The Wonton Don | Donnie Does
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00:00Do not be alarmed. You are being pirated.
00:03Hey, I said don't take out the sword.
00:05Oh, f**k. I'm bleeding blood.
00:08Oh yeah, okay. That's good.
00:09Retreat! Retreat!
00:16Hey, how are ya?
00:17Greetings from the Hong Kong airport.
00:20My first time in Asia since COVID.
00:23And oh baby, it feels good to be back.
00:26I have an action-packed two weeks ahead of me.
00:29It starts with a boat party tomorrow in Hong Kong harbour
00:32with like 10 friends of mine and then another 35 randos.
00:36I threw up a tweet that said, hey, who wants to come on a ya party?
00:39And surprisingly, I got a lot of takers.
00:41I forgot that there are like study abroad kids here
00:44that probably follow Barstool.
00:49We're not in Chicago anymore, Toto.
00:51Something about Hong Kong is that the streets are so chaotic
00:55that GPS doesn't even work.
00:58One time I was here with someone and he took out an actual compass
01:01to try to find his way around.
01:03That was also a dude that like grew up on a farm
01:05and didn't have technology until high school.
01:07So that kind of makes sense.
01:09After walking the streets and grabbing a quick bite,
01:14we headed to a bar to meet up with Steve,
01:16my first friend in China and occasional podcast co-host.
01:19I remember just like being rolled into a tuk-tuk.
01:24Who I hadn't seen in six years.
01:26How are you, kid? You all right?
01:27I'm good. How are you doing?
01:28Stopping the plane.
01:29Stopping it?
01:30Are we really filming this?
01:32Oh my God.
01:33I haven't seen him for years and he's going to document it.
01:35Hey.
01:36I hope he's at all happy because this is like...
01:39Yes, my buddy, mate.
01:41And over a few bebbies, came up with a plan for the rest of the day.
01:45Right now, we're taking a taxi to go to a 7-Eleven
01:48just to load up on beers.
01:50Club 7-Eleven, always a pleasure.
01:52You going to both parties tomorrow?
01:53Oh yeah, we do.
01:54People are getting kicked off that, lads.
01:55Then we take another just like 10-minute taxi to the start of this trail.
01:59Then we like hike for maybe 10 minutes and boom.
02:03We're at a waterfall.
02:04We got ourselves a waterfall party.
02:06It's a fucking truth.
02:07Where you can swim and watch the sunset over Hong Kong Harbor.
02:11This place is insane.
02:12It is like the quintessential urban jungle,
02:15but then it's an actual jungle too.
02:17We all have to get through that gap.
02:19Let's see if Steve can fit through this crack.
02:22I don't think I...
02:23I'm going to wave here for you.
02:25No, no, mate.
02:26Man, this isn't going on camera, this.
02:28You can hold that for us.
02:31Man, why the fuck are you filming this, you pair of punks?
02:34All right.
02:35Oh, look it.
02:36He's fucking acrobatic.
02:37I've been taking lessons.
02:39That was great.
02:40Fuck yous.
02:41All right, so we just got three minutes of these stairs.
02:43What?
02:46Where's the Nepalese fucking horses on your knees?
02:50Didn't you buy a treadmill for your room?
02:52Thought it was a clothes haul.
02:54This dude was like bragging to everybody.
02:56He's like, I bought a treadmill for my room.
02:58We were like, dude, you're never going to use that.
03:00Lo and behold, he used it as a clothes rack for like five years.
03:02Man, how many more stairs?
03:07Where the fuck are we?
03:08Have you ever seen the wild side of Hong Kong, Steve?
03:10Yeah.
03:11That's what you need by now.
03:12Okay.
03:15After much more than just a three-minute walk upstairs,
03:18we finally made it to our private hippo hole.
03:23Oh, I'm definitely going for a dip now.
03:25Oh, there's like a little seat back there.
03:27It's like a personal shower.
03:29This is going to be the greatest piss of my life, I think.
03:33After taking a piss and getting on the piss for a couple hours,
03:39we hiked another 10 minutes up to the peak
03:44to watch the sun set over the city.
03:47Back like I never left.
03:49Woo!
03:50Didn't have to take the escalators this time.
04:08Hey, how are you?
04:09So I'm throwing my first Hong Kong junk boat party.
04:12Looks like there's a lot of people going on boat parties today.
04:15This is our boat.
04:16The Swissy Three.
04:18Is that going to do it?
04:19I don't know if that's going to stay afloat, kid.
04:23The attendees were a mix of people I knew from Shanghai,
04:26some Hong Kong locals who knew me from my Sevens videos,
04:29one guy who flew here from Canada just for the party,
04:32and a squad of Finnish study abroad kids.
04:35How are you doing, baby?
04:36Woke up like 24 minutes ago.
04:39Super fucked up.
04:41We were hoping for the best,
04:42but we got the best pirate operator captain in the world.
04:46After picking up some final stragglers,
04:53the Swissy Three was ready to set sail.
04:57All right, we got like 35 people on this junker.
05:02We could use a little more sun,
05:03but look at this fucking view right here.
05:05Holy shit.
05:06So what do you guys think about this boat ride so far?
05:09A lot of dudes.
05:10A lot of dudes.
05:12Hey, as a married man,
05:13I couldn't be the one responsible for recruiting chicks.
05:16That's on you guys.
05:17But we were still in for quite a day.
05:19As in Hong Kong,
05:20100 bucks a person gets you all you can drink and eat
05:23for seven hours on a fully staffed yacht.
05:26Thank you.
05:27You're welcome.
05:28What is her name?
05:29Daisy.
05:30The other guy is Daisy.
05:31Daisy, okay.
05:32The wife stopped paying,
05:33so she won't be able to drive as well.
05:35I can drive us home.
05:37If you need me to.
05:38Thank you.
05:39I'd be happy to.
05:40Now that's a junk boat.
05:42We should have got that thing.
05:43That's old school.
05:44Yeah.
05:45Everything seemed to be going smoothly
05:46until Claire pulled me to the side
05:4815 minutes into our journey.
05:50The captain said we will go to the Aberdeen Harbour
05:53and stop for 10 minutes.
05:54Okay.
05:55Check first the cargo and everything
05:56so that you can see as well.
05:57Okay.
05:58Yeah, you hear me dad?
05:59This is like an elephant graveyard.
06:00They were like,
06:01do you mind if we pull into Aberdeen Harbour for 10 minutes?
06:04We can like show everybody the sights.
06:06Turns out I think we just might have an engine problem.
06:09So they're pulling in to check out the engine.
06:12You're leaking.
06:13Leaking.
06:14Excuse me sir.
06:15It's leaking.
06:16It's leaking.
06:17You suck.
06:18You suck.
06:19It's understandable.
06:23How's the engine Steve?
06:24I've just broke it,
06:25so we stopped here.
06:26I thought we'd have a little stop off in this place,
06:29so I just broke the engine.
06:31I'm not too good with motors.
06:32I mean, you put me behind the wheel,
06:34I can get us out of here no problem.
06:36But you put me down there,
06:39I'm going to black out.
06:40That guy's got a mean looking hoon.
06:42I thought it was a spliff.
06:43Do you have a hoon?
06:44A cigarette?
06:45Did you say cigarette with a Spanish accent?
06:47Yeah, I was using Pidgin English.
06:50After 10 minutes,
06:51it looked like the dudes at the dock got the situation sorted.
06:54Is the motor okay now?
06:56Yes, all good.
06:57Let's go.
06:58Thank you.
06:59And wouldn't even accept a couple beers as a tip.
07:01The motor's good guys.
07:05Now that the motor was cooking again,
07:07the party cruised to a bay on the backside of the island.
07:10All right, I think we're dropping anchor here,
07:13where we dropped anchor to give everyone ample time to go hippo mode.
07:20Go, go.
07:23Oh, he did it.
07:24Hey, buddy.
07:32Oh, my God.
07:33These Spanish kids know how to fucking jump.
07:37Come here.
07:40Hey, can someone toss me a beer?
07:42Don't hit the dog.
07:45That was good.
07:48My first time with a dog on the junk boat.
07:54I got saltwater beer.
07:56You might have gasoline saltwater beer.
07:59Chong diesels.
08:00Chong diesels.
08:02Zero splash.
08:08Oh, my God.
08:15Oh, Miss Peaches.
08:24People seem to be having fun,
08:26but now it was time to get down to business.
08:29I see a couple of prime targets for piracy over there.
08:33If you're going to pirate here, anyone, I think that's the target.
08:36Yeah.
08:37Easy, easy, easy money.
08:39Listen, everyone just needs to come back with one piece of booty.
08:42It could be just like a Bud Light.
08:43It could be a trampoline.
08:45We have Navy sailors from the Finnish Army here, guys.
08:49Oh, really?
08:50Oh, yeah.
08:51At my last two boat parties in Hong Kong,
08:53some buddies and I had managed to pirate a neighboring party boat.
08:56You're getting chased.
08:57You're getting chased.
08:58They're onto you now.
09:01And I hope to keep that streak alive.
09:03And we have a Finnish Navy SEAL team in my crew this time.
09:10I have a squad of Finnish pirates.
09:13Confidence was at an all-time high.
09:15Every Finnish guy on here needs to pirate here at least one thing from that boat.
09:19Rally the troops.
09:23We're going to pirate here.
09:27March.
09:33We need the Navy SEAL.
09:37This boat is so far away.
09:39However, as I got closer,
09:41I realized we weren't about to try and commandeer another party boat.
09:44Oh, my God.
09:46We're going to pirate here on this boat.
09:47I think it's like a family vacation.
09:49I have like four hammered Finnish people over there.
09:54One drunk Canadian.
09:56Four families on this boat.
09:58I know.
09:59I'm not trying to go to jail.
10:00Just trying to pirate here on a boat.
10:02Dude, he needs to come with a raft.
10:04Dude, if he doesn't bring the raft, we're probably just not even going to make it there.
10:07We're just all going to sink.
10:10Davy Jones Locker.
10:12Are you guys rowing to that boat?
10:14Yeah.
10:15Are those your friends?
10:17Yeah.
10:18Would they be open to being piratiered?
10:21I'm open to a boat.
10:23All right.
10:24Well, you guys can always fight us off.
10:26We don't have a lot of demands.
10:28If we can all get two beers,
10:30this bottle of Dom Perignon is yours.
10:33We're about to encounter hostile territory.
10:37All right.
10:38Well, we have already made our demands known to the scout boat.
10:41Scout boat is still...
10:43No, he's not.
10:44Scout boat has not relayed the message.
10:47We're going to have to do this all over again.
10:51All right.
10:52Well, okay.
10:53That was pretty easy.
10:54That made it tough on us.
10:56We already have a beachhead, guys.
10:58He's a member of the Finnish Navy Seals.
11:01All right.
11:02Hey, guys.
11:03Hey, I said don't take out the sword.
11:05Jesus.
11:06What?
11:07That was a last resort.
11:09You can't approach with a sword.
11:12All right, guys.
11:13Do not be alarmed.
11:14You are being piratiered.
11:16All we need is about eight beers and we will leave.
11:21Is it five?
11:22Actually, ten.
11:23Ten.
11:24But I will also give you this bottle.
11:27Don't turn on.
11:28Hand in the bottle.
11:36Please.
11:37For you.
11:38It's for you, but just eight beers.
11:41I don't think we've got any beers to spare, to be honest.
11:44I think we've gone through the whole thing.
11:46I think you guys have some beers.
11:48The mission already wasn't off to a hot start, but things were about to get much worse.
11:53Oh, man.
11:54Dude, I'm bleeding black.
11:57It's funny when it's not.
12:00It's funny when it's not, man.
12:02It's a pirate stuff right now.
12:04My first mate had apparently sliced his hand open while putting away his sword and was bleeding bad.
12:10It was time to lower our demands.
12:12All right, four beers.
12:14My first mate has suffered an injury.
12:17So we'll just settle with like a band-aid and four beers.
12:21We gave you a bottle then.
12:23There's no way you guys are all out of beers.
12:26You guys don't have any vodka that we could pour on this cut?
12:30And then I could take a swig for the swim foam?
12:33We have to take a boat.
12:35Hey, guys.
12:36Hey, dude.
12:37Hop on the raft.
12:38Hop on the pirate ship.
12:39Hey, hey.
12:40Who said this was going to be easy?
12:42Even the best pirates fail half of the time.
12:45If it was a sure thing, everybody would be a pirate.
12:48Oh, yeah, OK.
12:49That's what you got.
12:50The boat was bad enough to have to censor on YouTube.
12:53So I made the executive decision to call a retreat.
12:56Retreat.
12:57Retreat.
12:58Jesus.
12:59Now, I assumed getting him back to our boat would be light work for one of the ex-military Finns in our crew.
13:05But I was sorely mistaken.
13:07Dude, aren't you in like the Navy SEALs?
13:09This should be easy for you.
13:11Yeah, well, this time.
13:13All right.
13:14The Finners Navy SEALs have not been doing good training.
13:18Maybe they only teach water skiing in the Finnish SEALs, as they were struggling.
13:22We have made zero progress.
13:24I'm going to turn off the GoPro and get this situation resolved.
13:28I will report back.
13:29My former Shanghai roommate and I had to take matters into our own hands
13:33and ended up flutter-kicking our fallen comrade back to safety.
13:37I heard they weren't that friendly.
13:39I started the demands at fucking 10 beers, and they'll give you a bottle of Prosecco.
13:43I lowered the demands to four beers and a Band-Aid, and they still said no.
13:47And I go, my buddy's bleeding to death.
13:50Can we at least get some vodka to, like, sterilize the cut?
13:53They were like, no vodka.
13:55I think he's good.
13:56But I just want to know, this guy told me he was in, like, the Finnish Navy SEALs.
14:01He couldn't even get his buddy out of there.
14:03Have you taught more, like, extreme maneuvers in the SEALs?
14:07Steve! Steve!
14:09I'm being stung by a jellyfish.
14:11Are you a doctor?
14:12No, but I've got strong fists.
14:14Hey, so Steve's going to pee on your hand.
14:17Luckily, we didn't have to resort to urine treatment,
14:19as the boat crew had a first-aid kit and were able to get his hand cleaned and wrapped up.
14:24You are officially a member of my pirate crew for life, dude.
14:28You fucking bled for the cause.
14:31What kind of pirate is the type of pirate to cut himself with his own sword?
14:36I came to the conclusion, I just think I'm a shitty pirate.
14:41Next time, I'll leave the sword, because I try to look intimidating to the people,
14:47while the only person I intimidated was my hand.
14:54After the failed mission, we had a few hours left on the boat to decompress and slug some more bevvies.
15:00How do you think the boat party was?
15:04Then began our journey back to the harbor.
15:12The end
15:15Okay, that is a wrap for Wonton Don Junk Boat Party 2024.
15:20I think it was pretty sound all around, yeah?
15:23Like, we had a couple of hiccups.
15:25One guy's hand is completely bandaged up.
15:28I mean, everyone here saw stuff, that's for sure.
15:32Shout out Finland, you know, without Finland, this boat party would not have been the same.
15:37Thanks for organizing this whole event.
15:40Thanks for coming, man.
15:41I mean, you were so awesome back there.
15:43Thank you, dude.
15:44I will never forget the Swissy 3.
15:46We're good, baby. We are good.
15:48Survived.
15:49Captain's happy, I think.
15:51He's not happy.
15:52Well, yeah, the captain is.
15:54It was not as easy as post.
15:56My number here.
15:57Alright.
16:04You are officially knighted.
16:11Oh, shit.
16:15That is your sword.
16:16Keep that thing away from me.
16:17This might be my favorite character on the boat.
16:19I don't know where we would have been without this Finnish navy seal on our boat.
16:23Like, so many more people would have got hurt.
16:25We probably would have lost some lives, but this guy kept us all safe and sober.
16:29So you fucking run and find out.