According to Jim
  • 4 months ago
Transcript
00:00🎵
00:30🎵
00:38Morning, love.
00:40Are you joining us?
00:41No, no. I'm going for a walk.
00:44Clear my head.
00:45Where's Sid?
00:46He's still in bed.
00:47Didn't get much sleep last night.
00:49Oh, go on, my son.
00:54Do you have to?
00:55What?
00:57She didn't get much sleep because she's worried
00:59about her dad arriving this morning.
01:01I know as much as I am.
01:03Oh, you'll be fine.
01:05Yeah.
01:07Not me I'm worried about.
01:10See you later.
01:12Well, what's that supposed to mean?
01:14He's acting like we'll all embarrass him or something.
01:18Right.
01:19Nobody embarrass Rob today in front of Sid's dad.
01:22Sid's dad?
01:25I'm sorry, ma'am.
01:26Is there something you'd like to bring to the discussion?
01:29There's no way so-called Sid's so-called dad
01:33is coming here this morning.
01:35And how do you figure that?
01:37Because it's a 12-hour trip
01:40and the last flight out yesterday was 1840
01:45before a supposed phone call from him.
01:49It's all a complete fantasy.
01:55600 euros in one day.
01:58And according to this, he took out another 200 this morning.
02:02Monty, the entertainment's budget is supposed to last us the entire year.
02:07You have wiped out half of it in 24 hours.
02:10Joyce, you have to understand
02:13I'm dealing with a star here of the highest pedigree.
02:16Why won't you tell me his name then?
02:19He would prefer to remain anonymous.
02:21Oh, how's he going to do that?
02:23Perform with a bucket over his head?
02:25No, during negotiations, he would prefer to remain anonymous.
02:30All I can say is he's a British all-round entertainer
02:33beloved by millions.
02:36A national treasure.
02:40It's not...
02:42Cliff.
02:46My lips are sealed.
02:48Right.
02:50Well, OK, then.
02:53But I warn you, if this turns out to be a wild goose chase...
02:56Trust me, Joyce.
03:00Trust me.
03:04Oh.
03:06Can I help you?
03:07Um, I need to ask for next Tuesday off.
03:10Funeral. Second cousin.
03:12You are employed by the travel agency, not the hotel.
03:16Oh, yeah. Sorry. As you were.
03:24This is getting out of hand.
03:26She thinks we've got Cliff blood in Richard.
03:28Oh, she could have meant any Cliff for all you know.
03:31Come on.
03:34Are you sure this is going to work?
03:36Absolutely.
03:37He's just a little out of practice with a live crowd, that's all.
03:40But a quick dry run with a small yet captive audience,
03:43he'll be right as rain.
03:45It's all arranged.
03:46Here's the address.
03:48Paris Hall? I've never heard of it.
03:50Paris Hall.
03:51I've never heard of it.
03:52Paris Hall. That's, er...
03:54Quite a drive.
03:55So if I were you, I'd go pick up Sammy now and get cracking.
03:58Right.
03:59Morning.
04:00Morning. All right, young'un?
04:02Oh, Kenneth, something come for you, lad.
04:04Eh? What?
04:06Oh, no.
04:08Who's that from?
04:09Vladimir.
04:11Who's Vladimir?
04:12That Russian sailor Kenneth was seeing.
04:14He sacked him off last night.
04:16Ew, TMI.
04:18Sacked. Cloth ears. Sacked.
04:21Oh.
04:25I miss you.
04:27I miss you.
04:28It's barely been 48 hours.
04:30I'll just ignore this.
04:31Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
04:33Throw that out, Leslie.
04:34Great you are.
04:35Would have bought this as well.
04:36No, no.
04:38No.
04:39Still a rose, isn't it?
04:41I'll just stick it in a vase and put it in the salon.
04:43Aye.
04:44Something tells me you're not going to have enough room.
04:46What do you mean?
04:52Yeah, this lot came first thing.
04:54Delivery driver forgot that one.
04:56Had to come back.
05:01Hello.
05:03Someone's popular.
05:14Joey.
05:15I'm back in my team.
05:16Are you decent?
05:17Yeah.
05:18You said you were decent.
05:20I'm 40 minutes in.
05:21I'm a good, honest, law-abiding citizen.
05:24Good, honest, law-abiding citizens
05:26don't flash their party packs at their mates.
05:29Listen, I need your help today.
05:31Assuming you can drag yourself away from your girlfriend
05:33for five minutes.
05:34Yeah, I've been thinking.
05:36I've kind of let you down a bit there.
05:38Should always be mates before dates.
05:40The bro code.
05:42I'm sorry.
05:43So forget girls.
05:45Today is a lads day.
05:47Today it's just you and me.
05:49Thanks, mate.
05:50I appreciate that.
05:51Aye, no problems.
05:53So what do you need help with?
05:54I need to find that bird I copped off with last night.
06:03This is Mugby.
06:04Always a pleasure, never a chore.
06:08Oh, I've got a booking for you.
06:12Oh, I've got a booking for yourself and young master Mugby.
06:17Poor Jeff.
06:18He's come down with the bout of the mumps.
06:21He looks like a chubby little hamster, doesn't he?
06:25Yes, and now he looks like a chubby little hamster with mumps.
06:29So I shall be taking my brother's room.
06:31No bother, I'll change the booking.
06:33Yes, it's worked out quite well, really.
06:35Our Pauline needed a nice holiday to cheer her up, didn't you?
06:42She's recently lost her job.
06:45Right, firstly, there's very little point in whispering
06:48when I'm standing right next to you.
06:50And secondly, I did not lose my job.
06:53I quit my job, actually.
06:55I decided it was high time I started following my dream.
06:58She decided to become a novelist.
07:01You're writing a book, are you?
07:03What's it about?
07:04She doesn't know.
07:06She's been working on chapter one for the past month.
07:10Yes, well, I will confess I've been having a smidgen of trouble
07:13getting over that first hurdle,
07:15but I'm hoping a change of environment will yield some inspiration.
07:18Right, is there anything else you'd like to ask me about my private affairs?
07:21Or can I have my room card now?
07:23Aye, aye.
07:25There you go.
07:26Three, two, six.
07:31Oh, I am sorry about that.
07:34Oh, think not of it, Mrs Maltby.
07:37I know how temperamental these autistic types can be.
07:41I mean, that Van Gogh fella cut off his own lug holes, didn't he?
07:46Oh, our Pauline would never do that.
07:49She enjoys watching the soaps too much.
07:52I reckon you could still watch TV with one ear.
07:55Not if you wear glasses.
07:57Oh, yeah.
07:59HE CHUCKLES
08:01Oh, bless her.
08:08Nigel, don't you feel guilty?
08:11I wasn't even looking.
08:12Looking at what?
08:13I don't know.
08:15I meant, don't you feel guilty being here
08:18and being a holiday at the department's expense?
08:21No, and neither should you.
08:24It's par for the course with this sort of deal almost expected.
08:30Do you really think the boys they sent after Ronnie Biggs
08:33took that long to find him?
08:35Of course not. They had more sense.
08:38For 40 years of being passed over for every promotion going,
08:42I think we've earned this.
08:50Where's Robbie?
08:51He's gone for a walk, love.
08:53Right, well, I can't wait for him.
08:55My father's just called, he's at the airport.
08:57And which airport might that be?
08:59Alicante.
09:00Alicante.
09:02Oh, that's interesting, isn't it?
09:04Well, I'm going to go pick him up.
09:06Of course you are.
09:07Yes, and tell Robbie where I've gone.
09:12Oh, where is she?
09:13Listen, about my father,
09:16well, in my country, he's sort of quite important.
09:22Aren't two plows, does he?
09:24What?
09:25No, listen, all I'm saying is treat him with respect.
09:28That's all.
09:30Or else he...
09:32Just treat him with respect.
09:35Please.
09:36Of course we will.
09:38And we're all really looking forward to meeting him, aren't we?
09:42Absolutely.
09:43Aye.
09:45It seems a shame to pop all of them.
09:47Can we not just keep one?
09:48No, all of them.
09:49I want them all gone.
09:50And would you mind doing it quietly?
09:52Mine have just shot to pieces already, as it is.
09:58I'm sorry.
09:59I'm sorry.
10:00I'm sorry.
10:01I'm sorry.
10:02I'm sorry.
10:03I'm sorry.
10:04I'm sorry.
10:05I'm sorry.
10:06I'm sorry.
10:07I'm sorry.
10:08I'm sorry.
10:09I'm sorry.
10:10I'm sorry.
10:11I'm sorry.
10:12I'm sorry.
10:14In a sense, it's quite flattering.
10:17Flattering?
10:18Have you read some of these?
10:19You can practically chart the journey of a psychosis.
10:22Oh, God, I feel like Michael Douglas in Fate and Attraction.
10:25To be fair, you know Michael Douglas.
10:28Oh, remember that skit we had to do on Neptune's charity night?
10:33Yes, thank you, Barry Norman.
10:35I wasn't asking for a critique of my acting skills.
10:44It's him.
10:46You'd better answer it, Kenneth.
10:48Oh, God.
10:52Hello?
10:53I'm at the reception.
10:55He's in reception?
10:57Oh, are you?
10:59What are you doing there?
11:00This little old woman wouldn't let me in unless you permit it.
11:04Oh, really?
11:06Would you mind putting her on to me?
11:09Hello?
11:10Leslie, do not let that eight-foot psychotic lunatic
11:13anywhere near this salon.
11:15See, it's the first part of that sentence
11:17that's going to make the second part a bit tricky to pull off.
11:21Yeah.
11:25I go through now, yes?
11:27Aye.
11:28Good.
11:31Leslie!
11:33Ah!
11:35You see, no, no, it's not that I don't appreciate
11:37the masses of gifts and borderline threatening notes, but...
11:40I love you.
11:41Well, I'm a very lovable person.
11:43You changed me. I was living a lie.
11:45And you gave me the courage to be myself.
11:47I need you.
11:48But... But that's the thing, isn't it?
11:51You see, you've spent all these years trapped in the closet
11:54and now that you've finally found yourself in the closet,
11:56you've found yourself in the closet,
11:58you've found yourself in the closet,
12:00you've found yourself in the closet,
12:02you've found yourself trapped in the closet,
12:04and now that you've finally come out, well...
12:07I mean, you don't want to limit yourself to one person, do you?
12:10I mean, there's loads of men around.
12:12Um, I'm not gay.
12:14Really?
12:15Yes, really!
12:18Please, whatever it is I've done wrong, tell me.
12:21Oh, no!
12:22I'll fix it. I'll make it work.
12:24No, no, no, you haven't done nothing wrong, Vlad.
12:27No, no, you see, it's not you.
12:29It's me.
12:32It's me too.
12:33What do you mean?
12:35I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, but...
12:39I'm married.
12:42To a woman.
12:44You see, I never had your courage
12:47or your confidence.
12:50But it's too late now cos she wouldn't understand.
12:53And I do love her.
12:55Oh, I wish you'd been this good when we did ask it.
12:58Shut up!
12:59Yeah, I understand.
13:02You do?
13:03I also had to tell my wife.
13:05It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
13:07Yes.
13:08But I didn't have a comrade.
13:09No.
13:10You do.
13:11We will tell her tonight.
13:12Together.
13:13Sorry, I mean, what I was going to say is...
13:18Oh!
13:27Be strong.
13:29I shall return this evening.
13:32My darling.
13:41Oh!
13:42All's well that ends well.
13:45What are you talking about?
13:46I haven't got a sodding wife!
13:48Oh, no.
13:50And he's probably going to notice that when he comes back, isn't he?
13:54Do you think?
13:56Liam!
13:58Keep calm.
14:03MUSIC PLAYS
14:09Still on Chapter...?
14:11Yes, I'm still on Chapter One.
14:13The opening line has to set the scene and tone for the entire novel.
14:16You can't rush these things.
14:21Why don't you put...
14:24..the big brown dog played with the bright red ball?
14:29And then you can put a little picture of the big brown dog.
14:33I'm not writing a book about dogs' balls, all right?
14:37Now, would you please be quiet and just let...
14:42Get on with it.
14:52Pauline?
14:53What?
14:56Oh, look, Mum, it's fine. I'm OK, all right?
14:59I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.
15:01I just really need to get into the zone here, that's all.
15:05SIGHS
15:30MUSIC PLAYS
15:39KNOCK AT DOOR
15:40Go away!
15:42Sammy, it's me, Monty!
15:45Monty!
15:48Hold on, Monty. Just putting on me trousers.
15:55Ha! Get off my grass!
15:58Very good. Never get old.
16:00Come on, come in, come in, come in.
16:10Monty, listen, I'm sorry that I bailed out on you last night.
16:13I got what my mate Edmunds calls the fear.
16:15He used to tell me about it all the time.
16:17He said, you're never a true showman until you've experienced the fear.
16:20And, to be honest with you, Monty,
16:22I personally think you'd be really proud of me today.
16:25Oh, I miss you, Noel.
16:29Noel Edmunds isn't dead.
16:33I feel the same way.
16:39I'm sorry, do you...? Do you live here?
16:41Oh, God, no, Monty. No, of course I don't.
16:43No, my villa's having a makeover. It's being painted, isn't it?
16:46No, I'm only... I'm just here for a couple of days, that's all.
16:49Right, as I said on the phone,
16:51I've arranged a slightly smaller gig for you tonight.
16:55Might help you get over your...
16:58..over the... Fear.
17:00..over the... Fear. Fear, yeah.
17:02Little place called Pyrus Hall.
17:04No, no, no, I've never heard of it, Monty.
17:07No, I hadn't heard of it either, but I am assured that it is very exclusive.
17:11But it's a couple of hours' drive, so I think we should probably...
17:14Sounds great, Monty, sounds great!
17:16See what I've got here? Hold on, hold on.
17:19See, I've got a cassette of some of my old stand-up routines.
17:22Maybe we could have a listen on the way in the car.
17:24See, this one is for the more intimate gig.
17:26Yeah, well, that might be...
17:28Well, I'll tell you what, maybe you should do it from memory.
17:31That would be a good practice.
17:33Yes, whatever you say, Monty.
17:34Right, I'll tell you what, I'm going to get changed.
17:36Why don't you go outside and make yourself at home, yeah?
17:39Who loves you, Monty?
17:41Wipe it off, Monty, wipe it off!
17:43Wipe it off, Monty!
17:49I can't hear a word you're saying, Joey.
17:52You're doing what?
17:54You're staking out an hotel?
17:56No, we're not.
18:00Excuse my friend. Sunstroke.
18:02Come on, Dennis, let's get you back under a brolly.
18:09All of Ford, five minutes.
18:11No, it is my break in ten minutes.
18:13Yeah, I'll be back at five.
18:15You cannot be getting stiff every time a man looks at you.
18:18I beg your pardon?
18:19How do you say, scaring you stiff?
18:21I'll be back in five minutes.
18:23Hey, hey, where are you going?
18:25Listen, I'll be back in five.
18:27Hostia. Five minutes.
18:30Oh, sorry, Joey, can you start that again?
18:33Me and Callum, we're trying to find the woman he brought home last night,
18:37only he doesn't know her last name,
18:40so we're waiting outside till she turns up.
18:42What? Why are you trying to find her?
18:45Well, to be honest, I think Callum might be a little sweet on her.
18:49Class, he wants to return the money she left behind.
18:52Oh, for God's sake, didn't you listen to a word I said last night?
18:55Oh, yeah, I did.
18:57What was it you said again?
18:59She didn't accidentally leave that money, Joey.
19:02She thinks Callum is her...
19:03Sam! What? I'm on the phone.
19:05No, I know, I know, but I need a favour from you.
19:07We haven't got much time.
19:08What sort of favour?
19:09I, um...
19:10He needs you to be his wife.
19:14Yeah, Joey, I'm going to have to call you back.
19:20There you are.
19:21Oh, you know what Sam said?
19:23She said she doesn't think that woman left the money there by accident.
19:26Me, of course she didn't. You think I didn't know that?
19:29She wanted to see me again.
19:31She knew I'd find it and knew I'd bring it here.
19:33She's grafting. It's a classic manoeuvre.
19:36I've pulled the same trick myself dozens of times.
19:38I didn't even think of that. You are so smart.
19:42Ain't my first disco, mate.
19:44Ain't my first disco.
19:46Mmm, mmm, mmm.
20:08Yes?
20:13Um...
20:27A glass of lemonade, please.
20:29Ah, yes. I remembered you.
20:33I beg your pardon.
20:48Your lemonade.
21:39KNOCK ON DOOR
21:41No sanctuary.
21:43Come.
21:48Here you are. Sorry to bother you, Mrs Templestowitch.
21:51What can I do for you?
21:53Well, I reckon I'll make the just-landed meself
21:56in what me old mam used to call the shit soup.
22:04OK, I'm in.
22:05But if we're going to do this, we're going to do it properly,
22:08which means you have to start acting straight.
22:10What are you on about?
22:11The whole point is that our marriage is supposed to be a sham.
22:14I'm meant to be living a lie.
22:16That's very nice for you, Kenneth,
22:17but it makes me look a bit stupid, don't it?
22:19He has to believe that I believe you're straight.
22:22She's right, Kenneth.
22:23If you really were living a lie,
22:25then when you were around her, you'd be acting straight.
22:27Acting straight? What's that supposed to mean anyway?
22:30How do straight people act?
22:31You know, like me.
22:33Like me?
22:36What?
22:38We're going to have to start with a shopping trip,
22:40get you a whole new outfit.
22:41Eh? But what's wrong with what I'm wearing?
22:46Liam, don't get me 30 euros out of the petty cash.
22:49Forget 30 euros, you'll have to bring your credit card.
22:52Credit card? How many outfits am I buying?
22:54Just the one.
22:55But I fancy a new pair of shoes and a couple of tops.
22:58You didn't really think I was going to do this for free, did you?
23:02Come on.
23:04You're really going to have to work on that walk.
23:07What's wrong with me walk?
23:09I'm not talking to you.
23:19I don't know what to say.
23:21I mean, really, Leslie, tax fraud?
23:25Hey, it's not fraud as such, is it?
23:28Because I didn't really know what I was doing.
23:30That's hardly the point.
23:32And you actually think these two men are undercover investigators?
23:37I don't know.
23:38It's just little things they've said since they got here.
23:42And they're always staring at us.
23:44I'm not being funny, Leslie, but quite a lot of people stare at you.
23:48Oh, well, that's very kind of you to say, Mrs Temple-Savage.
23:51But, no, there's something up with these two.
23:54I can feel it in me waters.
23:56I don't know.
23:58Maybe I should just leave.
24:00Oh.
24:01I don't want to be any trouble.
24:03Leslie, as much as I don't relish the idea of harbouring a known fugitive,
24:08the fact remains that I suppose I'd sort of...
24:12..kind of...
24:14..consider you a friend.
24:16Oh, Mrs Chase!
24:18It's all right, all right. Don't ruin your mascara.
24:20We're not having a moment.
24:21Just try and keep your head down for the rest of the day
24:24and I'll do the rest.
24:26Why? What are you going to do?
24:29Some investigating of my own.
24:37Pauline, have you been drinking?
24:40You're ridiculous.
24:42I've had nothing but a few glasses of the finest lemonade.
24:55This is vodka.
24:58Preposterous.
25:00Ah, you!
25:02Would you mind confirming to me, in front of witnesses,
25:05as to whether I have or have not been drinking lemonade?
25:10Of course. It's what you asked for.
25:12Lemonade.
25:14Well, you see, if it was just lemonade,
25:18why was he winking at you?
25:20Clearly the man's attracted to me.
25:22That's no secret.
25:24I've been rejecting his advances ever since the year we first came here.
25:28Hey, hey, hey.
25:29I have no advantages for you to reject.
25:32I am not the one who is drunk.
25:45It is vodka.
25:47Oh, Pauline.
25:49I've written nothing for weeks.
25:51And then a few glasses of that,
25:53and I've polished off three chapters.
25:55Truly, it is the nectar of the gods.
26:02Oh, Pauline, that's...
26:05That's disgusting.
26:08Nonsense.
26:10He swallowed her?
26:12Oh, dear, no, you can't do that.
26:15Nonsense.
26:17Nonsense.
26:18Erotica is as legitimate a form of literature as any other.
26:23No, I meant you can't do that.
26:25I tried it.
26:27You need to be double-jointed, and I wasn't.
26:30Well, not till after, anyway.
26:33Have you tried this?
26:35Oh, yes.
26:37What about this?
26:41Oh, yes.
26:44Please, be seated.
26:49I believe I have found my muse.
26:58Gentlemen.
26:59Joyce Temple-Savage here, your solana manageress.
27:02I hope you're both enjoying your stay.
27:04Lovely, thanks.
27:05Excellent.
27:06I'm afraid when you checked in,
27:08our receptionist neglected to have you sign
27:10one of our personal detail forms.
27:13Well, if you just want to leave it with us...
27:15No, no, no, happy to do it now.
27:17Right, now then, may I ask the nature of your employment?
27:23Why would a hotel need to know that?
27:26I've no idea.
27:28Anyway, nature of your employment?
27:30Retired.
27:31Greengrocer.
27:32Retired greengrocers.
27:37Are you both married?
27:40Yes.
27:42Where are your families?
27:44Sorry?
27:45You're here on your own, I'm just wondering...
27:48Oh, um...
27:50Unless, um...
27:52Oh, yes, that's right.
27:54We are, aren't we?
27:57Are what?
27:58Married.
28:00Sweetheart.
28:03Oh, that's right.
28:06We are.
28:07Sugar doll.
28:09That explains everything.
28:11No, I mean that it completes the questionnaire.
28:17Do enjoy the rest of your stay.
28:21Sugar doll.
28:23Can we stop holding hands now?
28:28Oh, God, here they come.
28:30There?
28:34Oh, well played.
28:38Father, this is Robbie.
28:42Robbie, this is Franco, my father.
28:46Nice to meet you.
28:48Nice to meet you.
28:50Nice to meet you.
28:52Nice to meet you.
28:54Nice to meet you.
28:56Nice to meet you.
28:58And, um, this is Robbie's family.
29:01How do you do?
29:02Right.
29:03Nice flight, was it?
29:05Which airline did you use out of interest?
29:08I don't use airlines, I have my own private jet.
29:11Oh, really? That's nice.
29:14What sort of jet is it?
29:16A 2012 Gulfstream G520.
29:20Is that a Rolex?
29:21No, it's Bulgari.
29:24Bulgari.
29:25Oh, my God, he's a billionaire.
29:28Hi, I'm William, Robert's dad.
29:33About this so-called Gulfstream G5.
29:36Ma'am.
29:38So nice to meet you.
29:39Would you like to sit down or maybe you'd like to go to Rob and Sid's room to freshen up first after your flight?
29:44Rob and Sid's room?
29:47I should like to talk to you.
29:51Alone.
29:55Sid?
29:56It's fine. It's fine.
30:06Yeah, me love you!
30:18Any girl would do, Monty.
30:21I'm looking forward to this, Monty. Seriously, it's like a rebirth.
30:24Mama Louise!
30:25They drove off the end of a cliff, so keep your eyes on the road.
30:43A retirement home.
30:46Oh, bloody swing for her.
30:48Monty!
30:50Sammy, I am so sorry.
30:53You are a genius.
30:55What?
30:56I never thought of this myself. It's brilliant, bloody brilliant.
30:59Old people love me. They absolutely love me.
31:03If this doesn't get me over the fear, then nothing will.
31:08Oh, yeah, well, exactly.
31:11And I'm sure it's what Noel would have wanted.
31:16It is.
31:21I'm telling you, Leslie, you've got nothing to worry about.
31:24Look, they're even sharing a room.
31:27Aye, single beds.
31:29Oh, come on, you're telling me you've never pushed a couple of beds together in your day?
31:33I'm not convinced, Mrs Temple-Savage. I mean, they're just doing a gig, you know.
31:43Now then, darling.
31:46Hiya.
31:50All right, I admit, sometimes you can be hard to tell.
32:01Yeah, I've got to tell...
32:04I've got to tell you, Sam.
32:06I'm starting to get really worried about him.
32:08Who?
32:09Who do you think?
32:17He tried to give me a cassette tape earlier.
32:20I genuinely am not sure he knows what year it is.
32:23Look, he's a celebrity. They're all a bit eccentric.
32:26A bit?
32:27It'll all work out, I promise.
32:30Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and meet me husband and his ex-boyfriend.
32:34What?
32:38She's mad.
32:40They're all mad. Maybe I'm mad.
32:46Sam, he loves you. Who loves you?
32:48Sam loves you.
32:50Sam loves you.
32:52Come inside.
32:53What?
32:54Sam loves you.
32:55Come inside.
32:58Sam loves you.
33:07That's what I should have asked him.
33:09What the thrust-to-fuel ratio of this pretend jet was.
33:13I bet he wouldn't have known that.
33:15Of course he wouldn't have known that. How would he have known that?
33:17He didn't build it, did he?
33:18Look, if he's a billionaire, he's a billionaire.
33:20If he's not, he's not. It doesn't really matter.
33:22The most important thing is our Rob.
33:24Exactly.
33:25So stop trying to spoil this for us, Loretta.
33:27Us?
33:28For Rob. For Rob, I said.
33:29No, you didn't. You said...
33:31Oh, look, he's here, look.
33:36What's happening, love?
33:37I don't know.
33:38They're both up in the room, talking.
33:42Don't worry, son.
33:43When they come down, we'll turn on a bit of Dawson charm.
33:45A few drinks, a few jokes.
33:47He'll be loving us.
33:48I could tell my one about them two nuns if...
33:51No, no, no, no, no.
33:55Kenny.
33:58Oh, God.
34:00Oh, God.
34:01Where the hell's Sam?
34:03Right, go on, you'd better clear off.
34:05Right.
34:06Don't go too far, though, will you?
34:11Oh, no, we'd better not,
34:13because my wife's going to be here any minute.
34:17Any minute.
34:19Any minute.
34:22No.
34:23Oh, thank God.
34:24I mean, there she is.
34:26Oh, sorry I'm late, babe.
34:28Traffic.
34:29It's all right, babe, you're here now.
34:31Give us a kiss.
34:38They're pretending to be a couple.
34:41I really don't care.
34:48So, who's your friend?
34:58What?
34:59There she is.
35:01About time.
35:05Caroline.
35:06Callum?
35:08What are you doing here?
35:14I wanted to see you again.
35:16Um, this is very unprofessional.
35:21Come on, don't be coy.
35:23I don't like games as much as the next fellow,
35:25but face it, this one's all played out.
35:28You know you wanted to see me again, too.
35:31That's why you accidentally left the money behind?
35:35Accidentally left the...
35:37Oh, my God.
35:42You're not an escort at all, are you?
35:44You're just some kid who was trying to pick up an older woman.
35:48Escort?
35:49Callum, this is a business hotel,
35:51one that provides certain services for its corporate clients.
35:55What do you mean?
35:57You mean you thought I was a paid toy boy?
36:01And you paid me 200 euros.
36:05Actually, that's quite a lot, isn't it?
36:07And you earned every penny.
36:09Yeah?
36:10Well, I'm not actually doing anything this evening if you want to...
36:13Sorry, Callum, I'm checking out tonight.
36:16But I'll be back this time next year.
36:20So...
36:33I bless the day I found you
36:39I want to stay around you
36:43And so I beg you
36:48Let it be me
36:52Don't take this...
36:54So they are muzalatas?
36:57Apparently.
37:00Ah, yes. I see it now.
37:03You do?
37:04Of course. It is as plain as the face on your nose.
37:11Excuse me. I have a bone to pick with you.
37:15Why do you want to pick at my bone?
37:17You served my daughter funny lemonade all afternoon.
37:21And now you're just taking a full bottle of vodka over to her table.
37:28Yes, she said you wanted some for her and her mousse.
37:32Why would you give vodka to an alcoholic?
37:36Alcoholics, they love the vodka.
37:39You did not know this?
37:42Si?
37:48He keeps looking at us.
37:50Do you think he suspects?
37:52He doesn't suspect anything. Stop making eye contact. Watch the stage.
37:56I can't believe we have to spend the whole week pretending to be a couple now.
38:00I don't know what you're complaining about. It's worse for me.
38:03As it's worse for you.
38:05At least you look like you're punching above your weight.
38:08I'm the one they'll think's slumming.
38:13Ah.
38:25Who's that?
38:26Franco.
38:28You don't mind if I call you Franco, do you?
38:31Please, sit down.
38:33I've already got the drinks in, look.
38:35Actually...
38:36One drink.
38:50So.
38:52This is nice.
38:54Perhaps we should have a toss to...
38:56What's the thrust to fuel ratio of this jet of yours then, Frankie?
39:04Fuel consumption is over 300 gallons an hour.
39:07Thrust is in excess of 8,000 pounds.
39:12Let it be me!
39:24Ask me if I love you
39:27And I choke on my reply
39:31But soon I heard you honestly
39:35That mislead you with a lie
39:40So I followed the trail of petals all the way through the kitchen and out onto the patio.
39:45And there he was.
39:47Stood there in his tuxedo.
39:49As handsome as the day we first met.
39:52He put fairy lights round the gazebo.
39:54And he hired a string quartet to perform our favourite song.
39:59What were it again, babe?
40:02Dancing Queen.
40:04Dancing Queen.
40:06We got down on one knee.
40:08And he showed me his ring.
40:10Oh, it was the most romantic night of my life.
40:12Anyway, I'm rambling.
40:14Sorry, sorry.
40:15Please, listen.
40:17There is something that Gwyneth and I would both like to tell you.
40:21Hold that thought.
40:23I'm just going to go and check on the babysitter.
40:30You have children?
40:32Yes, seems that way.
40:34I mean, yes.
40:36Yes, we have.
40:39Twins.
40:41Boy and a girl.
40:43Little Kylie and Jason.
40:48That's why you must continue to live your life?
40:50Yes.
40:53I wish I brought it up earlier, to be honest with you.
40:57I understand.
40:59But I do have children.
41:01Oh, I know, love.
41:02My wife took them away when she learned the truth.
41:07And I miss them, Gwyneth.
41:09I miss them so much.
41:11You will not go through this, Gwyneth.
41:17I will not let you.
41:19No.
41:22So, that means...
41:25It means we cannot be.
41:29You must be strong, Gwyneth.
41:32And you must learn to forgive me.
41:34I will. I mean, I'll try, Vlad.
41:46Goodbye, Gwyneth.
41:49Goodbye.
41:59Oh, did it work?
42:00Well, yeah, it seems to.
42:08Hey, you're gonna be all right, you know.
42:11Like Kenneth said, there are plenty more men out there.
42:15I didn't suppose you...
42:16I'm crying out loud. I'm not gay.
42:24Take him.
42:29Who's slamming it now? Get off.
42:32He obviously just didn't notice me.
43:00Let's give a big Neptune's thank you to the wonderful Neil Ross.
43:09Right, ladies and gentlemen, it's karaoke time again,
43:13so let's see who the performers are.
43:15Right, it looks like we have a double act,
43:17and it's Pauline and the Muse.
43:22MUSIC PLAYS
43:30Let's talk about sex, baby
43:32Let's talk about you and me
43:34Let's talk about all the good things
43:36And the bad things that may be
43:39Let's talk about sex
43:41Let's talk about sex
43:43Let's talk about sex
43:45Let's talk about sex
43:49Too much!
43:51That's hilarious!
43:54I told you it would have gone in, didn't I?
44:00See, I knew he'd like it.
44:02Yeah.
44:04So, another drink, Franco?
44:07No. No more, no more.
44:12We really must go.
44:14Tomorrow, we fly home.
44:17What?
44:21It was nice to meet you.
44:23We will not meet again.
44:25Come.
44:28I said...
44:30I'm sorry, Robbie.
44:35Let's talk about sex, baby
44:37Let's talk about you and me
44:39Let's talk about all the good things
44:41Rob, I am so, so sorry.
44:44Let's talk about sex
44:46Let's talk about sex
44:48Let's talk about sex
44:50Let's talk about sex
44:54Talk to me.
44:56Excuse me, she's got to get rid of those screw nuts.
44:59Oh, my dear.
45:01Is it just me, or do standards here appear to be slipping?
45:04It is just you. We have always had these standards.
45:07Well, not for much longer.
45:09My husband, the entertainment's manager,
45:12is right now out there schmoozing a very well-known celebrity.
45:16And you are OK with this?
45:18Well, for his reasons, he can't tell me who it is.
45:21But he keeps dropping little hints.
45:23He tells me we'll all be witnessing something very special in a week or so.
45:27Here comes the chorus. Don't let me down.
45:29Get those arms in here, everybody.
45:31Let's raise the roof.
45:33Here we go.
45:35Hi-ho, silver lining
45:38Everywhere you go
45:40Now
45:42I see your sun is shining
45:45But I won't make a fuss
45:47For your turn.
45:49This one's for you, Noah.
45:51Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!