Veep Season 6 Episode 6 Qatar
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00:00Furlong didn't invite me to his little power broker dinner party.
00:03Mrs. Furlong likes inviting couples, not unregistered sex offenders.
00:09Why didn't you take me back to your place? Do you live with your mom?
00:12No, no, she wishes.
00:14Maybe you can call the post and tell them these rumors about us are complete bullshit.
00:17Damn, if I stop being fuckable, then I am grandma.
00:21You're the one telling people.
00:22The Chinese might discuss Tibet.
00:25I'm freeing Tibet.
00:27Madam President.
00:28Mr. Ambassador.
00:29I'm afraid to say that the Chinese are rather nervous about moving forward with Tibet,
00:34now that you're out of power.
00:35President Montez has brokered a deal with the Chinese government.
00:39I cannot believe this, but she has freed the lawless.
00:50This is Sheikh Mohammed Marhaba.
00:52Sheikh Hamid, I am so sorry for your loss.
00:56You did such important work together in the field of...
01:00Human trafficking?
01:02Import-export, my sympathies.
01:05Oh, scary.
01:07It's like six degrees of al-Qaeda in here.
01:10I hope we don't drown this place while we're in it.
01:12Okay, let's just go this way.
01:14Yes.
01:15No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:16That's Colonel Omar Salah.
01:17He's a Sudanese warlord.
01:18You cannot have a photo with him.
01:20He's dressed like a doorman.
01:22Oh, hey Lou.
01:23What?
01:24I've tried to call you many times.
01:29You know what?
01:30I know that you speak English.
01:32You don't want to talk about Tibet.
01:33That's fine.
01:34You can just say that.
01:35You can be direct.
01:37Goodbye.
01:38You don't just forget English.
01:40You just went full China Manami.
01:41Okay, this is Ambassador Al Jaffar's nephew.
01:44I know you.
01:45I didn't recognize you with your little hat.
01:48I'm so sorry for your loss.
01:50Oh, well, I have a dozen uncles.
01:52One less, more for the rest, right?
01:54Okay.
01:54You know, I saw you speaking to President Lou.
01:57I wanted to express my sympathies for everything that unfolded with Tibet.
02:00Oh, yeah.
02:01Well, tell it to that ingrate, the Dalai Lama.
02:04I guess he'll be thanking me in his next life.
02:06I would love to keep chatting,
02:07but the Israeli trade representative is headed this way.
02:10So let us hope to see each other again.
02:13Let's hope.
02:17Madam President.
02:18Yes.
02:18Manman Akhtar from Pakistan would like a photo with his brother.
02:22Yeah, shake.
02:24He's an ambassador.
02:25No, do I shake his hand?
02:26No, better not.
02:27Okay.
02:27Everyone say goat cheese.
02:30Good.
02:36I'm nervous.
02:37Can I go?
02:37Okay.
02:38Mom, we have some really exciting news.
02:41Okay.
02:42Catherine, I think there's something wrong with your microphone, honey,
02:45because your voice sounds very whiny.
02:47No.
02:47I think maybe it's the connection.
02:49So can you...
02:50It's crystal clear on our end, ma'am.
02:52Like Catherine's eyes.
02:53Oh, yeah.
02:54Well, you sound the same.
02:56Mom, Marjorie and I wanted to be the first to tell you
03:01that we're pregnant.
03:02Oh, fuck!
03:05Mom?
03:05Oh, how could this happen?
03:08Show her the poster.
03:09Honestly, I can't.
03:10Congratulations, Grandma.
03:12Oh, yay.
03:12Maybe I can stop masturbating now.
03:14I can't.
03:15No, no.
03:16Just hang up on her.
03:17Okay.
03:19Over a photo that shows former President Selina Meyers
03:21smiling with Sudanese strongman Colonel Omar al-Saleh, the butcher of Juba.
03:26Omar al-Saleh bombed his own people.
03:28He is a bomber and a photo bomber.
03:31My international reputation is literally the only thing that I have left now.
03:36That is not true.
03:37You have amazing calves.
03:39Okay.
03:39What are we going to do here?
03:40I mean, what is the opposite of a warlord?
03:43Peace lady?
03:44Yes.
03:45Thank you very much, Richard.
03:46Richard is thinking.
03:47He understands we need a female hero that we can wash away this warlord crap with.
03:53Yeah.
03:53And why don't you have your phone right now?
03:55I didn't bring it.
03:59I don't have international data, ma'am.
04:01Mike, please!
04:03Ray Lim, she's a Cambodian rights activist.
04:06Perfect.
04:06Oh, she was born with no legs.
04:08What?
04:09Well, that's not going to work, is it?
04:11I know.
04:11How can I even do a walk and talk?
04:13I can't be with somebody who's physically disfigured.
04:16I know you can't.
04:16Makes me feel sick.
04:17I know.
04:18Okay.
04:18Umida Giyazdeh, she's Uzbek free speech advocate.
04:22Fine.
04:22Oh, no.
04:23Scarred in an acid attack.
04:25You know, there's Damia Kaying.
04:27Oh, never mind.
04:28She was executed.
04:29Unless...
04:29Right.
04:30No, that's crazy.
04:31Damn it, I'm roaming.
04:31I can't afford to roam.
04:33We got it.
04:33We got it.
04:34Nayyaring Ayun, women's rights dissident from, get this, the Sudan.
04:39Oh, really?
04:39Yeah.
04:40She's currently under house arrest for opposing the very warlord who photobombed you.
04:44Oh my God.
04:45Full quota of limbs.
04:46She's got a whole face.
04:48How do you take your battery out?
04:49That doesn't come out.
04:49As a girl, she was forced to undergo the traditional female genital cutting.
04:53Oh, God.
04:54Well, that's not going to be on camera.
04:55So just set it up.
04:57That's perfect.
04:57All right.
04:58Why am I downloading a movie?
05:00Gary, I can't get this.
05:02Something's...
05:02Let's flip you over.
05:05Yeah, that's it.
05:06We're not going back now.
05:07We're going to the Sudan.
05:08So I'm going to need plenty of...
05:10A carrel.
05:11Yeah.
05:11I got to find a Boost Mobile store.
05:13You know, it's too bad we won't have time to see the camel race.
05:16They're saying that Hamelul could be the next Al Misk.
05:19Plus, the day after Daylight Saving Time, you're all messed up.
05:23At one time, my mom brought in my breakfast an hour late like an idiot.
05:27So I just threw it on the floor and I said,
05:28Mom, if I wanted to eat this, I would have eaten it an hour ago.
05:32But it threw off my whole bathroom schedule
05:34and I ended up having to poop in a Sunoco bathroom.
05:36Can you believe that?
05:37Jonah, we have to expand to other issues that matter in our districts.
05:41To the working people of America.
05:43Oh, God.
05:44Snore.
05:44You know what we really need?
05:46A cool name.
05:48Libertonians.
05:49Says what we're about.
05:50No, it sounds like a gay a cappella group.
05:52I got it.
05:52The Beltway Boys.
05:54Jesus Christ, are you tag teaming this?
05:56Those are awful.
05:58I got it.
06:00How about the Jeffersons?
06:04It's pretty good, but it also, you know, this happens to be the name of...
06:07President.
06:08Yeah, that's exactly why I like it, Jaeger.
06:10Tommy J, he's not all played out like George Washington or Hamilton.
06:14Hamilton wasn't a president.
06:16Then why the fuck did they write a musical about him?
06:19No, he was our first Puerto Rican president.
06:21Aul.
06:22The Washingtons.
06:23No, I am the white Hamilton of the Jeffersons and that's our name.
06:27To the Jeffersons.
06:28To the Jeffersons.
06:30That's right, nobody's gonna keep us down because we are moving on up.
06:34The Capitol Hills.
06:36Or should I say...
06:36Stop, no.
06:37The Capitol Hills.
06:39Goddammit, shut up.
06:40Hey, what do you think of my tie?
06:42I designed it myself.
06:44I call it Yoloha.
06:45It's a combination of Yolo and Aloha.
06:48Well, Buzzy, I think it's rad.
06:50Which is a combination of retarded and sad.
06:53Getting soft, Danny boy.
06:54Keep it tight for Jane.
06:57Okay, first of all, I never miss a glutes day.
06:59And second of all, everyone, Jane and I are not...
07:02Ah, forget it.
07:04Honestly, if you fucked in front of us, it would be more dignified.
07:07Ah, like gorillas at the zoo.
07:08Fuck you, Buzzy.
07:09Hey, Stevie, look, man.
07:11I can't take it anymore, dude.
07:12I'm sorry about the temperature.
07:13Jane just thinks the cold makes her and Bree's nipples pop more,
07:16and she's not wrong.
07:17No, man, look, I'm talking about Jane.
07:20All right, the constant ass-grabbing.
07:21It's like sexual harassment.
07:23Yeah, and what do you want me to do about it?
07:24You're the producer of the show, man.
07:26Ask for this, okay?
07:27You're gonna cut it out.
07:28Hey, boys.
07:29Hey, morning, Bree.
07:29Hey, Bree, that's a lovely top.
07:31Ah, thanks, Dan.
07:33Yeah.
07:34I'll get it down by another three degrees.
07:36Yoloha.
07:38We're back in ten.
07:40Hi, handsome.
07:41Hello, pretty.
07:43Ah, it's nice and chilly in here.
07:45We are back in three.
07:51Hello.
07:52Oh, I like your puffy hairdo.
07:56Oh, my goodness.
07:57Is this for me?
07:58Thank you, darling.
07:59Do we have a photographer?
08:01Because I don't want to do this again.
08:02I'll get a picture of this.
08:04It's very sweet and thoughtful of you.
08:06I don't know what this is.
08:08Is it something that you eat?
08:09Or is it something you already ate?
08:12You know, ma'am, back in America,
08:13people are always telling me to go back to Africa.
08:15I'm actually glad I did, because it's magical out here.
08:18Yeah.
08:18Look at you, a beautiful Western woman
08:21helping out world sufferers in a stunning Gucci skirt.
08:25I know.
08:25It's actually sort of like a Vogue shoot.
08:27It really is.
08:28Okay, watch out.
08:29Oh, shit.
08:31I got a surprise for you.
08:32What?
08:33When you're surrounded by landmines,
08:35you're just like Princess Di.
08:37What would a better nose look like?
08:38Oh, stop it.
08:39You are.
08:40Okay, you know what?
08:41Why don't you just go ahead, though?
08:43That's, yep.
08:44Yeah, good idea.
08:44You go ahead.
08:45We'll be right behind you.
08:46Yeah.
08:47You know what?
08:47We should back up a tad.
08:49Back up, kids.
08:50Gary, be careful, because I've got a lot of valuable stuff
08:53in that bag.
08:54Congressman is out at the moment.
08:55The Wisconsin delegation was giving out cheese curds.
08:59He actually slipped on the rug,
09:00hightailing it out of here.
09:01Listen, I'm 15 votes shy on the DOT appropriations bill.
09:05It's crucial to our nation's transportation system
09:08that Dayton Municipal Airport isn't shut down.
09:10These small commuter airports are our country's lifeblood.
09:14I'm assuming you fly direct into Dayton.
09:17Every other Friday.
09:18Congressman Farrella?
09:19Hey, did you get your curds, little Miss Muffless?
09:22You know, Will here can't eat cheese.
09:24What happens when you eat cheese, Will?
09:26I go poo-poo in my panty-wanties.
09:29No, you fucking idiot.
09:30With the pinky.
09:31With the pinky.
09:33Do it again.
09:34What happens when you eat cheese, Will?
09:38I go poo-poo in my panty-wanties.
09:41No, they were out of curds before I got there.
09:43Put Wisconsin at the top of my shit list.
09:45You want me to bump Sammy Hagar?
09:47Make him one A and one B.
09:49All right, I need you and your buddies
09:50from the Island of Misfit Toys.
09:52Isles.
09:54To vote for my airport bill.
10:01Listen, you need something from me.
10:03Oh no, it understands.
10:05So that means I get something from you.
10:07You are going to invite me to dinner at your house
10:09or I am going to fuck all your shit up.
10:12And you're gonna make me the paella.
10:14You play with the paella?
10:16Mrs. Furlong is only interested in hosting married couples
10:19and you and your imaginary dragon don't count.
10:22I'm coming too.
10:23Whoa, what's this?
10:24The fourth horse face of the apocalypse?
10:27Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex,
10:29just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition.
10:33This is Shawnee Tanns, daughter of Sherman Tanns.
10:37Ah, Miss Tanns.
10:39Rumors of your beauty have not been exaggerated.
10:42Yeah, he's bringing me to dinner.
10:44We're engaged.
10:46Wait, what, we are?
10:48There's a ring on hold at Tiffany's.
10:50Pick it up by six, it's already paid for.
10:52Fine, dinner my house.
10:54Won't one of you please bathe and dress him?
10:56I call dress.
10:57Sorry, Kent.
10:58Mazel tov.
10:59Thanks, Will.
11:00Babe, this is so exciting.
11:02I know, can you believe it?
11:03Yay.
11:04Good things happen to good people.
11:08So where are you taking us?
11:10Do we have a house arrest address or what?
11:13I'd love me some house arrest.
11:14You kidding me, Mike?
11:16You look like an old dyke in an English gardening show.
11:19Oh, here we go.
11:21Madam President.
11:22Hey.
11:23Madam President.
11:24I thought you weren't allowed outside.
11:26She hasn't been released, has she?
11:27Can't go past the goat.
11:29Come.
11:29Okay.
11:30This goat has an ear infection.
11:32Nyring, your courage is an inspiration to the world.
11:37And so I give you this peace lily as a symbol of your brave stand for freedom.
11:43Oh, and for peace, too.
11:45It needs to be watered twice daily.
11:47We have no water here.
11:50Oh, well, that's fine.
11:51We can just put it with the recycling.
11:53That's right.
11:54That is my bed.
11:56Well, wow, that's a cozy bed.
11:58Come, let me serve my American visitors tea
12:02while over half the Sudanese suffer in starvation.
12:06She's kind of a bitch, so.
12:08Well, the girl is slow with the tea.
12:10Okay, I will sit.
12:12Thank you very much.
12:13Oh, my.
12:14Look at those curtains.
12:16Where can I get those?
12:18I made them for my husband's death shroud.
12:20Oh, look at you.
12:21What a touching tribute, Nyring.
12:23No, it was a purposeful desecration that a man who beat and raped me.
12:28Well, they go with everything.
12:30Oh, don't call us a liar.
12:32The oppression of women has been growing year after year.
12:34Absolutely.
12:35And that is why this photo opportunity is so vital.
12:38It sends a potent message.
12:40Potent.
12:41Potent, indeed, to the world to topple the patriarchy.
12:46Yes.
12:47How do we do that?
12:50Well, we are going to figure that out.
12:51You know, I think we have to do.
12:53I'm sorry.
12:55There seems to be a problem with the plane.
12:57What?
12:58You know that little animal that Nathan Lane plays in The Lion King?
13:02Oh, I love that guy.
13:04So three of those got caught in the engine.
13:06Oh.
13:06Do we know anybody with a plane in this neck of the woods?
13:11Jafar, thank you so much for sending your giant, giant plane.
13:16Oh, no, no, please.
13:17A beautiful woman lost in the desert with only a small group of complete incompetence to assist her.
13:22Yeah, they really are incompetent, aren't they?
13:24I've never seen anything quite like it, frankly.
13:26How do you do it?
13:26I'm going to let them all go, actually.
13:28You know, I was very pleased to receive your call.
13:32Oh, really? Why was that?
13:33Well, there have been some interesting developments in Sudan
13:36ever since that photo came out of you and the warlord.
13:40You know, Sudan has significant deposits of chromium ore,
13:44gallium, zinc, as well as other natural resources.
13:47Let me guess.
13:48Resources another country might be desperate to get their hands on.
13:53Perhaps even your friends in China.
13:56Beautiful and brilliant.
13:58Well, I remember you Qataris are very wet-fingered.
14:02You have no idea.
14:06You know, you don't have to go so soon.
14:08I bet you say that to all your Western heretics.
14:12We could just discuss registering cargo ships in Panama.
14:16Well, I think Liberia would be better for tax reasons.
14:19Yes, ma'am.
14:20Can you help me unzip the zipper?
14:22Cool.
14:23Hey, Dan, can we talk to you for a moment?
14:25Yeah, what's up?
14:26Hi, Mr. Egan. I'm Roberta Winston.
14:29I work in the Department of Human Resources here at CBS.
14:32I'm here to discuss the allegations of sexual harassment.
14:36Okay, that wardrobe girl is crazy.
14:39No, no, no. That you made against Jane McCabe.
14:42What? Oh, whoa. I didn't mean...
14:46Mr. Egan, CBS policy requires that when a victim reports abuse,
14:50it sets in motion a chain of events that can result in the abuser's suspension
14:54or immediate termination.
14:56Oh, yeah, I'm cool with that.
14:58Danny, your expose on s'mores. It needs a stronger take.
15:04Oh, Christ.
15:05Excuse me. What is going on here?
15:08Excuse me, Ms. McCabe, but this is a private meeting.
15:11There are no private meetings at the CBS morning show without Jane McCabe.
15:16Well, Mr. Egan has filed a complaint that you have created
15:20a sexually inappropriate workplace environment.
15:22Yeah, Jane, they made me.
15:23Sexually inappropriate? You micro-dick weasel.
15:27You couldn't even fill my piss hole.
15:29Jesus, Jane, do you see how she talks to me?
15:31Ms. McCabe, this is a safe space.
15:33Oh, you ain't fucking people.
15:35I'm sorry, what?
15:36Oh, you're not the HR people.
15:38Ms. McCabe, let me advise you that any further statements...
15:41Let me advise you that I built this goddamn network with my own two tits.
15:45We aren't even fucking.
15:47Oh, how dare you?
15:49Ms. McCabe, everyone knows.
15:51Ma'am, the president of Egypt is expecting your call at 3 p.m.
15:54Okay, send his mistress a gift, maybe something from Neiman's.
15:58Oh, no, wait.
16:00Any department store that wasn't started by Jews.
16:02I will have to start one myself.
16:03Now, I'm gonna need a report on mineral rights in Sudan.
16:07Okay.
16:08And I have to find out what's Qatari for morning after pill.
16:11Oh, my God.
16:12That's probably a stoning, which would also do the trick.
16:17Whoa, Mike, what happened?
16:19You look like the business end of a baboon.
16:22My ear tops burn the worst, too.
16:24But they're starting to peel, so soon they won't be as red.
16:27Be as red, be as red.
16:29What?
16:29You know, when I talk, I can hear my skin crunch make me want to eat cereal.
16:33Oh, Lord.
16:34Ma'am, are you sure that you want to go out on such a limb for Ambassador Jafar?
16:38Well...
16:39It says Qataris are very good at inserting themselves.
16:42You got that right.
16:43Be as red, be as red.
16:45Ma'am, what I'm trying to ask is...
16:46I know, you think I'm going a little too fast with this.
16:50I'm not.
16:51No.
16:51No.
16:52Amy, for the first time in a long time, I feel like myself.
16:56Or, you know, at least the person I'm supposed to feel like.
17:01Anyway, the only question that I do have is, do you think that I can be dating someone who's...
17:07So much younger?
17:08No.
17:09Muslim.
17:10Right.
17:11You know?
17:12Can I be with one of them?
17:15It would be political suicide.
17:17Oh, okay.
17:18Last time I checked, my political career had answered a Craigslist ad for a modeling shoot
17:24in the Angeles National Forest.
17:26The Egyptians are in.
17:27All China has to do is throw in a few hundred FN-6 missiles, and this deal is Mao Zedong, baby.
17:35Those Sphinx fuckers really love them some Chinese take-off.
17:38I'll let the Algerians know it's on.
17:40All right.
17:40This is what the Arab Spring was all about.
17:42Arms deals and the exploitation of third world resources.
17:47Ah, here's the Chinese.
17:50Look, even their blinker is on.
17:52Selena, my good friend.
17:54Somebody's been using their Rosetta Stone CDs.
17:57Come, let's head inside.
17:59Yeah, kind of a dicey neighborhood.
18:00You better lock up your chopper.
18:03How are you doing?
18:04Pretty good.
18:05Listen, it's also essential to the Egyptians that the Israelis can't know.
18:09Maybe they're listening right now.
18:15So, do we have a deal?
18:17There is one more thing.
18:18I want Tibet.
18:20We gave you Tibet.
18:21Yeah, you gave Montez Tibet.
18:24You gave me yak shit.
18:26You infuriating woman.
18:28Oh yeah, you're all rainbows and sunshine.
18:30But unless you're planning on knitting your semiconductors out of bamboo shoots and panda
18:36cock, you're going to need every ounce of gallium you can get in Sudan.
18:39Well, there are other sources.
18:41Rats are up with that.
18:42What's going to happen when your honorable citizens can't put their Kung Pao chicken
18:47on the table and start to question this communist, capitalist shit swirly you've been serving
18:52up?
18:53You must really crave public acknowledgments.
18:56Oh yeah, and you must really crave a 6.7 GDP growth.
19:03Deal.
19:04Fantastic.
19:06Madam President, always a pleasure.
19:08Always a pleasure.
19:09Thank you, Lou.
19:13Confucius say, fuck yeah.
19:17We must celebrate, huh?
19:18Come on.
19:19Isn't this a rush or what?
19:22Don't you feel it?
19:23I just want a tiny, tiny bit.
19:24I don't want this whole evening to go all Natalie Wood on me.
19:28Come here, you.
19:29Wait a minute, what is this?
19:30What?
19:34Morning when U.S. President Laura Montez flew directly to Sudan from the G7 summit to meet
19:40with her in person.
19:42Hammond H. Christ, that's my dissident.
19:44I am honored to introduce the world to Nya Ring.
19:48What?
19:49And to present her with these flowers.
19:51President Montez did, however, face a wave of criticism in America for what was seen
19:56as a missed opportunity to directly address the issue of women's rights abuses in sub-Saharan.
20:03You know what I'm going to do?
20:04What?
20:05I'm going back to motherfucking Sudan.
20:07Oh, but you were just there, aren't you?
20:09Absolutely.
20:09And I'm going to say what Titty Gonzalez was too chicken shit to say.
20:14Selina Meyer is going to be all about women empowerment.
20:18Now, I want voting rights.
20:20I want equal pay.
20:22No more stoning of the rapee.
20:24Let's stone the raper.
20:26I suppose you'll be needing my plane.
20:28Pretty please?
20:29Oh, when you say it like that.
20:32Hey, I want to say something about my paella.
20:36Now, it is so good.
20:37When you taste it, what's going to happen, Will?
20:40You're going to want to take it to a church and marry it, Rog.
20:43Damn straight.
20:44Look, Roger.
20:45It's a dollar in the square jar.
20:47Ah, crud.
20:48That's two dollars.
20:49Potty mouth, potty mouth, Roger.
20:52Ah, Julie points out that to be a true Valenciana,
20:55one must add live snails just as the water comes to a boil.
20:59Still, respect.
21:01Hey, wait, before we dig in, I'd like to make a toast to our honored guest, Joan.
21:06And his stunning bride-to-be.
21:08And all their gracious help with my airport bill.
21:13Cheers.
21:14You know, Roger, I've been thinking that
21:16for somebody who has been so helpful on your bill,
21:19I should probably have a better office
21:21than the fifth floor of the Cannon Building, don't you think?
21:26Well, that's interesting.
21:28Yeah, well, this actually is pretty interesting.
21:32Hey, Joan, why don't you and I go down in the wine cellar
21:34and pick out another bottle of wine?
21:36What do you say, champ?
21:37No, I'm good.
21:38Ah, it'll just take a minute.
21:39No, I think I'm fine.
21:40Just fine right here.
21:41This is so delicious.
21:44Shh, please, don't ruin the story, okay?
21:46Jiminy crickets.
21:47Guess who forgot to cut up oranges for the sangria?
21:50This gal.
21:51Right here.
21:53Wackadoo.
21:54What?
21:55I tell ya, if her crucifix wasn't around her neck, she'd lose it.
21:58You know, I can help you back there.
21:59No, no, no, no.
22:00You stay seated.
22:01Enjoy.
22:02No, please don't go.
22:03Thanks, honey.
22:04All right, you anal fistula, we had a deal.
22:06In return for all this creamy domesticity, I'm blowing all over your droopy tits.
22:10Well, now I want a new office.
22:13And I want Rihanna to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out.
22:17But guess what?
22:18That's about as likely to happen as Will's wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of uterus.
22:23Jesus Christ.
22:24Why did you tell him that?
22:25It's a polyp.
22:26I just had to tell somebody.
22:27I would sooner gouge out your eye and fuck your skull from here to the end of time.
22:34That's what we're promised.
22:35That Jesus is our Lord.
22:37Hallelujah.
22:38Amen, Dad.
22:39That is just so moving.
22:42Sorry I missed that.
22:43I love that too.
22:44Jonah has called an early breakfast meeting of the Jeffersons on Tuesday morning.
22:48Wait, I have?
22:50Come on, how are you?
22:51And if he has to walk down five flights of stairs, he might get so tired that he forgets
22:57to tell them how to vote on your airport bill.
22:59I can just write it on my hand.
23:00Shh.
23:02We don't want that.
23:03Do we?
23:06Say, Jonah, how about I start looking for that new office for you first thing tomorrow?
23:12Thank you, Roger.
23:13Well, congratulations, honey.
23:16All right, I'm ready for it.
23:18Can I please have some more wine?
23:20Mike, come on.
23:21What is this?
23:22Ma'am, it's the only sunscreen I could find here.
23:24You look like the world's least fucked geisha.
23:28Oh, Nairin!
23:29I am back.
23:30You are back.
23:30President Montez gave it to you.
23:32Oh, I had not heard that.
23:34She has such wonderful hair.
23:36Oh, luxurious.
23:39Um, but I did bring you a gift.
23:43And...
23:44Your countrymen have sent thousands of flowers.
23:46Now they rot in the heat.
23:48Many have fallen ill.
23:49There has been one death.
23:50Oh, okay.
23:54Everyone, I'm so honored to be here.
23:57Nairin, I have come to do what President Montez did not do.
24:02I will speak on behalf of our sisters.
24:10Yes, absolutely.
24:12All right, um, I'll just give a little toss right there.
24:18Oh, thank you.
24:20What happened to the little girl who served us tea?
24:23I don't see her.
24:25Well, she was married to the village elder.
24:27Saturday.
24:28Well, please send along my congratulations.
24:32How did you get me such a great speaking slot so last minute?
24:35It's an Arab conference on human rights.
24:37You can pretty much have any slot you want.
24:39Yeah.
24:39After the men, of course.
24:40Right.
24:41Ma'am, here's your speech.
24:42Sorry about the hummus stains.
24:44Oh, my God.
24:46What happened?
24:47Turns out it wasn't zinc oxide.
24:49I was wearing cocoa butter.
24:50You look like redheaded bacon.
24:52Okay.
24:54This is very strong stuff.
24:57Thank you, ma'am.
24:58NuvaRing is gonna dig this a lot.
25:00It's annoying.
25:02Ma'am, I'm just so optimistic about the world we're creating for your coming grandchild.
25:06Wait, what?
25:07Gavin's pregnant.
25:08Ma'am, do you prefer Graham Graham or Meemaw?
25:12What did you say?
25:12Madam President, may I have a word, please?
25:15Yeah, hey.
25:17Hey, did you see those paparazzi shots of us in the Daily Mail?
25:20Those scummy, sucking vultures got some really good shots of us.
25:24And so?
25:25Yes?
25:26Colonel Alsala is here.
25:28What?
25:29They let a warlord into a human rights conference?
25:33He's actually one of the sponsors.
25:35But anyway, the point is, any sort of strong speech where you're condemning or
25:39embarrassing his record on female rights, it might just scuttle the deal.
25:43So maybe you could just focus on some of the more positive elements of Sudan.
25:47Yeah, and what are the positive elements?
25:49You're getting credit for Tibet.
25:55All right, let me just talk to my people.
26:03You got any people I could talk to?
26:12Good afternoon, gentlemen and lady.
26:19I rise today to consider, in the most open-minded of ways, the situation in Sudan.
26:32Women's rights are human rights.
26:35And human rights are part of a diverse patent of different priorities.
26:47While there has been some very positive progress, there are some practices, however,
26:53that require a firm stance, such as female genital mutilation.
27:02And our stance must be, who are we to judge?
27:10Don't we, in the United States, we practice male circumcision.
27:15We practice male circumcision on boys as young as tiny babies.
27:21So, glass houses.
27:26And I would also add that it really does help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases,
27:33as well as certain types of cancer.
27:36And female circumcision, I'm sure you have your reasons.
27:44And so, we look forward to a bright future.
28:02All right, you can open your eyes, Congressman.
28:07Fuck yeah!
28:09I can legislate the shit out of shit in here.
28:13Could you tell the Colossus of Chodes that this is the exact same goddamn office,
28:18only three floors down, with a shittier view?
28:21Oh, I have never seen a shitty view look so good.
28:24You know what I see?
28:25I see power.
28:26Oh, hey, Ken.
28:28There's a sweet-ass armchair in the dumpster out there.
28:30I'll get it.
28:31Hello, Bent.
28:32Come on, Jonah.
28:33Let's christen your new pad.
28:35I'm gonna drink some sham-pizzle and eat some poon-tizzle.
28:38No, you're not.
28:39Oh, babe, wait until you see the sweet new armchair I just bought.
28:42Second goddamn floor, I can't even commit suicide.
28:45Well, I got a key to the roof.
28:46We could do a Butch Sundance.
28:47Nah, I'll just wait for cancer.
28:50Your hat looks like it's handmade.
28:52I have a lesbian daughter who would absolutely love that.
28:56Oh, Lou, how are we doing?
28:59Seriously, you know what?
29:00You really don't have to translate.
29:01Lou and I have—
29:01I don't have time to talk to you right now.
29:06President Lou says thank you for all your nothing.
29:15Who went pee-pee in his Coke?
29:16I'm sorry, Selena.
29:17The deal's off.
29:19But my speech, I was—
29:20Colonel Asala felt that you could have been a bit more, uh, enthusiastic.
29:24What do I have to do?
29:25Pull out my clit and cut it off in front of everyone to get anything done in this world?
29:30As we say in Qatar, you know, you should never build your house in shifting sands.
29:34Okay, well, everything's built on sand here, so that doesn't make any sense at all.
29:38Look, the point is there will be other deals down the line for you, Selena.
29:41So, what's next, huh?
29:43Liberian refugee crisis might be sexy.
29:48What's going on?
29:49Selena, I'm sorry, but you know I can't be with someone like you.
29:52Like me?
29:53What do you mean?
29:54Like what?
29:55You know, white.
29:57One of them.
30:01Wow.
30:03Okay, that is racist.
30:05Is it?
30:06Oh, yeah.
30:07I don't see color.
30:09You know, to me, you're like white.
30:11Okay.
30:12I thought that we would be traveling around the world on your yacht,
30:16solving international crises, and—
30:18You know what?
30:19We will always have the yacht.
30:22But you just said we won't.
30:23I meant the memory of the yacht.
30:26You know, my father saw our paparazzi pictures.
30:29He was not pleased.
30:32That's not— I get it.
30:34I'm so sorry, Selena.
30:38But your dad wasn't pleased because he thought I was white, right?
30:42I mean, not because he thought there was any age difference between us,
30:45because there practically isn't one.
30:48Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:48It was just the white thing.
30:51He also thought you might be Jewish.
30:53Well, I'm not.
30:58It's 8.50 a.m.
31:05And this is not easy, but this is going to be my last day
31:11as a regular part of the CBS morning show family.
31:16You will still be part of the CBS This Morning with Dan Egan family.
31:20Absolutely.
31:21I am so grateful to all of you who watched,
31:25and it's for you that I visited war zones and did that bungee jump.
31:31The undercover piece is a homeless woman.
31:33Yeah, you ate out of a dumpster.
31:35And I will continue to do those things with a series of specials
31:40that will be coming to you from our digital platforms.
31:44It's the future, right?
31:46I tried my damnedest, but this world is just—
31:50it's full of snakes and snares and—
31:54Okay.
31:55I hope that you will wish me well.
31:57I'm sorry for the showers.
31:59Aloha, Buzzy.
32:04Our main Jane.
32:05Come here.
32:07This is not goodbye, okay?
32:09Not by a long shot.
32:10No.
32:11Well, that's goodbye.
32:12Yeah.
32:13And we'll see you bright and early Monday morning
32:15when our own Bri Ramachandran is going to take a look at the darker side of S'mores.
32:20Don't want to miss that.
32:21Nope.
32:22Bye now.
32:24I just can't take this.
32:27I took the election loss.
32:29I took Andrew's infidelity.
32:32Catherine's Catherine-ness.
32:35Are there any questions?
32:36The congressman will not be taking any questions.
32:38The congressman will not be taking any questions.
32:41Birth gender isn't even that relevant.
32:43She, he will decide her, his ideal gender when she, he is already.
32:46Okay.
32:46Is that how we're talking now, Marjorie?
32:48Like some sort of bicurious, quirky pig?
32:52Bida, bida, bida.
32:53I'm not doing that.