The Genie From Down Under (1998) (S2, Ep 9)

  • 2 months ago
Episode 9 of 13 of Series 2 (titled Stocks & Bondings). In this episode, Penelope wants a boyfriend and decides to get one without the help of the genies. However, he's not all he seems to be. Meanwhile, Mossop decides to leave to "find" herself, and becomes a leather clad biker!

Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Monica Maughan, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphreys, Petra Yared, Jacinta Stapleton and Simon Grey.
Transcript
00:00What do I need more than anything else in the whole world?
00:07A little brother called Bess?
00:08A stepfather called Bruce?
00:10Don't be ridiculous, what haven't I got?
00:15Good manners?
00:16No.
00:17A sense of humour?
00:18No.
00:19It's simple, isn't it?
00:20I need a boyfriend.
00:21Having a boyfriend is the second most important thing in the whole world.
00:27So what's the most important?
00:28Well, obviously, it's making sure your girlfriends see you've got a boyfriend.
00:32Ah.
00:33Finding a boyfriend for Penn.
00:36Hmm.
00:37I mean, this could be a tough one, son.
00:39No need to exhaust your tiny brain, Bruce.
00:41I know exactly who I want, and I'm perfectly capable of getting him myself.
00:46So, is this guy, like, all there?
00:49I'll have you know that Montgomery St. Ives not only has brains and good looks, he's also incredibly wealthy.
00:55I'm going to meet him this afternoon at Marcia and Sophie's badminton party, so there.
00:59I just need a boyfriend to accompany me.
01:02Why do you need a boyfriend if you're going after Monty?
01:05I don't want Monty to think I'm after him or that I can't get a boyfriend.
01:10Oh.
01:11Of course.
01:12What about me?
01:13I'm a boy, and I'm your friend.
01:15I can't go with a kindergarten reject.
01:17What would Marcia and Sophie think?
01:19I can grow.
01:20I wish you would.
01:25Mmm.
01:26Ah.
01:27Childhood.
01:28It goes so fast.
01:29One minute they're babies, and the next, poof.
01:35Really, Bubbles, that health seminar was a waste of time.
01:38How can people talk for eight hours about being decisive?
01:41Well, actually, I'm not quite sure.
01:44It could be a number of things.
01:46Then again, I think the self-help thing is so wonderful,
01:51I've been serving others.
01:53Where are you off to, darling?
01:55I feel as if I've disappeared.
01:57Sometimes I just wish I could get away and find myself.
02:00Well, I wish you could find yourself, too, Marcy.
02:03Now, I'm...
02:05Bruce?
02:12Yes!
02:13Yes!
02:22Was that a mossop?
02:23Mossop from England?
02:25Mm.
02:26Where?
02:27Back there.
02:28Back there?
02:29No.
02:31I've got to get myself some wheels.
02:36Er, anyway, as I was saying, I'm off to Marcia's.
02:39I need a cup of tea.
02:41Oh, yes.
02:42Marcy, could you...
02:45Oh, no.
02:46Do you know how to make tea?
02:49Er, if we could find her recipe, perhaps.
02:52Hmm.
03:03Do you think he could slow down to a comfortable speed?
03:08Hey, leg foot, can you slow it down?
03:11We're losing our internal organs back here.
03:13No can do, I'm afraid, darling.
03:15We've got to get these old coaches where they want to be on time
03:19to keep them happy, all right?
03:21You're just never satisfied, are you?
03:23We just have to go and rock the bus.
03:38Oh!
03:41Ah!
03:42Bravo.
03:44Well, I'm off to Santa Fe for the holidays.
03:48Oh, Thomas, that's so amazing.
03:50Yes, it's Mauritius for us.
03:52How incredible.
03:55Amazing.
03:58Incredible.
04:00Marcia, Sophie.
04:02So good to see you.
04:03Baz?
04:04So, um, this is Marcia Hadley.
04:06Hi.
04:07Have we met?
04:08Yeah, heaps of times.
04:09Most likely.
04:10No battle since he was this high.
04:12Go on.
04:13Hello.
04:14I'm Thomas.
04:15Well, that's lovely, I must say.
04:17He's suave, handsome, and obviously so mature.
04:20Anyone for Twister?
04:22What?
04:23I mean, grovel around the ground in a tangle of arms and legs?
04:28Fabulous.
04:29Grass?
04:30Girls?
04:33Er, we might take a rain check, right, Sophie?
04:37Come on, then, guys.
04:38Let's set up over here.
04:43Monty.
04:44Monty, it's so good to see you.
04:46Marcia.
04:47Sophie.
04:48Hello.
04:49Just fleeing from New York.
04:50Daddy's buying a few companies or something.
04:52Amazing.
04:53Incredible.
04:54Oh, hello.
04:55I'm Monty.
04:56Oh, hello.
04:57I...
04:58I...
04:59I...
05:00I...
05:01I...
05:02I...
05:03I...
05:04I'm sorry.
05:05I don't speak Italian.
05:06Oh!
05:07Oh!
05:08Oh!
05:09Oh!
05:10Oh, God.
05:11Oh.
05:12Hello?
05:13Hello?
05:14Oh.
05:15Oh, yes.
05:16Good price.
05:17I'll take 30,000 shares, Sophie.
05:18Bye.
05:19My name's Penelope Towns.
05:20I'm very...
05:21Is that Twister they've got there?
05:22Oh, yes.
05:23Ridiculous game.
05:24So, passe.
05:25I love Twister.
05:26Who wants to play?
05:27Oh, yes.
05:28How amazing.
05:29How incredible.
05:30How humiliating.
05:31Hello, Charlotte.
05:32How you doing, Bill?
05:33OK.
05:34Right, guys.
05:35All right, no more Miss Nice Person.
05:38I shan't rest until Monty St Ives is my boyfriend
05:41and that those so-called friends of mine are wallowing in the depths of misery.
05:45Bruce, I have a wish.
06:00Oh, Penelope, Sebastian dumped me.
06:04And dumped me. And Thomas me.
06:07Oh, really? How awful. You must be in misery.
06:11The depths.
06:13They said they were tired of watching us celebrate over Monty.
06:16We don't celebrate.
06:18No, it's more of a drool, isn't it?
06:21I must admit, though, Monty is quite mouth-watering.
06:24I can't wait till he gets here.
06:26Monty's coming here?
06:28Why?
06:30To see me.
06:32Amazing. Incredible.
06:35Unbelievable.
06:37Yes.
06:39I wish he was here right now.
06:46We can hear that footstep.
06:48If he says they're going to rise, then I want the piece of it.
06:51Monty!
06:53Oh, hello. I'll get back to you.
06:56What a surprise.
06:59I'm not actually quite sure why I popped in.
07:01I'm actually on my way to Australia.
07:03See, there's an international competition for junior stockbroker of the year.
07:06And I'm favourite to win.
07:08Australia? Really?
07:11Oh, Monty. I don't know whether you remember.
07:14Marcia, Sophie.
07:16Special treat to see you two again.
07:19Very well.
07:21That's not right.
07:23I want him to like me and think I'm special.
07:26I wish we were somewhere alone and that he'd shower me with adoration.
07:30No problem.
07:37I said adoration, not deportation.
07:40Where is he?
07:42Sophie, I can't see you.
07:45I think we're totally alone out here.
07:50Not completely alone.
07:54He might help us.
07:56I can't. Pigs might fly.
07:58Will you shut up?
08:00Pardon?
08:02Oh, a mirage. A talking mirage.
08:04I'll handle this.
08:18Oh, Marcy. What a triumph.
08:21Well, actually, it's a Harley Davidson.
08:28Twist it.
08:32Oh, here. Let me help you with that.
08:36Dog dotters. Hopeless.
08:38We'll never get this thing up.
08:40May I sit in there, Mr Stooges?
08:44Mr von Meister, we were wondering if you and Conrad might possibly give us a hand.
08:50Sorry, pal. No can do.
08:52Now, you paid for the no frills outback experience,
08:55and that's exactly what you're going to get.
08:57We're really grateful, but what are we supposed to do about putting these things up?
09:02Well, that's just how Otto is. He can never do enough for you.
09:05Say that again.
09:08Give me that.
09:11After you put your tents up, you can have all the frill and experience of making your own lunch.
09:18Thank you very much, sir.
09:20No worry.
09:21We won't trouble you again.
09:23Good.
09:24Come on.
09:25Nobody likes a whinger.
09:56Who was that masked rider?
09:58They call her Mad Moss.
10:03You know, you're very special, Penelope.
10:05You saved my life, conjured up a computer as if by magic.
10:08Really? It was nothing.
10:10Still, I'd like to do you a special favour in return.
10:13Invite you to a little party they're throwing before the junior stockbroker always.
10:17Oh, Monty, that's wonderful. I'm speechless. This is such a thrill.
10:21Don't say another word.
10:23I'm speechless. This is such a thrill.
10:25Don't say another word. Please, I need to get to work.
10:31Hello? Yes.
10:33Oh, yes, I'm back online.
10:35Well, we've obviously got a very special relationship.
10:38It's silent, but special.
10:41You think so, do you? So do I.
10:43I just wish Marcia and Sophie could see me with him.
10:46I thought you said you didn't want to see them anymore.
10:49But if you insist.
10:54What have we here?
10:56I found them wandering in the bush,
10:59talking about Wiltshire and shopping.
11:02Really?
11:04Is this the Wiltshire boutique?
11:06Now, you take care, girls. Drink lots of water.
11:09And don't forget to buy a ticket.
11:11Thank you very much.
11:13Thank you.
11:15Thank you.
11:17Thank you.
11:19Thank you.
11:21Drink lots of water.
11:23And don't forget to brush your teeth.
11:25Thank you, madmouse.
11:34Tokyo Stock Market closes in five minutes, Montgomery.
11:38He's working towards the stock-breaking competition.
11:41Amazing. Incredible.
11:44Oh, hello there.
11:46Come to watch the wheels of finance in motion, have we?
11:50Come on.
11:53Now, it might be a bit complex for you girls,
11:56but just watch my total wealth rise.
12:02You know, stock-breaking requires total concentration,
12:06which is kind of hard with this light.
12:09Do you have a lamp?
12:11Oh, of course, Monty.
12:14Oh, Sophie, be a dear and check if my Wall Street journals
12:17arrive to the mail, won't you?
12:19Oh, my pleasure, Monty.
12:21Thank you.
12:27Oh, Marcia, I'm so glad I could catch a moment alone.
12:30You see, I've got this little party coming up,
12:32and I was wondering if you might...
12:37Penelope, I think we need to talk about Monty.
12:42Isn't he just the most fascinating person?
12:45Fascinating wasn't exactly the word that sprang to mind.
12:48How about boring, vain, arrogant?
12:52Yes, they're all good.
12:54Darling, I don't know how to tell you this,
12:56but he's in love with someone else.
12:58Who? Marcia?
13:00Oh, not Sophie.
13:03Himself.
13:05I don't want to speak ill of the guy,
13:07but he's a money-grubbing egomaniac who's glued to his phone
13:11and doesn't give a hoot about you or anyone else.
13:14Well, it just so happens I don't care what you think.
13:17Monty St Ives is the love of my life,
13:19and I want the world to know it.
13:26I'm so glad we could catch a moment alone, Sophie.
13:34I'll work this out.
13:36Will you, Penelope?
13:38Penelope!
13:40We are pulling, we are pulling.
13:42Pull back.
13:44Don't be stupid, Daniel.
13:48Get him with the revenger.
13:58Excuse me.
14:00Some of us were wondering when we'd be doing the sunset tour.
14:04Can you keep it down? My uncle's trying to get his beauty sleep.
14:07What about the sunset tour?
14:09Look, my uncle's here for you 210%, all right?
14:12He's been giving and giving and giving non-stop.
14:15Look at him. He's exhausted.
14:17He'll tell us when the grub's on, will you?
14:19I knew we should have gone for the deluxe package.
14:22No good crying over spilt milk. Come on.
14:28That looks like...
14:31mad moss.
14:38HE SNORES
14:48The tourists are suffering,
14:51and their pain is my pain.
15:02Sophie, what would you wear
15:04if you were going to the junior stockbroker's pre-awards party?
15:08Oh, something incredibly elegant.
15:12What would you wear if you were going to the junior stockbroker's awards ceremony?
15:16Something terribly sophisto.
15:19And if you were going to the junior stockbroker awards after-party?
15:23Oh, something amazingly casual.
15:30Look at you!
15:33Monty survives.
15:35That chinless little...
15:37He thinks he can have all three of us.
15:40Well, maybe he can.
15:42What?
15:44We've had our differences, I know,
15:46but we're all friends, really, aren't we?
15:50Yes.
15:52And real friends share and share alike.
15:55Share what?
15:57Revenge.
15:59I know how to get Monty where it'll really hurt.
16:02I know, Huffy.
16:04Look, one more big profit deal like this,
16:06and we're going to have the contest in the bag.
16:08OK. Cheers. Bye.
16:10Oh, excuse us, Monty.
16:13Can't talk now. Only four hours' trading left to the contest.
16:16Please, we've got a problem with our savings.
16:19And we really need an expert's advice.
16:22Pretty please?
16:24Well, OK, but I can hardly spare a second.
16:26Time is money, you know.
16:31So what's this savings problem?
16:34We can't work out how to open our piggy banks.
16:38Well, my motto is seize the dough.
16:42Oh!
16:54I wonder who that could be.
17:01Howdy, partners.
17:03Cash Greenback's the name, International Financial Advisor.
17:07This here's my son, Buck.
17:09Howdy.
17:10We're in the doozy of a jam.
17:12I'm here to give one of my clients
17:14a little red-hot investment tip,
17:16but dag-nabbit, we got lost,
17:18and now my dang phone's up and busted,
17:20so looks like he's going to miss out.
17:23Dang.
17:25What tip did you say?
17:27Oh, yessiree.
17:32Heard me a whisper about a little company stock
17:35that's about to go higher than a skyrocket
17:37on the 4th of July.
17:39You all haven't got a phone we could use now, have you?
17:42Well, yes, but that is my...
17:44But, actually, it's broken.
17:46Shocking stroke of bad luck.
17:48Tell me, though, just out of pure interest,
17:51what is this little company's name?
17:53All investments stable.
17:55Stock prices holding.
17:57Congratulations...
17:59Hello, Humphrey. OK, listen to me.
18:01Sell everything.
18:03I want you to sink it into a company
18:06Von Meister. Yes.
18:08Excellent. Thank you.
18:10Liquidating asset.
18:12Auntie, you sly devil.
18:14This is exactly what you deserve.
18:16I didn't say that again.
18:18Stock rising.
18:21BIRDSONG
18:36Oh.
18:40Hey, comrade, where is everyone?
18:42They're gone.
18:44Gone?
18:46What do you mean, gone?
18:48What are you talking about?
18:50They can't have gone. They can't even cross a road
18:52without someone holding their hands.
18:54Well, the revenger took them all.
18:56There is no such thing.
19:09Look,
19:11I don't know what you think you're playing at,
19:16but you bring back my tourists right now.
19:21They won't be back.
19:25These tourists are taking a sunset tour of their own.
19:34Start the bus.
19:38To Encima!
19:46Woo-hoo!
19:49You can't do this.
19:51That bus is the property of Von Meister Tours.
19:54They'll be back when you've got dinner ready.
19:58Dinner?
20:04Stop the bus! Stop!
20:06Get back! Stop!
20:08Get out! Get out!
20:10Stop!
20:12Stop!
20:15Right on, Leather Avenger.
20:17Right on.
20:19There. I've sunk every penny I own into Von Meister Tours.
20:23Now I just sit back and wait till I'm rich.
20:25Get out of the way, Wobbly! Come here!
20:27Stop! Stop the bus!
20:29Von Meister Shared Purchase has finalised
20:32the initial performance indicators
20:35within acceptable limits.
20:37Right!
20:39Oh, dear. Who is that poor fool?
20:41And what sort of tinpot outfit is he running?
20:44That's Otto Von Meister, sole operator of Von Meister Tours.
20:49Von Meister?
20:51Oh, no.
20:53Warning, warning.
20:55Montgomery, we have a problem.
20:57Investments are stable.
20:59Hello. Humphrey, yes. Look, sell it all, OK?
21:02I don't care what price. Just sell. OK, bye.
21:05Investment prices are spiralling.
21:07Hold on, sir. We're going down.
21:10Monty, is that bad news?
21:12Price is crashing.
21:14It's far too complex for us girls.
21:17What is it, Robert?
21:19Hello, Robert.
21:21The paper is written on.
21:23It's stuck!
21:26I'm still going to be junior stockbroker of the year, Monty.
21:30I'm going to be the youngest bankrupt ever.
21:33Basically, sir, you're in deep fiscal doo-doo.
21:38Total wealth zero.
21:40Monty, you've lost your shirt.
21:43This is a nightmare!
21:45The red-hot tip was supposed to go off like a rocket!
21:48It still might, if you wish.
21:51Oh, heavens! What was that?
21:54I think it's what they call a stock-market boom!
22:02Oh, my God!
22:04Oh, my God!
22:06Oh, my God!
22:08Oh, my God!
22:10Oh, my God!
22:12Oh, my God!
22:14Oh, my God!
22:16Oh, my God!
22:19What's going on here?
22:23Who's going to clean up this mess?
22:27Doesn't somebody wish the old mussy had come back?
22:30Yes!
22:41Oh, my God!
22:45Mr Hartmeister, your socks have gone slithery.
22:49I have drunk from the rivers of wisdom,
22:53and now I just want a nice cup of tea.
22:58Oh, mossy, we missed you so much.
23:00We can't live without you.
23:02Where did you go? What did you do?
23:05I'd rather not say, my lady,
23:07but one thing I did learn,
23:09on the bumpy road of life,
23:11good suspension is very important.
23:18Left hand, red!
23:22Isn't this fun, friends?
23:24Who needs Montgomery St Ives?
23:26And not me.
23:27And not me.
23:29I'm just glad my plan to get rid of him worked.
23:32I think you mean my plan.
23:35Penelope, the stock-market was my idea.
23:38And who thought of the piggy banks?
23:41I beg your pardon. The whole idea was my concept.
23:44Penelope, it's so like you to try and take credit for this.
23:48Oh, yes, if you're going to be like that.
23:51Friends, they're so important and so annoying.
23:55One minute your partner's in revenge,
23:57the next you're at each other's throats.
23:59Personally, I blame Twister.
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