The Wonton Don | Donnie Does
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00:00 Hey, how are you? Welcome back to Gooned Up season 3 episode 1.
00:04 Now for those of you who didn't even know there was a season 1 or season 2, Gooned Up is a cooking show
00:14 I used to film in China with my Chinese cleaning lady, Huaiyi.
00:18 Hey, how are ya?
00:19 We'd make a different type of Rangoon every week. The more artificial and processed the cheese is, the better.
00:25 (Speaking Chinese)
00:27 Now sadly, I got locked out of China during COVID and I haven't been able to get back since.
00:32 So Huaiyi will not be in the kitchen today, but she sends her regards and she will be dearly missed.
00:39 Give me money!
00:41 Uh, well, alright.
00:43 Listen, health insurance was never discussed, okay?
00:48 In the meantime, I'll be having on a new chef every week to cook up the goon of their dreams.
00:54 And today we have none other than Henry Cai, the head chef of Three Little Pigs, a Chinese restaurant
01:01 which many people claim makes the best Rangoons in all of Chicago. Is that true?
01:06 It's not bad. I eat it sometimes.
01:08 I have tried your Rangoons. They are great.
01:10 Yeah.
01:10 When I followed him on Instagram and I saw them claiming to have the best goons in the city,
01:15 he already knew who I was.
01:16 Yeah.
01:16 And he was like, "You gotta come try them." And I was like, "You gotta come into my kitchen and make a new Rangoon."
01:22 Yeah.
01:22 We're not going crab classic today. We're getting nuts.
01:26 Can you speak Chinese?
01:27 Yes, you can speak it.
01:29 Oh, yes, yes, yes.
01:31 You speak better than me.
01:33 Yes, yes, yes.
01:35 Where are you from?
01:37 I'm American.
01:39 So he's American, born and raised in Chicago.
01:41 Parents moved over from Hong Kong, and that's why we're making a Hong Kong-themed Rangoon today.
01:46 Char Siu Pork Rangoons. Actually, pulled Char Siu Pork Rangoons.
01:50 Now, what do you have here?
01:52 Alright, well, this is our Char Siu, original Char Siu, but we slow cook the pork for about a few hours
01:58 in pineapples and pineapple juice, garlic, and all that sweet stuff.
02:02 Enough talking about Char Siu. Let's go see how he makes it on site.
02:07 Yo!
02:10 What's up, dude?
02:11 What's up, my guy?
02:12 So we already have pork marinated.
02:14 So you got the basic Chiyo sauce, hoisin sauce, maybe like four or five secret ingredients that not everybody uses.
02:21 The reason why we hang smoke everything is mainly consistency.
02:25 Oh, yeah. That's heavy.
02:28 Okay, now we're going to let those slabs smoke for like an hour and 45 minutes.
02:34 What's the story behind Three Little Pigs?
02:37 So we started this concept three years ago, right around during COVID.
02:42 I was a little worried because, you know, Chinese restaurant during COVID, it wasn't that great of an idea, but I just took the jump.
02:49 And at first I was just giving it to my friends to try, but then they started wanting to pay for it, telling their friends,
02:55 and then it got into the influencers. And here we are today, you know, like, just want to thank everyone for the support and love.
03:01 Yeah, no, and I've been seeing you all over the place on Eater, Munchies, and now Barstool Sports.
03:07 Not bad, Donnie.
03:10 Not bad.
03:12 Dude, look at that.
03:14 Look at all that fat content.
03:16 Yeah, no, I mean, that's what I love about China. In the US, I was raised to be afraid of fat.
03:21 And then I got to China, and they're eating meat that's like 75, 80% fat.
03:26 And it was delicious.
03:27 Yeah, yeah.
03:28 There's good fats and there's bad fats out there. This is the good fat.
03:32 I think all fat is good fat for me.
03:35 What about trans fats?
03:37 I'm talking about the actual trans fats, not like trans fat people.
03:40 Like this.
03:42 All right.
03:43 Dude.
03:45 All right. I'm saying I don't have a problem with trans fat people. I have a problem with trans fats.
03:52 What ingredients? Because I feel like char siu is delicious on its own.
03:57 This Rangoon is not going to need a lot of, like, supporting characters.
04:01 No, I do want to add a little more garlic and white onion in there and just, you know, the natural flavors from the pineapple juice.
04:10 So I want to blend that in with the cream cheese.
04:13 All right. Yeah.
04:14 I'm under the impression that a Rangoon can't be a Rangoon if there is not cream cheese in it.
04:18 Oh, of course not. No.
04:20 Well, I guess it doesn't have to be cream cheese.
04:22 My idea of the definition of a Rangoon is a fried wonton that has some sort of dairy in it.
04:29 Because if it's just like a piece of pork in a wonton wrapper, that's just a wonton.
04:34 Yeah.
04:35 It's not a Rangoon.
04:36 You got to goon it up with some cream cheese.
04:38 And the best cream cheese, too, which is Philadelphia cream cheese.
04:41 Can I use that or?
04:43 I mean, yeah.
04:44 Can I say Philadelphia or?
04:45 Barstool has not been able to finagle me a Philadelphia cream cheese sponsor yet.
04:49 But yeah, I mean, I've said that numerous times.
04:51 I always go Philly cream cheese.
04:53 A cool thing about Philadelphia cream cheese is that's nothing to do with the city of Philadelphia.
04:57 So I can support Philly cream cheese and not be supporting the city of Philly.
05:02 Because they're a bunch of scumbags, let's be honest.
05:05 No, actually, I think Philly makes a better Rangoon than New York.
05:08 Riddle me this.
05:09 Do you know why New York can't figure out how to make a good Rangoon?
05:13 I think it's because a lot of people like to cheap out and use cheaper cream cheese from the wholesalers.
05:20 Because wholesalers don't really sell Philadelphia cream cheese.
05:23 I mean, I've made a good Rangoon with shitty cream cheese in the past.
05:26 Something like the filling in New York, it's just almost too sweet.
05:31 It boggles the mind.
05:33 Now, did you grow up enjoying crab Rangoons?
05:36 Or were you just like, "Hey, I'm opening up a restaurant.
05:39 I know these white guys go nuts over Rangoons.
05:41 I better put some on the menu."
05:43 No, actually, my parents loved going to Chinese buffets just because you get the best bang on your buck.
05:49 And I was grabbing it plates by plates.
05:52 That's how I discovered crab Rangoon was going to these buffets.
05:56 Because my parents aren't ordering crab Rangoon from their local Chinese restaurant.
06:00 When you're at the Chinese food buffet, how many goons is too many Rangoons?
06:04 When you start to get the goon gut, the goon sweats.
06:08 I mean, I could eat about 15, 16, but they're mini.
06:13 15, 16, that's the magic number.
06:15 Once you go above 16, goon sweats incoming.
06:18 All right.
06:19 Should we pull the pork first?
06:21 Yeah.
06:22 Oh, yeah.
06:24 It's got the char siu flavor with the pineapple juice.
06:27 What do you think?
06:28 Not bad?
06:29 Mm-hmm.
06:30 And then probably just squeeze all the juice out, and we'll mix it.
06:35 Milking the pork.
06:37 Yeah.
06:38 All right.
06:39 Then add the cream cheese.
06:42 And then throw some garlic in there.
06:44 You think green onion or white onion?
06:47 White onion and then a little bit of green, too.
06:50 As much green onion as you like.
06:52 Let's start with that.
06:53 Okay.
06:54 That looks good.
06:58 Yeah, this guy, he's been going nuts in the goon lab.
07:01 He's been making nacho cheese Rangoon.
07:04 That's actually two of our life-changing appetizers, I call it.
07:09 It's a nacho goon that we're doing, and then we're doing a pizza goon also.
07:14 Let's go.
07:17 So you've been telling me a lot about your pizza Rangoon,
07:20 so I had to come through and see how you make them for myself.
07:23 So this is our special blend of tomatoes, tomato sauces, pizza sauces.
07:28 We have shredded matzah in there.
07:30 The cheese pull that you get from pizza, we take a whole slice of mozzarella,
07:37 and we put it over it.
07:39 That is genius.
07:41 This kind of reminds me of a cheesy, crunchy gordita.
07:44 Yeah, like a quesadilla almost.
07:46 So I just fold it a simple way, not your traditional Rangoon way.
07:52 And so it looks like a slice of pizza.
07:54 It looks like a slice of pizza.
07:55 So what are you putting on them?
07:59 Italian seasoning.
08:02 That is genius.
08:04 Italian seasoning.
08:05 You have officially invented the goon dusting technique.
08:09 Yeah, goon dusting.
08:10 I'm always going to dust my goons from here on out.
08:12 It just adds--it's a whole other level of flavor.
08:15 And plus it looks nice.
08:17 I mean, that looks incredible.
08:19 That came out a lot better than I thought.
08:23 Dude, this is insane, man.
08:26 This is better than pizza.
08:28 I don't know about that one, but--
08:31 One pizza goon, everybody knows the rules.
08:33 The episode we're doing is supposed to focus on starship pork Rangoon,
08:39 but this thing just changed my life.
08:41 We've got to get back to the pork show.
08:44 Mama mia.
08:45 Now, everyone on my show, I make them test their GPM,
08:51 which is how many Rangoons they can wrap in one minute.
08:55 Goons per minute.
08:56 I'll put out eight.
08:57 Which way do you want to wrap it?
09:00 Great question.
09:01 Now, as the song goes,
09:03 ♪ There's no wrong way to wrap a wonton ♪
09:07 ♪ There's no wrong way to wrap a goon ♪
09:10 Sing it with me.
09:11 ♪ There's no wrong way to wrap a wonton ♪
09:14 ♪ There's no wrong way to fry a goon ♪
09:17 Yeah, so however you want to wrap it.
09:22 We could wrap it the old school way,
09:24 just a triangle or a triple triangle.
09:27 Yeah, we could do it like that.
09:29 Listen, you're the one who's being timed.
09:31 Whichever time--
09:32 Hold on, wait, wait, wait.
09:33 Okay, you can have your hand on the spoon.
09:35 All right, all right.
09:36 Okay, ready?
09:37 One, two, three, go.
09:39 I'm a little nervous.
09:42 I've never got filmed wrapping them.
09:45 Do you normally wrap all the Rangoons for your restaurant?
09:50 I used to, but now, you know,
09:52 with how busy we've gotten,
09:55 I hired some guys to wrap it for me now.
09:59 Now, how does one just find a goon wrapper?
10:03 Well, there's a lot of--
10:05 I don't want to call them mercenaries,
10:07 but a lot of egg rolls and Rangoons,
10:10 they get wrapped from a dirt party.
10:14 Okay.
10:16 That's a fat Rangoon.
10:21 The one I saved for you.
10:23 Okay, and--
10:25 Oh, that don't count.
10:26 We are--wow, okay, four.
10:29 Yeah, that one's terrible.
10:31 I say it counts. I say it counts.
10:33 All right, now, do you want to tell me?
10:35 I'll set the timer.
10:36 I haven't measured my GPM in a while,
10:38 and, hey, I haven't filmed this show in a while, too,
10:41 so it's going to be rusty.
10:43 Okay, ready? One, two, three.
10:46 Oh, look, shit, these wonton wrappers are enormous.
10:54 I didn't put enough in.
10:56 Oh, you're doing the fancy banquet way.
11:00 Yep, I'm a banquet kind of guy.
11:02 I'm a fast-food Chinese restaurant kind of guy.
11:06 Dude, these wonton wrappers are heavy-duty.
11:08 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:10 My old man actually wraps it that way,
11:18 keeps it on the table.
11:21 I mean, I don't even know how to roll a joint,
11:23 but I can wrap a goon.
11:26 It's not great at it. I usually try to outsource.
11:29 Ten seconds.
11:30 Oh, shit.
11:31 Eight seconds.
11:34 Four seconds.
11:37 Oh, goddammit.
11:38 Well, that's it.
11:39 All right, we have the same exact GPM.
11:42 I mean, this one's really pretty.
11:44 I mean, hey, I don't own a Chinese restaurant.
11:46 I thought this would be a little higher.
11:47 I mean, you might as well now.
11:48 Look at that.
11:49 Now, if this wonton thing doesn't work out,
11:52 you know, I'm always hiring at Thrill of Pig,
11:55 so just looking at how you're wrapping it so fast.
11:58 Well, I'm hoping, like, say if these rangoons are incredible,
12:02 would you ever be willing to do a limited edition
12:06 wonton don rangoon on your menu?
12:08 That's not a bad idea.
12:09 What do you guys think?
12:11 Oh, shit.
12:18 That's not good.
12:21 [sniffing]
12:23 Okay, it's time to go crush mode on these char siu goons.
12:32 We did a char siu sauce drizzle over the top.
12:35 We've also got maltose.
12:37 What exactly is maltose?
12:39 The maltose, you know, it brings the shine to the pork,
12:42 a little slight sweetness,
12:43 so it's a little less sweet than honey.
12:46 Okay, I'm gonna try this first one without the maltose,
12:48 and then the second one, it's going for a dip.
12:51 Cheers.
12:53 You're not gonna cheers me?
12:54 All right, there we go, let's go.
12:56 Mmm.
13:04 It's very good.
13:05 I bet.
13:06 I think the only thing I would change--
13:08 Well, the sauce, right?
13:10 --is trying to, instead of pulling the char siu,
13:13 trying to just, like, cube it up.
13:15 So that it won't be full of pork taste, but, you know.
13:18 But it will still be char siu.
13:20 Okay.
13:21 Now I'm trying it in the maltose.
13:23 All right, I won't forget this time.
13:26 Goon duck.
13:28 It's the maltose, right?
13:32 It's like candy.
13:34 Mmm.
13:35 I mean, we're gonna need a third opinion.
13:38 Is that Hank on the golf sim?
13:41 Hey, Hank!
13:43 Can you come try a Rangoon?
13:45 All right, what's up, dude?
13:46 I'm Henry, so I'm kind of Hank.
13:48 Oh, yeah.
13:49 I'm also Henry.
13:50 Yeah, try one of these.
13:52 Let me know what you think, and then guess what type of goon it is.
13:56 Mmm.
14:05 Decent?
14:07 Really good.
14:09 What type of goon is it, though?
14:12 I don't think it's seafood.
14:13 I think it's a land animal.
14:15 I mean, the meat is right in front of you, Hank.
14:18 I know, I was trying to draw it.
14:19 Thigh?
14:21 Thigh Rangoon?
14:23 What is a thigh Rangoon?
14:25 Brisket?
14:27 Very close.
14:28 So this is the type of meat, and then I'm pulling it.
14:33 What do you pull?
14:35 You pull pulled...
14:37 Goat.
14:38 All right, it's a...
14:41 It's a pulled pork Rangoon, but it is Asian style.
14:45 These are better than great.
14:48 Don't sell yourself short.
14:50 Oh, shit.
14:51 Now he's making some nacho goons on the spot.
14:53 Yep.
14:54 You guys are getting a double header.
14:56 So our nacho goon is ballpark nacho cheese, ground beef, jalapenos,
15:01 but the crazy thing is I garnish it with sour cream powder.
15:05 I didn't even know you could turn sour cream into a powder.
15:07 Yeah.
15:08 I really like this idea of powdering all my goons from now on.
15:11 Yeah, yeah.
15:12 Because you could do like a Parmesan powder on a pizza Rangoon.
15:16 Here we go.
15:17 Nacho Rangoon.
15:19 Nacho Rangoon.
15:20 Oh, yeah.
15:25 Wow.
15:26 These taste exactly like ballpark nachos in goon form, and they're easier to eat.
15:32 Because when you're eating those, every time you pick up a chip,
15:34 some might drop on your shirt, on your pants.
15:36 And then messy fingers.
15:37 Yeah, this is just compact, portable.
15:40 Ballpark nachos are not portable.
15:42 You're walking around, you've got the cheese going back and forth,
15:44 and the chip's falling out.
15:45 You could just have a sack of these and be good for the day.
15:49 Does anybody want the other half?
15:51 Yeah, sure.
15:52 Okay.
15:53 All right.
15:54 Hank is now one of the co-hosts on Goon Dough.
15:58 He pretty much just hangs around and learns about food.
16:06 This is so good.
16:07 You like it?
16:09 I love nachos.
16:10 Growing up --
16:11 I'd go to a ballpark and order nachos.
16:12 I still remember when I first found out about nachos.
16:14 That's exactly what I said.
16:15 Okay, just to recap, we made some pulled char siu pork Rangoons,
16:20 and we made some last-minute nacho cheese Rangoons.
16:24 And I think pretty soon you're going to be able to get some of these goons
16:28 on the Three Little Pigs menu, so check that out.
16:31 Henry, thanks for coming, my man.
16:33 All right, my boy.
16:35 Zai jian.
16:37 Zai jian.
16:38 Zai jian, that means, like, yeah.
16:40 That means bye.
16:41 Well, it means bye, but it means see you again.
16:43 Yeah, farewell.
16:44 Because we'll have to do another episode at some point.
16:46 Anyways, see you next week.
16:48 That's a wrap.
16:49 [Music]