Frasier Season 10 Episode 16 Fraternal Scwinns
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00:00It's been such fun talking about psychopharmacological solutions to maladaptive personality traits
00:08that I can't believe that three hours is almost gone.
00:12Up next is the news followed by...
00:15But Roz is reminding me that next Saturday is the first annual KACL AIDS Bike-a-thon.
00:25It's bound to be an afternoon of family, fun, and lots of surprises.
00:30So dust off your velocipedes, and I'll see you there.
00:38Great pitch, Doc.
00:39So, uh, what are the surprises?
00:41Well, first and foremost, I am not going.
00:45But you just told him you'd see them there.
00:48Roz, I'm merely getting the rubes into the tent.
00:50I will gladly give my money, but spending the afternoon riding bicycles with a bunch of hooligans is not my idea of fun.
00:57It's just kids and families.
00:59Yes, well, so was the KACL family picnic at the zoo.
01:03Until those urchins jostled me into the orangutan grove.
01:09Let me tell you, orangutans are not the playful gentlemen of the trees the nature shows claim.
01:17Hello?
01:18Hey, Julia.
01:19Julia.
01:20You're going to the bike-a-thon, right?
01:22Oh, don't embarrass her, Kenny.
01:24I mean, it's got to be tough finding a comfortable bike seat when you're such a tight-ass.
01:32This for a woman who pedals her ass all over town.
01:37Yes, all right, stalemates.
01:39Well done, well done.
01:40Keep moving.
01:42So, bike-a-thon, you're in, right?
01:45Nah, I can't be bothered.
01:47I'll just send a check.
01:48Oh, cheese and rice.
01:50What's wrong with you people?
01:52Relax, Kenny, I'm just pulling your leg.
01:54How can I not go?
01:56This is funding AIDS research, for God's sake.
01:59I know you think I'm heartless and self-centered, but at least give me credit for being human.
02:06Well, Fraser's not going.
02:09What?
02:10Kenny, come on.
02:15I was pulling your leg, too.
02:19I'll tell you what, we should have a fundraiser for your sense of humor.
02:26All right, I'll see you there.
02:30You're pathetic.
02:31I know.
02:38Hold that.
02:45Cora, hi.
02:48Marty?
02:56Visiting your son?
02:58Yes.
03:04Cora, I'm sorry, but I've got to ask you.
03:07What happened?
03:09I thought we had a pretty nice thing, but then you stopped returning my calls.
03:14Why don't you ask your other girlfriend?
03:17What other girlfriend?
03:20That bizarre English lady who told me to leave you alone.
03:26Because she was in the British Secret Service and had a license to kill.
03:33You should stop.
03:35Oh, jeez, that was Daphne's mother.
03:38She had a thing for me, but it was never mutual.
03:42Did she show you a badge?
03:44Always ask to see a badge.
03:48I knew she wasn't a secret agent.
03:51But she was pretty convincing about the two of you.
03:54Oh, Cora, I'm so sorry.
03:56It's not true.
04:03I'm sorry, too.
04:05I should have asked about her.
04:08Well, hey, it's cleared up now.
04:11Maybe we could pick up where we left off.
04:14Or skip ahead. Your choice.
04:20That would have been nice, but I've been seeing someone lately.
04:24Oh, well, sure, of course you have. Stupid of me.
04:27But I'm very glad to see you again.
04:30Please give Eddie my love.
04:32Oh, yeah. He'll be sorry he missed you.
04:36He liked your ankles.
04:41Oh, sorry for the hold-up, guys.
04:44Listen, I think it's best if we take separate cars to the flower show.
04:48See, later I have to go buy a bicycle.
04:50For whom?
04:52Well, for me.
04:54I've been dragooned into riding for the King of the West.
04:58I'm going to be a king of the West.
05:00I'm going to be a king of the West.
05:02I'm going to be a king of the West.
05:04I'm going to be a king of the West.
05:06I'm going to be a king of the West.
05:08I've been dragooned into riding for the K-A-C-L AIDS bike-a-thon.
05:13Poor devil spending a day on a bike.
05:17I don't envy you.
05:21Niles, why don't we enter the bike-a-thon?
05:28Had to see that coming.
05:32We can all go to the shop together after the flower show.
05:35Sure, why not?
05:37You two would look so cute on matching bicycles.
05:41Well, I guess it would be a kick, eh, Frasier?
05:43Not you two, you nit, you and Daphne.
05:52You!
05:53Hello.
05:54I just had a very interesting conversation with Cora Winston.
05:58Seems someone claiming to be my girlfriend scared her off.
06:02Oh, dear. Is she the woman from the bookstore?
06:06No.
06:08The bookstore?
06:11Mom, is this true?
06:13Well, I'm sure I don't know what Marty's talking about,
06:17but it was probably back when we were an item.
06:20We were never an item!
06:22Now, I would like for you to leave.
06:24Now, Dad, calm down. Listen.
06:26I'm sure you can talk this over with Cora and have a good laugh afterwards.
06:30Ha ha! Very funny.
06:32Now that she's practically married to this guy.
06:35Oh, Martin, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't really...
06:38Apology not accepted.
06:40You went too far. We are no longer speaking.
06:43Marty!
06:44No, no, Mrs. Moon. Mrs. Moon.
06:46Shut up.
06:51Uh, Dad, we're leaving now.
06:54We're going over to the flower show,
06:56and after that we're going to go to a sporting goods store and buy a couple of bikes.
07:00Nice try, Frasier, but I'm too mad to laugh.
07:06Uh, well, this one has good lines.
07:09You have any without this bar here?
07:14You mean girl's bikes?
07:16Sure.
07:17Good, because my wife's a girl, and she'll need one of those.
07:21Nice.
07:23Maybe I'll go see how she's doing.
07:28No, we can't stay much longer.
07:30I mean, we're going to have to go.
07:33Yes, we can't stay much longer.
07:35I mean, one seems as good as the next.
07:37Is there anything else we need?
07:39Hmm, let me see.
07:40Oh, yes, I know. We need to know how to ride them.
07:46We will learn.
07:48Oh, as easy as that.
07:49Look at these machines, Frasier. These are bicycles.
07:54There's nothing between you and the ground but the ground itself.
07:57Yes, and if a child of four can ride one, then so can we.
08:01That's what we said when we were six.
08:05Daphne finds out she'll probably...
08:09Metal spokes. I like that.
08:12I guess you'd buy the horns separately.
08:21That was close.
08:23Niles, I am not going to look like an idiot at that bike-a-thon tonight.
08:29I'm going to a parking lot and come hell or high water, I am going to master cycling.
08:36You're welcome to join me.
08:39I guess I could sneak out.
08:42Perhaps it's time to slay the dragon.
08:44That's the stuff, brother.
08:47Call me crazy, but I like a bouncy tire.
08:52Two bouncy tires and a torque chain.
08:57That's good riding.
09:02Where did you learn all that? That was really good.
09:07A matter of confidence, Niles.
09:16All a matter of confidence.
09:20Well, perhaps two people who don't know how to ride bikes shouldn't try to teach each other.
09:26A good teacher doesn't yell at his student.
09:29Nor does a good teacher throw a stick at his student.
09:34I thought it would make you try harder.
09:37Oh, you're going to make a hell of a dad.
09:40What are we going to do?
09:42Let's not panic. We still have two days before the bike-a-thon.
09:46Surely the library has shelves devoted to this topic.
09:51I don't have time for that.
09:53Daphne wants to go biking tomorrow afternoon.
09:56Well, then you're just going to have to tell her that you don't know how to ride.
09:59I can't. It's too late.
10:01If I was going to do that, I should have done it at the bike store.
10:04But no!
10:07You! You said we could teach ourselves.
10:10Oh, you said no one would be the wiser.
10:13Two bouncy tires and a torque chain, you said.
10:16And now, look! My boots are bent!
10:19My pants are stuck! And there's blood on the headlight!
10:22And blood everywhere!
10:27Niles, that wasn't your fault.
10:32That jogger should have been wearing a reflective vest.
10:38Come and sit down. I'm going to get you a nice sherry.
10:47Hi, Fraser.
10:49Oh, hi, Russ. You're welcome to join me and Niles.
10:52Oh, I can't. I'm on my way to meet Alice and her sitter.
10:57Alice wants to practice riding her bicycle for Saturday.
11:00Really?
11:02She loves it.
11:04I mean, she had that bike one day before she made me take her training wheels off.
11:09Tell me, does she ever find that she feels as though her feet are frozen to the pedals,
11:16stuck in a confused, arhythmic battle between forward and reverse
11:22until finally, with no locomotive momentum whatsoever,
11:26she keels over like a felled tree?
11:31I don't think so.
11:33Oh, good, good, because that's a real thing that happens to some kids.
11:40Hey, Fraser.
11:42Oh, hi, dear. I'm Mrs. Lowe.
11:44Niles, darling.
11:46I'm afraid I have some bad news.
11:48What is it?
11:50Someone stole our new bikes.
11:57Oh, dear.
12:00Niles, my God, are you sure?
12:04Can I get a refill? That's terrible.
12:06You know, that's curious, Niles.
12:09Didn't that salesman say that nothing could break those titanium locks?
12:14You're right. I must not have locked them properly.
12:19Foolish Niles.
12:22You know, I spotted a couple of bikes in the storage room.
12:26I spotted a couple of bikes in the storage room behind the furnace.
12:31Perhaps you could borrow those.
12:33No, I don't think so.
12:35The theft has soured me on the whole bike experience.
12:38And what were you doing behind the furnace anyway?
12:41Drinking.
12:44Hello, Daphne.
12:46Niles.
12:47Frasier.
12:48Hello, Martin.
12:49How are the three of you doing?
12:52Mind if I join you?
12:54Oh, you're not still angry, are you?
13:00Coffee, please.
13:02Hi.
13:04Wow.
13:05Everybody's here today.
13:07Grab a seat. I'd love to have a lady sit next to me.
13:12Thanks, I can't. I'm on my way to the park.
13:14I just got a call from the babysitter.
13:16Alice did a wheelie.
13:21Well, I'll see you guys later.
13:23Bye-bye, Ross.
13:24Bye-bye.
13:26Well, someone's raising a real little show-off.
13:30Now, now, not everyone was meant to ride a bike.
13:33What does that mean?
13:35Well, I'm just saying that my boys are good at other things.
13:39Indoor things.
13:45Oh, no.
13:47You don't mean...
13:48Yes, Daphne.
13:50Frasier doesn't know how to ride a bike.
13:54Well, neither do you.
13:56Frasier!
13:57Well, she was bound to find out.
14:00We never learned.
14:02I tried teaching him, but I had to take him to the hospital so many times,
14:06social services started sniffing around.
14:12All these years, it's been our secret shame.
14:14Yes.
14:15And it hasn't been easy concealing it, either.
14:18I was always saying in conversation,
14:20it's just like riding a bike.
14:23I can smile and nod,
14:27but I only understand it in theory.
14:33We tried to teach ourselves to ride last night.
14:36Oh, can you imagine a sadder tableau,
14:38two grown men trying to gain mastery over a child's toy
14:42and failing miserably.
14:44Even more pathetic,
14:46a grown man faking the theft of his and his wife's bicycles.
14:51I disgust myself.
14:54I'm so sorry, Daphne.
14:56Niles, you've no need to apologize.
14:59Lots of people don't know how to ride.
15:01Really?
15:02Oh.
15:05It doesn't matter.
15:07I can take you to the park and teach you.
15:09I'll teach you both.
15:10Really, Daphne?
15:11Yeah.
15:12Daphne, I adore you.
15:15No, seriously, who?
15:20Thank you, Daphne.
15:22You know, I'm afraid my bike may be too damaged to ride.
15:25Oh, so we'll borrow one from someone in the building.
15:28I promise you, you two are going to learn how to ride bikes.
15:33You're a good wife, Daphne.
15:35And I'll bet you were a good daughter when your mother was alive.
15:46Helmet.
15:48Check.
15:50Head.
15:52Check.
15:54Cup.
15:56Check.
15:58All right.
16:00Now, remember, keep your eyes open and pedal quickly.
16:04I just want to get an idea of your individual skill levels.
16:08All right, everyone ready?
16:10And go!
16:14Okay.
16:16Good start.
16:18Now, let's try again, but this time further apart.
16:28Okay.
16:30I think this is going to be a bit tricky.
16:34Okay.
16:36I think this is going to be all right.
16:38Yeah, yeah, this isn't so bad.
16:40All right. And go!
16:47Yes, very.
16:49Yes, very!
16:51Ow!
16:53No!
16:56Ow!
17:03Yes!
17:33Yes!
18:03It's that damn sycamore.
18:17It's got a magnetic hold on it.
18:19That's because you keep focusing on it.
18:21Whatever you do, put it out of your mind.
18:24The more you think about it, the worse it gets.
18:26You're a cloud scutting across a clear blue sky.
18:31I'm a cloud, I'm a cloud.
18:33I'm a cloud, I'm a cloud.
18:35I'm a cloud.
18:37I'm a cloud.
18:41I am a cloud!
18:43I'm flying!
18:45Look, I'm riding a bike!
19:02I heard you, I'm coming.
19:12Hello.
19:18Oh, jeez.
19:23Look, I'm sorry. I'm still ticked.
19:27I'm not proud of it, but I have to do the right thing,
19:30and that means hold this grudge.
19:32Ah, you're talking to me. I knew you would.
19:40Oh, are you here to see Marty?
19:43Actually, I think not.
19:45No, no, this isn't what it looks like.
19:49I'm here to apologise.
19:52But since he's not talking to me, I guess I can say me peace to you.
19:57Now, first of all, don't be scared.
20:00I'm not a secret agent and I don't have a licence to kill.
20:06Back when I said all that to you, I wasn't really in me right mind anyway.
20:11I mean, I'd just separated from me husband and, well,
20:16maybe I hoped Marty would be some kind of knight in shining armour.
20:23But we were never a couple, though.
20:26It was a pretty rotten thing you did.
20:29Yes, I know, dear, just awful.
20:32But in me defence, I've done much worse.
20:38And besides, between you and the girl at the bookstore,
20:43I liked you better.
20:50Son of a bitch.
20:57Cora, hi, come on in.
21:01Hi, I ran into a friend of yours.
21:04She's no friend of mine.
21:07Well, she had some nice things to say about you.
21:10Maybe we could talk about it at dinner tomorrow.
21:14I thought you were seeing someone.
21:16I don't see him here.
21:20I guess not. Pick you up at seven?
21:23Seven it is.
21:26So, who's this girl from the bookstore?
21:31See you tomorrow.
21:44Never thought I'd see the day. This is really something.
21:49That's right, you faced your fears and you bested them.
21:52Yeah, thanks to you.
21:54And who knows, maybe this is just the beginning.
21:57There are still mountains to conquer.
21:59The diving board, for instance.
22:01Or cartwheels.
22:03Be careful out there, son.
22:05I will, Dad, thanks.
22:06I guess I better go take my place, huh?
22:08Okay, all right.
22:13Kenny, Julia.
22:14Hey, Doc.
22:15Hey.
22:16So, have a good ride.
22:18Not gonna happen.
22:20These shorts are already bunching me something fierce.
22:23Excuse me.
22:27Pretty exciting.
22:29Thrilling.
22:31You don't mind if we don't ride together, do you?
22:33I like to go at my own pace.
22:35No, not at all.
22:37You don't have to feel like you have to keep up.
22:42Right, well, what do you say we make it interesting?
22:45What do you have in mind?
22:47Last one to cross the finish line doubles the other's pledges.
22:52You're on.
22:53And I look forward to watching you write that big fact check.
22:58Frazier, remember, keep your eye on the road
23:01and don't fixate on anything you can crash into.
23:04Right.
23:05Good luck.
23:11Boy, I hope I can steer around that big mailbox right there.
23:17Ciao.
23:22Ciao.
23:34Frazier?
23:35Are you okay?
23:37I'll be all right.
23:39Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll catch up to you.
23:42Okay.
23:44Whoa.
23:50Oh, Lord.
23:52Pardon me. Beep, beep.
23:55Oh, God.
23:58Oh, no, no.
23:59Oh, dear God.
24:00Hey baby, I hear the blues are callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs, quite stylish.
24:21And maybe I seem a bit confused, yeah maybe, but I got you pegged, ha ha ha ha, but I don't
24:30know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
24:38They're callin' again, scrambled eggs all over my face, what is the boy to do?
24:47Good night, everybody!