Benidorm S08 E07 - Episode #8.7
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Short filmTranscript
00:00This programme contains strong language and adult humour
00:31Last day today. Mm-hm.
00:35What do you fancy doing? I'm doing it.
00:39I've hardly seen anything of Benidorm.
00:41Well, we came here to relax.
00:45Did you come back here? Absolutely.
00:48Like a rat up a drainpipe.
00:50I wasn't asking you. Oh, will you two give it a rest, please?
00:53Is it too much to ask for one final day of peace and quiet?
00:57That sounds good to me.
00:59One last day in paradise before we head back to reality.
01:02Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh!
01:05Geordie! Geordie, quick, get out of the pool!
01:08Bloody hell, Shadham, what are you playing at?
01:10Quick, quick! What's going on?
01:12I don't believe it! I don't believe it!
01:14SHE SCREAMS
01:21Sir Henry. Joyce, how are you?
01:24You're looking radiant.
01:26Yes, we had a problem with the underfloor heating. It wouldn't turn off.
01:29No, I mean you look enchanting, as ever.
01:32Sir Henry, please, people will talk.
01:35Mm-hm, let them.
01:38Oh, Les, no personal calls during work.
01:42It's me son, Liam.
01:44One minute, outside.
01:46You're all hot.
01:49To what do we owe this pleasure?
01:51Joyce, I need a favour.
01:53I've been let down by the Benidorm Panners.
01:55Really? I thought their show was rather good.
01:58I'll be with you in a moment.
02:00No, I mean they've had a power cut.
02:02It doesn't look as though they'll be able to host
02:04tonight's Pride of Benidorm Awards.
02:06I see.
02:07I've heard so much about your newly refurbished Hawaiian function room.
02:10You want to host the Pride of Benidorm Awards here?
02:14It would be an absolute lifesaver. We're a sell-out.
02:17Oh, I'm sorry, Sir Henry, we simply don't have the manpower.
02:21Joyce, we really are on a sticky wicket with this one.
02:24I mean, obviously, we asked the Asia Gardens,
02:26and then the Sheraton, and then the Bellroy,
02:29and then the Three Seasons,
02:31but after those, you were the first place that sprang to mind.
02:34I'm sorry, Sir Henry.
02:36As you can see, we are really very busy.
02:39Oh, no, I'll miss you too.
02:41Les, I thought I said one minute.
02:43I'm sorry, Mrs Templeton. Yes, pet.
02:46I'm sorry we can't help you, Sir Henry.
02:48Very best of luck in your search for a venue.
02:52Oh.
02:53Les, I'll be in my office.
02:55Oh, that was out of tune.
02:57I think we can do better than relying on luck.
03:04Oh, man, I can't believe how much I've slept.
03:07I've wasted most of the day.
03:09What? No, you ain't. It's only half ten.
03:12Oh, I've got half five.
03:14What? Man, you need a new watch.
03:16So, what are we doing tonight? It's our last night.
03:19Pride of Benidorm Awards, remember?
03:21These are all the deets.
03:23They were pushed under my door when I got up.
03:25Who do you think pushed under your door?
03:27The geezer we rescued.
03:28Geezer?
03:29When we climbed the mountain the other day.
03:31Oh, yeah, broke that mountain!
03:34Mate, you need to stop telling people I took you up broke that mountain.
03:39Anyway, the geezer we rescued can't be there tonight,
03:42but we have definitely been nominated.
03:44Tiger Dyke and Joey Ellis.
03:46Joint nomination, Hero of the Year award.
03:49Ty?
03:50Yeah, mate?
03:51You know when we came to Spain...
03:53Yeah?
03:54..and you told me to change my watch by one hour?
03:56Yeah.
03:57Well, just do that once, yeah?
04:00Not every day.
04:01Just once, mate.
04:02Cool.
04:09And as you were next on the resume,
04:12and as you were next on the reserve list,
04:14we are delighted to offer Georgie Dawson
04:16a place on the full-time performing arts course
04:19starting October 5th.
04:21Georgie, they've offered you a place!
04:23Yay! Yay!
04:24Oh, my God, amazing!
04:26Yay!
04:27Ooh!
04:28Yay!
04:29Colin!
04:30What did he mean, reserve list?
04:32Do you mean he didn't want her at first?
04:34Well done, my beautiful princess!
04:36Georgie, high-five.
04:37Yay! Yay! Yay!
04:39Somebody needs to give her a slap, she's hysterical.
04:42I'll give you a slap in a minute.
04:44I got in! I got in!
04:45Hey, what is going on here?
04:46Calm down, Georgie, calm down.
04:48I got in! I got in the stage school!
04:50You did, darling, you did get in because you're the best.
04:53Well, not quite the best.
04:55On the reserve list after one of the actual best dropped out.
04:59If you don't shut up, God help me,
05:01I'm going to smash your face in!
05:03Hey, hey, hey!
05:05There will be no smashing of faces and no screamers.
05:09This is a hotel, not the bin of loonies.
05:11Sorry, pal, she's got to be carried away.
05:13OK, but no more I'm-having-my-eyes-peeled-on-you.
05:17Sorry.
05:19Can I see? Can I see?
05:20There you go.
05:23That'll be dear.
05:24You can't put a price on talent.
05:26I bet they have put a price on it, and it'll be throat roof.
05:30How much is it?
05:31We'll talk about it later.
05:33It'll be cheaper if you talk about it later, will it, Dad?
05:37Rob, why don't you take Geordie for another swim?
05:40Come on, we'll do the scene from Titanic, do you know it?
05:42No. I'll teach you it.
05:54Well?
05:553,500.
05:573,500 grand a year?
05:59Shut up!
06:003,500 a year?
06:02A term.
06:03What?!
06:04Shut up!
06:06Don't be ridiculous.
06:08Look, we can always...
06:09No, absolutely not. No chance whatsoever.
06:13End of discussion.
06:27Enjoy some...
06:33Savage? What on earth's wrong?
06:35Crystal? Is that you?
06:39Of course it's me.
06:41Who else looks like this?
06:44Is this a recorded message?
06:46Videoconferencing, darling.
06:48Don't tell me you've never done it before.
06:50Can you see me?
06:52Yes.
06:53Can you see me?
06:55Yes.
06:56Can you see me?
06:57Yes.
06:58Can you see me?
06:59Yes.
07:00Can you see me?
07:01Yes.
07:02And I'll get straight to the point, Savage.
07:04I have had a call from my good friend Sir Henry
07:06at the British Consulate in Benidorm.
07:09Savage, will you pay attention?
07:11Yes, sorry, Crystal.
07:12Now, Sir Henry needs the use of our large function room
07:15this evening for an award show organised by the Town Hall.
07:18Yes, he did mention something along those lines.
07:21The problem is...
07:22The Mayor of Benidorm himself will be in attendance.
07:26Normally we'd love to help out, but...
07:28Right, I have a conference in Alicante this afternoon,
07:31but I should be with you before the show begins.
07:33You're coming here?
07:35Elvis will give you an in-depth ETA...
07:37I beg your pardon?
07:39Elvis, my driver, will be in touch to give you
07:42a more accurate estimated time of arrival.
07:45Oh, I see.
07:46Don't mess this up, Savage.
07:48Your job could well depend on it.
07:51BEEP
07:57So, yes, we are televised.
08:00Yes, the Mayor of Benidorm and the CEO of Solana Hotels Europe
08:04will be here, but if you manage to keep your head,
08:08heads will not roll, if you see what I mean.
08:12I think my staff are more than capable
08:15of running a simple awards ceremony.
08:17I think the key phrase here is, don't panic.
08:20Or, as Douglas Adams would have it,
08:22make sure one knows where one's towel is.
08:29I take it we have no Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy fans here?
08:34Who loves you?
08:39Sammy loves you.
08:41Sammy, Sammy, over here.
08:48Lady Harry didn't recognise you for clothes on.
08:51Lovely to see you.
08:52Look at you, I love what you've got on.
08:54Very you, very you, very you.
08:58This, as I'm sure many of you recognise, is Sammy Valentino,
09:03a local celebrity and TV personality
09:06who will be hosting tonight's show.
09:09Very funny man.
09:11Shut up, you old tart. Check's in the post.
09:13I know, I did not guarantee it.
09:15LAUGHTER
09:20So this is the Pride of Benidorm, huh?
09:23I think we should have gone to Lanzarote.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:33He really is an extremely funny man.
09:39Very good.
09:40OK, so if you'll all follow Sammy to the function room,
09:43I'll give you an initial briefing.
09:45Or a debriefing, if you're very lucky.
09:49Don't be shy, darling, your mother wasn't.
09:52I'm sorry, what did you say about my mother?
09:54Just a joke, I'm sure.
09:55Yeah, just, just, judging by that reaction.
09:57I hope this is not the audience for tonight
09:59if I have to be walking off the stage to the sound of my own footsteps.
10:02Surely not for the first time.
10:03Sorry, love? Nothing.
10:05Mr Mplesawis, what is going on?
10:07I did not understand one single word from this guy.
10:10Stop!
10:11LAUGHTER
10:13Mr Fawlty, Mr Fawlty, I no understand English.
10:18I from Barcelona, kitchen's on fire.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:23Oh, for the love...
10:25Right, then...
10:29Nice to see you, to see you.
10:33Nice!
10:36Well, look at the muck in here, look, Clark Gable.
10:39Well, I'm Cocker Whoop.
10:44Right, which way to the stage, then?
10:46This way? Please, walk this way.
10:48Don't walk this way, you've got to walk this way.
10:50Don't mention the war!
10:52That's funny, boys.
10:55Stick your rights up them!
11:05Sorry for shouting.
11:10I'm not sorry for what I said,
11:12but I am sorry for the way I said it.
11:18Where is everyone?
11:19I've no idea.
11:21It's our last day, we should all be together.
11:23That's true.
11:24I bet they're gutted they're not here to soak up this lovely atmosphere.
11:27Sharon, look...
11:28No, I won't look, and I certainly won't listen.
11:30You've had your last say on the matter, and that's fine.
11:33I am going to find the money to put our daughter through stage school.
11:36For God's sake...
11:37Don't you dare!
11:38Don't you dare take that patronising tone with me!
11:41How are you going to get £10,000?
11:43Rob a bank? You haven't got a gun, have you?
11:45No, I haven't.
11:46You should be extremely relieved about that.
11:48I'm just being practical.
11:49What's your favourite song?
11:51What?
11:52What is your favourite song of all time?
11:54I don't know.
11:55What if I had that gun pointing to your head
11:57and said you could listen to one last song before you die,
12:00what would it be?
12:01Relax.
12:02I am relaxed, I'm asking you a question.
12:04No, relax, by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
12:06By Frankie Goes To Hollywood?
12:07So, what...
12:09Really?
12:10Yeah, top tune.
12:12So, what if Holly Johnson's parents,
12:14when he said he wanted to be a singer,
12:15what if they said,
12:16no, we don't support you, we're not going to help you,
12:18you've got to work in a shoe shop?
12:20There is a slight difference.
12:21Tell me the difference.
12:22Holly Johnson can sing.
12:28Sharon!
12:30Sharon!
12:31Sharon!
12:35And I'm sitting there,
12:37and Sinatra starts walking towards me,
12:40and I'm chatting away.
12:42He walks up to me and he says,
12:43Sammy, how's it going?
12:45And I say, piss off, Frank, can't you see I'm with a bird?
12:55Bloody hell, don't tell me.
12:56Who's Frank Sinatra?
12:58I know who Frank Sinatra is.
13:00I think I laughed the first time I heard that joke.
13:02Sometime in the 70s.
13:03Yeah, right, Gomez, keep your hair on.
13:05My name's Les, not Gomez.
13:09Whatever.
13:10Why don't you pop back to your coffin,
13:11so I'm eating sweet cheese
13:12and go through the drill for tonight, eh?
13:14I think I may just steal you.
13:16I'm fine, Les, believe me.
13:18You sure?
13:19Yeah.
13:20Well, all right, I'll see yous later.
13:22Yes, bye-bye, adios, Auf Wiedersehen,
13:24part of this heart-sweet sorrow,
13:26bye, right now.
13:28Look, if you don't need me here,
13:29I have got other work I can be doing.
13:31I'll tell you what you can do for me.
13:32You can hand out some of these tickets,
13:34some of the more attractive people of Benidorm.
13:36Now, I know that's a bit of a tall order,
13:38but I do not like an ugly front row.
13:43No, we do not want an ugly front row.
13:45Do we?
13:46No, we do not.
13:48Not a problem.
13:49Lovely.
13:50Whoa!
13:51Remember, straight back.
13:53I've got a lot of planning to do for tonight.
13:55And remember, Sammy loves you!
14:00So, back to reality tomorrow?
14:03Yeah, gutted, man, totally gutted.
14:07You're back to work on Monday?
14:09Work?
14:10No, mate, didn't I tell you?
14:12I forgot to tell them I was coming on holiday.
14:14And when I remembered the day before,
14:16they said if I went, they'd replace me, so...
14:19And you still came on holiday?
14:21Yeah, man, I didn't want to let you down,
14:23plus I was looking forward to it.
14:25So what are you going to do for a job?
14:27I don't know.
14:28Something will turn up, I guess.
14:30Another drink?
14:32Yeah, mate, cool.
14:33May as well get around in while I can still afford it.
14:36Did you get it?
14:39The drinks are free here.
14:41Yeah, nice one.
14:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's cool, thanks.
14:48Listen, Dad, just a quick one.
14:51Have we got any vacancies at the moment?
14:55Unskilled?
14:57No.
14:58No vacancies?
14:59No.
15:00No vacancies?
15:01No.
15:02No vacancies?
15:03No.
15:04No vacancies?
15:05No.
15:06No vacancies?
15:07No.
15:08No vacancies?
15:09No.
15:10No vacancies?
15:11No.
15:12Unskilled?
15:13Definitely unskilled.
15:19A beautiful drink for a beautiful lady.
15:22Oh, shove it.
15:29What an absolute arsehole.
15:31Oh, you served her too?
15:33What?
15:34No, man, what's his name in there?
15:36Oh, Sammy Vaselino.
15:38You're right, he is an arsehole.
15:41Oh, Matthew, before I forget, are you still looking for somewhere to live?
15:44Yes, you know somewhere?
15:46When Liam left Benidorm, his two flatmates didn't get anybody else to take his room.
15:50But now they've started to feel the pinch.
15:53Pinch?
15:54They need a flatmate.
15:55How much?
15:5650 euros a week, all in.
15:59All in to what?
16:00I mean, including bills.
16:02Liam's flatmates?
16:04Hmm, I'm not sure.
16:06Who are they?
16:07Two dancers in their early 20s from the Benidorm Palace.
16:10I need this room.
16:11Shall I tell them that you're in?
16:12Yes.
16:13How do you mean?
16:14No bother, I'll let them know.
16:21What are you doing here in the shade?
16:23Got it all worked out.
16:24What?
16:25Geordie's school fees.
16:27Oh, Sharon.
16:28Listen, in this way your dad doesn't have to live in the caravan.
16:32So we sell the caravan, that's got to be worth six grand.
16:36That's almost the first two terms.
16:38And the last term comes from charging your dad rent to live with us.
16:41300 per calendar month, that's...
16:43Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a minute.
16:45Charge me dad rent?
16:46Well, he said he doesn't want to stay in the caravan.
16:48If he went somewhere else, he'd have to pay rent.
16:50Do you want me to charge me own dad rent to stay in our house?
16:54Better he pays us than someone else he doesn't know.
16:57Right, let's just imagine he did pay rent.
16:59How long's this course?
17:00Three years.
17:01So where's the other 20 grand coming from?
17:03Have you got another four caravans you didn't tell me about?
17:06It's a dream.
17:07I know it is, I know it is.
17:09But it's just the wrong time with Rob going to uni and that.
17:12Just because we can't send her to this school right now
17:15doesn't mean she won't follow her dreams.
17:18If she's got the talent, you think she has, then it'll happen.
17:24But we can't afford this stage school.
17:28It'll break her heart.
17:31I'll make it up to her, somehow.
17:34Come on.
17:37Come on.
17:43I want you to know, Sir Henry,
17:45you may have won the battle, but you will not win the war.
17:48I'm sorry?
17:49I told you we did not have the resources to host your evening.
17:53And you completely ignored me and went over my head.
17:56Joyce, I need to apologise about that.
17:59But you must understand, I was at my wits' end.
18:02My back was against the wall and I panicked.
18:05But I need you to know that I find you terribly attractive
18:09and I would never normally do anything to undermine your authority
18:12or interrupt the day-to-day running
18:14of your extremely impressive operation here at the Salana.
18:17What did you say?
18:19I was at my wits' end.
18:21My back was against the wall.
18:23No, not that.
18:25I would never undermine your authority?
18:28Something about an impressive operation?
18:30You said you find me terribly attractive.
18:33Oh, yes.
18:35Yes, I did say that.
18:37Well, you've never said anything like that before.
18:39Oh, I have. To my ex-wife.
18:42Although that was in the early 80s when I was drinking rather heavily.
18:45No, I mean to me.
18:47Oh, well.
18:49One has to occasionally throw one's keys onto the table.
18:57Speaking metaphorically.
18:59Oh, of course.
19:01Perhaps we should continue this conversation another time.
19:05Somewhere slightly more appropriate.
19:08Maybe I could take you up the consulate.
19:10On a first date?
19:12I'm sorry.
19:14Oh, see, sorry, yes, yes.
19:17That would be delightful.
19:19Well, I'd better get on.
19:21We have Peter Andre booked for the cabaret.
19:23Must make sure nothing goes wrong there.
19:25We booked him before. Really?
19:27Peter Andre? Yes, we had him in Neptune's a couple of years ago.
19:30Heavens.
19:32And I thought we had something of a scoop.
19:34Never mind.
19:36I'll call him and make sure he gives you an extra special performance.
19:39Yes, thank you.
19:42Until this evening.
19:46All right, no problem if you've got an evening planned.
19:48I just thought I'd ask what you were doing as it's our last night.
19:51Why don't you come to the scene tonight? You might win an award.
19:54Joe, he won't win an award.
19:56Well, what sort of attitude is that?
19:58He ain't been nominated.
20:00I'll nominate him. Shut up.
20:03Come if you want, it might be good.
20:05Hello.
20:07I don't suppose you've got plans for tonight, have you?
20:09Oh, I did, but I'll cancel them for you, no problem.
20:12I've got free tickets for the Pride of Manidome Awards.
20:15Oh, we're going. Me and Joey have been nominated.
20:18Really? Yeah.
20:20We could all go for a drink, Arthur, if you want.
20:22I've got arrangements after the show.
20:26See you later.
20:33Shut up! How did you manage that?
20:35We're just going for a drink.
20:37Looks like I'll see you guys later after all.
20:40Oh, my God, you'll never guess what.
20:42Rob's got a date with Amber tonight.
20:44I think I'll go for a swim. Last one, innit?
20:47Yeah, man.
20:49Hey, Joe, everything all right?
20:51Yeah, everything's cool, mate.
20:56DOOR OPENS
21:02Jacqueline?
21:04Oh, hello.
21:06Can I join you?
21:08If you want to.
21:14Listen, I might have got wrong end of stick,
21:18but have I offended you in any way?
21:21No, no, you haven't.
21:24It's just that last night,
21:26I could have swore you'd given me a cold shoulder.
21:28I was just a bit tired.
21:30I really enjoyed night before.
21:33You know what time we spent together?
21:35Eddie, I feel a bit silly, but...
21:39Well, I came out here yesterday
21:42and I saw you flirting with that manageress.
21:45I don't know why it bothered me.
21:47We hardly know each other.
21:50But, well...
21:53I suppose I just feel a bit vulnerable.
21:57I feel strange being on my own after all these years.
22:01I know what you mean.
22:03That feeling of starting again.
22:05It don't feel right at our age, does it?
22:08I can't help feeling
22:10my Donald would have coped a lot better on his own
22:13if I'd been the first to go.
22:15From what you told me, he sounded a real character.
22:19Oh, he was.
22:21Do you know, he used to say something
22:25that I always thought was out of character for him.
22:29From the moment we're born, we start to die.
22:34But now I understand.
22:37The clock is ticking from the word go.
22:41We need to live life to the full
22:44and take all the opportunities it offers.
22:48You can't go through life thinking,
22:51what if? Do you know what I mean?
22:54I do.
22:57I do know what you mean.
22:59Buenos dias.
23:01Buenos dias.
23:03Buenos dias.
23:05Buenos dias.
23:07What are you...?
23:09What are you doing here?
23:11Joyce, I just picked up my tickets
23:13from the Benidorm Palace for tonight
23:16and I'm hosting the awards here.
23:18Yes, I'm just helping out an old friend.
23:20Not Sir Henry.
23:22Who? Oh, yes, kind of.
23:24He's an absolute bastard, you know that, don't you?
23:27Really? I don't like to speak ill of others.
23:30Yes, I can see that.
23:32But he is an absolute bastard
23:35and a womaniser.
23:37Really? Oh, yes.
23:39He's been through more middle-aged women than Gordon's gym.
23:42I'd steer very well clear of that one if I were you.
23:45But that's enough about him.
23:47I'm here to talk about us. Us?
23:49Do you mind?
23:56Joyce, I've been thinking
23:59maybe I was a bit hasty leaving the other night.
24:01Monty, I had no idea what you were talking about
24:04when you ran off.
24:06All I know is we were supposed to be spending some time together
24:10and I spent the evening on my balcony alone.
24:13So it was a misunderstanding.
24:15Monty, I've got to get on.
24:17Joyce, would you do me the honour of accompanying me
24:21to the Pride of Benidorm Awards tonight?
24:24Maybe pop in to Mr Wu's after?
24:27A la carte? Chips and rice?
24:30No.
24:32Oh, I don't mince your words.
24:34I'm sorry, Monty, I have a hotel to run.
24:36I'm sure I'll see you at some point.
24:38I'll be in and out all night.
24:44I was hoping for something similar myself.
24:52You came in
24:56That's what my little heart was looking for
25:00Laughter in the rain
25:04Feeling like a fool in love again
25:08I think I understand.
25:11Well, the problem is, with the mix-up with this reserve list,
25:14they sent the wrong email out.
25:17I'm so sorry, darling.
25:20Your grandad's still buying you that karaoke machine, aren't you?
25:23It's all painful.
25:26I'm glad they made a mistake.
25:28What do you mean?
25:30Well, even though I'd love to go,
25:32it wouldn't be fair on you and my dad
25:34because it's such a lot of money.
25:41So, is it all right if I go to this awards thing, then?
25:49Hello?
25:52Ladies and gentlemen,
25:54senors and...
25:56What is it?
25:57Senoritas,
25:59welcome to the Pride of Benidorm Awards.
26:02Will you please welcome your host,
26:04TV's own Sammy Valentino.
26:07Thank you!
26:10Woo-hoo!
26:12Thank you!
26:14Thank you, muchas gracias!
26:16Please don't. Please don't stop.
26:19Oh, you have.
26:21Do we have a show for you this evening?
26:24Yeah. Do we have a show?
26:26Yeah, cos nobody tells me nothing round here, you know.
26:28But before we do carry on with tonight's proceedings,
26:30there's one woman I'd like to thank.
26:32Please give a big round of applause for the lovely Joyce Savage-Temple.
26:36Yes, the manageress of the salon.
26:38The manageress of the Solana Hotel
26:41that stepped in at the very last minute
26:43and gave us this, um...
26:45This...
26:47What exactly is this place?
26:49It's like a cross between a village hall and DFS.
26:55Actually, between us, I had a bit of lunch today with Joyce.
26:58Yeah, we had lunch. She looked across the table, she said,
27:01Sammy, how do you fancy a quickie?
27:03I looked her in the eye and I said,
27:05Joyce, I think you might have misread the menu.
27:08All right, boys, we won, yeah?
27:10It's just starting.
27:12Well, without further ado, it's time for our very first award!
27:17CHEERING
27:19Who loves you?
27:21MUSIC PLAYS
27:28Lovely new singer.
27:30Oh, I know, he's fabulous.
27:32It's Marc Marcus, the Lionel Richie of Benidorm.
27:34There you go, Kenneth. Another toad in the hole.
27:37Thank you, Miss Conroy.
27:39Will you be wanting another puddin' as well?
27:41Leslie, I think two toad in the holes and a jambroni poli's enough for any man.
27:44Even one who's worked as hard as I have today.
27:46I'm not a pig.
27:48It's not on the menu, but there's a bit of spotted dick left over from yesterday.
27:51Oh, you temptress.
27:53Come on, then, just a bit. Plenty of custard.
27:55HE CHUCKLES
27:57Hey, good young singer, this. Stick around.
27:59Might be someone else you like later, too.
28:01Oh, champion.
28:03MUSIC CONTINUES
28:15I must admit, you have both worked very hard today.
28:18Well, we had to. We rushed off our feet.
28:21Hey, Kenneth, any news on that stylist you had recommended?
28:24All in good time, Troy. All in good time.
28:26And thank you to all my patients,
28:28to the ones who lived and also to the ones who died.
28:32I could not have done this without you.
28:34You are my inspiration.
28:36You are the wind beneath my wings.
28:39Thank you. Muchas gracias.
28:41Yeah, thank you, Dr Lugo. Oh, thank you!
28:44Ah, yeah, Dr Lugo there.
28:46The next award is... Oh!
28:48Oh, we like this one.
28:50It's the Hero Award, an award recognising bravery and courage
28:54in the face of adversity.
28:57I should be in the running for that one, shouldn't I?
29:00And now for the nominations for our next award.
29:04Can we have a warm hand on her entrance?
29:07Stop it!
29:10Amber!
29:12Woo, Amber! Amber's here, everybody!
29:17Amber.
29:19Ba... Amber.
29:22Just waiting for her to give me the green light.
29:26Sammy loves you.
29:28Go on, get off the stage. Off the stage.
29:30My show, my rules. Amber. Lovely lady.
29:33OK, right.
29:35The nominations for the Hero Award are as follows.
29:39Juan Carlos Escribano.
29:43Victor Marquez.
29:45Tiger Dyke and Joey Ellis.
29:47A couple of local lads there. Wonderful.
29:49And the winner is...
29:52The winner is...
29:55Drumroll.
29:58Bit of flamenco for the locals.
30:01The winner, or should I say the winners are...
30:04Tiger Dyke and Joey Ellis!
30:07For rescuing a fellow mountaineer on the Sierra Jalada here in Benidorm.
30:13And here to present the award is Benidorm's very own mayor,
30:19Augustin Navarro!
30:21Woo, woo, woo!
30:30Yes! Wonderful.
30:33I am so sorry, Peter. I came as soon as you called.
30:36Is there a problem? Joyce, will you please tell this man
30:40that I have been booked for this show?
30:42Well, of course you booked. I confirmed it myself.
30:44Thank you. I've got Lady Gaga sitting in my van,
30:47one show down thanks to me taking on this solo gig.
30:49Oh, hi, mate. You must be Henry. Sorry I'm late.
30:52Gordon, what the hell are you doing here?
30:54I'm sorry, Spencer. I was here first.
30:56Don't call me Spencer when I'm in character, OK?
30:58It's Peter. My name is Peter.
30:59I'm sorry, when we made the booking,
31:01we stressed we wanted the original Peter Andre.
31:03That's me, Henry. Yeah, I am the original Peter Andre.
31:06Five years in Benidorm and still going strong.
31:08No, the one and only Peter Andre.
31:10That's me. The one and only Peter Andre.
31:12Joyce, can you sort this out, please?
31:15I turned down a wedding in Pollock for this.
31:17I didn't know there were two Peter Andres in Benidorm.
31:20There's only one Peter Andre tribute act in Benidorm and I am he.
31:24We didn't want a tribute act.
31:26For goodness' sake, we've had this before.
31:28We've got four Olly Murs tributes in Benidorm.
31:31Not one is under 40.
31:33There's only one way to sort this out.
31:36Let's hear you both sing. Why?
31:38I stop and stare at you Walking on the shore
31:42I try to concentrate My mind wants to explore
31:46What kind of accent's that, mate? Shut up!
31:48The tropical scent of you Takes me up above
31:52And, girl, when I look at you...
31:54That's enough, enough. It wasn't terrible.
31:58It's your turn. I don't have to compete with that, do I?
32:01Fine, I'll go on. No, it's OK.
32:03I'll go, I'll go, I'll go.
32:07We're waiting. Yeah, I know.
32:10Oh, mysterious girl
32:15I want to get close to you
32:18Oh, mysterious girl
32:22Move your body close to mine
32:25I'm sorry, do you have a second, sir? I wasn't finished.
32:28Girl, you are me heart's desire
32:30And you alone you set me so upon fire
32:32Me tell them. Girl, you are me heart's desire
32:35And you alone... Watch this.
32:38Who are you doing now?
32:40Bob LaRange. Still the rap in that song.
32:42Two for the price of one. You can't argue with that.
32:44I'm not being funny, mate. You don't look anything like Peter.
32:46And this is clearly a wig.
32:48Oi, what do you think you're doing?
32:50Oh, get her off!
32:52No, no, just fancy you!
32:55Fancy me, fancy me!
32:58For goodness sake, will the real Peter Andre please stand up?
33:02See? Told you it was a wig.
33:06Come on, mate, get up.
33:08Matt, come on.
33:10OK, come on, copper, wake up.
33:14Seriously, wake up.
33:18Oh, shit.
33:20Where are you going?
33:27Well, unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately,
33:29we are coming to the end of our evening.
33:31Oh, yes, I know.
33:33Who loves you? Who loves you?
33:35Sammy loves you, that's right.
33:37And normally somebody will tell me what's about to go...
33:40It doesn't matter.
33:41Because normally what happens,
33:43I'll stand with my back to the curtain like this
33:45and somebody will give me a little poking.
33:51Can't touch you for it.
33:53Oh, there it goes.
33:55Only hurts the first time.
33:58What are we supposed to do now?
34:00Thank God Crystal never turned up. I could lose my job over this.
34:03Savage!
34:05What the hell is going on here?
34:07Hello, Henry.
34:09Crystal, you came.
34:11What is that idiot on the stage babbling all about?
34:15I'm so sorry, Crystal.
34:17I think he's just trying to fill in while we sort out the final act.
34:20Well, where is the final act?
34:22That's in there.
34:24That's in there?
34:27You mean you have no act to close the show with?
34:30I don't suppose you could give us a tune, could you?
34:45Hey, Mario, did you pay your deposit for the flat?
34:48Yes, I paid into the bank account you gave me.
34:51It's going to be a hard life living with two 20-year-old dancers,
34:54but it is a crossover I will have to bear.
34:57Champion. George and Fred are coming in tonight.
34:59Who's George and Fred?
35:01In your flat, Mitch.
35:04Yes, sir.
35:07The French are glad to die for love
35:12They delight in fighting duels
35:18But I prefer a man who lives and gives expensive jewels
35:29A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
35:34But diamonds are a girl's best friend
35:39A kiss may be grand
35:42But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat
35:46Or help you at the automat
35:49Men grow cold as girls grow old
35:53And we all lose our charms in the end
35:58But square cut or pear shape
36:01Those rocks don't lose their shape
36:03Diamonds are a girl's best friend
36:09Tiffany's!
36:12Cartier!
36:16Beck, Starr, Ross, Gorham, talk to me, Harry Winston.
36:19Tell me all about it.
36:21Who is she?
36:23I don't know. She's good, though.
36:25Yeah, man?
36:28Listen, Joe.
36:30Yeah, Tad?
36:32Mate, I got an email from my dad saying he offered you a job.
36:35Yeah, he did as it goes.
36:38But you turned him down.
36:40Yeah, it's not really what I'm looking for at the moment.
36:44What are you looking for?
36:46Tiger, I've really enjoyed this holiday, but I admit,
36:51I'm not the brightest person.
36:53And I know I sometimes get things wrong.
36:56But I think at times I've embarrassed you on this holiday
37:00and I wouldn't want to do that to you at work as well.
37:02Mate, what are you talking about?
37:04Like today when he told me to shut up and, well,
37:07I really like hanging with you, man,
37:09and I don't want to ruin our friendship.
37:11I didn't say shut up.
37:13I mean, when I said shut up, I just mean shut up, not shut up.
37:16Shut up?
37:18Serious?
37:19Oh, my days. I thought you were mad with me.
37:22Oh, don't be stupid.
37:24Hey, don't call me stupid.
37:26Jokes.
37:29Jokes.
37:34So, you'll take the job?
37:36Yeah, man, I'm not a complete idiot.
37:42..are a girl's best friend
37:47Best friend
37:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:59Oh, she's so sweet.
38:01Thank you so much.
38:05Say dress again, savage.
38:14He's fine, but he may have concussion.
38:16We've called an ambulance.
38:18Henry, I don't know who your mate is,
38:20but she's tearing the place apart!
38:22Oh, is it all right if I go, Joyce?
38:25My shift finished half an hour ago.
38:27Yes, of course.
38:28No, no, no.
38:30We've got part of the show, the big finale.
38:32We've got to do the big bow at the end.
38:34I'm fine. You can have my share of the applause.
38:36I think you'll find it was a suggestion, love.
38:38She said she doesn't want to.
38:40Oh, look, it speaks!
38:42Let go of her.
38:44Why don't I sing Swanee River and you can jump in it, all right?
38:47You know what I said, let go of her.
38:49Oh!
38:51Oh, God.
38:53Oh!
38:55What are you, wet?
38:58Oh, you stink!
39:00And now to start our karaoke,
39:02Kenneth and a very special guest.
39:15I'm so alone
39:17My love without you
39:24You're part of everything I do
39:32When you come back
39:34And you're beside me
39:40These are the words I'll say to you
39:47Well, I'm home
39:52Welcome
39:56Come on in
40:00And close the door
40:04You've been gone
40:08Too long
40:12Welcome
40:16You're home once more
40:20So, basically, I'm staying here for a couple more weeks.
40:23What do you mean, you're staying here?
40:25I don't know what part of that you don't understand.
40:28I'm extending my holiday.
40:30You can't stay here on your own.
40:32Who said I was staying here on my own?
40:39And before you say anything, we're just friends.
40:42So it's two weeks here, then back to Leeds,
40:44to house-sit for Ron Pickford.
40:46Ron Pickford?
40:47Yeah, you know Ron Pickford.
40:48All my gear's in his garage.
40:50He's off on a round-the-world cruise.
40:52Three months?
40:53Three months.
40:56Then I'd rather be at uni.
40:57Well, then, if I've not found somewhere to live by then,
41:00maybe I can come and stay with you for a few weeks.
41:03You can come and stay with us for as long as you like, Eddie.
41:06Do you mean that, Sharon?
41:08Yeah, I do.
41:10Well, you might be glad at company,
41:12because I'm paying for our Geordie to go to state school.
41:16Grandad, do you mean it?
41:18No, you can't.
41:19Dad, I've made up my mind.
41:21We need to live life to the full
41:23and take all the opportunities it offers.
41:26We can't go through life thinking,
41:28what if?
41:29Thank you, Grandad.
41:30I love you.
41:36I love you too, kid.
41:39Now, whose round is it?
41:46It's all yours.
41:51Welcome home
41:56Welcome
42:00Come on in
42:04And close the door
42:08You've been gone
42:12Too long
42:16Welcome
42:20I'm home once more
42:29Hi, Dad.
42:32APPLAUSE
42:49So, why didn't you say you were coming back, young'un?
42:52Why just tell someone you're coming home and you can say it in a song?
42:55So, what's going on? You've given up your job in Madrid?
42:58Well, I've given them four weeks' notice,
43:00but I haven't saved as much money as I thought I would.
43:02Can I stay with you for a bit?
43:03A bit?
43:04Just you try leaving.
43:06Come here.
43:09I've missed you, Dad.
43:11I've missed you too much.
43:13I've missed you all too much.
43:15Liam, this is your prospective new boss, Troy.
43:20Hello, Troy.
43:22Interview tomorrow morning?
43:24No need.
43:25You come highly recommended.
43:28Drinks. We all need a drink.
43:33Hey, you happy to have a new flatmate, yeah?
43:37Oh, couldn't be happier.
43:39And look, here's your new flatmates, George and Fred.
43:46Leslie, I think I made a mistake.
43:49I have nothing against the Mufalatas, but maybe I'll look for somewhere else to stay.
43:54Not them. Them.
43:56Georgina and Esther.
43:58They call her Fred, as in Fred Esther. Get it?
44:02I certainly hope so.
44:06Come on.
44:17Joyce.
44:19I couldn't find you at the awards.
44:21Monty, I told you I'd be in and out all night.
44:25You look absolutely exhausted. You're sweating.
44:28Horses sweat, Monty. Women glow.
44:31Well, come and sit down. You're glowing like a pig.
44:37Now, Joyce, I want you to know my intentions are honourable.
44:44Monty, I think I've made a decision.
44:47I enjoy my life and I love my job,
44:51but men are not for me.
44:55Good Lord, Joyce, I don't wish to appear rude,
44:58but don't you think you've left it a bit late in the day to start boarding the lady train?
45:03I said men are not for me. I didn't mean... For goodness sake!
45:06Oh, no, I see.
45:08I see you're choosing a single life.
45:12For now.
45:15I understand.
45:18Joyce, if you change your mind, I'll be here.
45:25One last dance?
45:28Why not?
45:45Oh!
45:50Good night. God bless you. Thank you very much.
46:14Yeah!