Veep Season 3 Episode 4 Clovis
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00:00Ah, very inspirational speech, ma'am.
00:27Oh, come on. You wrote it. You can't review it.
00:29Well, I meant that you read it very inspirationally.
00:31Yeah, thanks a lot. I love Silicon Valley. I love Silicon Valley!
00:36Yeah! Boy, it's a real can-do attitude.
00:39This is what D.C. must have been like under Jefferson.
00:41Except that would have been a horse, right?
00:43Yeah. There's a typo on the home page.
00:46Yeah, she might have a great sense of density for this nation,
00:49but that's not the line we want to push.
00:51It's, uh...
00:52What is... Oh, Meatmeyer?
00:53Meatmeyer.com.
00:55Everything you wanted to know about Selina Meyer that we want you to.
00:58You should have changed the name to MoneyMoneyMoney.gov.
01:01That's right. It's $5,000 a ticket and $10,000 to be at the Veep's table.
01:05$20,000 and Selina sits on your lap.
01:07What did you just say?
01:09No, not really.
01:10So, what about Clovis? When are we doing that? Is that tomorrow?
01:12Yeah. That company is worth $4.3 billion.
01:15I know.
01:16That's more than I make in a year.
01:17Yes, yes. We will need Wi-Fi.
01:19Gary, what are you doing? You look like a newborn giraffe.
01:22I'm just fanning myself with my arm.
01:25Here, can you take this? It's heavy.
01:27Yeah, yeah.
01:28You take that.
01:29Okay, this way.
01:30Wi-Fi. Do you have that in Silicon Valley?
01:32The sun is unbelievable.
01:34I've got to move the government here.
01:36Oh, you want to do a selfie?
01:38I call that an ussy.
01:40It's an iPhone joke or something.
01:42Who is this gorgeous baby?
01:44This is Gracie.
01:45Look here. Look.
01:46She's wearing a campaign button, folks.
01:48Well, I campaigned for you.
01:49You did?
01:50Yeah, Cassie Langley.
01:51I can't resist a baby.
01:53Hello, Gracie.
01:54Now, how old is she?
01:56I'd say she's eight and a half months.
01:57She's nine months.
01:58Okay, she's rounding up.
01:59She's crawling now. Isn't that about the age?
02:01No, she's been really, really slow to develop, actually.
02:04They've been fracking in our area.
02:06Hydraulic fracking to extract oil and gas.
02:08You don't know what it is.
02:09Absolutely know what fracking is.
02:11We just don't know if there's contamination in our homes.
02:14And when you ran, you said that you were pro-environment.
02:17I am pro-environment.
02:18No, you weren't.
02:19Now I don't know what you are.
02:20And I feel very, very let down.
02:22You know what your mommy and I are doing?
02:23We're having a very serious conversation about political issues.
02:28And the issues are complex.
02:32You said you were against it, and now you're saying that you're for it.
02:35I'm just confused.
02:36Which one is it?
02:37We need to make that woman go away.
02:38And I don't mean kill her.
02:40Who believe that a certain kind of fracking
02:42I don't think that you know what you are talking about.
02:44I care about my daughter very much.
02:46Wrap it up.
02:47I believe that children are our future, Cassie.
02:50And they deserve an energy policy
02:53that protects the world, okay?
02:55The world in which there is a country called the United States of America.
02:59Yes, there is.
03:00No, no, no.
03:01Move on, move on.
03:02We're moving on.
03:03Oh, my God.
03:04Oh, that's a baby.
03:06This hurts.
03:07This hurts.
03:08This hurts.
03:09This hurts.
03:10This hurts.
03:11This hurts.
03:12This hurts.
03:13Hi.
03:14She was like a beached whale with one flipper fucking around in the air.
03:16And you were nowhere to push her back in the sea.
03:18I was shutting it down, Amy.
03:20Meanwhile, you were just watching a baby fill its diaper.
03:22That baby had a mean look in its eyes like its mama.
03:26Hey, ma'am.
03:27Uh-huh?
03:28What do you think of a theme like a west coast feel for tomorrow?
03:30I'm calling this Pacific Trim.
03:32You know what trim is?
03:33Yeah.
03:34It's twat.
03:35Oh, yeah.
03:36So, ma'am, right now you're at your hotel.
03:37I know that, yes.
03:38What about this one?
03:39Alcatraz and Mataz.
03:40What do you think of that?
03:41They look like two couches.
03:42Couches?
03:43Great.
03:44No couches.
03:45So, tomorrow morning is Clovis.
03:46Then you go to Yahoo.
03:48But remember, while you're there, do not use Google as a verb.
03:51The Yahoo thing's there.
03:52Okay.
03:53Bye.
03:54Meatmeyer.com is burning down the house, ma'am, if that's a good thing.
03:58What about this whole fracking mother with his baby situation?
04:02How bad is it?
04:03If we're gonna rate it on a scale of one to, like, fucks, what would you say?
04:06Well, she's a woman.
04:07Right.
04:08In her 30s.
04:09Yeah.
04:10You alienate them, and you'll be dead somewhere before New Hampshire.
04:12Oh, my God.
04:13I know.
04:14I know.
04:15I mean, I lose women, and what am I left with?
04:16I'm left with gay Latinos and Jews at college, I guess.
04:22Does someone please want to tell me why Danny Chung is on this television?
04:26Even Selina Meyer's supporters are not supporting her.
04:29Now, speaking as a military man, if you lose the trust of the men and women on the ground...
04:34All right, I gotta take this fucker out.
04:36I have to succeed with Republican Guard Failed, all while doing 10 million other little things.
04:41It is called multitasking, Dan.
04:43I do it every...
04:44Damn it.
04:45You just typed the word multitasking, didn't you?
04:47No.
04:50Yeah, Amy.
04:51Fracking lady.
04:52You want me to get her in here, or you want me to shut her down?
04:54What do you want me to do?
04:55Tame her or shame her?
04:56Either.
04:57Both.
04:58And quickly.
04:59Oh, well, this is fucking terrible.
05:00I know.
05:01You know, they say all babies are cute, but whoever they are should be stuck in a stroller
05:05and pushed into traffic.
05:06No, no, no.
05:07I'm not talking about that.
05:08Jonah's got a new post up, and he's getting hits.
05:11And not the kind he deserves, either.
05:13So the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the Dolls, and instead of California Dreamin',
05:17she's got him California Screamin'.
05:21And that's why drinking chemical sludge is good for you.
05:26What?
05:27But I've been drinking that frack water, and look what it's gotten done to my titty milk.
05:31My baby.
05:32Oh, my baby.
05:39Vice President's office.
05:40Secure line.
05:41Sue.
05:43Suester.
05:44Sue of steel.
05:45Sue, Sue, Sudio.
05:47Jonah, get off the line, and then the plant.
05:50Sue, have you seen my viral?
05:52Oh, nice.
05:53Yeah.
05:54Get me.
05:56Yes, sir.
05:57Kent Davidson on line three.
06:00Mr. Davidson.
06:01Dan Zabar, what's happening?
06:02Hey, have you seen my viral?
06:04Dan, we need to break this Cassie bitch, the British dick who invented the internet,
06:08and anybody in between.
06:09Yeah, yeah.
06:10What about Jonah?
06:11Jonah?
06:13Hey, fuckin' pencil neck.
06:17Yeah, he just swallowed his phone in fear.
06:19Look, Dan, fix this.
06:22I will get right on it, sir.
06:23Then we'll hit O'Malley's at eight for a beer or ten.
06:26You know, I asked Mike, but he's too happy now that he's married.
06:29Oh, thank you.
06:30I look forward to that.
06:32Too happy.
06:34I mean, it's obvious that I would make the best campaign manager.
06:38I'm not asking to tell her that, but please, would someone fuckin' tell her that?
06:42Take it from me, Dan.
06:45In a couple of months on this job, you'd go from those six-pack abs to this king.
06:52I haven't seen my penis since the first Gulf War, and I kinda miss the little guy.
06:58I mean, I know that I can do it.
07:03So how low can you go, Dan Egan?
07:05How low can you go, Dan Egan?
07:06How down and dirty are you willing to get?
07:08Pretty grubby.
07:09I would definitely need regular showers, for sure.
07:12I mean, if somebody bought you this Chung-Iraq thing, you just tell them it's fuckin' bullshit.
07:19Which it is.
07:20What Chung-Iraq thing?
07:22Well, you know how Chung just bores the shit out of you, right?
07:26Well, it seems his unit in Iraq did that to some poor slob with a drill.
07:33But that's, you know, it's just nut fluff.
07:37I mean, it's unusable, don't you think?
07:44Yeah.
07:47Hey, can we get two more?
07:48Yeah, and a couple of whiskey chasers. It's still Tuesday.
07:53Another six minutes.
08:03Mike, I am balls deep in this omelet.
08:05Can you please call this Cassie woman and invite her to Washington already?
08:09How come I don't have a tell-what-to-do guy?
08:13Amy, Amy.
08:15Did you see? Did you see that hot guy?
08:17No.
08:18He just came out of Gary's room.
08:20No.
08:21Yeah.
08:22What is going on with that?
08:24No, he, another room or something.
08:26Hi.
08:27Really?
08:28Hey, is that egg whites or is it, it's, it's an egg white.
08:31It's an egg white.
08:32Well, that, yeah, well, it's a few egg whites, right?
08:34And some broccoli and...
08:36You excited about Clovis?
08:37Sure.
08:39Ma'am, I want you to bring your A-game to Craig Jergens.
08:42I mean, he is rich.
08:43This is going to wipe out the deficit rich.
08:45How old is he?
08:46Twenty-six.
08:47Oh, my God. See, that's wrong.
08:48It's too young.
08:49No, you shouldn't make your first million until you're in your thirties.
08:53That's what Andrew and I did, and it kept us completely grounded.
08:57Yeah.
08:59Oh, this is good.
09:01Oh, poor kids.
09:03They don't realize they're all going to be executed by the time they turn thirty.
09:06Wow, look at that.
09:08Oh, look here.
09:10Madam Vice President, welcome to Clovis.
09:13Melissa, so good to see you.
09:14Melissa Connors, Chief Financial Officer.
09:16I am the oldest person at Clovis by about five years.
09:19I feel ancient.
09:21You must be twelve years old.
09:24I'm, I'm not, no.
09:26No, no, no, this is Amy Bruckheimer, my chief of staff.
09:29We know all about you, Amy.
09:32Let me show you Clovis.
09:33Fantastic.
09:36Well, I'm really looking forward to meeting Craig.
09:39Absolutely.
09:41Although, um, it is pronounced Craig.
09:45Craig.
09:46Yeah, Craig.
09:47C-R-A-I-G.
09:49That's right, Craig.
09:50So, Craig.
09:51Craig.
09:52Craig.
09:53Craig.
09:54Is that what you said?
09:55Craig.
09:56That's it.
09:57Well done, Amy.
09:58Oh.
09:59Okay.
10:00You got it right.
10:01Uh, me.
10:02We have gyms and restaurants, entertainment facilities for the creatives, sleeping pods.
10:08Oh, how wonderful.
10:11Childcare is a huge part of my campaign.
10:14Oh, no, these are Legos.
10:15Uh, Craig believes that Legos are an important part of creative thought.
10:21Wow, and what are you making, Kent?
10:24Are you making a friend for the robot?
10:25Huh?
10:26Oh, let's.
10:27I think they're onto something here.
10:28We should have this stuff up on the hill.
10:30We could build a consensus.
10:31All right.
10:32All right.
10:33So, the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the dolls, and then...
10:36Will someone either please kill the sound or kill that idiot?
10:39Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:40What are you doing?
10:41Back on.
10:42Now, idiot.
10:43Oh, God.
10:44My brain feels like it's being fucking circumcised.
10:47You know what?
10:49You, every day, I want you to remind me to never go drinking with Ben.
10:52All right?
10:53And you, get me a cheeseburger made of aspirin.
10:55Where are you going, Ben?
10:56I am going to get some air and then throw up in it.
10:59All right.
11:00Games, Texas, hold them.
11:02There are no comfort breaks in this game.
11:04You're going to sit there, and you're going to piss your pants like a man while I take your money.
11:07You're little, you're big.
11:08Put them in.
11:09One, two.
11:10Hey, the Egan has landed.
11:12You look terrible, man.
11:13Yeah.
11:14Tone down the exuberance, all right?
11:16I got a hangover worse than the film they made after the hangover.
11:19Fucking no.
11:20Hey, Ben.
11:21You actually do look like shit.
11:22Who let him in here?
11:23Our wiggly poker game was supposed to be sacrosanct, all right?
11:26Sorry, man.
11:27His site has traction.
11:28My site has traction.
11:29It was linked on Playbook this morning.
11:31Oh, my God, yeah.
11:32Did I tell you?
11:33My site was linked on Playbook this morning.
11:35All right, just deal him up.
11:36I'm going to crush you bastards.
11:38Anybody want some fruit salad?
11:39I got plenty.
11:40How long is Craig going to be held up?
11:43Craig will be with us momentarily, but at present, he's in his coding hour.
11:48I imagine that's what he's creating code.
11:50That's what she just said.
11:51She called it that.
11:52Craig's coding hour is sacred.
11:54It happens every day, but you don't know when.
11:56You know, perhaps if Craig kept some sort of a calendar,
12:01and then he could write down his schedule,
12:03and then he would know where he was meant to be.
12:05Noted.
12:06Yes.
12:07What is all this writing on that wall?
12:11Oh, this is our graffiti wall.
12:13Perhaps as one of our honored guests, you'd like to sign it.
12:16Oh.
12:17Mm-mm-mm.
12:18No, ma'am, that's Ron Jeremy.
12:20I know, he's a great actor.
12:22He was Scar in The Lion King.
12:24That was Jeremy Irons.
12:25Ron Jeremy is a porn legend.
12:28Oh.
12:29Here.
12:30Oh, uh, Lance Armstrong.
12:31We're having that one chemically expunged.
12:33Ah.
12:34Good idea.
12:35So, what are you doing?
12:39I'm taking a roll away.
12:41No, but there's no wheels.
12:43Okay, yeah.
12:51I'm going to raise it 100.
12:54You got nothing.
12:55No, I know you.
12:56You got a towel.
12:59That's your towel, Dan.
13:00That's a William fucking towel.
13:02Yeah.
13:03It's like an apple sitting right under your head, Dan.
13:05I can see it.
13:06It's playing his deck.
13:07I call.
13:08See, I got one pretty lady, and oh, look.
13:11She brought her sister, and hello, honey.
13:16Three pretty ladies, like Saturday night at Shade Jonah,
13:19and here ended the lesson, children.
13:22You look like you're going to heave, man.
13:24I just had a belly full of chong this morning.
13:28I don't get it, either.
13:29I don't know why no one's going after that guy.
13:31Well, because unlike your boss, his day-to-fuck-up ratio isn't one-to-one.
13:35Yeah, well, at least Selena didn't torture any Iraqis.
13:39You know, unless she had an Iraqi maid or something.
13:42That's bullshit.
13:43No, I heard his unit tortured a guy.
13:46Seriously?
13:47I don't know for sure, but you think that's true?
13:50I'm not saying anything, okay?
13:52I know nothing.
14:00Wow, it's like the rainforest, isn't it?
14:02Nature is very important to Clovis.
14:04Uh-huh.
14:05Here is some.
14:06How do you take care of all the roots?
14:08Oh, these are synthetic.
14:10Well, this is our black sky ideas room.
14:13Uh-huh.
14:14Google has blue skies, but Craig doesn't stop at the atmosphere.
14:20But he stops at meeting me, doesn't he?
14:22Yes.
14:23In his own motherfucking building?
14:24Yeah.
14:25She said we'd see Craig momentarily, and our withdrawal from Afghanistan has been more momentarily than that.
14:29Sorry, guys.
14:30My size of the planet bad.
14:32Craig Jurgensen as I live and breathe in the genius.
14:35Can't damn it.
14:36Selena.
14:37That's Madam Vice President.
14:38He's Madam Vice President?
14:39I'm sorry.
14:40Oh.
14:41Madam Vice President.
14:42Right.
14:43I shouldn't say this because I majored in math, but you have my 1,000% attention.
14:48Wow, that's a lot.
14:49I'm thrilled to hear that.
14:50Excuse me one moment.
14:51Have you heard from Indonesia?
14:52They've made a counter.
14:53Okay.
14:54Hope Melissa's taking care of you.
14:55She's our finance-y Nancy, but she's cool sometimes.
14:58I can be cool sometimes.
15:00So what we need to do is...
15:02Oh, um, talk to me.
15:04What about?
15:05Anything that doesn't quite matter.
15:07Uh, Congress, legislature, words like that.
15:10Yeah, that's exactly.
15:11I've heard about France, for instance.
15:12France is so great.
15:13Museums are too big.
15:14They can be small.
15:15That I agree with.
15:16Did Melissa show you our new baby?
15:18We won.
15:19Right.
15:20I'm so sorry.
15:21What?
15:22Did she show you this march?
15:23This march?
15:24Do you have a special little march?
15:26No.
15:27No?
15:28You are going to love this.
15:29It's a little on the loud side.
15:30Guys, how about putting a sock around the ball?
15:37Okay, we're going to put this on you.
15:39You are wearing a smart watch.
15:42Hence, smarch.
15:44It swaps Clovis profiles when you shake hands.
15:47If it's a phone and a watch, just call it a fotch.
15:49Or a loan.
15:51If you wanted it to bomb...
15:55Let's shake.
15:56All right.
15:59And now it is on.
16:00Uh-oh.
16:02Oh.
16:03We were at work this morning.
16:04Okay, one more time.
16:06This way.
16:07Uh-oh.
16:08I feel like we're sawing a tree or something.
16:11Now we're milking a cow.
16:14Maybe it isn't on, but...
16:15You know what?
16:16We'll come back to shaking, okay?
16:17Great.
16:18Why don't you ask it a question?
16:20Um, can Craig see...
16:22Oh, Selena, you need to say smarch.
16:24I know.
16:26Um, okay.
16:28Smarch, can you see for Craig the...
16:32It's Craig.
16:33Craig the Meatmeyer website?
16:38These are the opening times for SeaWorld.
16:41You know, this is good.
16:43If things work all the time, it means we can't make them better.
16:46We have a saying here at Clovis.
16:48Dare to fail.
16:49Well, then that's a job well done.
16:51Stop playing ping-pong.
16:54Here, and go have a great time somewhere else.
17:00Look, if we don't go with this Chung torture story, someone else will.
17:04We just don't know the facts.
17:06Okay, but we just...
17:07We put it out there, and then something will arrive that backs it up.
17:11Right?
17:12That's just...
17:13That's journalism 101.
17:14Hey, Dan.
17:15It's Jonah.
17:16Hey, do you think I should go with this?
17:18Okay, I mean, I'm probably going to.
17:20But if you think I shouldn't go with it, just call me back.
17:23Okay, call me back if I shouldn't go with it.
17:25Okay?
17:27This is Jonah.
17:28Bye.
17:34He's not calling back.
17:36Stop.
17:41Yeah.
17:45Done?
17:46Done.
17:49Ma'am, could I address the Smarch one more time?
17:52Oh, yeah.
17:53At work, they call me the tech whisperer.
17:55No, we don't.
17:56Smarch, can we see Meatmeyer?
17:59The Smarch learns quickly.
18:01It's like it has an Asian mother.
18:04What?
18:05What is this?
18:06Some college kids made it, ma'am.
18:08It's a comedy thing where they represent you as meat and act out news stories.
18:12It's making fun of our website, which is Meatmeyer.
18:15M-E-E-T-E-M-E.
18:16Oh, that's me.
18:17What was the site?
18:19Meatingmeyer?
18:20Yeah.
18:21Smarch, show us Meatingmeyer.
18:23No, no, no, Smarch.
18:24No.
18:25What?
18:26No.
18:27Oh, my God.
18:28Okay, okay.
18:29Gary, oh, my God.
18:30Now I'm getting fucked harder that way, Gary.
18:32Engage family filters.
18:33You have to say Smarch.
18:35Smarch.
18:36Engage family filters.
18:38All right, it's off.
18:39Come down from there.
18:41I am so sorry, Madam Vice President.
18:45If it's any consolation, a porn parody is a sure sign that you've officially made it.
18:51Well, technically, becoming Vice President could count as making it.
18:55So who is that phone you mean?
18:57Was that Jeremy Irons?
18:58I think you mean Ron Jeremy.
19:00Whatever.
19:01Good question.
19:02You know what?
19:03This raises another point.
19:04We cannot have this Jonah Ryan or this fracking story behind the Veep when she's talking.
19:09Yeah, I can't take it from them, too, you know?
19:12A girl gets tired.
19:13Guys, you're not asking me to pull content.
19:16That's very much against our ethics.
19:18The political reality of that is...
19:20Oh, I don't follow politics.
19:22But I do like your tablets into school initiative.
19:25Right.
19:26How about I give you a few to get you started?
19:28Say 50,000?
19:30Oh, that's a very generous offer.
19:32We appreciate that.
19:33Bang.
19:34That's how fast we move here.
19:35Well, that could be the start of a nice friendship.
19:38You know, now that we're on the topic of friendship, that repatriation tax just stops so much innovation.
19:45We would love to have a dialogue about that.
19:48But you don't follow politics, I thought.
19:50Or you do now follow politics.
19:52We see ourselves as very much post-tax.
19:56Well, I do have one fiscal question.
19:58Right now, you are showcasing other people's content for free.
20:03Once the content providers start charging you, do you have a plan?
20:08I think there's a misunderstanding.
20:10People want to work with us more than they want to be paid.
20:13That's a given.
20:14Well, if that plan works, you've changed humanity.
20:17Bravo.
20:19Yeah, indeed.
20:21Melissa?
20:22Craig is bookmarking this chat.
20:25He's what?
20:27You mean metaphorically?
20:29Look at that pile of elbows.
20:31Look at this.
20:32Number one.
20:33His site's been blowing up all day.
20:35Who is that guy?
20:36Oh, God.
20:37It's Jonah Ryan.
20:38Everybody knows Jonah.
20:40So he's well-known in D.C. circles.
20:42Okay, how much do we have in the new venture fund?
20:44Fifty.
20:45Okay, let's take three or four and buy that site.
20:48Oh, no way.
20:49You mean millions?
20:50No.
20:51Fair enough.
20:52Four to six.
20:53He said that he's a popular guy, so.
20:55I didn't say that.
20:56Yes, he definitely said that.
20:58I didn't say that.
20:59I got to go talk to Indonesia.
21:01Recap.
21:02Tablets?
21:03Cool.
21:04No tax?
21:05Awesome.
21:06See you at the town hall?
21:07Going to be fun.
21:08So glad you support us.
21:09Yeah.
21:11Okay, thanks.
21:12Okay, bye.
21:15Who was that?
21:16It's nobody.
21:18Just a nice little pretty lady I like to call destiny.
21:21Clovis wants to buy Ryantology.
21:24That's right.
21:26What?
21:27That's right.
21:28Oh, my God.
21:29You see these brains?
21:30You see why I'm patting them?
21:31Because they are made of solid platinum.
21:34This is really good for all of us, right?
21:37I'm going to be so rich.
21:38Oh, my God.
21:39You know what?
21:40Everybody who said that I would never make it, where the fuck are you now, huh?
21:45Well, some of them are still in senior positions.
21:48Fuck you, Kent Davison.
21:50And fuck you, Mrs. Gravestock from the third grade.
21:53Fuck you, stepdad one and stepdad three.
21:59I got to sit down.
22:05I think I just had a money gasm.
22:09Jonah with money.
22:10God almighty, it's like if Hitler could fly.
22:13I vote we tape Gary's mouth closed.
22:15I did not say anything.
22:17He asked me to come in with him, Jonah did.
22:19I'd be rich right now.
22:20I'd be handcuffed to a prick, but I'd be rich.
22:23You would not.
22:24Absolutely not.
22:25Now, what, so they buy it for four?
22:27So that gives you, what, one after taxes?
22:30It's like 500,000.
22:32It's nothing.
22:33What are you going to do with that?
22:34Ow.
22:35Oh, my God.
22:37Do you think this is appropriate?
22:40Because when you do that to the vice president, this is what happens.
22:43Oh.
22:45God.
22:46Oh, my God.
22:47Gary, are you okay?
22:48I'm fine.
22:49Oh, God.
22:50You know what?
22:51Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.
22:52You kids have, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.
22:53What?
22:54These idiots are the internet.
22:56Excuse me, Madam Vice President.
22:59Madam Vice President.
23:01Amy, can we huddle for a second?
23:03Yeah.
23:04It's okay, we have a huddle area.
23:08I'm taking these people back to dial-up.
23:10You know what I mean?
23:11They think they're kings of America.
23:12Yeah, well, in a way they are.
23:14No, they're not.
23:15Okay, I take your point.
23:16I know you're walking around here like you're C-3PO with a big, brass, shiny erection.
23:21But I got news for you.
23:22This is kindergarten for cyber-brats.
23:25And I'll tell you something else.
23:26If you're over 30, check it out.
23:29That's where you're headed, my friend, if you work here.
23:31I gotta go to the bathroom.
23:33They have a bathroom here?
23:34They put their turds up in the cloud.
23:36Down the hall to the right.
23:37I hate this fucking place.
23:39Way to go, Gary.
23:47Oh, it's a space toilet.
23:58Oh!
23:59I've been watching you, and I like what I see.
24:03Right.
24:04Would you work here and share an open-plan environment with me?
24:08Well, I'm flattered.
24:10But the sheer positivity of this place would break me.
24:14Hey, Doug, they got different trail mix today.
24:16Somewhere else?
24:19This is what we pay you.
24:23Go fuck yourself.
24:24Sorry, that's the opposite of what I meant to say.
24:30Iraq.
24:31Land of history, but also land of unspeakable torture.
24:38Chung's proud of his beatboxing, but what about the beating and boxing he did in Iraq?
24:43Proud of that, governor?
24:47I don't understand what this is.
24:48I know.
24:49I don't want any of this.
24:50We can figure out a way to get rid of it.
24:52I don't know what that is.
24:55Jesus, what's wrong?
24:56What's wrong?
24:57I'm sorry.
24:58I gotta confess, ma'am.
24:59I've been in a lot of pain lately.
25:00It's my shoulder.
25:01The masseuse at the hotel this morning told me to take it easy.
25:04It's just been hurting.
25:05It was a masseuse.
25:07Makes total sense now.
25:09Wait, who did you think it was?
25:10Kent.
25:12It was a masseuse.
25:14Ah, okay.
25:15Masseuse.
25:16I'd buy that.
25:17Why else would I invite a man into my hotel room?
25:20Well.
25:21Well?
25:22Nothing.
25:23Why are you looking at me like that?
25:24Like what?
25:25Why is nobody looking at you anyway?
25:26It's a free country.
25:28I know it's a free country.
25:29I had a cousin like that.
25:30I don't have to split hairs or anything, but it was a man, so technically it's a masseur, not a masseuse.
25:35Right.
25:36Whatever makes you happy.
25:37It doesn't matter.
25:38I don't understand.
25:40Whatever makes me happy.
25:43It's complicated, isn't it?
25:44It is.
25:45It is.
25:46But my job is to discover how America thinks.
25:50And right now the public is interested in tax relief for tech firms.
25:55Interesting.
25:56Yeah, but they're still deciding.
26:00There's a lot of interest in the Chung torture story.
26:05The public may decide to put it on the Clovis front page after all.
26:10Instead of those Selena stories.
26:13Also interesting.
26:16Well, I do admire the power of the public.
26:19Aren't they magnificent?
26:25Welcome to the Clovis Town Hall, guys.
26:28Next week we have Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter movies.
26:36But today I'm honored to welcome the Vice President of the United States, Selena Meyer.
26:54Hi.
26:55Now, Selena.
26:57Some people call me Madam Vice President, but you can call me whatever you want, Craig.
27:04Craig!
27:05Yeah.
27:06Okay.
27:07Well, Madam Vice President, why don't you name a website suitable for work, please?
27:14Okay, smarch.
27:16Show me the Clovis homepage.
27:26You know what?
27:27Guys, I have to address this.
27:29This Danny Chung torture story.
27:32I know Governor Chung very well.
27:36And I can tell you that these allegations are utterly unfounded.
27:40Utterly unfounded.
27:41If you are telling me that Danny Chung condones torture, I am telling you that those allegations are false.
27:51False.
27:52False.
27:53I mean, the words Danny Chung and torture, they don't belong in the same sentence.
28:00They don't.
28:01Danny Chung, torture?
28:05Come on.
28:06Well, ma'am, by denying that Chung and torture are connected, everyone now seems to think that, well, Chung and torture are connected.
28:15And I wonder what magician got that little story out there.
28:19Well, you're a very smart boy.
28:20So, listen, we're going to end this conversation.
28:22We're never going to refer to it again, okay?
28:24Melissa, I've had time to think about it now.
28:29And I'm a grown-up.
28:31I don't think I'm the right fit here.
28:34I wasn't even that into toys when I was a kid.
28:38The V.I.P. doesn't value you.
28:39She's about to promote me to campaign manager.
28:41She values me.
28:43That's off the record, by the way.
28:46I don't need you.
28:48I can buy a thousand Amy's.
28:50That's fine by me if your idea of special is Jonah Ryan.
28:54Jonah Ryan?
28:56We sunsetted that idea minutes ago.
28:59We've withdrawn our offer.
29:01Well, like.
29:03Sorry, wrong company.
29:05These Pentagon files prove beyond doubt I had no involvement in torture.
29:13I've never made political capital from my military record.
29:19A service to this great country.
29:20Okay, yes, I understand.
29:23But the now utterly discredited website.
29:26Jonah, we didn't get into this for the money.
29:34You take that chicken soup and you shove it up your soul.
29:40I will destroy the allegations against me and the brave men and women.
29:48Hey, Dan.
29:50Hey, pizza delivery, buddy.
29:53I got some meat you can put in your mouth.
29:56You fucking asshole.
29:59Hey, you want a complimentary soda?
30:04What the hell are you doing, Jonah?
30:06Screw you, Dan.
30:08Yeah, that's right.
30:09Speaking of screw, I heard you lost $4 million, huh?
30:11Yeah.
30:12I feel your pain, buddy.
30:13I had to dump that 150 on purpose of the game today.
30:15You fucked me, Dan.
30:17You fucked me with your face.
30:18Oh, would that be this face?
30:21Melissa, what an enjoyable day.
30:23Thank you very much.
30:24A pleasure.
30:25Yes, absolutely.
30:26Amy, can I talk to you just briefly?
30:27In the ladies' restroom, they have some sort of an internet toilet.
30:31And I couldn't figure out how to flush it.
30:33It's got all these buttons that freak me out.
30:35So can you go handle that, okay?
30:37It's the third stall.
30:42Oh, wonderful day, wonderful device.
30:45Want to take one away?
30:46No.
30:54All the best.