Frasier Season 7 Episode 19 Morning Becomes Entertainment
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00:00Hey. Hello. I thought you were spending the afternoon with Dad.
00:06He's in the loo. Why don't you join us?
00:08All right, thank you. Hey, do you happen to catch the show today? I was on fire.
00:12First quarter was an agoraphobic. Boom! Knocked it right out of the park.
00:16Then, two troubled marriages and a compulsive over-eater. Boom, boom, boom!
00:21Ha ha! I was a regular mental health dispensing machine.
00:26I did two loads of laundry and cut a piece of gum out of Eddie's hair.
00:31Now, Daphne, don't get down on yourself. The work you do at home is very important.
00:35In fact, I don't know what Dad and I are going to do once you're married.
00:38Thank you, Dr. Crane. That makes me feel better.
00:41Boom! Boy, there is no off switch on this thing.
00:46Well, sadly, that's true.
00:50Oh, there she is, the other half of our team. Roz, you're still as jazzed as I am?
00:54They're taking us off the air. What? Since when?
00:58Well, while you were out looking for Gatorade to pour over yourself,
01:01Kenny came by and said he's yanking us for a week.
01:04He wants to try out that new show, you know, Car Chat with Bob and Bethany.
01:08Car Chat with Bob and Bethany? What the...
01:13Oh, touche, Kenny.
01:19Indeed a worthy adversary, but you shall find I have a trick or two of my own.
01:26You know, Dr. Crane, maybe a week off would do you some good.
01:30No, no, no, you don't understand. You see, I'm actually renegotiating my contract right now,
01:34and this is merely the station's tactic to try to get me to cave.
01:37Well, I hope you're right.
01:39Well, of course I'm right, Bob and Bethany, Car Chat, please.
01:43I mean, how can anybody drone on for three hours about a subject that nobody even understands?
01:47Yeah, we were there first.
01:52Don't worry, Dr. Crane, I'm sure you're right about these things.
01:56After all, you usually are.
01:58Thank you, Daphne. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
02:01Boo!
02:05Hey, son.
02:06Oh, hi, Dad.
02:07Boy, they really did a job in the men's room, didn't they?
02:10I hadn't noticed.
02:11Oh, yeah, completely redid it.
02:13Fancy wallpapers, bright new tile, even those little perfume soaps that you like to use at home for.
02:20Oh, for heaven's sakes, you went into the ladies' room, you blind old sod.
02:28I've been begging him for months to get glasses.
02:30Ladies' room? You're crazy. That guy was just in there.
02:36Oh, hi, Bethany. Listen, good luck in the slot next week.
02:40Bags were pumped.
02:45Granted, Dad, Bethany may be a bit of a tough call, but still, you know, it wasn't hard to get a check.
02:50Oh, come on, don't you start, too. There's nothing wrong with my eyes.
02:54Now, if you don't mind, I just want to sit here quietly and have a...
03:02Have a drink of cream. Do you have a problem with that?
03:15Hello, Dr. Craig.
03:18Hello, Daphne.
03:20Say, you know, my agent, Bebe, said she might be stopping by. Have you heard anything?
03:24No, and I hope she's not staying for lunch. I'm afraid we're fresh out of live mice.
03:40Hey, Fred.
03:41Dad.
03:51Is it my imagination or are those ladies' glasses?
03:56Yes, and don't you say anything. I had to drag him down to the store.
04:01He tried on every pair in the place. Those were the only ones he liked.
04:14Oh. How do you like the new specs?
04:21They certainly are eye-catching.
04:25You should have seen the looks I got all day.
04:29Mostly from women. You know, I'd like to think it was me, but I get an idea these frames were designed with an eye to pleasing the ladies.
04:40I'd say that's the safest option.
04:43Dad, have you seen the case form? I don't know what I did with it.
04:46Yeah, I think I popped them into my purse. Check my room.
04:49Oh, you don't? Oh, wait till you see this case, Frej. This Lorraine guy really knows what he's doing.
04:57Ralph Lorraine?
04:58Sophia.
05:04I'm amazed you can keep a straight face all day.
05:08Well, I've done enough clothes shopping with you, Father.
05:11I'm pretty good at pretending to like things, no matter how horrifying I find them.
05:18Oh, baby, how nice to see you.
05:24Frasier, my favorite client, Seattle's golden throated gift to the airwaves.
05:31Unless I take it negotiations aren't going so well.
05:34You remember that insulting figure you said you'd never accept? They haven't come up to it yet.
05:39Oh, dear.
05:41Not now. Oh, come on in.
05:43Maybe he's just bringing me up to speed on the depressing news about my contract negotiations.
05:49Don't worry, dear. I just need to find a way to throw a scare into him.
05:53Have you tried turning into a bat?
05:58I would love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.
06:08Could you two please catch up later?
06:11I did get one offer that I thought might give us some leverage.
06:15It's a TV job.
06:17Television?
06:18Unfortunately, it's all wrong for you.
06:20They want you and Roz to host AM Seattle next week.
06:24That vapid morning chat show?
06:26Exactly what I told them.
06:28Frasier Crane is a doctor.
06:30He heals the masses.
06:32He doesn't pander to them.
06:34He's not going to do some silly morning coffee clash, no matter how fabulously popular it is.
06:39That's quite right, Phoebe.
06:40I mean, that sort of show is beneath me.
06:42Exactly.
06:43It's undignified.
06:44Horribly.
06:45Still.
06:46I'm listening.
06:48Is there a way to do it with a bit more dignity?
06:50Some polish and substance?
06:52Why didn't I think of that?
06:54You're a dash of high society and a dollop of culture.
06:58I can't believe you're even considering this.
07:01The show is nothing more than a melange of bad jokes and mind-numbing banter.
07:06Just what it doesn't have to be, Niles, don't you see?
07:08I mean, if I could choose the guests myself...
07:11You can't.
07:12...and control the content...
07:13You could.
07:14...well, then I'd accept.
07:15We did.
07:16I mean, we will.
07:19In fact, why don't I call them right now with the exciting news?
07:26May I?
07:27On the balcony, if you don't mind.
07:29Mind?
07:30I don't want a single puff tearing up the baby blues of TV's newest sensation by this time next week.
07:38You heard him.
07:39If you're going to blow smoke, do it on the balcony.
07:42Well...
07:44Can't say I'm surprised.
07:46What is that supposed to mean?
07:48Only that something like this was inevitable.
07:50It's the final step in your descent from legitimate psychiatrist to dancing bear.
07:55What?
07:56Niles, we are talking about doing a sophisticated television show for one week in order to improve my contract negotiations.
08:03This has nothing to do with your contract negotiations.
08:05You have been an applause junkie ever since you first set foot on a grammar school stage.
08:10I was drawn to the theater because of its discipline and collaborative spirit.
08:17Oh, please.
08:18In your sixth grade production of Oklahoma, you took so many curtain calls,
08:23Mrs. Van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage.
08:28That woman never understood me.
08:30Oh, I'm just wasting my breath.
08:32As usual, you have fallen under the spell of that sorceress out there.
08:36I'd have done no such thing.
08:37And I wish you'd just lay off of Bebe.
08:39She's not some malign witch who can transform people at will.
08:42I can't find a damn thing in this purse.
08:48I'm sorry.
08:49I'm sorry.
08:50I'm sorry.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'm sorry.
08:53I'm sorry.
08:54I'm sorry.
08:55I'm sorry.
08:56I'm sorry.
08:57I'm sorry.
08:58I'm sorry.
08:59I'm sorry.
09:00I'm sorry.
09:01I'm sorry.
09:07If I say I'm sorry, will she change dad back into a man?
09:16Well, it took several of your best people,
09:18but I believe they finally wrestled this feisty cowlick of mine into submission.
09:22So, are we ready to roll?
09:25Not quite.
09:26Your partner's not here.
09:27What?
09:28not here but we're on in four minutes so at this point a rerun is on in four minutes don't worry
09:33matt she'll be here we won't even have time to put her through makeup a natural beauty like
09:38ross oh please darling pinch her cheeks stand back and watch her glow hey i'm late for god's
09:45sakes you look awful are you sick no of course not i wouldn't be sick for our big debut i'm
09:50totally fine ross you're burning up well it's kind of hot in here maybe it's all these lights
09:57i'll just get this jacket off no no boss stop stop she's delirious with anticipation darling
10:05don't worry i'll calm her down pull yourself together do you hear me we need this show
10:10all right everyone we're doing a rerun let the audience go cue the tape wait can't fraser do
10:16the show without her this is a chat show who's he gonna chat with me i'll go on with him you
10:23pull yourself together i don't think so beauty why not all he needs is someone to suck up to him
10:31laugh at his jokes pretend to listen to his stories i'm his agent for god's sakes that's
10:36what i do you know i i believe she could pull it off the problem is she needs to be likable
10:43right do i at least get to keep the suit
10:45hold on i can be likable i can also be very unlikable maybe if you explain the difference
10:55to poor confused bb for instance what you were doing in the dressing room with the
10:59wardrobe girl an hour ago would your wife find that likable or unlikable
11:06you put some makeup on this woman yeah okay folks 60 seconds all right baby just follow my lead
11:13i'll introduce us and then we'll get to our guests all right no
11:17what's our first guest susan sontag oh she had a conflict don't worry we've got a fabulous
11:22replacement baby leo the world's biggest two-year-old you're gonna love him just remember
11:30to lift with your legs this is unacceptable oh now who's the world's biggest baby
11:42we're gonna be your hosts this week and believe me we've got some great shows lined up for you
11:58but before we get to our guests i'd like to take a few moments to share with you
12:04a few thoughts i've prepared on a very special time of the day
12:09hmm the time that we'll be spending together morning
12:16a new beginning a daily rebirth if you will what the hell is this banter banter and even though
12:25am stands for anti meridian if you simply put them together they also make up the word
12:32am as in i am no not before my coffee
12:43as you can see frazier has a way with words but did you also know that he has a way
12:50with voices excuse me who wants to hear frazier's famous sean connery impression
13:02now now money penny you're embarrassing me
13:25more impressions maybe i should just get back to my statement don't be shy who wants to hear
13:31frazier do more impressions it's just that i'd hate to take time away from our other guests i
13:42believe that james mason may be stopping by to visit
14:00you
14:04well this has been some week it's really flown by hasn't it
14:11i can't believe it's time for thursday's kitchen corner we'll be right back with chef frazier
14:18i'm done and we're clear
14:24baby kitchen corner i thought we had the violin prodigy up next for god's sakes we bumped kim
14:32lee twice this week i know but we're running short of time in the cooking segment it's gonna be
14:36baffled well all right but i insist kim lee play over the closing credits all right we're not
14:42running some sort of a tacky run-of-the-mill morning show here's your chef's costume allow me
14:52you know frazier the most magical thing happened to me last night during dinner
14:58really i was recognized it's intoxicating isn't it oh gosh i myself no stranger to
15:06celebrity have noticed more heads swiveling in my direction and we're back in five four three two
15:19welcome back frazier i hear you're quite the gourmet oh please i don't do anything fancy
15:25a few soufflés a flambé or two just good eats now this morning i'm going to be making
15:32my signature breakfast for you that's eggs palermo fontana makes my mouth water but before
15:40we start i have a little sweetheart backstage who's dying to come out and give you a hand
15:46is it kim lee not even close it's bobo the cooking champ
15:51oh that's very funny this has mad's fingerprints all over it
16:04we thought it might be great fun if you were to match your skills against his oh i don't know
16:10baby yeah well let's let the audience decide how many of you want to see the monkey make eggs
16:17now how many of you want to see bobo make eggs
16:26well all right apes before beauty
16:35frazier bobo may the best chef win now the first rule of haute cuisine is to be sure that you have
16:43all your ingredients at hand you see we have eggs milk butter spinach and of course our old friend
16:51the shallot
16:59look at that he's not even preheating the pan the beast getting an early lead yeah
17:06it's very important to keep your eggs light and fluffy so what you want to do
17:13is add a bit of milk and a touch of flour
17:27well
17:36oh my god oh this whole thing was improvised
17:50you're kidding it's like you and the chimp have been working together for years
17:56boy that's great stuff frasier you know i can't tell you how impressed the guys at
18:01mcginney's are that i have such a famous son what do they say well they don't say
18:06anything to my face but when i walk in they kind of nudge each other and whisper
18:15that'll be my shepherd's pie shepherd's pie
18:21you know i must confess there's a part of me that wishes i could still do the tv show
18:26well there's a part of me that wishes that monkey was cooking dinner instead of you know
18:32but we put our dreams away
18:37oh hi ross well don't you look nice you feeling better yes thank you can we talk of course come
18:43on in what's the matter well i talked to my friends in business affairs and they say they're
18:49ready to close our deals but bb's holding it up well of course she's holding enough she's trying
18:54to make them sweat a little bit that's the whole strategy behind this tv show leverage
18:59yeah well um i heard a rumor that am seattle isn't happy with their regular hosts and i think
19:06she's angling for you to take over so where does that leave me even if if that was bb's plan i
19:14mean you're forgetting that it's still my career and i'm calling the shots there is no way i would
19:19continue doing am seattle yeah well you look like you're having the time of your life i'm playing a
19:24character there is a big difference between dr fraser crane psychiatrist and fraser crane the
19:30guy who starts your morning right i'll tell you what i will speak to bb tomorrow when we're in
19:38the chair oh that's the industry term for when we're getting our makeup put on thanks
19:43sure god this is so weird daphne usually has such great taste what is she thinking with these
19:53glasses well actually ross um i gotta go see what these look like hi ross hey martin
20:05somebody ought to tell mr doyle she's wearing a dude's glasses
20:13oh kiki you're a magician
20:21frasier you're not going to believe the wonderful news i just got
20:25they want us to stay on what yes we had the highest ratings the show's had all year
20:32i don't believe this ross was right you had no intention of renegotiating my radio contract
20:39i don't expect gratitude frasier just a little faith i finished your kacl contract this morning
20:48you did and i did quite a good job i might add oh i'm sorry bb i owe you an apology
20:58oh this is wonderful got an extra week's vacation and a very handsome raise it's garbage compared to
21:07what they'll give us to stay on here you'll get an expense account a wardrobe allowance not to
21:12mention a car and driver no no let's not forget why i took this job it was to raise my profile
21:19to get a better deal with the radio contract we've done that bb and i thank you
21:25you you're welcome darling and i respect your choice thanks now let's talk about today's show
21:38right we start with the friday fiesta here are our costumes and then we uh move on to the
21:46girl scout cookie selling champ
21:51then we
21:55are you all right
22:00i've spent my life in the wings it was just nice having my moment in the spotlight
22:08the rush when that little red light on camera turns on
22:13that stupid masking tape on my dressing room door with my name on it
22:19the stage door johnny's or whatever that strange man with the autograph book calls himself
22:27admit it darling you want this as much as i do i saw it in your eyes during the pie eating
22:32contest nobody loves blueberries that much it's the audience you love are you ready for bb and
22:41fraser
22:47listen to them
22:50they want you they do want me don't they tell me to tear up the contract frasier
22:57maybe it is time for a change get away from him you she thing
23:05it's a good thing dad started choking on that peanut or i'd never have come back here for water
23:09stop this madness you can't stop it no one can show businesses in his blood no
23:15psychiatry is fraser you're a healer anyone can heal you're better than that you're an entertainer
23:22oh god niles she's white i love the audience i know it's shallow but it makes me feel alive
23:33do you have any idea how ridiculous you look in this outfit
23:37fraser i know i sometimes make light of your radio show but the truth is you provide help
23:44and hope and comfort to people who need it i have always envied you that don't listen to that dribble
23:56he's right bb
24:00i'm a psychiatrist i can't do this show anymore i'm sorry
24:05then quit who needs you i'll find some other stuffed shirt who's happy to ride my
24:13coattails to fame niles you're a doctor niles don't look at it we're eyes
24:29well that's it
24:35the dream is over
24:4030 seconds but i'm still a professional
24:48there's an audience out there waiting for two people to ride in on a donkey
24:56i don't know about you
24:57but i'm not gonna let him down
25:11it's your last show
25:14get out there thanks brother for keeping me grounded
25:27oh
25:39hey baby i hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs quite stylish
25:48and maybe i seem a bit confused well maybe but i got you pegged
25:57but i don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:04they're calling again