Frasier Season 6 Episode 2 Frasiers Curse
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TVTranscript
00:00Oh, thank you.
00:30That was a very childish prank. Now you have ruined my coffee.
00:45You can't behave like adults. You shouldn't be coming to a grown-up cafe.
00:49It wasn't us.
00:51Are you going to yell at them?
00:58I'm sure they already heard me yell at you.
01:02Miles, thank you for agreeing to meet me at such short notice. I swear I'm in a full-blown crisis.
01:08Well, if you're talking about that garish belt, I have emergency suspenders in my car.
01:14It's not the belt. My high school reunion is tonight, and you know my history.
01:21Oh, not this falderol again.
01:24It's not falderol.
01:25It's falderol.
01:26It is not falderol at all.
01:28For God's sake.
01:29Every time my reunion comes around, it coincides with a severe downturn in my life.
01:34Five years ago, Lilith divorced me. Five years before that, I was left at the altar.
01:38Five years before that, I fell face-first into the poison ivy.
01:42And here we are, right on schedule. I'm freshly fired.
01:46I still don't know why you even went that poison ivy year.
01:50The point is, in ten minutes, I have an extremely important job interview.
01:56A job for which I am eminently qualified, but that now I have no chance of getting.
02:02How can you know that?
02:04Because destiny won't allow it.
02:06Destiny's plan is for me to walk into that reunion this evening the way I always do, the class loser.
02:14Pityed and shunned by everyone until I wind up sitting with the most pathetic people there.
02:23You mean the chess club?
02:28Worse. The chess club's barbershop quartet.
02:34Oh, the checkmates.
02:37I swear to God, I feel like I have a curse on my head.
02:41Frasier, you're a man of science. You know curses don't exist.
02:46There's a perfectly rational explanation for all of this.
02:49You tripped and fell into the poison ivy.
02:52Your radio station changed formats.
02:54Your wife didn't love you.
02:56If this is a pep talk, would you kindly segue to the peppy part?
03:03Thank you very much.
03:07The only reason you're giving credence to this curse mumbo-jumbo is you're nervous about your job interview.
03:13But you're a talented professional.
03:16Any station would be lucky to have you, wouldn't they?
03:21Yes, I suppose.
03:23So stop doubting yourself.
03:25You deserve that job, so go out there and get it.
03:28In an hour's time, it'll be yours, and after a short trip to the store to return that belt,
03:33you can barely enjoy your reunion.
03:37Well, you're right, Madeleine.
03:39I should think positively.
03:41This interview is going to go just fine, and so is this evening.
03:45All we have to do now is get a date.
03:47Where the hell am I going to find a woman who's so desperate for an evening out
03:51that she'd agree to go to someone else's reunion?
03:54Oh, hey, Frasier.
03:55Oh, I see your luck's changing already.
04:04Oh.
04:10Uh, excuse me, I'm looking for Stephen Rugley's office.
04:14Well, you've come to the right place.
04:16Oh, splendid.
04:17Is it possible for you to fetch me a coffee before my interview?
04:20Well, uh...
04:21Oh, better yet, make it a cup of chamomile tea with a squirt of lemon and a full teaspoonful of honey.
04:30We'll try to get that for you just as soon as my assistant gets back.
04:34I'm Stephen Rugley, president of KJMC.
04:38Oh, Lord, it's nice to meet you.
04:42I'm terribly sorry.
04:43Quite all right, Dr. Crane.
04:44It's a great suit, by the way.
04:47You're, uh...
04:48I know.
04:49It's a bit risky.
04:50People have been commenting on it all day.
04:53Yes, it makes a bold statement, but frankly, I like the attention.
05:00Matter of fact, I cut to the park on the way over here.
05:03It caught the eye of many a young lady.
05:08Oh, my God, my foot!
05:11I thought you were talking about my belt.
05:13Well, uh, shall we start the interview?
05:16Oh, good.
05:17We haven't started yet.
05:19Well...
05:22I'm glad you could make it, Dr. Crane.
05:24I've enjoyed your work.
05:25Oh, that's, uh...
05:28That's very gracious of you, Mr. Ugly.
05:33That didn't come out right, did it?
05:34Well...
05:35What do you mean?
05:36No, no, the way I just said your name right now sounded like I called you Mr. Ugly.
05:40I assure you it won't happen again.
05:42See, it's just a matter of separating the R's.
05:45Mr. Rug.
05:47Mr. Rug.
05:49Mr. Rug.
05:54Lee.
05:56Mr. Rugly.
05:59Um, anyway, uh...
06:01I think you might be a good fit here.
06:03We, uh, need to find a replacement for Dr. Wendy.
06:06Really?
06:07Yes, I didn't feel it was quite right to keep her on any longer.
06:10Uh-huh. Well, let me say, I applaud your judgment on that score.
06:16I mean, frankly, Dr. Wendy's saccharine style...
06:20It may be very popular, but, you know, it's...
06:22It's really not up to your standards, is it?
06:25Dr. Wendy's my mother.
06:29She's quite ill.
06:30Oh, no.
06:32Can I interrupt?
06:33Oh, please.
06:34You have some messages.
06:36Excuse me for a moment?
06:37Of course.
06:38Mr. Jameson has to cancel.
06:41Oh, very well. Why don't you call Phyllis Monder and see if she can reschedule?
06:45Oh, and don't forget to pick up my car from the shop.
06:48I already did. It's across the street.
06:50Some idiot parked his BMW in your space.
06:53Well, have it towed.
06:55I already made the call.
06:57Oh, and can you call Walter Hecht and see if he can reschedule for Wednesday?
07:01Yes.
07:08Uh, Dr. Crane?
07:09Yes?
07:11We don't have any tea, but would you like some coffee?
07:14Oh, that would be splendid, yes. Thank you.
07:24Everything all right?
07:26Yes, just fine. Thank you.
07:32What's that?
07:33Nothing.
07:36Is this the giraffe from my bookcase?
07:38Yes. Yes, it is. I'm sorry.
07:40I was admiring it. It broke apart in my hands.
07:43But, you know, if your child is anything like mine, he'd be delighted to make you a new one.
07:47Actually, my father made it.
07:50After his stroke.
07:55Well, I think you've got enough to go on. It was lovely meeting you.
07:59Ow! Ow!
08:01I'm sorry, you know, I'm going to have to dash if I'm going to beat that tow truck.
08:13Call the elevator.
08:16Thanks.
08:17Dad?
08:18Hey.
08:21I'm never going to that grocery store across the street again.
08:25They gave me such a hard time just because I brought Eddie in.
08:28Oh, well, it's not exactly sanitary, Dad.
08:32Oh, yeah? Well, when they get rid of the guy with pink eye who's handing out cheese samples,
08:36then they can talk to me about sanitary.
08:40Wait a minute.
08:42Didn't you bring home a case of dog food yesterday?
08:45Yeah, it was the economy stuff.
08:47He wouldn't touch it, so I've got to take all this back.
08:50This is his favorite kind.
08:52Well, I guess what they say is true.
08:54Once you've tasted animal by-products, you can't go back to the cheap stuff.
09:00Hey, have you, uh, picked a restaurant for tonight?
09:02No, I haven't.
09:04I can't go back to the cheap stuff.
09:08Hey, have you, uh, picked a restaurant for tonight?
09:10Oh, I've got a better idea than that.
09:12My old precinct's having one of their seized property auctions down in the fairgrounds.
09:16Oh, what's the better idea?
09:18Oh, come on, Miles.
09:20These drug dealers have some pretty nice stuff.
09:25I've been searching for a wide-brimmed purple velvet hat.
09:29It's really not my cup of tea.
09:31I'll tell you what, we'll just go for a little while, and then we'll come back here for dinner.
09:36Am I glad you're home.
09:38What's wrong?
09:39It's Dr. Cream.
09:41Ever since he came back from his job interview, he seemed awfully depressed.
09:45In fact, he's as bad as I've ever seen him.
09:47Oh, I guess it didn't go well?
09:49I gather not.
09:50He mumbled something about it being worse than the Dresden premiere of Schumann's Second Symphony.
09:56And you left him alone?
09:59Where is he?
10:01He's in the kitchen.
10:07Oh, my God!
10:11Frazier, you all right?
10:13I was fine before you screamed.
10:15What the hell is wrong with you?
10:17Well, Daphne said you were depressed, and here you are with your head in the oven.
10:21I was cleaning it, Miles.
10:23It's electric.
10:29If I was going to end my life, I'd choose something quicker than broiling.
10:37I'm sorry your interview didn't go well, Frazier.
10:40Oh, that's all right, Dad.
10:42You know, things don't work out the way we'd like them to sometimes.
10:46Much like my strict no-shopping-cars-to-the-apartment policy.
10:52Don't worry about it.
10:54I'll take it back, but I need it to return all that cheap dog food.
10:57Well, you know, Dad, I'm going down to pick up some cleaning supplies. I'll do it for you.
11:00Well, I thought you needed to get ready for the reunion.
11:03Oh, God, no. I'm not going.
11:05Why?
11:06Because I am cursed.
11:08If I wasn't convinced of it before today's interview, I certainly am now.
11:11Well, you haven't even heard anything. For all you know, you might have gotten that.
11:17Believe me, Dad, I have a better chance of being crowned Miss Teen USA.
11:24Oh, dear God.
11:26Well, just how casual is this thing tonight?
11:28Boss, I... I am so sorry. I completely forgot to call and tell you that, well, we're not going.
11:35Oh, wait a second.
11:38I found a babysitter at the last minute.
11:41I got a new dress, I got Miguel to do my hair,
11:44and I just spent the last hour listening to the Estee Lauder lady describe her bladder operation
11:50just so I could get a free makeover.
11:53And now you say we're not going?
11:55Boss, I can't go. You see, I have a curse on my head.
12:00What curse?
12:02He thinks the fates are conspiring to humiliate him at every reunion.
12:06Oh, come on. You don't really believe that, do you?
12:08All right, let's examine the evidence.
12:11Daphne, will you assist me, please?
12:13This is my school newsletter.
12:16The Bryce Academy Crier.
12:18Which, coincidentally, was Fraser's nickname his first year there.
12:25Just read it.
12:27Scott Alexander.
12:29What's he been up to?
12:31Wife, kids, has his own computer software business.
12:36Nancy Kearns.
12:39Mother of three, successful physician,
12:43has invented a drug that may aid in the treatment of cancer.
12:47Ah! Cure for cancer.
12:54Won't they be green with envy when I trump them with this little story about my life?
12:59Fraser Crane.
13:01Unattached, unemployed, and living with his father.
13:09He spends his days scrubbing his oven
13:13and is anxiously awaiting his upcoming tooth cleaning.
13:19Now, now, Fraser, everyone has ups and downs.
13:22You know, for all we know, that cure for cancer didn't pan out either.
13:30One can only hope, Dad.
13:33I bet if you just went in there with a sunny attitude, you'd have a good time.
13:38You know, I tried sunny last time. You know what it got me?
13:41Table 97.
13:43Singing goodbye, my Coney Island baby, with the checkmates.
13:50Well, maybe this time will be different.
13:52That's the mistake I always make.
13:54Thinking that this year it will be different.
13:56That I can beat the curse, but that's what the curse does.
13:58It makes you think that you can beat it, but you can't.
14:02I'm sorry, Ross. I apologize.
14:05I will make this up to you someday.
14:08Right now, I'm going to go down to the store
14:11and run a little errand for my friend Eddie.
14:15Tonight, I'll be coming back home,
14:18spending the evening with Daphne,
14:21doing some light housework
14:23with Daphne,
14:25doing some light housework
14:27and listening to my brand new book on tape.
14:31Depression, Anxiety and Death,
14:33as read by the author himself, Stanislav Monk.
14:39Now who's cursed?
14:54Excuse me, sir.
14:55You know, there's a place to recycle those cans right over there.
14:58Oh, I know.
15:03On behalf of Mother Earth, I thank you.
15:13That's the sort of person that drinks chocolate soda.
15:17Oh, yeah.
15:18That's the sort of person that drinks chocolate soda.
15:26Come on.
15:27Ah, gotcha.
15:31Frasier Green?
15:33Yes.
15:36Percy Williams.
15:38Oh, well, good to see you.
15:40I suppose you're on your way to the reunion.
15:42Uh, yes. Yes, I am.
15:45Couldn't make it this year myself.
15:47A little too much on my plate.
15:48Things have gotten crazy.
15:50I can see that.
15:52I heard you weren't on the radio.
15:55Oh, you did?
15:57You know, my wife heads up a charity
15:59that helps get homeless people back on their feet.
16:02Yes, I know.
16:03The Bootstrap Foundation.
16:04It's very popular in my city.
16:06You should call them.
16:08They could help you.
16:10Me?
16:15You know, this is very funny.
16:17The shopping cart, the dog food.
16:19I'm afraid you're suffering from the wrong impression.
16:23Dog food?
16:24Oh, it's not mine. It's my father's.
16:29Call them, Frasier.
16:31No, no, really.
16:32You're mistaken. I'm not homeless.
16:35I live in that luxury building right there.
16:37Number 1901.
16:39Frasier, please, take this.
16:41I don't need it.
16:42I drive a BMW.
16:43I collect African art.
16:46You always were a proud one.
16:48I am not proud.
16:49Then take it.
16:51And for God's sakes,
16:54spend it on food.
16:57I just threw out a $200 belt.
17:12Hey, how was the police auction?
17:30Well, they didn't miss anything,
17:31especially ones that started raining.
17:33I made out like a bandit.
17:36Yes, it is.
17:40Those drug lords have the most incredible taste.
17:43Christoffel Silver, Limoges.
17:46Oh, Orifor's Crystal.
17:48If I ever get married again,
17:49I'm going to register there.
17:54Hello, Walt.
17:55Oh, hey.
17:56I thought you were staying home.
17:58Yes, well, not anymore.
18:00Ran into Percy Williams down at the grocery store.
18:03He mistook me for a street person.
18:06If I don't get down there and defend myself,
18:08he'll be passing around that rumor
18:09along with the Swedish meatballs.
18:13Well, I'm glad you're going, Dr. Green.
18:15You'll have a nice time and you look great.
18:21You have no idea how big you owe me.
18:24Yes, I do, Roz.
18:25And frankly, I will never ask you for another favor again
18:28except could you possibly do something with your hair?
18:31It seems to be leaning.
18:34Fraser, when you called,
18:36I was in the tub with a pint of Haagen-Dazs.
18:38Considering that was 15 minutes ago,
18:40I think I look pretty good.
18:42And I appreciate it, Roz.
18:43I really do.
18:44It's just, Daphne,
18:45would you please help Roz getting finished?
18:46I'm finished.
18:47No, no, no.
18:48Finish more.
18:49Come on.
18:50And remember what I told you.
18:52Oh, yeah, right.
18:53I'm a model slash doctor
18:55slash daughter of the Duke of Luxembourg.
18:57Yeah, come along, you grace.
19:02Fraser?
19:05Are you actually so desperate
19:06that you're trying to impress these people
19:08by having Roz pretend to be some sort of trophy girlfriend?
19:11Trophy duchess.
19:15Niles, it's the only way to beat the curse.
19:18You could beat the curse by not going.
19:21I tried that, Niles.
19:22You see where it got me.
19:23The curse found a way to humiliate me in absentia.
19:27I've got to get down there.
19:29Why?
19:30You wanted to win the approval
19:31of a group of virtual strangers?
19:34I know it sounds foolish, Niles, but...
19:36No, no, it's not foolish.
19:38It's human.
19:41I think it's all about the feelings of inferiority
19:45you've been carrying with you since high school.
19:47That's the real curse.
19:49Only you're not the Bryce Cryer anymore.
19:51You're a successful man.
19:53You have an opportunity for real growth here.
19:56Not by trying to impress these people,
19:58but by realizing that they don't matter anymore.
20:05Okay, I'm ready.
20:07Oh, Roz.
20:10You look beautiful.
20:13Well, thank you.
20:14But we're not going.
20:15What?
20:16No, I'm sorry, Roz.
20:18It's got something to do with my personal growth.
20:20You see, I don't care about these people anymore,
20:22and, you know, I want them to know it.
20:25Frasier, I hired a babysitter twice.
20:29I did my makeup twice.
20:31I performed a miracle of engineering
20:33by taping myself into this dress twice.
20:37Only to be stood up twice?
20:39Roz, technically, you only did your hair once.
20:41Shut up!
20:43You know, someday you're gonna need
20:45another favor from me, buddy.
20:47And when that day comes,
20:48I hope you know what you can do with it.
20:50I have a pretty good idea.
20:51Well, do it twice!
20:56Well, that was something.
20:58Please, you call that a tantrum?
21:00Maris used to do that once a week.
21:03Poor thing needed help slamming the door.
21:07Uh, Frasier, I was just talking to Duke on the phone,
21:09and your agent plugged in.
21:11She was calling from a pay phone.
21:12She couldn't really talk,
21:13but she said that KPOV wants you
21:16to host your own show for them.
21:19My...
21:21own television show?
21:24KPOV?
21:26Oh, congratulations, Frasier.
21:28Thank you. Thank you all.
21:30Oh! Oh! Oh!
21:34I just realized
21:36this is an even bigger opportunity
21:38for personal growth.
21:40Having a prestigious new job like this
21:42and not even going to that reunion
21:44to boast about it.
21:46It is a great opportunity, isn't it?
21:51Have a good time.
21:52I will.
21:58Well, I must say,
22:01Frasier did have a run of bad luck this week.
22:03I'm certainly glad it's finally turned out better for him.
22:06No, he didn't really get a call.
22:08I just made it all up.
22:12His agent didn't call?
22:14No, I just wanted to give the guy
22:16something to brag about.
22:20Dad, I know you were trying to help,
22:22but don't you think that's a little risky?
22:24What if somebody at the reunion knows it's not true?
22:26Oh, no, you worry too much.
22:28Who's gonna know?
22:29I mean, most of these people are from out of town.
22:31They've probably never even heard of KPOV.
22:33I knew it!
22:35When you said KPOV, I thought it sounded familiar.
22:38And it's right here in Dr. Craig's newsletter.
22:41His classmate, Karl de Gerdstorf,
22:43was just named station manager.
22:47Well, that'd be nice for them.
22:49They'll be working together now.
22:51Oh, my God!
22:53Now, come on, it's gonna be all right.
22:55Don't worry about it.
22:56This de Gerdstorf probably won't even show.
22:59He just got a new job.
23:00He's probably real busy.
23:02I guess you're right.
23:04We mustn't assume the worst.
23:06I'm acting like Frasier as if there's really a curse.
23:09Look here.
23:10He's also serving as this year's reunion coordinator.
23:17THUNDER RUMBLES
23:30Good evening.
23:32Hello.
23:34Good to see you again.
23:37Hi! How are you doing?
23:39LAUGHTER
23:45After us.
23:56Hit it.
23:58HORN BLOWS
24:00Hello!
24:02Hello!
24:03Hello!
24:05Hello!
24:07LAUGHTER
24:09Goodbye, my Coney Island baby
24:13Farewell, my own true love
24:16True love
24:17Oh, honey
24:18I'm going to go away
24:20Leave you
24:22Never to see you any
24:25Never gonna see you any
24:27I'm going to sail upon that fairy boat
24:32MUSIC PLAYS
24:35Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
24:38Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
24:42Quite stylish
24:44And maybe I seem a bit confused
24:47Yeah, maybe
24:48But I got your pegs
24:50Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
24:53But I don't know what to do
24:55With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:01They're callin' again
25:05Scrambled eggs all over my face
25:08What is a boy to do?
25:13Frasier has left the building