The Genie From Down Under (1998) (S2, Ep 9)
Episode 9 of 13 of Series 2 (titled Stocks & Bondings). In this episode, Penelope wants a boyfriend and decides to get one without the help of the genies. However, he's not all he seems to be. Meanwhile, Mossop decides to leave to "find" herself, and becomes a leather clad biker!
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Monica Maughan, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphreys, Petra Yared, Jacinta Stapleton and Simon Grey.
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Monica Maughan, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphreys, Petra Yared, Jacinta Stapleton and Simon Grey.
Transcript
00:00What do I need more than anything else in the whole world?
00:07A little brother called Bess?
00:08A stepfather called Bruce?
00:10Don't be ridiculous, what haven't I got?
00:15Good manners?
00:16No.
00:17A sense of humour?
00:18No.
00:19It's simple, isn't it?
00:20I need a boyfriend.
00:21Having a boyfriend is the second most important thing in the whole world.
00:27So what's the most important?
00:28Well, obviously, it's making sure your girlfriends see you've got a boyfriend.
00:32Ah.
00:33Finding a boyfriend for Penn.
00:36Hmm.
00:37I mean, this could be a tough one, son.
00:39No need to exhaust your tiny brain, Bruce.
00:41I know exactly who I want, and I'm perfectly capable of getting him myself.
00:46So, is this guy, like, all there?
00:49I'll have you know that Montgomery St. Ives not only has brains and good looks, he's also incredibly wealthy.
00:55I'm going to meet him this afternoon at Marcia and Sophie's badminton party, so there.
00:59I just need a boyfriend to accompany me.
01:02Why do you need a boyfriend if you're going after Monty?
01:05I don't want Monty to think I'm after him or that I can't get a boyfriend.
01:10Oh.
01:11Of course.
01:12What about me?
01:13I'm a boy, and I'm your friend.
01:15I can't go with a kindergarten reject.
01:17What would Marcia and Sophie think?
01:19I can grow.
01:20I wish you would.
01:25Mmm.
01:26Ah.
01:27Childhood.
01:28It goes so fast.
01:29One minute they're babies, and the next, poof.
01:35Really, Bubbles, that health seminar was a waste of time.
01:38How can people talk for eight hours about being decisive?
01:41Well, actually, I'm not quite sure.
01:44It could be a number of things.
01:46Then again, I think the self-help thing is so wonderful,
01:51I've been serving others.
01:53Where are you off to, darling?
01:55I feel as if I've disappeared.
01:57Sometimes I just wish I could get away and find myself.
02:00Well, I wish you could find yourself, too, Marcy.
02:03Now, I'm...
02:05Bruce?
02:12Yes!
02:13Yes!
02:22Was that a mossop?
02:23Mossop from England?
02:25Mm.
02:26Where?
02:27Back there.
02:28Back there?
02:29No.
02:31I've got to get myself some wheels.
02:36Er, anyway, as I was saying, I'm off to Marcia's.
02:39I need a cup of tea.
02:41Oh, yes.
02:42Marcy, could you...
02:45Oh, no.
02:46Do you know how to make tea?
02:49Er, if we could find her recipe, perhaps.
02:52Hmm.
03:03Do you think he could slow down to a comfortable speed?
03:08Hey, leg foot, can you slow it down?
03:11We're losing our internal organs back here.
03:13No can do, I'm afraid, darling.
03:15We've got to get these old coaches where they want to be on time
03:19to keep them happy, all right?
03:21You're just never satisfied, are you?
03:23We just have to go and rock the bus.
03:38Oh!
03:41Ah!
03:42Bravo.
03:44Well, I'm off to Santa Fe for the holidays.
03:48Oh, Thomas, that's so amazing.
03:50Yes, it's Mauritius for us.
03:52How incredible.
03:55Amazing.
03:58Incredible.
04:00Marcia, Sophie.
04:02So good to see you.
04:03Baz?
04:04So, um, this is Marcia Hadley.
04:06Hi.
04:07Have we met?
04:08Yeah, heaps of times.
04:09Most likely.
04:10No battle since he was this high.
04:12Go on.
04:13Hello.
04:14I'm Thomas.
04:15Well, that's lovely, I must say.
04:17He's suave, handsome, and obviously so mature.
04:20Anyone for Twister?
04:22What?
04:23I mean, grovel around the ground in a tangle of arms and legs?
04:28Fabulous.
04:29Grass?
04:30Girls?
04:33Er, we might take a rain check, right, Sophie?
04:37Come on, then, guys.
04:38Let's set up over here.
04:43Monty.
04:44Monty, it's so good to see you.
04:46Marcia.
04:47Sophie.
04:48Hello.
04:49Just fleeing from New York.
04:50Daddy's buying a few companies or something.
04:52Amazing.
04:53Incredible.
04:54Oh, hello.
04:55I'm Monty.
04:56Oh, hello.
04:57I...
04:58I...
04:59I...
05:00I...
05:01I...
05:02I...
05:03I...
05:04I'm sorry.
05:05I don't speak Italian.
05:06Oh!
05:07Oh!
05:08Oh!
05:09Oh!
05:10Oh, God.
05:11Oh.
05:12Hello?
05:13Hello?
05:14Oh.
05:15Oh, yes.
05:16Good price.
05:17I'll take 30,000 shares, Sophie.
05:18Bye.
05:19My name's Penelope Towns.
05:20I'm very...
05:21Is that Twister they've got there?
05:22Oh, yes.
05:23Ridiculous game.
05:24So, passe.
05:25I love Twister.
05:26Who wants to play?
05:27Oh, yes.
05:28How amazing.
05:29How incredible.
05:30How humiliating.
05:31Hello, Charlotte.
05:32How you doing, Bill?
05:33OK.
05:34Right, guys.
05:35All right, no more Miss Nice Person.
05:38I shan't rest until Monty St Ives is my boyfriend
05:41and that those so-called friends of mine are wallowing in the depths of misery.
05:45Bruce, I have a wish.
06:00Oh, Penelope, Sebastian dumped me.
06:04And dumped me. And Thomas me.
06:07Oh, really? How awful. You must be in misery.
06:11The depths.
06:13They said they were tired of watching us celebrate over Monty.
06:16We don't celebrate.
06:18No, it's more of a drool, isn't it?
06:21I must admit, though, Monty is quite mouth-watering.
06:24I can't wait till he gets here.
06:26Monty's coming here?
06:28Why?
06:30To see me.
06:32Amazing. Incredible.
06:35Unbelievable.
06:37Yes.
06:39I wish he was here right now.
06:46We can hear that footstep.
06:48If he says they're going to rise, then I want the piece of it.
06:51Monty!
06:53Oh, hello. I'll get back to you.
06:56What a surprise.
06:59I'm not actually quite sure why I popped in.
07:01I'm actually on my way to Australia.
07:03See, there's an international competition for junior stockbroker of the year.
07:06And I'm favourite to win.
07:08Australia? Really?
07:11Oh, Monty. I don't know whether you remember.
07:14Marcia, Sophie.
07:16Special treat to see you two again.
07:19Very well.
07:21That's not right.
07:23I want him to like me and think I'm special.
07:26I wish we were somewhere alone and that he'd shower me with adoration.
07:30No problem.
07:37I said adoration, not deportation.
07:40Where is he?
07:42Sophie, I can't see you.
07:45I think we're totally alone out here.
07:50Not completely alone.
07:54He might help us.
07:56I can't. Pigs might fly.
07:58Will you shut up?
08:00Pardon?
08:02Oh, a mirage. A talking mirage.
08:04I'll handle this.
08:18Oh, Marcy. What a triumph.
08:21Well, actually, it's a Harley Davidson.
08:28Twist it.
08:32Oh, here. Let me help you with that.
08:36Dog dotters. Hopeless.
08:38We'll never get this thing up.
08:40May I sit in there, Mr Stooges?
08:44Mr von Meister, we were wondering if you and Conrad might possibly give us a hand.
08:50Sorry, pal. No can do.
08:52Now, you paid for the no frills outback experience,
08:55and that's exactly what you're going to get.
08:57We're really grateful, but what are we supposed to do about putting these things up?
09:02Well, that's just how Otto is. He can never do enough for you.
09:05Say that again.
09:08Give me that.
09:11After you put your tents up, you can have all the frill and experience of making your own lunch.
09:18Thank you very much, sir.
09:20No worry.
09:21We won't trouble you again.
09:23Good.
09:24Come on.
09:25Nobody likes a whinger.
09:56Who was that masked rider?
09:58They call her Mad Moss.
10:03You know, you're very special, Penelope.
10:05You saved my life, conjured up a computer as if by magic.
10:08Really? It was nothing.
10:10Still, I'd like to do you a special favour in return.
10:13Invite you to a little party they're throwing before the junior stockbroker always.
10:17Oh, Monty, that's wonderful. I'm speechless. This is such a thrill.
10:21Don't say another word.
10:23I'm speechless. This is such a thrill.
10:25Don't say another word. Please, I need to get to work.
10:31Hello? Yes.
10:33Oh, yes, I'm back online.
10:35Well, we've obviously got a very special relationship.
10:38It's silent, but special.
10:41You think so, do you? So do I.
10:43I just wish Marcia and Sophie could see me with him.
10:46I thought you said you didn't want to see them anymore.
10:49But if you insist.
10:54What have we here?
10:56I found them wandering in the bush,
10:59talking about Wiltshire and shopping.
11:02Really?
11:04Is this the Wiltshire boutique?
11:06Now, you take care, girls. Drink lots of water.
11:09And don't forget to buy a ticket.
11:11Thank you very much.
11:13Thank you.
11:15Thank you.
11:17Thank you.
11:19Thank you.
11:21Drink lots of water.
11:23And don't forget to brush your teeth.
11:25Thank you, madmouse.
11:34Tokyo Stock Market closes in five minutes, Montgomery.
11:38He's working towards the stock-breaking competition.
11:41Amazing. Incredible.
11:44Oh, hello there.
11:46Come to watch the wheels of finance in motion, have we?
11:50Come on.
11:53Now, it might be a bit complex for you girls,
11:56but just watch my total wealth rise.
12:02You know, stock-breaking requires total concentration,
12:06which is kind of hard with this light.
12:09Do you have a lamp?
12:11Oh, of course, Monty.
12:14Oh, Sophie, be a dear and check if my Wall Street journals
12:17arrive to the mail, won't you?
12:19Oh, my pleasure, Monty.
12:21Thank you.
12:27Oh, Marcia, I'm so glad I could catch a moment alone.
12:30You see, I've got this little party coming up,
12:32and I was wondering if you might...
12:37Penelope, I think we need to talk about Monty.
12:42Isn't he just the most fascinating person?
12:45Fascinating wasn't exactly the word that sprang to mind.
12:48How about boring, vain, arrogant?
12:52Yes, they're all good.
12:54Darling, I don't know how to tell you this,
12:56but he's in love with someone else.
12:58Who? Marcia?
13:00Oh, not Sophie.
13:03Himself.
13:05I don't want to speak ill of the guy,
13:07but he's a money-grubbing egomaniac who's glued to his phone
13:11and doesn't give a hoot about you or anyone else.
13:14Well, it just so happens I don't care what you think.
13:17Monty St Ives is the love of my life,
13:19and I want the world to know it.
13:26I'm so glad we could catch a moment alone, Sophie.
13:34I'll work this out.
13:36Will you, Penelope?
13:38Penelope!
13:40We are pulling, we are pulling.
13:42Pull back.
13:44Don't be stupid, Daniel.
13:48Get him with the revenger.
13:58Excuse me.
14:00Some of us were wondering when we'd be doing the sunset tour.
14:04Can you keep it down? My uncle's trying to get his beauty sleep.
14:07What about the sunset tour?
14:09Look, my uncle's here for you 210%, all right?
14:12He's been giving and giving and giving non-stop.
14:15Look at him. He's exhausted.
14:17He'll tell us when the grub's on, will you?
14:19I knew we should have gone for the deluxe package.
14:22No good crying over spilt milk. Come on.
14:28That looks like...
14:31mad moss.
14:38HE SNORES
14:48The tourists are suffering,
14:51and their pain is my pain.
15:02Sophie, what would you wear
15:04if you were going to the junior stockbroker's pre-awards party?
15:08Oh, something incredibly elegant.
15:12What would you wear if you were going to the junior stockbroker's awards ceremony?
15:16Something terribly sophisto.
15:19And if you were going to the junior stockbroker awards after-party?
15:23Oh, something amazingly casual.
15:30Look at you!
15:33Monty survives.
15:35That chinless little...
15:37He thinks he can have all three of us.
15:40Well, maybe he can.
15:42What?
15:44We've had our differences, I know,
15:46but we're all friends, really, aren't we?
15:50Yes.
15:52And real friends share and share alike.
15:55Share what?
15:57Revenge.
15:59I know how to get Monty where it'll really hurt.
16:02I know, Huffy.
16:04Look, one more big profit deal like this,
16:06and we're going to have the contest in the bag.
16:08OK. Cheers. Bye.
16:10Oh, excuse us, Monty.
16:13Can't talk now. Only four hours' trading left to the contest.
16:16Please, we've got a problem with our savings.
16:19And we really need an expert's advice.
16:22Pretty please?
16:24Well, OK, but I can hardly spare a second.
16:26Time is money, you know.
16:31So what's this savings problem?
16:34We can't work out how to open our piggy banks.
16:38Well, my motto is seize the dough.
16:42Oh!
16:54I wonder who that could be.
17:01Howdy, partners.
17:03Cash Greenback's the name, International Financial Advisor.
17:07This here's my son, Buck.
17:09Howdy.
17:10We're in the doozy of a jam.
17:12I'm here to give one of my clients
17:14a little red-hot investment tip,
17:16but dag-nabbit, we got lost,
17:18and now my dang phone's up and busted,
17:20so looks like he's going to miss out.
17:23Dang.
17:25What tip did you say?
17:27Oh, yessiree.
17:32Heard me a whisper about a little company stock
17:35that's about to go higher than a skyrocket
17:37on the 4th of July.
17:39You all haven't got a phone we could use now, have you?
17:42Well, yes, but that is my...
17:44But, actually, it's broken.
17:46Shocking stroke of bad luck.
17:48Tell me, though, just out of pure interest,
17:51what is this little company's name?
17:53All investments stable.
17:55Stock prices holding.
17:57Congratulations...
17:59Hello, Humphrey. OK, listen to me.
18:01Sell everything.
18:03I want you to sink it into a company
18:06Von Meister. Yes.
18:08Excellent. Thank you.
18:10Liquidating asset.
18:12Auntie, you sly devil.
18:14This is exactly what you deserve.
18:16I didn't say that again.
18:18Stock rising.
18:21BIRDSONG
18:36Oh.
18:40Hey, comrade, where is everyone?
18:42They're gone.
18:44Gone?
18:46What do you mean, gone?
18:48What are you talking about?
18:50They can't have gone. They can't even cross a road
18:52without someone holding their hands.
18:54Well, the revenger took them all.
18:56There is no such thing.
19:09Look,
19:11I don't know what you think you're playing at,
19:16but you bring back my tourists right now.
19:21They won't be back.
19:25These tourists are taking a sunset tour of their own.
19:34Start the bus.
19:38To Encima!
19:46Woo-hoo!
19:49You can't do this.
19:51That bus is the property of Von Meister Tours.
19:54They'll be back when you've got dinner ready.
19:58Dinner?
20:04Stop the bus! Stop!
20:06Get back! Stop!
20:08Get out! Get out!
20:10Stop!
20:12Stop!
20:15Right on, Leather Avenger.
20:17Right on.
20:19There. I've sunk every penny I own into Von Meister Tours.
20:23Now I just sit back and wait till I'm rich.
20:25Get out of the way, Wobbly! Come here!
20:27Stop! Stop the bus!
20:29Von Meister Shared Purchase has finalised
20:32the initial performance indicators
20:35within acceptable limits.
20:37Right!
20:39Oh, dear. Who is that poor fool?
20:41And what sort of tinpot outfit is he running?
20:44That's Otto Von Meister, sole operator of Von Meister Tours.
20:49Von Meister?
20:51Oh, no.
20:53Warning, warning.
20:55Montgomery, we have a problem.
20:57Investments are stable.
20:59Hello. Humphrey, yes. Look, sell it all, OK?
21:02I don't care what price. Just sell. OK, bye.
21:05Investment prices are spiralling.
21:07Hold on, sir. We're going down.
21:10Monty, is that bad news?
21:12Price is crashing.
21:14It's far too complex for us girls.
21:17What is it, Robert?
21:19Hello, Robert.
21:21The paper is written on.
21:23It's stuck!
21:26I'm still going to be junior stockbroker of the year, Monty.
21:30I'm going to be the youngest bankrupt ever.
21:33Basically, sir, you're in deep fiscal doo-doo.
21:38Total wealth zero.
21:40Monty, you've lost your shirt.
21:43This is a nightmare!
21:45The red-hot tip was supposed to go off like a rocket!
21:48It still might, if you wish.
21:51Oh, heavens! What was that?
21:54I think it's what they call a stock-market boom!
22:02Oh, my God!
22:04Oh, my God!
22:06Oh, my God!
22:08Oh, my God!
22:10Oh, my God!
22:12Oh, my God!
22:14Oh, my God!
22:16Oh, my God!
22:19What's going on here?
22:23Who's going to clean up this mess?
22:27Doesn't somebody wish the old mussy had come back?
22:30Yes!
22:41Oh, my God!
22:45Mr Hartmeister, your socks have gone slithery.
22:49I have drunk from the rivers of wisdom,
22:53and now I just want a nice cup of tea.
22:58Oh, mossy, we missed you so much.
23:00We can't live without you.
23:02Where did you go? What did you do?
23:05I'd rather not say, my lady,
23:07but one thing I did learn,
23:09on the bumpy road of life,
23:11good suspension is very important.
23:18Left hand, red!
23:22Isn't this fun, friends?
23:24Who needs Montgomery St Ives?
23:26And not me.
23:27And not me.
23:29I'm just glad my plan to get rid of him worked.
23:32I think you mean my plan.
23:35Penelope, the stock-market was my idea.
23:38And who thought of the piggy banks?
23:41I beg your pardon. The whole idea was my concept.
23:44Penelope, it's so like you to try and take credit for this.
23:48Oh, yes, if you're going to be like that.
23:51Friends, they're so important and so annoying.
23:55One minute your partner's in revenge,
23:57the next you're at each other's throats.
23:59Personally, I blame Twister.
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