Frasier Season 7 Episode 8 The Late Dr Crane
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00:00I can't believe how cold it is in here.
00:04Now, as the climate control is on, it's perfectly comfortable.
00:08Oh, really? Touch your tongue to the seatbelt. I dare you.
00:12Don't you have any regret I even asked you to this exhibit?
00:15I wanted to invite Regan, but after the disaster I made of our first date, I just felt too ashamed to even ask.
00:22Well, you can't avoid her forever. She's your neighbor.
00:25Ask her again. What's the worst thing that could happen?
00:29She could ask me to stop harassing her, which means I'd have to spend the next six months riding in the service elevator with Guillermo and his three-legged cat.
00:37How is Little Bubbles?
00:40Fuck.
00:42I see what you're doing, Niles.
00:45If you're so cold, there is a scarf in the glove compartment.
00:48Oh, really? I thought that's where you kept the butter and the eggs.
00:53Well, now it's burning up in here.
00:56I'm gonna start to take this thing.
00:58Are you insane? Well, at least wait until we've stopped or you're gonna get us killed.
01:02Take the wheel.
01:03I'll take the wheel.
01:05Frazier, stop.
01:06No, it's almost off.
01:07No, I mean brake! Brake!
01:16Are you all right?
01:18Yes.
01:20Thank heaven your fist softened the blow of the airbag.
01:29Hurt your nose?
01:36Yes.
01:38That's what I figured. Right when you came in, I said, that guy hurt his nose.
01:44So how did you, uh, you know...
01:47Excuse me.
01:50Yes, hello, this is, uh, Dr. Fraser Crane here.
01:54I was just, uh, wondering. I filled up my paperwork about half an hour ago.
01:58They'll call you. We're seeing people in order of importance.
02:01Oh, really? Well, you know, I do have my own radio show.
02:06The Importance of the Injury.
02:08Yes, of course.
02:10Um, do you know, are there any plastic surgeons on call?
02:14Oh, Niles, that's not necessary.
02:16Niles, that's not necessary. Can't be too careful. Could be broken.
02:19Don't worry. The best plastic surgeons in town have their offices here.
02:23Dr. Rabb, Dr. Karnofsky, and Dr. Burke.
02:26Karnofsky? Mel Karnofsky?
02:29That's right.
02:33Meris's plastic surgeon. Oh.
02:37Would you believe that charlatan is still picking my pocket a year after my divorce?
02:42Good Lord, for what?
02:44For Meris's Botox injections.
02:48You know, they use those botulinum toxins that put it in the forehead and deadens the muscles and takes away the wrinkles.
02:54I gave it to her as a gift one year for our anniversary.
02:57Oh, yes. Probably your tenth. That's toxins, isn't it?
03:02Anyway, Karnofsky keeps billing me for her follow-up injections.
03:07Good Lord. So you're divorced, huh?
03:14Yes.
03:15Me too. I'm Phil.
03:17Hello.
03:18Fourteen years together.
03:20Came home one day and, oh hell, I probably shouldn't even talk about it.
03:24Okay.
03:29You know, Niles, seeing as how we're here, why don't you go find this Karnofsky and straighten the whole thing out?
03:35No, no, I can't leave you here injured.
03:37It's all right, Niles. I'll be fine.
03:39If you're sure, let me just pay Dr. Karnofsky a visit.
03:43You know, it really is outrageous what these scalpel jockeys get away with convincing women like Maris to spend fortunes on their exterior
03:49when frankly what they need is to take a good look at the woman inside.
03:52Right.
03:53Well, she did have one chemical deal where you could see her kidneys for a while.
03:59Off you go. Good luck, Niles.
04:14Not a pretty woman, my wife.
04:16But when she danced, you couldn't keep your eyes off her.
04:20You know, actually, I'm feeling a lot better.
04:22Goodbye.
04:26Frasier Crane?
04:28Frasier Crane, we're ready to see you.
04:31That's me.
04:33Ah, Dr. Karnofsky, I see you finally decided to make time for me.
04:37Sorry, I'm from records. I was told to bring over Maris Crane's files.
04:43That's this year.
04:45I'm sorry, I can't.
04:47I'm sorry, I can't.
04:49I'm sorry, I can't.
04:51I'm sorry, I can't.
04:53I'm sorry, I can't.
04:55I'm sorry, I can't.
04:57I'm sorry, I can't.
04:59I'm sorry, I can't.
05:01I'm sorry, I can't.
05:07Dr. Crane?
05:08Yes?
05:09I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.
05:12Melinda Karnofsky.
05:16Oh, uh, yes, of course, Niles Crane.
05:20About this billing issue.
05:22Oh, oh my God, this box is filthy.
05:26Uh, yes, the problem is I have received three invoices over the past six months.
05:33Yes, I'm so sorry about that.
05:35And I, I'm so sorry about all this dust.
05:39Do you mind? I'll have to turn on my HEPA filter.
05:42Oh, you have a HEPA?
05:44You have a Svensson?
05:46Oh, yes.
05:49They're great, aren't they?
05:51Not to mention impossible to get in this country.
05:55I've tried.
05:56Well, I once did a favor for Mrs. Svensson.
05:59Oh, it's a long story.
06:01I'm all ears.
06:02So was she.
06:05Anyway, I've spoken to the accounting department about your bill, and it was clearly our mistake.
06:11Please accept my apology.
06:13We'll take care of it.
06:14Oh, I, I appreciate that.
06:17Oh, hello.
06:19Oh.
06:20Oh, I like that print very much.
06:24Hmm?
06:25Everything all right?
06:26I'm sorry, I just noticed a smudge on my jacket.
06:29Well, it's barely noticeable.
06:31You're being kind.
06:33I got that print at the last museum show.
06:36Oh, I thought you looked familiar.
06:40Perhaps I've, I've seen you there.
06:42Perhaps.
06:43I, I go to all of the openings.
06:45I'm, I'm on the museum board.
06:47Really?
06:49Well, congratulations.
06:50All the exhibits this year have been...
06:53perfection.
06:59I, uh, I, I particularly like the Picasso.
07:04I'm a big fan of his, his cubist period.
07:06Oh, striking, isn't she?
07:08Yes, I'd like to think if she'd come in here,
07:10I could actually have helped her.
07:16You must think I'm terribly fussy.
07:19Yes.
07:21Well, anyway, it was, it was very nice meeting you.
07:25Oh, likewise.
07:27Dr. Karnofsky, Mrs. Magrashak has a question for you in room three.
07:33Helen Magrashak?
07:34Oh, I really can't say.
07:38She's finally having it removed.
07:40Why did she wait?
07:42I don't know.
07:50Found 98.
07:54Uh, actually, that's all been settled.
07:57Uh, can you tell me, you know, is, is that her husband?
08:01No, she's divorced. That's her son.
08:05Really?
08:07Dr. Karnofsky's so young, she must have had him when she was a child.
08:13Okay.
08:20Oh!
08:21Oh, is there, is there something else?
08:23Uh, no.
08:26Oh.
08:27Uh, no.
08:29Well...
08:30Yes?
08:31No, uh, I was wondering, uh...
08:35Oh.
08:36Uh, I, uh, uh, this is a little awkward.
08:40Yes, I...
08:41Oh, thank you. I, uh, uh, I'm not really sure how to ask. Uh...
08:46I think I know what it is.
08:48Uh-huh.
08:49And you've got no reason to be nervous.
08:51Oh, really?
08:52Yes. Just a few quick injections and those nasty little wrinkles in your forehead, they'll disappear.
09:01Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it?
09:05Yes.
09:07Well, it's a very simple procedure. Although your forehead will be numb for a while, I, I can fit you in at, uh, 4.30.
09:14Oh, good. That gives me time to do something I need to do.
09:17Excellent.
09:26Hello, Dr. Craig.
09:27Hello, Daphne. I was on my way home, thought I'd see how the patient was doing.
09:31Oh, I'm fine. Thank you, Niles.
09:33You have no idea how guilty I'm feeling. I suppose she told you it was my fist that struck the inadvertent yet powerful blow.
09:45So, how did things go with the nefarious Dr. Karnofsky? Did it give him a piece of your mind?
09:51Actually, he turned out to be a she.
09:54Oh.
09:55And quite a reasonable she at that.
09:56Really? That's quite a turnabout.
09:59Yes, well...
10:00Dr. Craig, don't move.
10:02Why?
10:03There's a mosquito.
10:04Where?
10:05On your forehead.
10:06Oh. Get off, get off, get off.
10:09It's already gone.
10:10Oh.
10:11Oh, dear. It looks like it bit you.
10:13Oh, right. Ow.
10:21Niles, wriggle your forehead for me, will you?
10:27Oh.
10:33Why would I do that?
10:35Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead.
10:44I'm not your marionette. You've got a Botox injection. You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you?
10:51I do not.
10:56Oh, that's strange. The mosquito fell right out of the head.
11:06What's a Botox injection?
11:08Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles.
11:12Oh, great. My kids are having plastic surgery. That's a nice age to get to.
11:17I can't believe you let Madison's witch doctor work her magic on you.
11:21You know, it's a perfectly lovely person.
11:25In fact, I was screwing up my courage to ask her out on a date when she noticed this little flaw and I lost my nerve.
11:32Yes. And most of the feeling in your face as well.
11:37Dr. Crane, look. Your picture's on the news.
11:39Well, turn it up there. Turn it up.
11:41After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender bender,
11:47video psychiatrist Frazier Crane died suddenly today.
11:52I'm sure I speak for all of us here at KYOL when I say he will be sorely missed.
11:58But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?
12:02Dear God!
12:04That's unbelievable!
12:06Outrageous!
12:09As it turns out, after I left the hospital, some poor devil used my name to jump the line,
12:15and he dropped dead of a heart attack.
12:19I must say, it does feel a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.
12:29I know I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died.
12:34I know I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died.
12:40I was out on the street and there was this crowd watching a television through a department store window.
12:47Before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.
12:50It's very amazing, Ross.
12:53And then it began to rain and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying.
12:58It's all right, Ross.
13:01Hey, Ross.
13:02Frank, did you see this?
13:04Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
13:06It's my obituary.
13:07They printed it?
13:08Yes, they must have picked it up off the wire last night before the news ran that correction.
13:12Jimmy gave it to me at McGinney's.
13:14Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything.
13:18You know, because of the shock I went through, thinking I'd lost my son.
13:23Ted, what are you talking about? You never thought I was dead.
13:26Well, people don't have to know that.
13:29I mean, I could have been at home, alone, wondering where you were.
13:33And I get this strange, uneasy feeling, so I turn on the TV and there it is.
13:40On the screen, the face of my dead son.
13:45I was sitting right beside you.
13:46Well, what kind of story is that?
13:48It's the truth.
13:49Well, the truth doesn't bet anything on a coaster.
13:53Well, that's something for your scrapbook, huh?
13:55Your own obituary.
13:57Yes, well, you know, frankly, it's...
14:02It's a little upsetting.
14:04I don't think they meant to be insulting. You are lovably pompous.
14:11Not that. It's just, you know, seeing my life in black and white, it just all looks a little...
14:18Incomplete.
14:20What do you mean?
14:21Well, I was going to do so much with my life.
14:24I was going to write a novel, run for public office.
14:28I was going to do my own translation of Freud.
14:32Well, what's stopping you? You're not actually dead.
14:37Yes, you're right. I'm not dead, am I?
14:41You know, maybe that's a good way of looking at this, actually.
14:44More of a wake-up call.
14:46Dr. Crane, I was so relieved to hear that you were all right.
14:52Oh, thank you.
14:53I heard the news, and I thought, what a shame.
14:57He is such a young man.
14:59That's so nice of you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
15:02You know, you're right.
15:04What am I doing frittering away my day here in this coffeehouse?
15:07You know what? I've got things to do. I've got fresh worlds to conquer.
15:11I'm going to go out there and grab life by the scruff.
15:14Look out, destiny. Here I come.
15:17Oh, well, it's really coming down out there.
15:26What happened to your clothes? Did you spill something on yourself?
15:29Oh, no, no. I'm going jogging later.
15:31No need to be sarcastic.
15:33Just give me the clothes, and I'll do another load.
15:36No, I'm serious, Daphne.
15:38I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary.
15:41You see, it's a self-actualizing exercise.
15:43You see, you write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear,
15:47years from now, of course, and then it helps you to focus your goals.
15:51You see, here they are, all my hopes and dreams.
15:55These are dreams, all right.
16:00Dr. Crane came late to athletics.
16:03He became a fixture in the Seattle Marathon,
16:06He came late to athletics.
16:08He became a fixture in the Seattle Marathon,
16:11the America's Cup Yacht Race,
16:13as well as the Kentucky Derby.
16:18A jockey at your size?
16:20You'd better start writing an obituary for the horse.
16:25You're amusing, Daphne. I meant as a stable owner.
16:28Hey, French, what did you do? Spill something on your clothes?
16:32No, no, I'm going jogging later.
16:34Well, there's no need to get sarcastic about it.
16:37I'm serious, Dad.
16:39I'm going to have to start somewhere if I plan to run a marathon.
16:42Oh, we got a new basket?
16:45Pickery Farm.
16:47Yeah, that one came this afternoon.
16:50Dad, we agreed we were going to send back all the condolence baskets intact.
16:54Yeah, I know, I know, but you know,
16:56if a can of pecans falls out here and there, who's going to notice?
17:00Oh, by the way, guess who I ran into?
17:03That friend of yours from next door, Regan.
17:06Really?
17:07Yeah. You know, she was pretty relieved to hear you weren't dead.
17:11I don't know, maybe there's still something going on there.
17:14Oh, I don't know, Dad. I'd like to believe that, but I'm just too much of a realist.
17:19Tell that to the two million people a year who visit Frasierland.
17:27It's a website.
17:29It teaches children about psychiatry.
17:33Hey, Dad, I can't stay. I just realized I think I left my cell phone here last night.
17:38Oh, yeah, I did see it somewhere. Let's have a look.
17:42Hey, why are you wearing running clothes?
17:44You won't tell us.
17:47Oh, here it is.
17:49It was buried back here underneath all these baskets.
17:52Oh, Dad, look what you did.
17:54Rooting around in there.
17:56You poked a hole right through this Pickery Farms basket.
18:02You can't send it back now.
18:06Thank you, Daphne.
18:08John.
18:09Yeah.
18:10Is that a bandage sticking out of your shirt?
18:12Oh, where?
18:13Well, right there.
18:15Oh, yes, I cut myself shaving.
18:18What, on the back of your neck?
18:22You went to see Karnofsky again, didn't you?
18:25Yes, I did.
18:27I was going to ask her out again, but I got all flustered when I caught her staring at this grotesque carbuncle.
18:35Carbuncle? You mean that minuscule mole of yours?
18:38Well, to you, I've always been self-conscious about it.
18:41I've made many a hasty wine selection because I felt the sommelier staring down at me.
18:46Oh, not this, please.
18:48Why don't you just knock this off? Isn't it time you just asked the woman out?
18:52Mr. Fraser, I'm just waiting until the moment's right.
18:56Like you did with Daphne?
18:59Oh, Niles, I am sorry.
19:01It's just that I'd like to see you do this while I can still pick you out of a crowd.
19:10You know what? I've got tickets for the opera tonight.
19:12Why don't you ask her to join you?
19:14Oh, I don't know.
19:15Oh, come on.
19:17Take a cue from me.
19:18I'm completely reinventing myself.
19:21I can learn a new language and climb mountains and write a bestseller.
19:27Well, then, surely you can ask this woman out.
19:29Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a marathon to train for.
19:35Are you all right, Bruce?
19:38I'm fine.
19:40What happened?
19:42I think he tripped on one of these baskets.
19:44Did you break anything?
19:45I don't think so.
19:46Because, you know, if you broke it, there's no point in sending this one back.
19:52Okay.
20:10Oh, dear God.
20:12Hey, look at you.
20:15Oh, they gave you a sweet one.
20:18All shiny, no scuffs.
20:20Still has that new cane smell.
20:26Well, your car's right.
20:27I might like to take it for a spin around the lobby, all right?
20:31So, what'd they say?
20:32Oh, just a little sprain.
20:33It's going to take a couple of weeks.
20:36You know, I guess I'm going to have to rethink my life's plan a bit.
20:40Oh, you're going to be doing all this stuff?
20:44Well, of course, Dad.
20:45Why wouldn't I?
20:46Oh, I don't know.
20:47It just seems all so complicated.
20:50The first one you tried was kind of a bust.
20:53Yes, all right.
20:55Well, you know, I've just got to scale things back a little bit.
21:00Set my sights on more attainable goals.
21:03Oh, for instance, here.
21:06Visit South America.
21:09That's it.
21:11Discover the lost treasure of the Incas.
21:18That's out.
21:22Take up rafting.
21:24That's in.
21:26Retrace Lewis and Clark's route.
21:31That's out.
21:33And this perpetual motion stuff, all this can go.
21:41Daphne!
21:42Oh, no, she's out for the whole evening.
21:44You're going to have to get it yourself.
21:45Oh, all right.
21:47Come on.
21:48Let's see how that thing handles the corners.
21:51Come on, open her up!
21:58Hello, Frazier.
21:59I'd like you to meet Dr. Mel Karnofsky.
22:02Well, I can't tell you what a pleasure this is.
22:04Hello.
22:05I believe you have some opera tickets for us?
22:07Yes, I do.
22:09Oh, Mel, this is my father, Martin.
22:11Oh, hello.
22:12Hi, how are you?
22:13Here we are.
22:14Oh, thank you.
22:15You were very grateful for this.
22:17Niles and I happen to be such huge fans of Puccini.
22:20Oh, speaking of which, here's our own little Puccini.
22:25Oh, well, you're a darling.
22:30Oh, he's wonderful.
22:32Yes.
22:39So, where are you two having dinner?
22:41Bel Canto.
22:42We have a table on the terrace.
22:44Terrace?
22:45Well, I didn't know they had a terrace.
22:47Really?
22:48Oh, well, I guess you have to know the owner.
22:50But we'd better be going.
22:52I pre-ordered our chocolate soufflés and they'll be ready at 7.30 precisely.
22:57Well, off you go then.
22:59Just remember, Niles, nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate soufflé.
23:05Oh, well, you know no one takes them off faster than I do.
23:10That was very funny.
23:13Lovely meeting you.
23:17Well, she seems a bit much.
23:21What do you mean?
23:22Well, you know, picking the restaurant, dining on the terrace, you have to know the owner.
23:29Doesn't she remind you of someone?
23:31Yeah, you.
23:34I was talking about merits.
23:36Oh, come on. Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?
23:39I mean, Niles sure seems happy.
23:41Oh, I guess you're right, Dad.
23:43Besides, I've got a lot to accomplish this evening.
23:46I'm going to start on my Russian language test.
23:52What? What is it, Dad?
23:54What? Nothing.
23:56What? Don't you think I can do any of these things?
23:58No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to.
24:01No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier.
24:04You always have.
24:06Thank you, Dad.
24:08I just wonder about all these projects.
24:11Well, as I said, I am streamlining.
24:14You know, I think what you discovered this week was that something's missing from your life.
24:19And before you start to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink,
24:23I thought you ought to just ask yourself,
24:26what do I really want?
24:29What is really going to make me happy now?
24:40Well, that's weird.
24:43I suddenly feel like having a beer.
24:59Ah.
25:30Reagan, it's me, Frasier.
25:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:42Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:45Quite stylish
25:48And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:51Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
25:54Ha, ha, ha, ha
25:57But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:04They're calling again
26:07Goodnight!