Frasier Season 4 Episode 11 Three Days Of The Condo
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00:00Well, I'm off to get our lunch. Any special requests?
00:05Oh, no, no. Anything you pick up will be fine.
00:08Okay, then. Back in a bit.
00:10She is such a doll. You are such a doll.
00:16I thought she'd never leave.
00:18I know. It's nice to have some time alone finally, isn't it?
00:23Come here, you little devil, you.
00:30Hey, you. Get your own.
00:32Now, come on. Now, get away. Come on.
00:35Come on with me. Come on, Eddie.
00:38Come on. There you go.
00:41Seat's already up for you. It's happy hour.
00:47Where were we?
00:48Come here, you little devil, you.
00:53Well, look who was just coming home with take-out from the dollmaker.
00:57Oh, isn't that lucky?
00:59Hey, boys. My.
01:01Don't you look handsome in your best bib and tucker.
01:05Come on and give Aunt Sherry a great big kiss.
01:10Or perhaps just a friendly wave from across the room.
01:14Giles, you are so shy.
01:16Thank God your big brother isn't.
01:18Come on, Frej, plant one on me.
01:27Has Eddie been licking you?
01:31Yes.
01:32Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:33I thought your perfume had a hint of snortage in it.
01:38So, you two been shopping?
01:41Well, antiquing, actually.
01:43I just found the most exquisite Japanese door knocker.
01:47Said to bring peace and tranquility to any home it adorns.
01:51Oh, I haven't seen any decent oriental knockers since Empress Chow's Shanghai Review.
02:02Isn't she great? She's as funny as she is classy.
02:07No argument there.
02:11Oh, by the way, if you want someone to install that for you,
02:14I can put you in touch with my ex-houseman, Ngee.
02:17Gee?
02:19No, Ngee.
02:20Gee?
02:21No, no, back of the throat, Ngee.
02:23Oh, what's the difference?
02:26Not so helpful that I cannot install a simple door knocker on my own.
02:38I might want to use the screwdriver.
02:41That's exactly what I was about to get.
02:47It's in the tool drawer.
02:54The drawer under that bed tea server thing.
02:57That is a Belarusian samovar.
03:00My God, how long have you lived here?
03:04Here we are.
03:05Lunch is ready.
03:06Oh, actually, hon, I just remembered.
03:08I've got an errand I've got to run before I get to work.
03:11Goodbye, Niles.
03:12Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you.
03:15I know it embarrasses you.
03:18Wait, come here.
03:20You've got some schmutz on your cheek.
03:25My mistake, it's a mole.
03:29You might want to have that checked.
03:31Oh, I think now I'll just play it safe and have it removed.
03:38Oh, Daphne, apparently this morning when you were dusting, you forgot this objet does not face front, but rather askew.
03:48I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane.
03:50I should never have tried to do it without that diagram you drew me.
03:56Oh, Frasier, now that I know you like antiques, I've got a little present at home for you.
04:02It's a lamp shaped like two frogs kissing, and when you turn it on, their hearts glow.
04:11When would you like me to bring it by?
04:13Preferably when I'm here.
04:18I'll bring it with me tomorrow.
04:20Bye-bye.
04:22Daphne, did you bring me the hammer?
04:25I just needed a screwdriver for your door knocker.
04:27Well, I do. I just want to be prepared when that froggy lamp gets here.
04:33Well, see you later, honey. I'll call you.
04:36Okay, bye.
04:37Oh, hi there, Mrs. Langer.
04:39Ms.
04:40Oh, right, Ms. Simple Cow.
04:50Niles, tonight's your opera night, isn't it?
04:52Yes, why?
04:54Well, I was just wondering, you know, I'd love to cook a nice romantic dinner for Sherry,
04:59but I can't do it at her place because I'm allergic to her cats, and there's just no privacy around here.
05:05Say no more, Dad. My bachelor pad is the perfect place to entertain a young lady.
05:11Just remember, always use coasters, no snacking in the carpeted areas,
05:16and close the art books after viewing so you don't crease the spine.
05:23I haven't seen Rules of the Playboy Mansion.
05:28Oh, there we are. That's that, huh? That's not so hard.
05:33You know, tomorrow morning I think I may just have to tackle that leaky sink in the potter room.
05:41Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a joke.
05:48The inaugural knock.
05:54Oh, what's this?
06:01Your unauthorized door knocker violates the condo by-laws regarding hallway decoration.
06:08Remove it immediately.
06:10Oh, that's one of Mrs. Langer's no-no slips.
06:14Oh, I can't stand that woman.
06:16Just because she's president of the condo board, she acts like this building's a kingdom.
06:21Everything has to be done exactly the way she likes it.
06:24Yes, well, Daphne, no one hates a bossy class budget more than I do,
06:28but Daphne, askew, askew, don't you see?
06:35But Rules are there for a reason.
06:38I was obviously at fault for not getting approval before I hung the knocker.
06:43I did notice a sign in the lobby about some condo board meeting tonight if you want to present your case.
06:48Oh, perfect. We live in a democratic system, and I will work within it.
06:53I'm sure I can persuade them with my charm and eloquence.
06:56I don't know. Those people can be very difficult.
06:59Oh, Pritchard, it's not as though I'll be addressing the Supreme Court. I'll simply be talking to the board.
07:05Well, there won't be by the time he gets through.
07:13After careful consideration of the bids from a number of gardeners,
07:19we have decided to go with Jordan Landscaping.
07:25Excuse me. Not too late, am I? I was hoping to make a statement.
07:30Me too. No, they'll be getting to new business from the floor shortly.
07:33Oh, good, good. I have a matter of some import to discuss.
07:38Oh. Well, then you should go before me.
07:40Oh, thank you. Why are you here?
07:43I'm going to ask them to make the ramp out front of the building less steep so I don't keep rolling into traffic.
07:50How about you?
07:52Oh, uh...
07:54Perhaps you should go first.
07:58Is that Frasier Crane talking while I'm talking?
08:04Well, yes, I'm sorry, Miss Langer.
08:07I was just inquiring as to whether I was too late to raise some new business.
08:11Well, we were just about to get to that. Why don't you go ahead?
08:16I'll be quick.
08:18Earlier today, I installed a new door knocker without your permission.
08:23Now, I'd like to say in my defense that my over-eagerness was not out of disrespect,
08:29but rather enthusiasm for an object which I'm sure you will agree is really quite beautiful.
08:34I understand the rule exists to prohibit people from putting eyesores in public places,
08:39but I ask you, should it apply to something as beautiful as this?
08:44Here, if you will, please.
08:46Something which serves only to elevate our spirit.
08:50Let's just say that someone passes by my door, sees the knocker,
08:54and suddenly feels just a little bit better without even knowing why.
08:59That same person passes a perfect stranger and smiles,
09:03who in turn reaches down, picks up perhaps a piece of trash,
09:08plants a garden, volunteers at a soup kitchen.
09:13Like little ripples on a still pond, happiness spreads.
09:19So, what I'm asking you to do is think of this not simply as an ornament,
09:25but rather an opportunity, dare I say it, knocking on the door of a new, more civilized world.
09:36Thank you.
09:39Allow a testimony.
09:41Of course.
09:44Request denied.
09:46You must remove the knocker within 24 hours, despite the consequences to world peace.
09:55No, I appreciate your...
09:57Are you still talking?
10:01Your request is denied. Sit down.
10:04But there has been no discussion. It hasn't even been opened up to the floor.
10:07I will entertain suggestions from the floor if anyone has any idea how to shut this man up.
10:14You know, I came down here expecting a fair hearing in the democratic tradition,
10:18but I see now that you are a tyrant, concerned more with the exercise of power than with justice.
10:24Well, fine, I will leave now, taking solace in the certain knowledge that in time,
10:29you, Miss Langer, will join all tyrants on the ash heap of history.
10:35I'm back.
10:44I'm not here.
10:47Pardon me.
10:50I'll just get those later.
11:05Thank you.
11:36Dr. Crane.
11:38Yes, who's there?
11:40A friend.
11:41Oh, keep your distance.
11:44But why can't I see you?
11:46That's not important right now.
11:48What's important is that you were not afraid to go up against Miss Langer last night.
11:56Without much success.
11:58More than you know.
12:00Most people in the building are afraid of her.
12:03There is a group of us who fight her, though, a small but determined band of resistors.
12:11You know the new doormat by the service elevator?
12:15We did that.
12:19It's very nice.
12:22We would like you to be our candidate and go up against her in the upcoming elections.
12:27Well, I'm very flattered, but you see, I have a great many demands.
12:30You are our only chance, Dr. Crane, and she must be defeated.
12:34She is evil.
12:37Nichols, in 1704, was two days late in his condophy and she lowered the water pressure in his shower.
12:45Eventually he died.
12:49From bad water pressure?
12:52No, I think it was a hunting accident.
12:56But he spent his last months on this earth unable to get all the conditioner out of his hair.
13:06Only you possess the charisma and courage to defeat her.
13:10Well, that may be, but...
13:12I am not asking you to decide right now.
13:17I just want you to say you'll think about it.
13:21All right.
13:23But why can't I see who you are?
13:25Because I'm remodeling my bathroom.
13:34If she found out I was talking to you, she would never approve my bidet.
13:41Just think of me as...
13:43Mr. X.
13:56That would work better without the vanity plates, Dr. Dorfman.
14:07Wait, wait.
14:08Oh, hello, Niles.
14:10Niles, the most extraordinary thing just happened to me down in the garage.
14:13Oh, excuse me.
14:14Is Dad home now?
14:15Yes, as far as I know.
14:17Oh, I was afraid of that.
14:18Why? Is something wrong?
14:20Oh, well, last night I invited Dad to use my apartment for a quiet romantic dinner with Sherry while I attended La Traviata.
14:28Well, the production was just dreadful.
14:31Oh, no.
14:32In A Forza Lui, Sperano couldn't hit the E-flat above high C to save her life.
14:37So I got so fed up, I stormed out, drove home, entered my apartment.
14:41And when I saw what Dad and Sherry were doing there, I hit the note myself.
14:48You mean they were...
14:49They were.
14:50Oh.
14:52What did you do?
14:54Pulled up a chaise lounge and took out my opera glasses.
14:56What do you think I did?
14:59I slammed the door and ran away.
15:01Never been so embarrassed.
15:03I don't think I can face him now.
15:05Oh, don't fret, Miles.
15:06You simply have to diffuse the entire subject.
15:09It's a simple adult conversation.
15:11You don't want to recreate what happened to Maris and me after the cabinets.
15:15I walked in on her taking a shower.
15:17Oh, God.
15:18Months of avoidance and awkwardness.
15:23Excuse me.
15:25You saw my Maris?
15:27Completely naked?
15:29Oh, don't fret, Miles.
15:30It was really nothing more than a fleeting glance through a very steamy bathroom.
15:34More like glimpsing a birch sapling through a thick fog.
15:41Life is so unfair.
15:43You get a vision of my Maris.
15:45I get a big eyeful of Dad.
15:50Well, I'd say we hit about the same level on the yikes meter.
15:56Oh, Ross, you're here.
15:58Is that your idea of an apology for making me work on a Saturday and then getting here late?
16:02I was detained.
16:05Ross, the most extraordinary thing happened.
16:08I was down in the parking garage.
16:10Suddenly I was blinded by a set of headlights.
16:13A mysterious man crept from the shadows and told me that I should run for condo boy president.
16:22You've been at your wine club, haven't you?
16:27No.
16:28This really happened.
16:29Surely you're not actually thinking of running.
16:32Never held an elected office in your life.
16:34You forgetting?
16:35I served two terms back in high school as Grand Pangendrum of the Vocabulary Club.
16:44Listen, Frazier, this job is a nightmare.
16:48Trust me, I know.
16:49Like if somebody wants a garbage disposal, they'll bug you day and night.
16:54They'll leave kitchen scraps in your mailbox until they get what they want.
16:59You've served on a condo board.
17:01No, but I have a brand new garbage disposal.
17:08Hello.
17:09Good afternoon.
17:10Let me help you with those.
17:12Thanks.
17:13I've had to lug these things five blocks.
17:16This morning, Mrs. Langer gave me one of those no-no slips for parking in the same vacant space I've been using for years.
17:23Oh, I'm sorry, Daphne.
17:24I'm afraid this is my fault.
17:26Mrs. Langer is simply retaliating against me, you see.
17:29Last night, I rather humiliated her in a dazzling display of rhetoric.
17:35I heard you spilled your briefcase all over the floor.
17:39You know, this building has a great vibe.
17:41Ernest and Giulio Gallo would envy.
17:45Well, you know, perhaps I should run against Mrs. Langer.
17:49God knows she's ripe for a good comeuppance.
17:52Well, I know exactly what you mean, Dr. Crane.
17:56I was standing behind her in the elevator the other day, looking at the back of her head, and I thought,
18:01you know, several stout whacks with a tire iron, and this building will be a much happier place.
18:10I'll just get these bags off to the kitchen.
18:14Bridget, this Langer woman sounds as if she wields considerable power.
18:18What if you run against her and lose?
18:20Nick Niles, let somebody else do it.
18:23What an appalling expression of apathy.
18:25What kind of a world do you think this would be if everyone thought the way you two do?
18:28Everyone does think the way we do.
18:30And look at the kind of world it is.
18:32Corruption in high places.
18:34And electorates, unconcerned with the real issues because they're too consumed with their own selfish pleasures.
18:38Is this a Clare spoken for?
18:40It's mine. Put it back.
18:43Rawls, don't you see?
18:46Because if you're not willing to get involved, then you have no right to grumble when things don't go your way.
18:52Look at this. I got two slips for not taking Andy to the freight elevator.
18:56It's ridiculous.
18:58Everybody uses the main elevator.
19:01Mrs. Tornquist has her dog Fluffy in there all the time.
19:05Well, that's it.
19:07I am running for condo board president.
19:09Time comes in every man's life and he must meet face to face a challenge.
19:13Other than skitter away like a coward.
19:16Well, I'm proud of you, son. That's the way a crayon talks.
19:20Oh, Dad. Nice seeing you.
19:22I mean, not...
19:40Okay, Andy. Now.
19:53Good boy, Andy. Now go make dinner.
20:01It's just a little joke Andy and I have been working on.
20:06Too bad. It explained so much.
20:12What is this? Another one?
20:14Oh, yes. Seems your father got it last night.
20:18I guess he's just refusing to take Andy in the freight elevator.
20:22Of course, all that will be different once you're elected.
20:25Yes, but we don't want to jinx it, Daphne.
20:27But I must say, I think my chances are very good.
20:29After this missive I found this morning, on my window.
20:33Found this morning?
20:34On my windshield.
20:37It's from the resistance.
20:41Dear Dr. Crane, we have pulled the building.
20:44The election is yours. Good work.
20:47Signed, anonymous.
20:50Oh, wouldn't this be more anonymous if it didn't say
20:53from the desk of Dr. William M. Dorfman?
20:58Yes, well, now you see why they need me.
21:03Dr. Malie decided I still wish I had a punchier opening for this speech I wrote this morning.
21:08Well, I'm running out of time.
21:12Unless...
21:14Yes.
21:16I think Miss Langer may have given me the very ammunition I need for my opening solo.
21:22You'll see how the voters feel about a woman who tries to persecute
21:27a disabled ex-policeman and his loyal dog.
21:30Oh, it'll be nice to live in a building where people can hang whatever they damn well please on their door.
21:35Of course.
21:37Well, pending my approval.
21:42Is he gone?
21:43Well, yes. You're not avoiding him, are you?
21:46Well, yeah, kinda. I mean, it's pretty embarrassing about getting caught last night in that hot tub.
21:52I mean, the whole building's talking about it.
21:54What happened?
21:56You haven't heard?
21:57No.
21:58Oh. Well, never mind.
22:00No, no, no, no. What?
22:03Well, after dinner last night, my hip was getting kinda stiff, so I went down to the hot tub.
22:09Well, you know how it is when you kick on the jets and your trunks fill up like a hot air balloon.
22:14No, but go on.
22:16Well, there was nobody around, so I just slipped out of them and tossed them on the deck.
22:21You mean you were...
22:22Yeah, just floating free.
22:25So I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, you know, and letting the bubbles do their work,
22:30and suddenly old lady Langer shows up.
22:33She sees my trunks and she writes me out a no-no slip right there and then.
22:37You mean the no-no slip was for being naked in the hot tub?
22:41Yeah.
22:43Oh. I told Dr. Crane it was because you took Eddie in the elevator.
22:48Oh, dear. I've got to get down to that condo meeting.
22:51Why?
22:53I don't know what's going on down there, but suddenly I have a very queasy feeling.
22:59Yeah.
23:00Just what Miss Langer said when she tossed me my trunks.
23:06And so you can vote for me, a person who has worked this past year to keep this building running smoothly,
23:17or you can turn the building over to a man who can scarcely keep his own family under control.
23:26Thank you.
23:35Fellow condo owners, I'm sorry my opponent has chosen to be vindictive about my family,
23:42but that is merely characteristic of her behavior during her entire term in office.
23:49How else would one explain this?
23:52This citation my father received last night is a perfect example of the pettiness of which this woman is capable.
23:58We're all aware of your father's behavior last night.
24:02I'm surprised you're not too ashamed to bring it up.
24:05Ashamed? Not at all. I defend his behavior.
24:11So he had his little friend out where he shouldn't be. For what?
24:15Been doing it for years.
24:19You approve of his behavior?
24:22Approve? I applaud it.
24:25Have you no compassion?
24:28My father is getting older.
24:31Hasn't many pleasures left in life.
24:34I can't tell you the hours of joy that that little guy has brought him.
24:43And not just him. Who among us can't help but break into a smile upon seeing the little fella?
24:52Oh, I know, you know, sometimes it is irksome when his little Eddie appears at inopportune moments, but...
24:58He's named Eddie?
25:00Well, not exactly a coarse name that I might have chosen.
25:03I might have gone with something a bit more, I don't know, whimsical, like...
25:06Oh, Puck!
25:10You know, the prodigal sprite from Shakespeare's Ritz on a Night's Dream.
25:14Oh, don't look so shocked.
25:16Whom does it really harm if he unleashes Eddie once in a while?
25:22Come on, he's not as though he's alone in such behavior, Mrs. Tornquist.
25:25I've seen you do the same thing many times with your fluffy.
25:29You know, if you ask me, not only is his behavior harmless, it's laudable.
25:34Why, you should see the looks on the faces of the schoolchildren when he takes Eddie out by the playground.
25:46What the fuck?
25:49Thanks.
25:57On the other hand...
26:01We all need rules.
26:03Go, go, go!
26:09Sorry about the knocker.
26:12Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:18Mercy.
26:20And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:23Well, maybe.
26:25But I got you pegged.
26:29But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:35But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:42They're callin' again.
26:45Good night!