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Taskmaster Australia S03E01

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00:00No!
00:01Aah!
00:02Ooh!
00:03Ah!
00:04No!
00:05No.
00:06We slayed it.
00:07What?
00:08Is this good television?
00:13Don't turn it on.
00:22Is this good television?
00:29Welcome one and all to the third season of Taskmaster Australia.
00:42The deities that run Channel 10 have blessed us with another opportunity to present a season
00:48of triumph and pratfalls to you, the humble viewer.
00:51Whether you're watching with your family, huddled around the television, or more likely, on your phone in the toilet at work.
00:58My name is Tom Gleeson and I believe no person should be defined by their job unless that job is my job.
01:04And my job is being the Taskmaster.
01:10Over the next ten episodes, five comedians will try to impress me by completing a series of highly intricate tasks.
01:17Each task will test various life skills such as intelligence, hand-eye coordination, and not being a dipshit.
01:24At the end, one of them will win a prize which will make them both the envy of their peers and a target for international art thieves.
01:32It's my big old head painted gold.
01:37Now let us savour this moment while we still think highly of them and give a warm welcome to our season three contestants.
01:44Aaron Chen
01:47Conchita Carisco
01:49Mel Buddle
01:51Peter Hellier
01:54and Rhys Nicholson
01:58And finally, attached to my side like a skin tag that doctors refuse to remove because they're afraid of what it will smell like,
02:07it's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:12Welcome back, Leather Tom, you smelly bastard.
02:17How've you been?
02:18Not too bad. I'm glad to even be here.
02:20I've got a photo of near the elevators at my hotel this morning.
02:23I was standing there for hours waiting for three more people to arrive so I could enter the elevator.
02:32So you take, you know, instructions very seriously.
02:35Even if they're just on a full-scat page sticky taped to a wall.
02:39Those were the kinds of thoughts I was having at around hour two.
02:43Alright, Leather Tom, how are we kicking things off tonight?
02:47Well, our first task is a prize task.
02:49Each contestant has brought in a prize.
02:51You, the taskmaster, will rank them one to five,
02:53and the person who wins tonight's episode will walk home with all five prizes.
02:57Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be
03:00the worst thing to wake up and find at the end of your bed.
03:04Okay.
03:05Aaron, what have you brought in?
03:07I've brought in a 37 litre laundry tub
03:11filled to the brim with custard.
03:19It's not convenient, like, if you wake up in the morning,
03:22that's splashing everywhere and it's custard as well, quite viscous.
03:26Yeah.
03:27And even just due to its weight alone, you've already short-sheeted your bed.
03:30Yeah.
03:31So you've had a bad night's sleep and there it is.
03:33I don't know what short-sheeted means, but I agree.
03:37Okay.
03:41Well, Aaron, maybe we can go on a camp together and I can short-sheet your bed
03:45so you can learn what it means.
03:46Yeah, and I'll short-sheet you as well.
03:49Oh, yeah.
03:54What about you, Conchita? What did you bring in?
03:56I brought in a spooky doll.
03:59Um...
04:01She's got pink eye as well.
04:04She really wants to get into bed with you to short-sheet you as well.
04:09Do you know what short-sheet is?
04:11Is it bad?
04:13You're not supposed to learn things on this show, so I'll move on.
04:17Okay, so why would you be worried about the pink eye?
04:20Are you kidding?
04:21Conjunctivitis is a hidden problem of this country.
04:25Alright, so Mel, what would you be worried about waking up to at the end of your bed?
04:30A low-cost doona.
04:37What are you trying to claim here, that you're better than that?
04:41Yep.
04:42I'm so much better than that.
04:43There's no natural fibres in that.
04:45That is a fire hazard, secondly.
04:47And it just communicates to the person in your bed with you
04:50that that's what you think they're worth.
04:53You just reminded me of my fear, and that's waking up with someone
04:56pretentious at the end of my bed.
05:02Peter, what have you brought in?
05:04Tom, the worst thing I could wake up to
05:06are two mates recording a podcast at the end of my bed.
05:11I know.
05:13I'm feeling the fear, Pete.
05:16So you wake up, you see them there, what's your first thought?
05:19Well, what are you doing at the foot of my bed?
05:22What's this podcast about?
05:24How are they recording it with nothing plugged in?
05:27Why are your mates 22 years old?
05:34Because, Aaron, they consider me the Fonzie of comedy, you see.
05:38All my friends are very young.
05:40You just said you're the Fonzie of comedy,
05:42which is an outdated reference.
05:46Alright, Rhys, what have you brought in?
05:48I thought about it long and hard, and I realised what I think
05:52the worst thing at the end of my bed would be...
05:55leprosy.
06:01I feel like now the pink eye's less of an issue.
06:03Yeah, yeah.
06:05Well, I'm just thinking that the leprosy,
06:07it's inside the container, not outside the container.
06:09Well, you can open it up.
06:11And I'm a pretty violent sleeper.
06:12You leave that at the bottom, you smash it open,
06:14suddenly, bam, leprosy.
06:16Fingernails, right off.
06:17Toenails, right off.
06:20Alright, everyone.
06:23I'm sorry, too soon on leprosy?
06:27I'm going to give one point to Mel, sorry,
06:29because a doona at the end of your bed, despite the quality,
06:31it's still a doona, so it can warm you up,
06:33without frightening.
06:36I'm giving two points to Reece, because they found a prop
06:38at the end of their bed.
06:40Conchita, I'm going to give you three points,
06:42because a doll is quite scary, regardless of what eye condition
06:44it has.
06:46Aaron, you get four points, because you're very polite.
06:49You didn't have to do that.
06:51No worries, Aaron.
06:54But I'm going to give five points to Peter Hellier,
06:56because I'm a white middle-aged man,
06:58and I'm frightened of podcasters, too.
07:04Alright, my little pretty poppet,
07:06are tasks proper, is it?
07:08Yes, superior poppet.
07:11This next piece of unprovoked seduction will make more sense
07:13in approximately 30 seconds.
07:16LAUGHTER
07:32Should I run? This feels so slow.
07:35Tom. Hi, Pete. Hi, Mel.
07:37I'm coming, darling. How you doing, Tom?
07:39Hi, Aaron. I think I have a message.
07:41Oh. In a letterbox for me.
07:43Oh. Posties bean.
07:45I like getting mail.
07:47Oh.
07:50Uh-oh.
07:52Oh, my gosh.
07:54The eyes have it.
07:56How did you know both my parents were optometrists?
07:58Do the most epic wink.
08:00Your first wink counts.
08:02You have 20 minutes.
08:04Most epic wink wins.
08:06Your time starts now.
08:08What's epic?
08:10Like a grand entrance.
08:12When we think of epic, we think of an epic movie.
08:14You know, Ben-her.
08:16These days, I think we call it Ben-them,
08:18just to be politically correct.
08:20This is quite the over-the-shoulder thing.
08:22OK, I want to wink, though. OK.
08:24Start. Yep.
08:26I think winking's brilliant. You know that about me.
08:28But you're not very good at it? No.
08:30Maybe I save your life. Wow.
08:32I don't know if I would.
08:34No, I would. People are watching.
08:36People love in a movie when someone is well again.
08:38So I'm going to be in the crutches,
08:40like Willy Wonka, where he does the forward roll.
08:42So faking a disability.
08:44Maybe 20 soldiers with rifles.
08:4620 soldiers?
08:48Like quite a lot of soldiers.
08:50Would you agree that maybe three would also be a large amount of soldiers?
08:52I would say that three is small.
08:54Oh, OK.
08:56It would be epic if I got Paul Rudd to wink at you.
08:58Yeah? Do you have his number?
09:00No.
09:02Oh, my mother!
09:04I'm going to go inside. How many minutes?
09:06Nine minutes and ten seconds.
09:09So whose quote-unquote epic wink are we going to see first?
09:14He's cute. He's cheeky.
09:16He smells like custard and we all know why.
09:18It's Aaron Schen.
09:28All hail the most objectively epic winker.
09:39G'day, guys.
09:41Things are about to look pretty epic.
09:54OK, so task one of episode one and you've blown up the house.
09:58Start big, you know?
10:00Aaron kept insisting that we have 20 extras
10:03and I kept insisting that we don't have 20 extras.
10:07So we shot that four different times
10:10and then spliced five people to turn them into 20.
10:18All right, which winkers are we seeing next, Cash Boy?
10:24These two should be naturals. They both sleep with one eye open.
10:27Ever since those allegations, it's Mel Buddle and Conchetta Cristo.
10:32Hi, Mum.
10:35Mum, I'm on Taskmaster right now.
10:38Here's Tom, by the way.
10:40Hello, Marlena.
10:43How many minutes are left, Tom?
10:45One minute and 16 seconds.
10:47Perfect.
10:48So I need your help for this. Most epic wink wins.
10:54Why don't we, through the FaceTime, wink at Tom at the same time?
10:57That's probably epic.
10:59That's probably more than he's getting in, like, ages.
11:02One epic wink.
11:04Artisanal, locally made.
11:06What could be more epic than something made right here in your own backyard
11:10by me, an artist?
11:14I think a mum plus a daughter, powerful.
11:17You wanted one wink? Just kidding, I'm going to give you 100.
11:20We're going to do it at the same time.
11:22Three, two, one, go.
11:33Wink.
11:34Oh, that's epic. You see that?
11:36So it's a genuine wink. That one's not moving.
11:39OK.
11:40Tom? Weird response.
11:42Yep, I can see him.
11:45This is called the mother-daughter tag team.
11:49You're welcome.
11:52Say bye to Tom, Mum.
11:54See you, Marlena.
11:56I'm going to leave that here for Museum Wants It.
11:59Oh, right, OK. Whatever.
12:01You just got double teamed.
12:04Woo!
12:05Hey, thanks, Tom.
12:07Hey, thanks, Mum.
12:11So the mother-daughter tag team, do you regret using that?
12:15No, I stand by it.
12:17I think that's what made it epic, you know?
12:19Like, you could look that up on a porn site.
12:23But Tom didn't have to.
12:24I didn't have to, but...
12:26LAUGHTER
12:30So, Mel... Yep.
12:32Just to be clear, who winks by starting with both eyes closed?
12:37Because I feel like with your craft they were both closed
12:40and then one eye open.
12:42That seems like a peek, not a wink.
12:44I think you can start with both eyes closed if you want.
12:47I mean, isn't every task open to interpretation?
12:50No.
12:52No? No?
12:54Well, it's open to interpretation by us.
12:56By us. Not by you.
12:58If you know what I mean.
13:04After seeing those, I kind of wish Aaron had blown up the house.
13:09Alright, it's time for the first hotly anticipated ad break of our season.
13:13Then more comedians closing one of their eyes epically after this.
13:17CHEERING
13:25CHEERING
13:28Welcome back to Carsmasters, everyone,
13:30where we are finding out which Australian comedians
13:33can't make basic facial expressions.
13:36Lesser Tom, bring us up to speed.
13:38Our contestants had 20 minutes to do the most epic wink.
13:41So far, Aaron has used 20 extras to imitate an authoritarian dictator
13:45and conceder FaceTime to her mum.
13:48Who's up next?
13:50The eye is the window to the soul.
13:52Does this next guy have one? It's Peter Hellyer.
13:54What's epic to you?
13:56You know what I would love?
13:58What I've never seen before in the history of cinema,
14:00and I'm not sure if we can do this, I'm not sure if we have access,
14:03but, like, a drone wink shot.
14:06Imagine if the drone comes around the trees
14:10and it comes up here and it'll give the wink.
14:13OK.
14:15You've just winked.
14:17What?!
14:19But I don't get to do my drone shot.
14:21First wink counts.
14:23I mean, it was almost Shakespearean, wasn't it?
14:26Because my hand was, like, there,
14:28and to me it was a nod to The Great Bard.
14:31Epic.
14:32Epic.
14:33Thanks, Pete.
14:39Wow!
14:41The joke's on you. You'll never see it.
14:43You'll never see it.
14:45So, what went wrong?
14:47I was so in the moment, mate.
14:49I could see the shot and I was describing it.
14:51I was in that zone and I could feel it and I gave it that one.
14:55And I still think it was actually pretty epic, to be honest.
14:58Nobody else winked with their hand in front of their face.
15:01So...
15:03I thought it was pretty amazing how you pivoted so rapidly to Shakespeare.
15:06Shakespeare.
15:08Is this a dagger I see before me?
15:13All right, Lister Tom, who's lucky last tonight?
15:16In a plot twist only to viewers just tuning in,
15:18it's the contestant whose wink we haven't seen yet, Rhys Nicholson.
15:28Hey!
15:39Checkmate!
15:43Woo-hoo!
15:45Woo-hoo!
15:49Whoa, this is epic!
15:51I'm water skiing and I'm going super fast!
15:54Whoa!
16:07For your low-key consideration.
16:10So, let me get this right, Rhys.
16:12If you're non-binary, are you allowed to make fun of disabled people?
16:15Whoa!
16:19I'm just asking, does one cancel the other out?
16:21If you're a straight white man,
16:23are you allowed to even bring up the fact that I'm non-binary?
16:27Yes, you are.
16:29No, I was empowering people.
16:33And I wouldn't even say I was disabled in that.
16:35I was just someone who bought those two...
16:39You were the ones that had them in your shed, you weirdo.
16:43Well, it's tricky,
16:44because I think that Aaron and Rhys both got a huge reaction.
16:47Working from the top down, I'm going to give Aaron five,
16:49I'm going to give Rhys four,
16:51and then, even though Peter Helyas was very short
16:54and he kind of tripped the trigger,
16:56it was still better than Mel's and Conchetta's shit attempts.
17:01So, you're on three.
17:03Two points to Conchetta for the blue wink,
17:05and I'm going to give one point to Mel for the reverse wink.
17:09OK, Lester, Tom, what does that mean for our scores?
17:12Well, in last place we have Mel with two points,
17:14but the winner at the moment is Aaron Chen with nine points.
17:20Give me another task, please.
17:22No need to look at your watch.
17:24I'm about to tell you what time it is.
17:39Hello?
17:41Hey, Tom.
17:42Do you know what time it is?
17:43Task time!
17:44No, it's frisbee time.
17:48Oh!
17:52It's not a good throw.
17:54It's frisbee time.
17:56Frisbee time.
17:59Nice catch.
18:01See, we can get on.
18:03Fun.
18:05Throw a frisbee into the caravan from the furthest distance.
18:09Your first successful throw counts.
18:11Furthest distance wins.
18:13Also, you must celebrate every miss.
18:17It's opposite day.
18:18Opposite day.
18:19I love you.
18:21And commiserate your successful throw.
18:25Least convincing celebrating and commiserating
18:28will have their successful distance halved.
18:30You have 15 minutes.
18:3215 minutes.
18:33Your time starts now.
18:38There's a lot of layers to this one,
18:39so it's your first successful attempt
18:41and you have to have reverse emotions.
18:43That's right.
18:44OK, these idiots are going to struggle, aren't they?
18:47We'll see.
18:50All right, who's up first?
18:51Will they throw in the caravan or the towel?
18:53It's Conchita, Aaron and Pete.
18:55You throw a frisbee.
18:57There's no way around that.
18:59All right, we'll give throwing a go.
19:01I'm not sure if the camera's picking up.
19:02It's pretty windy.
19:03Not really.
19:04You'll be protected by the trees.
19:05It's windy over there?
19:06Yeah, very windy.
19:07Wow, OK.
19:08Let's just raw dog it.
19:14Yeah!
19:19Yeah!
19:21Oh, so it's harder than I thought, isn't it?
19:25Yeah!
19:28All right, I can make that,
19:30so I'm going to go a bit further.
19:34Yes!
19:36Yes, yes, yes!
19:40Yes!
19:43Yes!
19:47Yeah!
19:50Yes!
19:53That looks vaguely unhinged.
19:55I don't have a lot more screams left.
19:58Oh!
20:01Yeah!
20:07That felt good.
20:08Get some tape.
20:09Tape?
20:10Yeah.
20:11As usual, this is coming off.
20:12OK.
20:14You should wear it.
20:15Do you want to put it on?
20:17Yeah!
20:19OK, OK.
20:20You're going to get it in now?
20:21OK, go as far as he can.
20:23Hold that string taut.
20:24Taut?
20:25Get this disc into the car.
20:27It's a caravan.
20:29I've got to do the throw.
20:41OK, I'm going to go like this.
20:46Oh, no!
20:48Oh, no!
20:51No!
20:52What's that mean?
20:53You completed the task.
20:54No!
20:55No!
20:57Ah!
20:58Are you joking?
20:59Where did it say that?
21:0117.
21:0216.
21:03Yes!
21:04Yes!
21:05No!
21:06Your first successful throw counts.
21:07It's the second line.
21:09Take that off.
21:1015.
21:12Yeah!
21:13Oh!
21:16You don't deserve it.
21:17You're not juicy.
21:19Thanks, Aaron.
21:20It's your fault.
21:21See you, Pete.
21:22Very windy.
21:23Oh, the wind, yeah.
21:24The wind's blowing my jacket.
21:26Do you think anyone will do worse than you?
21:28You are a meanie.
21:30Thanks, Ruchira.
21:31Bye, Tom!
21:41It was very localised wind on the day you were out there, Pete.
21:44It was like those cartoon clouds where it's just over.
21:47It must have been the wind version of that.
21:49Now, Conchetta, when you said,
21:51this is harder than I thought, was that a celebration?
21:54Yes, it was, Tom.
21:56It was an old Italian saying.
22:00My nonna would say it every time she won the lottery.
22:05Wait, wait, wait!
22:09How many times has she won the lottery?
22:12So at the very end, though, that reaction seemed quite genuine.
22:16It was real.
22:17I can't tell, though, if it was good acting
22:19or you were angry because you realised how close you were
22:21when you got it in.
22:22It was the second one.
22:23Oh, so you weren't acting, you were genuinely annoyed.
22:26Yes.
22:27Is that bad?
22:30I'd like some time with my client.
22:34Just shut up!
22:42Now, Aaron, you also had an interesting technique.
22:44You were throwing it like that,
22:45which either means you know exactly what you were doing
22:47or you've got no idea.
22:49In Ultimate Frisbee, that is called a hammer throw.
22:55That's good to know.
22:56When you finally got it in, you almost celebrated.
22:59Yeah, almost.
23:00Do we have to count that original celebration
23:02or do we accept the flip to the commiseration?
23:05I think you should be judging the overall commiseration
23:07and celebration of each of the contestants
23:09and that should be taken into account.
23:11You're going to get in big trouble, mate.
23:19So Conchetta was three metres away from the caravan,
23:22Aaron was 8.4 metres away
23:24and Pete was 12.65 metres away.
23:30And in great news, Channel 10 have said
23:32we no longer have to play advertisements.
23:34Happy opposite day!
23:37More confused comedians after this.
23:50Welcome back to Cars Pass Day.
23:52Where were we, Lesser Tom?
23:53We were throwing frisbees into a caravan
23:55and we're not happy about it.
23:57Unless we miss, in which case we are.
23:59OK, that makes perfect sense.
24:01Who's next?
24:02She's great at acting.
24:03The opposite of how she's feeling
24:04against those allegations, it's Mel Buttle.
24:07So if you threw it, right,
24:09and you got it in, you go, aw...
24:12All the information you need is in the task.
24:14Yeah, all the information, whatever,
24:16from the furthest distance.
24:21OK, it's harder than it looks.
24:23Hey!
24:24What happens when I run out of flying discs?
24:27You may reuse.
24:31Oh, bloody hell!
24:34Thank you, Mel.
24:39I apologise, Conchetta.
24:41It turns out saying it's harder than it looks
24:43is a very common celebration.
24:46Mel knew my nonna for many years.
24:48Many years.
24:50So as far as I can tell,
24:52you stood pretty close to the caravan
24:54and then just didn't show any emotion.
24:57Did you understand the task?
24:59I'm from Queensland.
25:00I said bloody hell in a slightly grumpy manner.
25:03That's as good as it's going to get.
25:06Mel was standing 5.47 metres away from the caravan.
25:10Huge.
25:11Which puts her currently in third place.
25:13OK.
25:16One left by my count, Lesser Tom, who is it?
25:18They ate frisbees for breakfast,
25:20even though everyone keeps telling them to stop.
25:22It's Rhys Nicholson.
25:23My first thought is I don't want to be on this show anymore.
25:26Right.
25:27My second thought is I'd like a lot of rope.
25:30OK.
25:34Jesus Christ.
25:35What are you doing in this house that you need this much rope?
25:38Weird.
25:40Do you know much about knots?
25:41No.
25:42Never was involved in the Scouts.
25:44OK.
25:45Just a reason to hang out with men in their 40s.
25:47And that doesn't interest you?
25:48A little bit more these days.
25:53I'm fine, thank you.
25:54OK.
25:55Wait.
25:57So we're going to try it out.
25:58OK.
26:00So here I'm just throwing my frisbee.
26:03OK.
26:16Did it go in?
26:29No.
26:33Why are you upset?
26:35It went in.
26:39Thanks, Rhys.
26:45So, Aaron, how do you feel Rhys' rope mechanism
26:48compared to your rope mechanism?
26:51I don't know.
26:52I kind of...
26:53Don't you reckon, like, there's, like, notes of cheating kind of?
26:57Do you know what's weird about that?
26:59Tom can back this up.
27:00At no point did I pick up a frisbee and try and throw it in.
27:03Most of my time was spent going,
27:05how can I do this without any physical fitness involved whatsoever?
27:10Because I just know I'm not coordinated.
27:12OK.
27:13So the method was born out of desperation.
27:15Yeah.
27:16Yeah, yeah.
27:17Yep.
27:18Mel, how do you feel about your commitment to acting
27:20now that you've seen Rhys' performance?
27:22Rhys' performance was a little bit not realistic.
27:25You were saying he had a realistic performance,
27:27which would be at home in Queensland.
27:29Where would Rhys' performance land in Queensland?
27:31Oh, I think it's still quite illegal what Rhys does in Queensland.
27:42So, shall we look at the scores?
27:44Well, so Pete is the current leader with 12.65 metres.
27:48When Rhys threw the frisbee,
27:50they were 34.8 metres away from the caravan.
27:57However, you need to decide
27:59who was the worst celebrator slash commiserator
28:02because we will be halving their distance.
28:05OK.
28:06It was Mel.
28:08So that means Mel gets one point,
28:10Conchetta two, Aaron three, Pete four,
28:12and Rhys wins the task with five points.
28:15So what happens now, Tom?
28:17With the turn in the equinox,
28:19a newfound task is upon your constellation.
28:39Hi, Tom. How are you doing?
28:41Hi, Aaron.
28:43Oh, this is very pretty.
28:44Oh, thank you. Are you a mystical man?
28:46Very mystical.
28:47This reminds me of everyone's house that I used to go to in my 20s.
28:52Oh, right.
28:59It's the other Tom.
29:02Make your horoscope for today come true.
29:05Most realised horoscope wins.
29:08You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now.
29:11When I was about nine...
29:13Here we go.
29:14..I asked my dad what horoscope I was.
29:16Mm-hm.
29:17And he said,
29:18I'm pretty sure you're either a bull or a lion.
29:21And then he looked it up and he went,
29:23Oh, no, you're a virgin.
29:30Are you going to be telling us stories from your life in every episode?
29:34Not if you don't like it.
29:37Before we continue,
29:38we gave each contestant their horoscope for that day
29:41based on their star sign.
29:42OK.
29:46Both are Gemini's, but only one is about to attempt this task.
29:49It's Marilyn Monroe and Peter Hellyer.
30:06Does any of that resonate with you?
30:07There are times where maybe I wouldn't completely speak my mind
30:10to spare the people's feelings.
30:12Do you have an example?
30:13I don't like your haircut.
30:15Oh.
30:16Also a good time to connect with friends.
30:18I haven't spoken with Dave Hughes for a while.
30:23What's up, buddy?
30:24What are you up to?
30:29It's about time.
30:33I'm just calling to...
30:36I wanted to really tell you how much you mean to me
30:38and you've always meant a lot to me.
30:44No.
30:45I'm not on the podcast, mate.
30:48I don't have a gun to my head, mate.
30:58Mate, it's not about content.
30:59A sincere moment between two mates.
31:02I just want you to accept it.
31:06Yeah.
31:08Love you, Pete.
31:09Love you, Hughsy.
31:10Go on, mate.
31:11OK.
31:12Goodbye.
31:15Oh, come on.
31:16OK, no, that's...
31:17OK.
31:22I think we've learnt a lot about your relationship.
31:24Do you feel bad that he could see through your faux sincerity
31:27so quickly to decide that it's probably content?
31:31Yeah, that was disappointing.
31:33I thought he may have read the room
31:35and realised not to go down that path, you know,
31:38but he's not.
31:39For the amount of showbiz that Hughsy has done,
31:42he's still not that good at it.
31:45Help me out, Hughsy.
31:47I'm obviously doing something.
31:48I'm not going to ring you to tell you I love you.
31:52Just roll with me for a little bit.
31:54But I think the task was successful.
31:56The communication was clear.
31:57It's also going to be very important
31:59into the ATO's investigation into Dave Hughes' affairs,
32:02how we got that on tape.
32:03The phone call went for 7 minutes and 57 seconds,
32:0642% of which was Hughsy complaining about paying tax.
32:12Your future looks bright,
32:14but you must be patient with others
32:16and willing to accept unashamed consumerism
32:18in the form of these advertisements.
32:20Further revelations of comedians' birthdays
32:22taken from Wikipedia still to come.
32:33Welcome back to Taskmaster,
32:35where five Australian comedians are competing
32:37for a vial of what Rhys Nicholson claims to be
32:40the biblical disease leprosy.
32:43Lesser Tom, give us a recap.
32:45Our contestants have got 30 minutes
32:47to make their horoscope come true.
32:49I read my horoscope this morning and it said
32:51I need to be more assertive,
32:52but don't worry, I'm going to ignore it.
32:56And whose mystical nonsense do we get to see come true next?
33:01They're both Leos, but only one has been
33:03counting their lucky stars recently
33:05since she beat those allegations.
33:06It's Aaron and Conchetta.
33:08Today is a day for you to embrace
33:10your natural leadership qualities.
33:12Your natural charisma and confidence
33:14will help you succeed in any endeavours you pursue.
33:18Use this opportunity to inspire and motivate those around you.
33:21Let me be mindful of not coming across as too domineering.
33:24Take charge and lead the way.
33:26Tom, rise.
33:30What are some of your fears?
33:31My fears?
33:32Yeah.
33:33My instinct says to make a toasted sandwich.
33:37You told me your fears are heights,
33:39confined spaces, loneliness and death.
33:41I want you to know that you can get through all of them
33:43and not be scared anymore.
33:44So I want you to find me bread.
33:47I could be more easily convinced
33:49if you said it with some charisma.
33:51Can you get some bread?
33:53OK.
33:54I'm going to hand you some ways you could die.
33:56Here's the first one.
33:57You can die in your sleep.
33:58If someone punches you near the heart, it could stop.
34:01You could die on the toilet like Elvis did.
34:03How do you be, El?
34:04Charismatic.
34:05Smile more.
34:06Look people in their beautiful eyes.
34:08Keep your hands in view and use them to help you speak.
34:11Luring Doctor Puss could sting you at the beach.
34:14Do you like the beach, Tom?
34:15I love the beach.
34:16So that's a bit of a bummer.
34:17I like a saucy bastard.
34:19You call your toasties bastards?
34:21They are the way I make them.
34:23I mean, that's a bit of a bastard.
34:25I reckon that's pretty good.
34:26It's a good sandwich.
34:27We've achieved our goals.
34:29Do you think I should do some more stuff?
34:32It's up to you.
34:34Watch this.
34:35No hands.
34:39Wow.
34:40Tom, I think that you can face any challenge that comes your way.
34:44OK, and trapping me in a box up high
34:46and reminding me of diseases isn't domineering?
34:48No.
34:49Oh, that's perfect.
34:51Cheers.
34:52Do you like that?
34:55I'm going to put my hand in.
34:56OK.
34:57And you're welcome to hold my hand.
34:58Oh, thank you.
34:59Does that make you feel less alone?
35:00Yeah.
35:03I'll have that bastard later.
35:10So, Conchetta, your version of inspiration
35:12had a striking resemblance to torture.
35:15Can you talk us through it?
35:17I didn't love it.
35:18I hated to see him in there scared.
35:20That's why I put my hand in.
35:21Right.
35:22And we held hands.
35:23It was like exposure therapy, was it?
35:24Yeah, yeah.
35:25You made him live through those terrible times
35:27and then you inspired him after also being his tormentor.
35:31Yeah, yeah.
35:32It came from a good place, cos I'm Aaliyah.
35:36So, Aaron, your version of taking charge
35:38was making a toasted sandwich for lesser Tom.
35:42Well, the way you summed it up just then was not flattering.
35:46But I think the process of it,
35:49I was being quite... showing leadership qualities.
35:53I was putting on some of my best charisma.
35:56Would you like to use some charisma on the Taskmaster now?
36:00Good onion, mate.
36:04Wow, it's radiating out of you so naturally.
36:07OK, let's see another horoscope come true, shall we?
36:10It's the bull my dad wished I was, his Taurus, Rhys Nicholson.
36:14This is my horoscope.
36:16You may find yourself feeling more introspective than usual.
36:22Remember to take care of yourself and prioritise self-care.
36:26How do you take care of yourself?
36:28Well, at the moment I'm not really taking care of myself.
36:30You know, I'm very tired at the moment.
36:32Oh.
36:33I'm quite stressed about being on Taskmaster.
36:36Mm.
36:37I'm stressed about what the Taskmaster thinks of me.
36:40Can I bring up another relevant factor?
36:42Yeah.
36:43That it's currently your birthday?
36:45You're not wrong.
36:47And I'm here on my birthday.
36:51It says right here, trust your instincts
36:53and don't be afraid to make changes
36:55that will bring you closer to your desired outcomes.
36:58I would like to go home.
37:00Oh, OK.
37:08You're off?
37:10I'm going to go.
37:13See you, Rhys.
37:26So, hang on.
37:27So you just left in the middle of a task.
37:29I just left.
37:30So you were happy to let the whole production grind to a halt
37:32just because you were feeling a little bit selfish during that task.
37:35I've got to say, when I was taking my mic off,
37:37I said to the sound guy, is this all right?
37:39And he went, mate, no complaints.
37:44Hang on.
37:45I feel like I need more detail here.
37:47I just don't quite buy that Rhys left right in the middle of production.
37:51Rhys left 45 minutes before the end of the day,
37:54which meant Rhys worked 45 minutes less than the others,
37:56which means currently Rhys is being paid $3 more per hour
38:00than the rest of you.
38:03Which I've got to say, that's self-care if ever I've seen it.
38:08All right, up next we've got an ad break.
38:10Time to check if your horoscope is compatible with your partner's.
38:13And when it's not, sit there in silence
38:15and think about why it's probably time you did something about it.
38:18See ya!
38:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:44Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia,
38:46the show where our country's best comedians
38:48risk it all for the chance at a compliment from me,
38:51an unfortunately necessary father figure in all their lives.
38:55Where are we up to, Lesser Tom?
38:57Our contestants are making their horoscopes come true.
39:00One more is there.
39:01Her birthday is January 25th, which means she's an Aquarius
39:04and there's a good chance she was conceived on Anzac Day.
39:07It's Mel Buddle.
39:09Today is a day to focus on your career and professional goals.
39:13However, be mindful of communication with colleagues and superiors
39:18as misunderstandings may arise.
39:20Well, correct.
39:21When is the time where you feel like you've been misunderstood?
39:24When I released my hip-hop album in Year 9,
39:27Misunderstood, literally, by MC Malicious.
39:30Really?
39:31Yeah, I do raps.
39:33I could do a rap and we could have a fight about it.
39:37I've already got the rap ready to go.
39:42Yo, what's up?
39:43MC Malicious on the track.
39:45Here we go.
39:46I'm about to drop it.
39:48I'm a rapper, I'm an actor, I'm a rhyme choreopractor.
39:51I'll snap you down rhymes and I'll chuck them back at you
39:53because I'm rhyme supreme.
39:54Yes, I'm a rhyme machine.
39:56Let me take you through this rhyme routine.
39:588% of boys see this, they want to hit this.
40:01Hieroglyphics, your friends are misfits.
40:03What, every morning I eat my wee bits.
40:06Welcome to the rhyme olympics.
40:08Yeah, you could try hard but you just won't beat this.
40:12Sorry, I just had to interrupt and stop the music.
40:14I just heard you say that you were a rhyme machine.
40:16Yes, I did.
40:17You're not a machine, you're a human.
40:19So me, I'm in character at the moment.
40:21I'm MC Malicious, so I'm not Mel.
40:24So MC Malicious, who doesn't exist,
40:26could therefore be part machine.
40:28I see.
40:29It sounds like it was a misunderstanding.
40:30Yes.
40:31Sorry about that.
40:32Yeah, big miscommunication.
40:33Sorry, Tom.
40:35All good.
40:36All right, freestyle.
40:37This one just straight, straight flowing.
40:40Cos you know what?
40:41Like a BMW, I'm always loving you.
40:44Cos of your interiors, they're smooth like this groove.
40:47I'm out, bitch.
40:49CHEERING
40:54All right, Mel, how excited were you
40:56that you got to bust out that rap?
40:58I cannot wait for the career opportunities
41:01to be in my inbox following this.
41:04Wow, that was quite a special moment.
41:06I feel like you've done it before.
41:08Where did you use to perform that rap?
41:10Year 9 maths, back row.
41:12We haven't been scoring very well in this episode.
41:14Do you think you were misunderstood?
41:16Yeah, I think there's a few things
41:18that have gone wrong this episode in my favour
41:20and I've not chosen to bring them up.
41:22And I thought, wait, wait, see if they use your rap
41:25and then you'll probably get 39 points for that.
41:30Problem solved.
41:31Right, so I believe I have to score.
41:33I have to put Reece at one at the bottom
41:35because they left early and kind of gave up.
41:37Aaron, I'm putting on two
41:39because you asserted yourself by making a bastard.
41:42And I'm going to give Pete three
41:44for referring Dave Hughes to the ATO.
41:47Conchetta, I'm giving four points too
41:49because she did a really good job.
41:52Sorry, you don't say that out loud.
41:55But finally, due to the rapping talents of MC Mel Buddle,
42:00I've got to give Mel five points.
42:05So how does that shake up the overall scores?
42:08Well, it's tight at the top, but with a one-point lead,
42:10it's Peter Hellyer.
42:15Alright, let's head upstairs
42:17for our very first live task of the season.
42:19CHEERING
42:23So, Lyssa Tong, are we about to learn what short sheeting is?
42:27Aaron, can you please read the task?
42:30Entirely change your bed without leaving the bed,
42:34then lie in it.
42:36If you or your linen touches the floor
42:38during the making of your bed,
42:40you must stop making it, kneel upright
42:42and sing an original ten-second lullaby to the taskmaster.
42:48Fastest wins.
42:50Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
42:53Alright, please enter the beds.
42:55Are we ready?
42:57WHISTLE BLOWS
42:59CHEERING
43:07These pillows are shit!
43:10This is hard, right?
43:12I know I am.
43:18Oh, my God, we have to change the doona?
43:21What?
43:22It's daika.
43:25Da!
43:27Mel!
43:28Lullaby time.
43:30Oh!
43:31Rock-a-bye ginger, you are so tall
43:35In your bed you'll sleep till you will fall
43:39Have a nice dream of money and bitches
43:43You may start again. You can start again.
43:48You're very distracting.
43:51Oh, my God.
43:58Lullaby time.
44:00Oh, my gosh, it's time to sleep
44:02And guess what, please don't weep
44:04And go crazy, it's bedtime
44:07Brother!
44:16That's a nice bed.
44:21This has become so weird now for me.
44:25Come on, everyone.
44:31Mel, it's lullaby time.
44:33Have a beautiful rating season
44:38I know that your real name is Thomas Giggies.
44:43You may resume.
44:45Can I call my wife?
44:48Can I call his wife?
44:51I'm lost, I feel like...
44:56Consider has a made bed.
45:02What's happening?
45:03Aaron touched.
45:04Don't you cry, cos it's time for goodnight
45:07And everybody knows that it's Wednesday
45:12Oh, Pete.
45:13Aaron has a made bed.
45:16Is Pete's a made bed?
45:17Yeah.
45:18It's like a sleeping bag.
45:20It's perfect. It's how I sleep.
45:22I think we have Mel in fourth and Peter Hellier in fifth place.
45:29Who has won the task will have to review what they did frame by frame
45:33as a sneaky ruse to play more ads.
45:35We'll be back soon.
45:42Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
45:44If you're just joining us, your timing couldn't have been worse
45:47because we're about to finish.
45:49Before we crown our episode one winner,
45:51we're going to need some scores for that bed-making Lesser Tom.
45:55Pete was in fifth place with one point.
45:57Then we had Mel with two points.
45:59Aaron with three.
46:00Conchita had four points.
46:01And the winner of the first live task was Rhys with five points.
46:04Now, much like last time,
46:06we're going to have a little bit of a competition
46:10Now, much more importantly, who won the episode?
46:14In joint first place, we have Aaron and Rhys,
46:18which necessitates a tie-break.
46:25What we are about to see is Rhys and Aaron.
46:28Both had 30 seconds to get 100 hundreds and thousands into a glass.
46:32Let's see how that went.
46:34Your time starts now.
46:38Put them in there, right?
46:40How much time do I have left?
46:4124 seconds.
46:421, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
46:4420.
46:45I reckon it's not as much as you reckon it is.
46:5070.
46:55Take out a bit.
46:59Mate.
47:01So, you needed to get closest to 100.
47:05Aaron had 185.
47:09Rhys had 1,112.
47:14Congratulations, Aaron.
47:16You are now the proud owner of a hideous plague on humanity.
47:21But as well as the podcasters, you get leprosy too.
47:24Get up on that stage and claim your goods.
47:31So, what did we learn tonight?
47:33We learned which short sheeting is and is not.
47:36We learned Channel 10 have finally allowed us
47:39to air mass winking on national television.
47:42And we learned if you dare to listen to the stars
47:45that surround the earth, they're telling us something special.
47:48Some white people are slightly better at rapping than you'd think.
47:52But most importantly, we learned Aaron is the winner of Episode 1.
47:58See you all next week. Good night.
48:18G'day, Tom. Try to relax.
48:20Oh, thanks.
48:24Here we go.
48:25Nice whistle, bitch.
48:27Five of Australia's only comedians will be at my mercy
48:30as they attempt to win the official Taskmaster trophy.
48:33I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
48:37What?!
48:38I've never seen a group take so long to do a task
48:40that they had a coffee break in the middle.
48:42F*** you!
48:44You're stupid.
48:45Shut the f*** up!
48:50I don't know what's happening.
48:51Business!
48:52You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.