Frasier Season 8 Episode 13 Sliding Frasiers
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00:00Alright, if you must know, I'm just about to leave for something called a speed date.
00:08Oh, what's a speed date?
00:10Well, apparently it's the latest thing.
00:12Twelve men and twelve women get together in a room.
00:16They spend eight minutes talking to one another and then they move on to the next person after a bell rings.
00:21Basically, it's all the stress and humiliation of a blind date times twelve.
00:28Wow, talk about desperate.
00:34So what brought this on?
00:36I don't know, I'm just so tired of being surrounded by happy couples.
00:41I just thought I should do something a bit more proactive.
00:45You wouldn't be talking about Niles and Daphne, would you?
00:48Well, among others. Believe me, no one could be happier for Niles than I.
00:51But there are days when his lovesick swain act wears the tiniest bit thin.
00:56Hello, all.
01:06Notice anything different?
01:09I like it.
01:11Thank you. I've never worn an undergarment in public before.
01:15Is that my sweater?
01:17Oh, yes, here. What's the emergency?
01:19Well, actually, I'm going out this evening and I was thinking about changing my attire.
01:24While the suit projects a certain professionalism, you know, Dr. Frasier Crane,
01:30I was thinking perhaps the sweater would impart a more casual feel.
01:36Just Frasier. Any thoughts?
01:40So I bet you and Daphne have a big Valentine's Day planned.
01:43Oh, yes. She's cooking dinner for me and then I've arranged a big surprise.
01:47I'm flying her to Cancun for a long romantic weekend.
01:51Not bad.
01:53I'm whisking her to the airport in a limo filled with exotic orchids.
01:57You don't think that's too over the top, do you?
02:00No, I think that boat sailed with her T-shirt.
02:03Here's an idea. What if I put the sweater under the jacket?
02:06Then I'll get the best of both worlds.
02:08Honestly, Frasier, could you be more self-absorbed?
02:12Goodbye, Rose. If you want to know more about our trip, we'll have pictures on our website when we get back.
02:19For God's sake, Frasier, flip a coin.
02:22Look, Rose, I know this may seem like nothing to you,
02:25but the tiniest decision can shape your whole destiny.
02:29So which path should I follow?
02:33Sweater? Suit.
02:36Sweater? Suit.
02:39Sweater?
02:41Oh, just pick one.
02:43You're right. Okay.
02:46You're right. Okay. Fine.
02:49We'll go with the suit.
02:52You made the right choice.
02:54Wish me luck.
02:56Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me.
02:58Say, don't you work at KACL?
03:01Yes, I just started. Mike Schaefer.
03:04Oh, hi, Mike. Frasier Crane. Have you met Rose Doyle?
03:07No.
03:08Oh, you are new, aren't you?
03:13Can I buy you a cup of coffee?
03:16Oh, my God. Frasier, are you okay?
03:19Well, I...
03:21Gosh, I think I've wrenched my shoulder.
03:24Oh, I'm so sorry.
03:25Oh, it's all right.
03:27I'm taking you to the emergency room.
03:29Please, it's the least I can do.
03:30Oh, Frasier, I've got my car right outside. I'll take you.
03:33Rose, don't you have coffee waiting?
03:36I'm Frasier.
03:38Hi, I'm Monica.
03:41Oh, you must be from such a...
03:43What?
03:44No, not at all.
03:46For God's sake, Frasier, flip a coin.
03:49Look, Rose, I know this may seem like nothing to you,
03:52but the tiniest decision can shape your whole destiny.
03:57So, which path should I follow?
04:00Sweater?
04:02Suit.
04:03Sweater?
04:05Suit.
04:07Sweater?
04:08Oh, just pick one.
04:09All right, all right.
04:11You're right. Okay, fine.
04:13We'll go with the suit.
04:17No, no, the sweater.
04:20You made the right choice.
04:23Oh, my God.
04:25Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
04:27Oh, it's okay. No harm done.
04:31What a klutz.
04:34All right, Rose, wish me luck.
04:36Good luck.
04:38Mike Schaefer, looks like you're going to need another cup of coffee.
04:42Oh, yeah.
04:49You know, you're not the first guy I've sent to the emergency room.
04:53When I was ten, my brother fell off my handlebars and broke his foot.
04:57Then in art school, a pottery wheel got away from me
05:00and sort of rolled down some stairs,
05:02and I broke one guy's knee and another guy's hip.
05:06I suppose after that, you went on a kiln spree.
05:11Yes.
05:12Yeah, I guess you can say I've broken more than my share of bones.
05:16And more than your fair share of hearts, I'm sure.
05:21I don't know about that.
05:27Roger, I'm so sorry about your arm.
05:29I hope I haven't ruined your plans.
05:31No, actually, I didn't have anything special planned.
05:35Hey, have you heard about that new pirate movie?
05:38It's rated R.
05:45Yes, that's, uh, that's very droll.
05:49Get it? R.
05:51Yes, I do.
05:54That's sort of my test joke, you know, to see if a guy's cool or not.
05:58Can you believe you're the first guy I hear who laughed?
06:02I mean, but can't you just see it?
06:04A pirate walks into a movie theater.
06:06He's got his eye patch and his peg leg.
06:10Oh, boy, that did not feel like eight minutes.
06:14Indeed it did not.
06:24Hey, Farage, how'd that speed date thing go?
06:29Could not have been worse.
06:31That's nice.
06:35You're not listening, Dad.
06:37Oh, I'm sorry, son.
06:40Oh, do you got any phone numbers?
06:42No, but if I ever want to track any of them down, I can always write them.
06:48Care of the bottom of the barrel.
06:55That's too bad.
06:58Oh, oh, hi, Jeff. Here, let me help you with that.
07:00Oh, thank you, Dr. Farage.
07:02Yes, of course.
07:03You're really loading up, aren't you?
07:05It's for Niles's Valentine's dinner.
07:07Oh, that's not until next week.
07:09I know, but it's a complicated recipe.
07:11I need time to practice.
07:13You two are going to be my guinea pigs.
07:16Maybe we could fake our own deaths.
07:21Daphne, are you planning on using cumin in this recipe?
07:26Yeah, the recipe calls for lots of it.
07:28Lord, Niles is terribly allergic to cumin.
07:31Oh, dear.
07:33And you're about the scallops and the nutmeg,
07:36the oat bran, wheat germ, carrot, parchment mites.
07:41Yes, yes, I know.
07:42He tried wearing an allergy tag, but his neck was too weak to support it.
07:52Did you see that?
07:53A character in this movie just dialed the phone,
07:56and at the exact same time our phone rang.
07:59It's like Montgomery Clift is calling me.
08:03Yes, that's fascinating, Jeff.
08:06Hello?
08:07Oh, hey, Niles.
08:10No, she can't hear.
08:13Oh, jeez.
08:16I don't know about that.
08:20Well, all right, if it means that much to you, I'll do it.
08:24All right, bye.
08:28That was your brother.
08:30He wants me to pack a suitcase for Daphne for the trip to Cancun.
08:35Now I'm going to have to go through her unmentionables.
08:40I wonder if I'll ever see another unmentionable.
08:45Oh, come on, Frasier, it was just one bad date.
08:49It was 12 bad dates.
08:53And 100 before that.
08:56I'm through with love.
09:00I'll never call again.
09:02It's going to be like this all night, aren't you?
09:06It breaks my heart to see him like this.
09:09Fortunately, I can't see him from McGinty's.
09:17Fras, how'd the speed date thing go?
09:21Actually, I didn't go, Dad. I went to the hospital instead.
09:24Oh, that's nice.
09:29Dad, you're not listening.
09:31Oh, well, I'm sorry, son.
09:35What happened? Are you all right?
09:36Well, actually, I tripped and sprained my shoulder,
09:39but I'm actually feeling no pain because I met a beautiful young woman.
09:44Oh, is she a nurse?
09:46No, she's the girl that tripped me.
09:48Her name is Monica. She's a commercial artist.
09:51She's as cute as a button, and she's a danger to herself and others.
09:56Oh, hi, dear.
09:57Could you give me a hand here?
09:59Well, I would, except I sprained my shoulder.
10:02A bullet in the hip.
10:07You still have one good arm, Dr. Crane.
10:09The doctor told me to take it easy.
10:14Oh, I met a girl today.
10:17So did she.
10:24You know what? It might be a bit soon, but I think I'm going to give Monica a call.
10:30Did you see that?
10:32The character in this movie just dialed the phone,
10:35and at the exact same time, our phone rings.
10:38It's like Montgomery Cliffs calling me.
10:41Say hello to him for me.
10:44Hello.
10:45Oh, hey, Niles.
10:47No, she can't hear.
10:51Oh, geez, I don't know about that.
10:55Hi, Monica.
10:57Yeah, uh, injured anybody lately?
11:01Really?
11:05No, I was calling because I thought maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night.
11:09I don't know, maybe we could meet at Cafe Nervosa around 7 and go from there.
11:15Wonderful.
11:17Great, I'll see you tomorrow.
11:20Good night.
11:24She said yes?
11:26Hey, tomorrow night, I have a date with an angel.
11:31Oh, you're going to be like this all night, aren't you?
11:35McGinty's?
11:36He's way ahead of you.
11:43So we had dinner again Thursday night, and then again on Friday.
11:46She had plans with her parents on Saturday, so to keep our streak alive,
11:50I actually sent her a videotape of me eating and talking into the camera.
11:56That's cute.
11:58You don't think it's a little too much?
11:59No, if you like her, go for it.
12:01So how are things with Mike?
12:03He's good.
12:04He's taking me to the Heart Association benefit on Valentine's Day.
12:06Oh, I'm going, too.
12:08You know, Ross, I think this is a first.
12:10You and I in happy relationships at the same time.
12:14Hi, Ross.
12:16Hi, Frazier.
12:17How's your head?
12:18Oh, it's better, actually.
12:19My peripheral vision's coming back.
12:22I'm so sorry.
12:24Listen, everyone at work is talking about the beautiful flowers you sent me.
12:30When you see what's coming next, you won't be able to thank me in public.
12:34Frazier, I hate to break it to you, but you don't have to keep sending me flowers and poetry.
12:39You officially have my attention.
12:44I'm going to get some coffee.
12:45Oh, let me get that for you.
12:47No, you're sweet, but I think I can get my own coffee.
12:53It's like all that hard work you've been doing is paying off.
12:56Well, I'm not about to let up now.
12:58I never want her to feel as if she's being taken for granted.
13:01Wow.
13:02You're giving Niles a run for his money.
13:04Oh, please.
13:05In the great golden book of love, Niles will be a mere footnote to my glorious saga.
13:13I'm going to take his ball and run it to the end zone.
13:16Is that a thing?
13:17Yes.
13:18Good.
13:29Oh, come on, Frazier.
13:31You've been moping around here all week.
13:33Why don't you join me at McGinny's?
13:35It's crazy there on Valentine's Day.
13:38Last year, McGinny hired this fat guy in a diaper to run around shooting a bow and arrow at people.
13:46No, no, wait.
13:47That might have been the Super Bowl.
13:51You had me right up until diaper day.
13:55You guys, you guys, you guys, you have to see this.
13:58Look, Daphne has sauce on her nose.
14:01Is that the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life?
14:05Wait, wait, wait.
14:06Let me get it.
14:08Oh.
14:10You've got some on your nose.
14:14Are you ticklish?
14:16All right, all right.
14:17Trish, Trish, wait.
14:18I was going to wait until after dinner to tell you this, but I can't.
14:23In three hours, you and I are going to be on a plane to Cancun.
14:29Oh, I barely have time to pack.
14:32That's all right.
14:33I'm taking care of it.
14:34Dad packed a bag for you.
14:35Oh, Mr. Crane.
14:39I've never been this happy in my life.
14:41I'm happier than you are.
14:43Excuse me.
14:44Somebody's trying to wash behind the music here.
14:52Oh.
14:54Hi, Ross.
14:56No.
14:57No, I'm not going to the benefit.
15:01Yeah, I'll bet she's got a great personality.
15:04Yes, well, thanks anyway, Ross.
15:06Listen, you have a good time.
15:07All right.
15:08Good night.
15:09Ross finding you a date for tonight?
15:11Yeah.
15:12She's going with some guy that lives in the building.
15:14He's got a sister.
15:15You ought to go.
15:16Beats hanging around here feeling sorry for yourself.
15:19Dad, please.
15:21The only thing worse than a blind date would be a blind date on Valentine's Day.
15:25Okay?
15:26Can't imagine a worse way to spend the evening.
15:29Oh.
15:30Oh.
15:31Oh.
15:32Oh.
15:33Oh.
15:34Oh.
15:35Oh.
15:36Oh.
15:37Oh.
15:38Oh.
15:39Oh.
15:40Oh.
15:41Oh.
15:42Oh.
15:43Oh.
15:44Oh.
15:45Oh.
15:46Oh.
15:47Oh.
15:48Oh.
15:49Oh.
15:51It is now 7.45.
15:53At this precise moment, she should be receiving a jeroboam of chilled champagne.
15:59You're really laying it on thick, aren't you?
16:02Oh, God, Dad, you don't know the half of it.
16:04This morning, she was awakened by a string quartet on her porch.
16:08And then when Monica arrived at her office, there were seven dozen roses on her desk.
16:14A dozen for every day that I've known her.
16:17I'm sorry.
16:19What happened?
16:20He's having some kind of reaction to the sauce.
16:22Did you put scallops in it?
16:24No.
16:25Nutmeg?
16:26No.
16:27Ginger?
16:28No.
16:29Carob?
16:30No.
16:31Cumin?
16:32Maybe.
16:33Oh, this is a disaster.
16:35We have reservations to fly to Cancun tonight.
16:38Really?
16:39Well, we can't go now.
16:41I can't possibly sit still in a plane for five hours with this rash you've given me.
16:46Oh, no, I was pleased a little mistake disturbed the most magical evening of...
16:50Oh, the whole weekend is ruined!
16:52Well, I said I was sorry.
16:54Well, I even had Dad pack a bag for you.
16:57You did what?
16:58You let him go through my things.
17:00How could you?
17:03I'm sorry.
17:04I was trying to do something nice for our first Valentine's Day.
17:08Well, what do you think I was trying to do?
17:10Now I'm going to have to spend the whole night rubbing lotion all over you.
17:19I'm sorry I yelled at you.
17:25You have sauce on your nose.
17:27Let me get it.
17:28Oh, you've got some on your neck.
17:30Let me get it.
17:36Oh, hi, Roz.
17:37Hi.
17:38Say, where's Mike?
17:39Oh, he's parking the car.
17:41Monica, what a gorgeous corsage.
17:43Oh, thanks.
17:44It was a gift from Frazier, along with about a million roses.
17:48Hello, young lovers.
17:51Kenny, look at you.
17:53What can I say?
17:55Under this gruff exterior beats the heart of a true romantic.
17:59I just love love.
18:02So where's your wife?
18:04She had plans.
18:07Come on, Kenny, I'll buy you a drink.
18:09Great.
18:10Well, you know, why don't we sit down?
18:12Okay.
18:13Oh, God, let me.
18:15I was thinking that perhaps after the party we could take a carriage ride through the park
18:20and make our way to your place, where I believe there is a two-pound box of chocolate truffles waiting for you.
18:28Ah, two pounds.
18:29Yes.
18:30Wow.
18:31Yes, well, your sister told me that truffles were your favorite.
18:34You talked to Cheryl?
18:36Oh, I haven't talked to her in months.
18:38Well, you'll have your chance on Sunday.
18:40We're having dinner with her and Jack.
18:43There's a lot of people here.
18:45Oh, yes, of course, I understand.
18:53Hey, Frazier.
18:54Hi, Ros.
18:55Hi.
18:56Happy Valentine's Day.
18:57Same to you.
18:59This is my date, Robert.
19:00Hello.
19:01Nice to meet you.
19:02Nice to meet you, too.
19:03Listen, thanks for getting me out of the house, all right?
19:05I've been sitting there feeling sorry for myself long enough.
19:08Oh, that's the spirit.
19:10No, on the way over here, I was actually getting sort of excited about meeting somebody new.
19:15Here's my sister now.
19:16Oh.
19:19Oh, my God.
19:21Arr.
19:22Arr.
19:23Arr.
19:24Okay.
19:27Uh, wow, looks like you two already know each other.
19:30You even have your own language.
19:32It must be fate.
19:35Must be.
19:38Ah.
19:42For you.
19:43Oh.
19:44Another rose.
19:47Frazier, uh, I appreciate everything you're doing.
19:51The flowers, the carriage ride, the Love Is cartoons from the newspaper.
19:57Oh.
19:59It's just a drop in the ocean compared to what you deserve.
20:04Oh.
20:11That song was dedicated to Mr. and Mrs. Terry Krapetz, celebrating their 30th anniversary.
20:18Oh.
20:19Wow.
20:21That's so cute.
20:23Well, I'm glad to hear you say that.
20:26You wait right here.
20:28Okay.
20:32Good evening, everybody.
20:33I'm Dr. Frazier Crane.
20:37Normally, I deal with matters of the head.
20:40But tonight, I'd like to share what's in my heart.
20:45Monica, this is for you.
20:49Have I a hope or half a chance to even think that I could dance with you?
21:00Ooh, ooh.
21:04Would you greet me or politely turn away?
21:10Would there suddenly be sunshine on a cold and rainy day?
21:19Oh, babe, what would you say?
21:28Yes, oh, baby, I know.
21:31I know I could be so in love.
21:36Congratulations.
21:42And I know that I could make you love me, too.
21:50And if I could hear you say the words you do.
21:56Ooh, ooh.
22:01Well, anyway, what would you say?
22:10Frazier, we need to talk.
22:17Ouch.
22:24Don't get me wrong, Frazier.
22:26Everything you did was nice.
22:27It was just too much.
22:30I mean, you made me feel like a project and not a person.
22:34Well, I could tone things down.
22:36I mean, we could start fresh.
22:38How about lunch tomorrow?
22:40You see, I was going to say breakfast.
22:43I think I should go.
22:46I see.
22:47Well, you know what?
22:48I'll get my car.
22:49No, that's okay.
22:50I'm going to get my stuff and just take a cab.
22:52So, bye, Frazier.
23:00Are you okay?
23:02Oh, well, I'm humiliated.
23:06Frazier, nobody even noticed what happened.
23:09Ouch.
23:15Yeah, it's my own fault, isn't it?
23:18I guess I just saw what Niles had and I pushed too hard to get it for myself.
23:25Well, if it means anything, I thought what you did was terribly romantic.
23:31Well, maybe.
23:33Come on, let me walk you to your car.
23:35Oh, well, what about Mike?
23:37Oh, it'll only be a few minutes. He'll be fine.
23:43Oh, I'm sorry. I'm such a klutz.
23:46It's okay, really. It's fine.
23:48Well, let me get you another drink.
23:50Please, it's the least I can do.
23:52I guess that'll be okay.
23:53Okay.
23:54Mike.
23:56Monica.
23:59We now return to a repeat broadcast of The Best of Crane.
24:04Please do not call in.
24:06Before the break, we were talking to Phil, who's having trouble getting over a relationship.
24:11Phil, if you're listening, it might help to keep in mind the old adage,
24:17it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
24:22You do make a good point.
24:26What a load of crap.
24:30Let's go to our next call.
24:31Hi, this is Rachel. I just wanted to let you know I read that Thurber book you quoted from, and man, is he funny.
24:39Glad you liked it.
24:40I also have a confession to make. You know, I have a big crush on you.
24:46I'm flattered, Rachel, but I may get a policy not to date my callers.
24:51Well, if you ever change your mind, I'm the chef of the Columbia Street Grill.
24:56You should come by sometime.
24:59Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling. Toss salads and scrambled eggs.
25:26Mercy. And maybe I seem a bit confused. Well, maybe, but I got you pegged.
25:37But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:44They're calling again.
25:47Goodnight!