• 4 months ago
Transcript
00:00♪
00:27Morning.
00:28Oh, morning.
00:31Have you recovered?
00:33Recovered?
00:34From last night.
00:36Your Geoff, he got a bit upset.
00:39Did he?
00:40Don't you remember?
00:43You mean the quiz?
00:45Oh, you know how competitive he gets.
00:48No, that wasn't him upset.
00:51He once met the bloke who sets the time.
00:54He once met the bloke who sets the time's crossword
00:57and he threw him under a bus.
00:59Threw him under a bus?
01:01Was it moving?
01:03Well, his wife got a bit teary.
01:06No, I meant was the bus moving?
01:09Oh, no, it were in the York Transport Museum.
01:12He's not a psychopath.
01:17How's Ronald?
01:18Ronald?
01:19Your husband.
01:21Oh, you mean Donald.
01:23That's it.
01:24He's fine.
01:25He's on holiday in France.
01:27Oh.
01:28We're nearly out of sunscreen.
01:30What side do you want your towel?
01:32Oh, I can't lay down on there.
01:34I think I'll get some breakfast.
01:36My back's in absolute agony after last night.
01:40Morning.
01:41Morning?
01:43Who's that?
01:45Oh, that's Glyn.
01:47Donald's on holiday with his wife, Rhiannon.
01:50Oh, I see.
01:52So you've done like a swap?
01:55Yeah, just for a week, you know.
01:58He didn't look very happy about it.
02:00Well, I think he's a bit bored sitting round the pool.
02:05He's a very physical man.
02:08Is he now?
02:09Oh, yes.
02:11Right, I'd better get something hot inside me.
02:16Glyn says he's going to run me ragged today.
02:21Oh, good luck.
02:23See you.
02:40Go away.
02:45Housekeeping.
02:47What are you doing? I said go away.
02:49Well, I thought we needed a breakfast meeting.
02:51Oh.
02:52So I brought a selection of cereals, a jug of juice and two full English.
02:56I don't want an English breakfast.
02:59No, that's for me. Liam's brought you a croissant.
03:01No butter. We know you're watching your figure.
03:03How dare you burst in here? I could have been naked.
03:05Oh, don't worry about Liam.
03:07I know he looks 12, but he's seen it all before, haven't you, love?
03:09Well...
03:10Now, I've spoken to the doctor and he says that you're doing OK,
03:13but he needs to know exactly what was in that injection.
03:15So I'm off to the Chinese shop with a box
03:17to see if he can translate the contents.
03:19I've cancelled all our appointments for today.
03:21You are our number one priority.
03:23Liam, four sausages, are you trying to kill me?
03:25You asked for them.
03:27Oh, you're looking so much better than you did last night.
03:30I haven't slept a wink, I don't know what it is,
03:32but I can't help feeling partly responsible.
03:34Partly responsible?
03:36You've repeatedly injected my face with an unknown substance
03:40put from the Chinese palm shop!
03:42It's your rose. Shut up! Sorry.
03:44Oh, it couldn't have been anything.
03:46I've just seen a woman on the internet who nearly died
03:49when her face was injected with petrol.
03:51Well, we wouldn't have done that.
03:53Not with the price of petrol these days.
03:55That's why I'm off to the shop, to get her translation.
03:58Oh, and remember, love, don't go in all guns blazing.
04:00There are very proud people, the Chinese,
04:02and they will be devastated if they've given us
04:04something dangerous by mistake.
04:08Konichiwa.
04:10Oh, is that the Kofi and Anna Benedum?
04:12Oh!
04:14How's the wounded soldier?
04:16Right, that's it. Get out, all of you. Get out!
04:18I just wanted to ask, while you're temporarily incapacitated,
04:22shall I assume the position of acting manageress?
04:25After the pig's ear you made of it last time, you must be joking.
04:29Well, somebody's got to be in charge,
04:31else we're all going to descend into chaos.
04:33This place is in chaos 24-7.
04:36Do you really think anybody's going to notice the difference?
04:39Now get out!
04:42Get out!
04:50I left you a sausage.
04:52Get out!
04:57It's not actually bad, this food.
04:59You reckon?
05:00Well, there's plenty of it.
05:02Mind you, that's a problem with all you can eat.
05:04You keep wanting to go back for more, don't you?
05:06Oh, back in a minute.
05:08What's going on there, then?
05:10Aunty Terry shagged the barman last night.
05:12Oh, dear God!
05:14What's wrong with that? She's on her holiday, she's single.
05:17What if they try and sue us?
05:19Why would they sue us?
05:21I don't know. Mental anguish.
05:26What's the matter last night?
05:28Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge.
05:30You are?
05:32I accept your apology. It's not a problem.
05:34I didn't apologise.
05:36I was just going to ask you if you wanted to join me
05:38in making a formal complaint.
05:40About what?
05:42Basically, I'm on the board of directors
05:45for the UK Pub Quiz Watchdog Committee.
05:48Now, we don't have a lot of jurisdiction in Europe,
05:51but I'm pretty sure I can get a strongly worded caution
05:54emailed over to them by the end of today.
05:56What are you going on about?
05:58He wants to complain about the quiz last night.
06:00Basically.
06:02Oh, yeah, what, conducting a quiz without due care and attention?
06:06I think they should all be lined up against the wall and shot.
06:10And their families made to watch.
06:12Excellent. Glad we're on the same page.
06:16I'm Geoff. People call me the Oracle.
06:19Clive, this is my son, Tiger.
06:23Cool. Cool.
06:26Maybe we can all grab a cold one together over lunch.
06:29Not often I meet someone who's as passionate about quizzing as myself.
06:32Yeah, lovely.
06:35Line up!
06:38Oh, my God!
06:40What a dick!
06:42I just want to say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
06:46I have never been to Vegas. No, I mean it's a saying.
06:49I know it is a saying, but I have still never been to Vegas.
06:52But I meant it about me and you last night in Benidorm.
06:55Why didn't you say in Benidorm?
06:57Because what happens in Benidorm stays in Benidorm, isn't it a saying?
07:00It's what happens in Vegas stays in...
07:02Bloody hell. You're hard work, you, ain't you?
07:04Listen, I have to be careful. Nobody hears this conversation.
07:07That is what I'm saying.
07:09I realise you can get in trouble, you know, for fraternising with the guests.
07:13So I'm here to tell you, you've got this one on tap.
07:17On tap? Yeah, baby.
07:19If you want another slice of Mama's pie, you just call room service
07:23and I'll deliver it straight to your door, all hot and steaming.
07:28No questions asked.
07:30You blackmail me and make me sleep with you so I can keep my job.
07:33So now I have eaten the pie and feel lucky I did not get food poisoning,
07:37even though the pie was out of date.
07:39You can't say that to me. I want to speak to your boss.
07:42I don't believe it. Have you seen this email?
07:44Temple Savage has put you in charge.
07:47What? I know, it's unbelievable.
07:50I'm the boss? Not exactly the boss,
07:52but, well, she's put you in charge while she's not feeling well.
07:55Excuse me, I have to leave right now, but if you have any complaints...
07:59Well, make sure you ask for the boss.
08:05Leslie, I will be in my office.
08:13It is just not possible, sorry.
08:15What part of this are you having difficulty understanding?
08:18I want to exchange currency, money, you know? Money.
08:22Buenos dias.
08:24There is a complication?
08:27I need to exchange some money.
08:29I am begging your pardons. My name is Mr Castellanos.
08:32I am being the manager of the hotel.
08:34I am in charge of the hotel. The entire hotel.
08:38Manager, top position, there is nobody higher.
08:41Euros, I need euros.
08:43This is not being a problem.
08:45Please furniture me with the key of your room.
08:47I'm not staying at this hotel.
08:49Ah, then we have a slight drawbridge.
08:51The change of currency is only for residentials.
08:54May I suggest you try Locky Cave's money exchange in the caravan park?
08:59But a word of warning, he has the sticky fingers.
09:02If you don't change this money now,
09:04I'm going to take that donkey and shove it so far up your...
09:07What are you doing here?
09:09Liam, I wanted to surprise you.
09:13Go inside. I'll make us a cup of tea.
09:17Do you know this crazy woman?
09:19Yeah, I do. She's my mother.
09:25I'm sorry.
09:30Problem is not to translate, but I don't know the meanings of the words.
09:34You don't need a Chinese restaurant. You need a Chinese doctor.
09:37I know.
09:39Don't suppose you got a doctor in your family, have you?
09:41Of course. My sister.
09:43But she is living outside of Benidorm.
09:45How far outside Benidorm?
09:47About 10,000 kilometers.
09:49She in China.
09:54LAUGHTER
10:00I make joke.
10:02Hilarious.
10:03What are you doing? You're taking my box back.
10:05Wait. Sit down.
10:08You are lucky man.
10:10I have incredible special ability with my sister.
10:14If I hold something in my hand like this,
10:18she can see it, even though she in Beijing.
10:21How do you do that?
10:23It's called iPhone.
10:25LAUGHTER
10:28Very good.
10:34I send my email.
10:36She always answer in 10, 15 minutes.
10:39You want a buffet while you wait?
10:41No, I better not. I just had a very late break.
10:44Oh, bloody hell.
10:46That smells gorgeous.
10:48Go on then.
10:50Just one plateful.
10:52OK. Email sent.
10:54Remember, Kenneth.
10:56Mr Wu's golden rule.
10:58Don't eat like a big fat pig
11:01or you put me out of business.
11:03LAUGHTER
11:05Lunatic.
11:12There you go. Very strong. No milk, no sugar.
11:15Well, try not to look too excited to see me.
11:17Mother, you don't return my emails.
11:19You never answer my texts.
11:21I kept trying to ring you months ago.
11:23Excuse me if I'm not a bit surprised to see you tip up in Spain unannounced.
11:26Emails, texts, you know I don't understand them.
11:29I'm here to see you, love. I miss you.
11:32No, you don't.
11:34What do you want?
11:36Don't you speak to me like that. I'm your mother.
11:41Son, it's time to come home.
11:44I am home. This is where I live.
11:46You can't fritter your life away on your own in this dump.
11:50I'm with my dad.
11:52Yeah, from what I've heard about him,
11:54it's no wonder you're sitting here in a pinny doing women's hair.
11:57What does that mean?
11:59Look, I know I've not been in touch recently,
12:01but I've not had the time to ring him.
12:03My feet have hardly touched the ground.
12:05I've met someone.
12:07I'm very happy for you. Do you want a biscuit with that?
12:09He's called Mad Dog.
12:11Beautiful name.
12:13Well, his real name's Alan, naturally.
12:15But he's a real character.
12:17Oldham earns 150k a year. You'd love him.
12:20He sounds a delight.
12:22Are you taking the piss?
12:24Mother, I live in Spain. I'm very happy.
12:27My boss Kenneth is like a brother.
12:29Me and my dad have never been closer. My life is here now.
12:32Alan says if you come back, he'll guarantee you a job,
12:35and that's a job for life. People will always be in debt, son.
12:38Oh, what a lovely thought.
12:40Well, what do you say?
12:42A job collecting debts from people in Oldham with a man called Mad Dog.
12:4530k a year in your own van. You're not kidding.
12:48In answer to your previous question, yeah, I'm taking the piss.
12:51I'm not impressed with the way you've turned out, Liam.
12:53You must be surrounded by very bad influences.
12:56You could say the feeling's mutual.
12:59That was an outrage, son.
13:01Matthew said you had a...
13:04..a visitor.
13:06Well, well, well.
13:08I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes.
13:11The great Les Conroy.
13:13Thank Christ the people who came to our wedding can't see you now.
13:16Look in the mirror, Les.
13:18Just look at yourself.
13:20Call yourself a father.
13:22You're a disgrace.
13:24You look like a melting clown.
13:26It's good to see you, Gloria. You've lost weight.
13:29About 12 stone of ugly fat when I left you.
13:32And your hair's amazing too.
13:34I'm jealous.
13:36You're a freak of nature.
13:38Your skin's looking good as well. You're really looking after yourself.
13:41Do you actually go out into the street looking like that?
13:44I don't know how long you're here for, Gloria,
13:47but for every negative, hurtful, poisonous thing you say to me,
13:51I'll try and say something positive to you.
13:53Because you think you're better than me?
13:55No, because I live a wonderful life in the sunshine,
13:58with a job I like and friends I cherish
14:01and a devoted son I adore.
14:04It only seems fair to try and give some of the love back.
14:08So you're wrong.
14:23Drop the latch when you leave.
14:38HE GASPS
14:46Is it much further?
14:48Just round this corner. A little exercise won't do you any harm.
14:52Consider it a warm-up.
14:54It's not the exercise I'm bothered about.
14:57It's just this path, it's so narrow
14:59that every time a lorry goes past,
15:01you look like you're either going to get sucked off
15:05We're here!
15:09Oh, what's the date today?
15:11Oh, I don't know.
15:12It's the 15th!
15:14Oh, blast! There's a local league game on.
15:18What does that mean?
15:19It means we can't play.
15:21Oh, well, we'll just have to watch.
15:28Come.
15:35You wanted to see me, Miss Tempest-Savage?
15:38Er, yes, thank you, Matteo. I just wanted to...
15:43Everything is OK?
15:45Yes, everything's OK. You scrub up well.
15:48Scrub?
15:49It means you look very nice.
15:51Oh, and I'm thanking you more scant words
15:53than your hospital gratitude.
15:55Hospital?
15:57I just wanted to check that you're OK being in charge.
16:00It's just for the day.
16:01Oh, I can persuade you
16:02to put all of your optical confidence inside me.
16:05Why are you talking like that?
16:06Like what?
16:07Rubbish!
16:08If I'm to be scaling mismanagement,
16:11I'm requiring the words of a higher calibre.
16:14But you're using all the wrong words
16:16and certainly not in the right order.
16:18Matteo, just be yourself, OK?
16:21OK, I will be myself.
16:23Good. Now, can you go and find Kenneth?
16:25You're supposed to be coming straight back.
16:27No problem.
16:28Oh, thank you, Miss Temple-Savage,
16:30for this most auspicious opportunity.
16:32Just go away.
16:58So, what kind of building do you do?
17:00You name it, we build it.
17:03A pyramid?
17:05Eh?
17:07You said name it and we build it.
17:09No, I mean houses, flats, that sort of thing.
17:13It's a minefield, innit?
17:15I've been in the game a long time, so I know my way round.
17:18No. I mean the English language.
17:21Right.
17:24What is it you do again?
17:26Well...
17:28It's really difficult to put into actual words what I do.
17:31Which is ironic, really, cos words are what I do.
17:34Right. I've no idea what you're talking about.
17:38I've been called a swami, a guru.
17:41I suppose a lot of people would say I'm a life coach.
17:44Right. My son could do with one of them.
17:46Any time you want me to speak to him, just say the word.
17:49I won't bother. I've tried that.
17:51No. What you've probably tried to do is promote your own ideals and values.
17:56As Mr Miyagi said, there's no such thing as a bad student.
18:01Only a bad teacher.
18:03Well, I can't really blame his teachers.
18:05No. I mean you.
18:08Oh, thanks.
18:11A kid learns the most when he thinks he's not being taught.
18:16I'll give you a shout in a bit.
18:18Show you what I mean.
18:20Yeah. I can't wait.
18:29Kenneth.
18:31Kenneth!
18:34Kenneth!
18:36Oh, sorry. Didn't hear you.
18:38Yeah. That's OK.
18:40You were in what we call B.S.A.
18:43Buffet Suspended Animation.
18:45Food here at Mr Wu's so delicious,
18:48it makes your taste buds work overtime.
18:50And it affects other senses.
18:52Either that or you just picked that greedy pig.
18:56Very funny. That's twice you've called me that.
18:59You like the capitol chicken?
19:01Which one was that?
19:02It's this one.
19:03Oh, my God. That was gorgeous.
19:05What is in that red sauce? It's beautiful.
19:07It's a secret.
19:08But whatever in it, you better wipe from around your mouth
19:11or you look like Buffet the Vampire.
19:14Do you get it? Not Buffy the Vampire.
19:16Chinese Buffet the Vampire.
19:22Yeah. Very funny.
19:26So, what did your sister say?
19:28Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.
19:30Wait a minute.
19:32OK. What she say is...
19:35She bought a new carpet for her living room,
19:37but she want to change it.
19:38She also new car.
19:40Oh, she got a Buick.
19:42They must have got rid of their Citroen.
19:44The ingredients in the medicine.
19:46Wait a minute. I think she gets into that.
19:48Ah, her friend Lucy got a new dog.
19:50Oh.
19:51Ah, that's why she want to change carpet.
19:53Mr Wu, for God's sake, I've got to get back to work.
19:55Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
19:58You were not in hurry when you chomping on Mr Wu's pork balls, huh?
20:02That does sound funny.
20:06Hilarious.
20:08OK.
20:11Oh, content is basically canine drug
20:14used to cause temporary paralysis for medical reasons.
20:18Did you just say canine?
20:21Oh, God.
20:22What have you been using this for?
20:25I injected it into me boss's face.
20:33You did it.
20:36You did it.
20:39No, no, serious.
20:41What did you do with this?
20:44Oh, shit.
20:45Thanks, Mr Wu.
20:47I better get back and ring that doctor again.
20:49Kenneth, it's not a doctor you need.
20:51What you need is a vet.
20:56Hey, no, six euro for the buffet.
20:58Kenneth.
20:59I haven't got my bum bag with me.
21:00I'll pay you tomorrow.
21:03He eat enough for five people and he pay for nothing.
21:06Typical.
21:09It's not a doctor you need.
21:11It's a vet.
21:20I didn't know they'd give me this exciting.
21:23It's a great game, Hamlet.
21:25And it is so serious.
21:29Bloody hell.
21:30Nearly took me head off.
21:32If you're in the crowd, you're legally part of the game.
21:36I once saw a supporter screaming from the stands
21:39when the ball whizzed across the court and he swallowed it.
21:44The things those players did to that poor man to get their ball back
21:47made my eyes water, never mind his.
21:54Oh, dear, oh, dear.
21:56This does not look good.
21:59What's he saying?
22:00He's saying, my uncle, my uncle.
22:03What do you think's wrong with him?
22:06I think he's hurt his uncle.
22:09Oh, what's going on now?
22:11Well, that man wants his sub to carry on,
22:14but the official is saying he can't because he isn't from Pollock.
22:18Isn't from what?
22:19Pollock. It's a local village.
22:21This matches between Pollock and Benidorm.
22:29How do you live in Pollock?
22:32I live in Pollock.
22:34You lived in Wales?
22:36Shh! You live in Pollock?
22:38Yes, my wife and I just moved there.
22:40OK.
22:41Looks like we're going to get a game after.
22:44Hurry up!
22:53Oh, thank you.
22:55You got Pollock?
22:59Oh, my friend.
23:01She's excited.
23:03Your husband, he can play?
23:05Well, he's very good at volleyball, but he's in France.
23:09Oh!
23:10That's his friend.
23:12Yeah.
23:13Oh, yeah.
23:14He's really good.
23:17Finger!
23:29BUZZER
23:31BUZZER
23:33BUZZER
23:35BUZZER
23:37BUZZER
23:46Hello.
23:49You are not here on your own, are you?
23:52Well, not really. I'm visiting my son.
23:55Oh, I see.
23:56I'm just scouting around for a ping-pong partner.
24:00I'm sorry?
24:01Well, I'm here with my son, too.
24:05But he's very competitive,
24:07whereas I just love being knee-deep in chat.
24:12Knee-deep in what?
24:14Chat. You know, banter.
24:16Oh, right.
24:18Can I ask you a question?
24:20Fire away.
24:21As a customer at this hotel, do you think that's right?
24:24Do I think what's right?
24:26Staff being allowed to dress up like pantomime dames.
24:30Do you know who the best dame in the business was?
24:36Danny Larue, a close personal friend of my late husband.
24:41Yeah, well, that is my late husband.
24:44So how do you think I feel?
24:46I don't know how you feel.
24:49You certainly sound pretty angry to me.
24:53I reckon if what you do makes you happy,
24:57and it isn't hurting anyone else, go for it.
25:01Well, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all go through life
25:04with rose-tinted spectacles like you?
25:08Yeah.
25:10Yes, it would.
25:12Les.
25:15We need to talk.
25:16I don't think we have anything to say to each other.
25:18If you genuinely care about our son,
25:21you'll listen to what I have to say.
25:23I'm listening.
25:24Not here. It's all my private.
25:32Follow me.
25:35Home.
25:52Listen, I'm going back.
25:54What are you talking about? This is for your benefit.
25:57My benefit? How do you work that out?
25:59This is character building.
26:02Oh, there you are. What's going on?
26:05He's going to walk across burning, not cold.
26:07Oh, no. Jeff, not with your bunions.
26:12Please listen to me, son.
26:15He can't hear you. He's in some sort of trance.
26:18He can't hear you. He's in some sort of trance.
26:36It's burning! It's burning!
26:39Then get off it, you great twat.
26:42It's stuck in my butt! Get it out! Somebody get it out!
26:45All right, tighten it.
26:47I've got some salad jars.
26:53Get out of the way! Get out of the way!
26:56Get out of the way!
27:15What are you not looking at?
27:27SHE SOBS
27:38I'm listening. I'll come to the point.
27:40I've offered Liam a job, a flat and a new life in the UK.
27:44I could see he was tempted, very tempted.
27:46Well, who wouldn't want 30 grand a year plus pension,
27:49not to mention a company car?
27:51But he didn't take it and I know why.
27:53Because he's got a life here.
27:55You may dress like a fool, Les, but don't act like one.
27:58What sort of a life is this?
28:00Scrabbling around trying to make ends meet,
28:03living off all-inclusive leftovers, drinking during the day.
28:07There's only one thing stopping him going back to the UK.
28:11You.
28:12He's a grown man. He does what he wants to do.
28:15Oh, wake up and smell the coffee, Les. There's nothing for him here.
28:19I'm here.
28:20And what an example you are to him.
28:23I can't make him go if he doesn't want to.
28:25No, you're wrong. Don't ask me to explain why.
28:28But he'd do anything for you.
28:30I won't do it.
28:35I think you will.
28:40What's this?
28:41£10,000.
28:44It's yours.
28:46Convince Liam he has to go back and live in the UK.
28:49You've got to be joking.
28:51This way you get what's best for both of you.
28:53I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him I didn't want him here.
28:56So write him a letter.
29:02£10,000 is a lot of money.
29:07You could sort out all your finances and still have plenty to live on.
29:15I can't.
29:17Les, denying yourself £10,000 makes you an idiot.
29:22But denying your only son the life and career he deserves
29:26makes you something much, much worse.
29:32It's not about the money. It's about Liam's future.
29:38Look at your life now.
29:40Is this what you want for your son when he's 60?
29:48Oh!
29:50There's one thing more.
29:52For the remaining time that Liam's still here,
29:54you stop all this ridiculous dressing up.
29:57It's one thing embarrassing yourself.
29:59But from now on, you do what's best for Liam.
30:03Do we have a deal?
30:06Get out.
30:10You know it makes sense.
30:17You're doing the right thing, Les.
30:32This clown is going to lose our minds.
30:34There is another person from Polk up here.
30:38There's no-one else from Polk here. I ask everyone.
30:40Me!
30:41You.
30:42Yeah.
30:43Glenn's from Polk.
30:45And if you remember, I'm Glenn's wife,
30:48so that means I live in Polk up as well.
30:50Neither of you live in Polk up.
30:52How do you know that?
30:54Polk up is a very small village.
30:56I know every British person who lives there.
30:58Plus, if you live in Polk up,
31:00why are you wearing a Benidorm hotel wristband?
31:03I'm also Middlesbrough volleyball mixed doubles champion
31:07six years in a row.
31:10Arbitro.
31:12Cambio.
31:14Tu.
31:16Fuera.
31:21I'm sorry.
31:23What? What?
31:25You can't pull me off.
31:27I'm just about to come into my own.
31:29If I had a yaw every time I heard that.
31:32Ah.
31:38Let's go.
31:39Yeah.
31:40Get there.
31:41Okay.
31:42Make up a lot.
32:03Yeah!
32:09Yeah!
32:13Yeah!
32:19Yeah!
32:23Yeah!
32:26Yeah!
32:32Yeah!
32:43A vet?
32:44I don't want to be seen by a vet.
32:46How rude.
32:47Juan's come all the way from Finnerstrat.
32:49Gary's come all the way from Fleetwood.
32:51I'm not being examined by a vet.
32:53She tends to get a bit excitable around strangers,
32:55but don't worry, she doesn't bite.
32:57Kenneth!
32:58I'm only joking.
32:59Look, he doesn't even need to examine you.
33:01He can counteract the rabies injection I gave you.
33:03Rabies?
33:04You've got to be joking.
33:05She has no symptoms, apart from the paralysis.
33:08Excuse me, I do speak English.
33:10What do I know of?
33:11No excessive panting or whining.
33:14Oh.
33:15Now you come to mention it, there has been quite a lot of whining.
33:17And she's been doing that thing where she pulls herself along
33:19by her front paws, dragging her bum across the grass.
33:22I'm already missing.
33:24You have injected me in the face
33:26with something that you give to dogs that have rabies?
33:30Which begs the question, why are you frothing at the mouth?
33:32Right, I want him out of here, out of here now!
33:34Right!
33:35Do you have any rope?
33:36You'll die off the hind legs.
33:37I've got some in me room, but that's three floors down.
33:39Hold him!
33:40Ow, ow, ow, ow!
33:42OK, we need to swap positions.
33:44Be careful of the head.
33:46Those teeth look sharp.
33:47Will you stop talking about me like this?
33:50I'm not an animal!
33:51I'm a human being!
33:54Aaaaaah!
33:57Oh!
33:59Oh!
34:01Oh, bugger.
34:06There you are.
34:07I've been looking for you.
34:09Slow day at work?
34:10I'm having a late lunch.
34:12Look, son, we appear to have got off on the wrong foot.
34:15Yes, you do.
34:17I don't hate your dad.
34:19I'm just frustrated he's holding you back.
34:21What do you mean, holding me back?
34:22That's why I'm offering you a fresh start in the UK.
34:25I don't want a fresh start in the UK.
34:27What would you say if I offered you a fresh start living in Spain?
34:29What would I want to live in Spain for?
34:30Exactly.
34:33Liam, why don't we have tea together tonight?
34:36What, with Mad Dog?
34:37No, no, didn't I tell you he was on a shooting weekend in Madrid?
34:40Oh.
34:41What's he shooting? People in debt?
34:43Don't be daft. You know, birds, small animals, that sort of thing.
34:46Mother, I don't think Mad Dog and I are gonna get along.
34:49What makes you say that?
34:50It's just a feeling.
34:52Me and you, tonight.
34:54Eight o'clock.
34:55You understand that the Bellroy, they do a lovely a la carte.
34:58I will have dinner with you tonight, in Neptune's.
35:01Eight o'clock.
35:02And then tomorrow...
35:06..I want you to go home.
35:09Leave me and me dad in peace.
35:12We'll see.
35:13Eight o'clock.
35:15Eight o'clock.
35:17Right, now, I know it's a little difficult without me, but I'm here.
35:20I'm back. Back at work. Back in the game.
35:22Are you back? Are you all back? You never went anywhere.
35:25Miss Temple Savage, are you sure you are feeling OK?
35:28What are you dressed like an undertaker for? Did somebody die?
35:30I was dressed like this when I saw you this morning.
35:32I have been manager while you were not well. Do you not remember?
35:35You? Manager?
35:36You couldn't manage a fart without shitting yourself.
35:39God, I'm hungry. I'm starving.
35:42I'm starving.
35:43I'm starving.
35:44I'm starving.
35:45God, I'm hungry. I'm so hungry.
35:47I'm going to get some food. Anybody want any food?
35:54Well, it's good that Joyce is back on form.
35:56Back on form? She's climbing the walls.
35:58What have you done to her?
35:59You have given her something, I know.
36:01Oh, she was feeling a bit groggy after a visit from the doctors.
36:05So I just slipped a few whoppers into her bovril.
36:08She'll be fine.
36:11What is bovril?
36:16Well, it's not exactly the Bellroy, but...
36:20Well, I was going to say I've eaten in worse places,
36:23but I'm not sure I have.
36:25He's quite funny, Geoff, isn't he?
36:27Geoff?
36:28In the Oracle.
36:29Depends what you mean by funny.
36:31Weird, laughable, an embarrassment, that kind of funny, yeah.
36:35The problem with you, Clive, is you're threatened by another alpha male.
36:38Alpha male? He's on holiday with his mum.
36:41Well, he's more of a man than you'll ever be.
36:43Oh, my God, and you fancy him?
36:45You do.
36:46You fancy him?
36:48He's not my usual type,
36:50but he does have a certain vulnerable quality to him.
36:53What, with his burnt feet?
36:56Hello.
36:59It's Theresa, isn't it?
37:01Yeah, Terry.
37:02I was here, I was thrilled when Geoff told me
37:06that you'd asked us to join you for dinner.
37:09He'll be down in a minute.
37:11I've just got to go and wash my hands.
37:14For the past half hour, I've been creaming his feet.
37:18See you in a jiffy.
37:21Creaming his feet.
37:24LAUGHTER
37:30The thing is, Liam,
37:32I think your dad has finally come to his senses,
37:35and not before time.
37:37What do you mean?
37:39Well, it came as quite a shock,
37:41but he asked to see me this afternoon,
37:43and, well, basically,
37:45he thinks that you should move back to the UK with me.
37:49Why would he say that?
37:51I admit he's changed his tune pretty quick,
37:54but he said you both need to...
37:57Oh, what was his phrase?
38:00Wake up and smell the coffee.
38:03He doesn't like coffee.
38:05He thinks that you should take the job we've offered you
38:08with proper career prospects,
38:10and he's taking stock of his life too.
38:12And he's going to stop all that dressing up
38:15and making a fool of himself as well.
38:17How stupid do you think I am?
38:19What's that got to do with anything?
38:21Those are clearly your words, not me dad's.
38:23Well, you can ask him yourself.
38:25I will. I think it's the case of you putting words into somebody else's mouth.
38:28Me and your dad were married for 20 years.
38:30I know him better than he knows himself.
38:33Liam, sometimes, no matter how late in life,
38:37people do eventually grow up.
38:40This is for you.
38:42Liam, the gentleman's got something for you.
38:45No, it's for you.
38:48Hello.
38:50I have work to do.
38:52Come on.
39:23Put my hair down
39:25And wonder what dress to wear now
39:29Forever you
39:33Forever and ever
39:35You'll stay in my heart and I will love you
39:38Forever and ever
39:40Hello.
39:44Well, I must say,
39:47this was a good idea.
39:50Safety in numbers, that's what I say.
39:54Although I once did have a holiday here on my own.
39:58Oh, yeah? How was that?
40:00Oh, it was an absolute stinker.
40:03I mean, Geoff's in-laws were here
40:05and I chummed up with them for a bit.
40:08But I don't think I'll be doing that again.
40:11You're married?
40:13Separated.
40:15Well, I'm never married, to be honest.
40:17Although we do have a son.
40:19I've seen him every other weekend.
40:21You've got a son called Pi?
40:23What, as in steak and kidney?
40:25No, as in Pythagoras.
40:27You called your son Pythagoras?
40:29Yeah, why?
40:31Nothing.
40:33I think Pythagoras is my favourite of all the Greek philosophers.
40:36Seriously?
40:38Well, apart from Socrates.
40:40I used to love all that at school.
40:42You used to love all what at school?
40:44Ancient Greek philosophy.
40:46I remember having a kebab on a Saturday night after 12 pints.
40:49Hello?
40:51Oh, this is ridiculous!
40:53Same again?
40:55Oh, lovely.
40:57Yeah, I'm fine.
40:59I'll help you.
41:01I think I can manage to bring back four drinks on my own.
41:04I said I'll help you.
41:16Miss Temple Savage, you are sure you're OK?
41:18Thank you, sir.
41:20When bleeding a radiator, it is essential to have a third party
41:23to keep an eye on the boiler gauge.
41:25It's essential.
41:27I think maybe you need to lie down for a while.
41:29Yeah, I was once taken up the Valley of the Kings
41:31by a close relation of Alan Wicker.
41:33No regrets, none whatsoever.
41:35Although I did get to meet David Yip, you know, the Chinese detective?
41:38I didn't realise it was him until half-way home in a taxi.
41:41OK, listen.
41:43I'm going now.
41:45But if you need anything, please let me know.
41:47The group!
41:48Group?
41:49The group! I didn't book the group for tonight!
41:51It's OK. We can just do karaoke.
41:53Karaoke? Not on my watch, soldier.
41:55Is that what Virilyn told the troops in 1940?
41:57Sing it yourself, Ashikoko.
41:59I'll do my emu sumac from my old Ashby de la Zouche days.
42:02They won't know what hit them.
42:04I'm warning you, Clive.
42:06Keep your fat flout clear of my business.
42:08What are you talking about?
42:10I feel a connection with Geoff. I think I'm ready for a relationship.
42:13The only relationships you have these days
42:15are standing up in pub car parks.
42:17Yeah, well, maybe I'll settle for that tonight.
42:19I doubt it. Not with the state his feet are in.
42:24Answer my prayer now
42:27Answer my prayer
42:39I really enjoyed today.
42:42You were right.
42:44You can do too much of lying staring at a swimming pool.
42:48Well, you're always going to have a degree of beginner's luck.
42:51I think someone's jealous.
42:54Don't be ridiculous.
42:56You are. You're jealous.
42:58No. You're right.
43:01Fair play to you, Jacqueline.
43:03You played brilliantly.
43:05Here's to a great day out.
43:08I'll tell you what it did as well.
43:10It made you forget that while you're here
43:13your wife is sharing a bed with my husband
43:16in the south of France.
43:21Whoops.
43:40So, is this really what passes for entertainment round here?
43:43Oh, I love it. It's very Martha Graham.
43:46What was your letter?
43:48Erm, nothing.
43:50It's just some details about a trip.
43:53Oh, they did some great free trips to the world.
43:55I'm sure you'll like it.
43:57I'm sure you'll like it.
43:59I'm sure you'll like it.
44:01I'm sure you'll like it.
44:03I'm sure you'll like it.
44:05I'm sure you'll like it.
44:07I'm sure you'll like it.
44:09They did some great free trips to the waterfall.
44:12Where's it to?
44:14No, it's, erm...
44:16been cancelled.
44:18Gloria, you like the song, son?
44:20You were fabulous.
44:22You off out tonight?
44:24I'm just meeting a few other girls up the rich bitch.
44:26I'd say join us, but I don't think it's your mother's cup of tea.
44:28Well, I might join you in a bit.
44:30No, no, son. Spend time with your mother.
44:32She's not here for long.
44:34That's true. And we've got the rest of our lives together.
44:36You sell it, young'un.
44:38She's got the moves,
44:40I'll say that for her.
44:42Do you like to dance, Jeff?
44:44Not really.
44:46I don't know. You busted some sick moves
44:48on those hot coals today.
44:50Oh, you weren't sick as well, were you?
44:53You've got a big day tomorrow.
44:55Oh, yeah?
44:57What's happening tomorrow, Jeff?
44:59I don't know.
45:01I've got to go.
45:03I've got to go.
45:05I've got to go.
45:07Nothing. Nothing at all.
45:09Oh, he does get shy, doesn't he?
45:12Jeff's fiancée's arriving tomorrow.
45:37© BF-WATCH TV 2021
46:07© BF-WATCH TV 2021