Episode 10 of 13 of Series 1 from 1996 (titled A Tale of Two Cities). In this episode, Conrad has finally worked out that Bruce and Baz are actually genies from the opal, so sets about working on the young Baz in order to steal the opal.
Stars Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Glenn Meldrum, Rhys Muldoon, Fletcher Humphrys, Mark Mitchell and Kylie Belling.
Stars Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Glenn Meldrum, Rhys Muldoon, Fletcher Humphrys, Mark Mitchell and Kylie Belling.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I've served a lot of masters throughout history, now I want to go back home where I can be
00:12free.
00:13Then you come along with the opal in your hand, now your every wish is my command.
00:21That's right.
00:23Genie, genie, from down under, make my wish come true, dream on.
00:32Genie, genie, from down under, I wish you'd do what I want you to, ah yeah, alright then.
00:40Genie from down under.
00:43Hey, we're free!
00:48Grown-ups are really annoying.
00:50They're supposedly older and wiser, and yet they just don't understand our generation
00:54at all.
00:55Dad, can't you give him some hay?
00:57Take Bruce, 5,000 years old and he knows absolutely nothing about how mature we 13-year-olds are.
01:04Bruce!
01:05I want you to saddle up jumpy for me, so listen very carefully.
01:10I'm all ears.
01:11I wish you were.
01:12Good one, Dad!
01:13Great!
01:14Really great!
01:16Good one, Dad!
01:17Great!
01:18Really great!
01:21I suppose you think that's hysterically funny.
01:24Thank you, Baz.
01:26Hey, little jumpy.
01:29Hello, Penelope.
01:30I wish you'd grow up.
01:37That's not funny.
01:38I'm not playing around, Bruce.
01:40Stop being immature.
01:42Oh, I wish everything was normal again and I was with Mummy.
01:46Listen, Uncle, I've walked around this place 50 times or more, and I'm here to tell you
01:49there is no sign of them anywhere.
01:51They are gone!
01:55Normal?
01:56This is normal?
01:58Well, it is to us.
01:59Right, son?
02:00Yeah, right, Genie.
02:01Be quiet, Baz.
02:02I don't know how you ever passed genie school.
02:05Genie school?
02:06I've never been to genie school.
02:08Have we, Dad?
02:09See this?
02:10This means I'm your master.
02:12You are supposed to do what I say, and if you don't, I'll...
02:15Well, I'll just have to teach you a lesson.
02:17You won't...
02:18I can hear your voice inside the house.
02:21I told you before, you mustn't speak to people like that.
02:24I want you to apologise immediately.
02:26And stop fidgeting with that opal.
02:28You don't deserve nice things like this.
02:31I'm sorry for being rude.
02:34Can I have the opal back now?
02:36No.
02:37And that was a pathetic apology.
02:39Okay, I, uh...
02:40I accept the apology.
02:42That's very kind of you, Baz.
02:44Why don't you run along now, Penelope?
02:46Perhaps you might help Mossy in the kitchen.
02:51I'm your master. I'll do the honours.
02:53Yeah, yeah, okay, son.
02:54Look, why don't you go and give Pen a hand?
02:55But Pen's giving Mossy a hand.
02:57Yeah, I know. Go on, come on.
02:58Be a good boy.
03:10Baz, we have to do something about your father and my mother.
03:14Isn't there some kind of magic you could use to get him away from her?
03:17How far away?
03:19Oh, not very far.
03:21I'm sure if you sent him to the moon, that'd do the trick.
03:24Oh, come on, Baz.
03:25You're my favourite little genie.
03:27Won't you just give me one wink?
03:28He's not our master anymore.
03:30Perhaps you could give me a freebie.
03:32A freebie?
03:33Yes, a freebie.
03:34A freebie?
03:35Yes, a freebie.
03:36He's not our master anymore.
03:38Perhaps you could give me a freebie.
03:39Against the rules.
03:41Oh, come on.
03:47Left, left, right, left, left, left.
03:52What are you, Spring Hill Jack?
03:56But all we had for dinner was a sandwich.
03:58Lucky you got that, mate.
04:00We're supposed to be recreating your experiences with the army.
04:03Did you get five-star catering in World War II?
04:05Oh, no.
04:06Well, there you go.
04:08Total authenticity.
04:10Now, shut up and get back to your tent.
04:13Ho, sir.
04:15I like the bloke.
04:16He reminds me of my old sergeant.
04:20Listen, Uncle, it's about the opal.
04:22What's it?
04:23Well, the opal, what about it?
04:25It's magic.
04:26Bruce and Baz are genies.
04:27Did something hit you in the head?
04:29They appeared out of nowhere.
04:30Oh, yeah.
04:32Hey, go and get me a bugle.
04:34Make a bugle appear out of nowhere.
04:36I need one to wake these yobbos up in the morning.
04:38Go on.
04:39They're genies, I'm telling you.
04:40Shut up about that, will you?
04:41Do what I ask.
04:42At least I won't fall asleep on the job.
04:44Go on.
04:46I've apologized for Penelope so many times.
04:50She is only 13.
04:54So, uh, anyway, it's a beautiful sunset.
05:00Not quite.
05:03I wish it really was beautiful.
05:17It'll be a lovely day tomorrow.
05:18Maybe I could show you some of the sights.
05:24Do you think Diana will let us stay in Australia?
05:27We're working on it, son, working on it.
05:29Where are we going?
05:30Well, do you think you could just amuse yourself today?
05:35Sure, we can go...
05:36No, I mean amuse yourself, like, on your own.
05:39Don't you want me around anymore?
05:41Of course I do.
05:43Look, I'll see you later, okay?
05:48G'day, mate, how's it going?
05:50Who, me?
05:51Yeah, how's it going, little buddy?
05:53What do you want?
05:55I just thought we might be interested in having a bit of fun for a change.
05:58You're sure good, mate?
06:00Oh, mate, you're me good mate.
06:02Oh.
06:03Well?
06:05What sort of fun?
06:09Mummy, please can I have the oak back now?
06:11See, I said please, polite, aren't I?
06:15I'm holding on to it, Penelope.
06:17Why? I've been really good.
06:19I don't think you've learned your lesson yet.
06:21I'm off.
06:22Where are you going?
06:23I'm riding with Bruce.
06:25Mummy, wait!
06:29Do you wish you'd be quiet, Penelope?
06:35If we're going to a town's rock, as you suggested,
06:37I suppose you wish we had some horses.
06:39Of course not, Bruce.
06:42No need for horses when we have these.
06:46I happened to find them earlier and thought they would be most amusing.
06:53Woo!
06:59Tally-ho!
07:02Woo-hoo!
07:05Oi, slow down! Wait for me!
07:14Never travelled on a train before.
07:16Oh, yeah? How did you used to travel?
07:18In the air.
07:19What, by plane?
07:20No, on a carpet.
07:23Wait.
07:25Hey, comrade, move away!
07:28Whoa.
07:29They might be genies.
07:31Don't be silly.
07:33I reckon you're a bit of a genie.
07:35Who told you?
07:37You pick these things up here and there.
07:39So is the opal magic or what?
07:42Hey, mate. Mate!
07:43What?
07:44Woo!
07:46Woo-hoo!
07:47Are you sure you haven't done this before?
07:50No!
07:51Never!
07:52Gratefully stimulating, isn't it?
07:55Nothing beats the great outdoors!
07:58Push! Push!
08:01We shouldn't be doing this. We've paid for a holiday.
08:04You paid to recreate your Second World War experiences.
08:07I should be charging you extra for this.
08:09Now push! Push!
08:13Hey, Zoe!
08:14Zoe!
08:15Zoddy!
08:17How are you?
08:18How's the charming daughter of yours?
08:20And a beautiful opal.
08:22Mr. Vonmeister.
08:23It's really not your concern how my daughter is.
08:26I do wish you'd just mind your own business.
08:28Thank you and good day.
08:33Hey, what's going on?
08:35What are you doing?
08:36Get away from there!
08:38Go on, get back!
08:39You'll strain yourself. Now, I'll do that.
08:42I'll be right back.
08:43But you told us to.
08:44All planned.
08:45This is my business, I'll look after it.
08:47Pish, get in the driver's seat!
08:49Okay, Otto.
08:50You ready? On three we'll go.
08:52All right.
08:53One.
08:55Two.
08:56Three!
09:03Okay, okay, that's good.
09:06That's good.
09:07Stop now.
09:08That's good, Trish.
09:10Stop now, Trish.
09:11Stop, Trish, stop!
09:13Stop, Trish!
09:16Wow!
09:19What do you reckon?
09:45That was great, Conrad, wasn't it?
09:48Cool, hey.
09:53So, let me get this straight.
09:55If I had the Opel, you'd have to do everything I'd say, right?
09:59Well, look!
10:07Don't you wish we were there already?
10:10All right, then. I'll race you!
10:19Stop!
10:37Oh, I wish this bridge wouldn't wobble so!
10:48Must have been a strong river breeze.
11:12I think we'd better give it a rest, you know, just in case you're feeling sick.
11:15Genies don't get sick. I mean, I don't get sick.
11:18It's just like riding on Dad's magic carpet.
11:20Up and down, up and down.
11:27Isn't this just wonderful?
11:30Yes, it is.
11:33It's so nice to be here with you.
11:35Yes, it is.
11:37Without Penelope.
11:38Well, I wish she could see this.
11:46Penelope!
11:48I do wish you'd speak up, darling, and you dare to cast a spell over my mother.
11:52I know you want to be free, but really, how can anyone stoop so low?
11:55She's still being rude.
11:57I constantly wish she was more polite.
12:04I am sorry.
12:06Please forgive me. Was I interrupting something?
12:10This is the best time I've ever had.
12:13This is the best time I've ever had.
12:15Hey, what are mates for, buddy?
12:18I really mean it. I wish I could do something to repay you.
12:22Gee, I can't think of anything I need unless maybe...
12:26Nah.
12:27What, mate? Name it.
12:29Well, I just don't have a magic opal.
12:34Couldn't get the opal off Penelope for your best mate, then?
12:37It's just that Penelope hasn't got it.
12:41What? Who has?
12:44Can't tell you who my master is at the moment. One of the rules of magic.
12:49You couldn't even tell your mate? You couldn't even give your best mate the opal?
12:53I can't even pick the opal up, let alone give it to you.
12:56Anyway, Dad would kill me.
12:59You mean the guy that didn't want you around anymore? Bruce Hymn?
13:03Baz, Baz, Baz.
13:05Can't you see I'd be a great master?
13:08You want to stay in Australia, right? I'd wish for it.
13:11You want anything? I'll wish for it.
13:14What are you saying, mate? We're a team or what?
13:17Come on.
13:21Would my lady like me to select a dress for dinner?
13:24Actually, I'd prefer a grilled chop.
13:29My lady, you are a one.
13:32Don't you like the food, Bruce?
13:34No, it was fine, really.
13:36But you've hardly touched your meal.
13:42I'm trying to lose a few pounds.
13:44No, Bruce. You look fine to me.
13:47Doesn't he look fine to you, Penelope?
13:50Magic.
13:54I do wish you'd say what's bothering you, dear.
13:57Since you asked, Mummy,
13:59I don't like you getting so close to Bruce.
14:03He's at the other end of the table.
14:06What do you mean?
14:08Seeing you put it so politely,
14:10I don't like the idea of you getting romantic with another man.
14:14Well, I'm glad we've cleared that up.
14:18I wonder what Mossie's got for dessert.
14:20When you were going to marry Bubbles, it was all right.
14:23It was a fair game.
14:25When you were going to marry Bubbles, it was all right.
14:28It was a financial arrangement.
14:30But this is different.
14:35I wonder where Baz is. I haven't seen him for a while.
14:40I don't want anyone replacing my daddy.
14:46So they forgot to invite you, hey, Baz?
14:49Don't worry, little buddy. I'll stick by you.
14:51We're still mates, huh?
14:53So, mate, are you going to show me where the opal is?
14:55You know, seeing as how you want to repay me and everything.
14:57Well, look, I'll just say
14:59there might be something in this hole that might interest you.
15:04Here?
15:05Can't see.
15:06Here?
15:07Can't help anymore.
15:13Come on, Baz, give us a hint.
15:15I just never thought you'd find anyone attractive again.
15:18I feel like I'm losing my mummy, too.
15:21Can I help you with the pudding, Mossy?
15:26That looks super, Mossy.
15:28Clotted cream. Oh, jolly.
15:30You're getting warm.
15:38You've rubbed the opal in your hand.
15:41Your every wish is our command.
15:43I know I haven't got the opal in, it's a waste of time, but...
15:46I wish you weren't here.
15:48No, no, it's all right. I'll take it.
15:52Oh.
15:53What's going on, son?
15:54Where did Bruce go?
15:55And what's he doing with...
15:57Oh, no.
15:58Everything's cool, Dad, really.
16:01Cool?
16:02What's cool?
16:04What's he doing with the opal?
16:07Just making a few wishes.
16:09Bye-bye, Pen.
16:10What do you mean?
16:12Is she pondering?
16:14What do you mean?
16:15Wish you poms were back in England.
16:18Right now.
16:28OK, genies.
16:30Work time.
16:36Would you like some cream with your pudding?
16:39Look, listen and learn.
16:41Conrad the hunk is on his way.
16:43Pass it.
16:45You've only done it this time, I have told you a hundred times.
16:48Wait, not lately.
16:50You didn't even want me around.
16:52You told me to go and amuse myself.
16:54What's that got to do with anything?
16:55That's not important right now.
16:56It's important to me.
16:58You're wrong.
17:00I'm sorry.
17:01It's OK, Dad.
17:02Conrad said he'd do whatever we want.
17:04Me and him are mates.
17:07Mates?
17:08With him?
17:09Yeah, if we want something, he'll just wish for it.
17:12Watch.
17:13Hey, Conrad, mate.
17:15Are you talking to me, Baz?
17:16Yeah.
17:17Dad doesn't believe that you'd do anything for us.
17:20So why don't you take us down to the cave where the opal's found?
17:24Just to show Dad that we're mates.
17:26Oh, and we could go to the cave and wish us into the opal
17:30so you and your dad can finally be free
17:32and all your dreams can come true.
17:35You see, Dad?
17:36He's on our side.
17:37But that'd be too easy.
17:39We've got plenty of time for that.
17:41He said, Dad.
17:42He did.
17:43It's OK, Baz.
17:45Now, Bruce, I wish for some amusements for the boy
17:48just over there will do.
17:52Now, Baz, you go and amuse yourself.
17:54Your father and I have got some work to do.
17:57Run along.
17:59Cute kid.
18:02What am I doing working and sweating on the body beautiful
18:05when I can make a wish?
18:07Bruce, I'm thinking man of wealth, man of muscle.
18:14That's 195 wishes in the past 20 minutes.
18:20I think we're in a bit of trouble, son.
18:22I'm sorry, Dad.
18:25It's all right.
18:26I appreciate that.
18:28Hey, Mr. Magic.
18:33I've been doing a bit of thinking.
18:35No, I've been doing a bit of wishing.
18:38And I wish for a circus to be right here right now.
18:44What's this?
18:46A flea circus.
18:48Good one, Dad.
18:53Very funny.
18:54Now I want a real one with the clowns and the lot.
18:57All right?
18:58All right.
19:02I'm sorry, Penelope.
19:04I didn't mean to make you feel left out.
19:07Oh, Mummy, what a mess.
19:09It's all my fault.
19:11Oh, Penelope, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever fall in love again.
19:15I don't suppose there's anybody out there who'd be interested
19:17in seeing a silly old thing like me.
19:20Don't be silly, Mummy.
19:21You're not silly.
19:23Lots of people will be interested in seeing you.
19:28Lord Uckrington Smythe to see you, my lady.
19:34Anyone for tennis?
19:39Right, I can't keep doing this.
19:41There is a limit to my powers.
19:43Simple.
19:44I'll just wish for unlimited power.
19:45No, you can't.
19:46It's like a battery running down.
19:48I can't do this forever.
19:50Funny, Bruce.
19:51I wish for all the money in the world.
19:53No, wait.
19:54I wish for all the money in the universe.
19:57No, wait.
20:00Universe, brilliant.
20:01I wish that there was a Martian right here, right now.
20:06No, wait.
20:11Get me back to normal.
20:18Bruce?
20:20I wish you were back.
20:32Love to try.
20:34Well, come on, Bruce.
20:35Let's get things happening.
20:37Ah, Conrad.
20:39I was just thinking.
20:40What?
20:41Wouldn't it be good if that bossy boot-belly
20:43could see what a winner you are?
20:46Good idea, Bess.
20:47She'll be green with envy.
20:49I wish Penelope could drop on in.
20:55Get it.
20:56What are you doing?
20:57Get it.
20:58Get it.
20:59Get it.
21:00Get it.
21:01Get it.
21:02Get it.
21:03Get it.
21:04Get it.
21:05Get it.
21:06Get it.
21:07I wish you'd let go, Bruce.
21:08I wish he'd let go.
21:09Two masters.
21:10Now, I've never seen that before.
21:11I wish that...
21:12What's going on, Conrad?
21:13There's something going on.
21:14I can smell it.
21:15Where's the opal?
21:16Well, they can't have it.
21:17They can't have it.
21:18Well, they can't have it.
21:19They can't even touch it.
21:20Who can't touch it?
21:21What's happening here?
21:22All right, nobody move.
21:23I'm sitting on it.
21:25I thought you were exhausted.
21:27I was just pretending.
21:28Help me, son.
21:31Hey, circus.
21:32Don't move.
21:34You wouldn't.
21:35What's going on?
21:36I would.
21:37Wouldn't what?
21:38He's got a circus in there.
21:40And I'm not afraid of you.
21:42Circus?
21:43Come on, mate.
21:44Remember, you've got to be nice to your mate.
21:46You're right.
21:48Oh!
21:49Oh, no!
21:50No!
21:51Conrad!
21:52Conrad!
21:53Thank you, pal.
21:54No worries, pal.
21:55Now, you're both getting very forgetful.
21:58What do you want about I've got a memory like an elephant?
22:00Oh, really?
22:01Well, I've got a magic genie,
22:02and I wish you'd both just forget about this little incident.
22:12Attention!
22:13How many times have I got to tell you?
22:15You've got a forage for your food
22:16Show a bit of initiative.
22:18Show a bit of determination, a bit of guts, a bit of muscle.
22:21I mean it.
22:23Did you get that bugle?
22:24What bugle?
22:25I can't remember anything these days.
22:27I'm so itchy.
22:29It doesn't matter.
22:30These mongrels don't deserve authenticity.
22:36You see?
22:37He is like my old son.
22:39A great guy.
22:40A great guy.
22:45I brought Mummy here to cheer her up.
22:47That's all.
22:48We're going straight back to England tonight.
22:50Understood?
22:54Do you reckon you could leave us alone for a bit?
23:06Good day, darling.
23:07My boss.
23:08How's it going?
23:11Love a good sunset?
23:13Yes.
23:15You remind me of something.
23:19Do you know I can't think what?
23:23Don't go.
23:24Why not?
23:25Stop asking questions,
23:26and I wish you'd let Mummy and Bruce be alone.
23:28Alone?
23:35At last I did something right.
23:41There is a big gap between our generation.
23:44And Mummy's.
23:45And Bruce's.
23:47I can sort of see what Bruce sees in Mummy.
23:49I mean, she's attractive.
23:51Sort of.
23:52But I definitely can't see what Mummy sees in Bruce.
23:55He's too old for her.
23:57He's 5,000 years old.
23:59He's too old for anyone.
24:02I'm the genie.
24:03You're the master.
24:04That's right.
24:05I'm the master.
24:06You're my genie.
24:08You belong to me.
24:09Yes!
24:10I've served a lot of masters
24:12throughout history.
24:14Now I want to go back home
24:17where I can be free.
24:19Then you come along
24:21with the opal in your hand.
24:23Now you're my genie.
24:25Now you're my genie.
24:27Now you're my genie.
24:30Now your every wish is my command.
24:34That's right!
24:36Genie, genie from down under.
24:40Make my wish come true.
24:42Dream on.
24:44Genie, genie from down under.
24:48I wish you'd do what I want you to.
24:51Ah, yeah. All right then.
24:54Genie from Down Under