Frasier Season 2 Episode 1 Slow Tango In Sou Th Seattle
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00:00Hello, Steven. I'm listening.
00:04Well, you see, Dr. Crane, my wife Tracy and I are having a baby,
00:08and I know we're getting a little ahead of ourselves,
00:10but there seems to be a lot of different advice about whether it's okay
00:14to let your kid climb into bed with you in the morning.
00:17Stop right there, Steven. It's okay.
00:21All relationships require that kind of close and undivided attention.
00:25Isn't that so, Roz?
00:26Uh-huh.
00:28But what if you and your wife enjoy, you know, making love in the morning?
00:36Oh, trust me. After the baby comes, that won't be an issue anymore.
00:43This is Dr. Fraser Crane on KACL. We'll be back after these messages.
00:50Roz, how can you be reading now?
00:53Oh, I don't know. It's something I picked up in elementary school, and it stuck.
00:59Just what is it that's so captivating?
01:01Slow Tango in South Seattle.
01:03Oh, God, not you, too. Why is it that every woman I see is carrying that book around?
01:07Because it's impossible to put down.
01:10Look, read the first paragraph. I guarantee you'll be hooked.
01:17There are tangos that come flowing from the wine-colored sea, from the rust of a hundred sunken ships.
01:28This is one of those dances.
01:32Well?
01:34There are books that make your stomach rumble and lurch and thrust your lunch ever upward.
01:46This is one of those books.
01:50You men are all a liar. You have no soul.
01:54Oh.
01:55Except for this one, the future Mr. Roz Doyle, Thomas J. Fallow.
01:59Oh, my God, it's him.
02:01What, do you know him?
02:03Yes. Yes, he used to drop into a neighborhood bar I frequented back in Boston.
02:08He's a bit pretentious, though. He's stuck out like a sore thumb.
02:14You used to drink with Thomas J. Fallow?
02:17Well, actually, I spent most of my time helping him get through his writer's block.
02:23In the future, I'll remember to use my powers for good and not for evil.
02:28Well, I don't care what you think about him.
02:31He's coming here to the station tomorrow to be on Amber Edwards' book chat, and you're going to introduce him.
02:36Oh, no, no, no, no, I can't see him. I'll have to tell him how much I like this book.
02:40You know how hard it is to lie to someone's face?
02:43Oh, no, it's easy for someone as bright and charming and articulate as you.
02:49Well, perhaps you're right.
02:54See how easy it is?
03:03Eight.
03:07Nine.
03:08Stop it, Daddy.
03:09Oh, he just wants to play, huh, boy?
03:12Yeah, well, therapy is not a game. Stop it! Stop it, I said!
03:19If he keeps this up, there's no point in us going on with these exercises.
03:23Attaboy!
03:28Hello, Dr. Crane.
03:29Hello, Daphne.
03:30Hey, Niles.
03:31Oh, doing your exercises, I see.
03:34Yes, and if someone doesn't let us get on with them, he's going to get a little spank on his family.
03:43That's right.
03:54Don't, don't, don't let me, unless you want to.
04:00What's up?
04:01Ah, well, when I brought you a beer in your room the other day, I couldn't help but notice that you had pictures of Frasier and Frederick
04:09and an autographed one from someone named Ken Griffey, Jr., but none of Maris and me.
04:17So I brought you this.
04:19Oh, gee, thanks.
04:21How is Maris doing wearing a job purse? She hasn't taken up horseback riding, has she?
04:26No, no, she wanted to, but unfortunately, her little quadriceps are so tight, she's incapable of straddling anything larger than a border collie.
04:40How are you, Lieutenant?
04:44I can't believe this. I simply cannot believe it.
04:47What is happening?
04:48Ah, this, this book. It was written by a man I knew.
04:53He's taken an incident from my own life, something I shared with him in confidence one night, and he's turned it into this, this trash.
05:00It's an old tango.
05:01Well, I've just started reading that.
05:04You mean to tell me that young man is based on you, Dr. Crane?
05:09Yes, he is. But did Thomas J. Fellow have the grace to thank me? No!
05:14My name isn't even listed in his acknowledgements.
05:17What's it about, anyway?
05:19That is not important.
05:20It's about his first time.
05:25Thank you, Daphne.
05:28Your first time doing what?
05:34Changing a flat tire.
05:38Oh, so this whole book's about the night you conceived Frederick.
05:45Very amusing, Dad. I'm happy to know that was not my first time.
05:50Hey, I'm happy to know it wasn't your only time.
05:54Just who was this charitable lass?
05:58That is not important.
06:00His piano teacher.
06:02His piano teacher? Thank you again, Daphne.
06:06No, it's not like it's a secret. I mean, it's all right there in black and white.
06:12About your awkward teenage lunging and how you used to call your chest hair your rug of love.
06:23Well, not all of it's true. He did take some literary license.
06:26Oh, then you're not really able to bring a woman to hidden realms of ecstasy with your panther-like prowess.
06:35Well, that part he got right.
06:39Boy, this really fries me. You know, that woman taking advantage of my kid.
06:44Not to mention I was putting out ten bucks a week for piano lessons so you could get your heads trimmed.
06:53Wait a minute. We're not talking about Miss Warner.
06:57Don't tell me this was going on during your lessons, too.
07:01Oh, you'll be relieved to know that while Frasier was getting his Rachmaninoffs, I was actually studying music.
07:09Now, look. This was not some tawdry older woman lusting after young flesh.
07:18Clarice and I cared for each other.
07:21She showed me a world I'd never known.
07:25Wouldn't know again for six and a half years.
07:32No, it's true. As Mr. Fallow put it, she saw your sensitive poetic side.
07:39And you couldn't help noticing the way her wry, heaving bosom would brush your cheek when she reached for the metronome.
07:47What kind of man who drank so heavily remembers so much?
07:54And yet he still conveniently forgot who told him the story.
07:57Yes, well, he's going to get a little reminder today.
08:02No, no, give it to me. Give it to me. I want it. Give it to me.
08:07I buttered when you kissed me. I withered when you left me.
08:13I bloomed a few months while you loved me.
08:18Would you calm down?
08:20Not until I have exacted my pound of flesh.
08:23Could you at least wait until I get my book signed?
08:25Oh, well, here. Let me sign it for you. It's my story. It's your story, Annie.
08:28Frasier, stop it!
08:30Ross, Ross, you haven't told anyone about this, have you? They'd have a field day with me.
08:35Frasier, give me credit for a little discretion, will you?
08:38Hey, piano boy!
08:41Way to pound those ivories!
08:47Hold on, hold on. Listen, I...
08:49It's the imperative that this not be commonly known.
08:52Hey, hey, doc, it's no big deal.
08:57Anything for you? I still got some feeling on the other side of my head.
09:01Look.
09:04Look, I had a similar experience when I was 16
09:08with an older woman who introduced me to the mysteries of love.
09:12Of course, she was a hooker.
09:15Hey, it was a birthday present from my dad, okay?
09:21You want to know the ironic thing, doc?
09:24All I wanted was a bike.
09:32Oh, come on, Frasier. How could you expect me not to tell anybody?
09:36You can't keep something like that all bottled up.
09:39I only told one person.
09:41Hello, Frasier.
09:43Ross.
09:44Hi, Gail.
09:45Oh, I was just finishing my restaurant review of my show this afternoon
09:50when I came up with the perfect sandwich named after you at Rosenthal's Deli.
09:56Frasier Crane's Double Decker.
09:58It consists of aged pheasant, spring chicken, and of course, plenty of tongue.
10:07I wept as our bodies made the music of love.
10:12I'm your rhapsody.
10:14Play me.
10:15Crescendo, my young maestro, crescendo.
10:20My vessel yearns to dock in the magnificence of your harbor.
10:26Hey, that's not in the book.
10:31One thing I must ask you.
10:33What was your inspiration for this poignant love story?
10:38Quiet, quiet. It's his last chance.
10:41Well, Amber, it was actually given to me by God.
10:46By God?
10:48Do you believe this guy's brandiosity?
10:50I'm God and he knows it.
10:55Well, we'll be right back with a divinely inspired Thomas J. Fallow
11:00right after this station break.
11:05Will you excuse me?
11:06I want to call my husband and see if he can take a long lunch.
11:16Thomas J. Fallow.
11:20Frasier.
11:22Frasier Crane. I can't believe it.
11:26Well, I see my name hasn't entirely escaped your sieve-like memory.
11:31Why would it?
11:33Well, it didn't make it into your list of acknowledgements, you egomaniacal thief.
11:39You read my book.
11:43I didn't have to read it. I lived it.
11:46Not that anybody would know that from reading your three pages of acknowledgements
11:50in which you mention everyone from your kindergarten teacher to the man who designed the typeface.
11:54But no mention of me, no.
11:56I'm only the man that gave you the story which you have ruthlessly merchandised
12:00into this million-dollar treacle machine.
12:06I'm finished now.
12:11I'm so sorry.
12:14I don't know how I could have been so thoughtless.
12:26I owe you everything.
12:32Oh, my God. Frasier, what did you do to the poor man?
12:37Thomas, what happened?
12:39Frasier made him cry.
12:44Oh, my God.
12:50Maris is reading Slow Tango in South Seattle. I think it's put thoughts in her head.
12:55This morning, I found her cooing over the college student who skims the koi pond.
13:01I wouldn't concern myself.
13:03So you think it's just innocent flirting?
13:06No, I just wouldn't concern myself.
13:14Hey, Frasier.
13:16Hi, Dad. Nice.
13:17Frasier, congratulations.
13:19Maris was listening to book chat during her seaweed rap
13:22and heard Thomas J. Fallow acknowledge his enormous debt to you.
13:26Yes. I had a little chat with him this afternoon.
13:29Did he seem properly contrite?
13:32I made him cry.
13:34That's my boy.
13:38You must be feeling pretty good, huh?
13:41Actually, Dad, the entire incident has left me strangely unsatisfied.
13:48I don't know. I still feel sort of empty.
13:51I don't know. I've been turning it around in my mind all day.
13:55God, you kill me, you know.
13:57You get exactly what you want and you're still not happy.
14:01Frasier, life is not hard. You make it hard.
14:05You don't just let things happen and enjoy it.
14:08You gotta analyze everything to death.
14:11You know, you could learn a big lesson from this dog here.
14:18You know what makes him happy?
14:20A sock.
14:23Come on, Eddie.
14:30Ignore him.
14:32Obviously, what's troubling you goes deeper than your usual malaise.
14:35Shame on you.
14:37What for?
14:39What for? You just ran out on her.
14:42Leaving her bed as empty as a swallow's nest after fall's first frost.
14:48And you ask me what for?
14:53Well, I'd just been accepted to Harvard.
14:56What else was I gonna do?
14:58Oh, so you just leave in the middle of the night without so much as a kiss on the forehead.
15:03You never said goodbye to Miss Warner?
15:06She was sleeping so peacefully.
15:10She had an early lesson.
15:15I left a rose on her pillow.
15:19Ah-ha.
15:20Ah-ha what?
15:22Ah-ha this. I have a theory.
15:24Well, why else would you say ah-ha?
15:27No, no, no. Just listen.
15:29You thought you were angry at Thomas Fallow for failing to thank you for the contribution you made to his life.
15:35But perhaps the person you're really angry at is yourself.
15:38You never thanked Miss Warner for the contribution she made to your life.
15:44I was only 17 years old. I'm sure she understood.
15:48Well, perhaps she didn't.
15:50She was a vulnerable, lonely, middle-aged woman.
15:53It is possible that her feelings for you ran deeper than you realized.
15:58Feelings which you crushed when you disappeared without so much as a thank you or a goodbye.
16:03Yes, well, thank you and goodbye.
16:12Fine. I'll just leave you with this thought.
16:15Your encounter with Thomas J. Fallow was unsatisfactory because it failed to provide you with the closure you were seeking.
16:22For that, you will have to make amends with Miss Warner.
16:25Ah-ha.
16:34Very funny, Dad!
16:42He had been a teenage Galboa, an explorer of the rising pinnacles and gently curving slopes of my body.
16:51And in one explosive burst of discovery, he had staked claim to the Pacific Ocean that was my soul.
17:00But now he was leaving.
17:03Going.
17:05Vanishing like a solitary boat on the lonely horizon.
17:10Departing like a train rolling ceaselessly through the night.
17:16Exiting swiftly like...
17:19And so he was gone.
17:49And now, in the cool of the evening, I play my piano.
18:00And his last words resonate through the notes.
18:04I'll come back to you, my cherished one.
18:10But he never did.
18:13And all that remains of him are the withered petals of the rose he left upon my pillow.
18:43Clarice.
18:55Time.
18:58The subtle thief of youth.
19:14Hello.
19:18May I help you?
19:20Miss Warner?
19:22Yes.
19:24I...
19:26I'm Frasier Crane.
19:29I'm sorry, my memory's not what it used to be.
19:34But please come in.
19:38Would you like to sit down?
19:41Yes, I would.
19:43So...
19:45We know each other?
19:48Well...
19:51We were friends.
19:53More than friends, actually.
19:56You really don't remember?
19:58I'm trying.
20:02You must have some recollection of...
20:05Fair-haired boy outside your door?
20:09At the piano?
20:11On the piano?
20:17No, I'm sorry.
20:21Well, listen, before the memories come flooding back to you, I...
20:28I should tell you that we had a romance that didn't have the happiest of endings.
20:35Oh.
20:39That's why I'm here.
20:43Our last evening together, we walked through a summer storm, and I...
20:49kissed the raindrops off your nose, and promised that we'd always be together.
20:58But I broke that promise.
21:01You helped a shy adolescent take his first uncertain steps toward becoming a man, and how did I repay that kindness?
21:10By running off and leaving you with nothing but your memories.
21:13And not many of those, either.
21:19Can you ever forgive me?
21:21Oh, you're so sweet.
21:24Of course I can forgive you.
21:26Thank you.
21:28Thank you.
21:29It's such a relief to get that off my chest.
21:32Mother?
21:33Mother, I'm going now.
21:35You run along, Clarice.
21:38Clarice?
21:40Oh.
21:42Excuse me.
21:44Mother, this is Frasier Crane.
21:49Apparently we were quite an item once.
21:56Frasier Crane?
21:59What are you doing here?
22:02Obviously making an enormous mistake.
22:09Would you get us some iced tea, please?
22:14She's getting rid of me, but I'll be back.
22:22My God.
22:25I can't believe you're here.
22:29I mean, it's got to be 20...
22:3125.
22:3325 years.
22:38And look at you.
22:40Look at you?
22:42You look incredible.
22:43Well, sure, compared to my mother.
22:48No.
22:51That's not what I mean.
22:54You look...
22:57stunning.
22:59Thank you.
23:02Well, and you, you've become a very handsome man.
23:09And successful, too.
23:12Thank you.
23:19You're here because of that book, aren't you?
23:23Yes, and I'd like to apologize right off.
23:30I told that story to Mr. Fallow in confidence.
23:33It was never meant to be in print.
23:35There's no need to apologize.
23:39That was a lovely time in my life.
23:45It was nice to relive it.
23:57So...
24:00are you married?
24:02Divorced.
24:04You?
24:05I never married.
24:08Look, I came here to apologize about more than just the book.
24:16I never felt quite right about the way I left things.
24:20I abandoned you.
24:22It was selfish and cowardly.
24:26Oh, Frasier, relax.
24:31I always felt guilty for shortchanging you on your music lessons.
24:41Do you still keep it up?
24:49Well, the piano, yes.
24:53Yes.
24:56Gee, I, you know, I was so nervous about coming here.
25:00Now it feels like old times.
25:04Sit at middle C.
25:09And then the metronome.
25:20All right, well, maybe I should get going.
25:28Clarice, at the risk of sounding a little forward,
25:32would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?
25:35Oh, thanks, but I'll have to say no.
25:38If you're worried about the age difference, believe me, that's no longer an issue.
25:44All right, honey, ready to go?
25:45I'll be right out.
25:55Are you in heel?
25:57Uh-huh.
25:59I wasn't interested in 40-year-old men then, and I guess I'm still not.
26:05It's great to see you again, though.
26:08Bye, Mom.
26:15Good.
26:16Now we're alone.
26:24See what I did?
26:26I put a raindrop on my nose.
26:36Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:43Oh, my.
26:45And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:48Well, maybe.
26:49But I got you pegged.
26:54But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
27:01They're calling again.
27:04Good night, Seattle.
27:05We love you.