Veep Season 5 Episode 9 Kissing Your Sister
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00:00The House will come to order for a roll call vote on the matter of who will be the President
00:18of the United States.
00:20Senator William O'Brien from Arizona.
00:22All right.
00:23Here we go.
00:24Alabama.
00:25First in the alphabet.
00:26Last in every other fucking thing.
00:28I believe it's number one and easiest state to get away with murdering a black guy.
00:32Alabama.
00:33Come on, come on, come on.
00:34Alabama casts its vote for President Selena Meyer.
00:37That's my town!
00:39Ooh, better have a ding dong!
00:41Yeah!
00:42Uh, Catherine, would you please give it a rest with that camera?
00:46My name is Catherine Meyer.
00:49I've spent my entire life in the public eye.
00:52While the public will always remember me as the little girl who fell off the stage twice
00:57in one evening, I'm a grown woman now with my own passions and interests.
01:04One of the biggest things that ever happened in my life, and my family's life, happened
01:09when the House of Representatives voted to decide the presidency of the United States
01:13for the first time in 140 years.
01:17Almost two months of the day earlier, the American people voted for president.
01:23But that night ended in an historic Electoral College tie between Senator Bill O'Brien and
01:29the sitting president, Selena Meyer, my mom.
01:33It meant that the House of Representatives needed to vote to break the tie and choose a president.
01:38My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister.
01:42Yeah, well this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest.
01:45In order to tell this story, I have to go back to where it all began, the day after
01:54the presidential election was tied.
01:59I do not give my consent to have my likeness appear in this or any other film.
02:04The president will see you now.
02:06I set out to make a film about the tie, but somewhere along the way, I ended up discovering
02:12something about myself.
02:14I'm gonna have to have approval over all of this footage, Catherine, okay?
02:18Okay, we can talk about that after.
02:20When did you first know that you wanted to be president?
02:24It was 1973, I was a very little girl, and mother wasn't feeling well.
02:31Daddy asked me to be his date for President Nixon's inaugural ball.
02:39Daddy did a lot of business with Bebe Rebozo.
02:44President Nixon entered the room and, you know, he had his bow tie and his eyebrows.
02:56Daddy leaned into me and he said, you know, a lot of people don't like Nixon,
03:04but by God, they respect him.
03:07And that's you, Peanut.
03:18Delaware.
03:19Come on, come on.
03:20Delaware votes for President Selina Meyer.
03:25I don't wanna jinx things, guys, but I think maybe we should start making our list
03:29of who I'm gonna punish when I win.
03:31Yeah, that's great.
03:32Where are you?
03:34I went home with a congressional fangirl last night.
03:37I don't have my car.
03:38I think I'm in Maryland.
03:39Well, first of all, sir, congratulations are in order.
03:41She's got a fucking parrot.
03:42If the parrot wakes up, the parrot's gonna make noise and wake up her mom.
03:45Has the vote started yet?
03:46Yes, Delaware just voted.
03:47Shit.
03:48Shit.
03:49Okay, you gotta come get me.
03:50Okay, just drop a pin in Apple Maps.
03:52I don't know how to drop a fucking pin.
03:54Well, it's a really intuitive feature.
03:56Do you have iOS 9.2.3?
03:57Shut up.
03:58Bring me a change of clothes and come and get me.
04:01The day after the tie, the stock markets crashed, but my mom did everything she could to get
04:06them back on track.
04:07This afternoon, I asked Tom James to do his country the honor of stepping up to serve
04:14as economy czar, and to my absolute delight, he said yes.
04:19You ever play sports?
04:22Remember how no one ever wanted to play catcher?
04:25Playing catcher is kind of like being the economy czar.
04:30It's not a lot of glory, but a lot of squatting.
04:33A lot of asses in your face.
04:36Thank you so much, Senator James.
04:38You're very welcome.
04:39How's it going?
04:40It's going very well, thank you.
04:42Knock, knock, future calling.
04:45Cheese, please, Louise.
04:47Gentlemen, you know the first daughter?
04:50We do.
04:51She's just interviewing me for a college project.
04:53No, it's a doc.
04:55Oh, yeah, like one of those movies for people who like to be sad?
04:59What do you think of the electoral tie?
05:01You know, at night, when I dare to close my eyes, I dream about your mother losing,
05:06and then coming upon her holding a cardboard sign at the bottom of a highway exit ramp.
05:11Now, if I were Tom James, I would just try to get three states to abstain,
05:14and then it would go to the Senate, serving the president the most abject humiliation
05:18in the history of the United States.
05:20Oh, you know what the cardboard sign says?
05:22What does it say?
05:24It says, I'm so sorry, Bill Erickson.
05:28Here's the presidency.
05:29Well, I'll tell you something.
05:31You can't think that way.
05:34That's what Mother always said.
05:36When you have those kinds of negative feelings,
05:39you just pick them up, and you stuff them in your box,
05:44and you close it down tight,
05:46and you take that box, and you shove it way back here,
05:50in the corner of your head,
05:53and swallow that key.
05:55Poof. They're gone.
05:57And then that's it. And it works, too, sweetie.
06:00That's something that Mother told me that works.
06:03Okay, you pour the hot water into the pot.
06:06Swirl it around a bit.
06:08And then you pour it out.
06:11That's called hot in the pot.
06:13Now, this is a special blend I got.
06:15It's got chamomile and rose hips and some other little special ingredients
06:18that I'm not going to tell you on camera.
06:20My question was, what's your take on the financial crisis?
06:24Oh.
06:27I just think they ran out of money.
06:30They should probably just print more.
06:32I don't know why it's been such a big issue.
06:34Okay, guys, when are we going to fire Mike, by the way?
06:37Because it is seriously just one fuck-up after fuck-up with him.
06:41Yeah, right after the inauguration,
06:43we'll show Mr. McShit-Talk the door.
06:46Hey.
06:48Hi.
06:50I love my job. Oh, my God.
06:53I love my job forever,
06:55especially because this is the kind of job
06:57that I've gotten better at every year.
06:59And it's also the kind of job
07:01that you need to be fast on your feet.
07:03You need to be quick, and you need to sort of, uh...
07:06I don't even know what the word is.
07:09We're in the process of converting the guest bedroom
07:12into a nursery for our arriving Chinese angel.
07:15And ta-da!
07:17We went with a Winnie the Pooh knock-off.
07:19It's made in China, so Ellen will feel right at home.
07:22The Sun Bear? So much cheaper.
07:24And we've checked the room for lead, so there's...
07:26Actually, I need... I'm supposed to check...
07:28I have to get a guy to check the room for lead,
07:30but we will check for lead.
07:32In mid-November, my mom's team challenged
07:34the vote totals in Nevada,
07:36which meant the tie might not be a tie any longer.
07:39I've changed my mind. About what?
07:41Send me to Nevada. I want the job.
07:43Oh, but so does Candy Caruso.
07:46And even though, and I quote,
07:50the fact that I'm a woman means
07:52we will no longer have any women presidents
07:54because we've already tried one and she fucking sucked.
07:57Right. Please. Please.
07:59Please.
08:03Well, I'll give you this.
08:05Candy Caruso would not eat this amount of shit.
08:08Unless afterwards she went into a bathroom stall
08:10and used the old two-fingered butcher.
08:12Why would I want to stand next to a twig like that all day
08:16when I can stand next to you?
08:18What would you do if you lost?
08:20You keep harping on this.
08:22But I'll tell you something. I have lost elections.
08:25I lost the first time that I ran for Congress.
08:28They called me Selina Vanderbilt,
08:30as if the Vanderbilts had any money left.
08:33Anyway, after that, you know,
08:35I went to Arizona to a spa,
08:38and I took stock.
08:40And I asked myself some tough questions about...
08:43Wait. Was that when you had your nervous breakdown?
08:47No, no, I didn't.
08:49No, I went to a spa, sweetie.
08:52No, when Rosa had to take care of me
08:54because you went to a mental hospital.
08:57No, darling, I didn't go to a mental hospital.
09:00I went to a spa.
09:02Is this how this is all gonna be in your movie?
09:05Massachusetts, folks.
09:07For Selina Meyer.
09:08Clementine O'Brien.
09:09Hey, I just talked to Furlong. He said everything's under control.
09:12Plus a bunch of stuff about assholes and jizz and my pretty mom.
09:15Richard, where is Jonah?
09:17Morning!
09:18Shut the fuck up, Richard!
09:20Well, you can't scream that in this neighborhood.
09:23I couldn't find my clothes.
09:25I had to get this out of her dad's closet.
09:27Shorty told me she was a senior at Georgetown.
09:29Turns out she went to Georgetown Day School.
09:31Oh.
09:32She's on the math team.
09:34Are you filming me?
09:35Oh, uh, yeah.
09:37Katherine asked me to help assist her with documenting the boat.
09:40Plus, she taught me how to make sure the camera's on.
09:42Oh, okay, good.
09:43Well, then, on this historic day...
09:45Also, the president's on the line.
09:47Oh, motherfuck.
09:48Jonah, can you hear me?
09:49Yes, ma'am.
09:50You listen to me, alright?
09:51You are already dead.
09:54What you do now, you do for your family.
09:58You get yourself in there and you vote for me!
10:01Is my entire presidency about to have its neck snapped by Congressman Lenny here?
10:06Come on, friendlies, let's slow this thing down.
10:09The great state of Michigan.
10:12Would like to cast its vote.
10:16But first, let us pray.
10:20My mom lost the Nevada recount, but that was overshadowed by some terrible news.
10:25My dear Meemaw died.
10:27This is the Oval Office!
10:29Wow, three generations of Meyer women.
10:33It's like the best episode of Falcon Crest ever.
10:36Mother, this right here is the Resolute Desk, and it was used by FDR.
10:45And now by me, Mother, your daughter.
10:51I do hope you'll wait till your hair grows to have your portrait painted.
11:00This has been fun.
11:02She looks like a boy.
11:03Okay.
11:05It doesn't seem that deep. Look.
11:09No, that's not that deep.
11:11Excuse me, should this be deeper?
11:13Have you ever lost a grandparent?
11:15All my grandparents are dead.
11:18Wait, um, no, one or two might still be alive.
11:23Hey.
11:24Hey.
11:26Good to be back in good old D.C., away from the greed, the money, and the hookers.
11:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:31Listen, um, so if you're not doing anything later, then maybe we can go—
11:35Jesus fucking Christ, you gotta tell your sister to stop calling me.
11:44Hey, girl.
11:45So now as a person in politics under 40, um, you just wait and cut?
11:51Actually, um, I'm the one that's supposed to say cut.
11:55No, no, no, I'm saying it because we're starting that over.
11:59Ready? Action.
12:02As a person in politics who's younger than most of her cu—
12:05Mm, cut.
12:06No, Amy, please don't actually say—
12:08Action.
12:09We were really disappointed about the Chinese adoption sanctions. That—
12:13But on the bright side, I turned the nursery into a man cave for me.
12:18I mean, surround sound, 55-inch television screen.
12:22It actually costs the same as the kid, so it works out.
12:24I can't wait for Wendy to see it. She is gonna—
12:29Possibly like it.
12:31Do you like working at the White House?
12:33I do. Yes.
12:35Have you enjoyed working for the president?
12:37Yes.
12:38Were you ever frightened for your life?
12:40No.
12:41Are you really ready to take a bullet for the president?
12:43Yes.
12:44Have you ever killed a man?
12:45Can't say.
12:46Do you think my mom's a good president?
12:53Yes.
12:54That was perfect. Everybody else that I've interviewed just talks about themselves all the time, and they're so—
12:57Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?
13:00Oh, yeah. I would love that.
13:02I should say that I— You know that I'm not gay.
13:06Really?
13:07Yeah. Well, I didn't mean that to come across—
13:09No, I didn't. I just— You know, it's just—
13:11I assume just because of the way you dress and stare at me.
13:17Well, I mean, I like guys.
13:19The Thanksgiving death of Congressman Harry Sherman put the key state of New Hampshire back in play for the House vote.
13:26I followed candidate Jonah Ryan as he campaigned in his home state.
13:30How am I doing? Eating so much pussy, I'm shitting clits, son.
13:33Hey!
13:34What?
13:35This is an elementary school! Watch your spewing mouth, you animal!
13:39Hey! You're gonna pay for that! That is assault!
13:42That is assault! You are witnesses! Right now!
13:45This is assault!
13:47Hello there. I'm Jonah Ryan.
13:51Ah, fuck!
13:53Mother cunt!
13:54Piece of shit! Fuck you!
13:57Fuck you!
13:59Ah, fuck!
14:02Careful, careful, careful.
14:03I think the problem is that you lack upper body strength.
14:07Oh! Why am I even chopping the fucking wood? It's the 21st century!
14:11We don't even use this shit anymore!
14:17It worked fine.
14:18Ah!
14:20And I grew up right here, in the awesome state of New Hampshire.
14:24I hitched my wagon to a shooting star named Jonah Ryan.
14:28Maybe I should say comet, because shooting stars burn out and he never will.
14:32The only downside is that I'll probably have to miss my Gilbert and Sullivan Society annual show.
14:39Operetta's my passion.
14:41If you want to know who we are, we are gentlemen of Japan.
14:54Home to Motown, aka Hitsville, USA, would like to cast its vote
15:02for President Selena Catherine Meyer.
15:10Michigan votes for Selena Meyer.
15:12Jesus, Richard, please drive faster.
15:15Maybe if you held the camera, that would be easier.
15:17I'm not going to hold the camera, Richard. How would I be on the camera?
15:20Jesus Christ, Richard! You could have killed me!
15:23Can't you do two simple things at once?
15:25Well, just thank God I didn't hit those school children.
15:27Who gives a fuck about them? Go! Go!
15:30Well, actually, the car won't start, so maybe call an Uber.
15:34We can't call an Uber. I've been banned for life because I have a low rating.
15:39Missouri abstains from the vote.
15:41Missouri abstains?
15:43This is Tom, and he's making a move like some kind of grand fucking chess master.
15:48Right.
15:49They all made his endgame, Shades of Carpaw versus Casper.
15:52Who's that for?
15:53Guys, Missouri's going to abstain.
15:55Jesus, Tom just needs to make sure that no one gets a 26
15:57and then get his buddy Marwood to make sure there's not another vote.
15:59That's it.
16:00Where is Jonah, folks?
16:02This fucker, they're taking a Lyft now?
16:08Time to wake up.
16:09Stop.
16:10You mean Lesbo?
16:14How much did it do you?
16:16I think it's time to wake up.
16:17Suddenly, everything in my life made sense.
16:20Actually, I got a question for you.
16:23Is it weird going hallway to hallway with your mom's twin?
16:27What?
16:28The...
16:31Never mind.
16:32Do you think about what you'll do if my mother doesn't win?
16:35God, I have no idea.
16:37What else am I going to do?
16:38Go out and see the world?
16:40I don't even like looking out my window, so...
16:44I really... I don't know.
16:47Ben!
16:48You home?
16:50It's the spouse.
16:52Hey, sweetie.
16:54Hi.
16:55Joyce, this is the president's daughter, Catherine.
16:59Catherine, this is my wife, Joyce.
17:01Nice to meet you.
17:02You too.
17:03I thought you and the kids were on vacation this week.
17:06Yeah, that was last month.
17:07Joyce, she took care of me after my third heart attack.
17:10My second wife was a nurse as well.
17:13I guess I have a thing for nurses, huh?
17:16Yeah, but I his best nurse.
17:20Precious moments figurines are a very good investment.
17:23Would you care for a drink?
17:25Hi. Yeah, I'm trying to reach Charlie Baird.
17:28This is a friend of his, Gary Walsh.
17:31What's the... What is this concerning?
17:34Hanging out?
17:36Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?
17:39No!
17:40I like to get out of Washington whenever I can,
17:43so I joined a club.
17:45These are my compatriots.
17:47We are a historically Spanish-speaking motorcycle club,
17:50which has been under a great deal of unfair legal scrutiny lately.
17:55This is our president, El Cabeza.
17:58I'll let you go.
18:00With us?
18:07I find that my involvement in the club
18:09keeps the inner-Nissan skirmishes of Washington in perspective.
18:17Yellow?
18:19Hey, how far out are you?
18:21Oh, we're at security.
18:23Get the hunchback of Notre Hampshire down to the floor.
18:26Uh, well, we've reached a little bit of a kerfuffle.
18:29I'd say even more of a kerfuffle than like a snafu approaching Quagmire.
18:32Ryan, just Google me. Google me!
18:35Come on, fucking Google me!
18:37Calm down, sir.
18:39Jesus Christ.
18:43We're hanging out by a thread,
18:45but if everyone votes the way we think they're gonna vote, we'll win.
18:48Yeah, that's the least reassuring sentence I've heard since
18:51it's okay, it's just the text.
18:53Looking tighter than Will's own butthole
18:55when he's got his finger jammed up there watching, uh,
18:57Bad News Bears while he jerks off.
18:59How tight is that, Will?
19:01It's very tight, sir.
19:03Yeah, but I wouldn't take down the tampon dispenser
19:05in the Oval Office bathroom just yet.
19:07How will you feel if my mom loses?
19:09If your mom loses? Um, I'll miss her.
19:12She's a pretty classy lady.
19:15She's the only person in this town who really gets me.
19:17Oh. So I will see you tomorrow night.
19:20Yes.
19:22Yes, indeed.
19:23As the vote got closer, the tension in the White House ratcheted up even further.
19:27Ryan.
19:29Door.
19:32So what the fuck is Tom up to?
19:42I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
19:45Yes?
19:49I was just checking to see if there was another meeting about me.
19:53Not today.
19:55Okay.
20:01Guys, Mike is a moron.
20:03Jesus Christ. I can't wait until after the inauguration.
20:07No.
20:08I'm sure he's an inspiration to other slow adults,
20:10but it's enough already with Mike.
20:12I'll start lining up interviews.
20:14Since the surrogate's pregnant, we've converted the man cave back into a baby cave.
20:18And this thing here was already hard mounted and it's pretty solid,
20:22so I think I'm just going to leave it here, you know?
20:24That way we can play educational stuff for the baby.
20:26You know, Barney, nature films, nothing harmful.
20:30Oh, God.
20:32Check for lead. Note to self.
20:34So what's up with all the hockey stuff?
20:44Let's go in here.
20:46We can talk privately in here, Tom.
20:48Shit.
20:50I've been waiting for this for a very long time.
20:52Okay.
20:54How stupid are you, you motherfucking snake?
20:56Fuck!
20:58All right, I wanted to fuck you!
21:00That's right, and now you're trying to fuck me again tonight!
21:02No, I am fucking you tonight!
21:04No, I'm going to fuck you!
21:10No, no, no, no.
21:13No, no, no, no.
21:15Please.
21:17Have you thought about what you'll do if my mother loses?
21:19We'll be fine.
21:21Sorry.
21:23Hi, it's this couch right here, yeah.
21:25I mean, whether we're in the White House,
21:27or we're antiquing in Charleston,
21:30or we're on the pink sandy beaches of Barbuda.
21:34You know, it's like, we'll be fine.
21:36Where do you want this?
21:38Just not here.
21:40We haven't even been to Italy!
21:42My father was a Navy guy,
21:44so we traveled the world quite a bit.
21:47I am very excited to be Secretary of State.
21:53What about Congressman Graves?
21:55I thought that he was doing it.
21:58No.
22:02I tell you, I have a photograph of my father.
22:05New Hampshire.
22:07Where is he?
22:09Where are you?
22:12We are still missing a member of our delegation.
22:14I thought that you said he was at security.
22:16He was.
22:18He's 18 feet tall. How could he have gone missing?
22:20She can't remove...
22:22I need more help.
22:25Other way.
22:30Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:32Oh, no.
22:34Fuck!
22:37I'm so excited.
22:39She's here.
22:41Hi.
22:43Hi, Mom.
22:45Sweetie.
22:47Catherine, this is my mom, my dad.
22:49Hi.
22:51Grandma, Grandpa.
22:53This is Catherine Meyer, my work friend.
22:55What?
22:57Welcome to Montana.
22:59We had a fight.
23:03I trust the American people to make the right decision.
23:07What if you think that they're going to make a certain decision
23:09and they make a different decision
23:11and then it completely derails
23:13what you thought was going to happen.
23:15Oh, honey, don't cry.
23:17Mommy's going to get elected, honey.
23:21Marjorie and I broke up.
23:24Oh.
23:26Oh.
23:28That's terrible.
23:32Do you need a tissue?
23:34No, I'm fine.
23:36Yeah, no, you do.
23:39Marjorie, oh, you look terrible.
23:41You look terrible.
23:43Oh.
23:45Honey, let me tell you something.
23:47Marjorie
23:49is insufferable.
23:51Okay?
23:53There are other fish
23:55in the sapphic sea.
23:57Babe, I mean, seriously.
23:59There are more lesbians
24:01in the Secret Service, even.
24:03You feel better?
24:05Good girl.
24:07Legacy is not something that I can be concerned with.
24:09I'm, I'm
24:11laser-focused on
24:13doing the best possible job I can
24:15as president.
24:17Catherine.
24:19Not everybody gets to just walk
24:21into the Oval.
24:23Madam President.
24:25Wayne. Hey.
24:27What the what?
24:29What, are you doing an interview?
24:31Yeah, he is.
24:33Wow, completely slipped my mind.
24:36May I have the talking points
24:38for this afternoon? Oh, no.
24:40Sorry. Wrong ones.
24:42I'll be back. See you at
24:44poker on Wednesday, right?
24:48So, you see what I'm dealing with
24:50here, right? You didn't tell him
24:52that I'm taking his job yet?
24:54Nope, that'll be your first press release.
24:56Now that there will be three babies
24:58on the way, we decided to move the kiddos
25:00upstairs to the master, and this
25:02will be the new love palace.
25:04She gets the dresser,
25:06and I'll hang those in the,
25:08I don't know where. The lead?
25:10Still a problem.
25:12Raise your right hand, please.
25:14I do solemnly swear
25:16I do solemnly swear
25:18that I will support and defend
25:20the Constitution of the United States.
25:22That I will support and defend the Constitution
25:24of the United States.
25:28Vermont abstains from the vote.
25:30Oh, no.
25:33That's three abstentions. Sorry, ma'am.
25:39Wait, though, isn't there anything
25:41we can do? No, you'd have to run the table
25:43now to win. There's no way you can get to
25:4526. But what if we get Virginia?
25:47You're not gonna get Virginia. What if we get West Virginia?
25:49You're not gonna get anything. Can we give them
25:51farm subsidies? You can't win,
25:53ma'am. You're not gonna
25:55be president.
25:57Ma'am.
25:59Oh, Christ.
26:01I mean, O'Brien's only got 22.
26:03Yeah. I mean, I don't think even
26:05he could get to 26.
26:07Looks like we're looking down the
26:09barrel of a Tom James presidency.
26:11Could you explain to me one more time
26:13how this whole thing's worked? Why is Tom...
26:17I'm really sorry, Mom.
26:19Hey, don't worry, ma'am.
26:21You can run again in four years, you know?
26:23Not if Tom
26:25James is president, I can't.
26:29Votes for Bill O'Brien.
26:31Washington votes for Bill O'Brien.
26:35All right, everybody clear out.
26:39Clear out!
26:41Except you, Amy.
26:48Okay, look.
26:52Get that clown Tar-Jonah on the phone right now.
26:54What if we tell him
26:56to vote for O'Brien?
26:59Ma'am,
27:01you can't do that.
27:03It is the only
27:05fucking thing that I can do, Amy.
27:07Seriously.
27:09If O'Brien wins
27:11the presidency, I can run against him
27:13in four years. But if Tom
27:15James wins, he's gonna be
27:17president for the next eight
27:19years, Amy. Eight.
27:2112, ma'am. Huh?
27:23Tom's first term won't count
27:25because technically he'll be an elevated vice
27:28president, but I sound like Ken.
27:30My God, in 12 years,
27:32I'm gonna be a shriveled up
27:34can of ass.
27:36Seriously, I can't. I mean,
27:38my political window just slams
27:40shut the second I can't wear sleeveless
27:42dresses. Call Jonah right
27:44now and tell him to
27:46vote for O'Brien.
27:50Oh, excuse me. Where is the house chamber?
27:52Oh, the house chamber's that way.
27:54No, it's not. We just...
27:56We just fucking came from there.
27:58No, it's not.
28:00God damn it.
28:04You better be right.
28:06I'm gonna close the vote.
28:08O'Brien, 25. He's one away.
28:10Please, God, deliver Jonah to Congress
28:12and then give him any kind of cancer.
28:14I don't care. Cat Aries.
28:16Marjorie? I don't wanna talk
28:18to you. Look, I'm sorry,
28:20okay? I told
28:22my parents about us, and they took it
28:24hard, but I don't care. I love you.
28:26I love you, too.
28:36That's, uh, O'Brien, 25.
28:38Meyer, 22,
28:40with three abstentions.
28:42Noken has received the
28:44constitutionally required
28:4626 votes. This house
28:48is adjourned.
28:50I'm sorry, I would like to change my vote. I voted
28:53for the wrong person. I would like to change
28:55my vote. Thank you.
28:57Where is everyone going?
28:59The gentleman from New Hampshire
29:01puts Ford onto the floor, a do-over.
29:03Thank you. We have just
29:05witnessed a historic no decision
29:07in the House of Representatives.
29:09Okay, we gotta get a statement.
29:11We'll now choose between Senators Tom
29:13James and Laura Montage.
29:15Oh, hey, Marjorie. Hello, ma'am.
29:17If I lose, I lose.
29:19Teddy Roosevelt lost.
29:21John Adams lost. Winston Churchill
29:23lost. So, plenty of Presidents
29:25have lost and gone on
29:27to do great, great things.
29:33Are we done, sweetie?
29:35I can't fucking lose this thing.
29:43We are now entering the
29:45red room, which originally was the
29:47yellow drawing room.
29:50Madam President, I am so sorry.
29:52We're just coming through.
29:54Everybody, come on in.
29:56Come on in. Welcome, welcome.
29:58Welcome.
30:00Hello. Look at you.
30:02I think you're from Kansas.
30:04I am. I voted for you twice
30:06this year and back when he ran
30:08for President the first time.
30:10You're clutching your back like I'm gonna steal.
30:12Oh, no.
30:14Would you like to take a picture?
30:16Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
30:18She knows what she wants.
30:20Can we get it?
30:22Yeah. Great. Thank you.
30:24I love you.
30:48Who else
30:50would like a photo?
30:54Some say a tie is like kissing your
30:56sister, but it took an
30:58electoral college tie for me
31:00to get to kiss the sister
31:02I never knew I had.
31:08I'm just gonna ask
31:10you what you think of
31:12a few people in my mother's administration.
31:14It's a great opportunity. Thank you.
31:17What do you think of Amy Brookheimer?
31:19She likes to hear herself talk.
31:21Tense. Shrill. Shrill.
31:23Shrill. Shrill.
31:25Did they say shrill? How would you describe Gary Walsh?
31:27A kind person.
31:29Truck stop glory holes.
31:31Can do a handstand still. What do you think of
31:33Dan Egan? Douchebag.
31:35The other side of the glory hole. He's fine.
31:37Mike is an idiot.
31:39It's amazing he got a driver's license.
31:41One of the most extraordinarily incoherent
31:43people I've ever met in my life.
31:45In a futuristic sci-fi movie
31:47you'll see a robot
31:49that's the old version of the robot
31:51and you kind of feel bad. How about Jonah?
31:53Jonah Ryan is the congressman
31:55that the people of New Hampshire deserve.
31:57Do you think you had a crowning achievement
31:59as vice president?
32:01Well, I became
32:03president.
32:05Can't we call that an achievement?
32:07Did you vote for mom?
32:09If I would have voted, it would have certainly been
32:11for your mother. Where do you see yourself
32:13in 20 years?
32:15See the Galapagos, Alan.
32:17Yeah, I've penciled it in. 2036.
32:19Can't go there.
32:21But two tickets. I don't know who the others are going to be.
32:23But I'm assuming by then
32:25I'll be coupled up.
32:27This is the most important bill that has ever
32:29been signed into law.
32:31I just like to be close to the sun.
32:33I haven't thought that far ahead.
32:35I'm so focused on the present.
32:37Let me ask you a question.
32:39What's the best lesbian porn site?
32:43I don't know.