Episode 12 of 13 of the 2nd and last series of the Australian kids TV series (titled Otto Rules, OK?). In this episode, Otto finds himself King of England after getting the opal and throws Diana, Mossop and Darlene in jail. Faced with this threat, Penelope and the genies find themselves in the unlikely coalition with Bubbles, who forms the Merry Chaps in Green group to try and overthrow Otto.
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys, Monica Maughan, Bobbi Henry and Ian McFadyen.
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys, Monica Maughan, Bobbi Henry and Ian McFadyen.
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TVTranscript
00:00It's snowing. Minus three outside. Perfect reasons to wish up a coat like this.
00:08Purely functional, of course. An absolute essential during the English winter.
00:13Of course, Mummy doesn't prove. She's gone all environmentalist.
00:17You mean she doesn't think animals should die just so you can look good?
00:20Well, look, I'm all for save the forest, recycle the whales and keep the ozone layer in the ground,
00:27but I think Mummy's taking it a bit far when she attends public meetings, signs petitions and becomes a revolution queen.
00:34Darling, here she comes.
00:36Oh, um, I wish I was wearing something vegetarian.
00:40Darling, we're...
00:45We're off to Australia!
00:47Yes!
00:48No!
00:50Ah!
00:54Otter, an environmentalist!
00:57Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering the old British nuclear testing site.
01:03No!
01:05I know, I know. It is vile and disgusting.
01:09And being as I'm committed to all things enviro and mental, I say we check out the site and get the Pommy government to clean it up.
01:19Come on, please, there's nothing.
01:21I'm only doing what any other deeply committed eco-warrior would do.
01:26Hey, Pen, don't you wish your mum had something to cool herself off with?
01:30Oh, yes, please. I suppose so.
01:37What have we got here?
01:39Oh, thank you, Bruce.
01:44Oh, wow.
01:47Got one.
01:48Nice and round, eh?
01:50Honestly, I don't know why you protesters are always complaining.
01:53I think the effects of radiation have been blown up out of all proportions.
01:57So, um, what do you make of that, Pen?
02:02OK, so it's glowing a little. At least we won't run over it in the dark.
02:08Here at Ground Zero, Conrad and I will be testing for radiation with these delicate, sensitive thingies.
02:18These are delicate, sensitive pieces of equipment, so don't breathe too heavily.
02:24And if we find any contamination, ooh, I'm going to be so mad.
02:31So I'll lead the way. Darlene will follow. Come on this way.
02:36Hey, Pen.
02:37Ooh, Conrad, that looks like a very expensive machine.
02:41Sure is, Michael. I don't spend no expense on this.
02:44That's why I've got to be, like, really careful.
02:46Oh, sorry about that. I was on such a butterfingers. I apologise.
02:50Is it this one? Is it this one?
02:52If it wasn't, I'll roll the other way, you know.
02:54Is it this one? I'll roll the other way.
02:56I really mean it. I am sorry.
02:58Because, you know, there's been so many errors, and I apologise for doing that.
03:01I really am sorry.
03:03All right, all right.
03:14Oh, my opal.
03:17You little beauty. The Fondmeister opal.
03:20It was stolen from us, and now, finally, I stole it back.
03:25Hey, how green can you get? I'm recycling opals.
03:32I didn't steal it. I found it.
03:34He found it. I found it fair and square. It's mine.
03:36No, it's his.
03:37You've rubbed the opal in your hand, you're every wish is my command.
03:39What?
03:41You've rubbed the opal in your hand, you're every wish is my command.
03:44I wish you'd speak up more clearly.
03:46Uh-oh. He's on to us, Dad.
03:51You've rubbed the opal in your hand, you're every wish is my command.
03:55Are you on to him yet?
03:56Not quite. I wish he'd be clearer still.
04:03Oh.
04:11Sorry, Pen. It's a new master.
04:15Master Fondmeister.
04:18Catchy, isn't it, eh?
04:22So, um, what are you going to do now?
04:25Oh, I wish I knew.
04:29I wish I knew.
04:34I know. I wish you'd rack off back to England.
04:38Top thinking, mate.
04:41Well, she deserves it. She's got it coming.
04:43England is such a cold, wet, miserable, snobby dump of a place.
04:49I tell you what, if I was king of England, I'd make some changes quick smart, let me tell you.
04:55Huh?
04:57Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
05:01This is all your fault, Mummy.
05:03If you hadn't been such a radical, I wouldn't have lost my opal.
05:06I don't know why you can't just leave things as they are.
05:11And now we're crossing live to Buckingham Palace
05:14for a royal decree from our new monarch, King Otto I.
05:20G'day, loyal subjects.
05:22Listen, since I cottoned on to this ruling caper,
05:25I've been checking out my domain, and I'm here to tell you things are crook.
05:29But don't panic, not to worry.
05:31I'll be making a few changes and fixing things up.
05:34For starters, Big Ben goes digital.
05:38Otto, you thug!
05:40Easy to read, isn't it? And it's got a smooth setting.
05:44Now, Tower Bridge.
05:46I'm going to take the cake for sheer ugliness.
05:49Well, don't worry, I'm going to fix it.
05:51I'm going to make it look the way a bridge ought to look.
05:53I'm going to turn an eyesore into an icon.
05:56Sorry to barge in.
05:58I've just come to tell you that some of the chaps and I
06:00have formed a secret resistance movement support group
06:03based in Sherwood Falls.
06:05Now, Nelson's column becomes Otto's column.
06:09Oh, this is Britain's darkest hour.
06:12We must revolt against this tyrant.
06:14I'll be with the many chaps in green, in the forest,
06:17in a top-secret location where they will never find us.
06:21If you want to contact me, you can call on my mobile,
06:23my pager and my email.
06:27I have to get my opal back.
06:28I've decided to give Buckhouse the flick
06:30and move my suit up out of the country.
06:33I hope he doesn't mean...
06:44Oh!
07:04G'day, Donny.
07:05Great news.
07:06The royal family is moving in.
07:09No need to thank me.
07:10I know it's a great honour for you.
07:12I'm not sure I want you to move in.
07:15Exactly.
07:16You can't just barge in.
07:17I haven't changed the sheets.
07:19I wish you'd change your attitude.
07:24Please, do come in.
07:28Dirty sheets shouldn't be a problem...
07:30for you.
07:33I know what you think about protests,
07:35but I'm going to have to do something about this.
07:37Hey!
07:39Careful!
07:40Sorry.
07:41Now, Donny...
07:43I want to have a word with you.
07:49I wish they'd all do as I asked.
07:55Come on.
07:56Try and get words from Eric Jackson Green.
07:58He's a bit lucky, actually.
08:00Darling, you're our only hope.
08:02Coming, Your Highness.
08:04Right. Now, for starters...
08:07I've got big plans.
08:08I want to see all sorts of improvements.
08:12Start with...
08:31Bubbles?
08:36Bubbles?
08:38Penelope?
08:40Penelope!
08:44How did you find our secret hideout?
08:46I just followed my nose.
08:48I told you not to use so much garlic!
08:52One of my best men.
08:54Friar Tuck.
08:55Hello.
08:56And that's our little John.
08:59And that's our big John coming out of our little John.
09:02And this is England's only hope?
09:04Yeah.
09:05We're a keen, green, merry machine.
09:07Come and see the nerve centre.
09:11At ease, everybody.
09:14Twy not bestare.
09:16Fate hath dealt her rather a cruel blow.
09:19Pretend you don't notice.
09:21Mrs Simpson, this is Penelope Towns.
09:25Hello.
09:31Once I was proud of my good looks and healthy glow.
09:35But then Otto the Horrible came to power and my life was in ruins.
09:40I'm shunned wherever I go.
09:42Oh, how cruel.
09:44That's why I volunteered to join the merry chaps in green.
09:47How bold.
09:49I've told Commander Bubbles that I'd volunteer for any mission,
09:54risk any peril, resist any torture.
09:58How...
10:00excessive.
10:02Just so long as we can rid the world of Otto the Repulsive.
10:06Otto the Horrible.
10:08Whatever.
10:09Don't worry, Mrs Simpson. You'll get your chance.
10:12I'm so, so sorry, Commander.
10:15Bubbles, you have to help us.
10:17King Otto has taken over Towns Hall.
10:19If I can get the Oval back, I think...
10:21This calls for drastic action.
10:23What are you going to do?
10:24We'll hit him with everything we've got.
10:26First of all, we'll form a committee.
10:28And they will formulate the critical path.
10:30Then we'll divide into subcommittees,
10:32and they will produce the necessary feasibility statements.
10:34And then we'll hit him with our big guns.
10:36An armed attack.
10:37Better still, we'll send in the lawyers.
10:41Perhaps we should save that as a last resort.
10:44I see what I can do from the inside.
10:46Inside?
10:48Good thinking, Penelope.
10:49You could be a kind of undercover chap.
10:52All right, if you need help, call us on the chat slide.
10:55And I promise we'll be right there with the first available operator.
10:58Good luck.
10:59Thank you, Bubbles.
11:03If only I had more chaps like her.
11:20Hey, Mossy, what are you doing?
11:22We're in charge of the boss.
11:24Otto wants it cleaned up.
11:26Otto wants it cleaned up and open to the public as a national treasure.
11:30Why don't you run away and join Bubbles in the forest?
11:33Look, we've thought about it,
11:35but it was Otto's wish that we stay with Unimog.
11:39What a monster.
11:49It's much better indoors. You don't get wet.
11:53No, no, no, no, no, no, listen.
11:55What about them shears, eh?
12:00What?
12:01Now you listen to me, pal.
12:03A quick go of the shears is a little furler of a national anthem.
12:06Yeah?
12:07Well, I wish you'd just shut up and leave me alone.
12:11I wish they'd all just shut up and stop whinging.
12:13Stop whinging!
12:20I am King Otto the Bute,
12:22but I'm only yeoman.
12:24I give and I give,
12:26but they are never satisfied.
12:29What I need is someone to share the load.
12:32Prince Conrad at your service?
12:34Yeah, thanks, mate,
12:36but what I need is a wife.
12:39That wouldn't be part of the service.
12:42Hello?
12:47Mary Chapsing Queen, how can I be of assistance?
12:50Are you sure Mrs Simpson can be trusted?
12:52Of course.
12:53She may be Australian, but she's old chap through and through.
12:56Good. I've got a plan.
12:58Great. I'll put her before the plans committee
13:00and we'll do a feasibility study.
13:02No time for that, Bubbles.
13:05Penelope, it's you.
13:07Oh.
13:09Hello?
13:10Mrs Simpson?
13:11Yes?
13:12I have a mission for you.
13:14It's very, very dangerous,
13:15but if it succeeds, we might just get rid of Otto.
13:18I'll do it.
13:19Are you sure? It's virtually a suicide mission.
13:22There's a chance you may not be coming back.
13:26I'm ready.
13:30Bruce, you know what I need?
13:33Yeah, but I better not say.
13:36What I need is a missus.
13:39Someone to love and understand me.
13:42I mean, is that axiom too much?
13:44Probably.
13:45Huh?
13:46I know someone who'd make a perfect wife for you, King Otto.
13:49Of course.
13:51I know who you mean.
13:53Ha, ha, ha.
13:55Deity.
13:56Yeah, we're made for each other.
13:58No, I wasn't...
13:59I wish Deity was here right now.
14:01Ha, ha, ha.
14:06Da dee dee da dee.
14:08Otto, I really must protest.
14:10This is your lucky day.
14:12I have chosen you
14:15to be my queen.
14:19How do you feel about getting hitched?
14:21I'd rather swallow camel droppings than marry you.
14:26I'd rather be squashed to death
14:28by a boa constrictor with bad breath.
14:31You can't say no to the king.
14:33Brucie, I can feel a wish coming on.
14:39Well, you could do that on her,
14:42but wouldn't you rather a queen who truly loved you for who you are?
14:46That'd be one sad woman.
14:48Yeah, she wouldn't have a sense of smell either.
14:50King Otto is not happy.
14:53Right, chuck her in the dungeon
14:56till she learns to love me.
14:58And get rid of them stirrers.
15:00Chuck them in the dungeon too.
15:02That's my wish.
15:03That's my wish.
15:14Oh, well.
15:16Mustn't grumble.
15:18I know the perfect woman for you, Your Highness,
15:20and she's not my mother.
15:22Yeah, yeah.
15:25You're all right, then.
15:26I wish I could make this perfect woman.
15:33Hmm.
15:46Oh.
15:48Oh.
15:50How do you do, Your Highness?
15:54Oh, you are so gorgeous.
15:58Oh.
16:04Oh, you look so familiar.
16:08Well, this is love at first sight.
16:12You want to become my queen.
16:15What do you reckon?
16:17I'll give it a go.
16:19Ah, grouse.
16:22What's your name?
16:24My name's Wallace,
16:26but my friends call me Wall.
16:28From now on,
16:30you're going to be my little Wally.
16:33Is that what they call true love?
16:35Not the way I imagined it.
16:37It kind of makes you feel sick, doesn't it?
16:47Thank you for calling the Mary Chapman Green.
16:50For new memberships, press one.
16:52To purchase from our range of green underwear
16:54and memorabilia, press four.
16:56I need you now.
17:03For top-secret attack group inquiries, press five.
17:13Guilty.
17:15Hello.
17:17Attack, Bubbles. I repeat, attack.
17:19What's your fidelity?
17:21Confirm. Attack, go.
17:24Okay, chaps, this is it.
17:29Now is the time for all good chaps
17:31to come to the aid of the country.
17:37I could give you the moon and the stars,
17:42but they would pile to insignificance
17:45next to your beauty.
17:47Healthy ho!
17:49Aha!
17:51What do you want, you little twerp?
17:53I'm sorry to say that you and your lady love
17:56can never be married.
17:58A British monarch cannot marry
18:00a divorcee from Australia.
18:03I'm sorry, sweetheart.
18:05I just didn't know how to tell you.
18:07Look, you're married.
18:14You could always abdicate.
18:17What? What?
18:19She means resign.
18:21Oh, come off it.
18:23As if he's going to give up being king for that.
18:25I don't know, Conrad.
18:27I...
18:29I feel really strongly about my little Wally.
18:32Oh, and I feel very strongly about you too, Otter.
18:36The Lord is very clear on this point.
18:38He has no choice.
18:40It's in the Constitution, section 336, paragraph 85...
18:43I wish all them twerps was in the dance, or possibly be.
18:47There.
18:49There, Wally.
18:51Muscle crumble.
18:53Oh, what a choice to have to make, my kingdom,
18:55or the woman I love.
18:57Do you mean you'd give it all up for me?
19:00I've never had to make a decision like this before.
19:03Of course, I've never been in love like this before.
19:05Mate, you know, she's just a chick.
19:07Conrad, she's not just a chick.
19:10She's a woman. She's all woman.
19:12Uncle, she's like two women.
19:14Oh, this is so difficult.
19:16Oh, what's the matter with you? The answer's obvious.
19:19What is it?
19:31Oh, I knew this wouldn't work.
19:33There's only one way to beat a tyrant.
19:36The way the English have always defeated tyrants.
19:39With action.
19:41With strength.
19:43Typical English pluck and spirit.
19:48An Englishman will never be a slave.
19:50Not as long as we can fight to the last breath.
19:54Bruce, the dungeon is too good for this twerp.
19:57What's the name of them things you put your hands in and your head in?
20:00That little bit comes down clunk and you look like a real dork.
20:03Uh, stocks, mate.
20:05Yeah. That's what I wish for snooty little Bonopoly here.
20:08Stock her up a tree just over there.
20:14You can humiliate me, but you'll never break my spirit.
20:18You know, Bruce, I wish I had a tomato.
20:25Let's see. Humiliation.
20:27I can do that.
20:29There you go. I'm a natural.
20:34I reckon I've come up with a new national pastime, eh?
20:37You'll pay for this, you unspeakable vermin.
20:41That's king unspeakable vermin to you, Your Majesty.
20:46But enough fun.
20:48I've made my mind up.
20:50I'm gonna... I'm gonna chuck it in.
20:53For love.
20:56Can I have a tomato first, though?
20:58Huh?
20:59Well, I mean, if that's your decision, Otto,
21:01then you could wish that you were already married.
21:04Spot on for thinking, Brucey.
21:12It was the most beautiful ceremony.
21:17I just wanted it to be real.
21:19Real special.
21:21Just a wonderful memory.
21:23You know, Otto, we haven't even kissed yet.
21:27Oh, no! She actually likes him! She's turned!
21:31Well, you just pack her up, my little chicken dumpling.
21:42Mrs Simpson! Remember your dignity!
21:45What about self-respect?
21:47What about Otto's breath?
21:49And that's the bravest woman I've ever seen.
22:01Oh, no!
22:03You all right?
22:05Looking for this?
22:08Back off.
22:10Penelope, catch.
22:15At last.
22:17Bruce, we've got work to do.
22:19So, reign of Otto the Horrible is over.
22:21Yay!
22:23Oh, we've come to free you.
22:25What you're doing, Sue, is getting rather close in here.
22:28Yes. Some of us are beginning to grumble just a little bit.
22:32I wish we were back to where this all started.
22:36Hey, Pen.
22:38Ooh, Conrad. That looks like a very expensive machine.
22:42Sure is, Pen. Uncle Otto spared no expense,
22:44but, you know, I've got to be very careful...
22:46Oh, sorry! Sorry about that.
22:48I'm on such a bow of fingers, I apologise.
22:50I really mean it. I am sorry.
22:52It's, you know, it's a comedy era...
22:57Um, yeah.
22:59Sorry.
23:01This is yours, I believe.
23:03This is yours, I believe.
23:05Ooh! Oh, thank you.
23:07You interfering... What are you playing at?
23:09Something's wrong.
23:13I told you this was a stupid idea. It was never going to work.
23:16It was your idea.
23:30As I'm always saying, people can make a difference.
23:32It doesn't matter whether you're big, small or even look like Otto.
23:36Of course it helps if you have a magic opal.
23:39That really can be revolutionary.