Frasier S06E20 Dr Nora
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00:00Pretty sure, was that the author, Dr. Gordon Edelstein?
00:04Yes.
00:05I wasn't aware that you knew him.
00:07Yes, well, we just met.
00:08You see, the station is hiring another call-in psychiatrist for a one-week trial period.
00:12They've asked me to choose among the finalists.
00:15Well, he'd be wonderful.
00:18I just finished his book on the victims of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
00:24Poor, tick-ridden devils.
00:27Well, Niles, before you take out your utensil shammy, I've got to tell you, I've got another
00:36interview in just a few minutes, all right, so it's going to be hard to talk, Dr. Edelstein.
00:41You say you're taking this rather well.
00:44What do you mean?
00:46Many people in your position would feel threatened at the thought of, well, another cat sharing
00:52the litter box.
00:55No flattering analogy aside, Niles, I take it as a tribute.
00:59Obviously, the station is so pleased with my show that they're looking for more of the
01:04same.
01:05Oh, you can hardly ask me to do another three hours.
01:07Imagine how exhausting that would be.
01:09Hmm, and for you as well.
01:13Anyway, moving on to me, what's the verdict?
01:20Verdict?
01:22On my new look, I must say you deserve some of the credit.
01:27Really?
01:28Oh, yes, you keep saying I should accept Daphne's relationship with Donnie and find a pair more
01:32of my own.
01:33Well, the hunt is on.
01:35I thought to bolster my self-esteem, I would adopt this ruffish new look.
01:42Well, it suits you.
01:47Stashing and yet understated and, oh, I give up, what are we talking about?
01:55My mustache.
02:02I graduate at an early stage.
02:04What stage?
02:05Research and development?
02:06Dr. Crane, Dr. Nora Fairchild.
02:10Oh, yes, of course, welcome.
02:13I can't tell you what a privilege this is.
02:15I listened to your show today and I was amazed.
02:20I hope that doesn't sound too fawning.
02:23Fawning is just fine.
02:25Fawning is fun.
02:27I hope I'm not interrupting another interview.
02:29No, no, this is my brother, Niles Crane, he was just about to leave.
02:32I should have known you two were brothers, the same superb fashion sense, the same refined
02:38yet masculine good looks.
02:42You must be so proud of your kid brother, the radio star.
02:47Well, yes.
02:49Congratulations on your new job.
02:51I hope you'll be very happy, Ocasio.
02:54Isn't that a bit premature?
02:56Oh, well, let's just say I know my little brother.
03:02Well, here's where it all happens.
03:09Dr. Nora, welcome, please come in.
03:12I see you've already met our crack station manager.
03:14Yes, and I want to thank you both for making me and my producer feel so welcome.
03:19Is everyone around here as friendly as you two?
03:21Well, hello there.
03:23Some are even friendlier.
03:28This is my producer, Roz Doyle.
03:31Dr. Nora, and this is my producer, George.
03:34Nice to meet you.
03:35Hello.
03:37Follow me and I'll give you the lay of the land.
03:43Let's just hope that's a figure of speech, not a sales pitch.
03:48Well, Nora, please, please do come in, make yourself at home.
03:53Here we are.
03:54Get settled in.
03:55Here's your headset.
03:56Of course, the phone lines, everything's pretty self-explanatory, cough button, on-air button.
04:03Listen, I want you to remember, it's all right to be nervous, but even my first show was
04:10a tad bumpy.
04:12Bumpy?
04:13It was a train wreck.
04:17Medic, we got incoming.
04:19Thank you, Kenny, as I recall, you weren't even here then.
04:22Oh, I got a tape of it from my secret Santa.
04:26Break a leg, Dr. Nora.
04:29I'll get out of your hair.
04:30Godspeed, Dr. Nora.
04:33What are you smirking about?
04:42Oh, gosh, it's just so much fun to have a protege.
04:45Do you see the way she behaves towards me?
04:47It's like a shy Japanese novelist bowing before her Frasier sensei.
04:53I feel a bow coming on myself.
04:56Could you pass me that wastebasket?
04:58Stop it.
04:59She's about to start.
05:01I just want to catch the beginning.
05:03Make sure she's got those first show jitters under control.
05:07All right, let's get right to our first caller.
05:09Whom do we have?
05:10We have Jenny from Tacoma on line one.
05:13Hello, Jenny.
05:14I'm Dr. Nora, and I'm here to help.
05:16Hi, Dr. Nora.
05:18My boyfriend and I have been living together for about two years.
05:21Are you having sex?
05:23Our sex life's not the problem.
05:25It's great, but whenever I mention marriage, he changes the subject.
05:30Do you think that he's afraid of commitment?
05:33No, that's not it.
05:34Let me help you see this from a different perspective.
05:37You're a whore, Jenny.
05:39A whore?
05:47You're sleeping with a man you're not married to.
05:49In my book, that's a whore.
05:50Well, I'm not a whore.
05:52I'm a, I'm a flight attendant.
05:54Oh, you think there's no overlap?
05:56Well, she's got her jitters under control.
06:03Wake up, Jenny.
06:05You have blown it.
06:06Dump this creep.
06:07Find a new guy, and until you're Mrs. New Guy,
06:10you keep those knees together, okay?
06:12Staple them.
06:16I don't care if you have to hop to the altar.
06:19God bless, honey.
06:21Who's next?
06:23Hello, Daphne.
06:26Hello.
06:33Notice anything?
06:37Oh, yes.
06:39Don't you look dashing.
06:41Blue really is your colour.
06:43Oh.
06:45Hold still, though.
06:46There's something on your lip.
06:53Oh, wait, it's some sort of hair.
07:00Actually, it's a moustache.
07:03Oh, yes, so it is.
07:06Still a bit on the wispy side.
07:10Yeah, puts me in mind of me Grammy moon.
07:15Or rather, it will do once it's grown in a bit.
07:18Turn on the radio.
07:20Something the matter?
07:21Just turn the radio on to KACL, please.
07:25Listen to me.
07:27You have a child.
07:29You think you have the right to get divorced
07:31just because you're tired of your husband?
07:34But he's gay.
07:36You picked him.
07:38You made a baby with him.
07:40Maybe you got him drunk.
07:41Maybe you dressed up as Antonio Banderas.
07:43I don't care.
07:44Just make it happen.
07:46Well, that's a bit harsh.
07:49Please.
07:50This is a woman who believes the Spanish Inquisition
07:53was just tough love for heretics.
07:59You know, we were listening to her
08:00while I was doing my exercises,
08:02and I don't think she's so bad.
08:04Excuse me?
08:05Well, it's nice to have someone
08:06stand up for old-fashioned values.
08:09Like sex.
08:10I mean, I'm no prude,
08:12but in my definition,
08:14I'm no prude,
08:15but in my day,
08:16sex was still something sacred and mysterious.
08:21Nowadays, you can't even turn on the television
08:23without hearing all this ooh-ooh-ah-ah stuff.
08:27Well, I think that explains
08:29our $90 cable bill this month.
08:40I liked her, too.
08:42She reminds me of my old mum.
08:45She'll point out every little flaw you've got,
08:48remind you of every mistake you ever made,
08:51tell you you're lazy,
08:53you'll never amount to anything,
08:54and no good man will ever have you.
08:57But it's just because she loves you.
09:02In fact, I think I'll give old mum a call.
09:06You know, if you hate her so much,
09:08why did you hire her?
09:09Well, I didn't know she was going to behave this way.
09:13She said all the right things at the interview.
09:16She certainly did.
09:19She complimented his clothes, his looks.
09:23She even pretended to think I was the older brother.
09:28Of course, the moustache may have clouded her judgment on that.
09:32She has a moustache?
09:38Well, like it or not,
09:41I am responsible for her being here.
09:44I'll just have to have a talk with her
09:46to sort of soften her approach a bit
09:48before she alienates her entire audience.
09:50I mean, really, people can tell the difference
09:52between constructive criticism and outright abuse.
09:55No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:59Constructive criticism and outright abuse.
10:02No, mum, my boyfriend hasn't dubbed me
10:05for someone prettier and smarter yet.
10:08She's such an old tease.
10:18Until tomorrow, then, this is Dr Fraser Crane.
10:25Ah, Dr Nora.
10:28Such a frosty tone. Is something the matter?
10:32I have just one question for you.
10:35What kind of vicious, judgmental,
10:37name-calling, machete-mouthed bitch are you?
10:45I was going for the less feisty version.
10:48I heard what you said to that single mother yesterday.
10:51For your information, I happen to be a single mom, too.
10:54That doesn't surprise me after watching you pounce
10:58on George like a Kodiak bear on a salmon.
11:03I've got to talk to Dr Nora before her show,
11:05and I'll just pencil in the hair-pulling for later, all right?
11:08All right. But this isn't over between us.
11:11If you want to, I'll take this out on the street.
11:15That would hardly be fair.
11:17You'd have the home-field advantage.
11:19No!
11:27Well, I don't even know where to begin.
11:30Save it. Whatever it is, I've already heard it.
11:33Dr Nora is mean. Dr Nora hurts people's feelings.
11:36Well, too bad. I'm not here to coddle people.
11:38I'm here to help them.
11:40Oh, really? And just how were you helping
11:42that poor, confused bisexual woman
11:44by calling her an equal-opportunity slut?
11:49You know, the worst thing about this
11:51is how you misrepresented yourself to get this job.
11:54You're hardly one to question my ethics.
11:56We both know you hired me
11:58because you hoped I might sleep with you.
12:01That thought never occurred to me.
12:03Now who's lying?
12:05You won't admit that, like most men,
12:07you leave all major decisions to your penis.
12:12Fortunately for Seattle, your penis chose right.
12:15It just didn't know why.
12:19Yes, well, you're just forgetting one thing, Dr Nora.
12:22You are here on my recommendation.
12:24You may consider it withdrawn.
12:26Hey, Dr Crane.
12:28Ah, Kenny, just the man I wanted to see.
12:30Dr Nora, don't hit me.
12:33I want to talk to you about Dr Nora's show.
12:35Yeah, well, get in line. The switchboard's been going nuts.
12:37I don't doubt it.
12:39They love you.
12:41Excuse me.
12:43Well, except for the ones that hate you.
12:45But either way, they're listening.
12:47Ten seconds.
12:49Thank you, Kenny. Now get out of my booth.
12:52Yes, ma'am.
12:56Kenny!
12:58You can't be serious about hiring that woman full-time.
13:01Putting that woman behind a microphone
13:03is like putting typhoid Mary in a kissing booth.
13:07I'm sorry, Doc. Ratings are ratings.
13:10Hello, Dr Nora.
13:12My name is Tom,
13:14and I have this co-worker
13:16who's driving me up the wall.
13:18What can I do about it?
13:20Not a thing, Tom.
13:22Not one damn thing.
13:34Nothing I ever do is good enough for her.
13:36I baked a cake for her birthday
13:38and she said it tasted like sawdust.
13:42I know she's my mother,
13:44but I can't shut her out of my life.
13:46Oh, Denise.
13:48Burning bridges solves nothing.
13:50I'd like to suggest that you seek
13:52family counseling
13:54to help you and your mother get to the root
13:56of some of these issues,
13:58provided your mother is willing to cooperate.
14:00If not, perhaps individual counseling would help.
14:02Will you stay on the line
14:04so Roz can give you some numbers?
14:06Okay. Thank you, Dr Crane.
14:08It's my pleasure.
14:10Well,
14:12I see through the glass
14:14that Dr Nora either disagrees with me
14:16or has just eaten a bad clam.
14:24I'm sure she'll tell us which
14:26when the Dr Nora show begins
14:28right after this traffic report
14:30from Chopper Dave.
14:36Okay, Denise, I've got some numbers for you.
14:38Do you have a pencil?
14:40Come on, Roz, hurry up.
14:42I want to get out of here
14:44before her trainer shows up
14:46with a bucket of live mice
14:48for her pre-show feeding.
14:50I'm sorry to cut you off, Chopper Dave,
14:52but we have a therapy emergency.
14:54Denise, are you still on?
14:56Yes.
14:58That's my caller!
15:00Denise, I want you to ignore
15:02everything Dr Crane just told you.
15:04I know a lot more about mothers
15:06Cut this woman out of your life.
15:08I don't believe this!
15:10You don't think that with counseling...
15:12Denise, when you have a tumor, what do you do?
15:14Do you sit it down and say,
15:16Hey, tumor, let's get along, okay?
15:18No, you take a knife
15:20and you cut it out.
15:22Well, Denise, your mother is a tumor.
15:26My heart bleeds for you
15:28because I have been there
15:30and I know how hard it is to look at your own mother's face
15:32and say bye-bye,
15:34you toxic harpy.
15:36You are not hurting me again.
15:38But that is what you have to do.
15:40I think maybe you're right.
15:42I'm always right.
15:44And you know what else?
15:46I bet your cake was yummy.
15:48God bless, honey.
15:52Who's next?
15:54We have Frasier from here.
15:56How dare you ambush Denise that way?
15:58Well, what a surprise.
16:00I dare to give one of Frasier's callers
16:02a second opinion
16:04and what does Frasier say?
16:06Ah!
16:08Ah!
16:10Ah, yes.
16:12Sound effects.
16:14The therapist's best friend.
16:16You realize what you're doing is completely unprofessional.
16:18Denise called my show.
16:20She didn't ask for your opinion.
16:22And I didn't ask for yours.
16:24Back to you, Chopper Dave.
16:28Cut me loose!
16:30All right, let's just settle this.
16:32We don't like each other
16:34but we're going to have to co-exist here
16:36so why don't we agree
16:38that I won't criticize you
16:40and you won't criticize me.
16:42Do we have a deal?
16:44No.
16:46No?
16:48No, I will undermine you every chance I get
16:50because you, Dr. Crane, are a dangerous man.
16:52You're the world's great enabler.
16:54You tell tramps and fornicators
16:56that their problem is low self-esteem.
16:58They should have low self-esteem.
17:00They're going to hell.
17:06I take it back.
17:08You're not unprofessional.
17:10You're a freaking loon.
17:12Five seconds.
17:14All right.
17:16It's war you two want.
17:18It's war you'll get.
17:21You like all this no-sex stuff of hers, do you?
17:23Yeah.
17:25Well, it's war!
17:35Oh, hi, Niles.
17:37Hey, Dad.
17:39As you've probably noticed, I shaved my mustache.
17:47I decided a better way to change my look
17:49was to pump some iron.
17:51So what, you joined the gym?
17:53I certainly did.
17:55I start the minute my weight belt
17:57gets back from the monogrammers.
18:03Oh, Frazier, you free for dinner?
18:05Oh, I suppose so, yeah.
18:07Hey, look who I bumped into
18:09in the elevator.
18:11I've been on the phone all day
18:13digging up dirt on Dr. Nora
18:15and you will not believe what I found.
18:17Really?
18:19I called the station where she used to work
18:21and they couldn't wait to dish her
18:23for starters she has no medical degree.
18:25Her doctorate is in physical education.
18:29She's a gym teacher!
18:33I didn't want to be the chubby kid
18:35in that gym class.
18:39Or the boy in the monogrammed white belt.
18:41Well, this is just dynamite, Roz.
18:43Oh, that's not even half of it.
18:45Her name isn't Fairchild.
18:47She was born Mulhern
18:49and little Miss Family Values
18:51has two divorces behind her
18:53and an affair with a married man.
18:55Tomorrow I am going to
18:57drop this little bombshell
18:59to start my show
19:01and end hers.
19:03You know, Frazier, when I was on the force
19:05I went through a feud like this
19:07with Charlie Drucker
19:09and believe me, it's not worth it.
19:11I started out by making a joke
19:13about his chest.
19:15His chest?
19:17Yeah, he was like a heavyset guy
19:19and he had those, you know,
19:21man bosoms.
19:25So he heard about it
19:27and he got mad at me
19:29and he wrote something about me
19:31on the men's room wall
19:33and I should have just called it quits
19:35right there and then
19:37and it just got worse
19:39and worse and we both ended up
19:41looking like idiots.
19:43Well, Dad, I don't intend to get into a feud with her
19:45I just want to get her off the air.
19:47Yeah, but if you attack her like that
19:49aren't you just descending to her level?
19:51You know, Roz, maybe they're right.
19:53I mean, look at what this woman has reduced me to already.
19:55Trading barbs, yelling over the air.
19:57Now I'm
19:59spreading rumors about her?
20:01Is that any way for a psychiatrist
20:03to deal with conflict?
20:05Don't whip out on me.
20:07Now, Roz, just think about it.
20:09There may be a better way.
20:11You know, Dr. Nora is clearly a damaged
20:13and angry woman.
20:15Maybe I could find out
20:17what's at the root of that anger
20:19and help her.
20:21Also proving that my method of therapy
20:23is the more valid one.
20:25Why are you doing this to me?
20:27Look, if you have a tumor...
20:29Roz, stop it!
20:32You know, if you want to analyze her
20:34you might start with that whole mother thing.
20:36I caught her show yesterday
20:38that certainly seemed to be a hot-button issue.
20:40Yes, it did, didn't it?
20:42They've been estranged for years.
20:44Perhaps we could find the woman
20:46and discover what caused this rift between them.
20:48Maybe even effect a reconciliation.
20:50Of course, it won't be easy.
20:52We don't even know if the woman's still alive.
20:54Yes, all sorts of things
20:56could happen to a woman her age.
20:58A mother could have had a heart attack
21:00or a stroke.
21:02She could be hit by a bus
21:04as she's coming out of the pub.
21:06Or fall asleep
21:08smoking a cigarette
21:10and be burned to a crisp
21:12right there in her smelly bed.
21:16Or she could fall off a ferry
21:18and be pulled down under the water.
21:20The roar of the waves
21:22drowning out her cries for help
21:24until no one could hear
21:26that shrill voice of hers
21:29Well, I'm all done with me ducks.
21:39Listen to me.
21:41You should be shunning this woman
21:43not rewarding her with gifts.
21:45A baby shower for an unwed mother.
21:47Now I've heard it all.
21:49Who's next?
21:51Did your mother get here all right?
21:53Yes, but I'm begging you
21:55we could drive a stake through that thing's heart
21:57right now.
21:59Trust me, my way is better.
22:03Ah, Mrs. Mulhern.
22:05I'm Dr. Fraser Crane.
22:07It's such a pleasure to meet you.
22:09Oh, Dr. Crane.
22:11I can't thank you enough for finding me
22:13and bringing me here.
22:15I was so moved by your story.
22:17It's a joy to do this for you.
22:19For 20 years
22:21I've wondered where my little girl was
22:23and if I'd ever see her again.
22:26Oh, I blame myself.
22:28I thought the man she wanted to marry
22:30wasn't good enough for her
22:32so she loved him.
22:34I've been so afraid the emphysema would finish me
22:36before I could ask her forgiveness
22:38and tell her I love her.
22:40Well
22:42tell her you shall
22:44rot.
22:48Forget couple's therapy.
22:50Allison, he is a loser.
22:52If you don't drop him right now
22:54he'll be the worst of misery that you get.
22:56God bless, honey.
22:58Who's next?
23:00We have Fraser Crane on line one.
23:02Fraser,
23:04you want to yell at me for that last call?
23:06No.
23:08Although I do believe that a gifted therapist
23:10can help two people put aside their anger
23:12and heal the differences between them.
23:14Blah, blah, blah.
23:18I have someone here with me today.
23:20Someone you haven't seen
23:23quite a while.
23:25There's something she'd like to tell you.
23:27Something she's wanted to tell you
23:29for a very long,
23:31long time.
23:33Mrs. Mulhern.
23:35You little
23:37whore!
23:41Mother!
23:43You thought you could get away from me, did you?
23:45Thought you could leave me to rot
23:47in a dump with that barely
23:49enough cash for a bottle of mattoos?
23:52You'll pay for that, Miss Eve!
23:54I was wrong, Fraser!
23:56Your way is better!
23:58Mrs. Mulhern!
24:00Keep back from this!
24:02Mother, please!
24:04I am doing my show!
24:06Yes, you're a little Miss Perfect
24:08now, aren't you?
24:10Telling everybody else how wicked
24:12they are! They should hear about
24:14your past!
24:16Mrs. Mulhern, please!
24:18Shame you brought
24:20on me! You ungrateful
24:22tramp!
24:24Believe, I'm a good girl
24:26now!
24:28How you were paid,
24:30paid to leave town
24:32by that nice boy's family!
24:34For God's sake, Nora, go to commercial!
24:36There's Seattle!
24:38Now, you know what I mean when I say there's some
24:40people you just don't need in your life?
24:42Help me out, Josh!
24:44What can I tell you here? I want
24:47my house!
24:49I knew that you hated me, but I just can't
24:51believe you could be so cruel!
24:53I was trying to help! She seemed delightful
24:55on the phone!
24:57I want $50 right now!
25:01How many times will I have to move
25:03before I'm finally free of her?
25:05Nora, I'm sorry!
25:09You owe me, Miss Eve!
25:11I think you might!
25:13I'll kill you!
25:17Frasier, we've got dead air!
25:21Hello!
25:23This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
25:25I'm sure Dr. Nora's
25:27listeners join me
25:29in hoping that she and her mother can
25:31resolve these differences very soon!
25:33They're off to a bit of a
25:35bumpy start!
25:39But at least
25:41the lines of communication
25:43are open!
25:47Hey, baby, I hear the blues
25:49a-callin' tossed salads
25:51and scrambled eggs
25:53Oh, my!
25:55And maybe I seem
25:57a bit confused
25:59Well, maybe!
26:01But I got you pegged!
26:03Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
26:05But I don't know what to do
26:07with those tossed salads
26:09and scrambled eggs
26:11Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
26:13Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
26:15Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:17Ha!
26:19They're callin' again!
26:21Goodnight!