Frasier Season 9 Episode 12 Mother Load Pt 1
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Excuse me, Cam.
00:18Oh, hello, Frazier.
00:23Still driving a sedan?
00:24Yes, well, at least mine fits in the allotted space.
00:28Unlike this new behemoth you're driving.
00:32Actually, it's the Behemoth XL.
00:35Well, you scare getting out.
00:38Come back here, you know very well I can't get out.
00:42Oh, I'm sorry.
00:45Let me see what I can do about that.
00:51Oh, tough break.
00:55If I move, I'll be over the line on the other side.
00:58But you're over the line on this side.
01:00Actually, if you were standing out here, you would see that I'm just on the line, which, as we both know, is in.
01:07If I was standing out there, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
01:11I wish I could help.
01:13Maybe next time you'll think twice before calling the police when I have a party.
01:19What makes you think it was me?
01:21You're the only one in the building I didn't invite.
01:31Oh, for fuck's sake.
02:02Oh.
02:16Thanks again for the ride, Russ.
02:18No problem.
02:19Isn't this a lot of stuff for just one night?
02:22Oh, it's not for one night.
02:24Nels and I have decided to keep a few things at each other's houses.
02:28You know, save running back and forth.
02:31There you are.
02:32I thought I heard you come in.
02:34Oh.
02:35Hey, Roz.
02:37Nels?
02:38My God, what is all that?
02:42Well, it's just the stuff I'm going to be keeping at your place.
02:45Oh, Roz, since you're here, do you mind giving me a ride?
02:47What's wrong with your car?
02:49Uh, I had to lend it to Frazier.
02:51His is drying out.
02:52Long story.
02:55Well, uh, I don't think I'm going to be able to get all that stuff in my car.
02:59Oh.
03:00Oh, well, I'm sure once we get the rest of Daphne's stuff out, there'll be plenty of room.
03:03These are all my things.
03:07Oh, well, uh, I guess I could do without this dressing gown.
03:15Oh, but what if I'm wearing dark pajamas?
03:18Yeah, that would be all crazy.
03:22Niles, maybe if I take this seat out of my car, I can cram all this stuff in.
03:27Yeah, that might work, but let's not move anything until Niles and I have had a little discussion about this.
03:34Um, well, I definitely know I'm going to need this one.
03:38Oh, I'll take it down.
03:40Okay, thanks.
03:41Niles, what do you have in here?
03:43Niles.
03:49Something wrong?
03:50Where are we supposed to put all this?
03:52I cleared out two drawers, is it, Phil?
03:54Two closets.
03:55Well, we said we'd both bring whatever we needed for any eventuality.
03:59Isn't there anything you can leave behind?
04:01I don't see how.
04:02I have formal, semi-formal, déshabille, wet weather, cold weather, cloudy.
04:07I mean, if there's something here you find excessive, jump right in.
04:11I just don't have the space, and I don't see your brother giving up any of his.
04:16Maybe this isn't going to work.
04:18I'm sorry, I thought this would make things easier.
04:21And it would if I had more room.
04:24You're right, I was thoughtless of me.
04:28I'm just used to rattling around here all by myself.
04:33Sometimes I think this is too much space for just one person.
04:42You know...
04:43Yes?
04:46You could live here.
04:48Are you asking me?
04:50Would you like to?
04:52Would you like me to?
04:55Yeah.
04:57Then I will.
04:59Okay.
05:03Wow!
05:06That was a big thing.
05:08I'll say.
05:09I'm going to live in your apartment.
05:11Our apartment.
05:12Our apartment.
05:13Oh, my, I'm going to have to practice saying that.
05:16Let's go back to our apartment.
05:18Why don't we meet at our apartment?
05:20Oh, my.
05:21Our apartment has a gas leak.
05:23Oh, no!
05:24Our apartment's going to explode!
05:27Oh, no!
05:28There goes our apartment!
05:32So what else are we taking?
05:34Good news, Roz.
05:36Niles and I are moving in together.
05:38Oh, hey, that's great news.
05:41So I didn't have to strip two bolts and grease up my shirt.
05:45Moving the seat out after all.
05:47Nope, and you didn't need to take Niles' ties down, either.
05:50No, no, no, but I will get the ties.
05:52You stay here in our apartment.
05:54Our living room.
05:56Our fireplace.
05:57Our kitchen.
05:58Yes.
05:59Our bedroom.
06:01Our bedroom.
06:05I'll get the ties.
06:18You should have been at the condo board meeting, Dad.
06:20You missed all the excitement.
06:23Now, don't tell me people argued about some dumb building policy
06:28and then you all had cookies.
06:32Not this time.
06:34I gave the greatest speech of my condo board career,
06:40which led to a vote, which led to the ruling
06:42that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his
06:46in the sub-basement.
06:50Then we had cookies.
06:53My mistake.
06:55How did Cam take it?
06:56He was livid, thank you.
07:00But I pointed out that the emissions from his oversized vehicle
07:03endangered the health of anyone passing through the lobby,
07:06and I won the day.
07:08People bought that?
07:10Dead.
07:12I am an orator.
07:15It is not only that which is said, but the passion with which it is said.
07:20You're saying it now, and it just sounds like a lot of hooey.
07:26That's because I'm not orating right now.
07:29Oh, just go back to your paper.
07:36Ah.
07:37Good afternoon again, Cam.
07:39Listen, Crane, you may have bamboozled the condo board,
07:44but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass
07:48with that BMW.
07:53Cam, if there is any benefit to me, it is the cleaner air
07:57which we will all now breathe.
07:59Oh, get off your high horse.
08:01You do your share of polluting with that substitute for masculinity
08:05you're driving.
08:07If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what is yours?
08:11Bigger.
08:13Ha!
08:16That wasn't funny.
08:20I'm sorry, Cam, but I believe the issue is closed.
08:23It was voted on by the majority.
08:25In the spirit of the great democracy that is America,
08:28I believe that is check and made good day.
08:33Boo-hoo, Cam.
08:35No more blocking my driver's side door.
08:38You think that's smart, taking off the guy who lives right above us?
08:41Dad, we are protected by this building's constitution.
08:44Believe me, I will have Cam cited for a noise violation
08:47if he so much as drops a hint.
08:52Hi.
08:54Hello, I'm glad you're both here.
08:57We have news.
09:00I'm moving in with Niles.
09:03Oh, that is a big decision.
09:07My goodness.
09:09Congratulations.
09:11Well, it's not going to be the same around here without you.
09:15Don't worry, I'll still be around plenty,
09:18even if I'm not living here.
09:21Hello?
09:23Oh, Mum.
09:26Yeah, I'm sorry, I've been meaning to call,
09:29but Dr Crane yells at me whenever I phone long distance.
09:32I do not. Let her say whatever she needs to.
09:34Yeah, and poor old Mr Crane, he's so feeble
09:37he can't even make it to the loo by himself.
09:39Hey!
09:43Can you believe it?
09:45I am actually going to be living under the same roof
09:48with the woman I adore.
09:50If you had told me two years ago that this was going to happen,
09:52I would have said you were crazy.
09:54I know exactly how you feel, Niles.
09:56You know, I used to think that Cam Winston's SUV was immovable,
09:59and now look at me.
10:04Well, I think this calls for a celebration.
10:06How about some champagne?
10:08Stay there, I'll get the dom.
10:12Well, it's the end of an era.
10:16Yeah.
10:18It's been the three of us under this roof for nine years.
10:22Do you remember when Daphne first came here?
10:25She was so young and naive.
10:28I didn't think she'd last a week.
10:30Yet she somehow managed to forge a relationship
10:35with a blustery psychiatrist and a crotchety old man.
10:42And with me, too.
10:50Yes, Dad, with you, too.
10:53Well, we knew she wouldn't be around forever,
10:56but I never would have guessed she'd end up with Niles.
11:00I know.
11:02It's been so far since the dark days of Maris and Mel.
11:08Well, I guess from now on, it's just you and I.
11:12You and me, Dad.
11:15This is gonna be great.
11:20So, Niles, when is moving day?
11:23As soon as possible.
11:24Once we've made a decision, neither of us wants to waste a second.
11:28Well, the move's off.
11:30What?
11:31Just temporarily. My parents are coming for a visit.
11:34Well, what does that have to do with us living together?
11:38Well, I just think with all the confusion there is involved with the move,
11:42it's best if we wait till after they leave.
11:44Or we could call a mover and have your stuff over at my place by tomorrow.
11:49And your parents could stay with us.
11:51Niles, that is so sweet. I know they'll love that.
11:56But I think I should wait until after their visit to move.
12:01Daphne, what's going on?
12:02Nothing. I just think, well, why rush?
12:07Moving is something to be enjoyed.
12:14So, just to clarify, you're going to stay here,
12:18but your parents are going to stay with me.
12:21I'm so glad you understand.
12:24Daphne's not having trouble with her luggage.
12:27I should have gone with her to the airport.
12:29What kind of impression does it make that I didn't go with her?
12:32She didn't want you to go with her.
12:34Yuck. What does that say?
12:36Niles, will you relax? You always make a good first impression.
12:40Second impression.
12:41The first impression I made when I kidnapped their daughter from her wedding.
12:47Oh, God.
12:48Where are my crab croquettes?
12:50Put them in the warming oven.
12:51They'll dry out.
12:52Well, then I'll serve them.
12:53No, they'll get cold.
12:54Oh, I don't know, I don't know.
12:57Now, now, crab croquettes.
13:01It's showtime. Keep your wits about you.
13:03All right, I'll just follow your lead.
13:10Oh, Mrs. Moon, welcome, come this way.
13:15Oh, Mrs. Moon, welcome, come in.
13:19Mum, you remember Niles?
13:21Of course.
13:22You know, I was quite cross with you when you stole my daughter away from that rich lawyer.
13:29But from the looks of this place, you do all right.
13:34Nice to see you again, Mrs. Moon and Martin Crane.
13:37Oh, of course.
13:39You're the one who's kind enough to keep my daughter employed.
13:43It's not kindness, she does a great job.
13:46Well, she does what she can with what God gave her.
13:53Um, where's Mr. Moon?
13:55Oh, well, actually, there's been a slight change of plans.
13:58Hello, hello.
14:01Simon, Simon.
14:03Ah, buddy, how you doing?
14:05Well, I'm thirsty for start.
14:08Then let's take care of that.
14:10Oh, I could use a tiny little something meself.
14:16What is your brother doing here?
14:18My dad couldn't make it, so Mum brought him instead.
14:21Why? Why didn't your dad come?
14:23I don't know, I'm disappointed, but I'm not surprised.
14:26Dad doesn't like to travel.
14:28Why not?
14:29You know, that flight made my feet swell up like a couple of Christmas hams.
14:35Oh, Simon, give them a rub.
14:38A rub them halfway across the Atlantic.
14:41Frasier, I got an idea. Why doesn't Simon stay with us?
14:47Oh, that's very kind of you, Marty.
14:50Yes, well, it is, except that, um, well, I think there'll be more room here at Niles's.
14:57Oh, yes, although Frasier's apartment is closer to a pizza restaurant.
15:03Yes, but Niles's is closer to a liquor mart.
15:07No, no, no, I don't want you boys fighting over me.
15:12Dad, how many channels does that satellite of yours get?
15:15500.
15:16We have a winner!
15:21Mum, your room's going to be down that hallway on the left if you'd like to freshen up.
15:26Oh, look who's the lady of the house.
15:30Spend a lot of time here, do you?
15:33Are you kidding? She probably had it off in every room.
15:38Simon Moon, bite your tongue. My baby girl's a virgin.
15:44Isn't that so, Daphne?
15:47Of course, Mum.
15:49It's you who'll have your leg over any filth that moves.
15:54I don't care if they're moving.
16:01Um, Daphne, can I see you in the kitchen for just a sec, excuse me?
16:05Should we stop at the supermarket on the way home?
16:08I'm very fond of those ham and cheese Hot Pockets that you had last year.
16:13Oh, I keep those stocked. Everything's just like you remember.
16:17Well, there has been one small change.
16:20The liquor cabinet has a lock.
16:24No, my new moped had a lock too.
16:28Ha ha!
16:32My mother is very old-fashioned.
16:35But if she thinks you're a virgin, how are you going to explain our plan to live together?
16:40I wonder how important it is that she ever finds out.
16:44Well, what are you saying? We're just not going to tell her?
16:47Well, I can still get my mail at your brother's and my phone messages, and we can screen calls here.
16:53That's ridiculous. We're adults. We're not going to sneak around like this.
16:56Well, it's not forever. Mum's getting on in years, and she smokes like a chimney.
17:05Your mother really thinks you're still a virgin?
17:09Oh, Niles. Who cares what Mum thinks?
17:15Daphne!
17:16Fresh!
17:27Hey, you better not let Frasier see you wipe your hands on the couch.
17:31He's mad enough that you ate that stuff he puts on his face.
17:35I'm telling you, it was marmalade.
17:42Do you mind? Feed off the furniture.
17:44Oi, you heard Eddie. Get off. Go on.
17:48He's talking to you.
17:51Daphne, dear.
17:54Daphne, dear. I've finally figured out what's wrong with your outfit.
18:00It's made for a smaller woman.
18:05Now, hold on. I was there when she picked out that outfit. I think it's absolutely...
18:09Thanks for dinner, Niles. That was really great.
18:13You're welcome. Well, the best is still ahead.
18:16Wait till you taste the apple crisp that Daphne made for dessert.
18:21Is that that delicious apple thing with crispy bits on top?
18:28We still have ice cream.
18:30Oh, wow. This is getting embarrassing.
18:34Simon, how could you?
18:36Well, the ice cream was Marty's idea.
18:39Only the first bowl.
18:41Daphne, don't go picking on your brother. I'll just have me tea.
18:47Niles, be a dear and get me a pillow for me head.
18:50Oh, and I wouldn't get too settled in.
18:52You'll need to take me home soon so I can take me medicine.
18:56I thought I suggested you bring that with you.
19:00Daphne, dear, aren't you lucky to be dating a man who's always right?
19:09I'll just go put the kettle on.
19:13Mum, I wish you'd stop bossing everyone around.
19:16Oh, listen to my silly girl.
19:19If she knew how to deal with men, she'd have a husband by now.
19:26There you go. Just rest your head and I'll see how Frasier's doing with the kettle.
19:33Rose, you're looking fit.
19:37You know, I'd have gone too if I'd known you were going to dinner.
19:42I hope you've left room for afters.
19:48I have a boyfriend now, Simon, so you can just lay off.
19:52You what? I thought you would wait for my return.
19:59Oh, well. Let's have another go then for old time's sake.
20:05We never had a go.
20:07We didn't? Who was that then?
20:14The last five days that woman has made my life a living hell.
20:18You want a trade?
20:20Simon put my $65 apricot skin polish on his muffins.
20:28Simon is a bore, but at least he's not cruel.
20:31You hear the way she talks to Daphne and Daphne just takes it.
20:36Well, it's understandable, Miles.
20:39I mean, after all, she only sees her mother rarely.
20:43I suppose it's just easier to bite her tongue than to engage in some kind of ugly confrontation.
20:49Well, maybe so, but that's just frustrating to see Daphne so timid.
20:56I wish she'd stand up for herself, stand up for us,
20:59or I'll tell you, if she doesn't, I just might.
21:02Well, I'm sure she will when the time is right.
21:06Meanwhile, they are her family and our guests.
21:10Let's remember that.
21:12Oi, Frasier, can I use this as an ashtray?
21:17Son of a bitch!
21:21Do not use that, please.
21:24Here, here.
21:26An empty can?
21:28I would have thought with all your fancy dingle dangles
21:31you'd have something nicer for your guests who smoke.
21:34Well, customarily, my guests who smoke do so on the balcony.
21:40This is lovely, thank you.
21:50Oh, do you mind?
21:52Oh, come on, Rose.
21:55We both know that this boyfriend thing is a ruse.
21:59You don't have to play hard to get with me.
22:01I really do have a boyfriend.
22:04Oh, yeah?
22:06Yeah.
22:07What's his name?
22:08Roger.
22:09What colour is his hair?
22:11Brown.
22:12What's his name?
22:13Roger.
22:16Is that the name you just said a minute ago?
22:20I think Eddie could use a walk.
22:22I could use one, too.
22:24Well, actually, I'm just going across the street.
22:26Yeah, that's great. I'd love to.
22:30You know, I have an idea.
22:32Let's have a toast.
22:34It's about bloody time.
22:38To my very favourite couple, Niles and Daphne.
22:43You don't know my brother very well, Mrs. Moon,
22:47but I assure you he and your daughter share a boundless love,
22:53one that is sure to endure as long as that of my parents
22:57and of yours and your husband's.
23:05Well, now you've dropped the clangour.
23:10What is it, Mum?
23:12Oh, tell them, son.
23:15Oh, God. Dad's scarpered.
23:18He left?
23:19Yeah.
23:20It's true.
23:21Dear God, I do apologise.
23:23Oh, Mum, it can't be.
23:25I'm sure he just got sidetracked on his way home from the pub.
23:31Well, I thought that meself for the first week.
23:36But now he's gone for good.
23:39Oh, don't worry, Mum.
23:41Everything will be all right when we get home.
23:43And what's left for me there?
23:45An empty house full of memories?
23:49No, I'd rather stay right here in the company of my babies.
23:55Thank goodness I have my children to lean upon.
24:00Oh, don't cry, Mum.
24:02I really thought this junket to America would cheer you up.
24:06Oh, well, it still can.
24:09Go away.
24:14I mean, get out there and see the country.
24:17Yes, that is a splendid idea.
24:20This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches,
24:25wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you.
24:32Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States.
24:38This America.
24:43How did you do that?
25:02Cam Winston!
25:14Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
25:17Toss salads and scrambled eggs.
25:21Oh, my.
25:23And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:26Well, maybe.
25:27But I got you pegged.
25:29Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:32But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:38They're calling again.
25:40Yes, they're calling again.
25:45Good night, everybody.