Taskmaster Australia S03E04

  • 2 days ago
Taskmaster Australia S03E04

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00No!
00:02Noooo!
00:04Argh!
00:06Oh!
00:08Argh!
00:10No!
00:12Nooo!
00:14He slayed it!
00:16Argh!
00:18Oh, f**k!
00:20Argh!
00:22Argh!
00:26Is this good television?
00:28Is this good television?
00:39Hello and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:41My name is Tom Gleeson and after decades battling Channel 10 in the courts,
00:46it brings me great pleasure to announce that the matter's been settled.
00:51While I can't disclose the details, what I can say is I'm being paid millions.
00:55Rove can never mention my mother ever again.
01:00And that the most important role in entertainment history is still mine.
01:04For I am the Taskmaster.
01:10It's now my duty and privilege to give these comedians one, two, three, four,
01:15or even five points based solely on what I reckon.
01:18And the overall prize they seek, let's just say,
01:21Indiana Jones would spit in Tootin' Carmen's face to lay his mitts on it for
01:26just one millisecond. It's a perfect golden replica of my head.
01:33It gives me half a mongrel. As always,
01:36I'm joined by five comedians desperately competing for points and this season
01:41they are Aaron Chen,
01:44Kenteta Caruso,
01:46Mel Buttle,
01:49Peter Halliang,
01:51and Rhys Nicholson.
01:55And to my left is a man with a misleading surname,
01:58considering his dad is the one who pays me for him to be here.
02:03It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:08G'day Tom, try to relax.
02:10Oh, thanks.
02:13How are you?
02:13I'm OK. My friend bought a car on the weekend and he said it'll get him from A to B.
02:18And I was like, oh, that's not very far.
02:21Like, if we're using the alphabet to denote distance, that's as short as it gets.
02:27If I had a car, I'd want it to get to at least C.
02:30Then I'd want to know that I could get back to A,
02:32because if I started at A, presumably that's where I live.
02:35And then I'd want to go on longer trips as well.
02:37So if I had a car, I'd want it to go from A to...
02:40I'd want it to go from A to C and then back to A and then to, like, R.
02:46And then it would spell what it is.
02:51Don't clap. It'll make him try again next week.
02:55Alright, Lyssa, Tom, what are we doing first?
02:57Well, we have our prize task this week.
02:59Our comedians have been asked to bring in the thing
03:01with the cutest face on it that isn't meant to be a face.
03:04Alright, Mel, what's your cute thing?
03:06It is a cup that was bought in India.
03:11And I think the artist made a mistake and did a sort of a little face on the back half there.
03:15It even looks like Family Guy. Like, it's got the blonde hair.
03:18But it's kind of cute. A little smile and an eye with no pupil.
03:21I'm worried it's not very cute.
03:23What?!
03:25Oh, I'm blown away.
03:27What could possibly be cuter than a little mouth that's just doing a little semi-smile
03:32like sometimes I see out of someone who sits...
03:39Conchita, what did you bring in?
03:40I brought in this adorable cheese grater.
03:43I brought in this adorable cheese grater.
03:51Alright. That is a very cute face.
03:53It looks a bit like Tom Cashman.
03:59It's a lot like Tom Cashman.
04:02Alright, Aaron, what did you bring in?
04:03So, I went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Magville called Viet Rolls.
04:08They're awesome guys.
04:11Did you just do a mention so you'd get free rolls?
04:16Because you slipped it in but you kind of looked at the camera when you said it.
04:20I'm in no way affiliated and use Aaron Chen at the checkout.
04:28But I went into the bathroom, right, and there was this metal bracket that used to be a soap holder.
04:35Okay.
04:39So, I got the owner to take it off the wall for me.
04:44But, yeah, I promised him I'd win this episode and bring it back because his business is really struggling and he...
04:52So, you moved very quickly from an endorsement to a bankruptcy.
04:57Alright, Peter, do you have a cute face that's not a face?
04:59I was struggling with this one, so I thought I'd go have a drink at a local bar and try to find some inspiration.
05:05And you will not believe what happened in the nick of time.
05:13You might be thinking that's what they all were supposed to look like.
05:16My wife had one as well. This is hers.
05:20That one came to me for a reason.
05:22Right.
05:23Rhys, what did you come up with?
05:25Like Pete, I struggled with this one up until this morning.
05:28I didn't have anything and then I'm making my toast this morning and you would not believe this.
05:41I cannot believe Moby came up on my post.
05:47I think Moby's very cute.
05:48Yeah.
05:49So, I'm glad you threw that in at the end because I was worried it was me and I suffer from a mild case of self-loathing at times.
05:54And I was going to mark you down, but I'm a big fan of Moby.
05:57Alright, so we need some scores.
05:58That's right.
05:59Mel, yours wasn't cute.
06:00I don't envy you on social media after this, but, you know.
06:05Also, I'm going to say, I feel like Conchita and Aaron were both going for a very similar vibe.
06:10But I'm just a bit more concerned about the Vietnamese roles business.
06:14Yep.
06:15So, I'm going to give Aaron three and Conchita two.
06:17Okay.
06:18It was a very cute face in Pete's drink, so I'm going to give Pete four.
06:20But with five points, I'm going to give it to Rhys because I'm a massive fan of Moby.
06:28Okay, let's get stuck into the real stuff.
06:31Alright, I don't think I've ever had less experience with the theme of a task than this.
06:51Ooh.
06:54Don't do that.
06:55That's crazy.
06:56Yeah.
06:57There is no Tom.
06:58Taskmaster VIP.
07:00Just on first look, what do you reckon?
07:02Play a round of strip poker with Tom.
07:04No, thanks.
07:05Try not to vomit in a bucket.
07:07Least vomit wins.
07:09Shall I be mother?
07:10Go for it.
07:12Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
07:17Oh, yes.
07:18Hottest club in town wins.
07:20Nice.
07:21Tom will join the line of your hottest club in 60 minutes.
07:24Your time starts now.
07:27We are the perfect three people.
07:30We all love clubbing.
07:31Well, you're young.
07:32You know what's in clubs.
07:33What makes them hot?
07:34Stripper poles.
07:36Yes.
07:37I think we should make them over 28s.
07:39Yes.
07:41What about you, Aaron?
07:4227.
07:43Okay, well that's...
07:45I'll wait outside for a year.
07:47We'll get you in.
07:48This could be a DJ.
07:49Hot plate.
07:50And hot, hot plate.
07:51Listen for the drop, it's coming.
07:53Name of the club.
07:54Name of the club, yeah.
07:56Moist.
07:58Club moist.
07:59Let's make this place really wet.
08:02That's hot.
08:03That stays.
08:08Yeah, that's a lot of moisture.
08:12Ernie and Bert and the Muppets are back.
08:15Have any of you even been to a nightclub in the last year?
08:19I've been to a clerb.
08:21Oh, what's a clerb?
08:26Is this an Italian thing again?
08:27No!
08:28No, it's a cool people thing.
08:30Are you saying Italians aren't cool?
08:31No, no, no, no, no, no.
08:34Alright, Lester, Tom, which club are we going to go to first?
08:37Let's see if I can get into club moist.
08:45Hi there.
08:46I'm here to attend the hottest club in town.
08:51What is happening?
08:54You can't wear that jacket.
08:55Okay.
08:56Are you the door person?
08:57Of course I'm the door person.
08:58I'm standing at the door.
08:59Okay.
09:00Literally.
09:01Let's put this on.
09:02Oh.
09:04Sounds quite wet in there.
09:06Are you prepared to get moist?
09:09I suppose if that's what the hottest club in town entails.
09:12Well, there's pre-wetting.
09:27Welcome to club moist.
09:28I'll be right with you.
09:29Okay.
09:38What can I get you?
09:40Um, what do you serve?
09:41What would you like?
09:43Of water?
09:53That's probably enough.
09:54Yep.
09:57Does that experience cost any money or that was just on the house?
10:00You're getting a bit aggro, mate.
10:02I think maybe you've had enough.
10:03Take him out.
10:04You've had enough.
10:05You're out.
10:06This is the end of the experience?
10:07This is the end of the experience.
10:08That's enough, mate.
10:09Okay.
10:10You're out.
10:16Well, it was definitely a nightclub run by Muppets.
10:19Pete, your hair there, your ridiculous wig,
10:22looked like Aaron's real hair.
10:26Well, we wanted to have a club that none of us would actually want to go to.
10:30It had to be pretentious and full of wankers
10:33and I think we achieved that.
10:36Well, there were times like it felt less like a nightclub
10:39and more like a performance art piece.
10:42Watching Tom walk in through the plastic,
10:44he seemed so genuinely terrified about what was happening in there
10:48and I think that's what happens in a hot club.
10:50When you're standing outside and you don't know what's happening,
10:52the noises were extremely concerning.
10:56What tunes were you spinning on the wet decks, Aaron?
10:59Do you know there's a DJ called Fred Again?
11:02Well, I was wet again.
11:09To be let into a club, you pay a door charge.
11:11Here on commercial TV, you watch ads.
11:14Time to pay the fee.
11:15And thank your lucky stars there's not a dress code.
11:17See you soon.
11:30Welcome back to Taskmaster,
11:32where five comedians are genuinely trying their best
11:35to win a piece of burnt toast and a metal bracket
11:38and Aaron Chen ripped off a restaurant wall.
11:41Where do we leave off, Lester Tom?
11:43We're halfway through a team task.
11:44Our teams are trying to turn the study into the hottest club in town.
11:47Next up, even if the club makes you line up out on the street,
11:50at least that street is Sesame Street.
11:52It's Ernie and Bert, good show, and Mel.
12:03Come on in.
12:04It's a red whistle.
12:07OK.
12:10It's a real sausage fest in here.
12:13G'day.
12:15Watch the vomit.
12:18Read me.
12:20You looking for the hottest club in town?
12:23You're not going to find it that easily, mate.
12:25Only a truly cool person can find the hottest club on their own.
12:29Oh, right.
12:37Doesn't seem like the hottest club in town.
12:43Oh, my God, here he comes.
12:49Hey, welcome to Shark Eyes.
12:51Shark Eyes?
12:52Are you on the list?
12:53Um, I hope so. My name's Tom Cashman.
12:56Sorry, you're not on the list.
12:58Oh.
12:59Also, we're at Capacity.
13:01Is that the hottest club in town?
13:03That's our resident DJ.
13:04OK.
13:05So the Capacity is just the DJ?
13:07Yep.
13:08What's the point of having a business
13:09where it's the hottest club in town,
13:11but the Capacity is the DJ?
13:12I want to see your cam!
13:14What's your name?
13:15Sorry, you don't fit the dress code.
13:16Oh, OK.
13:17Do you know what the dress code is?
13:18No.
13:19No suits, anything but suits.
13:20Anything but.
13:21And the boat doesn't dock for another eight hours.
13:24The boat's out in the lake for the next eight hours.
13:26It's a boat party club.
13:29OK.
13:30So the DJ is doing an eight-hour set?
13:32One, two, one, two, three, go!
13:36Is the music playing just in headphones that she has?
13:40Yep, it's a silent disco.
13:43It's a silent disco.
13:44I thought so.
13:45So it's a boat silent disco
13:47with the Capacity of zero on top of the DJ.
13:49Tornessa.
13:50Yeah?
13:51Can you get rid of him, please?
13:52Yeah.
13:53You are stinking the vibe of the hottest club in town.
13:55Please leave.
13:56All right.
13:57Well, it was nice to meet you.
13:58Why are you backing up?
13:59Turn around and walk forward.
14:00OK, sorry.
14:02Back to the bangers.
14:07Wow.
14:08Wow.
14:09I actually think that was pretty good.
14:10Like, I mean, it's a hot nightclub.
14:11It's very lateral thinking.
14:12You created this whole other terrible nightclub
14:14and then you went out and made a cool one that he had to find.
14:16To me, that's a really hot nightclub.
14:19And that's all.
14:20That's it.
14:21That's it.
14:22Yep.
14:23That's a really hot nightclub.
14:24I have a bonus and tip.
14:25And this might be wrong.
14:26Can you read the task out again, please?
14:28Sure.
14:29Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
14:32Oh, boy.
14:37So that would mean that the club being assessed, in your case,
14:40is the Red Whistle.
14:42Oh.
14:44So hang on.
14:45That really hot club that they nailed, called Shark Eyes,
14:48is not even in competition.
14:50No.
14:51What?
14:52No, no, no, no, no.
14:53Oh, sorry.
14:54Was it when you were outdoors in the study?
14:58These are some things that were in the Red Whistle.
15:00A sign saying, no coward punching.
15:02A sign saying it's a real sausage fest in here.
15:05And a piece of paper that specifically says
15:07it is not the hottest club in town.
15:13Well, I can only take your word for it
15:15that it isn't the hottest nightclub in town.
15:17So I'm going to give them up.
15:18It's five.
15:19Ernie and Bert get two each.
15:20OK.
15:24All right, listen, Tom.
15:25That task barely touched the sides.
15:27I'm ready for another.
15:28This next task is full of so many hilarious
15:30and entertaining moments it's literally bursting at the seams.
15:50Hi, Rose.
15:51Hi, Tom.
15:52Hi, Tom.
15:53Beep, beep.
15:54Interesting.
15:56Whoa.
15:57Oh, my gosh.
16:01Fabulous.
16:02Now I'm left with a puzzle.
16:03Should I come back in half an hour?
16:06Got it.
16:07Yeah, got it.
16:08Okey dokey.
16:11Create the best banner, then burst through it.
16:15Best banner and banner burst through wins.
16:17You must burst through your banner in 30 minutes.
16:20Your time...
16:21Starts now.
16:23Well, let's get the idea down first
16:25before we go down and create.
16:28The pencil's here kind of small, don't you reckon?
16:30Seems like a normal pencil from here.
16:32And what about this?
16:35I am appreciably...
16:36It's OK.
16:37Yeah.
16:38I could ride through it with a bike.
16:40Whoa.
16:41Whoa is right.
16:42What's the banner say?
16:44Oh, it has to say something.
16:46For the tournament of touch ball.
16:49Oh.
16:50Touch ball with a tap that I clearly won.
16:54That's not what occurred.
16:55Absolutely is what happened.
16:56No, it's not what happened.
16:57Absolute liar.
16:58Wouldn't trust him.
16:59He's currently lying.
17:00I'm not saying he's a liar, but sorry,
17:02they are lying right now.
17:03See?
17:04They're not a liar.
17:05Can't even get a gender right.
17:06I mean, that was a mistake I made,
17:08but it's not relevant.
17:09Hateful.
17:10In terms of best, what is the best in humanity?
17:14Like beauty.
17:16Beauty's good.
17:17Oh, yeah.
17:18Hope.
17:19Nice.
17:20It often rhymes.
17:21We know that.
17:22OK.
17:23It'll have a slander to the other team, won't it?
17:25Oh, really?
17:26So who's your enemy team?
17:27A lady called ****.
17:29What does she do?
17:30She throws dog poo, I believe, on my front lawn
17:33because I take great pride in my lawn.
17:35You believe that she does that?
17:36I can't prove it.
17:38It's really, her name really is ****.
17:40Maybe say a different name?
17:41Sue.
17:42Sue?
17:43Sue, leave the poo.
17:47We know it's you.
17:52OK, Mr Tom.
17:53Whose banner are we going to start with?
17:55Like an actor named Eric,
17:56right before Chopper was released in 1999,
17:58a banner is about to burst.
17:59It's Rhys Nicholson.
18:02I'm becoming that John Mulaney bit
18:03where you run out of space.
18:11That's still good.
18:12That's still good.
18:13It's still good.
18:14Can you tell I was rejected from three art schools?
18:16You were rejected from three art schools?
18:17Well, I wasn't accepted,
18:18and I will take, whenever I'm not accepted,
18:20I will take that as a rejection.
18:21I mean, you should.
18:22That's what rejection means.
18:23OK, well, if we're going to talk like that,
18:25who would know more than you?
18:29I'm kind of happy with that.
18:31I'm really sweating.
18:43Yeah, touch ball!
18:46I won!
18:48Shoo, shoo, shoo!
18:57Touch ball.
19:00Touch ball.
19:02Touch ball!
19:04Well, Rhys, I must say,
19:05when you were painting there and being mildly entertaining,
19:07you reminded me of Rolf Harris.
19:11No touch ball!
19:14I think it was mock humility
19:15when you said that you weren't very good at painting.
19:17I like arts and craft.
19:18I'm a crafty person,
19:19but I think craft is like...
19:21Craft isn't always art, is it?
19:23Craft is like...
19:24Sometimes it can be cheese.
19:34Alright, whose banner bursting are we going to see next?
19:37Here's Mel Buttle.
19:40Intimidation.
19:41Who am I intimidating?
19:42A woman called Sue.
19:43Sue!
19:44We know it's you!
19:46Exclamation mark.
19:47Scariest form of punctuation.
19:48Cease!
19:50Not please.
19:51Cease with the poo!
19:53Double exclamation mark.
19:54Thank you!
19:56Other intimidating things on the banner?
19:58Oh, a bit of maths.
19:59Good luck with that, Sue.
20:00Two times X plus A.
20:03Scary!
20:04Come over here.
20:05Fraction.
20:0646 over 82.
20:07That's not going to work out.
20:09Oh, the worst kind of maths.
20:10Long division.
20:11113.
20:12Scariest number.
20:13It's got 13 in it,
20:14plus the biggest number in the world,
20:15100,
20:16divided by 21.
20:17Good luck with that, Sue.
20:18This woman's going to be quaking in her boots.
20:20Also, actual poo,
20:22so she knows what she's done.
20:31Axe.
20:32Intimidating.
20:33A dangerous weapon.
20:34Watch out, Sue.
20:36And then you stand with it, like, sexually,
20:39because that's powerful.
20:44Cop that.
20:50Mel, that was a very intimidating presentation.
20:53After watching it, I feel like I'm on Sue's side.
20:57I'm just feeling like if this was a story on a current affair,
21:00you'd be the one featured in slow motion and black and white.
21:03Yeah, I know,
21:04and Sue would be walking on the beach going,
21:05I'm not sure what I've done wrong,
21:07like skipping a stone.
21:11Yeah.
21:12Okay, well, we've got more banner bursting to go,
21:14but first I'd like to welcome Team Advertising to the field.
21:17They've had a great run over the last six months
21:19and could really do some exciting things this post-season.
21:22We'll see you after this.
21:36Welcome back to Taskmaster,
21:37the show where five well-paid liberal elites
21:40are competing for Peter Hellyer's half-drunk margarita.
21:44Where were we?
21:45Our contestants are creating banners
21:47and then bursting through them.
21:48Both the banners themselves and the burst-throughs
21:50are being analysed by you.
21:52Okay, who's next?
21:53He's been bursting out of his Lycra bike shorts
21:55since he's been wearing them in 2004.
21:57It's Peter Hellyer.
22:06LAUGHTER
22:14My name's Tom Gleeson and I endorse this message.
22:20Ta-da!
22:22APPLAUSE
22:24Pretty good.
22:25Oh, no way, it's you.
22:26It's me, the whole time.
22:28This whole banner is about promoting Tom
22:31to get another gold Logie,
22:33and what better way than to have a papier-mâché Tom Gleeson
22:36next to a spray-painted Tom Gleeson.
22:38So it's a double Tom to promote a double gold Logie.
22:41Exactly right.
22:42Are we still in the burst-through?
22:46Is this not burst-through enough?
22:53Ah!
22:56Great work, Pete.
22:57Thanks, Tom.
23:00Thanks, Pete.
23:01Thanks, Tom.
23:03APPLAUSE
23:07So, with the shape of that hole in you bursting through,
23:10it was a very disappointing version of the MGM lion.
23:13Well, I was going for the alien,
23:15the alien kind of thing bursting through the chest.
23:18Sorry about the fingers.
23:20Or...
23:21It's my pleasure.
23:23LAUGHTER
23:26Fuck.
23:31And if that helps you win another gold Logie, mate,
23:34it's my bloody pleasure.
23:35And you bloody deserve it, mate.
23:37I deserve it.
23:38CHEERING
23:39I deserve it.
23:41He makes a good point.
23:42Another paper splitter, please.
23:44She's always bursting with something.
23:46It's Conchetta Cristo.
23:48HE PANTS
23:50HE SCREAMS
23:55HE PANTS
23:59Tom, what's your middle name?
24:01James.
24:02Tom James Cashman.
24:06Will you marry me?
24:09Oh.
24:10And make me the happiest horse in the village?
24:13You're a horse?
24:14Yes.
24:15Oh.
24:16Um, it's very flattering,
24:18but unfortunately I'm going to have to say, um, no.
24:22Because we're not in a romantic relationship.
24:25And just to vibe check, you wouldn't be interested in that?
24:28I think you have a boyfriend.
24:30Yeah, I do.
24:34All right.
24:36Thanks, Tom.
24:38Was the cartwheel cool?
24:41Yeah.
24:42Yeah.
24:45Why are you a horse?
24:46Huh?
24:47No, nothing.
24:49LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:58Now I'm free.
25:04That's the second time in the series
25:06you've proposed to Tom Cashman.
25:09He's all I've got.
25:11If I could propose to anyone else, I would.
25:15Either way, I'm saying Tom and Conchetta.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:20Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
25:22All right.
25:25Yeah, well, I think the burst through was fantastic.
25:27I loved the burst through, but I'm worried the message,
25:29it was just a bit basic, it felt more like a stage direction.
25:32You don't come right out and say it.
25:34I have to say it looking into his eyes.
25:37As a horse.
25:38As a horse!
25:40Can I just say I think we're burying the lead?
25:42A horse was riding a f***ing trike.
25:44LAUGHTER
25:47One more Burst Boy left.
25:49Burst into tears or burst through with tears?
25:51It's Aaron Chen.
25:53Describe to me one of your best days in your life.
25:56Cos I kind of want to dedicate this to you.
25:58I won the Don Norley Award in Year 11.
26:01We're going to do something much better than that.
26:04OK.
26:05Some of the best things, including race cars.
26:08Wow.
26:09Weaponry.
26:10Technology.
26:11Are those planes or missiles?
26:13Missiles, yeah.
26:14OK.
26:15A few minutes ago, the things that you thought were best
26:17were, I think, beauty and hope,
26:19and now we're focusing on Formula One cars and bombs?
26:22You have to defend beauty.
26:24OK.
26:25So Don Norley is kind of like a sports award?
26:27Yep.
26:28What sports did you play?
26:29Basketball.
26:30Is there any extra points for wettest burst?
26:33No.
26:34It looks like it's about Japan now.
26:37Mm.
26:38And then bombing.
26:39But now they're good at making race cars.
26:41Yep.
26:42OK, so that is not allowed to be Japan anymore.
26:45I like this.
26:46You know why?
26:47Why?
26:48It's not a direct reference to the bombing of Hiroshima.
26:54This is a disaster, Tom.
26:56I'm going to write beauty and hope to salvage any points.
26:59OK.
27:00OK.
27:01Pretty good.
27:05OK, so grab that end, and we're going to take this outside.
27:08Oh.
27:09Oh.
27:10Is this your burst through?
27:11This is not the burst through.
27:13There's going to be a hollow bit on it.
27:15OK.
27:16Yeah.
27:23Wow.
27:25This is the burst through.
27:27It will have to be.
27:30Do you want to do another one over this side?
27:44You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.
27:49I feel like everything went wrong for you there.
27:52No-one ever teaches you about, like, the viscosity of paint
27:57versus the thinness of paper, you know?
28:01Let's get to the message.
28:02The message was very confusing.
28:04It was a tribute to Tom Cashman winning the Don Northey Award.
28:07What's the Don Northey Award?
28:08The Don Northey Award was named after the Deputy Principal
28:11at the time.
28:12Most proficient player in any sport.
28:14Criteria based on skill, number of years played
28:16and service to the sport.
28:18Can I just say that Tom's bragging about winning a sports award
28:21at a very academic-focused high school.
28:24I was one of the only people who played any sport.
28:28Right.
28:29Can we see those banners one more time, please?
28:32Alright, so I'll go through the banners first.
28:34Aaron's definitely on one.
28:35Conchita on two, just because I found it a bit basic,
28:38the actual message.
28:39Mel's on three.
28:40And then I'm going to give Peter four for his banner
28:43because I agreed with the message.
28:45But just due to the artwork alone and also because it's about
28:48the nation's new favourite sport, touch ball,
28:51Rhys gets five.
28:53CHEERING
28:55Yeah!
28:56Now we have to analyse the burst throughs.
28:58It's no surprise, but Aaron's is one.
29:01And then I'm going to give Pete two.
29:03Mel's on three points.
29:04Rhys, you're on four for your burst through.
29:06Had a guitar, looked pretty cool.
29:07But the best burst through had to be
29:09Conchita on a trike!
29:11CHEERING
29:13Alright, Lester-Tom, can you tally that up for us?
29:15We're going to be combining both rankings into a final ranking.
29:18So the overall scores for this task, we've got Aaron on one, obviously.
29:21Then we've got Mel and Pete with three points each.
29:24Conchita with four.
29:25And the winner of the task is Rhys with five points!
29:27CHEERING
29:30We've got to go away and do some investigations
29:33into whether or not Don Northey is a real person
29:36and explain to Tom Cashman why, if he is, we still don't give a shit.
29:40More tasks after the break.
29:42CHEERING
29:53Welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:55So far, we've already been transported to Club Moist
29:58as well as seen Mel air her dog poo grievances.
30:02Lester-Tom, what is the scoreboard looking like?
30:05Well, Mel should potentially hit the juice to bulk up.
30:08She's on six.
30:09Then we've got Aaron, Conchita and Pete.
30:11They could spend a bit more time in the gym.
30:13But it's Rhys who's flexing el natural with a muscly 15 points!
30:16CHEERING
30:19Let's have another task.
30:20Sure thing.
30:21I should apologise in advance for this one, though,
30:23because we had a bit of a technical issue with the gravity.
30:26MUSIC
30:38Well, this looks good.
30:39Oh, my God.
30:41Tom, I thought you were dead.
30:43How are you doing?
30:44Something weird has happened.
30:45Like, gravity's all wrong.
30:47Yeah.
30:48Sorry, I've dropped the task on the ground.
30:51LAUGHTER
30:54OK.
30:56There's a bug on it.
31:00Make these scales register and flash the biggest weight...
31:03From the map.
31:05Map.
31:06From the mat.
31:07You cannot move the mat.
31:09You have 15 minutes.
31:10Highest registered weight wins.
31:14Your time starts now.
31:15Thank you. Can you help me up?
31:16No, cos I can't leave the mat.
31:18You're allowed to leave the mat.
31:20Sorry about that.
31:21That's OK.
31:22You're down there in the gutter where you belong.
31:24Up you pop.
31:25Now, how do I use these scales, Tom?
31:29Nice, simple physical task.
31:30Stay on the mat, apply pressure to the scales.
31:33Most pressure wins.
31:34Whose attempt are we going to see first?
31:36Do you smell that?
31:37It's a sort of Peter-y smell.
31:39That's right.
31:40Peter-y smell.
31:43I can use anything in the Taskmaster Ranch?
31:47All the information you need is in the task.
31:50Is it too dumb and over-simple just to push something?
31:53Seems too simple to me.
31:54There you go.
31:55To get some things.
31:56Is that going to be long enough?
31:58Is there a reason you chose that particular one,
32:00or was it either-or?
32:02Nice.
32:03Thanks.
32:06Map.
32:07So I've got to be on the mat.
32:09That's right.
32:10I cannot leave this mat.
32:11That's right.
32:12No leaving the mat.
32:13That's right.
32:14All right.
32:16Here we go.
32:21Whoops!
32:22Who would have foreseen that?
32:23Could I put something there?
32:25I mean...
32:27Yeah.
32:29Yeah, hold it, hold it.
32:30You need consistent weight.
32:34OK, I've missed there.
32:35Yep.
32:39Is this good television?
32:40Depends how well you do.
32:41Yep.
32:44Still a zero, unfortunately.
32:4620.5, 19.5, 21.1, 20.1.
32:51And it's off.
32:5220.8, 20.1, 19.6, 19.2, 18.8.
32:56Push.
32:57I feel like I'm doing a home birth.
32:58I'm on the floor of a bathroom pushing.
33:00Do you want me to hold your hand?
33:02Epidural is what I'd like.
33:0319.6, 19.1, 18.5.
33:06You're reducing.
33:07This scale's no good.
33:08This is going to get consistent pressure?
33:10Yep.
33:16Zero.
33:17What's the time, Tom?
33:18Check your...
33:1950 seconds left.
33:2021.5, 20.2.
33:21Tom, can you go and press that as hard as you can, please?
33:23OK.
33:24Can you press that with both hands with all your strength?
33:26Yeah.
33:277.4, write that down.
33:2816.9, 16.5 has been locked in.
33:3225.9.
33:36Did you register it from there?
33:37Yes, I did, with my voice.
33:39That's not really what registering means, though, is it?
33:41I can register to vote from my computer.
33:45Are you OK?
33:46Sure.
33:50So, now, you registered the weight from the map
33:52because you can register a vote on a computer?
33:55Just to register for something, anything, voting,
33:57if that's what you want to talk about.
34:00You can get on the sex register from your laptop?
34:02Yes, you can.
34:05Is it wrong that when I heard the phrase sex register,
34:07I thought, where do I sign up?
34:10LAUGHTER
34:12Now, Rhys and Pete,
34:13I feel like you picked the most obvious way to go at it.
34:16Do you think it will be enough?
34:17It felt like too much work.
34:18I didn't like this challenge, to be honest.
34:20I didn't like this task.
34:21I don't weigh myself a lot.
34:22There's enough bad news online.
34:25It was the most maddening task I think we'd gone through at that point.
34:28Like, I lost my...
34:31..mind.
34:32So, what are the results?
34:33Mel's weight was 7.4kg.
34:36Pete, his weight was 16.5kg.
34:38And Rhys' weight was 25.9kg.
34:44Who do we get to see throwing their weight around next?
34:46The first two letters of his name are the types of batteries
34:49we put in the scales.
34:50It's Aaron Chan.
34:52You cannot move the mat.
34:54That's right.
34:55But you can move the scales.
34:57Can you?
35:02CHEERING
35:08Easy.
35:10Yep.
35:12Yep.
35:18Is there a reading?
35:20Yeah, it's just...
35:21They're just 20.5kg.
35:24All right, we're going to try it cold.
35:3118.2kg.
35:32I wonder why that's 18.2kg.
35:35It does seem a bit low, doesn't it?
35:37Should I go more onto it in the middle?
35:39Yeah.
35:40More.
35:42Yes!
35:43It says 39.8kg.
35:44And it's in pounds.
35:45Is pounds heavier?
35:48I think it's close to broken.
35:50I'll get a safety one.
35:560kg.
35:58You weigh nothing?
35:59Yep.
36:00It's a kilo.
36:01One second.
36:04How do you think you went?
36:06I didn't consider the machine breaking.
36:10See you later, Tom.
36:17So, Aaron, in a previous episode,
36:19you were very concerned about property damage.
36:23Because lesser Tom here damaged a lock on a shed.
36:26Well, after Tom had done that heinous crime,
36:31I started committing the crimes that were modelled to me.
36:37So what was the best measurement he got?
36:39Because there are a few different measurements.
36:41None of them, I think, were the weight of the truck.
36:44Not even close.
36:4539.2lbs, which you asked whether that's more than kilos.
36:48The answer is no.
36:51Then we had 2.5 stone, which was 15.8kg.
36:55Then we had 0kg.
36:57At that point, you'd broken the scales.
36:59But the first registration was 20.5kg.
37:02You didn't take the soggy ground into account?
37:05I did not consider that at the time, Your Honour.
37:12I did think about that a lot when the task was finished.
37:16That came to me kind of like Einstein.
37:19But instead of an apple, it was mud.
37:23What was the relevance of the apple to Einstein?
37:30Aren't you supposed to be on the mat the whole time?
37:33You didn't have to be on the mat the whole time.
37:35The weight needed to be registered from the mat.
37:37Yeah, that's many ways to interpret it anyway.
37:43There's one more scale, poker or prodder to come.
37:46Why not go and weigh yourself and then your car
37:48and feel good about yourself?
37:50See you after the break.
38:00Look, I know you're watching it now,
38:01but how about watching more later?
38:02Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
38:05of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes
38:07at tenplay.com.au or the TenPlay app.
38:16Come on back inside, leave your slippers at the door,
38:19tie the cords of your gym jams and settle in for story time.
38:23What are we doing, Tom Cash, Converters Man?
38:26The contestants are trying to register a weight from the mat
38:30on scales that are up against a wall slash bathroom floor.
38:34OK, who's up next, Pookie?
38:37I love it when you copy that.
38:39It's Concetta Caristo.
38:41Can you go on there?
38:45What the four? Can we go on together?
38:50Shit, she's coming up dry.
38:53Can I use anything?
38:54All the information you need is in the task.
38:56Feels like we're moving in together.
38:58Where should we put the bath?
38:59Usually the bathroom, right?
39:00I want it in the lounge room.
39:03Is this a dumb joke?
39:05Is it on?
39:06Oh, it's not on.
39:07Are you serious?
39:09Are you stupid?
39:12Wasting my time again.
39:15You're bollocks.
39:17Well, that can't weigh 0.6.
39:20I'm going to kill you.
39:22I'm losing my mind.
39:24Come on, help me.
39:26What's going on?
39:29Why is this not showing up?
39:33This is stupid.
39:34Is this broken?
39:35Tom!
39:38Get in it.
39:41Tom, it's on zero.
39:43Just tell me this is normal.
39:45What about this is normal?
39:47Ah, what's heavy?
39:49I don't know.
39:51Come on, you old thing.
39:53What's the trick?
39:55What is going on?
39:57Can I move a car on it?
39:58We can move the car on it.
39:59Are you serious?
40:00Then let's go!
40:01Okay, you want to move the car?
40:02Yes!
40:03Tom?
40:06Tom, I'm going to cry.
40:09Do you want me to get on the truck?
40:12This is a freaking joke.
40:14I'm laughing.
40:16Ah!
40:20F***!
40:24That's good, whatever.
40:27Can you give me the drawer?
40:2930 seconds.
40:30Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
40:32Quick!
40:3610 seconds.
40:38This is going to f*** up.
40:41F***!
40:44Thanks, Uccello.
40:45This was broken.
40:47Just so you know, this whole thing's broken.
41:03So, did I win?
41:07You know what I'm just realising?
41:09That was just a mat on the floor.
41:12Oh god.
41:14Can you think about these idiots being like,
41:16oh, it was so hard, it broke my brain.
41:19Well, what about me?
41:21It literally broke me.
41:24And I was so mad at you, Tom, and you know I love you,
41:27but I wanted to wring your little neck.
41:31Probably the hardest I've ever had to try not to laugh in my life.
41:35You just kept going at it, I'm just trying to...
41:38So I'm trying to picture it,
41:40because I'm thinking it's a generation gap.
41:42For me, I'd be like, there are no cords.
41:45But for you, you're like, it's Bluetooth or something.
41:48How is it connected?
41:50I believe so wholeheartedly in the Taskmaster franchise
41:55and the technology that they have,
41:58that I'm not privy to.
42:02There's...
42:04It's like the MDM.
42:07There's cables through the floor
42:09and I just needed to try harder.
42:13Do you know how much it broke my heart
42:15to watch Aaron just take it off?
42:17Oh my god.
42:19All right, well, I think we need some final scores there.
42:22Obviously, one point for Conchetta,
42:24two for Mel, three for Pete, four for Aaron.
42:26And the winner of the task, with 25.9kg,
42:29is Rhys, with five points.
42:32All right.
42:33And how does that shape things up for tonight's episode?
42:36Mel is drooling it back on eight,
42:38and Rhys is ruling it on 20.
42:40Sorry for saying a mean thing about you, Mel.
42:43All right.
42:45We'd better keep moving before Conchetta starts stomping
42:48and screaming at the scoreboard for not changing.
42:51Get on up there for the live task.
42:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:58OK, Alissa, Tom, ease us into these easels.
43:01Well, first, could our contestants please choose a random easel?
43:07No, no.
43:09Please read that.
43:12Draw either a line graph about lines
43:16or a bar graph about bars
43:18or a column graph about columns
43:21or a pie graph about pies
43:24or a bubble graph about bubbles.
43:35You have 90 seconds.
43:37Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
43:40All right, we ready?
43:42Oh, you piece of shit.
43:45So Aaron has a bar graph, Mel is a bubble graph,
43:49Pete is a column graph, Conchetta is a line graph
43:52and Rhys is a pie graph.
43:54Five seconds.
43:56WHISTLE BLOWS
43:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:00Oh, no!
44:02Aaron, Aaron, look.
44:06Should I read it? Yeah.
44:08Each contestant must step one easel to the left.
44:12Explain the graph on your new easel.
44:16Best explanation wins.
44:18You have 30 seconds each to explain your new easel.
44:21Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
44:24All right, Conchetta, you're first.
44:26Hello. Hello, friends.
44:28This graph is both vulnerable and clear.
44:30This is a pie graph of the amount of pies that I've eaten
44:34in what time I ate them.
44:36So the majority, I'd say that's 90%, was during COVID lockdowns.
44:40And then the sliver, maybe 10%, was all other time.
44:44So I ate a lot, clearly, during COVID lockdowns
44:47and I don't eat them many times because they're crazy.
44:55Aaron.
44:56Size of bubbles.
44:58Pete, thanks for asking.
45:01So the size of a bubble, every bubble changes over its lifetime.
45:05For example...
45:08..goes from small to big and then small again.
45:13That happens in all facets of life, even in the bath.
45:21Mel.
45:22OK, I just need to be up here, no talking Lachlan, watching you.
45:26OK, so that's a first warning, next time is a phone call.
45:30Columns of the world, that's right.
45:34Columns of the world, that's right.
45:37That's what we're doing today and what we have been doing all term.
45:40So the columns that you may use on your test are tall column,
45:44medium column, short column, really small column.
45:52Rhys.
45:53Hello, Weight Watchers.
45:55As we see here, I've had a pretty rough week.
45:58This is what I've consumed mostly.
46:00I've loved Kit Kats.
46:02Safe for friends and someone else.
46:04Nah, I've eaten them all myself.
46:06I thought I was eating a Snickers.
46:08No, it was just a picnic.
46:10Yep.
46:14Pete, this is a graph about how I feel about line dancing
46:17and what it does to me, OK?
46:18Everyone's different, let me be clear on that.
46:20This is how good I feel, the vibes,
46:22and this is how long I'm line dancing for.
46:25So as you can see, when I start off line dancing,
46:27I'm kind of...I'm not really feeling it.
46:31I'm not sure.
46:32But hang on, the longer I do it...
46:34Here we go.
46:35Here we go.
46:36Ho, ho, ho, ho!
46:39Line dancing!
46:42Oh, my God!
46:44Alright, we'll find out who the winner is after this
46:46because I've just seen a graph from the Channel 10 sales department
46:49and we need these ads.
47:01Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
47:03If you're joining us now, you've basically just skipped
47:06to the last page of a brand-new book
47:08and all your favourite characters have died
47:10and been replaced by AI androids
47:12who understand most things except love,
47:14poorly drawn graphs and bathroom scales.
47:18I suppose I'd better score the live task we just witnessed.
47:21Mm-hm.
47:22Just to be clear, I'm judging the explanation of the graphs.
47:25Best explanation wins.
47:26Right, so straight away, it's pretty easy.
47:28I think I'm going to give Rhys one
47:30because it was self-evidently shit.
47:32Then I'm going to give Conchita two.
47:34It was a good explanation but a very simple one.
47:37I'm going to give Aaron three
47:39because he found more detail in the graph than I had noticed
47:42just looking at it.
47:43Then I'm going to give Mel four points
47:45because the schoolteacher skills came straight to the front
47:48and I think, just for sheer entertainment,
47:50I've got to give five points to Peter Hellyer!
47:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:55But who tonight has won our episode?
47:58Or, let's be honest, lost by the least.
48:01Well, in fifth place, we've got Conchita with 11 points.
48:04Then we've got Mel with 12, Aaron with 16,
48:07Pete with 20, but winning by one point,
48:09it's Rhys Nicholson with 21 points!
48:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
48:13Whoa!
48:14All right, congratulations, Rhys.
48:16Go on up the stage and face off
48:18with your five meant-to-be-faceless face items.
48:23Whilst Rhys gets close to their precious haul
48:26and realises that despite the numerous advances
48:28in neural mechanics,
48:29cold toast is still a pretty shitty prize,
48:32can we have the overall season scores so far?
48:34Yeah, well, I'd probably give summer a five.
48:36Um, probably give...
48:38LAUGHTER
48:39Autumn four.
48:45Oh, for the show!
48:46Oh, yeah.
48:47I'd be happy for you to drive from A to B again.
48:51Conchita and Rhys are tied leaders for the series
48:54with 65 points each.
48:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
48:59OK, and that brings us to the end
49:01of another episode of Taskmaster Australia.
49:04But what have we learnt here today?
49:06Well, we've learnt that even if lesser Tom
49:08is allowed into a nightclub,
49:10he'll be asked to leave soon after.
49:13We've learnt that the tensile strength of butcher's paper
49:16is no match for three kilograms of paint.
49:19And we've learnt that when it comes to scales,
49:22Conchita truly does believe in magic.
49:26But most importantly, we've learnt that Rhys
49:29is the winner of this episode.
49:31We'll see you next time.
49:33Goodnight.
49:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
49:49I can't even do this bullsh...
49:51Oh, f...
49:53That's a...
49:54Tom, you stink and you look like an idiot.
49:57F... you!
49:58I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, so...
50:00Keep the trauma at a level that we don't have to
50:02give out the lifeline number, OK?
50:04LAUGHTER