Frasier Season 9 Episode 13 Mother Load Pt 2
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00would live here. Are you asking me? Would you like to? Would you like me to? Yeah. Then I will.
00:11I gave the greatest speech of my condo board career, which led to a vote, which led to the
00:18ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the sub-basement.
00:24I think that's smart, taking off the guy who lives right above us. Well, the move's off.
00:31What? Just temporarily. My parents are coming for a visit.
00:36Just to clarify, you're going to stay here, but your parents are going to stay with me.
00:41I'm so glad you understand.
00:45If she thinks you're a virgin, how are you going to explain our plan to live together?
00:49I wonder how important it is that she ever finds out.
00:54Dad scarpered. He left?
00:57That's true. Thank goodness I have my children to lean upon.
01:04Oh, don't cry, Mum. I really thought this junket to America would cheer you up.
01:09It still can. Get out there and see the country.
01:13Yes, immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States. This
01:21America. How did you do that?
01:28Cam Winston.
01:35It was a good idea taking Mum out today. Help take her mind off Dad.
01:40Yeah, I'm not sure the zoo was the best idea.
01:45Sight of those amorous Wolverines seemed to set her back a bit.
01:50Amorous? I thought they were trying to kill each other.
01:55Either way, it seemed to remind her of something.
02:01Hello, Mrs Moon. Would you care for a bite to eat?
02:06Oh, I would be lovely if I thought I could keep anything down.
02:12How could your father do this to me?
02:16You sleep down the hall from someone for 40 years, you think you know them.
02:23I know you're upset, Mum, but it's not like you and Dad had a perfect marriage.
02:29That's because there's no such thing. You young modern people think marriage is some sort of
02:35promenade through paradise, when it's more like a march through hell with a man strapped to your
02:41back and a litter of nasty babies swinging from your teeth.
02:48I mean, obviously, this is a very upsetting time for all of us.
02:52But remember, tomorrow is another day.
02:55You're right, dear. And the sooner you get home to bed, the sooner it'll be here.
03:00But it's only 9.30.
03:02And with every tick of the clock, your womanly resistance weakens.
03:07And before you know it, he'll be on top of you like one of those bloody badgers at the zoo.
03:16Actually, those were wolverines, and there's a chance they may have been fighting.
03:22It has been a long day. Maybe it's best if I leave.
03:26All right.
03:27I'll see you tomorrow, Mum.
03:33Good night, Niles.
03:34Good night.
03:36Oh, hey, you still up?
03:55I can't sleep.
03:59Every time I look outside, I feel like I'm living inside a giant clown's pocket.
04:07I'll tell you, Cam Winston has not heard the last of this.
04:12I'm calling an emergency meeting at the condo board tomorrow morning.
04:15You can't fight this, Frasier. It'll just look like you're attacking the flag.
04:19I'm not attacking the flag. Cam is using the flag to attack me.
04:23You're right, but you're still going to lose.
04:26But the building has bylaws about this sort of thing.
04:28If this was anything but the American flag, people would demand that it be taken down.
04:33Face it, Frasier, Cam's got you on this one.
04:37Boy, I have to say, that guy is smart.
04:40Oh, really? Well, if he's so smart and you're so smart, why don't you two live together?
04:48At least he's got a view.
04:54Look!
04:55What on earth do you think you're doing?
04:57Oh, sorry, I didn't know you was here.
05:01Oh, Frasier, this is Loretta.
05:05Loretta, well, you know who you are.
05:12I love your curtains.
05:18I'm sorry, miss, but we are not entertaining guests this evening. You'll have to leave.
05:23Wait, you told me this was your place.
05:27You're probably not even the Duke of England.
05:30Oh, yeah? Then why do I talk this way?
05:34Well, you're just a big contraceptive, aren't you?
05:45Just about had it with you, Simon.
05:48You have blown my speakers, you have clogged my jacuzzi,
05:54and you have ingested half of my bath products.
05:59You are no longer welcome in my home.
06:01What exactly are you implying?
06:03Get out!
06:07Frasier, you can't throw him out. Where's he gonna go?
06:10Oh, he'll land on his feet.
06:13Probably end up shacking up with some two-bit floozy.
06:22Simon!
06:26What are you doing here?
06:29Love, it appears that the front door to the building is locked.
06:36Yeah, that's how we keep drunks from wandering in.
06:39Well, I seem to be without appropriate accommodation at the moment.
06:43I just thought I'd take you up on your kind and generous offer.
06:47I never said you could stay here.
06:49Frasier's thrown me out.
06:52Sleep in Martin's Winnebago.
06:54Well, wouldn't I love to do that?
06:56But when I got down there, there was this gigantic humvee blocking the door.
07:02Simon, this isn't my problem.
07:06You have got to go.
07:08Look, Roz, I'll level with you.
07:12I know that we've had a chequered history,
07:16and I'm probably not the sort of person that you want in your house.
07:22But I'm asking for your help.
07:25There's a friend.
07:28That's Daphne's brother.
07:29Please, just let me stay one night.
07:35You won't even notice me.
07:37Just look, the tiniest spot on the floor would be a gift.
07:42Look, I'll be gone in the morning.
07:44I'll never darken your doorstep again.
07:46Please, Roz, I've got nowhere else to go.
07:55All right, I'll make up the couch for you.
08:00Oh, thank you, Roz.
08:02You have got a good heart.
08:06Climb on up, Susie.
08:12She can swim in a bowl for two hours,
08:14but she can't climb up a drainpipe to save her life.
08:24Heads up, Susie!
08:29Two, please.
08:31Two?
08:35Well, show us what you've got.
08:37I've got a king, a jack, a ten, and two sixes.
08:47Two sixes, then.
08:49And a king.
08:50I'm sorry, love, I've got aces over juices.
08:53Well, that's, uh, that's the last of my mad money.
08:57I guess I'll have to win it back some other night.
09:00You'd better make it soon.
09:01I won't be around much longer.
09:03Not if you keep biting those filters off, you won't.
09:08No, I mean, I'll be going back to England soon.
09:13Well, it's nice enough here,
09:16but you and Daphne aren't the most happy couple.
09:18But you and Daphne aren't the most exciting people, are you?
09:24No, as soon as I've sorted myself out, Simon and I are back on the plane.
09:28Really? You are?
09:30Can I do anything to help sort?
09:33Thank you, no.
09:36Oh, the shock's worn off, really.
09:38And I've come to realize I've spent most of my life
09:41taking care of a layabout husband.
09:44Well, now it's my turn to be taken care of.
09:48Thank God I've got Simon.
09:57Simon's going to be taking care of you?
09:59Oh, well, of course he will.
10:01I know he plays the fool sometimes, but he'd never let me down.
10:07Well, you've made a lot of progress in a short amount of time,
10:12and, uh, I can't tell you how happy I am.
10:15Oh.
10:18You good for a few more hands?
10:20Why not?
10:21Uh, I'm out of money.
10:23Oh, not to worry.
10:25We can play for rubs.
10:29Oh!
10:30I'll get my coin collection.
10:46Still awake, Dr Craig?
10:49Yes.
10:51It's almost dawn's early light.
10:56And our flag is still there.
11:04Daphne!
11:06As a subject of the British realm,
11:09um, does it make you feel uncomfortable
11:14to have your residence draped in the American flag?
11:18And if so, would you be willing to say that at a condo board meeting?
11:23Personally, I find it a cozy reminder of the land I dreamed of living in as a child.
11:37Off I go.
11:40Simon, I thought Dr Craig kicked you out.
11:53He did. You don't see me.
11:55What are you doing here?
11:57Well, I'm just getting some provisions for my trip.
12:03What trip?
12:04Well, I just thought I'd go meet some mates in California.
12:08You can't run out on Mum.
12:09She's counting on you.
12:10She's cut the other boys back home.
12:13They've all sided with Dad.
12:14You know that.
12:15You're all she's got.
12:17I'm not cut out to take care of Mum.
12:19She's too demanding.
12:21She turned Dad into a shiftless drinker.
12:25I can't have her doing that to me.
12:31So you're just gonna leave in the middle of the night and not even tell her?
12:34Look, Stiltz, if you want to take care of Mum, that's your choice.
12:38I've got to live my life.
12:40You are so selfish.
12:42For once in your life, you have a chance to be responsible,
12:46be a man, do right by your family.
12:48Why don't you think about that before you go flitting off to California?
12:54I'm sorry, Daphne.
12:56Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I don't have it in me.
13:02It's not who I am.
13:08I'll see you.
13:30Wait, wait, wait.
13:30Quiet, quiet, quiet.
13:31Don't wake your mother.
13:32I just got her down.
13:34What are you doing here?
13:35Something terrible has happened.
13:38Simon's left.
13:40What do you mean, left?
13:41He's gone.
13:43He's left me to take care of Mum.
13:45I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I may have to go back to Manchester with her for a while.
13:49No, no, no, you can't do that.
13:51You have a life here.
13:52Well, what am I supposed to do?
13:54I can't have a stay at Dr. Crane's.
13:55There's no room.
13:57Well, you can both live here.
13:59Oh, Daz, you know she'll never go for it.
14:02Oh, Daz, you know she'll never go for that arrangement.
14:08Bit late at night for a single lady to be in a man's home, isn't it?
14:14I'm here because Simon's left.
14:17Off to California to do God knows what.
14:22Oh.
14:24Well.
14:25Oh, that's courageous.
14:27Good to see him finally taking charge of his life.
14:31He's not taking charge.
14:33He left because he doesn't want to take care of you.
14:36That is not so.
14:38Simon is a special boy.
14:40He wasn't meant to be kept at home.
14:43He has dreams.
14:44You wouldn't understand that.
14:46Now, you listen to me, Mum.
14:48In case you haven't noticed, I've got dreams too.
14:52I even moved halfway across the world to make a life for myself.
14:56Do you admire that?
14:58No, you don't even acknowledge it.
15:00Oh, and by the way, I'm no virgin.
15:04Haven't been for years.
15:06You remember that boy with the lazy eye you hated so much?
15:10Yeah, he was my first.
15:12Did it right in the parlor while you take your tea.
15:15Then there was the German who fixed Dad's car.
15:18Oh, yeah, and that Irish chap I fancied who was twice my age and had his own van and a band.
15:24Then I came to America.
15:25Shall I go on?
15:27Well, I am a grown woman who's made her own life and her own decisions.
15:32Now, I plan to shack up with Niles here and damned if we aren't going to do it every night of the week.
15:45Now, that's the way it's going to be, Mum, and if you don't like it, that's just tough.
15:51Is that so?
15:53Well, if that's how you repay me for all my sacrifice...
15:57Oh, don't even start.
15:59Fine.
16:00Just for that, I'm not spending another night under this roof.
16:04I intend to fetch my things, find a hotel and be on the first flight home tomorrow.
16:11Excuse me.
16:18Oh, my God, look at me. I'm shaking.
16:20I...
16:21It just came gushing out.
16:23Once I started, I couldn't stop.
16:25I know. It's all right. It's all right.
16:26You were great. You were great.
16:27I have never been prouder of you.
16:30I can't believe I talked to my mother that way.
16:32Yeah, you must have been pretty outraged to have invented all those...
16:37...former lovers.
16:43What?
16:44All those former lovers.
16:45Oh, yes, right, of course.
16:50I'm actually surprised she's leaving so easily.
16:53I thought she'd milk it a bit more.
16:56Just so you know, I won't be needing a lift to the hotel.
16:59I should call a taxi.
17:01Whatever you want.
17:03You'll see.
17:04I don't need any of you rotten ingrates.
17:06I can take care of meself.
17:08Glad to hear it.
17:15Ow!
17:16Ow!
17:18Ow!
17:19Are you hurt?
17:20Oh, of course I'm hurt.
17:22Oh, get me ice.
17:24All right, all right, all right.
17:24And whiskey.
17:25Okay.
17:27Not that cheap stuff.
17:29I don't know how I'm gonna fly now.
17:32The pain is unbearable.
17:36Though I know I'm not welcome here.
17:39Oh, I can't say I blame you.
17:42No sense burdening yourself with an old woman.
17:48Who can't take care of herself.
17:53And has nowhere else to go.
17:59Oh, don't be silly.
18:05You can stay here as long as you like.
18:08Well, move along.
18:09The whiskey's not pouring itself.
18:19Are we fiercely patriotic?
18:22Yes.
18:24But how do we best demonstrate that?
18:28Not by infringing on the rights and balconies of others.
18:38But as most good Americans do, in our hearts, with generous spirit and quiet reverence.
18:49I respectfully submit that when we display the flag as Mr. Winston has,
18:57it flies in the face of the very freedoms for which it stands.
19:08Cam, rebuttal?
19:13The last thing I wanted was to create conflict.
19:19I was merely trying to boost the morale of the community.
19:23And so you have.
19:27I move that the flag stays.
19:33Very well then, but perhaps, perhaps we could display it on the
19:40north side of the building for the benefit of our Canadian neighbors.
19:46And that was my first instinct, but it can be illuminated at night from that side.
19:52Lighting is a must.
19:55That is settled.
19:58Hold on a second.
20:03You people are being hoodwinked.
20:05The only reason Cam hung that flag was to get the better of me.
20:09He knows I bought the apartment for its view.
20:11No, you bought that apartment because you're free.
20:16Maybe you can have a view from your balcony in Iraq.
20:20Yes, move to Iraq.
20:29Wait!
20:32I am just as much an American as every one of you.
20:36So, perhaps Cam could just tell us how long he intends to display our beautiful flag.
20:49How about until there's world peace?
20:52Oh, that's a good idea.
20:54Oh, come on!
20:56There's never going to be world peace!
21:01Maybe there would be world peace if there were more people like Cam.
21:06And fewer people like you!
21:08Oh, they're just as sick as we are!
21:10Oh, beautiful for spacious skies,
21:16For amber waves of grain,
21:22For purple mountain majesties
21:28Above the fruited plain.
21:35America!
21:39All right, what do you want?
21:41Your parking spot.
21:44You make all this stop?
21:46Well, there is a matter with the flag.
21:48I can't just take it down now.
21:51All right, so just the roof.
21:53I'll even spring for the flagpole.
22:00Everyone!
22:01Hey, everyone!
22:02Everyone!
22:04Yeah, the America we love is one of good neighbors.
22:12In order to foster that, I have decided to move my flag to the roof.
22:19This will not only serve to mend fences,
22:24but it will provide all of Seattle a view of our precious stars and stripes.
22:30You've done it again, Cam!
22:36And in the spirit of reciprocity, I will provide the flagpole.
22:47And any necessary lighting.
22:50Credit grabber.
22:52Oh, come on, we're all in agreement here.
22:56Oh, beautiful for spacious skies.
23:03Come on, everybody.
23:05For amber waves of grain.
23:10All right, I'll see you next week.
23:19How'd things go with the doctor?
23:20Couldn't find anything wrong with the knee, big surprise.
23:24Then why did they give me sedatives, Smarty?
23:27Because I begged him.
23:31Oh, fetch me me water.
23:33Oh, I'll get it.
23:35I know how she likes it.
23:36Oh, but I know where the glasses are.
23:42I am so sorry about this.
23:45All right, we'll manage.
23:46I can live with anything, as long as I can live with you.
23:50I'm still waiting out here.
23:54It's coming! Pipe down!
23:56Why? Am I interrupting your dirty sex?
24:04It's gonna be interesting, the three of us living together.
24:07Daphne, this is stupid.
24:09We should just wait till she's gone.
24:11No, I said I was moving in and I'm going to.
24:15It took you your whole life to assert your independence from this woman.
24:19I can't ask you to live under the same roof with her.
24:21Well, I can't ask you to live with her, either.
24:23Oh, well, it's just temporary.
24:26You know what? She bothers you a lot more than she bothers me.
24:30Don't empty the sink. I'm soaking me smalls.
24:40Well, we've waited this long.
24:44I love you, Niles.
24:46I love you, too.
24:47And I promise, as soon as she's on a plane for England, I'm here.
24:56Mrs. Moon, did the doctor mention anything about when you'd be able to fly?
25:01No, didn't say a word about flying.
25:05That's probably a bad sign, eh?
25:09Yeah.
25:17Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:25Quite stylish.
25:27And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:30Well, maybe.
25:31But I got you pegged.
25:36But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:43They're calling again.
25:46Frasier has left the building.