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Taskmaster NZ S05E02

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Transcript
00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11He he he.
00:12Kia ora koutou katoa and welcome to the second episode of season five of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:42My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 under the pseudonym Deathlord69,
00:50here in this room I am known by the far more threatening title of the Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight, five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks in a desperate bid to get their hands on this.
01:08A beautiful golden trophy made to look exactly like the head of late 90s television icon Newsboy.
01:16Competing for this trophy, and what remains of their dignity, we have Abbie Howells.
01:24Ben Hurley.
01:26Hayes Sproul.
01:29And Tom Sainsbury.
01:33Tonight, representing Te Whingathepulea'i here in the studio, she's a winner of life and a loser of Taskmaster.
01:40Madeline Sami.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question,
01:47what if you combined Siri and Alexa and turned them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams.
01:59Alright, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always, we begin with a prize task.
02:03We've asked each contestant to bring in the secret to their success.
02:09Okay.
02:11Some very successful people up on stage here.
02:13Let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure. The secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J. Fox, The Secret to My Success.
02:27I actually still have this. I taped this off TV, probably somewhere in the early 90s on a repeat.
02:32So it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:37Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:38I've actually brought in my mother, in the 90s specifically.
02:42And just a moment for the haircut.
02:45But I'm not going to give you my mother because I still need her quite a bit.
02:49I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practice my scales every day on the piano.
02:55I think we have a little clip of her.
02:58Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:01Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:06You slam that piano lid one more time and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:13I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:15Oh.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former Mother of the Nation Judy Bailey?
03:22Very similar.
03:23I don't know why, but I've got a Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe when I look at her.
03:29From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:32Yeah.
03:36Let's move on to Madeline.
03:39The secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:44Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night and it's what wakes me up in the morning.
03:48It's the reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take her home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:57Yeah.
03:58At least I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:01Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am and I've written out my gratitude journal and just done some meditation,
04:06I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha.
04:12Oh, okay.
04:14But it's got some special ingredients, so I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got there.
04:18We've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing and may contain traces of imposter syndrome.
04:24So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that and you're away.
04:27Very neurotically.
04:29Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:32Yeah.
04:33Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think.
04:36Abby.
04:37Yes?
04:38What did you bring in?
04:39I brought in my autism assessment shed.
04:43So, I have it and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities.
04:48I know heaps about cool stuff like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera.
04:53And I can't tell a lie and I take everything very literally.
04:59As part of the prize, does the autism come with or just the confirmation?
05:03You wish.
05:05I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:08Yes, sir.
05:09I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, sir.
05:12Oh my gosh, honestly.
05:14You started it.
05:15I know.
05:16Once you get into it.
05:17It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh?
05:19That's a bit of a fallacy.
05:21Yes, a lot of rich people died.
05:22A lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh, boo.
05:25Yeah.
05:26Yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation.
05:32It's like, you're on the boat and all the men are very gentle.
05:36Sorry.
05:37Well, the men were very gentle, weren't they?
05:38No, the men were nice.
05:39The men were good.
05:40Men are nice.
05:41They get a rough time.
05:42There were some baddies, though.
05:43Billy Zane's character.
05:44Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:46Yes, that's a really funny joke, but actually it's not historically accurate.
05:53Duh, Paul.
05:54Paul.
05:56OK, should we score it?
05:58We should.
05:59Oh, one point's going to me, Madeline.
06:01Oh.
06:02No one wants that.
06:04It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:06Madeline's going to get two.
06:07Two.
06:08Hayley's going to get three.
06:10OK.
06:11Four points for Tom.
06:13For the kombucha.
06:14And Abby's going to get five points.
06:20Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, shall we?
06:24Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:35Hi, PW.
06:36Hi, TS.
06:37You all right, Paul?
06:39Yes.
06:40Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:42Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:45It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:47All right.
06:49Don't push that over, please.
06:53Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:56You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.
07:00Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:05You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11OK.
07:12I guess you're underway.
07:17So am I allowed to say this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:21No.
07:22It's legally very different from Jenga.
07:25Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:28This is four.
07:29So it's a completely different thing.
07:31OK.
07:32Well, who are we going to see play this brand new game that you've invented?
07:36Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells.
07:41OK.
07:42All right.
07:45Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.
07:49Paul, I'd like you to meet Diane.
07:52Hello, Diane.
07:53Diane's very well to do.
07:55Oh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:57Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.
08:02Block, block, you never mock.
08:05Just like a nice warm sock.
08:10Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:17I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:19She's Diane's sister.
08:20She's also quite fancy.
08:22Quite racist as well.
08:24I'd like you to sing a brand new original song about removing blocks.
08:28I love to remove blocks every day.
08:31I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:35Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:38Block, block, you never mock.
08:40Just like a lovely warm sock.
08:43This is Gavin.
08:44Gavin is down and out.
08:46I've been there.
08:47I am there.
08:49The next block may only be pushed.
08:52The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:54Remove the next block with your feet.
08:57The next block you remove must be orange.
08:59Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
09:03Well done, old chap.
09:05Remove the next block while standing at least one metre away.
09:13Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:20Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:23Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:25Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.
09:36Remove the next block while standing at least two metres away.
09:39Oh, come on.
09:45Let's play it out.
09:55Oh!
10:02Oh!
10:06Oh!
10:07Oh, no!
10:14Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:17The rescue line.
10:23Heads.
10:28Watch out.
10:30Blue in the neck.
10:32Oh, I didn't get it out.
10:33I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:36I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:39it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:48Unreal.
10:51I think I speak for everyone here.
10:53I say that is possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened
10:55in the history of New Zealand.
10:58To be honest, yeah, I kind of wanted to just retire from
11:01Taskmaster at that point.
11:02Like, leave on a high.
11:04Retire from life, man.
11:05Yeah, true.
11:06I'm just going to wait.
11:12Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names.
11:16Yeah, Paulette and Diane.
11:18You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:21Mum was racist.
11:22Yes.
11:23I think that's Paulette.
11:24She's quite racist.
11:25She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:28but she'd like to take a photo.
11:31This is very triggering for me.
11:34You're a fine sandwich, darling.
11:36Come into my home.
11:37I'll do anything for free food.
11:38There you go.
11:39I'm a stereotype.
11:40Abby, talk us through the creative process of writing the song.
11:43I love to remove blocks every day.
11:46I like to live my life in a precious way.
11:50Quite a few times I would do a task and then come back and sit
11:53in my little room and think, am I insane?
11:58And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:01So the stats.
12:02Yes.
12:03Hayley removed 18 blocks.
12:05That's good.
12:06Ben, 20 blocks.
12:07Okay, that's better.
12:08That's better.
12:09Abby, 28 blocks.
12:11Oh, my goodness.
12:12She was speedy.
12:13Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:16All right.
12:17Well, that is the end of part one.
12:19Join us for part two in just a moment where our comedians will
12:22probably just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:24We'll see you then.
12:25APPLAUSE
12:33Welcome back to Taskmaster, the show that is now witnessing a slow
12:43decline after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:47What are we doing now, Paul?
12:49Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower and following the
12:53tasks written on the blocks.
12:55We've seen Abby, Ben and Hayley.
12:57So now it's time for Tefinga and Tom to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:02Yep.
13:03Right, Paul, to do the next block for you.
13:06I'll be your friend if you can move this block.
13:08What does that mean, be your friend?
13:10I never liked you right from the start.
13:12I've been doing it so you can help me with the tasks.
13:15I'll be a real friend, like a genuine friend,
13:17if you can move this block for me.
13:19Which block?
13:20That one there.
13:22Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
13:28The next block you remove must be green.
13:33Oh.
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38OK, next one.
13:40Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:49Ay!
13:50Remove the next block while standing...
13:53One metre away.
13:57Two metres away.
14:09Are you serious?
14:20I've stubbed a clock.
14:21Are you kidding me?
14:23It was quite a strong wind but you did take it.
14:25One of the bottom blocks.
14:29You happy with that?
14:31No.
14:33Don't stab the duck.
14:35I'm not going to stab the duck.
14:37Hi, honey.
14:42Be honest, Tom, were you going to stab that duck?
14:44Yeah, pretty much.
14:46The wind was against me.
14:47I refused to lose.
14:49How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:52Tom, three blocks.
14:54Tofinga, six blocks.
14:56OK.
14:57How many friends did you get?
14:58One.
15:00Did you?
15:01That was a big day for you.
15:02Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:03Let's just say it might not be by blood but we are brothers.
15:11That's beautiful.
15:13OK, so how are we going to score that?
15:15That means one point for Tom, two points for Tofinga,
15:18three points for Hayley, four points for Ben
15:21and five points for Abby.
15:24Fucking nerd.
15:26OK, so where does that leave our scores for the episode so far, Paul?
15:30Great question, Jeremy.
15:32Out in first, with a perfect ten points, it's Abby Howells.
15:39All right, what do you reckon about showing us another task then, Paul?
15:42I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:44I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world
15:47and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:53MUSIC
15:59Ma'am?
16:00To you, sir.
16:01Knock, knock.
16:02Who's there?
16:03Orange.
16:04Orange who?
16:05Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
16:07You never said banana.
16:09Right, let's do this.
16:10Relive the best moment of your life.
16:13Most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:18You have 30 minutes, your time...
16:20Starts...
16:21Now.
16:23Oh, man.
16:25That was the best moment of my life.
16:32So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:35Am I going to be judging the reliving part
16:38or are we judging the best moment?
16:40Who had the best moment?
16:41Best reliving.
16:42OK, right.
16:43Let's get stuck into it then.
16:44Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:48It's Hayley Sproul.
16:50Best moments of my life.
16:53Meeting my fiancé.
16:56Meeting your fiancé.
16:57Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
17:00Although I will say one of my best moments
17:02was meeting your fiancé.
17:04That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:07Let's do the moment I met my fiancé.
17:09OK, this is how it happened.
17:10I was sitting in a drama school meeting
17:12and he walked in and he's six foot six
17:15and I went like this.
17:17And then my friend looked at me and laughed
17:19and then I turned to her and I said,
17:21that's mine.
17:22OK.
17:24All right.
17:25Bit of a warm up.
17:27Before my scene in King Lear.
17:29Hey.
17:30My leash.
17:31My leash.
17:34Where's my leash?
17:35That's it.
17:36That's it.
17:37Now she's felt it.
17:38Where's my leash?
17:50Oh.
17:56Mine.
17:58Mine.
17:59I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette with me
18:01out on the smoker's steps.
18:04I will.
18:06OK.
18:09That's a big boy.
18:11That's a big boy.
18:15Wow.
18:18So Hayley, you went from hating women
18:21who say that their greatest moment was meeting their fiancé
18:24to actually re-enacting it with Paul.
18:26Yeah.
18:27Well, I felt terrible for saying it
18:28because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:30And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiancé as well.
18:33I was like, well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.
18:37I didn't get why you were dressed like an apprentice witch.
18:42Because it's drama school.
18:44Where did you study drama, Hogwarts?
18:47Honestly, not that dissimilar.
18:50So who have we got next, Paul?
18:52Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
18:55It's Abbey Howells.
18:58That was the best moment of my life.
19:01I know what it is.
19:02It was when I played the lion in my high school production
19:06of The Wizard of Oz.
19:09I came out at the end and I got, like, the biggest tear.
19:12My mum actually told me afterwards
19:14that I needed to tone it down a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:19The other cast members might watch this
19:21and they might think that you got bigger tears.
19:23It was the lion show, baby. Everybody knew it.
19:26Okay.
19:27Okay, let's do it.
19:30Lion! Lion! Lion!
19:33Lion! Lion! Lion!
19:55More lion! More lion!
19:57Did someone say more lion?
20:00More lion! More lion!
20:02More lion! More lion!
20:04More lion! More lion!
20:06More lion! More lion!
20:08More lion! More lion!
20:10More lion! More lion!
20:12More lion!
20:14It's really great.
20:17If that was a true reflection of what actually happened,
20:20I totally see what your mother was saying.
20:22I've never seen someone so happy with themselves.
20:25All my life.
20:27That's what my mum said.
20:29Did you do the voice, like in the movie?
20:31100% I did the voice.
20:33Let me at him. Let me at him.
20:35Put him up! Put him up!
20:39Paul, so far, we've had two drama students hooking up
20:42and one of them getting a round of applause.
20:44Do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians
20:46who's actually had a child or something?
20:48Meeting this person was one of the top five moments of my life.
20:52It's Tofinga Fepeleai.
20:55Best moment of my life.
20:58Having my kids.
21:00Having your kids do what?
21:02Can I report?
21:04You can be my wife.
21:06OK.
21:07Use the bed upstairs.
21:09OK.
21:10To film the thing, not to mate the baby,
21:14but, you know, you giving birth to the baby.
21:16OK.
21:17OK.
21:18Aren't you excited? I'm really excited.
21:20It's our first child.
21:21I'm excited.
21:22So excited.
21:24Er...
21:27You're doing fine.
21:28Er...
21:29Yeah.
21:30Er...
21:32I can see the feet. I can see the feet, yeah.
21:34Er...
21:35Oh!
21:36Oh, wow!
21:38He looks like his mum.
21:40OK.
21:41What do you think we should name him?
21:46I'm not sure.
21:49He's beautiful.
21:51Round two?
21:52If you can make it quick.
21:53OK.
21:54Cos there's an important rugby game.
21:55Oh!
21:57Wow!
21:58Our second son.
22:00That's right.
22:01Should be easy peaches like that.
22:03Just one push and boom!
22:05Oh!
22:07Oh, let's come back in.
22:08Let's go again.
22:09Oh!
22:14Hey!
22:16Wow.
22:17Most incredible moment of my life.
22:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:25I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:27on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth
22:29after I gave birth to Angela Dravid in season one.
22:32And I tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:35LAUGHTER
22:37I really enjoy the angelic way in which you screamed the pain.
22:41Oh!
22:43Very interesting interpretation of how a woman gives birth to a child.
22:47Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth.
22:49Right.
22:50And I was very young.
22:52LAUGHTER
22:54I was split seconds old.
22:56I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life,
23:01which is throwing to an ad break during Taskmaster
23:03for the 47th time.
23:05Here we go.
23:06It's time for the ads.
23:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:18Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:20For the break, we were watching comedians re-enact
23:23the best moments of their lives,
23:25and it turns out they haven't done much.
23:27Who have you got next for me, Paul?
23:30Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
23:33It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:35It's the best moment of my life.
23:38Do you know what it was?
23:39What?
23:40I don't know if we can do this legally.
23:42Can we re-enact Little Ship of Horrors?
23:44We could probably do, like, a...
23:46Version of it.
23:47Were you in the play?
23:48No, I was watching it.
23:49Oh, you watched the play.
23:50I watched it as an eight-year-old,
23:52and it stuttered me on my...
23:54It fired off everything in my brain.
23:56OK. OK, let's do this.
23:59Where did you come from, strange little plant?
24:04Please get bigger for me
24:13Please get bigger for me
24:25Please, Paul Moore, give me plasma!
24:33It's so funny.
24:35I'm a Venus flytrap from deep in the galaxy!
24:42I want you inside me, Paul Moore!
24:45I want you inside me!
24:55Small boutique terror!
25:00Woo-hoo!
25:08Wow, this theatre thing is amazing, Papa.
25:11I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime.
25:22I would like to say, for legal reasons,
25:24that was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:26That was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:28It was, what was it called?
25:29Small Boutique of Terrors.
25:30That's right.
25:33I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Mm, me too.
25:36For Onehunga High School.
25:37It was pretty cool.
25:38Same, Harwood High School?
25:39Yeah.
25:40I was the dentist, but I guess in your production
25:41I'd be like the podiatrist or something.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it.
25:47Oh, we should do it, all of us.
25:49Stay tuned for tickets for our performance
25:51of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:53I absolutely can't wait for that.
25:55What was it about Little Shop of Horrors?
25:57A horror?
25:59A shop?
26:00A shop.
26:01No.
26:02The musical element to it, a play, a horror,
26:05in the play they all get eaten by the plant,
26:08and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:11That just wonderfully excited me.
26:13Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant?
26:16Oh, good.
26:17It's self-defence.
26:21Wouldn't it be?
26:22It ought to be self-defence.
26:23Like if you got eaten by a broccoli.
26:25If I got eaten by a broccoli, I'd be like,
26:27it was worth it.
26:29Me too, me too.
26:30So we've only got one comedian left,
26:32and I know that he has two beautiful, healthy children,
26:35so I think it's safe to assume
26:37he's going to relive that.
26:40Meeting this person...
26:44I've met him.
26:48It's Ben.
26:50The best moment of my life
26:51is when I knocked that Jenga thing out
26:53with a tennis ball.
27:02Man, that was...
27:04quite something.
27:05We've got the blocks.
27:06Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09OK.
27:11Good luck, Ben Early.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block out of a tower
27:16with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:18Darn you, Paul!
27:19Why do you got to make these tasks so gosh-darn hard?
27:46That's the kind of thing I do all the time.
27:50It's unbelievably cool.
27:55There's nothing left for me here now.
27:58Good luck with all your future endeavours, earthlings.
28:05Thought so.
28:20OK, so everyone's seen what happened earlier on in the episode.
28:24Now we've seen your remembering of it,
28:26and everyone's seen the other.
28:28You think the two...
28:29Can you see how they might not?
28:31Really, in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:35Everything is seen through a lens.
28:37Wow.
28:38That was my lens.
28:39I feel like the second one was objectively worse.
28:42I agree.
28:43It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon.
28:46Yeah.
28:47You know what I mean?
28:48We don't need...
28:49Yeah, we need, like, 20 years in between,
28:51not just straight away.
28:52It almost makes the first task seem shit now.
28:54Do you know what I mean?
28:55Hey!
28:56You're right, actually.
28:57You don't even go here.
28:58Sorry, I'm just...
28:59I don't even go here.
29:00I'll go. I'll go.
29:01How do you want to score it?
29:03This is going to be quite difficult.
29:05I think Ben definitely gets one point.
29:07OK.
29:08Because I saw the...
29:09I just saw the original, and there's just nothing like it.
29:12It's too fresh.
29:13There's nothing there for me.
29:15I think I will give two points to...
29:17I thought it was a great performance,
29:19but there were three moments.
29:20I think, Hayley, three points for you.
29:22Great turnaround on what you thought was...
29:24how you hated people that did things,
29:26and you became one of those people very quickly,
29:28so I appreciate that.
29:30Tom, I think, four points for The Little Shop of Horrors.
29:33And, Abbey, five points.
29:35Well done, Abbey.
29:37Well done.
29:38Thank you, Hayley.
29:39It was very moving.
29:40It was very moving.
29:41Yay!
29:42I think I'm about ready for another task.
29:44You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first team task of the season.
29:48But also, it's time for the first top-secret mission of the season.
30:02Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:05Hello, Paul.
30:06Hello, Abbey.
30:07What do I do?
30:10Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Over here, look.
30:15Oh.
30:17I got really nervous.
30:22Be the most excited to meet your teammates.
30:25They can't know about this task.
30:27One person on the other team has received this task.
30:30If you're more excited than them, your team wins.
30:33Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:36Do you understand the task?
30:37Be excited?
30:38Yeah.
30:39Woo!
30:42Quite excited.
30:43Yeah.
30:44No problem.
30:45No problem.
30:47I'm quite excitable.
30:49OK.
30:50I'm going.
30:51Thank you, Ben.
30:52Woo!
30:56Hey, Paul.
30:57Ciao, Torfinger.
30:58Hi, Paul.
30:59Ciao, Hayley.
31:00Hello.
31:03Hi.
31:04Hello.
31:06Hi.
31:08No surprise?
31:09Hi.
31:10Big fan.
31:11Big fans.
31:12Yeah.
31:13Do you have a task for me?
31:14I do.
31:15Can I have it?
31:16Not quite.
31:17Why not?
31:19Oh!
31:25This is the best.
31:26This is the best.
31:27Woo!
31:33Not too bad.
31:34No.
31:35Hi.
31:36Hello.
31:37Hi, I'm Abby.
31:38Nice to meet you.
31:39Hello.
31:40So lovely to meet you.
31:41Nice to meet you.
31:42I love your outfits.
31:43Your outfits are so nice.
31:44We all went for such cute outfits.
31:45Yeah.
31:46I love it.
31:47Did I?
31:48Boo!
31:49Did we just become best friends?
31:50Yeah!
31:54Nice to meet you, Abby.
31:55Nice to meet you.
31:56She's so nice.
31:57Oh, my God.
31:58I feel a little sheepish.
31:59I know.
32:00I'm going to do break dancing.
32:01What the hell are you doing?
32:02Break dancing.
32:03I'm so happy.
32:04Pow!
32:05Do you know when you hugged me, you popped my bra strap?
32:10That's how excited we are.
32:12Yep, that.
32:13Yep, that's for real.
32:20So, before I score that, how do you think you went, Abby?
32:25I got stage fright because I'd never met Toppinger before.
32:29And I was like, oh, he's going to think you're a big, silly goose if you go.
32:34It was already an awkward situation when Tom had walked in.
32:37Yeah.
32:38And then by the time you arrived there, there was like triple awkward going on.
32:41Yeah.
32:42Well, you think Captain Autism is going to make that less awkward?
32:46Yeah.
32:48What I do, baby.
32:50So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben now that you've watched that?
32:53Honestly, so betrayed.
32:58I wouldn't have done the streamer or the break dancing,
33:01but I would have done everything else, normally.
33:03It all just feels like a lie to me now, and I don't trust you anymore.
33:07That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:09How do you want to score it?
33:10Well, she's a 1-5 trouncing.
33:12There's no other way you can do it.
33:14So, 1 for Abby and her team.
33:16And Toppinger, yellow.
33:17Okay.
33:18And then she's a 5 for Ben and Hayley, because that was next level from Hayley.
33:21Really, it was a lie.
33:22Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:28She was perfect this episode.
33:30Is this the first time you've talked to a woman?
33:37Second, and the first one's underwear fell off.
33:43So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:45Okay, no, of course.
33:46So, I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is.
33:49And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:51Act excited. It's another ad break.
33:53We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
34:06Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:07What's going on, Paul?
34:08We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:11which began with a secret mission to act excited.
34:15Ben acted extremely excited,
34:17and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:20Right, can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:23Si.
34:27Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:30If you break one of the three secret rules,
34:34you must step away from the tower,
34:36and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:38You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:41Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.
34:44You have 25 minutes. Your time starts now.
34:46Oh, my God, you didn't delay.
34:47I always delay before I say your time starts now
34:49so I can think about it for free.
34:51I do too, usually, but I'm just...
34:52Okay, what have you done?
34:53I'm so excited it's Hayley.
34:57So, what's the idea here?
35:00We've got pasta, I heard pasta, and I heard secret rules.
35:03Yes, so the aim is to make the best and most leaning tower,
35:07but that is made harder if they break my secret rules.
35:10Oh, how do they know about the secret rules?
35:12They don't know about the secret rules.
35:14That's why they're secret.
35:15It's me.
35:22So, we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:24No.
35:25If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:27Yeah, okay.
35:28Step back, please.
35:30Can we leave the lab?
35:32Oh, yeah, good idea.
35:33Make a leaning tower of dried pasta.
35:35Step back, please.
35:36Oh, no.
35:39So, that's one of them, you can't leave the lab.
35:41I didn't say that.
35:42What about, like, a pyramid?
35:44Step back, please.
35:47Is it, like, P-words or something?
35:50The problem with pasta is it's dried, so...
35:52Step back, please.
35:54Okay.
35:56Step back, please.
35:58Okay.
36:00Are you just going to not talk anymore?
36:04It's not talking anymore.
36:06We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:08Oh, God.
36:11We can't say another P-word, either.
36:13Oh, penis.
36:16Step back, please.
36:18Everything started with that letter A.
36:20Don't say Paul again.
36:21No, it's P-words.
36:22Pyramid, Paul.
36:24Pasta.
36:25See?
36:26Shh.
36:27It's all right, we're in purgatory.
36:28Oh, for God's sake.
36:30Okay, you've figured it out.
36:31Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:34Seam of what?
36:35The seam of the two...
36:36Materials.
36:38They're not going to get us that easily, Paul.
36:43Sorry, everyone.
36:44Is there going to be stuff on the outside now?
36:46Like little...
36:47Po.
36:49Step back, please.
36:50Oh, Hayley.
36:51Tom, this is excellent.
36:53Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape.
36:58That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:00Not going nowhere.
37:02Step back, please.
37:06Oh, come on.
37:10I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:12You and me?
37:13Mm.
37:14What about our undeniable chemistry?
37:16I know.
37:17And afterwards, we can cook it.
37:18Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:23It's architecturally interesting, I think.
37:26Step back, please.
37:3012 minutes.
37:34Friend?
37:35What do we do?
37:36How do we break the rule?
37:37I don't know.
37:38There goes just being a prick.
37:39Mm.
37:40Oh!
37:41Oh.
37:46If we just put the things in...
37:48Let's get out of here.
37:53Oh!
37:55Wow!
37:57Ooh.
37:58And that's got a lane?
38:00Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:05Mm.
38:06It's...
38:1040 seconds.
38:12Oh.
38:13Stay.
38:14Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:1616 seconds.
38:17I'm going to try, I'm going to try.
38:19Oh.
38:20Oh, careful.
38:21Careful.
38:22Yes.
38:23It's definitely bleeding.
38:26I mean, now we just...
38:27Just make it look pretty.
38:33Bring it on.
38:38We did it!
38:39Yeah!
38:40Can you tell us the third rule?
38:42No.
38:43OK.
38:44He never says anything.
38:45No.
38:52APPLAUSE
38:55OK.
38:56So am I meant to judge them before or after they're hit by that wrecking ball?
38:59Before.
39:00OK.
39:01No, so the third rule was if they spoke in an Italian accent,
39:05a giant meatball would swing down and destroy the tower.
39:08Oh!
39:09So I was kind of trying to prompt them...
39:11You were?
39:12Just made you look like a psycho.
39:14No, yes.
39:15It was about the leaning tower.
39:17The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:20Yes.
39:21Yeah, and I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tefinga's one
39:23actually looked slightly like that.
39:25I mean, it looked like a giant phallus coming out of the leaning tower.
39:28I mean, here's the...
39:29There's a phallic part to it slightly on the right there, you've got to say.
39:33Well, it's good.
39:34I would like to point out that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid.
39:39That was just a self-contained pasta structure.
39:42That's a rubber band.
39:45Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta.
39:50OK, I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:52and four points for Abbey, Tefinga and Tom.
39:55OK?
39:56Glue.
39:57Glue and tape.
39:58Glue and tape.
39:59Who knew?
40:00Glue and tape.
40:01So now that we've followed the three rules of Pasta Towers,
40:03it's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising.
40:06Buy, buy, buy.
40:07We'll see you after this.
40:20Tena koutou.
40:22Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:24It's almost time for our live task, which could decide it all.
40:27But first, Paul, how's our school board looking tonight?
40:30In first place, it's Abbey Howells on 20 points.
40:37Interesting.
40:38Everyone, please make your way to the stage for the live task.
40:46OK, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
40:48Madeline Sami on behalf of Tefinga.
40:51Thank you so much.
40:52And can I just say it's a privilege to be here and...
40:55Go, season one, Taskmaster!
40:57OK, here we go.
40:58Fan out your flame.
41:00You cannot move from or move your mat.
41:04You may not throw items.
41:06If your candle falls, you are disqualified.
41:09Fastest fanned out flame wins.
41:14Contestants ready?
41:15Yes.
41:19Feet back, Tom.
41:20Foot back.
41:22Hayley, foot back, please.
41:29Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:32Tom, foot on the mat, please.
41:34Come on, Mads, come on, Mads, be a friend.
41:36Come on, Mads.
41:38Foot back.
41:49Are we going to battle out for one point?
41:52Oh, no, yeah, I will.
41:54You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy.
41:57It's nerd versus job.
42:03Oh, my gosh.
42:05Go out!
42:07She's practising sorcery.
42:10Yeah, this is...
42:13Yeah, this is...
42:23You're flaming it, you're flaming it.
42:25You're adding oxygen.
42:32Abby, would you like to blow out your flame?
42:43Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores.
42:54So, based on that live task, Abby gets one point,
42:58Ben gets two, Tom gets three, four for Hayley,
43:01and the winner of the live task with five points
43:04representing Tofinga was Madeline Sami.
43:08Well done.
43:10Great use of the jacket.
43:13OK, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:15Our winner by one point.
43:17Second place was Hayley.
43:19First place is Abby Howells.
43:21Congratulations, Abby.
43:23You're now the proud owner of five success-inducing secrets.
43:27Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:29So close.
43:30Well done, Abby.
43:32Thank you for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:35We've learned how important it is to really make something of your life
43:39so that your single greatest achievement
43:41isn't watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors
43:44or chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:48But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner of Taskmaster Season 5, Episode 2
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:57I've been Jeremy Wells.
43:58We'll see you next time.
43:59Goodnight. Ka kite anō.
44:09CHEERING
44:16OK, Paul, should we get down to business?
44:23That's five points from me.
44:27You're under arrest!
44:28He can't help but be an alpha.