Taskmaster NZ S05E03 (2024)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello.
00:01That's for the haters.
00:02Come here, come here.
00:03Take a little tea.
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here, come here.
00:07Take a little tea.
00:08Oh!
00:09Oh!
00:10Oh!
00:11Oh!
00:12Oh!
00:13Oh!
00:14Oh!
00:15Oh!
00:16Oh!
00:17Oh!
00:18Oh!
00:19Oh!
00:20Oh!
00:21Oh!
00:22Oh!
00:23Oh!
00:24Oh!
00:25Oh!
00:26Oh!
00:27Oh!
00:28Oh!
00:29Oh!
00:30Oh!
00:31Oh!
00:32Oh!
00:33Oh!
00:34Oh!
00:35Oh!
00:36Oh!
00:37Oh!
00:38Oh!
00:39Oh!
00:40Oh!
00:41Oh!
00:42Oh!
00:43Oh!
00:44Well done, Rongowai!
00:45That was fantastic!
00:46No matikimai, and welcome to Taskmailer.
00:47Thanks for joining us tonight unless you're somehow watching this illegally, in which
00:48case I'd like to say you're very naughty, and I hope you like jail because that's exactly
00:49where you're going.
00:50To the rest of you, though, my name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.
00:59Joining me on the stage tonight are four of Aotearoa's top 1,000 comedians.
01:05They are Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul and Tom Sainsbury.
01:18And as you may know, Tofinga Whipuli'a'i cannot be with us in the studio this season,
01:23so in his place, we're being haunted by ghosts from Taskmaster's past.
01:30Standing in tonight, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Matt Heath.
01:32It's an honour, it's an honour to be back.
01:36Next to me, as always, keeping track of the scores and adding them all up like a big calculator
01:41made of human meat, it's my trusty assistant, Paul Williams.
01:49I'm not wearing a wire.
01:54It makes me think that you are wearing a wire.
01:55Why would you say that?
01:56Well, I say it because I'm not wearing a wire.
01:59That's why I'd say it.
02:00Paul, we can literally see it.
02:01Like it's right there.
02:03In fact, we're all wearing them.
02:05It's how we're being heard right now.
02:08OK, but this one's wireless.
02:12All right, what's this week's prize task?
02:17Tonight, we have asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that you are confident
02:23that Jeremy has never owned in his life.
02:26Potentially very risky for our contestants, this one.
02:30Hayley?
02:31Yeah?
02:32What have you brought in?
02:33I've taken a stab in the dark here because I don't know you that well, Jeremy.
02:36So I have brought in something I assume you haven't owned, which is a My First Period
02:40kit.
02:41Well, Women's Day, Woman's Day, Women's Weekly and Woman Magazine, because you are now a
02:48woman.
02:49There's pads, there's tampons, there's some fresh period undies in there.
02:52There's just everything you would need for your first period.
02:54I'm assuming you haven't owned one of these before.
02:56No, but I do have a 14-year-old daughter.
02:59Well, you could share it with her.
03:03Matt, you are representing Tofinga tonight.
03:07What have you brought in?
03:08Well, I also don't know you that well, Jeremy, but you strike me as a sort of pampered kind
03:13of individual, so what I've brought in is something that you will never have experienced
03:19and it's normal, cheap, low thread count bed linen.
03:26That's not linen.
03:27That's polyester.
03:28I can smell it from here.
03:29Get it off the screen, I don't even want to see it.
03:32I don't want to see it.
03:33Let's move on.
03:34Tom?
03:35Okay, having broken into your house, I know that you've already got the Wellington Beehive
03:41version and you've already got the Uluru version, but have you got the Sydney Opera House puzzle?
03:48What?
03:49Do you like puzzles?
03:50I hate puzzles.
03:52Don't you like having fun?
03:56There's nothing fun about doing a puzzle.
03:58I mean, there's the picture.
03:59There it is there.
04:01It's been done before.
04:02We know it exists.
04:03I can honestly say I have never once done a puzzle.
04:07I've never picked up a piece to even do a puzzle.
04:10Have you ever got your staff to do it?
04:13I do a lot of puzzles.
04:15Abby?
04:16Yes?
04:17What did you bring in?
04:18I made you a bullet journal.
04:20I made it Jeremy's journal, top secret, and I've decorated it.
04:25On the next page, discreditude, you know, today I'm grateful for, and then on the next
04:31page, nice moments, you know, for example, being given this journal by my new friend
04:36Abby.
04:37That's beautiful.
04:38That is beautiful.
04:39It's very thoughtful.
04:40Thank you, Jeremy.
04:41I put it together.
04:42I sat at my coffee table and I said, I think he's going to like this, Abby, and my mum
04:47thinks so too.
04:48I think he or she says it's lovely, Abby.
04:53Ben?
04:54You know, people might think of you as being a sort of buttoned down, you know, clean cut
04:59high achiever, but I know for a fact you were kicked out of a number of high schools.
05:04Isn't that correct?
05:05One high school.
05:06Well, I was head boy of my high school.
05:10Were you?
05:11I was.
05:12Of Harwara High School.
05:13Just calm down.
05:14It just meant I didn't impregnate anybody.
05:16They give you a badge?
05:17They give you, they give you a plaque, Jeremy, and there it is there.
05:21I was head boy of Harwara High School in 1997.
05:24I guarantee you don't have a head boy plaque.
05:28They give you a plaque?
05:29Yeah.
05:30Like, like you might forget that you were head boy or something?
05:33I will never forget that.
05:35Is head boy still in your CV?
05:37I mean, Tom, I don't have a CV.
05:42People just sort of know.
05:43All right, how am I going to score this?
05:48Have you had any of these items before?
05:49I have had terrible linen, so I kind of feel like, Matt, you may come in for one point
05:57there.
05:58Tough moment.
05:59I have also had gratitude journals in the past, Abby, which means two for you.
06:03Ben, I don't like a gloater, so three for you.
06:07That's more than I was expecting, I'll be honest.
06:10Four for you, Hayley, and there is no way I've ever had a puzzle anywhere near me.
06:15Five points for Tom.
06:16Well done, Tom.
06:17Well done.
06:18Yum.
06:19OK, Paul, shall we get down to business?
06:24If you like marshmallows, just buy some at the shop.
06:27They're not expensive.
06:29And just eat them.
06:30Anyway, enjoy this task.
06:43Can't see him.
06:44Oh, he's there.
06:45Oh, it's a tiny little one.
06:48So cute.
06:49Fun little task you got there.
06:50So I put these on, I'm going to guess.
06:52Oh yeah, because this is tiny.
06:54I've actually got really good vision.
06:55I don't even really need these.
06:56So I still can't see it.
06:58If you can read it, that'll help.
07:00Throw a marshmallow over the wall.
07:03And catch it in your mouth.
07:04You must wear Zoom goggles, that's these, right?
07:08The whole time.
07:09Fewest attempts wins.
07:11You have until you catch a marshmallow in your mouth.
07:15Your time starts now.
07:17Your time starts now.
07:19Oh my gosh.
07:21How do I do that?
07:22How do I throw it over the wall and catch it in my own mouth?
07:24Well, that's the task.
07:26That's what you've got to figure out.
07:31Right, let's see some hilariously inaccurate marshmallow tossing.
07:36This time, it's women and children last.
07:39First up, it's the fellas Ben Toffinger and Tom.
07:42OK, here we go.
07:46Too far.
07:48Leave it.
07:53Oh, too far again.
07:54Don't even think about it.
08:02I reckon I can just run it down the wall.
08:05Oh, oh, oh, it hit my mouth.
08:08Oy, ya boy, ya boy.
08:15Oh no, that was so close.
08:17Come on, Paul.
08:18You've got to help me up.
08:19OK, sorry, you can do this.
08:21Oh man, it's too high.
08:23Come on, you might be able to do this.
08:30Leave it.
08:35It's in.
08:38Oh, five.
08:40Is it five?
08:41One, two, three, four, five.
08:45Thank you, Tom.
08:47Peace.
08:48Thank you, Toffinger.
08:49Want a marshmallow?
08:50Yes, please.
08:52Hey, bubby.
08:59Ben and Tom, how did that wall taste?
09:01Bricky?
09:04Definitely wasn't bricky.
09:06I think it tasted like crayons.
09:08You guys managed to get the marshmallows in your mouth,
09:11but Toffinger was the only person who managed to do it
09:14without looking like a complete numpty.
09:17Yeah, well, he didn't raise his head or open his mouth
09:20for the first five, so he looked cool for a while.
09:23The first time he actually opened his mouth and looked up,
09:26went straight in.
09:27Yeah, I thought his method was way off,
09:29but it looked really good when it happened.
09:31It looked so cool.
09:32So much better than us, Tom.
09:33Yeah.
09:34We're just a couple of wall lickers.
09:37Tom, 20 attempts.
09:39Toffinger, 19 attempts.
09:41Ben, only seven attempts.
09:43Oh my God.
09:45That's good, right?
09:46Yes.
09:47Yeah, OK.
09:48If you'd like to try this one at home,
09:50why not punch a big hole through a wall in your house
09:52and give it a go?
09:53You have the length of one ad break.
09:55Back soon with more Taskmaster.
09:57Ka kite aku e nei.
10:12Ka mai, hoki mai.
10:13Welcome back to Taskmaster.
10:15Paul, I believe we were mid-task
10:17before we were so rudely interrupted.
10:19That's right.
10:20Our contestants were tasked with throwing a marshmallow
10:22over a wall and catching it in their mouth,
10:25all while wearing a pair of Zoom goggles.
10:28Up next, her hair is the same colour as 50% of marshmallows.
10:32It's Hayley Sproul.
10:36Oh, for God's sake, Paul.
10:38My arm's just too short.
10:39I want like a little pincer.
10:41There might be tongs in the kitchen.
10:43Can you take me?
10:44Yeah.
10:45Don't you fall, cos it'll be a real mess.
10:49OK, have you ever looked after an old woman?
10:52No.
10:53You'll be quite good, Paul.
10:55You've got a gentle way.
10:57Jeepers creepers.
11:03Oh, no.
11:05That was my worst one yet.
11:07I need to create some sort of funnel system, I think.
11:10Yeah, great.
11:11OK, I think this is good.
11:15Oh.
11:25Yay!
11:28There you go.
11:29Great.
11:30I think there was some real Kiwi ingenuity on display there,
11:33but you probably say pushing the boundaries
11:36of what you would say the word catch.
11:39I caught it.
11:40We saw me catch it.
11:43You caught it with a funnel.
11:45It just felt a bit droppy to me.
11:48It was not droppy, it was throwy catchy.
11:51Also, my agent is going to be talking to production
11:53about that shot.
11:54You've done me dirty there.
11:56Go crazy internet, make the memes, all that.
12:01I would say Ben and Tom's staying quite quiet in this discussion.
12:04Aren't they?
12:05There was quite a vertical drop from their throws as well.
12:09We've got to go to ads, I think.
12:11We just came back from an ad.
12:13Whereas my team was quite clearly...
12:15Yeah.
12:16No-one's debating that Twofinger did a great job.
12:18Let's just come back to this in a second,
12:20because I can't help but notice that we've left one person to last.
12:23She's a queen and she's generating a lot of buzz.
12:27It's Abby.
12:31I reckon I'm going to do it right away.
12:35OK, I'm going to look at the task again.
12:37OK.
12:38There's going to be another way.
12:40Throw a marshmallow over the wall and catch it in your mouth.
12:45It doesn't necessarily say at the same time.
12:48If I throw a marshmallow over the wall
12:50and then catch it in my mouth,
12:52I'm still kind of doing it.
12:54Incoming!
12:58Nice. Part one done.
13:00Now catch it in my mouth.
13:03OK.
13:06Right, there was a bus pull.
13:08We're coming back for another one.
13:09Throw it over the wall.
13:11Catch it in my mouth.
13:15OK, there was a bus as well pull.
13:17Throw it over the wall.
13:19Catch it in my mouth.
13:23OK, there was a bus too.
13:25Throw it over the wall.
13:26Catch it in my mouth.
13:32Good dammit.
13:35Ah, mustn't get stressed, Abby.
13:38No one's dying.
13:40OK.
13:46Wow, cool.
13:50I think this is the first time on Taskmaster
13:53that someone's ever found a loophole
13:55that's actually made it harder to complete the task.
13:58It truly did not occur to me to put my hand through the hole.
14:03Paul passed you the task through the hole.
14:06Oh God, my whole life it's like,
14:08don't put your hand in the hole.
14:11So how many times did it take Abby to actually get...
14:13So nine times.
14:15OK.
14:16You see, I feel like the task was really to
14:19throw it over and catch it in the same kind of action.
14:22And so I'm going to disqualify Abby.
14:27But these guys were dropping as well, were they?
14:29They were all dropping.
14:30So unfortunately, you all get no points.
14:34And Tofinga gets five points.
14:36Team Tofinga.
14:40Unbelievable.
14:42OK, Paul, so how's the scoreboard looking?
14:44On six points in the lead, it's Tofinga.
14:49All right.
14:51Let's barrel on to another task, I reckon.
14:53It's time for the old switcheroo.
15:01Hi.
15:03Hello, Ben.
15:04Hi.
15:05Hello, Tom.
15:06Hello, Tofinga.
15:07Hey, mate.
15:12Lamps.
15:14Let there be light.
15:16You like lamps?
15:17I love lamp.
15:20Turn on a lamp in the lab.
15:23You must be seated at the desk in the study
15:26when the lamp turns on.
15:29You have one hour maximum.
15:31Your time starts now.
15:33Oh, yeah, there we go.
15:35Salt lamp.
15:36Positive ions.
15:37Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
15:43Auto.
15:45Auto.
15:49Woof.
15:50Woof.
15:51Can I turn on the lamp sexually?
15:53Yeah.
15:59Abby, how do you arouse a lamp?
16:02They're already pretty hard, that's right.
16:07OK, shall we see how everyone went?
16:09The starting initials of these comedians are T, B, A.
16:13OK, I'll announce them now.
16:15They're T, B and A.
16:17It's Tom, Ben and Abby.
16:19I'm going to try to turn on this one.
16:21Just based on...
16:22Vibe.
16:23Boo!
16:24OK, that's my guy.
16:26That's my guy, right.
16:28I need, like, a pulley system.
16:30I need to make a sound in there while sitting here.
16:32Like if I got some string?
16:34I could pull something and it could make a noise.
16:39Nice.
16:40This looks pretty loud.
16:41So what's the plan?
16:42I'm just going to sit up there and pull the string
16:45and it's going to pull this over and make a loud noise
16:48and that's going to go on.
16:52See if it works.
16:54There's nothing.
16:56Come on.
17:02Oh, no, it broke!
17:06OK, I need the rope.
17:08Turns out the yarn's no good.
17:10How are we doing over there?
17:15Yeah, I feel like this should work.
17:18We'll give this one a go.
17:20OK.
17:22What's happening?
17:32Come on!
17:35I'm going to glue it to the table.
17:37OK.
17:38Oh, my God!
17:44I'm just going to go and give it a go.
17:47Ow!
17:48It's giving me rope burn!
17:52LAUGHTER
18:05Yes!
18:07Ah!
18:08Yes!
18:12Stop the clock.
18:16Well done.
18:19What was quite interesting was watching the difference
18:21between Tom pulling his piece of yarn
18:24like a young schoolboy pulling on a piece of wool
18:27and then you pulling it,
18:28and you look like you're reeling in a marlin.
18:30His yarn was actually digging into a bit of wall quite hard
18:34and has damaged the house.
18:36Oh, yeah.
18:37I don't think people appreciate...
18:39So there's, like, multiple stairwells, right?
18:41So you have to kind of hook it around a whole lot of stuff
18:44to kind of get the pulley system going.
18:46I don't know. I guess I was just lucky.
18:49It only required a gentle touch, Ben.
18:51It's not my way, Jeremy.
18:53Bullet a gate is how they call me.
18:55He can't help but be an alpha.
18:57Yeah.
18:58So...
18:59Wow!
19:00I hated that.
19:02Abby, you went with the glue.
19:04Yeah.
19:05I'm also thankful that I spent, I would say,
19:07a really significant amount of time
19:09trying to turn on the lamp sexually,
19:11and I'm glad they didn't show it.
19:15She did write a letter,
19:17quite a saucy letter, to one of the lamps.
19:20Yeah, the lamp left me on read, unfortunately.
19:23Oh!
19:24The LS.
19:25Overall, 28 minutes and 57 seconds for Abby.
19:28Ben, 25 minutes and 1 second.
19:31And Tom, a mere 9 minutes and 45 seconds.
19:34Oh!
19:35Wow!
19:37Have we got time for one more?
19:39We sure do, Jeremy.
19:40And if a lightbulb went off above his head
19:42every time he had a good idea,
19:44this guy's power bill would be through the roof.
19:47It's Tofinga.
19:48I must be seated at the desk in the study.
19:51Press the desk down here, mate.
19:53So you want us to bring the desk...
19:55Bring the desk...
19:56Down.
19:57Yep, in the seat.
19:59You'll be seated at the desk that's in the study,
20:02but the desk will be here.
20:03Yeah.
20:06OK.
20:13This one's cool, eh?
20:25Need a handful.
20:27It's OK.
20:37You tell me when.
20:39Ready.
20:42Easy.
20:46Thank you, Paul.
20:49Shall I take the desk back up, then?
20:51Yeah, if you can do that, please, mate.
20:53OK.
20:55Oh, my God.
20:58Matt, you've got to say that I think you found quite a good loophole.
21:01Yeah, work smarter, not harder.
21:04I mean, where did it say that you had to be in the study?
21:07The wording was, at the desk in the study.
21:10I think I can say that we will accept Taufinga's efforts.
21:14Yes.
21:15And I think he'll be judged on his time.
21:18And I'm sure his time was incredibly fast.
21:21Well, the desk was quite heavy.
21:23Yeah.
21:24So 28 minutes and 28 seconds.
21:27Well, that's on you.
21:28He can't be blamed for the laziness of his staff.
21:31Honestly, 28...
21:32If you knew how hard it was to move that desk...
21:35Well, Team Taufinga, we appreciate that.
21:37We appreciate your service.
21:39We've just seen four comedians approach to turning on a lamp.
21:42So what on earth has the other one done?
21:45We'll find out after the break.
21:47See you soon.
21:59Nau mai, hoki mai.
22:00Welcome back to Taskmaster,
22:01New Zealand's most cutting-edge TV show.
22:03Tonight, we're watching people turn on lamps.
22:06Yes, but this isn't your grandmother's lamp-turning-on-TV show.
22:09All right, Paul, let's see how our last contestant went.
22:12Like I'm greeting a friend whose first name is Lee
22:15and surname is Sproul.
22:17Hey, Lee Sproul.
22:20I'm going to go for this guy, I think.
22:24OK, I need to time something loud.
22:26OK.
22:28You're going to have to just be so quiet, Paul.
22:31OK.
22:32Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
22:35OK.
22:38How will I know?
22:41Did it happen, Paul?
22:43You told me not to make noise.
22:48Did it not turn on?
22:50No.
22:51Did the jug boil?
22:52Yeah.
22:56OK, I'm going to try again.
22:58It's not a candle, eh, Lee?
23:00Oh, bastard.
23:03That's not a candle!
23:17Did it work?
23:18Yes.
23:19When I was upstairs?
23:20No.
23:21When?
23:22You were on the stairs.
23:24I think the jug boiled too quickly cos it was hot.
23:28If I call out your name, call back to me.
23:31I'm just scared that my voice might activate the light.
23:34That's the point, that's not a rule, that can't happen.
23:41Paul!
23:45Is it on?
23:46I thought you called me.
23:47No!
23:49Just say yes.
23:51Paul, if you can hear me, say, I hear you!
23:54Yes, I can hear you.
23:56OK.
23:57So what is it that you're not understanding?
23:59What do you mean?
24:00So did you hear me call Paul?
24:02Not well.
24:03Right, but you heard it?
24:06Yeah.
24:07I'll say, Paul!
24:09Hello.
24:10Yeah, but wait till I'm upstairs and then you're going to go, yes!
24:15Yes!
24:17The jug only just ended.
24:19Are you going to boil the jug?
24:20OK, Paul, I'm abandoning the jug.
24:22You didn't give the jug a chance.
24:24I gave it three chances.
24:25I don't think so.
24:26You came down before...
24:27Hey, hey, hey!
24:31Paul!
24:33Yes!
24:37How loud did you...?
24:39Loud.
24:40Shot example for me.
24:42Yes!
24:43It's Paul...
24:46I think the jug is a good idea.
24:50OK, are you ready?
24:51Yeah.
24:52I require nothing of you anymore, Paul.
24:54OK.
24:56Does it all work?
24:58Yeah.
24:59OK.
25:00Do you want a cup of tea?
25:01Um...
25:07That just about killed me.
25:09Just about killed you?
25:11Yeah, how many times did Hayley yell at you?
25:13I don't know.
25:14I don't know.
25:15I don't know.
25:16I don't know.
25:17I don't know.
25:18I don't know.
25:19I don't know.
25:20I don't know.
25:21I don't know.
25:22I don't know.
25:23I don't know.
25:24How many times did Hayley yell at you?
25:26Uh...
25:2719.
25:29But then, basically, Paul was telling you,
25:31use the jug.
25:32I know.
25:33The jug was working well for you.
25:34It wasn't, but I thought...
25:35I was like, it's taking too long,
25:36and you may see me going like this the whole time.
25:38The room was getting so hot with the jug steam.
25:41And I was running up and down the stairs,
25:43then making that room hot.
25:45It was just hot.
25:46So I was like, let's just use a human.
25:48Should we talk timings?
25:49Yes.
25:50So, Hayley, 19 minutes and 56 seconds.
25:53So, one point for Abbey, two points for Tuffinger,
25:56three points for Ben, four points for Hayley,
25:58and the winner with five points, Tom Sainsbury.
26:01I never win anything.
26:05Would you do me the honour of bringing me another task,
26:08please, Paul?
26:09If you hate spoilers, and you'd like to run to the bathroom
26:12or go and get some popcorn or a choc-top,
26:14this next task is the time to do it.
26:23Hello, Paul.
26:24Hello, Abbey.
26:25You all right, Paul?
26:26Hello, Tuffinger.
26:27Ooh.
26:29What have we got here?
26:31Horror, OK.
26:32OK, we've got genres here.
26:35Give it a nice, firm spin.
26:44Courtroom drama.
26:47Fantasy.
26:49Martial arts?
26:52Sci-fi.
26:54I would kind of hope for war.
26:59Do I have to make a 15-minute short film that's a sword and sand?
27:03Film a trailer for a movie about this trailer.
27:07This trailer?
27:08Yeah.
27:09In the style of your given genre.
27:12Best trailer, trailer wins.
27:15You have 45 minutes. Your time starts now.
27:18It has to be about the trailer.
27:20Yeah, the trailer has to feature prominently, I think.
27:23Does it have to be a trailer?
27:25You can use this any way you want.
27:27I could turn it into a spaceship.
27:29It's sort of military grey, isn't it?
27:31Yeah, I think this is like a military courtroom drama.
27:34I don't know what kind of fantasy to go about.
27:36Fantasy as in, like, elves.
27:39Or fantasy as in the stuff that I think about.
27:45Abbey, your mind has gone straight to war.
27:48Yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy military strategy.
27:53What?
27:54It makes sense. It's like a puzzle, except people die.
27:58Whose trailer are we going to see first?
28:00Up first, with his martial arts trailer trailer, it's Tofinga.
28:05What are you doing here?
28:07I live here.
28:08In this trailer?
28:10Uh-huh.
28:12Why don't your family love you?
28:14I'm nobody.
28:16I'll always be nobody.
28:18Well, I'm going to make you into somebody.
28:20Inhale.
28:22Exhale.
28:28Nobody.
28:30It's all in the balance.
28:35You can do it.
28:40And now your final challenge.
28:42To defeat the trailer.
28:47Amazing.
28:53Speed.
28:55That hurt.
28:58Nobody.
29:00Are you ready?
29:02I'm ready.
29:03Nobody.
29:04You are now somebody.
29:13Whoa, wow.
29:15I love a training montage when the main piece of advice is inhale, outhale.
29:20It's a beautiful mantra.
29:22Sometimes you've just got to remember to breathe.
29:24Why did you choose to kick the trailer so weakly?
29:28Well, monthly didn't seem like enough.
29:34Okay, well that's enough terrible short films made by amateurs for now.
29:38It's time to watch some terrible short films made by professionals, the ads.
29:42We'll see you after these.
29:55Tēnā koutou katoa.
29:57Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,
29:59the show where comedians go head to head in the hopes of winning a souvenir from Ben Hurley's glory days.
30:05Paul, what are we doing here?
30:07Our contestants have been tasked with making a trailer featuring a trailer in their randomly selected genre.
30:13Who's up next, Paul?
30:14It's Ben and his trailer for a courtroom drama.
30:18In a world of war...
30:20Direct your fire, it's a trailer!
30:22It's that Yankee trailer!
30:25...there are leaders and trailers.
30:28We're under heavy fire! I'm going in alone!
30:31You stay where you are, soldier.
30:34Sometimes a trailer...
30:39...doesn't want to trail.
30:44Hey!
30:47No! Retreat! Retreat!
30:52Trailer, that charge you pulled might have killed all of the enemy,
30:55but you put everybody in a platoon at risk.
30:57You're under arrest!
30:59What?
31:01Order! Order!
31:04I'm a trailer, not a traitor.
31:07Sometimes the strongest...
31:08Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
31:10...come from behind.
31:12Oh, sure. Sometimes those indicators ain't working.
31:15But you will see that the only thing that my client is guilty of
31:19is being the bravest damn trailer this man's army has ever seen!
31:23Surely a trailer is supposed to be behind a car!
31:26In a way, aren't we all trailers?
31:30Bailiff, what is your verdict?
31:32The jury finds the defendant...
31:38...a few good trailers.
31:43Yes, that was good.
31:45Maybe it says something about me, but I really want to see that.
31:48Same!
31:50There's a little bit of that trailer in all of us.
31:52Can you tell us? What was the verdict?
31:54Yeah.
31:55Was it guilty or not guilty?
31:56Spoiler, it's fine.
31:57Can you tell us?
31:58You'll find out this spring.
32:00I thought the CG on the trailer was pretty amazing.
32:03I mean, you could only see the hand about half the time.
32:06Yeah.
32:07Also, in terms of strategy, I think just rushing the enemy...
32:11Just rushing the enemy never really works very well.
32:14Yeah, right.
32:15What about the charge of the light brigade?
32:17Checkmate.
32:19OK, Paul, give me another trailer trailer, please.
32:22Up next with her science fiction trailer trailer,
32:25lights, camera, Abbey.
32:31Video log 4573.
32:33Day 56.
32:35Year 27.
32:37Month 9.
32:41Time to cool off your bits, Houston.
32:43I think I've finally found us a planet.
32:46Initiating landing sequence.
32:56This is a small step for man, but a giant leap for me.
33:02Cos I've got short legs.
33:05Atmosphere seems pretty clear to me.
33:09Vegetation is sparse, but the soil looks dead.
33:17What's this?
33:19There shouldn't be a broom here.
33:24I've got to get back on the ship.
33:27Captain's log, captain's log.
33:29I've just been outside into the planet.
33:32I've just been outside into the planet.
33:34There's someone there.
33:36Get me out of here.
33:38If I don't come back, please pass on a message to my son.
33:43I'm sorry.
33:45Not responding.
33:46What do you mean you're not responding?
33:49I've got to get off this planet.
34:03I did not see that creep coming at the end.
34:06Jean-Pierre.
34:07Jean-Pierre from Abbey's Goal Celebration.
34:10Of course.
34:11Episode 1.
34:12Yeah, I also realised I used...
34:15I really relied on my acting to sell that.
34:18And I shouldn't have.
34:21Well, the interesting part was you said it in the future in 2027.
34:26Yeah, yeah.
34:27Which, for someone of my age, is only about three provisional tax payments away.
34:31Oh, you know, our boy Elon Musk, he'll get us up there.
34:36OK, who's next, Paul?
34:37It's time for a sword and sandals epic.
34:40Here's Tom Sainsbury.
34:41In a world of swords and Birkenstock sandals,
34:45there was Lactatious and his chariot trailer.
34:50Quick, Lactatious.
34:51The Williamsonites are taking the citadel.
34:55Well, I'm not going anywhere without my chariot trailer.
35:02Jesus Zeus, you made me a gladiator.
35:06Lactatious, you must fight the wild beasts for the entertainment of the people!
35:16Yes!
35:26As a reward for killing that rhino right and proper,
35:29we're sending you across the Mediterranean.
35:35Here I am, on the shores of Breastedonious.
35:39Will I ever be reunited with my chariot trailer ever again?
35:44Anguish!
35:47Will Lactatious ever be reunited with his chariot trailer,
35:51coming to cinemas 2025?
35:55Really good.
35:57OK, Tom, so any reason why you decided that Paul would suit the name Lactatious?
36:02I don't know where that came from.
36:04I think, you know, there were lots of nude mannequins floating about
36:07and I think it was just playing on...
36:08I think the female form was just playing on my mind.
36:11Some boys just look like they like milk.
36:15You do like milk?
36:16I like milk a lot, yeah.
36:18Yeah, there we go.
36:19Right, there should be one last trailer in here.
36:22There should be one last trailer, is there?
36:25That's right.
36:26And it's a fantasy trailer from the twisted mind of Hayley Sproul.
36:31Once upon a time in Faydale,
36:33where a myriad of creatures once roamed free,
36:36a wary fairy and a travelling beast
36:40form one of the deepest relationships of all time.
36:45Hello, fairy.
36:46Hello, travelling beast.
36:48What sell you in that trailer of yours?
36:50If you want to see the wares of my trailer,
36:52you have to come inside it.
36:54I have little in the way of money.
36:56Perhaps you could pay me, travelling beast, in other ways.
37:00I have literally no money.
37:02Hmm.
37:03Perhaps you could instead...
37:05F*** me.
37:06F*** me.
37:07Shove it in.
37:08F***.
37:09F***.
37:10F***.
37:11F***.
37:12Up the...
37:13And then I'll...
37:14F*** you.
37:15F***.
37:16Then you can...
37:17And I have one of those.
37:18Whoa.
37:19What say you, beast?
37:21OK.
37:23Grab on.
37:24The Lust of the Fairies.
37:27A tale of love, betrayal...
37:29Why?
37:30..and an unexpected pregnancy.
37:36Ah.
37:37Will I ever see you again?
37:39I don't know.
37:40If my father finds out I literally f***ed the living s***
37:43out of a travelling beast, he'll never forgive me.
37:46You are no daughter of mine.
37:49Run, beast.
37:50You must go.
37:51Now.
37:52Go, beast.
37:53Leave!
37:55A wary fairy and a travelling beast
37:58face a father's wrath for love.
38:02Pregnant.
38:04SHE COUGHS
38:11Wow.
38:12I wasn't actually aware they were going to bleep that.
38:14I'm sort of disappointed.
38:16It's a great story, I've got to say.
38:18I got a bit hot under the...
38:19Got me going.
38:20Well, that's what it's supposed to do, you know.
38:22It's really leaning into that sort of smut era.
38:24It makes me feel physically sick.
38:25Yeah, right.
38:26The look on your face when the fairy explained
38:28what she was going to do to you,
38:30you'd never heard those words before.
38:32No, and I haven't heard them since.
38:34Yet you still went, OK.
38:39All right, this is going to be quite hard to score
38:41because I really enjoyed all of those,
38:43but I'm going to give Abbie a point.
38:45I'm going to give Tom two points
38:47because I think as a published director and actor,
38:50I was expecting a lot.
38:51Oh, dear.
38:52Fair call, fair call.
38:53I think Tofinga should get three points.
38:56Four points for Hayley,
38:58and I thought five points for Ben Hurley.
39:00Oh, yeah, really good.
39:01I thought that was very good.
39:03Yay!
39:04OK, we're about to cut to some ads,
39:06but if you make it through them,
39:08I've got a real treat for you.
39:10A special live task.
39:12We'll be back right after this.
39:14APPLAUSE
39:26Nomai hoki mai.
39:27Welcome back to Taskmaster,
39:28where our five brave comedians
39:30are about to take to the stage for a live task.
39:33But first, let's see who's in
39:35with a chance of winning this episode.
39:37Paul, what are the scores?
39:39It's very close.
39:40In joint second on 11, it's Ben and Tofinga,
39:43and in first equal on 12, it's Hayley and Tom.
39:46OK.
39:47Oh, Hayley!
39:48Nice and close.
39:49Here we go.
39:50That time.
39:51And Abbey's on four.
39:53LAUGHTER
39:55Humbling, yeah.
39:56Right, let's get on with our live task,
39:58and contestants, please head up to the stage.
40:01APPLAUSE
40:06OK, Paul, what sick, twisted game
40:08have you thought up for us tonight?
40:10Hayley, could you please do us the honours of explaining it?
40:13It would be my honour.
40:15In your teams,
40:16take turns to each roll an office chair
40:18towards the edge of the stage.
40:20You must roll your chair from behind the line.
40:23The closest team chair to the edge of the stage wins one point.
40:28Any chairs that go over the edge will lose their team one point.
40:33Best score over three rounds wins.
40:39Wow!
40:40I'm happy with that.
40:42Reflecting.
40:45Oh!
40:46CHEERING
40:52Oh!
40:57Oh, it's a nice shot, though.
40:59It's hopped slightly.
41:00Curly!
41:01CHEERING
41:04Beautiful. That's perfect.
41:07Oh, my God!
41:1140.5.
41:1332.
41:14Yes!
41:17Yeah, nice.
41:18Nice. Stop, stop, stop.
41:19Go, go, go, go, go.
41:22Go, go, go, go, go.
41:23Oh, that's so good. That is so good.
41:27Good, that's good.
41:30Oh, no, too much.
41:31No, you're all right.
41:32It's OK, it's OK.
41:36You got us a couple of centimetres there.
41:38Yeah, yeah.
41:39Oh!
41:41No!
41:42No!
41:44Yeah!
41:45No!
41:47Dirty!
41:48One point for Team Red.
41:50We need to get all of these off, and we need to win one.
41:56Oh, smart.
42:01Oh, that's a beautiful roll.
42:04Oh, you dirty...
42:05Dirty duck!
42:06Oh!
42:07Oh!
42:12Oh!
42:15Minus one for Black.
42:17I don't want to play it too safe.
42:20What is that?
42:21Can you sell me the pail?
42:23I think if she crosses the line and touches the ground, it's void.
42:27Old fun sponge over here, eh?
42:31OK.
42:33Hang on!
42:37Minus one.
42:40Minus two.
42:41One to go.
42:49Minus four.
42:51Plus one for Black.
42:55We're going into sudden death.
42:57One roller from each team closest to the edge of the stage wins.
43:02Three, two, one...
43:06Too much.
43:12That's one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
43:15Come on down and we'll score it.
43:23I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:25Yes.
43:26Team Black won.
43:27How do you want to score it?
43:29Team of two get two points.
43:31Team of three get three points.
43:33OK.
43:36So how's everything looking for the overall series results so far?
43:40It's unbelievably close.
43:41There's only five points in it.
43:43But with a one-point lead in first, it's Hayley Sproul!
43:49But what about tonight's winner?
43:52With 15 points, the winner of episode three is...
43:56Tom Sainsbury!
43:59Congratulations, Tom.
44:01You are now the proud owner of some things that I have never owned myself.
44:05Head up to the stage and enjoy your haul.
44:10As we wrap up another successful episode,
44:13it's time to look back and reflect on what we've learned.
44:16We've learned that sometimes a wall has a hole in it for a reason.
44:20We've learned it's a lot easier to turn on a lamp
44:23when you're in the same room as it.
44:25We've learned that there is life on other planets
44:28and it looks a lot like Paul Williams.
44:31But most importantly of all,
44:33we've learned that Tom Sainsbury is the winner of episode three.
44:37Ka kite anō!
44:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:54Choo-hoo!
44:56Tell me more.
44:58It's season five and we're running out of ideas.
45:01That's hard.
45:03Oh, no! My man!
45:05This all makes me think maybe I need to get tested.
45:08You know what? I don't want any points. That task was dumb.
45:11It's probably my favourite task of all time.