Frasier Season 6 Episode 10 Merry Christmas, Mrs Moskowitz
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00:00I thought your father was in charge of Christmas decorations.
00:03Oh, no, no, not this year.
00:05I'm doing it my way.
00:07That's why I'm ordering a tasteful tree here.
00:09They'll even deliver it on Christmas Eve fully decorated.
00:12Gee, that'll be fun for Freddie.
00:14Oh, no, Frederick won't be joining me this year.
00:16He's spending his vacation on an archaeological tour with Lilith.
00:19He's spending Christmas with dried-up old bones?
00:23I thought I told you.
00:25She's taking him on an archaeological tour.
00:28Oh, good Lord, look how late it's gotten.
00:31Well, don't blame me.
00:33You're the one who spent 20 minutes looking for that candle-holder thing.
00:37Well, no, no, it's a menorah, Roz.
00:39Thought I'd get one for Frederick for Hanukkah.
00:42Oh, that's right. I completely forgot Frederick is half-Jewish.
00:46Yes. Between the Crane Boy jeans and Lilith's contribution,
00:49I'm not sure the NFL is holding its breath.
00:52Oh, I need to go over the notions and try to find something for Calvin.
00:56The security guard.
00:57What are you getting him?
00:58If I knew, I wouldn't be going to notions.
01:02Excuse me. I'd like to get a gift for that woman I was with.
01:06How about this sweater right here?
01:08Excellent choice.
01:09I'm not sure of the size, though. Could you find me this in a medium?
01:14It's a madhouse in there.
01:16Roz.
01:17People pushing and shoving for nose hair clippers.
01:20Is there a nasal hair epidemic I don't know about?
01:23Here's your sweater.
01:24Here's your sweater.
01:27Is he talking to you?
01:28No. No, no. He's talking to...
01:30He's talking to me. It's for my niece.
01:33But I'm a bit worried about the size.
01:37You know, she's just about your height.
01:39Do you mind my asking? Would this fit you?
01:42That's a little big for me.
01:44What about the color? A little blah?
01:47Personally, I like the blue.
01:49I agree. Thank you so much.
01:52I will take a smaller size in the blue.
01:55And please gift wrap it.
01:57Coming right up.
01:58Roz, it looks like our notions has thinned out.
02:01Oh, good.
02:02So you think Calvin will like the nose hair clippers?
02:04I think we can be sure he doesn't own a pair.
02:09Gosh, thank you so much for bailing me out that way.
02:12My pleasure. Helen.
02:14Helen Frazier.
02:16Not Frazier Crane.
02:18From the radio show?
02:20Yes.
02:21Oh, I listen to you every time I come to Seattle
02:24to visit my daughter, Faye.
02:26That's a great guy.
02:27You know, you really should know your wife's size.
02:30Oh, she's not my wife.
02:32I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.
02:35So am I.
02:36Girlfriend?
02:37No.
02:38I don't have a girlfriend, actually. I'm unattached.
02:41Oh, well.
02:43I've taken enough of your time.
02:46Although, there is one small thing you could help me with.
02:50Are you looking for something for my daughter?
02:52Oh, what is it?
02:53Nah. No, I really shouldn't ask.
02:56No, no, no. Please.
02:57No! No, it's too much of an imposition.
03:00No, no. After the way you came to my rescue,
03:02I would be delighted to help you in any way I can.
03:04What is it you're looking to get for your daughter?
03:06A date with a nice, unattached doctor.
03:12Well, I certainly walked into that one, didn't I?
03:16It wasn't my first time.
03:21All right. Now, as soon as this woman gets here,
03:25you give me five minutes and then call me on my cell phone.
03:28If I am miserable, I will simply say it's an emergency and excuse myself.
03:32Ah, yes. The ever-valuable escape call.
03:35Oh, you've done them.
03:36Oh, no. But I've seen them done them.
03:44Excuse me. Are you Frazier?
03:47Faye?
03:49Yes, uh, well, hello.
03:52How did you know it was me?
03:54You had that horror-stricken look of someone who's met my mother.
03:57Oh, no.
03:59Please, please. Shall we?
04:01Oh, no. That's very sweet of you, but you don't have to go through with this.
04:03I really just came to apologize.
04:05Oh, please. Please. Why don't you sit down?
04:08Hey, Dr. Crane. Are you here with your brother?
04:11Uh, no. Actually, he's on a blind date.
04:14Oh.
04:16Oh, he is, isn't he?
04:18Oh, look at him.
04:20I think he really fancies her.
04:23You know, it's always so obvious when a man likes a woman.
04:28You can just tell by his awkward body language.
04:32Shifting in his chair.
04:35He doesn't know quite what to do with his hands.
04:39He's as nervous as a hen.
04:42Oh, for God's sake, stop fidgeting.
04:46So your mother tells me that you're a lawyer.
04:49Well, that's typical.
04:51I was a lawyer, and I quit two years ago, and I'm a pastry chef.
04:55Really?
04:57Yes. I work in a little French restaurant in town.
04:59Maybe you've heard of it. Le Cigar Volant.
05:01Oh, my God. It's one of my favorites.
05:03I had dinner there last Friday night.
05:05Well, I worked there last Friday night. What did you have?
05:07The Grand Marnier Soufflé.
05:08I made that.
05:09Well, it was poetry on a plate.
05:12You didn't happen to find my earring in it, did you?
05:18I'm kidding.
05:19Oh, come on.
05:21You know, certainly I'm glad that your mother is as pushy as she is.
05:26It's funny, though. You're nothing like her.
05:29That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
05:33Dr. Crane, can I ask a favor?
05:36What are you doing for the next ten nights?
05:38Because my...
05:39Yes.
05:43Excuse me. Finish the question.
05:45Well, my neighborhood theater group is putting on a holiday review.
05:49In fact, we're performing in the common room of Dr. Crane's building.
05:53Right downstairs?
05:54Yeah.
05:55But we're still looking for a musical director.
05:59I would never ask you, but they put me in charge of the whole thing.
06:03Oh, count me in.
06:05Is the show more religious in tone or secular?
06:08Well, we couldn't quite agree, so we ended up with a mixed bag.
06:13We open with the note room at the end scene,
06:16then it's a rousing version of Jingle Bell Rock,
06:19a brief medley from Jesus Christ Superstar,
06:22and the first act ends with Santa's elves and the Three Wise Men
06:26all linking arms and singing Frosty the Snowman.
06:31Well, excuse me, I have to make a phone call.
06:35Of course, I love Boston, but, well, there's no place like home.
06:42Excuse me.
06:46Yes, hello?
06:49Yes, you know what? I'll just have to sign those papers later.
06:57Office work.
06:58That was an escape call, wasn't it?
07:02No, what are you talking about?
07:05Come on, it's a blind date. You wanted a way to back out.
07:08Oh, God, you are sharp, aren't you? How did you know?
07:20Well, that would be just lovely.
07:23All right, I'll see you soon.
07:26Well, isn't that nice?
07:28Isn't that nice?
07:29Faye's dropping by.
07:31Oh, you've been seeing a lot of her lately, haven't you?
07:34Yes, I have. You know, she really is quite wonderful.
07:37I thought she was off to Florida with her mother.
07:39Yes, she is. They're both popping by on their way to the airport.
07:42I guess someone wanted to rack up a few more frequent Frasier miles.
07:53You don't ever actually say those things to the woman, do you?
07:56Oh, no, no.
08:01Oh, good, Dr. Crane, you're here.
08:03Yes, the show starts in half an hour.
08:05Yeah, could you give me a hand?
08:06I still have to sew the chains to Jacob Marley's tux for the dance number.
08:10Oh, happy to.
08:11Jacob Marley? They're doing a Christmas carol, too?
08:15No, they're not. They worked him into the nativity scene.
08:22Hey, Franks, where's a good spot for Rudolph this year?
08:26Dad, please, I thought we had an agreement about the decorations.
08:31I know, but what's Christmas without Rudolph?
08:34But he's not even one of the original reindeer.
08:36Well, do the others have a song?
08:38Look, I'm not having this discussion again because you know I'm right.
08:41Well, forget it. I wouldn't want to ruin your design of Christmas.
08:50Oh, Faye.
08:51Hi.
08:52Hi.
08:54Good to see you. Here, let me take your coat.
08:57Where's Helen?
08:58She's talking to your doorman.
09:00She's trying to fix him up with my cousin Janet, and I couldn't bear to watch.
09:06Just leaves out a jar for her.
09:08Oh, my gosh.
09:10What?
09:11You have a wreath.
09:13Yes, so?
09:14Aren't you Jewish?
09:16No.
09:18No, why do you ask?
09:19The day we met, my mother saw you shopping for a menorah.
09:23Yes, for my son. My ex-wife is Jewish.
09:27Oh, God.
09:29Is there a problem?
09:31For me, no, but my mother is another story, and here I was wondering what we'd talk about on the seven-hour flight to Miami.
09:39You know what? I can just take this down.
09:41No, no, no, no. I have to stop being a child about these things. If she's upset, she's upset.
09:46How many stopovers do you have?
09:48Two.
09:49I'll take it down.
09:52I, uh, I really appreciate you doing this.
09:55Oh, it's no problem.
09:56I can't believe I'm actually asking you to pretend to be Jewish on Christmas Eve.
10:00It's all right, really. It probably won't even come up.
10:04Hello?
10:05Oh, there she is.
10:06Hello, Frank.
10:07Helen, hi.
10:09Oh, oh, oh, what a beautiful apartment you have.
10:14Thank you very much.
10:16Get out!
10:20What?
10:21Of that coat already.
10:32So, Frasier, you grew up in Seattle?
10:35Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
10:37It's such a pretty city, huh?
10:39Oh, yes.
10:40I guess you were Bar Mitzvahed here.
10:42Oh, yes, yes, of course.
10:47What a proud day that was.
10:51I can still remember reading from the Torah.
10:56Before the... the rabbi and, uh...
11:02Cantor and, uh, the mohel.
11:05The mohel?
11:09The one who did your circumcision?
11:12Yes, yes, I just wanted to show him that there were no hard feelings.
11:22Niles!
11:23Hello, all. Uh, you must be Fay.
11:26And I'm her mother, Helen Moskowitz.
11:29And I'm Frasier's brother, Niles.
11:31Oh, what happened to the...
11:33To the Moskowitz family that lived down the hall? They moved.
11:35You know, Niles, why don't you come and help me in the kitchen?
11:38I'm just about to pour everybody a drink.
11:42What's going on?
11:44Fay's mother thinks that we're Jewish. Just play along.
11:46Okay.
11:50Why?
11:51Well, it's important to Fay.
11:54Fay is important to me.
11:56You think you can pull it off?
11:57No problem.
11:58Ooh, ham.
11:59Niles.
12:02Please.
12:04I've got to find a time to tell Dad about this, too.
12:07You mean Papa.
12:08Stop it.
12:12Wait. Frasier, come up.
12:13Is that for Helen?
12:14Yes.
12:15What if she's expecting Jewish wine?
12:17Gosh, I'm afraid I don't have any of that on hand.
12:19Sorry, it's easy enough.
12:21It's just like regular wine, unless a little of this.
12:30Try that.
12:33It's dreadful!
12:34Perfect.
12:38Here we are.
12:43Who has a nice toast? Niles?
12:48Oh, all right.
12:50L'chaim.
12:55Mazel tov.
12:58Next year in Jerusalem.
13:02Take a down a notch, Tevye.
13:05Hey, Fay, you know, since it's the night before...
13:08Dad!
13:10Oh, great.
13:11Would it be a crime for somebody to tell me we had guests here?
13:14Hi, I'm Marty Crane. I'm Frasier's dad.
13:17Although you'd never guess it from the way I'm treated like a second-class citizen around here.
13:22But as long as Frasier's happy, why should my feelings matter?
13:28Uh, Niles, why don't you see if you can go help Dad in the kitchen?
13:31Well, all right, but he'll probably just kvetch at me, and frankly, I don't need the tourists.
13:35That's...
13:39Oh, God.
13:44I don't know how to be Jewish.
13:46Just answer questions with a question.
13:48Like what?
13:49What, I have to explain everything?
13:51Can't you give me an example?
13:52What, I should give you an example?
13:54You gonna help me or not?
13:55You're saying I'm not being helpful?
13:57Oh, forget it!
14:01So, Marty, both your sons are doctors.
14:05How'd you work that out?
14:07I've no idea.
14:10Do I?
14:16Well, I just got the phone call. Every producer dreads.
14:21What is it?
14:22Someone's dropping out of the show.
14:26You don't suppose you could take over one of the roles?
14:29Well, I don't see why not. I know all the songs.
14:32Wonderful.
14:33It was nice meeting you both.
14:35Likewise. We're leaving, too. Could you send the elevator back up? We'll be right down.
14:39Happy to. So, who dropped out?
14:41Mr. Blanchett.
14:42Aye.
14:45Well, you know, it's been great spending some time with the two of you. I wish you could stay longer.
14:50Well, actually, we can. I just called the airline. The plane is delayed an hour.
14:56Oh, isn't that good news?
14:58You know, I hate to be forward, but I'd love to taste whatever smells so wonderful in that kitchen.
15:06And I would love to give you a taste, except it isn't done yet.
15:13Well, more good news.
15:20I don't know how much longer we can continue this charade.
15:24My God, when Dad started to talk about working on his own car, I thought we were goners.
15:30Well, we only have to keep it up for another half an hour. Actually, I think I have an idea.
15:36Go out there.
15:37Okay.
15:39Well, I don't know what it is with that brisket. It just won't cook through.
15:43I could take a look.
15:44No, no, we don't have the time. I just got off the phone with the airlines.
15:48They've pushed the flights back up, so we really have to get going.
15:51Oh, really? All right.
15:53Gosh, you know, I wish you could stay longer. It's just I'd hate to have you be late for your flight.
16:00Hello, sir.
16:01On the other hand, you can't leave until you've seen the apartment.
16:07What?
16:08Let's start in the bedroom. There's plenty of time.
16:11Oh, Dad, could you see who that is and make sure they come back later?
16:15Whatever you want, Frasier, as usual.
16:22Hello, sir, and let me wish you a merry...
16:25Shh, bring that thing back in about an hour.
16:27No way, sir. It's Christmas Eve, and I got a full truck downstairs.
16:31So where do you want it?
16:33Oh, geez, I don't know.
16:35You know, a lot of people put them in their living rooms.
16:39Oh, and here, here, put it in the bathroom.
16:41In the bathroom? Okay, I see you're crazy.
16:43Just put it in, all right?
16:45I see you're crazy.
16:46Just put it in, all right?
17:06All right, come on, quick.
17:07Okay, we'll have a, you know...
17:11Shut up, get out.
17:15That's a beautiful bedroom, Frasier.
17:17Oh, thank you, thank you very much.
17:19I noticed you were sort of quiet, see?
17:22Almost as though you've been in there before.
17:25Oh, yeah, I have, Ma, but I was drunk and it was dark.
17:30I don't remember so much.
17:33You see how she talks to her mother?
17:37Jesus!
17:40I'll tell you what.
17:42I just realized that you haven't seen the beautiful balcony.
17:45Dad, would you do the honors and I'll check on the brisket?
17:49What is going on?
17:51The man who was supposed to do the number from Jesus Christ Superstar, he couldn't go on.
17:54He slipped in the shower.
17:55A man who can walk on water, but no.
17:57Yes, yes, it's dripping with iron.
18:00Miles, what are you doing here?
18:03The minute I got within ten feet of the hay for the manger scene,
18:06the minute I got within ten feet of the hay for the manger scene,
18:09my allergies kicked in.
18:10I think I left my nasal spray here somewhere.
18:12I am terribly sorry to tell you this, but you've got to get the hell out of here.
18:15I don't think that kind of language is appropriate.
18:17Oh, just shut up.
18:23Would you believe it?
18:25It's still pink in the middle.
18:27By the time my brisket's done, my cougar will be dry as the cyanide.
18:37Certainly is beautiful, but now I think we're cutting it close.
18:42Yes, you know, you're quite right.
18:45We can continue the tour at another time.
18:48Let me walk you to the door.
18:50Thank you so much, Frasier, your wonderful host.
18:54Oh, well.
18:55You know, maybe I should go.
18:59I've got to go.
19:01Your wonderful host.
19:03Oh, well.
19:04You know, maybe I should go to the powder room before we go.
19:08Oh, here.
19:22What is going on?
19:24Helen, I am so terribly sorry.
19:28Oh, Jesus.
19:30I'll let you all sort this out.
19:32I really have to go.
19:34I understand this is your busy time.
19:43Ma, Frasier's not Jewish.
19:47I told him to pretend so you wouldn't freak out.
19:50What?
19:51You think I care?
19:53You can date anyone you want.
19:55Since when?
19:57I can't believe you're embarrassing me like this.
19:59You embarrass me on an hourly basis?
20:01I embarrass you.
20:03Are you hearing this?
20:04You know, maybe we should just give you a year of driving.
20:06No one leaves.
20:09You see, you are making them uncomfortable in their own home.
20:13You could have trusted me to understand.
20:15All I want is for you to be happy.
20:18As long as I'm happy in the life that you pick out for me.
20:21Excuse me for being a terrible mother.
20:25All I do is care.
20:27Oh, here it comes, the guilt.
20:29Just because I don't want you controlling my whole life.
20:32What do you want me to do about it?
20:34Cut myself out of it?
20:35You hate me?
20:36Sometimes I do hate you.
20:46I'm sorry, Ma.
20:48I shouldn't have said that.
20:50Why not?
20:52I am too involved.
20:55It's because you're all I have.
20:58But you can't keep running my life.
21:01Maybe we should just...
21:03Sit. We're nearly done.
21:11I have been smothering you.
21:14Maybe it's time I learned to let you go.
21:16I don't want to be let go.
21:18I don't want you in my life.
21:20Just stop running it.
21:21I do love you, Mom.
21:23Oh, baby.
21:25I love you too.
21:34Well, we should go.
21:35Right.
21:40Oh, oh, thank you for a lovely visit.
21:43Enjoy your holiday.
21:46I am so sorry about all this.
21:48That's all right.
21:50Call me when you get back.
21:56Good night.
22:00Boy, that was something.
22:02It certainly was.
22:04We had a couple of squabbles today, but nothing like that.
22:07No way.
22:11Maybe I should get that Christmas tree out of the bathroom.
22:15One minute they're talking about one little problem,
22:18and suddenly it's everything else.
22:21Then it gets all emotional and messy,
22:25and then they're hugging,
22:27and then it's all over.
22:29Well, I suppose that's the healthiest way to go about it.
22:32Yeah, yeah, I guess you can't keep that stuff bottled up.
22:36Oh, you sit on it, you just get madder and madder.
22:38Yeah, best thing is just lay it on the line.
22:40Exactly.
22:42Frazier,
22:45I want my Rudolph out for Christmas.
22:48What, this again?
22:50It's just not Christmas without it.
22:52Dad, we had an agreement about the Christmas decorations this year.
22:56No, but your Christmas stinks.
22:58I mean, do you call that a tree?
23:00You know, would it kill you to have a tasteful Christmas
23:03just once in your life?
23:05Every year we do Christmas your way.
23:07And you have things your way every damn day.
23:10You said there's nothing of mine around this place except for my chair,
23:13and you've taken pot shots of that right from the start
23:16because it doesn't fit in with your frou-frou knick-knacks.
23:19Oh, that's right, Dad.
23:20Go ahead, ridicule everything I do,
23:22the way I eat, the way I decorate.
23:24Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
23:26Don't you know how it makes me feel to live like a guest in my own home?
23:29Dad, I do everything I can to make you feel welcome in this house,
23:32but nothing I ever do is good enough.
23:34You've got a strange way of making me feel welcome
23:36taking Christmas away from me
23:38at one time of the year when I get to do things my way
23:41like it used to be in our home
23:43with your mother and when you were kids.
23:45You know, that's a nice memory for me.
23:47You'd think as a psychiatrist you'd figure that out.
23:50Oh, fine. Now I'm not even a good psychiatrist.
23:52I guess I'm just a big, fat letdown.
23:54And I'm just a burden to you, and I hate living here.
23:57And I hate you living here!
24:05Oh, my God.
24:06Oh, geez.
24:07Oh, God, I feel terrible.
24:09So do I.
24:10They were hugging by now.
24:15We never should have tried this.
24:17We're not Jewish.
24:18No.
24:22Maybe Mrs. Shapiro next door can talk us through it.
24:25She's out of town.
24:27Oh, no.
24:30I'm sorry. I never should have said what I said.
24:33Oh, Dad, now I should have been more sensitive.
24:36I am a psychiatrist.
24:38And you're a damn good one, too, and I'm very proud of you.
24:41Really?
24:42Yes.
24:43Oh, Dad, I didn't mean any of the things I said.
24:46I love having you here.
24:48I love being here. I always have.
24:51Honesty?
24:52No, but I thought I did Dennis to the hug.
24:56All right, let's try it.
25:04Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:08Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:12Oh, my
25:14And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:17Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
25:20Ha, ha, ha, ha
25:23But I don't know what to do
25:25With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:29Scrambled eggs
25:32They're calling again
25:35Happy holidays, everybody!