Taskmaster NZ S05 E02

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00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11Hee hee hee hee.
00:12Kirikou koutou, and welcome to the second episode of season 5 of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:39season five of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:42My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me
00:45playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3
00:47under the pseudonym Deathlord69,
00:51here in this room I am known by the far more threatening
00:54title of the Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight, five comedians will compete in a series of absurd
01:03and pointless tasks in a desperate bid to get their hands
01:07on this, a beautiful golden trophy made to look exactly
01:12like the head of late 90s television icon Newsboy.
01:16Competing for this trophy and what remains of their dignity,
01:20we have Abbie Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayes Sproul,
01:29and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, representing Te Whingatipulea'i
01:36here in the studio, she's a winner of life
01:38and a loser of Taskmaster, Madeleine Samy.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question,
01:47what if you combined Siri and Alexa and turned them
01:50into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams.
01:59All right, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always, we begin with a prize task.
02:03We've asked each contestant to bring in the secret
02:07to their success.
02:11Some very successful people up on stage here.
02:14Let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure, the secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie
02:20starring Michael J. Fox, The Secret to My Success.
02:27I actually still have this, I taped this off TV,
02:30probably somewhere in the early 90s on a repeat.
02:33So it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:36Oh, Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:39I've actually brought in my mother,
02:40in the 90s specifically, and just a moment for the haircut.
02:46But I'm not gonna give you my mother
02:47because I still need her quite a bit.
02:50I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me
02:53to practice my scales every day on the piano.
02:56I think we have a little clip of her.
02:59Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:03Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:08You slam that piano lid one more time
03:10and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:14I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum
03:20is former Mother of the Nation, Judy Bailey?
03:22Very similar.
03:24I don't know why, but I've got a Judy Bailey
03:25having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe when I look at her.
03:30From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:32Yeah.
03:37Let's move on to Natalie.
03:40Oh, the secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:45Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night
03:47and it's what wakes me up in the morning.
03:48It's the reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take it home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:57Yeah.
03:58At least I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:01Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am
04:03and I've written out my gratitude journal
04:05and just done some meditation,
04:06I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha.
04:12Oh, okay.
04:14But it's got some special ingredients.
04:16So I think we'll just look at the ingredients
04:17that we've got there.
04:18So we've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing
04:22and may contain traces of imposter syndrome.
04:24So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that
04:27and you're away.
04:28Very neurotically.
04:30Should it glow in the dark,
04:31like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:32Yeah.
04:34Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think.
04:37Abbey.
04:38Yes.
04:39What did you bring in?
04:40I brought in my autism assessment sheet.
04:47So I have it and I think my best qualities
04:51are my autistic qualities.
04:52I know heaps about cool stuff,
04:54like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera.
04:57And I can't tell a lie
05:00and I take everything very literally.
05:02As part of the prize, does the autism come with
05:05or just the confirmation?
05:07You wish.
05:09I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, same.
05:12Oh my gosh, honestly.
05:14Oh, you've started it.
05:15Once you get into it.
05:17It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh?
05:19It wasn't, that's a bit of a fallacy.
05:21Yes, a lot of rich people died.
05:22A lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh, boo.
05:25Yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about
05:30being in that situation, you know?
05:32It's like, you're on the boat and
05:34all the men were very gentle.
05:36Sorry.
05:37All the men were very gentlemanly.
05:38No, the men were nice.
05:39The men were good.
05:40Men are nice.
05:41They get a rough time.
05:41There were some baddies though.
05:43Billy Zane's character.
05:45Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:46Yes, that's a really funny joke,
05:47but actually, it's not historically accurate.
05:53Duh, Paul.
05:54Paul.
05:56Okay, should we score it?
05:58We should.
05:59Oh, one point's going to me, Madeleine.
06:01Oh, no one wants that.
06:04It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:06Ben's gonna get two.
06:07Two.
06:08Hayley's gonna get three.
06:10Okay.
06:11Four points for Tom.
06:13For the kombucha.
06:14And Abby's gonna get five points.
06:16Yeah.
06:20Let's get to the first proper task of the episode,
06:23shall we, Paul?
06:24And we'll see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:35Hi, P.W.
06:36Hi, T.S.
06:38You all right, Paul?
06:39Yes.
06:40Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:42Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:45It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:47All right.
06:49Don't push that over, please.
06:52Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:56You must follow the instructions
06:58written on every block you remove.
07:00Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:06You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11Okay, I guess you're underway.
07:18So, am I allowed to say
07:19this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:22No, it's legally very different from Jenga.
07:26Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:28Yes.
07:29This is four, so it's a completely different thing.
07:31Totally.
07:31Okay, well, who are we gonna see play this brand new game
07:35that you've invented?
07:36Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley, and Howells.
07:41Okay.
07:43All right.
07:45Give the next three blocks a name
07:47and introduce them to Paul.
07:50Paul, I'd like you to meet Diane.
07:53Hello, Diane.
07:54Diane's very well-to-do.
07:55Oh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:57Write a beautiful poem and read it out
08:00while removing the next block.
08:02Block, block, you never mock.
08:06Just like a nice warm sock.
08:10Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:13I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:15She's Diane's sister.
08:16She's also quite fancy, quite racist as well.
08:20Sing a brand new original song about removing blocks.
08:23I love to remove blocks every day.
08:27I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:30Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:33Block, block, you never mock.
08:36Just like a lovely warm sock.
08:39This is Gavin.
08:40Gavin is down and out.
08:43I've been there.
08:43I am there.
08:45The next block may only be pushed.
08:48The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:50Remove the next block with your feet.
08:53The next block you remove must be orange.
08:55Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
08:59Well done, old chap.
09:01Remove the next block
09:02while standing at least one meter away.
09:04Remove the next block
09:06while standing at least one meter away.
09:13Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:19Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:22Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:25Freeze for 20 seconds
09:26while halfway through removing the next block.
09:35Remove the next block while standing at least two meters away.
09:38Oh, come on.
09:39Can I have the tennis balls?
09:40OK.
09:43Imagine if this just flies out.
09:54Oh!
09:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:00Oh!
10:02Oh!
10:03Oh!
10:05Oh!
10:07Oh, no!
10:12Did you see that coming?
10:14Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:17The risky one.
10:23Heads.
10:28Watch out.
10:30Blew my neck.
10:32I didn't get it out.
10:33I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:36I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:39but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:48Unreal.
10:50I think I speak for everyone here.
10:52I say that is possibly the greatest thing
10:54that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand.
10:56Yeah.
10:58To be honest, yeah, I kind of wanted to just retire
11:00from Taskmaster at that point. Yeah.
11:02Like, leave on a high.
11:03Retire from life, man.
11:04Yeah, true.
11:05Valhalla awaits.
11:11Hayley, you were tasked at one stage
11:13with giving the blocks names.
11:16Yeah, Paulette and Diane.
11:17You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:20One was racist.
11:21Yes.
11:22I think that's Paulette.
11:23She's quite racist.
11:24She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:27but she'd like to take a photo.
11:30This is very triggering for me.
11:32I don't know.
11:33Come, darling, I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling.
11:35Come into my home. I'll do anything for free food.
11:38There you go. I'm a stereotype.
11:40Abby, talk us through the creative process
11:42of writing the song.
11:43I love to remove blocks every day.
11:46I like to live my life in a precious way.
11:50Quite a few times I would do a task
11:52and then come back and sit in my little room and think,
11:54am I insane?
11:57And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:00So the stats.
12:01Yes.
12:01Hayley removed 18 blocks.
12:04That's good.
12:04Ben, 20 blocks.
12:06Okay, that's better.
12:07That's better.
12:08Abby, 28 blocks.
12:09Oh, my goodness.
12:11She was speedy.
12:12Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:15All right, well, that is the end of part one.
12:18Join us for part two in just a moment
12:19where our comedians will probably
12:21just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:23We'll see you then.
12:27Tēnā koutou, Arnold.
12:28Welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:30a show that is now witnessing a slow decline
12:33after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:37What are we doing now, Paul?
12:39Our comedians, we're removing blocks from a tower
12:42and following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:45We're going to play a game of Monopoly
12:47and we're going to see who can get the most blocks.
12:49We're going to see who can get the most blocks.
12:52We're going to see who can get the most blocks.
12:54We're following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:56We've seen Abbey, Ben and Hayley.
12:58So now it's time for Tefinga and Tom
13:01to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:02Ooh.
13:03Yep.
13:05Right, Paul, to do the next block for you.
13:08I'll be your friend if you can move this block.
13:10What does that mean, be your friend?
13:11I never liked you right from the start.
13:13I've been doing so you can help me with the tasks.
13:16I'll be a real friend, like a genuine friend,
13:18if you can move this block for me.
13:21Which block?
13:22That one there.
13:24Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
13:28The next block you remove must be green.
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38Okay, next one.
13:40Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:45Remove the next block while standing one metre away.
13:57Are you serious?
14:03Okay, next one.
14:04Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
14:08Put this block back where you found it.
14:10Okay, next one.
14:11Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
14:15Put this block back where you found it.
14:18Okay, next one.
14:20Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
14:25Yeah!
14:27I've stabbed the clock.
14:28Are you kidding me?
14:30It was quite a strong wind,
14:31but you did take it, one of the bottom blocks.
14:36Are you happy with that?
14:38No.
14:41Don't stab the duck.
14:42Be honest, Tom, were you gonna stab that duck?
14:44Yeah, pretty much.
14:46The wind was against me.
14:47I refused to lose.
14:49How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:52Tom, three blocks.
14:55Tofinga, six blocks.
14:56Okay.
14:57How many friends did you get?
14:59One.
15:01Did you?
15:02That was a big day for you.
15:03Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:04Let's just say, it might not be by blood,
15:06but we are brothers.
15:07Wow!
15:10That's beautiful.
15:11Okay, so how are we gonna score that?
15:13That means one point for Tom,
15:15two points for Tofinga,
15:17three points for Hayley,
15:18four points for Ben,
15:20and five points for Abbey.
15:22Great.
15:24Thank you, dude.
15:24Thank you so much.
15:25Okay.
15:26So where does that leave our scores
15:28for the episode so far, Paul?
15:29Great question, Jeremy.
15:31Out in first, with a perfect 10 points,
15:33it's Abbey Howells.
15:35Yeah.
15:37All right, what do you reckon about showing us
15:39another task then, Paul?
15:40I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:42I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world,
15:45and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:55Ma'am?
15:56To you, sir.
15:57Knock, knock.
15:59Who's there?
16:00Orange.
16:01Orange who?
16:01Orange who?
16:02Orange who?
16:03Orange who?
16:04Orange who?
16:05Orange, you glad I didn't say banana?
16:07You never said banana.
16:09Oh.
16:10Right, let's do this.
16:11Relive the best moment of your life.
16:14Most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:19You have 30 minutes.
16:20Your time starts...
16:22Now.
16:24Oh, man.
16:26What was the best moment of my life?
16:28Woo!
16:32So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:36Am I going to be judging the reliving part,
16:38or are we judging the best moment?
16:40Who had the best moment?
16:41Best reliving.
16:42Okay, right.
16:43All right, let's get stuck into it then.
16:44Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:48It's Hayley Sproul.
16:51Best moments of my life.
16:53Meeting my fiance.
16:56Meeting your fiance.
16:58Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
17:00Although I will say one of my best moments
17:02was meeting your fiance.
17:04That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:07Let's do the moment I met my fiance.
17:09Okay, this is how it happened.
17:10I was sitting in a drama school meeting,
17:13and he walked in, and he's six foot six,
17:15and I went like this.
17:18And then my friend looked at me and laughed,
17:20and then I turned to her and I said, that's mine.
17:23Okay, okay.
17:25All right.
17:26Bit of a warmup before my scene in King Lear.
17:29Hey, my liege, my liege.
17:33Oh, forsooth my liege.
17:36That's it, that's it.
17:37Now she's felt it.
17:38Forsooth my liege.
17:40My liege.
17:56Mine.
17:58Mine.
17:59I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette
18:01with me out on the smoker's steps.
18:04I will.
18:06Okay.
18:08It's a big boy.
18:11That's a big boy.
18:15Wow.
18:19So Hayley, you went from hating women
18:22who say that their greatest moment was meeting their fiance
18:25to actually reenacting it with Paul.
18:26Yeah, well, I felt terrible for saying it
18:29because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:31And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiance as well.
18:33I was like, well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.
18:37Why, I didn't get why you were dressed
18:39like an apprentice witch.
18:42Because it's drama school.
18:43Where did you study drama, Hogwarts?
18:47Honestly, not that dissimilar.
18:50So who do we got next, Paul?
18:51Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
18:55It's Abbey Howells.
18:58That was the best moment of my life.
19:01I know what it is.
19:02It was when I played the lion
19:04in my high school production of The Wizard of Oz.
19:08I came out at the end and I got like the biggest tear.
19:12And my mum actually told me afterwards
19:14that I needed to tone it down a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:18The other cast members might watch this
19:21and they might think that you got bigger tears.
19:23It was the lion show, baby, everybody know it.
19:25Okay.
19:26Okay, let's do it.
19:35More lion, more lion.
19:55More lion, more lion.
19:57Did someone say more lion?
20:05More lion, more lion, more lion, more lion, more lion.
20:15Good movie.
20:16Really great.
20:17If that was a true reflection of what actually happened,
20:19I'd totally see what your mother was saying.
20:22I've never seen someone so happy with themselves.
20:26All my life.
20:27That's what my mum said.
20:30Did you do the voice like in the movie?
20:31100% I did the voice.
20:32Can we get a little taste of it?
20:35Put him up, put him up.
20:40Paul, so far, we've had two drama students hooking up
20:43and one of them getting a round of applause.
20:44Do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians
20:46who's actually had a child or something?
20:48Meeting this person was one of the top five moments
20:51of my life.
20:52It's Tofinga Fepeleai.
20:55Best moment of my life, having my kids.
21:00Having your kids do what?
21:03Oh.
21:06OK.
21:09OK.
21:16OK.
21:21I'm excited.
21:22So excited.
21:27You're doing fine.
21:29Yeah.
21:30Ah!
21:32I can see the feet, I can see the feet, yep.
21:34Oh!
21:37Wow!
21:38He looks like his mum.
21:41OK.
21:42What do you think we should name him?
21:46I'm not sure.
21:49He's beautiful.
21:51Round two.
21:52If you can make it quick.
21:53OK.
21:54Because there's an important rugby game.
21:55Oh!
21:57Wow!
21:59Now second son.
22:01Last one should be easy pitch, just like that.
22:03Just one push.
22:04Oh!
22:05Ah!
22:07Oh, it's gone back in.
22:08It's you, again!
22:10Ah!
22:15Hey!
22:17Wow.
22:17Most incredible moment of my life.
22:25I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:27on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth
22:29after I gave birth to Angela Dravid in season one.
22:33And I'll tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:37I really enjoy the angelic way in which you screamed
22:41the pain.
22:41Ah!
22:42Yeah.
22:43Very interesting interpretation of how a woman
22:46gives birth to a child.
22:48Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth.
22:50Right.
22:51And I was very young.
22:55I was split seconds old.
22:57I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life, which is throwing
23:01to an ad break during Taskmaster for the 47th time.
23:05Here we go.
23:06It's time for the ads.
23:07Woo!
23:20Hello my, welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:22For the break, we were watching comedians reenact
23:24the best moments of their lives.
23:27And it turns out they haven't done much.
23:29Who have you got next for me, Paul?
23:31Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
23:34It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:38It's the best moment of my life.
23:39Do you know what it was?
23:41What?
23:42I don't know if we can do this legally.
23:43Can we reenact Little Ship of Horrors?
23:45We could probably do like a...
23:47Version of it.
23:48Were you in the play?
23:49No, I was watching it.
23:50Oh, you watched the play.
23:51I was like, I watched it as an eight year old
23:53and it stuttered me on my...
23:54It fired off everything in my brain.
23:57Okay.
23:57Okay, let's do this.
24:00Where did you come from?
24:01Strange little plant.
24:04Please get bigger for me.
24:13Please get bigger for me.
24:18Please get bigger for me.
24:31Please, Paul Moore, give me plasma.
24:39It's so funny.
24:41I'm a Venus flytrap from deep in the galaxy.
24:47Ah!
24:49Ah!
24:55Small boutique, a terror.
25:10Wow, this theatre thing is amazing, Papa.
25:14I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime.
25:24I would like to say for legal reasons,
25:26that was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:28It was, what was it called?
25:29Small Boutique of Terrors.
25:30That's right.
25:33I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Me too.
25:36For Onehunga High School.
25:37It was pretty cool.
25:38Same, Harborough High School.
25:39Yeah, I was there too.
25:39I was the dentist, but I guess in your production,
25:41I'd be like the podiatrist or something.
25:42Yeah.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it.
25:47Oh, we should do it, all of us.
25:49Stay tuned for tickets for our performance
25:52of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:53I can't, absolutely can't wait for that.
25:54What was it?
25:55What was it about Little Shop of Horrors?
25:57A horror.
25:59Shop?
26:00A shop.
26:01No, the musical element to it, a play, a horror.
26:06In the play, they all get eaten by the plant,
26:08and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:11It just wonderfully excited me.
26:13Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant?
26:16Oh, good.
26:16It's self-defence.
26:21Wouldn't it be?
26:22It would be self-defence.
26:23Like if you got eaten by a broccoli.
26:25If I got eaten by a broccoli,
26:26I'd be like, it was worth it.
26:29Me too, me too.
26:30So we've only got one comedian left,
26:32and I know that he has two beautiful, healthy children,
26:35so I think it's safe to assume he's going to relive that.
26:40Meeting this person.
26:44I've met him.
26:48It's Ben.
26:50Like the best moment of my life
26:51is when I knocked that Jenga thing out
26:54with a tennis ball.
27:02Man, that was quite something.
27:05We've got the blocks.
27:07Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09Okay.
27:11Good luck, Ben Early.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block out of a tower
27:15with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:17Darn you, Paul.
27:19Why do you got to make these tasks so gosh-darn hard?
27:22Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
27:39Oh.
27:46That's the kind of thing I do all the time.
27:50It's unbelievably cool.
27:55There's nothing left for me here now.
27:58Good luck with all your future endeavours, earthlings.
28:05Thought so.
28:08Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
28:21Okay, so everyone's seen what happened
28:24earlier on in the episode.
28:25Now we've seen your remembering of it,
28:28and everyone's seen the other.
28:29You think the two, can you see how they might not?
28:32Really, in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:36Everything is seen through a lens,
28:39and that was my lens.
28:40I feel like the second one was objectively worse.
28:43I agree.
28:44It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon.
28:46Yeah.
28:47You know what I mean?
28:48It's like, we don't need,
28:49yeah, we need like 20 years in between,
28:51not just straight away.
28:52It almost makes the first task seem shit now.
28:55Do you know what I mean?
28:56Hey.
28:57You're right, actually.
28:57You don't even go here.
28:58Sorry, I'm just, I don't even go here.
29:00I'll go, I'll go.
29:02How do you want to score it?
29:03This is going to be quite difficult.
29:04I think Ben definitely gets one point.
29:08Okay.
29:09Because I saw the, I just saw the original,
29:11and it was just nothing like it.
29:12So.
29:13It's too fresh.
29:14There's nothing there for me.
29:15Toffinger, I will give two points to.
29:18I thought it was a great performance,
29:19but there were three moments.
29:21I think Hayley, three points for you.
29:23Great turnaround on what you thought was
29:25how you hated people that did things,
29:26and you became one of those people very quickly.
29:28So I appreciate that.
29:29Tom, I think four points for The Little Shop of Horrors.
29:33And Abby, five points.
29:36Well done, Abby.
29:38Thank you, Hayley.
29:39That was very well done.
29:40That was very well done.
29:41Yay, believe me.
29:43Okay, I'm about ready for another task.
29:44You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first team task of the season.
29:49But also, it's time for the first
29:51top secret mission of the season.
30:02Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:05Hello, Paul.
30:06Hello, Abby.
30:08What do I do?
30:10Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Over here, look.
30:18He got really nervous.
30:22Be the most excited to meet your teammates.
30:25They can't know about this task.
30:27One person on the other team has received this task.
30:30If you're more excited than them, your team wins.
30:33Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:36Do you understand the task?
30:37Be excited?
30:39Yeah.
30:40Woo!
30:43Quite excited?
30:44Yeah.
30:44No problem, no problem.
30:47I'm quite excitable.
30:49Okay, I'm going.
30:51Thank you, Ben.
30:52Woo!
30:56Hey, Paul.
30:57Ciao, Torfinger.
30:58Hi, Paul.
30:59Ciao, Hayley.
31:00Hello.
31:04Hi.
31:05Hello.
31:06Hi.
31:08No surprise?
31:09Hi.
31:10Big fan.
31:12Big fans.
31:13Yeah.
31:14Do you have a task for me?
31:14I do.
31:15Can I have it?
31:16Not quite.
31:17Why not?
31:26This is the best.
31:27This is the best.
31:34Not too bad.
31:35Hello.
31:37Hi, I'm Ebby.
31:38Nice to meet you.
31:39Hello.
31:39So lovely to meet you.
31:41Nice to meet you.
31:42What a cute outfit.
31:43Your outfit looks so nice.
31:44We all went for such cute outfits.
31:45Yeah, I love it.
31:46Did I?
31:47Boo!
31:48Did we just become best friends?
31:50Yeah!
31:54Nice to meet you, Ebby.
31:55So nice to meet you.
31:56So nice.
31:57Oh my God.
31:57I feel a little sheepish.
31:58I know.
31:59I'm going to do break dancing.
32:01What the hell are you doing?
32:02Break dancing.
32:03I'm so happy.
32:05Do you know when you hugged me,
32:07you popped my bra strap.
32:10That's how excited we are.
32:12I get that.
32:13Yep, it's for real.
32:20So, before I score that,
32:23how do you think you went, Ebby?
32:25I got stage fright,
32:27because I'd never met Toppinger before.
32:30And I was like,
32:30oh, he's going to think you're a big silly goose if you go.
32:35It was already an awkward situation
32:36when Tom had walked in.
32:38Yeah.
32:39And then by the time you arrived there,
32:39there was like triple awkward going on.
32:42Well, you think Captain Autism
32:43is going to make that less awkward?
32:46Yeah.
32:48What I do, baby.
32:50So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben
32:52now that you've watched that?
32:53Honestly, so betrayed.
32:58I wouldn't have done the streamer or the break dancing,
33:01but I would have done everything else, normally.
33:03It all just feels like a lie to me now,
33:05and I don't trust you anymore.
33:07That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:09That's...
33:10How do you want to score it?
33:10Well, she's a one-five trouncing.
33:13There's no other way you can do it.
33:14So, one for Abby and her team.
33:16And Toppinger, yellow.
33:18And then she's a five for Ben and Hayley,
33:20because that was next level from Hayley.
33:21Really, it was a lot.
33:22Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:28She was perfect this episode.
33:30Is this the first time you've talked to a woman?
33:37Second, and the first one's underwear fell off.
33:43So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:45Okay, no, of course.
33:46So, I actually can't wait to find out
33:47what the actual team task is.
33:49And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:51Act excited.
33:52It's another ad break.
33:53We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
34:01Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:02What's going on, Paul?
34:03We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:06which began with a secret mission to act excited.
34:10Ben acted extremely excited,
34:12and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:15Okay, all right.
34:16Can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:18Si.
34:23Make a leaning tower of dry paper.
34:26Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:29If you break one of the three secret rules,
34:32you must step away from the tower,
34:34and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:36You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:39Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.
34:42You have 25 minutes.
34:43Your time starts now.
34:44Oh my God, you didn't delay.
34:45I always delay before I say,
34:46your time starts now,
34:47so I can think about it for free.
34:48I do, too, usually.
34:49Okay, what have you done?
34:50I'm so excited.
34:51It's Hayley.
34:52So, what's the idea here?
34:54We've got pasta, I heard pasta,
34:56and I heard secret rules.
34:57Yes, so the aim is to make the best
35:00and most leaning tower,
35:02but that is made harder if they break my secret rules.
35:05Oh, how do they know about the secret rules?
35:06They don't know about the secret rules.
35:09That's why they're secret.
35:10It's me.
35:11Ecco entrambi la squadre.
35:15Godere.
35:15Godere.
35:16Godere.
35:17Godere.
35:18Godere.
35:19Godere.
35:20Godere.
35:21Godere.
35:23So, we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:25No.
35:26If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:27Yeah.
35:28Okay.
35:29Step back, please.
35:33Has anyone got any ideas to begin with?
35:34Can we leave the lab?
35:35Oh, yeah, good idea.
35:36Let's make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
35:38Step back, please.
35:39Oh, no.
35:42So, that's one of them,
35:43you can't leave the lab.
35:45I didn't say that.
35:46What about, like, a pyramid?
35:47Step back, please.
35:50Is it like, P-words or something?
35:53The problem with pasta is it's dried, so...
35:55Step back, please.
35:58Okay.
36:00You're just gonna not talk anymore?
36:03It's not talking.
36:05We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:07Oh, no.
36:10We can't say another P-word, either.
36:13Oh, penis.
36:15Step back, please.
36:18Everything started with that letter A.
36:20Don't say Paul again.
36:21No, it's P-words.
36:22Pyramid, Paul.
36:24Pasta, see?
36:25Shh.
36:26It's all right, we're in purgatory.
36:28Oh, for God's sake.
36:29Okay, you've figured it out.
36:31Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:34Seam of what?
36:35The seam of the two...
36:36Materials.
36:38They're gonna get us that easily, Paul.
36:43Sorry, everyone.
36:44Is there gonna be stuff on the outside now?
36:46Like little...
36:47Poe.
36:49Step back, please.
36:50Hang loose.
36:51Oh, hang loose.
36:52Tom, this is excellent.
36:53Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape.
36:58That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:00Not going nowhere.
37:03Step back, please.
37:06Oh, come on.
37:10I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:12You and me?
37:14What about our undeniable chemistry?
37:16And afterwards, we can cook it.
37:18Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:23It's architecturally interesting, I think.
37:26Step back, please.
37:3012 minutes.
37:34Friend?
37:35What do we do?
37:36How do we break the rule?
37:37I don't know, I think that guy's just being a prick.
37:46If we just put the things in.
37:52What do you...
37:53Oh!
37:55Wow!
37:57Ooh.
37:59And that's got a lane?
38:00Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:06It's...
38:1140 seconds.
38:14Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:1616 seconds.
38:17I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try.
38:19Oh!
38:20Oh, beautiful.
38:21Yes!
38:22It's definitely gluing it.
38:26I mean, now we just...
38:27Just making it look pretty.
38:33Bring it on!
38:37We did it!
38:39Yeah!
38:40Can you tell us the third rule?
38:41No.
38:42Okay.
38:43He never says anything.
38:44No.
38:46Okay.
38:55Okay.
38:56So am I meant to judge them before
38:58or after they're hit by that wrecking ball?
39:00Before.
39:01Okay.
39:02So the third rule was if they spoke in an Italian accent,
39:06a giant meatball would swing down and destroy the tower.
39:08Oh!
39:10So I was kind of trying to prompt them.
39:12You were?
39:13Just made you look like a psycho.
39:15No, yes.
39:16It was about the leaning tower.
39:18The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:20Yes.
39:21Yeah, and I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tefinga's one
39:23actually looked slightly like that.
39:26I mean, it looked like a giant phallus
39:27coming out of the leaning tower.
39:28I mean, here's the...
39:30There's a phallic part to it slightly on the right there,
39:32you've gotta say.
39:34Looks good.
39:34I would like to point out that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid.
39:39That was just a self-contained pasta structure.
39:42That's a rubber band.
39:46Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta.
39:50Okay, I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:52and four points for Abbey, Tefinga and Tom.
39:55Okay.
39:56Glue.
39:57Glue and tape.
39:58Glue and tape, who knew?
39:59Glue and tape.
40:01So now that we've followed the three rules of Pasta Towers,
40:04it's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising.
40:06Buy, buy, buy.
40:07We'll see you after this.
40:16Tena koutou, welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:18It's almost time for our live task,
40:20which could decide it all, but first,
40:22Paul, how's our school board looking tonight?
40:25In first place, it's Abbey Howells on 20 points.
40:28Abbey Howells, 20 points.
40:31Interesting.
40:32Everyone, please make your way to the stage
40:34for the live task.
40:36Abbey Howells, 20 points.
40:39Abbey Howells, 20 points.
40:42Abbey Howells, 20 points.
40:45Abbey Howells, 20 points.
40:47Okay, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
40:49Madeline Sami on behalf of Tefinga.
40:52Thank you so much.
40:52And can I just say it's a privilege to be here and...
40:56Go season one, Taskmaster!
40:57Okay, here we go.
40:59Fan out your flame.
41:01You cannot move from or move your mat.
41:05You may not throw items.
41:07If your candle falls, you are disqualified.
41:09The fastest fanned out flame wins.
41:14Contestants ready?
41:15Yeah.
41:16Yes.
41:19Feet back, Tom.
41:20Foot back.
41:22Hayley, foot back, please.
41:29Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:32Tom, foot on the mat, please.
41:35Come on, Mads, come on, Mads.
41:36Be a friend.
41:37Come on, Mads.
41:38Foot back.
41:39Yeah.
41:52Are we gonna battle out for one point?
41:54Oh, no, yeah, I will.
41:56You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy.
41:59It's nerd versus jock.
42:04My gosh.
42:07Go out!
42:09She's practising sorcery.
42:13Yeah, this is...
42:23You're flaming, you're inflaming it.
42:25You're adding oxygen.
42:32Abby, would you like to blow out your flame?
42:40Oh!
42:43Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores.
42:54So, based on that live task, Abby gets one point,
42:58Ben gets two, Tom gets three, four for Hayley,
43:02and the winner of the live task with five points
43:05representing Tofinga was Madeline Sami.
43:07Yay!
43:09Well done.
43:10Great use of the jacket.
43:13Okay, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:15Our winner by one point.
43:17Second place was Hayley.
43:19First place is Abby Howells.
43:21All right, congratulations, Abby.
43:23You're now the proud owner of five success-inducing secrets.
43:27Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:29So close.
43:31Well done, Abby.
43:32Thank you for joining us
43:33for another episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:35We've learned how important it is
43:37to really make something of your life
43:39so that your single greatest achievement
43:41isn't watching an amateur production
43:42of Little Shop of Horrors
43:44or chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:48But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner
43:50of Taskmaster season five, episode two,
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:57I've been Jeremy Wells.
43:58We'll see you next time.
43:59Good night.
44:00Ka kite anō.
44:07Back, back, back.
44:16OK, Paul, should we get down to business?
44:23That's five points from me.
44:27Yes!
44:27You're under arrest.
44:28He can't help with being alpha.