Nostalgia brings, brother.
16:28Oh.
16:35Fine.
16:38I suppose in times of crisis, someone must step forward and be a hero.
16:43Today, that man is Niles Crane.
16:46Tomorrow, it will be my dry cleaner, Mr. Lee.
16:55All right, come on now.
16:57Grab his feet and we'll push him through.
16:59Oh, wait. No, no, no.
17:03Well, not to worry. I landed in a nice, soft bottle of grease.
17:09I just have to find the release switch.
17:11Come with me.
17:16Did that do anything?
17:21People?
17:23Lady with my coat?
17:29Where do you all go?
17:36Oh, my God! We're going up!
17:38Someone stop this thing!
17:41Oh.
17:53Why is that man crawling?
17:55That's Dr. Crane's brother.
17:57Oh.
17:59I was slightly shaken by what I had done,
18:02but I'd completely composed myself as I arrived at Frasier's.
18:07But it was some time later before I was able to tell him what had happened.
18:12Of course, I have no idea what you used to get elevator grease out of silk.
18:16Well, brown suede seems to be leaching it out nicely.
18:24Anyway, no Christmas is complete without a bit of Chumalt.
18:28But now we can all relax and enjoy a lovely holiday evening together.
18:33Merry Christmas!
18:37You sure you want to hear about this?
18:39Why not?
18:41Okay.
18:43Well, I've been feeling a little depressed lately
18:45because I've been putting on all this weight.
18:47I'm pregnant.
18:49Hey, guys.
18:51Hey, Ross.
18:53That's my suit.
18:55Thank you. It's brand new.
18:57And so since you'll probably be ordering food,
19:00I think I will just go rather than risk getting it stained.
19:06What is that supposed to be?
19:08Some kind of crack about how much I eat?
19:10Absolutely not.
19:12It's a crack about your table manners.
19:16Well, I should go, too.
19:18I've just got a couple of hours before the pageant
19:20and I need the time to rehearse.
19:22Oh, not to worry, Dad.
19:23Come tomorrow, it'll all be a memory.
19:25Yeah, but even after it's all over,
19:27I still have to make peace with the man upstairs.
19:30So, Fraser, are you sure
19:32we have to do this charity thing this afternoon?
19:34Oh, come on, Ross.
19:36It's just an hour out of your life.
19:38Besides, I think you're going to make an adorable Mrs. Claus.
19:41Why? Because now I look so much like her
19:43because I've gotten so fat?
19:50Hello?
19:52What?
19:54Yes, Mrs. Doyle.
19:56Yes, she is.
19:59Just a moment.
20:01It's your mom. They forwarded her from the office.
20:03Hello, Mom?
20:05Yes, I got your message.
20:07Yep.
20:09I'm picking you up at the airport.
20:1110 a.m.
20:13All right, I'm looking forward to seeing you, too. Bye.
20:15Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me say Merry Christmas.
20:17Hang on, Mom.
20:19Mrs. Doyle? Yes, Fraser again.
20:21Hi, happy holidays.
20:23Listen, just a word to the wise.
20:25Ross has put on quite a few
20:28pounds of weight.
20:30She's really sensitive about it.
20:32So, you know, I would just say be careful
20:34what you say to her, all right?
20:36Bye-bye. Yes, we'll see you soon.
20:38Bye.
20:40You know, Fraser, I think I'm going to meet you over there.
20:42I still have a couple of gifts to get.
20:44Oh, God.
20:46I still have all of mine to get.
20:48You know, no matter how hard I try,
20:50I just can't seem to find anything
20:52that seems quite right this year.
20:54Oh, it's really sweet how you're trying so hard
20:56to get a gift special.
20:58I'm sorry I've been so cranky.
21:00I'm just nervous about my mom coming.
21:02I know.
21:04I'm sort of dreading the big conversation
21:06where I finally tell her I'm pregnant.
21:18You mean you haven't told her yet?
21:20No. Oh.
21:22It's just not the type of thing
21:25I'm used to.
21:29Well, I'll let you get that.
21:31I'll see you over there.
21:33Right.
21:35Hello?
21:37Yes, I had a feeling you might call back.
21:41Oh, Rob, there you are.
21:43I was beginning to worry about you.
21:45Well, you should have.
21:47I'm on the verge of a complete breakdown.
21:49Shopping was a disaster.
21:51When I went to slip into this darling little costume,
21:54I couldn't believe it.
21:56On top of all that,
21:58I can't stop thinking about my mom.
22:00How am I going to tell her?
22:02Well, Ross, if you'd like,
22:04I can tell her for you.
22:06Are you kidding?
22:08She's going to be mad enough
22:10that I waited three months to tell her.
22:12The only thing worse would be
22:14to hear it from someone else.
22:16Well, it's entirely possible
22:18she already knows.
22:20No way.
22:23What is wrong with you?
22:25I'm going to kill you.
22:27You're going to kill Santa?
22:29No, little girl.
22:31Mrs. Claus just wants to kiss me.
22:33Yeah, I'll kiss you.
22:35Come here, I'll kiss you good.
22:39Here, run along.
22:41Are you insane?
22:43Ross, you've told your mother everything.
22:45How was I supposed to know?
22:47Hi, Santa.
22:49I want a pony for Christmas.
22:51Can't we talk about this later?
22:53No, we can't.
22:55Hi, Santa.
22:57Oh, my God, what are you, 20?
22:59Get out of here.
23:01Ross, will you just try to stay calm?
23:03No, I will not stay calm
23:05because I am not calm.
23:07I am completely freaked.
23:09I am pregnant and you told my crazy mother
23:11and my Christmas is ruined
23:13and I'm too fat to even be Mrs. Santa
23:15and I hate this holiday.
23:21Mrs. Claus was up very late last night.
23:23Of course, I still had to stop by Fraser's.
23:25I had to give him his champagne glasses.
23:27Merry Christmas.
23:29Ross, don't go.
23:31Come on.
23:33Look, I'm sorry about what happened
23:35but it was a mistake.
23:37You can't stay mad at me.
23:39I still have to face my mother tomorrow.
23:41Well, we can talk about that.
23:43Come on in.
23:45Oh, my God.
23:47Oh, my God.
23:50Come on in.
23:52Please, come in.
23:54Oh, how would it look if I turned a pregnant lady
23:56way on Christmas Eve
23:58when there's so much room here at the inn?
24:00Giles, Daphne,
24:02Ross is here.
24:04Hi.
24:06Hi.
24:08Oh, come on, people.
24:10Let's liven things up a little.
24:12It's Christmas Eve.
24:14What are the craves known for
24:16if not the legendary holiday spirit?
24:19I hate singing and I hate Christmas
24:21and I'm going to bed.
24:25Dad, what happened?
24:27Well, I went into my song
24:29and everything was going fine
24:31and we come up to the high note
24:33and I actually think I'm going to hit it for once
24:35and I look over and I see Eddie.
24:37He's got his head buried in the Christ child's cradle.
24:42Well, I guess he mistook the Christ child
24:44for one of his cue toys
24:46because he grabs a hold of it in his teeth
24:48so the Virgin Mary grabs a hold
24:50of one of his legs.
24:52Well, you know how Eddie loves a good tug-of-war
24:54so they're going at it
24:56then Eddie goes running out of there
24:58with it still in his mouth
25:00and half the population of Bethlehem
25:02chasing after him.
25:04I never should have agreed to be in that pageant.
25:06You would have saved me a lot of grief.
25:08Oh, don't start this again.
25:10Don't you talk to her like that.
25:12Oh, come on, everybody.
25:14Let's not say something we're going to regret.
25:17I know, it's time to forget about this.
25:21All right, that is enough.
25:25This is the night we celebrate peace and togetherness.
25:29I will not have that ruined.
25:40I intend to put us all
25:42in the right frame of mind
25:45by giving you all
25:47my gift.
25:49As you know, I was determined
25:51to make my gift this year
25:53a little more meaningful
25:55and after a great deal of effort, I believe I have.
25:59My gift does not come from some fancy store
26:03all wrapped in glittery paper.
26:06My gift
26:08comes from my heart.
26:11Tonight I intend to sit each one of you down
26:13and tell you in my own words
26:15exactly how
26:17much you mean to me.
26:21That's it?
26:23That's the cheapest thing I've ever heard?
26:25Are you out of your mind?
26:27Or I could get someone over
26:29to give us all massages.
26:31Oh, great!
26:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues
26:42are calling tossed salads
26:44and scrambled eggs.
26:46Oh, my.
26:48And maybe I seem
26:50a bit confused.
26:52Well, maybe.
26:54But I got you pegged.
26:58But I don't know what to do
27:00with those tossed salads
27:02and scrambled eggs.
27:04They're calling again.
27:08Thank you!
27:11Thank you!