Frasier Season 3 Episode 13 Moon Dance
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00well we've got about 30 seconds I think we've got time for one quick call hello
00:06Marlene I'm listening oh my god I'm really on yes your problem please
00:11lucky get down George get the dog so exciting honey honey get the baby George
00:19get your son okay okay here it is dr. crane if my husband and I don't find
00:25some time to have sex soon I think I'm gonna burst I may even have to go to a
00:28department store and pick up a stranger
00:37I'll call you back well to all you Marlene's out there may I suggest that
00:44sex with a stranger is not the answer why don't you just pack the kids off
00:50with Nana and pop-pop lock lucky downstairs in the basement grab your
00:54husband take him to the sturdiest kitchen table you have and let the
00:58postman ring twice now to the rest of my listeners I'll be off on vacation for
01:05the next week so please tune in to my replacement the noted podiatrist dr.
01:10Gareth Wooten you'll be discussing the virtues of his new book bunions and
01:15blisters and corns oh my
01:20hate it when that weird foot freak subs for you couldn't you just have Frederick
01:26come and visit you here I'm sorry Ross Max he's waiting outside to take me to
01:31the airport well have a great time thanks and don't forget to bring me a
01:37present I'll get you a nice t-shirt from colonial Williamsburg you're taking
01:41Frederick to Williamsburg ooh it's a wonderful vacation spot we're going to
01:48dip candles and tan leather churn butter hey Frederick Crane you just finished
01:55the first grade what are you gonna do now I'm going to butter world
02:01hey bring that laundry over here will ya what for I was just reading about an
02:12intelligence test you can give your dog you throw a towel over its head and see
02:16how long it takes him to shake it off Eddie oh and the fast retakes the towel
02:21off the smart trees no the fast refolds it
02:27all right now they went to all the dogs and the smartest was a border collie he
02:33did it in seven seconds all right come on boy take it off
02:44seven okay well the next fastest one was a poodle I know he's as smart as a
02:50poodle okay so he's no poodles not a beagle either or a German Shepherd or a
03:02Labrador oh for God's sake Eddie yes well if you ask me he's refusing to do
03:09that trick because he knows if he does it right you'll have him doing it every
03:13time we have company hey I'll bet you're right nice going Eddie oh hello
03:26dr. Crane I appreciate the false cheer Daphne but I'm sure you've seen this
03:30today's society page don't tell me don't tell me don't tell me I'm saving it for
03:34after dinner
03:38apparently Maris is going on a three-week cruise her friends threw her a
03:42bon voyage party look at the photo Maris on the arm of Pearson Broadwater
03:49dr. Crane look she's just standing there barely touching him with only the
03:54tiniest bit of a smile on her face you can practically hear the zing zing zing
03:59of her heartstrings dr. Crane sorry Niles it gets worse this morning I spoke to
04:07Marta my ex-maid and current mole she reports that Broadwater is just the
04:14latest in a parade of escorts gigolos are swarming around Maris like ants on a
04:19Snickers bar wait a minute that's good news she's seeing a whole bunch of
04:25people it means she's not serious about anyone you think yeah sure they're
04:30probably just her escorts you know how she loves going to parties yes she never
04:35liked going anywhere alone except to bed
04:40more good news
04:43wouldn't hurt you to go out a little bit every once in a while too if you're
04:48suggesting that I start dating you can save your breath women don't exactly
04:52find me irresistible oh come on Niles you've had lots of girlfriends oh let's
04:58count there's Maris Dora my childhood pen pal from Costa Rica
05:10seemed to recall a little girl in the fourth grade who lured me to a stairwell
05:14to show me her underpants I think your problem is you still picture yourself as
05:20that same geeky kid you were in high school but you've come a long way since
05:24then and you're not doing yourself any favors sitting home every night now just
05:28think about it why dr. Craig well wouldn't you
05:45Oh give it up but now I've every right to be proud of his dog well I just don't
05:51like show-offs okay ginger catch the Frisbee ginger roll over ginger do my
05:58taxes just because that he's not good at tricks the hell he isn't he just likes
06:05the kind to give him a chance to use his brain that he's a thinker just watch
06:12this open the door for him now I've been teaching in the names of all his chew
06:18toys Eddie get your banana
06:24now he's thinking
06:31which one's the banana now he's thinking what the heck did I do with my banana
06:44now he's thinking which one's the emergency book
06:54dr. crane hello I let myself in I hope that's all right
06:59all right what's up oh I just applied to ask you a question are you free
07:03Saturday night sure well I'm not I have a date
07:08Oh good for you who is she Marjorie Nash the fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt
07:17heiress I bumped into her at the Frye Museum before I knew it your advice was
07:26thundering in my ears I found myself asking her out we'll be attending our
07:30club's annual winter dance the snowball good for you what's she like well she's
07:37terribly haughty and rumors persist about her husband's death but still a
07:41date the date
07:47snowball sounds very collaborative I didn't know you could dance well I can't
07:53oh dear you don't think she'll want me to
08:01I've taken Maris to dozens of these things she's never once asked to dance
08:06of course Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm oh this is terrible
08:15my first date it's a miserable failure before it even begins I'll just have to
08:18cancel all you need are a few dancing lessons I'll be happy to give you some
08:23you would yeah growing up used to practice all the time with me brother
08:28Billy the ballroom dancer I couldn't prevail upon you like that it'd be too
08:32much trouble we'll have to move this
08:38push the chair back or not
08:47we'll start with a box step it's very simple you take my hand like so and your
08:54other hand goes around my waist now start with your left foot which one
09:00Oh step towards me then bring your right foot forward and over and slide
09:09the left over to meet it then the right foot goes back the left back and over
09:16and the right slides next to it and that's it all right once again and a one
09:24two oh three that's you two three three two three four two three this is boring
09:36yet difficult
09:39there's no trick to dance this is a matter of coordination hell if you can
09:45ride a bike or skip rope or kick a ball you can certainly
09:55all right once again and a one two oh three
10:09really doing very well dr. Crane early you seemed a bit tense you've really
10:15relaxed though now haven't you
10:18you two like a pretty sure well I think we're ready to move on to the samba
10:28Eddie fetch me a samba tape Xavier cougar now he's thinking the later
10:37Hollywood stuff or the early New York recordings now guess what I'm well I'm
10:48gonna head back good night and turn see you in the morning spend and dip
10:56there's my phone flip and push Niles Crane Oh Marjorie how are you oh what a
11:07shame well no no that's all right there will be other dances no no I understand
11:15completely take care well I won't be needing those dancing lessons I guess
11:26not I'm sorry so I couldn't find any kooky but this'll do all right now in
11:40the samba to hold me a little closer there's one thing I wanted to mention
11:46I'm a dancer a dancer dancer
12:02well look who's here it's my dancing partner hello Fred hello ginger it's a
12:10little joke we have look Daphne I got two new CDs today tonight we master the
12:18mambo and a conga and feel myself growing a pencil-thin mustache just
12:22saying that more lessons tonight oh yes he's gonna be the best dancer at the
12:28ball I'll just go get us some coffees
12:35why didn't you tell your date at cancel you don't need more lessons I wanted to
12:39but she's just having so much fun you think I don't see the way you look at
12:46Daphne what are you implying you know damn well that I'm implying take my word
12:51for it you're sticking a fork in the toaster here well my muffins stuck
12:58besides what's the harm in a few dance lessons it's nighttime you're alone the
13:10music's on you've got your arms around her you'll end up saying something you
13:15can't take back I have no intention of saying anything no one ever does take my
13:21word for it when I was separated from your mother there was this pretty
13:29coroner in the city morgue I always had a bit of a crush on her whenever would
13:37find a dead body I'd yell out okay boys I'll take it from here it's one night I
13:45invited it down to the corner bar coroners have their own bars no corner
13:51anyway we had a few drinks lights were low Sinatra on the jukebox before I knew
14:06it it just all came pouring out of me I told her how I felt I mean I knew the
14:11second it was out of my mouth that it was a mistake she let me down easy but
14:17we still let me go on seeing each other all the time sure was no fun going to
14:22the morgue after that so what time are we starting your lessons tonight dr.
14:30clean actually that won't be necessary I just got a call from Marjorie and
14:36something's come up I won't be going to the ball oh well I'm sorry it's quite
14:41all right thank you for all your help seems such a shame to waste all that
14:48hard work I hope you don't think I'm being too forward but what would you
14:56say about our going to the dance together no no he's already taken up too
15:00much of your time Daphne he couldn't ask you to do that no but it will be as much
15:04fun for me as it would be for him I'd love an elegant evening out what do you
15:10say dr. crane tell her what you say dr. Graham pick you up at 7
15:27no Eddie that's not your banana that's mr. pig listen to the difference
15:35banana banana I still love you a little pinhead go sit down Oh am I glad you're
15:51back listen please but just spent the most wonderful six days with Frederick
15:56I'm technically still on vacation until 10 a.m. tomorrow yeah yeah but then I do
16:03not care to know how hard Daphne made you exercise or about the boring foreign
16:08film Niles made you sit through or about the progress of Eddie's on again off
16:13again romance with the Ottoman well you don't understand please for all intents
16:21and purposes I am NOT here that'll be my date oh I'm so excited this is my first
16:29ball oh I hope he likes me dress Daphne hello dr. crane welcome back hello Wow
16:40Oh Frazier you're back well our carriage waits and you better get a hold of this
16:52now I'm gonna be waking up for you mr. crane
17:03what the hell is that Eddie did you hear something can't be
17:11Frazier he's still on vacation what was that dad we stopped kidding around was
17:48Niles when I was at school I'm your boy Niles and I called him Niley just for
17:57tonight could you call me Niles
18:00you're a visual everyone's staring at you you look awfully handsome yourself
18:08now would you like some champagne be back in a moment two champagnes too
18:22sweet how are you just fine thanks Andrew say hello to Nile haven't seen
18:31you for ages I feel just terrible about you and Maris oh yes we were just
18:36positively everyone is talking about it oh and how is positively ever alone
18:41devastating we were just saying that to Maris when we ran into her and Barclay
18:47Paxton at the Breeders' Cup no no no she was a Carla Binaldi at the Breeders' Cup
18:52well it's so hard to keep track anyway Niles if there's anything we can do to
18:58cheer you up just let us know perhaps a murder-suicide pact
19:06they weren't very nice everyone in our set seems to have this idea that while
19:12Maris is out living the high life I'm sitting at home crushed and lonely
19:17yeah well never mind those gossipy twits tonight you're all mine now take me in
19:25your arms Niles let the music carry us away
19:35thank you we'll be back in ten minutes
19:55oh I can't remember when I've had a better time I'm on cloud nine I'd have
20:08to look down to see cloud nine
20:12Stephanie I must tell you again that is an exquisite gown oh it was way out of
20:19my price range but did you ever see something and say I just have to have it
20:30where's my chair
20:38a tangle oh you never taught me tango oh you'll love it it's perfect for you
20:45this is a passionate full-blooded dance that rose up from the slums of
20:50Buenos Aires well it parallels between me and a unemployed gaucho aside I think
20:56we probably should just sit this one out nonsense there's only one rule in the
21:02tango our bodies must be in continuous contact with not a sliver of daylight
21:10between us I can do that
21:17don't be afraid Daphne won't let anything happen to you I don't think
21:22don't think just feel you're an Argentine slum dweller you have no house
21:31no car you don't know where your next meal is coming from but none of that
21:38because tonight
21:41we have the time oh mama I've got it on
21:56that's it you're dazzling you're brilliant
22:00you're holding back I am this is no time for inhibitions I know
22:11let it out Niles well that's everything else Oh Daphne I adore you
22:22I adore you too what I adore you too oh I've longed to hear those words oh how
22:40I've longed to say them you're beautiful you're a goddess I don't have a lot this
22:47moment to end and let's not let it
23:17this is the most glorious night of my life mine too
23:47I'm a new man do you have any idea what I'm feeling oh of course I do your
23:58friends look positively dumbstruck from now on there'll be no more of that
24:04oh poor Niles attitude far from it oh I knew you were a good dancer but I had no
24:14idea you were such a good actor actor Daphne you're a goddess Daphne I adore
24:23you we fooled everyone didn't we oh oh we certainly did didn't we I'm surprised
24:38it was so easy well given the right circumstances anyone can be fooled what
24:48do you say to another dance no thanks it's getting late and I've danced enough
24:53all right then I'll just go powder my nose and that will be up
25:08Oh Niles no no please Claire Barnes I was an associate in your attorney's
25:18office oh yes Clara's it's good to see you again well I heard about you and
25:24Maris and I just wanted to give you my card and let you know that you're free
25:28to call me anytime thank you I'm happy with my attorney I meant to go dancing
25:35oh thanks
25:45well are you ready uh no I don't think I am I beg your pardon I mean yes let's go
25:55oh we had a time tonight didn't we we certainly did I think you almost didn't
26:04come to the ball you know it's such a shame when people like fear stop and
26:09don't try new things
26:22I'm ready now
26:26you
26:31hey baby I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs mercy
26:40and maybe I seem a bit confused well maybe but I got you big but I don't know
26:50what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs they're calling again