Donnie and Billy Do the Pyramids! (Last Chance Uganda Prologue)
The Wonton Don | Donnie Does
Category
🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00 [MUSIC]
00:07 Are you crying, Billy?
00:07 >> No.
00:08 >> [LAUGH]
00:10 >> In a few weeks,
00:10 I'll be dropping a docuseries about Billy and I coaching American football in Uganda.
00:14 But on the way there, we had a 13 hour layover in Cairo,
00:17 which I thought warranted its own vlog.
00:20 Hey, how are you?
00:21 There seems to be a bit of a sandstorm right now, but
00:25 that will burn off later in the day.
00:27 >> Does sand burn?
00:28 >> You can't burn off sand, I don't think you can get sand.
00:31 It's not precipitation.
00:32 >> No, yeah, it's usually fog that burns off.
00:35 But maybe the winds will die down.
00:37 This is worse than China on a bad smog day.
00:41 [MUSIC]
00:46 All right, so look for a guy holding a sign that says Emo Tours.
00:50 I think he's over here.
00:51 >> Hello, sir.
00:52 >> Nice to meet you.
00:53 >> Welcome to Egypt.
00:54 >> Thank you, our first time.
00:57 Tour guide secured, we hopped in the van and
00:59 headed to see the last ancient wonder of the world still standing.
01:02 [MUSIC]
01:07 And on the way, caught a tiny glimpse of the mighty Nile River.
01:10 >> No hippos?
01:12 >> No.
01:13 >> We're having a zoo.
01:14 [MUSIC]
01:17 >> First one to see the pyramids gets a free camel ride.
01:21 [MUSIC]
01:25 >> Holy smokes.
01:27 [MUSIC]
01:34 >> From start to finish, just one pyramid, it takes just 20 years.
01:38 >> Pretty damn impressive.
01:39 >> 50 meters.
01:41 >> Pretty damn smoggy too, but yeah, it's chill.
01:45 Now, I don't believe that aliens built the pyramids, but
01:50 I do believe in that potentially there was an ancient, ancient civilization.
01:55 They say this was built around 3000 BC.
01:59 Really, who knows?
01:59 It could have been built like 10,000 BC or Ramsey, the pharaoh who had it built,
02:05 he could have had it built on top of a structure that was from
02:10 some other civilization that came even before the ancient Egyptians.
02:15 There's still a lot of questions that need to be answered.
02:18 I mean, chiseling one of these blocks with the tools they had then,
02:23 they've done some modern studies where one guy takes the hammers that they had.
02:28 In one full day of hammering,
02:31 he was able to make a one centimeter indent in the stone.
02:37 So I don't know, something's up.
02:39 We don't know the full story.
02:41 >> All the pyramids from long time ago, he was covering by smooth stone.
02:45 >> Yeah, yeah, and they have a golden cap.
02:48 >> He was in the top, exactly.
02:49 >> Napoleon, the French guy, he come here from long time ago, like 750 AD.
02:56 >> Yeah.
02:57 >> When he see the gold in the cops, he do a lot of bombs.
03:00 >> Yeah.
03:00 >> When the gold is fall down, all the smooth stone is fall down of the pyramids.
03:05 >> This is what the stone used to look like.
03:07 >> So is it like this all the way up?
03:09 >> Yes, all the way was covered by the same.
03:11 >> This is way more impressive in person.
03:15 >> Yeah, yeah.
03:15 [MUSIC]
03:23 >> This is the most impressive thing I've ever seen.
03:27 I mean, like Mona Lisa, you know when they talk about-
03:30 >> All right, well, no one's comparing Mona Lisa to the pyramids.
03:33 >> I know, but this is the first thing where it's not underwhelming.
03:38 It's open.
03:40 >> Yeah, I could think of like 30 pieces of artwork that are more impressive than
03:43 the Mona Lisa.
03:44 >> We still use the anthals over there from 900 AD.
03:49 >> Do you wanna peek inside?
03:50 >> Yeah, yeah, let's go.
03:51 [MUSIC]
03:54 >> We didn't have the right ticket to go inside, but hey,
03:57 being on top of a pyramid was still pretty sick.
04:00 >> We're really on top of a pyramid.
04:01 >> We really is.
04:04 >> We really is, this is nuts.
04:05 >> [LAUGH]
04:07 [MUSIC]
04:10 >> Who built the pyramids?
04:12 God, dude.
04:13 [MUSIC]
04:23 >> This is like a visual trip, no other way to describe it.
04:29 Like it is awe-spiring.
04:32 >> Are you crying, Billy?
04:33 >> No.
04:34 >> [LAUGH]
04:35 >> This is really magnificent, dude.
04:38 Like humans literally carved this out of the desert and
04:42 built two amazing monuments so long ago that it lasts this day.
04:47 It will last probably when we're gone.
04:49 >> What do you think will last longer, the Empire State Building or the pyramids?
04:53 >> This, by far.
04:54 >> The Empire State Building, it's already been overshadowed.
04:57 >> And if you keep looking over there, you have the name over there,
05:01 Bioric Living, who from since the second.
05:03 >> Dude, this is Egyptian graffiti.
05:05 >> Is that a sperm?
05:07 >> This looks like a sperm to me.
05:09 >> Let's see if there's a deck.
05:10 >> We're not leaving the pyramids until we find a cock.
05:12 >> All the kingdom, he was not living here.
05:16 All the kingdom at the ancient time, it was living in here.
05:20 Not Memphis in the States, Memphis in Egypt.
05:23 >> Memphis in the States has a very large pyramid too.
05:27 >> Yeah, it's a Bass Pro Shop.
05:28 >> Yeah, it's a Bass Pro Shop.
05:31 [MUSIC]
05:41 >> Then the guy insisted on taking some cliche touristy photos of us.
05:46 >> Exactly, don't move.
05:48 >> Yeah, it looks sick, dude.
05:50 You're the fucking man.
05:51 >> Dude, I'm all superior.
05:53 [MUSIC]
05:55 >> [LAUGH]
05:56 >> One, two, three.
05:57 >> [LAUGH]
05:58 >> Thousands of us.
05:59 >> [LAUGH]
06:01 >> Smoke that pyramid time.
06:03 >> You got it?
06:04 >> No, move your, I don't know what you're trying to do.
06:06 >> I'm trying to smoke out of the pyramid.
06:08 >> So you'd be smoking from what?
06:11 From the top?
06:11 >> The bottom left is where I'm sucking.
06:15 >> Yep.
06:16 >> Top of it is where I'm lighting.
06:18 >> Okay, all right, cool.
06:19 Yeah, it looks like you're smoking out of the pyramid, it's so cool.
06:23 And now take a deep puff.
06:25 [SOUND]
06:27 Okay, cool.
06:29 >> Sweet.
06:31 >> The mids are dank, bro, the mids are dank.
06:33 >> We just smoked out the pyramid.
06:36 >> That did not look cool at all.
06:37 [MUSIC]
06:41 Now it was time for that camel ride.
06:43 [MUSIC]
06:58 >> Hey, buddy.
06:59 >> The camel does not like me.
07:02 These things remind me of creatures from Star Wars.
07:04 >> Yeah.
07:05 >> Is this just bite, dicks?
07:08 >> Yeah.
07:08 >> We're in a full on camel caravan.
07:11 [MUSIC]
07:19 Hey, how are you?
07:20 Okay, so pyramids are over there, which means the Nile has to be close by.
07:26 And if we follow the Nile River to its source, we'll get to Uganda.
07:31 So I'd say we're a little more than halfway there.
07:35 We're coming.
07:36 We're gonna get to Uganda, we're gonna beat Kenya.
07:40 That's a Philly football guarantee.
07:42 >> We're gonna smack the fuck out of Kenya.
07:44 >> Shit, he just said we're gonna smack the fuck out of Kenya.
07:47 Hey, Omar.
07:49 >> Yes.
07:49 >> How long would it take to ride these camels to the source of the Nile in Uganda?
07:54 >> I would give it five.
07:57 >> Five hours?
07:58 Okay.
08:02 That's doable.
08:03 >> In America, we ride horses.
08:05 >> Do we, Billy?
08:06 >> Omar!
08:09 >> I would say your average American probably doesn't feel too comfortable on a horse.
08:13 [MUSIC]
08:23 And another photo shoot.
08:27 >> Camels have very small balls compared to other creatures.
08:33 >> Billy's just checking out your camel's balls.
08:36 Don't mind him.
08:37 >> Do I get this in the Alvin?
08:40 >> Yeah.
08:41 >> Yeah.
08:43 Yeah.
08:44 >> Did they respond to a yeah?
08:46 Turns out they definitely do.
08:48 [MUSIC]
08:58 Now it was sphinx time.
09:05 [MUSIC]
09:08 >> Sphinx is there?
09:09 >> Yes.
09:10 >> Wow.
09:12 Let's take a picture of me kissing the sphinx, like making out with it.
09:16 >> Billy's insisting on taking a photo where it looks like he's making out with
09:20 the sphinx.
09:21 The sphinx, I think, is male.
09:24 Don't want to show that to folks in Uganda.
09:27 >> Yeah, Billy, it looks exactly like you're kissing the sphinx.
09:30 It's so cool.
09:31 >> By the way, if you tell an Australian tourist you're on your way to coach
09:34 American football in Africa, they will not be impressed.
09:37 >> American football.
09:39 >> American football is strong.
09:40 Strong.
09:41 >> Amazing game.
09:43 >> Super game?
09:44 >> Aussie rules football?
09:46 >> Yeah, jump in the air, touch it, tackle.
09:49 >> Yeah.
09:50 >> No protection.
09:52 >> Stupid game.
09:53 >> No protection.
09:54 >> Hey guys, they're both cool games.
09:56 So this is what that one guy on Jurogan, he's like, there is evidence of rain
10:01 erosion.
10:02 And it didn't rain enough to erode rock until like, except for like 20,000 years
10:07 ago.
10:08 And so they're like, maybe the original sphinx was super old and the head is new.
10:13 It used to have the head of a lion.
10:15 >> Yeah, and then they chopped it off.
10:17 I saw that last morning.
10:18 >> Yeah.
10:19 >> It seems like he wants to take us to like a papyrus museum.
10:23 I think he might like want us to buy something there to help out his friends.
10:27 But I don't know if I want to go to that.
10:30 >> But turns out we didn't have a choice.
10:32 [MUSIC]
10:44 After the papyrus museum, where Billy was talked into buying three pieces of paper
10:49 for 100 bucks, we popped in a restaurant to try the local cuisine.
10:53 [MUSIC]
10:56 Egyptian dog.
10:58 [MUSIC]
11:01 That's so good.
11:02 What's this?
11:05 That's rice.
11:06 This is delicious.
11:08 The food was tasty, but I was still a little hungry.
11:11 So we hit up another fine dining establishment.
11:13 [MUSIC]
11:16 I think we will just do one small margarita.
11:19 >> Yes.
11:20 Where I was able to crank out a pizza review.
11:22 [MUSIC]
11:29 All right, Frankie.
11:31 Pizza review.
11:33 Pizza hut.
11:35 Giza.
11:37 Yeah, Giza, Egypt.
11:41 As you can see, it's got quite the nice deck over here.
11:44 Billy's being a fucking weirdo because he's my sound guy.
11:47 This camera doesn't have great sound.
11:50 I mean, can't beat the view.
11:53 This is a pizza hut?
11:54 Are you shitting me?
11:56 It's also a KFC, but I went down to get a side order of fried chicken
12:00 and was told no fried chicken on the roof.
12:03 Pizza hut has a monopoly on the roof deck.
12:06 All right, we got a small margarita.
12:09 I must warn you, I'm very jet lagged right now,
12:12 and I think I got heat stroke riding a camel around the pyramids earlier.
12:17 But look at that.
12:20 It's a nice bubbly crust, which I just fucking love with my pizza.
12:26 Something about bubbles in the crust, you know it's going to be good.
12:32 One bite, everybody knows it's good.
12:41 Very light on the sauce.
12:44 In fact, is there sauce?
12:47 Yeah, yeah, I see a little sauce.
12:52 I knew it.
12:53 Incredible crust.
12:55 Better than pizza hut crust back in the U.S., I'll say it.
13:00 The rest of it, I can take it or leave it.
13:06 We're going to go 6.8.
13:10 6.8, but the crust is an 8.5 easily.
13:13 The view, a fucking 12 out of 10.
13:17 Cairo in general, a little rough around the edges.
13:21 It actually reminds me a lot of Baghdad,
13:24 which I don't know if the locals will take as a compliment.
13:29 But Jesus Christ, I'm in a fucking pizza hut.
13:39 And this is the most famous monument of all time, right?
13:44 A lot of stray cats because actually, did the Egyptians domesticate cats
13:51 or did cats kind of like domesticate themselves?
13:55 It was you who was telling me that.
13:57 Cats domesticated humans because they made us take care of them.
14:02 They didn't really need us.
14:05 I'll just have to trust you on that.
14:07 Come for the crust, stay for the views.
14:10 That's the review.
14:13 All right, we have three more hours not getting kidnapped by Hamas, and we're good.
14:18 We still had time to kill before heading back to the airport,
14:21 so our guide pointed us in the direction of one of the few spots nearby that sells beer.
14:26 Pyramids Valley Boutique Hotel, they got Stellas.
14:30 Not Stella Artois, the original Stella.
14:33 Egyptian lager beer.
14:35 Billy's probably--I'm not even joking.
14:38 I think he's taking down 8 to 10, our server.
14:41 He's probably concerned or impressed.
14:44 How many Stellas so far, Billy?
14:47 Enough.
14:48 Baker's dozen?
14:49 They're going down like water.
14:51 I mean, you're never ever in your life going to be able to look at this view and get drunk.
14:58 Cheers.
15:00 What a time.
15:01 We had one goal this layover, and that was to see the pyramids.
15:06 And, yeah, can definitely check that off the list.
15:11 We got a few more goals this trip.
15:13 We got to see gorillas.
15:16 We got to--
15:17 Beat Kenya.
15:19 Well, that's the main goal.
15:20 That is the goal.
15:22 I mean, if we can't accomplish that, then what's the point of all these other goals?
15:26 Stick to marathons, Kenya.
15:28 Leave American football to the Ugandans.
15:30 Can you beat us?
15:32 I don't think so.
15:34 I got to say, these Stellas have just been flowing down the hatch.
15:38 Especially with this view.
15:41 This is the most amazing megalithic structure I've ever seen in my life.
15:45 You walk up to the pyramid and see it in its full might and glory, and you're like, "Humans could have never done that."
15:52 But then you're like, "Yes, they did."
15:54 And then it inspires you that the human spirit can accomplish anything.
15:58 Yes.
15:59 We are closer-- Tell them the fact that you told me.
16:02 Well, that's the fact everyone knows.
16:04 We're closer to Cleopatra and Julius Caesar than Julius Caesar were to the pyramids.
16:10 But one hell of a layover.
16:13 This is a golden hour.
16:14 We're getting a giz of golden hour.
16:16 You see those camels?
16:19 Between the pyramids?
16:20 Oh, shit.
16:21 Dude, they were riding camels like that back when they were building the pyramids.
16:26 These are some of the best beers I've ever drank.
16:29 I don't know if we should be proud of this or not, but we have officially drank 20 beers.
16:35 But what else are you going to do when God blesses you with a pyramid golden hour?
16:42 Maybe we're going to get a salmon sunset.
16:43 Who knows?
16:44 But this was one for the books.
16:50 Once the sun sunk below the horizon, we grabbed an Uber back to the Cairo airport,
16:54 where I took a quick trip to the Hoon Lounge and Billy had one last tourney at the hippopotamus.
17:00 Then we received a VIP escort to our plane due to the fact Billy claimed to have a fractured ankle.
17:06 We're with the disabled guy.
17:08 I just want to let him know.
17:09 Thank you.
17:10 We get a personal escort?
17:12 Are you sure we're not just going to prison?
17:15 I don't know.
17:17 Just keep yelling "Yalla Habibi" and we're good.
17:20 Yalla Habibi!
17:22 Dude, you're going to have to be strapped down on this flight.
17:25 Just everyone just keep yelling "Yalla Habibi!"
17:29 Who do we find?
17:30 I think we just agreed to go to jail with Billy.
17:33 I didn't say jail.
17:34 We could have just gotten on the flight.
17:36 Then they were like, "Oh, are these your friends?"
17:38 Yeah, we should probably bring them to jail too.
17:40 I see plans.
17:41 I see plans.
17:42 VIP service, baby!
17:45 Yalla Habibi!
17:47 Let's stop.
17:48 Let's stop.
17:49 I need this one minute.
17:51 [Music]
18:00 Officially made it to Uganda.
18:03 Before we got down to business and started coaching practice,
18:06 we wanted to explore more of the country.
18:08 So, hired a guide named Zachary to take us out to western Uganda
18:11 where we'd be going on a jungle trek with East Africa's most prized national treasure.
18:16 Zachary right here is driving us to the Bwindi National Forest.
18:22 That's one of the few places on planet Earth where they still have wild gorillas.
18:28 Looks to be a beautiful morning.
18:30 I got to say, Uganda, a lot greener than Egypt.
18:34 Billy's in the back.
18:35 He took some termites to go from the airport upon landing in Uganda.
18:40 Well, first, when we arrived, he chugged two Red Bulls.
18:43 And then I was like, "Why did you do that?
18:45 We're about to drive for like eight hours."
18:48 And he was like, "Okay, well, now I need some termites to counteract the Red Bulls."
18:55 I just sipped one myself.
18:57 We got the Nile Special.
19:00 I felt like it was appropriate seeing we started at the end of the Nile
19:05 and now we are all the way down at its source.
19:07 And I got to say, right off the bat, I was very impressed with Uganda's wildlife.
19:12 [Music]
19:19 So are these bred for the long horns because humans like to collect the horns?
19:25 Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no.
19:27 Actually, they like the horns.
19:29 There's something they get from the horns, inside the horns.
19:32 Oh, it's probably for like breeding purposes, too.
19:35 The longer the horn, the more cow pus you're going to be able to get.
19:39 How come people pride in them if there are very many?
19:42 No, it's okay.
19:43 He's not going to headbutt the car?
19:46 No, no, no, no. And you see, they also communicate to them.
19:49 Yep, he is.
19:50 [Music]
19:54 We took our first pit stop of the day to commemorate crossing the equator.
19:59 So we are at the equator line.
20:02 I'm about to cross it.
20:04 Don't make me do it. I'll do it. I'm going to cross the equator.
20:08 Boom. South of the equator, baby.
20:11 And I believe this guy is going to show us an experiment.
20:14 So we're doing an experiment here to prove that the coast is open north and the south is open.
20:19 Where we got to observe how water drains clockwise in the northern hemisphere,
20:23 anti-clockwise in the southern hemisphere,
20:25 Oh, my God.
20:26 and directly down on the equator line.
20:29 Whoa.
20:30 Take that, flat earthers.
20:32 What happens if I spin it?
20:34 It'll start spinning?
20:35 You'll probably just puke.
20:36 [Music]
20:49 Our next stop was at a lodge overlooking Lake Bunyoni, the second deepest lake in Africa.
20:54 This is a far, far cry from Giza.
20:57 Look behind me. This is the greenest scene I've ever seen.
21:00 We're just making a quick pit stop for lunch.
21:03 Billy's over there talking UFC to a couple people.
21:07 I think Colby Cunnington, you know, he went Trump.
21:10 He's been around for a year and a half.
21:11 Oh, like two. I think it's two.
21:12 Do you guys know Patty the Batty?
21:14 Patty the Batty.
21:16 Yeah.
21:17 Molly and Patty worked for our company for a bit.
21:20 No way.
21:21 They had a partnership with Barstool Sports.
21:24 You work for Barstool?
21:25 Yes.
21:26 I follow Barstool Sports and Barstool U.
21:29 Oh, you do? Yeah, nice.
21:30 I think because I was, back then, that was the time when I was getting heavy into NCAA.
21:36 [Music]
21:39 After quickly brushing up on some football fundamentals, it was time to hit the road again.
21:44 See you guys later.
21:45 Oh, 100%. See you.
21:47 Come to the game if you can.
21:49 Oh, we'll be there 100%.
21:51 You'll be there? Awesome.
21:52 Definitely be there.
21:53 Love the support.
21:54 Let's go find some gorillas.
21:56 Billy's out of the boot and on the booze.
21:58 [Music]
22:07 How's it going?
22:09 I'm Donnie Mzungu. This is Billy Mzungu.
22:13 [Music]
22:15 Oh, should have brought more candy.
22:18 Do you actually have candy, Billy?
22:20 [Music]
22:23 It's kind of like a chocolate bar.
22:25 [Screaming]
22:35 Billy's giving kids protein bars.
22:38 They're going to be strong.
22:40 They're going to be jacked.
22:41 I don't know anymore.
22:43 I think you'll survive without protein bars, Billy.
22:46 [Music]
22:51 Billy's taking a quick piss break.
22:54 So the main customer of this area is Irish potatoes.
23:00 Irish potatoes.
23:01 I know they call Uganda the pearl of Africa,
23:04 but they could also call it the Ireland of Africa
23:07 because it's very green and they grow potatoes.
23:09 Yeah.
23:10 And they like to drink.
23:11 They like to drink.
23:12 [Music]
23:22 Mzungu.
23:24 [Music]
23:28 Almost there.
23:29 Yeah, yeah.
23:30 [Music]
23:34 As we continued west, the roads got progressively worse.
23:38 And just as we pulled up to the gate of our guerrilla trekking lodge,
23:41 disaster struck.
23:43 [Gunshots]
23:50 The brakes gave out.
23:51 Oh, wait, wait, wait.
23:53 Okay, so we have arrived at our lodge for the night.
23:56 It was a very, very smooth trip until the last literal five seconds of it
24:02 when the brakes gave out in our van and we just drove into the front of the lodge.
24:07 [Gunshots]
24:10 Donnie screamed like a girl.
24:12 I was just -- I mean, we were about to hit some dude in a plastic chair.
24:16 We shattered that plastic chair.
24:18 Heath and Ankly got out of the way.
24:20 If this had an airbag, I would have gotten the shit kicked out of me.
24:24 Oh, it's got this thing.
24:26 This is good.
24:28 Our driver, Zachary, he's a little distraught.
24:30 It's all right.
24:32 Yeah, I feel bad about the car.
24:34 Yeah, it's okay.
24:35 I can repair.
24:36 This is what we're going to do.
24:37 Yeah.
24:38 We're going to give him the money to pay for the brakes.
24:41 Yeah.
24:42 We could have gone off a cliff if they went out like three miles earlier.
24:46 Everything worked out.
24:47 I mean, we arrived in style.
24:50 And by arrived in style, I mean just slammed into the front.
24:54 [Gunshots]
24:57 The Mzungus are here.
24:59 You're going to be hearing the word Mzungu a lot on this trip.
25:03 It just means white person in Uganda.
25:05 And, yeah, the Mzungus arrived in style.
25:09 Tomorrow morning, we're waking up at like 6 a.m.
25:12 And we're going to track some gorillas.
25:15 I'm pumped.
25:17 And Billy got heavy-duty bug spray for us so we don't get malaria.
25:23 But I was about to just spray this all over me.
25:28 It's not supposed to go on your skin.
25:31 It's for tents or clothing.
25:33 I'm also just going to be slugging gin and tonics because the quinine and tonic water can help ward off malaria.
25:40 G&Ts, invented by the Brits in India, I think,
25:45 because it was the only way they could ward off malaria before malarome was invented.
25:51 Should we do an experiment?
25:53 If the beer drinker gets malaria, it means that gin and tonics work.
25:58 I mean, if I drank as many G&Ts as you've been drinking beers, I think we'd be in trouble.
26:03 I think malaria would be fucked.
26:06 A mosquito would bite me and then just drop dead.
26:09 Tune back in next Wednesday for our gorilla trek.
26:12 And on February 28, get ready for the premiere of Last Chance Uganda.
26:19 [Music]