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00:00♪
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00:26Oh
00:56Oh
01:08Turn it off turn it off
01:26I
01:38Never known a flight like it you slept all the way
01:42What is the point of paying for extra legroom when the fat cow next me and I fall back wedged in my seat?
01:48You didn't pay for extra legroom. No, and thank God I never with Baba Papa sitting next me
01:53I'm sure she was a woman in that documentary
01:56She went to the doctor with stomach ache he lifted up a gut found nine quid in loose change two remote controls and next doors
02:04Car will you please shut up?
02:06Just listen to two hours you snoring on the plane. I don't need any more headache
02:12What have you got in that bag?
02:14Snoring who was snoring chance to be a fine thing with Elvis Presley next me farting
02:20Shoveling in the past is he did snorks a video on my dad's phone. Hey
02:25That's never me you've done something with that give us it
02:31Right give us before
02:33Give us before hey
02:35What's going on here? Nothing? They're just a bit giddy about being on all the day
02:41What is this
02:45What kind of film is this you're not allowed to bring video nasties into Spain video nasties
02:50That's my mother you cheeky bastard. You're not exactly Michael bubbly yourself. She didn't mean that
02:57She's not a sick for about three hours
02:59She'll be all right once we get her outside and stick her gob over the coaches exhaust for a couple of minutes
03:05It's just a joke
03:08Don't look we're holding up the queue um wait
03:11Your face it is familiar to me really you sure
03:15Because I thought we all look the same to you, and I don't mean that in a racialist way
03:19Have you ever been arrested in Spain specifically Benidorm arrested you're joking. Are you me I?
03:25Wouldn't say boo to a goose. Yeah, you have when you punch Mel on the beach
03:30They arrested you and put you in the cells in the police station
03:40Please follow me another hour without a sink
03:50You
03:59Good morning Joyce temple savage Solana man address. How can I be of service to you well for a start?
04:05we booked two rooms in a four-star hotel, but we seem to have been put into a
04:111970s Bulgarian youth hostel I
04:14I
04:17Went backpacking through Bulgaria in the 70s
04:19And I can assure you they didn't even have a ping-pong table never mind a piano bar with a choice of four
04:27Continental lagers, there's no way this place would get a four-star right in any country now
04:33Was it Bulgaria or was it Minsk? I remember it sounded like one of the Wombles
04:39How can you call yourselves for stuff you have got to be joking poor quality bed linen
04:44No safe in the rooms wire hangers in the wardrobe. Yes. I'm sorry about the hangers
04:49We used to have solid gold ones, but people kept stealing them. I am NOT staying here. Absolutely. No way. No, it's alright, baby
04:55I'm all over it when we booked this hotel. There's no Wi-Fi
05:01What is this true
05:04You've got no Wi-Fi I can assure you we have full internet facilities in our newly refurbished
05:11Business center and where is that? It's that desk over there
05:23You're not win up slash two for a underscore six a are you I'm sorry is he speaking English
05:29Is your Wi-Fi's name win up slash two for a underscore six
05:39What
05:42What have I told you before Mateo you really must make an effort with the language fine we need to stop the fire I
05:49Must apologize on behalf of my colleague the Mediterranean temperament can be rough
05:55What what fire what are you talking about?
05:59Sorry, I found one
06:05Where's the fire
06:10Quick quick quick put it out put it out
06:25Tell him his breakfast
06:29And
06:39You say you pack this bag yourself, yes, sir. I did sir. I'm so it's a bit of a mess, sir
06:44Yes, sir. No, sir. Three bags for sir. Oh
06:55Sorry, it was a present
06:58As anyone interfered with this old brown leather bag, no, she's been a widow for years
07:04Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist that one. Sorry
07:10Sorry
07:12Look I'm not being funny
07:13But is this gonna take much longer if we miss our coach transfer?
07:17It's gonna cost us a fortune in a taxi. It will take as long as it takes
07:22We're a family going on holiday to Benidorm
07:25We're not exactly international drug runners
07:40And you can't remember anything
07:42Not really. Oh, I remember waking up on the sunbed and seeing Jesus, but after that, it's all a blur
07:49So Jesus
07:51Did he come to you in a dream no, he was cleaning the floors
07:55I had a vision of Jesus cleaning the floors. Well, I wouldn't exactly call him a vision
08:00And then again, I wouldn't kick him out of bed if he crawled in. Oh
08:04Kenneth didn't see Jesus from the Bible. He saw this Jesus from the maintenance block
08:09His name is Jesus. Then why has he got Jesus written on his name badge? Good question. Thank you his name
08:16We spell this way, but we do not say Jesus. We say Jesus
08:19Well, whatever his name is doesn't look as though he's going to be much use to us at the moment
08:24Time to get up to hospital get the all clear and get back to work. I'll take him
08:28No, you won't you have work to do?
08:30Well, I haven't got any appointments till 11 and what if you get a walk-in it might sound a bit rash
08:33But I thought maybe you could do some work this month. I beg your pardon
08:36Oh, do you think you're talking to say ladies ladies, please?
08:40He says he's okay to go to the hospital himself. He says that she's a nurse there fine
08:44Right Mateo tell Jesus to go and get his head examined and get that floor cleaner fished out of the pool ASAP
08:52Would you be so kind as to open your Maison de Santay you are gonna miss shop
08:59You said wait at reception. That was half an hour ago. Come on you
09:06If you'd like to take a seat, mr. And mrs. Dyke master Dyke
09:10I'll get complimentary cocktail sent over and I'll be back to offer you an
09:15extremely attractive
09:17compensation package for your burnt towel
09:20Good morning
09:22Donald and Jacqueline Stewart from last year. Oh, yes. How could I forget?
09:28Nice to see you back. We tried to check in but they didn't know anything about our booking. This place is a junk
09:35We're on the free holiday that you gave us last year
09:39For spying on your staff
09:41Would you both like to take a seat? We're having complimentary cocktails. I thought it was all-inclusive anyway
09:47And I'll be back with you all in two shakes of a duck's tail
09:53Donald Stewart, this is the wife Jacqueline
09:58I'm Clive my wife Tanya and our son Tiger good to know you
10:04Would that be a cockney accent I detect Donald's very good at accents
10:10He once played Hitler in Goebbels the musical
10:15People in the bar after couldn't believe you weren't German. Could that I do have an ear
10:21We're North London originally now in Watford. Well practically St. Albans. Ah
10:28Watford we know it. Well, don't we Jacqueline? Oh, yes a
10:32Retired male stripper friend of ours Morris the meat Henderson is chairman of the WSA
10:39Watford Swingers Association
10:43No, a little ticky bird tells me it's cocktail hour. What can I get you sex on the beach anyone?
10:53How many times you have to be told as soon as you took him out the back
10:57She told you what they were. They're tanning pills. We will of course be making tests on the drugs you brought into Spain
11:03Oh drug stop calling them drugs. I said drugs brilliant
11:08Why don't the pair you met me in news put it around my neck and your mother can kick away the chair
11:12Oh, don't be so dramatic
11:14Dramatic your mother's put a sack of unidentified white pills in a bag to bring to Spain
11:19How dramatic you want it to get it wasn't a sack. It was a bag
11:22Perhaps we are to believe there is such a thing as tablets to make your skin brown
11:28Why are you bringing them to Spain sitting in our son is not good enough for you because she's mentally deranged
11:33Oh, there's no need for that. Well, look at the color of it
11:36You could say this an old bloody year and never end up looking like that
11:40Is there any chance we could go now and promise to come back tomorrow when you've had chance to look at the tablets?
11:46of course
11:48Passed for control procedure means we usually let all people carrying an identified drugs carry on with their journey and pop back at a time
11:55Which is more convenient to them. Oh
11:57Brilliant. Thank you love
11:59Sit down
12:05There's no reason to hold all of you
12:07Just the person who was carrying the drugs, right?
12:11Now much. I don't want you to worry. I'll get Janice and Michael settled in then
12:15I'll come back on the bus and I'll see how you getting on
12:18We're not leaving me mother here you
12:21The drugs were found in your bag piss off that was her bike. Well, how come you were carrying it then?
12:27I don't believe it. I'm being framed by me or mother-in-law. I can't stay here on me. Oh
12:32I'm nearly 70 years old. Well, if you're nearly 70 that makes me about 28
12:38It seems pointless as all sitting here. This could take all day. Are you seriously telling me?
12:43You're all just gonna piss off and leave me here
12:48I
12:55Hope you're not leaving those towels there. I'm sorry. No, I'm just saying we left our towels out here this morning
13:01And they set fire to them. Well, they do warn you not to put them out before 9 o'clock
13:07right
13:08And if you see the state of those rooms, yeah, we come every year you come every year. Oh
13:14Oh, what was that for?
13:16Will you start it this place is a shit-tip. Oh, will you stop doing that?
13:21Just show some consideration some people can't afford a proper holiday. I know I just didn't think that included us
13:28I'm Tonya
13:30My son Tiger. Oh, hiya. I'm Janice. You're not stopping then
13:35No, we put this hotel thinking it was a four-star and well, I suppose it's a godsend if you're on a budget
13:42But it's not really for us
13:45We've been coming for years
13:50So is your husband I'm packing no, no
13:55There are a few problems with the luggage a best ring and find out how he's getting on first
14:00Your husband gets arrested on drugs charges then just when you think things can't get any worse
14:05They put the price of mobility scooters up by 10 euros. That's 50 euros a week
14:11They're wanting thieving twisting Spanish bastards. The bloke was English mother for God's sake just sit down
14:18How can I sit down? I'm not settled without a scooter
14:22Fifty euros a week. My man will be spinning in his grave. He'd have been raking in your old man on a drugs charge
14:30Respect so bleeding food. It's not a drugs charge. He's not been charged with anything
14:36It's just been a bit of a mix-up got caught bringing tanning pills through customs
14:41What's about nothing? It'll all blow over
14:44What kind of a I'm a beauty therapist
14:48Pricked if I know got them as a car boot sailor Nichols. Oh
14:53Right, we're ready for the off. No
14:57We're staying what no way absolutely no way don't make a scene Tanya. Don't make a scene
15:03I wouldn't kennel my dog in this place
15:07Dog, you know what? I mean, if you think for one minute, I am unpacking our cases in that glorified toilet of a hotel room
15:17Be a sweetheart Tanya go upstairs
15:21Unpack the bags and come down in a slightly more positive frame of mind
15:26Don't try to embarrass me Clive at the end of the day. You are just an extremely short man with a very small penis
15:37I
15:39Right type of cool off I think
15:44Tiger
15:45Don't get your father a paper. I don't know where the shops are. I'll show you where the shops are if you want sweet
15:53I'm tiger Michael
15:55Oi
15:59Get your Nana a scooter and come straight back
16:03You're mad paying them prices you're welcome
16:10It's no answer for me I think we need to get straight back on that bus to Alicante break that you go
16:15I'm staying here to watch round two with Charles and Diana
16:19I
16:26Am sorry, there's absolutely no record of this booking whatsoever
16:30But you must remember last year you had us running about like Batman and Robin
16:36More like Laurel and Hardy you booked us in on our free holiday on our last day
16:42We stood here while you did it
16:44I do remember you helping out, but I have absolutely no recollection of offering you a free holiday
16:51Do you have any paperwork? No, you didn't give us any
16:55I'm awfully sorry, but with no booking confirmation
16:58There's not much we can do to help if you'd like to make a booking
17:02I'm sure Matteo here could squeeze you and your wife in somewhere
17:07Any problems just throw them out we have to eradicate this riff-raff element
17:12Attracting lately, you know, I think I do remember just saying she were gonna give them a free holiday
17:17I know, but I've just had to give 80% discount to the Dykes. We have Dykes coming here. Mr
17:24And mrs. Dyke the husband's threatening to sue us for setting fire to his property
17:28So what should I do when Laurel and Hardy refuse to pay? Oh just send them on the trail of the looms pine
17:37Just get rid of them
17:42I
17:46Know you're in there. It's already lunchtime. What are you planning to open?
17:51Thank you for visiting blow and go the Solanas hair and beauty Emporium. Do you have an appointment?
17:55Where is he?
17:56If you are referring to Kenneth head stylist and Benidorm entrepreneur of the year 2009, then I'm afraid he's indisposed at the moment kindly inform
18:03Mr.
18:04Dubec that I am getting in touch with head office and starting the process of having blow and go removed from the Solana
18:09You can't do that. He's paid his rent
18:11The place is never open. We have a very discreet and selective clientele. They prefer the closed-door policy
18:17You haven't got any clientele because
18:20Benidorm's entrepreneur of the year spent his time pissed in jumping jacks next door singing Lady Gaga
18:26I'm sorry. I have to go now. I have a nasal hair wax heater. This is threatening to overboil
18:34Don't come sniffing around me for a job when I close him down
18:41Thanks love
18:43We can't keep going on like this, you know, she's right. We're never open. Well, I've just had a lot on my mind recently
18:49It's more than that. I
18:52can tell
19:00Contact me ASAP
19:02We need to speak
19:05There's no use ignoring me
19:07You can't run forever Kenneth all signed H
19:13What's going on? Well, he's right. I can't avoid him forever
19:15You can run in this town, but you can't hide who's H an enemy a relative an ex-lover
19:22No, he's none of those things
19:24H stands for Herbert's. Oh, I suppose I should be happy. I got this far
19:29Kenneth
19:32Who is Herbert
19:35He's the head of the happier
19:38What's the half year is it some kind of Spanish income tax?
19:41No, it's worse than that
19:44It's the hairdressing mafia
19:50It's dead lucky you've got a car thanks for this it's not a problem
19:55Ask Brits have to stick together your wife Tanya said you weren't stopping at the Solana. Did you have a change of plan?
20:02Tonya, sorry
20:04It's Tonya. Don't call her Tanya. She'll hit the roof. Oh
20:08Right. Well, I'm not gonna lie to you Janice. My wife is a very unstable woman last year
20:14She found out that one of the people on my golfing holiday was a woman. You know what she did
20:19No, she urinated in my coffee every day for a week
20:24Bloody hell. Oh, yeah
20:26mentally unstable
20:28Couldn't you tell she'd weed in your coffee I couldn't as it goes I take my coffee very strong
20:36As opposed to piss weak
20:39You let me give me some petrol money. Won't you? I wouldn't dream of it
20:42So these drugs are you positive that they're just tanning pills?
20:46They must be they only cost 20 quid at a car boot sale. Oh, we'll be fine
20:52The only thing you've got to worry about is if he's got previous previous what previous record
20:59criminal record
21:04They don't take any crap here if he's been in trouble with a police before
21:09It'll be back on a plane to the UK quicker than you can say. You know regret re-en
21:28I
21:31Tell him to stop but he will not listen look
21:37You can't do this here
21:39Look, whatever you do in the privacy of your own room is nobody's business, but your own but you can't do this here
21:45But that's just it. We don't have a room. Thanks to you reneging on your word if this is a protest
21:51Then why are you both not chained to the sunbeds? We didn't have quite enough chain
21:56Anyway, somebody has to be able to nip to the shops for water and such like I'm afraid personal food and drink cannot be consumed
22:03On the premises fine. Then you've just turned a peaceful demonstration into a hunger strike
22:12Jacqueline I'm just going to pop up to the Mad Monk for a spot of brunch. Will you be okay? Oh, yeah
22:19All right, stop it
22:20Matteo give mr. And mrs. Stewart room 212
22:25Come on
22:27What's wrong with you? I've just said you could have a room
22:31Mr. Stewart kindly unchained your wife from my sunbeds. I can't
22:37What do you mean? You can't
22:39I'm afraid I didn't expect you to cave in so easily and I I swallowed the key
22:46Judith what?
22:48Why did you do this to crazy men? What is wrong with you people? I'll be back in about an hour
22:54I do believe the Mad Monk to a very acceptable veg curry
23:00fingers crossed
23:05And you okay
23:20That man over there's got his wife chained to a pile of sunbeds
23:24Doesn't surprise me. They're well known for it
23:27What do you mean perverts?
23:30She'll be naked hanging upside down from the pool bar come five o'clock. Thank God
23:35We met them upstairs
23:37They certainly seen the type
23:39Apparently last year one of them was found roaming the streets at midday dressed as a naughty nurse in stockings and suspenders
23:48That's not appropriate
23:50Not during the day no, and it wasn't the one chain to the sunbeds either oh
24:06You haven't seen my husband or my son at all have you
24:20Oh
24:35No beds
24:38Time for another drink I think no I better get the school back to me. I know she's gonna go mental
24:42No, wait a minute didn't I just buy the price down to 35 euros for the week for this thing
24:48But of a price the only part of the block a bit of gentle persuasion never hurts
24:52And the false ID that I gave him means you could sell it at the end of the week win-win
24:58Come on, bro. You're wrong
25:19And I think to myself
25:23What a wonderful world
25:30Yeah, yeah, I think to myself
25:37What a wonderful
25:44Oh
25:48I
25:56Need a word from singing
26:08What you're doing to me listen listen I mentioned Herbert to me dad and well well he knows him don't you
26:18Know a fella who knows a fella who knows a fella if you see what I mean no
26:23I don't see what you mean I'd probably know a fella who knows a fella who knows Shirley Bassey
26:26But I'm not meeting up with her. I love to meet Shirley Bassey
26:29Look man. This isn't just anybody. This is the head of the hairdressing Mafia Emerson with a big boys
26:34No, what's it gonna do with you anyway? Look? I'm just trying to help if Herbert wants to see you
26:39There's no point avoiding it
26:42And you were stylists in finishtrap who started undercutting
26:46Herbert's braces he was found floating face down in his own swimming pool with a stomach full of shampoo. Oh my god
26:53Well, I thought it was shampoo the meetings tonight. We're going with you. Everything's gonna be okay
27:12Thank you
27:15Can I just see him for two minutes
27:17You cannot go across to the air side of the airport without a ticket and we cannot release your husband until a test has
27:23Been done on the pills. He was found with when can you do the tests?
27:26I understand your concern and you have my personal guarantee. It will be done by Tuesday the very latest Tuesday
27:33It's Thursday now
27:35Can't even ring him because his batteries flat John
27:38You can call the leaflet on this number at any time for an update
27:52Don't cry we'll come back tomorrow
28:08Oh
28:11Skip to the loo. Hey, oh skip to the loo. Hey, oh skip to the loo skip to the loo my dog
28:30How's it going
28:33No worries, just keep a thing. All right. See you later. Bye
28:40Swallow the key now, what can he do swallow the key now?
28:45What can he do swallow the key now? What can he do skip to the loo my darling?
28:52How
28:56Many times Clive I do not know where Tiger is
29:00What did he's text say the same one word reply? He always says chill
29:04I will chill him when I get hold of him you try calling him
29:09What kind of idiot do you think I am the ear shattering screaming moron kind what
29:14I
29:19Hear I just wondered if you'd heard anything from me son
29:23Yeah, we just had a text from Tiger. He said they're fine. He said that Mitchell was shining around Benidorm
29:31Michael
29:32Michael yeah, he said that he'd meet us down in the hotel bar later. Oh, which one Neptune's
29:38Neptune's that was it. Okay, me and my mother will go down there then great. See you there then
29:44Oh and Clive, thanks for today
29:46You were amazing
29:48Yeah, see you later
29:53What did you say that for
29:55Hey, we don't know where they are. I didn't want her to worry. Oh, you didn't want her to worry. What about me?
30:01She's got a lot on her plate with her husband being locked up. What was that? She said to you what what did she say?
30:07To you before you pushed her out the door. I didn't push her anywhere. I never touched her. Thanks for today. You were amazing
30:13What does that mean means? Thanks for the lift. No, it doesn't. Thanks for the lift means. Thanks for the lift
30:19Oh, will you shut up and get dressed? What do you mean get dressed? I am dressed
30:25Why is wrong with this dress?
30:28Nothing as long as it's a vicar and tarts evening
30:31Well, it's not a clown convention either so you can take that shirt off for a start. I'll see you downstairs
30:37Although 10 out of 10 for effort on the red nose
30:57So, where are we going now then? I thought you said you wanted to bring your mum. I'm not that bothered now
31:05All right, come on
31:11Think it's time to get some souvenirs. We usually get all that crap on the last day though me nana
31:17She likes the fridge magnets in the shape of a flip-flop and my daddy likes him glasses that when you put them on instead of
31:23A nose, you've got a massive big plastic. Come on. We're gonna get a proper souvenir
31:35Oh
31:44You do know there's a fair use policy
31:46When we say all-inclusive what we mean is as much food and drink in a day as one person would normally eat not half a dozen
31:53Another black coffee, if you please, why do you keep eating?
31:57You could just put your fingers down your throat
31:59It would never work both Jacqueline and I have extraordinarily high gag reflexes, what does this mean?
32:07Believe me. You don't want to know I'll order the coffee. I
32:12Telled you for 15 euros we can hire the machine that can cut through chains
32:1715 euros to hire a bolt cutter. You must be joking
32:20No wonder your economy is in the state that is in if you fritter away money like that. Oh
32:26Yeah, what is wrong I think it's time to release the beast
32:33Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, the nearest toilet is this way. It's not a toilet that I need
32:38This is a highly delicate operation. Just hope that bathtub's got a plug in it
32:48No long now Jacqueline Geronimo
32:51I
33:02Don't believe it. I've lost my husband and my son all in the space of one night
33:07It's all be ridiculous your son's out with a mate and you're also going to be in for a better night's sleep than any of us
33:14I'll get tonight
33:15Sing what we've heard
33:17There you go
33:19Thanks. No worries. Wait for the staff around here and you'll be spitting feathers
33:26All the Smiths. I love this song
33:33Your wife not coming down
33:36She's on her way. I said I'd come down and get her a drink. Oh, you've had time to get her up a dozen
33:43You had another argument
33:45No, not at all
33:48She'll be doing her makeup
33:50She likes to be well turned down
33:52She's a beauty therapist
33:56Never know it to look at it
34:05Because the music that they constantly play
34:09Right
34:15Here we are Oh
34:20How we a man what you're doing knocking on the door how else will they know we're here just leave this to me
34:31Oh
34:32You're gonna balls it's up. Will you just leave your dad to do what he needs to do?
34:37It's right. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow with the Lord's head in me bed with a pen name
34:50What are you looking for I'm standing right in front of you I know you're standing in front of me dickhead I can hardly miss you
34:57I
35:02Yet to see Herbert
35:04Sorry, pal. Nobody called ever to you. We've got the wrong bloody door. Shut up young
35:10We have a delivery for Herbert a delivery of an outstanding order of damage repair solution
35:16Herbert takes all deliveries at the rear. Yeah, we'll have me suspicions
35:21Take your first left down the bottom of the street the left again
35:25Look for a door marked shit a door mark shit Jimmy marked in actual shit, or does it say shit in letters?
35:56Oh
36:03You come with me
36:05Use to stay here
36:07Hang on pal. We'll come here together. We'll go in together. I
36:15Don't remember telling you you could speak
36:21Have you all right
36:25I
36:47Cannot do back
36:51Go ahead
36:53You're on your own. No, pal
36:56Oh
37:03Welcome back. Oh, yeah, sorry about
37:06Everything okay now. Oh, yes. It was a bit like a round of it's a knockout in the end, but all good life experience
37:14It's not every day. You can say you've spent several hours being chained up in the dark. Well, you say that
37:22You know fairly quickly you suddenly remember where you put your spare key not exactly
37:27Suffice to say my night in shining armor turned up trumps. I suppose we should be thankful for small mercies
37:35Hmm and the brown trousers
37:51I
38:09I'm sorry. I took me time to come and see you. I've not been avoiding you. I've just been busy
38:18Not busy in me salon
38:21I mean them
38:23Business has been fairly quiet to be honest with you. I just Queenie. I Queenie. I who's got the ball. I
38:30Haven't got it. It isn't in me pocket
38:36Did you ever used to say that rhyme
38:40Yeah, me mom used to say to me when I was a kid
38:45Why is it doing you so long to come and see me?
38:48Sorry, I just haven't at the time
38:51Look, if it's protection money, you're after I haven't got a penny. I can barely afford to pay me staff
38:57Protect your money. Have I asked you for any money?
39:01No, have I made any threats towards you
39:05No, I just asked you to come and see me Kenneth, but you ignored me
39:10That hurt my feelings. Oh for God's sake. Just tell me what you want. You're scaring me
39:14I don't know what there is about me to be scared of
39:18Well, there's them Nash's for a start I used to say that rhyme at the playground, you know, it's got the ball
39:24That's where your mother learned probably there's no probably about it. I taught her the right what?
39:31You knew my mother Brenda only about 50 years. We went to school together. I
39:37Came to Spain in the early 70s, but we never lost touch
39:42When you started your salon, I made a few inquiries about you
39:46Because as you know, I like to know what's going on on my patch
39:49Why didn't you just come into me salon instead of sending all your Jack the Ripper notelets?
39:55Don't call me more like Donny Osmond with them teeth. Will you shut up about my teeth?
40:01So you remember who taught you Queenie and who's got the ball? Yeah, I
40:07Told you it was me mom. No, but yeah
40:10No. Oh
40:13I'm gone. I had an uncle not an uncle. He was a mate of me mom's
40:20Campus tits. He was he was hilarious, but I haven't seen him since was about 11. God. What was his name?
40:27Uncle Bertie Bertie, that's right. Uncle Bert
40:36Oh my god
40:39Herbert
40:42Your uncle Bertie
40:45It's been a long time kid
40:49Hey
40:53Hey, look at you little Kenny so little now your mother always did keep a very good table
41:01Is it true that you own every hairdressing salon between here and Valencia?
41:06Talking about that another time. I've got a bit of business to do now
41:10All right, I give you a lift somewhere. Yeah, you could take me to the salon or if that's okay. Oh
41:16Hmm. I've got a couple of mates with me. It's no problem
41:20You will stay in touch with me. I promise your mom would keep an eye on you
41:23You may not see me, but I'll be looking out for you kid
41:27Promise there's a promise
41:32Hmm and you never know I might be able to help you as well. Oh, yeah, tell me you did them teeth
41:38And I'll get them for you
41:42Right shift yourself Queenie I come let's be having you
41:57No good I'm ringing the police it's not that bad
42:02I've heard you'll make do worse
42:04Not about his singing you daft sod about our Michael
42:08I'll stop you mithering. They only texted about 20 minutes ago. I know they keep texting, but where are they?
42:24With the wonder of units a wonder our speakers are still working
42:29It was in the wrong cave. You haven't got the version I usually do. Well, I wouldn't worry about it
42:34I'm sure Elvis made a pig's ear of it now and again
42:38Right more karaoke later, but first the Solana's very own a sir
42:46Terrible microphone
42:48You reminded me of Elvis. Well, that was the idea about two minutes before he slid off the balk
42:56Tiger went answer his mobile call him from your phone. They've texted. They've said they're on their way seven hours seven hours. They've been gone
43:07What you doing?
43:10This is it go
43:12Get here. You is absolutely
43:14Pie-eyed I told you like father like son shut off. Where have you been?
43:20Michael was showing me around Benidorm. This place is nuts. We've got your school and I never
43:26We crossed it
43:28It's not far away though. It's just a
43:31couple of streets
43:32None of this would have happened if you have bought those stupid bloody pills with yet
43:38What about Clyde and Tanya if they brought their child up in any decent manner it wouldn't have happened Tonya
43:45My name is Tonya. His name is Clive. My name is Tonya
43:52What's this shit? Why can't I put some proper music on come here you
43:57Very sorry, I'm so sorry. We will replace your sausage
44:00Get out, can you hear me?
44:07Another quiet night in Neptune's right, what can I get you to drink? Yeah, thanks kiddo. I can't stop lung
44:14I'll get with you
44:17It's not always this rough in here, well, you've no need to worry you've got your uncle Bertie keeping an eye on you now
44:23Hey, Oh Matteo. Let's have you got a minute. Sure. Is everything okay? Yeah. Yeah
44:28I just want to introduce you to somebody Matteo. This is my uncle Bertie. Oh
44:34He's gone maybe he went to the bar no, no, no, he's gone he just likes to keep a low profile
44:47Where have you been all this time just in Benidorm you have alcoholic poisoning you'll be lucky if he makes it through to the morning
44:54Another drink just you wait until your father is about this. We're dads in jail. Come on
45:00I'll stay here mother get his other arm. I'm not going anywhere. Why should you spoil my evening? I love Frank I feel
45:12What have you done here? Oh, oh my god, you've burned yourself. I've you done this
45:24Oh my god, I love Benidorm
45:54You