Frasier Season 3 Episode 1 She's The Boss
Frasier Season 3 Episode 1 She's The Boss
Transcript
00:00Come on in! Come on! It's all over!
00:05He won't mess with you!
00:07Are you nuts? That was a Doberman!
00:12Oh dear, what happened?
00:13Oh, get the first aid kit. Eddie got into a fight.
00:17We were on the elevator with that Doberman from upstairs.
00:21Eddie took a perfectly innocent sniff and wham!
00:26Good morning all!
00:28What's all this?
00:29Eddie was viciously attacked.
00:31Oh, is that coffee cake I smell?
00:38Well, now that I look at it, it's just a scratch.
00:41But I probably should take him to the vets anyway.
00:44What are you doing up so early?
00:46Oh, the new station manager's taking over today. She wanted to meet with all of us.
00:51She? Oh, working for a woman, huh?
00:55Yes, why?
00:57Well, it's tough on guys, taking orders from a woman. We resent it.
01:02Well, that's absurd.
01:04If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Fred would never have been conceived.
01:12My brothers couldn't stand taking orders from me.
01:15I was forever telling them, Billy, clean your room.
01:18Reginald, get your elbow out of the gravy.
01:20Nigel, take that thing back to the hospital. The whole house is full of flies.
01:28Morning, Niles.
01:29Hello, Frasier.
01:30Dad.
01:31Daphne.
01:32I can't stay. I just wanted to ask a favor. Dad, can I borrow your gun?
01:38Mara's taking swinging lessons again?
01:42No.
01:43Our home security system is down for repairs.
01:46With no electric gates, I'll just feel safer if I'm packing heat.
01:50Oh, for heaven's sake, Niles, you don't even know how to pack a lunch.
01:55Dad, please, Mara's is a wreck ever since she found out our entire neighborhood watch is wintering in Palm Beach.
02:02Forget it. You don't know the first thing about guns.
02:05I do so. I promise I'll open the spinny thing and check for bullets before I shoot anybody.
02:11Actually, Dr. Crane, your father's gun isn't a revolver.
02:15It's a Colt .45 ACP with a single stack magazine.
02:20Oh, when I first came to America, I worked at a convenience store.
02:27Dad, please.
02:28No, I don't believe in civilians having guns.
02:30This isn't fair. Mara's mother gave her a gun.
02:33Well, then Mara's mother can clean up the mess after she accidentally blows your brains out.
02:39Dad, now you're talking nonsense. Mara's mother has never cleaned anything in her life.
02:45This stinks! This is total B.S.
02:48I can't work for a chick. They're out of control.
02:51They are completely ruled by their hormones.
02:54It'll never work.
02:59All right, all right, listen up, everyone. I've been working the office.
03:02Great, fine, I got this. I got this.
03:04I got this. I got this.
03:05I got this. I got this.
03:06I got this. I got this.
03:07I got this. I got this.
03:08I got this. I got this.
03:09I got this. I got this.
03:10I got this. I got this.
03:11All right, listen up, everyone. I've been working the office.
03:13Great, fine, I got the scoop on the new boss.
03:15Is she going to fire me?
03:16Hey, first things first.
03:18Is she baggable?
03:22Forget it, bulldog. She'd have you for breakfast.
03:24Right, like I ever stick around that long.
03:29Anyway, the word is that she's like this psycho perfectionist.
03:33Everyone at her last station was scared to death of her.
03:36She's kind of becoming my idol.
03:38Hey, what if she hates sports?
03:40I need this job. I just promised my mom a new pacemaker.
03:44Think I could get her to believe I said pasta maker?
03:48Now look, there's no reason for us to give in to our insecurities.
03:55We all do good, solid shows.
03:58We hardly even know this woman. Already we're painting her as a heartless Medusa.
04:03She said my ratings are down.
04:10She said I'm not hip.
04:13Father Mike, are you alright?
04:17The little thug fired me.
04:20I'm so sorry.
04:25Did she say anything else?
04:27She said send in Frasier.
04:30Listen, tell the movers I want the couch directly in front of the bookcase.
04:41Uh-huh.
04:43Oh, have a seat.
04:45Uh-huh.
04:47Yeah.
04:49Yeah.
04:51No, not there.
04:53In front of the bookcase.
04:55Yeah.
04:57Yeah.
04:59Now look, look.
05:01I've got somebody here.
05:05Could we move the furniture later? Could we do that?
05:11Dr. Frasier Crane.
05:15Kate Costas.
05:16Kate, what a pleasure.
05:17Likewise, I've been listening to the tapes of all your shows.
05:21I love what you're doing.
05:23Really? Well, thank you very much.
05:27I like to think of my show as a haven for the tempest-tossed and the maelstrom of everyday life.
05:35Wow, you really talk that way.
05:40Anyway, your ratings are very good, but I still think we can do better.
05:45Any ideas?
05:49How to improve my show?
05:55It's a tall order.
05:59Oh, wait, you know, I was thinking of playing classical music before my intros.
06:04Let's say, perhaps, Bartok's Concerto for Orchestra in D minor.
06:09It's too high-brow. I mean, I love classical music, but to most people it's a big snore.
06:15Coincidentally, Bartok's Concerto is in C.
06:19Are you sure?
06:21Positive. I put myself through college working at a classical station.
06:25Let's talk about advertising.
06:28You've got a great face. I want to see it on T-shirts. I want to see it on park benches.
06:33I even want to see it on Frisbees.
06:35Everybody in Seattle should be tossing it, wearing it, sitting on it.
06:46You know, I hate to nitpick, but I'm certain that Concerto's in D.
06:51I was a music minor at Harvard.
06:53No, it's in C.
06:55It was commissioned by Serge Koussevitzky in 1943 for the Boston Symphony Orchestra,
07:00and since then it's been recorded over 30 times.
07:03Each time, in C.
07:09Oh, maybe you're right.
07:11Maybe I'm right.
07:14Also, I think you should start doing theme shows.
07:19Devote a whole show to people having extramarital affairs,
07:22or devote a whole show to people with aberrant sexual practices.
07:27Could you just give me a hand with that box over there?
07:30Of course.
07:33Uh, Kate.
07:38You know, that advertising thing.
07:41Very good idea.
07:42That, uh, these theme shows, uh, it's a less good idea.
07:49You might even say a worse idea.
07:52Why's that?
07:54Well, uh, I am a doctor, and, uh, I'd hate to have the serious work I do be tainted by commercialism.
08:03But you don't mind the Frisbees.
08:07Well, I don't want to be entirely uncooperative, you know.
08:12It's just that, well, you know, I've been in the radio game for some time now,
08:15and I think I've learned enough about broadcasting, as they say, to know what it is that makes my show a good show.
08:28My God, you've won six Golden Michael Awards?
08:30Aren't you sweet to know this?
08:35And finally, I would like you to start giving priority to the juicier calls.
08:40But that's called pandering.
08:43And that is called a Peabody Award.
08:49Well, what exactly do you expect me to do?
08:52Say to a caller, listen, Bob, I'm sorry you lost your job, but unemployment's a snore.
08:56Why don't you go sleep with your best friend's wife and call in on Monday
08:59when it'll be infidelity day on the Frasier Crane Show?
09:04You really know what I'm doing here.
09:07The psychiatrist at my last station went national.
09:10Well, you know, I'd rather stay local if going national means sucking at the sump pump of sensationalism.
09:17Well, I'm the boss, Doc, so pucker up.
09:23Listen, lady, I'm not changing my show.
09:26Unless you're willing to explain to the owners why you fired one of your highest-rated hosts,
09:31well, then there's nothing you can do about it, is there?
09:36Well, we're coming up on 3 a.m.
09:45Boss, who's our next caller?
09:48Who cares?
10:00I gotta disagree with your last two callers.
10:03I'm in the same line of work, and I think what we do is very important.
10:07People depend on us.
10:09I gotta go, Doc. It's time to powder the jelly donuts.
10:22Well, I hate to cut short this enthralling symposium,
10:27but perhaps we could hear from some non-bakers for a change.
10:34Wrap it up, will you? We're finally done.
10:36Oh, thank God.
10:38Stay tuned for the news, weather, and sports.
10:40This is Dr. Frasier Crane. Yada, yada, yada. Bye.
10:46We really stunk up the airwaves with that one, didn't we?
10:50Frasier, I want you to flash forward to tonight.
10:54It's sometime after midnight.
10:56Dennis Abbott and I have just had a glorious meal at Le Raleigh.
11:01Dennis has just asked me back to his penthouse apartment
11:04to see his priceless collection of silk sheets.
11:08And I lean over and whisper,
11:10I can't. I have to go to work in an hour.
11:15What is wrong with this picture?
11:19Well, for starters, you at Le Raleigh.
11:23It's a two-week wait?
11:25So is Dennis Abbott.
11:29Frasier, we have got to get our old time slot back.
11:32Don't worry, Roz, we will.
11:34She just moved us to break our spirit.
11:36Well, she can saddle me up, ride me around the coffee room.
11:40I can't do this again.
11:43Good morning.
11:44Oh, hello.
11:46Enjoying your new time slot?
11:49As a matter of fact, I found it invigorating.
11:52Didn't you, Roz?
11:53Remember that woman who called in, you know,
11:56with the delusions of grandeur?
11:59Couldn't understand why nobody liked her.
12:06Well, I hope you explained to her
12:08that it's not important that people like her.
12:11As long as they respect her.
12:13Oh, yes, respect is important.
12:15So is self-respect.
12:17Oh, yes, yes.
12:18But some people, and this is so unfortunate,
12:21don't know the difference between self-respect and pig-headedness.
12:24Yes, but those people are usually rigid little demagogues
12:28who don't know the difference between the kind of respect that is earned
12:31and the kind of respect that is irrespective of what others expect.
12:41Isn't it sad when bad things happen to good sentences?
12:47I think I made myself clear.
12:50Well, I really do have work to do.
12:52I've got to find somebody for your old time slot.
12:55Now that it's free.
12:57Good luck!
13:01Nice going, Frasier.
13:02Now she's never going to give in.
13:04Steady, Roz.
13:05She may have been able to intimidate people at other stations,
13:07but here at KACL she'll find that we are not a bunch of spineless twits.
13:14Hey!
13:15Is she gone?
13:21If you don't want this bacon, I'm giving it to Eddie.
13:24You know that bacon's not good for him.
13:27Eddie! Hey, Eddie!
13:28Come here, boy!
13:38And can't we take that stupid thing off him?
13:40No.
13:41The vet said if he scratches the scabs, they'll never heal.
13:44And I have noticed, if you sit him next to the telly,
13:47Channel 5 comes in a lot clearer.
13:53Look at him. He's humiliated.
13:57Yeah, well, it doesn't help that that bully upstairs keeps rubbing it in.
14:02You tell him, boy!
14:06Oh, for God's sake.
14:08I am trying to get some sleep.
14:10I asked you to keep that dog quiet,
14:12and instead you outfit him with a dog.
14:15You keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone.
14:29In the last 36 hours, I haven't had so much as a nap,
14:32and I've got to be back at the station by 2 a.m.
14:36Eddie, listen carefully.
14:41By the time this day is up,
14:43the bus is going to sleep.
14:47Oh, don't worry, Dr. Crane.
14:49I'll take Eddie for a walk.
14:51And as far as your problem at work goes,
14:53if you want my opinion...
14:55Don't!
14:58I had my share of women's opinions for the week
15:00between the station's new Reich's chancellor
15:03and Rosa's incessant whining.
15:06As far as I'm concerned,
15:08your entire sex can put a sock in it.
15:13Boy, you never let me get away with a comment like that.
15:16Oh, even the best of us can get a bit cranky
15:20when we're overtired.
15:22All Dr. Crane needs right now
15:25is a little peace and quiet.
15:28Eddie!
15:32Dammit!
15:39Morning, Daphne.
15:41Where are you off to?
15:42Oh, I'm taking Eddie for a walk.
15:44By yourself?
15:45Yes, of course. Why not?
15:48It's dangerous out there.
15:49You never know when you might need...
15:54one of these.
15:58A starter's pistol?
16:02Oh, I don't think so, Dr. Crane,
16:04but thanks for the thought.
16:12How did she know it wasn't a real gun?
16:14Full disservance,
16:15even the ones who spent years fleeing juntas.
16:21You bought a starter's pistol?
16:23Yes. You see, as long as Maris thinks it's real,
16:26it makes her feel secure,
16:27but this way, no one can get hurt.
16:36What the hell was that?
16:39Was that a gunshot?
16:41Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
16:43Just getting up!
16:47Are you out of your mind?
16:49A gun just went off in here!
16:51Niles bought a starter's pistol.
16:53And there's no need to get snippy.
16:55Accidents happen, you know.
16:57Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy?
17:01I didn't realize it was too much to ask
17:03that there not be gunplay in my living room!
17:09You know, Niles, you shouldn't have any kind of gun, really.
17:14Come to think of it,
17:16now that Mr. Sunshine's home during the day,
17:18maybe I shouldn't either.
17:22Just relax.
17:24It won't be long before my loyal fans protest,
17:27and the afternoon sloth is once again home
17:31to the compassionate and lovable Dr. Frasier Crane.
17:36Now get the hell out, both of you.
17:41All right, maybe I can catch up to Daphne in the park.
17:44I'll cover you.
17:53Hello, Seattle.
17:55This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
17:57I'll be taking your calls for the next four hours.
17:59Roz, who's on the line?
18:01How should I know? I just got here.
18:06Hello, line two.
18:08You're on with Dr. Frasier Crane.
18:10Uh, hey, Dr. Crane.
18:12It's Mark.
18:14Hello, Mark. I'm listening.
18:16Okay, uh, well,
18:19I work at this all-night mini-mart,
18:21and, um, I've been watching myself on the video camera,
18:25and the camera me is doing things I don't approve of.
18:36What?
18:42People think insomnia is a laughing matter,
18:46but it's hell.
18:48If I don't get some sleep soon,
18:51I'll go crazy.
18:53You've got to help me, Dr. Crane.
18:57This is Dr. Crane.
19:00Hey, I'm talking here.
19:05What?
19:07I'm listening.
19:13So what do you think I should do?
19:19Well, you know,
19:21sometimes these things seem clearer in the light of day.
19:25Um, my advice is to sleep on it.
19:29Is that some kind of a joke?
19:33To make fun of the insomniac?
19:35Oh, no.
19:42Oh, oh, and now for a word from, um, uh, uh,
19:47someone.
19:49Uh, I forget.
19:51I think they sell paint.
19:53I forget. I think they sell paint.
20:03You hear that whooshing sound?
20:05It's my career going down the toilet.
20:09Thank God, Ross, I don't think I've helped a single person tonight.
20:12Helped? You'll be lucky if you don't get sued.
20:15You told a longshoreman to come out of the closet
20:18and a gay guy to spend more time on the docks.
20:24Well, you're the one who's supposed to keep track of who's on what line.
20:27Okay, let me make it easy for you.
20:29Freaks! Freaks on line one! Freaks on line two! Freaks!
20:32Everyone!
20:33Ross, Ross, Ross.
20:35We shouldn't get mad at each other.
20:38This is all Kate's fault.
20:41You're right, right. She's ruining us and there's nothing we can do.
20:46Yes, there is.
20:48If we're gonna go down, we're gonna take her down with us.
20:51We've got one hour left.
20:52If she wants raunch, we're gonna give her more raunch than she ever dreamed of.
20:55Are you with me, Ross?
20:57Just pump up the volume and call me Kitty.
20:59Okay.
21:03We're back, Seattle.
21:05And in accordance with new station policy,
21:08we are going to be pandering to the lowest human instinct.
21:11In other words, who wants to talk about sex?
21:15Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
21:19Yeah!
21:23I wanna know who's having sex, how you're having it.
21:26I wanna know if you're having it right now.
21:31Look, Dr. King, the lines are hot. Really hot.
21:37Thank you, Kitty.
21:39Hello, caller. What are you wearing?
21:42Nothing. I'm naked.
21:45Hey, that's a great idea.
21:48Let's all get naked. Hey, I'm getting naked right now.
21:54Well, Dr. Crane-Strips, our new station manager,
21:57would like to know if you prefer to be the spanker or the spanky.
22:02Oh, definitely the spanker.
22:04Well, then hop in the cab.
22:07I'm not wearing any pants.
22:11While Roz laces up her leather bustier,
22:14this is Dr. Fraser Crane, K-A-C-L,
22:19all talk, all night, all naked.
22:27Explain.
22:29As George Bernard Shaw once said,
22:32there are two tragedies in life.
22:35One is not getting what we want,
22:37the other is getting it.
22:39You know full well this is not what I wanted.
22:42You did this to vex me.
22:46And you succeeded.
22:49And it was not Shaw, it was Oscar Wilde.
22:52Did you ever open a book at Harvard?
22:55You know, one of these days,
22:58you're going to misquote someone,
23:00and I'm gonna land on you like a sumo wrestler.
23:04All I wanted, all I wanted was a lousy little theme show,
23:08once or twice a week.
23:10Yeah, but Fraser Crane takes a leering look at infidelity.
23:15No, not a leering look, just a good look
23:18at the pain of infidelity,
23:20at what it does to families,
23:21at what it does to children,
23:22at what it does to the fabric of society.
23:25And this is just off the top of my head.
23:27But no, you are successful.
23:30And this is just off the top of my head.
23:32But no, you are such an arrogant gasbag,
23:35so used to being cock of the walk around here,
23:38that you can't stand still for one minute
23:40and listen to a perfectly valid suggestion from somebody else.
23:44And you are such a smug egomaniac
23:47that your entire self-image would shatter like a cheap mirror
23:50if you ever had to admit that you had made a mistake.
23:54What a classic case of neurotic narcissism
23:57and a first-class smarty pants!
24:04You can go ahead and fire me now.
24:06Yes, I could do that.
24:09Yes.
24:11But I'm not going to.
24:16Did you listen to the whole tape?
24:20Oh, yeah.
24:21But unlike you,
24:23I put what's good for this station
24:25above my personal feelings.
24:28Well, that's awfully big of you.
24:32Guess that means I'll be moving back to my old time slot.
24:36Guess again, Captain Midnight.
24:40If I give you back your old time slot
24:42without your making a single concession to me,
24:45that would completely undermine my authority.
24:48Being a crack shrink,
24:50surely that's within your grasp.
24:52Grasp this.
24:54If I don't get my old time slot, I quit.
24:57Grasp this.
24:58You do, and I'll sue you for breach of contract.
25:02Okay, then it's a stalemate.
25:05And if we don't want to remain entrenched in these positions forever,
25:08one of us had better think of something.
25:10Yes, one of us better.
25:25I got it! Damn!
25:32So we're together, right?
25:33Absolutely.
25:35We're not letting her push us around any longer.
25:37Nope.
25:38You do the talking.
25:39I'll stand behind you and burn holes through her with my
25:43you-call-this-a-Hollandaise sauce glare.
25:47I don't care what you say.
25:48I like things your way.
25:51I don't care what you say.
25:52I like theme shows, and I'm going to do them.
25:55Starting this Friday with Frasier Crane
25:57takes a look at the consequences of infidelity.
25:59You do, and I'll make you start that show with classical music.
26:03Bartok's Concerto in C.
26:04I don't care how much you hate it.
26:06Damn you!
26:09It's my way or no way.
26:14You win. Bartok it is.
26:17What are you two up to?
26:19Nothing.
26:20Keep up the good work.
26:32Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:35For salads and scrambled eggs
26:38Oh, my
26:40And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:43Maybe I seem a bit confused
26:45Well, maybe
26:46But I got you pegged
26:51But I don't know what to do
26:53With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:58They're calling again
27:01Goodnight!