Taskmaster AU S03E04
Taskmaster AU S03E04
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00:00Nooooo!
00:02Nooooo!
00:04Nooooo!
00:06Nooooo!
00:08Nooooo!
00:10Nooooo!
00:12Nooooo!
00:14We slayed it!
00:16Is this good television?
00:31Hello and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:42My name is Tom Gleeson and after decades battling Channel 10 in the courts, it brings me great
00:47pleasure to announce that the matter's been settled.
00:50While I can't disclose the details, what I can say is I'm being paid millions, Rove can
00:56never mention my mother ever again, and that the most important role in entertainment history
01:02is still mine.
01:03For I am the Taskmaster.
01:04It's now my duty and privilege to give these comedians one, two, three, four or even five
01:15points based solely on what I reckon.
01:18And the overall prize they seek, let's just say Indiana Jones would spit in Tootin' Carmen's
01:24face to lay his mitts on it for just one millisecond.
01:28It's a perfect golden replica of my head.
01:32It gives me half a mongrel.
01:35As always, I'm joined by five comedians desperately competing for points, and this season they
01:41are Aaron Chen, Quintetta Caruso, Mel Buttle, Peter Hellier, and Rhys Nicholson.
01:55And to my left is a man with a misleading surname considering his dad is the one who
02:00pays me for him to be here.
02:03It's my assistant Tom Cashman.
02:05G'day Tom, try to relax.
02:10Oh, thanks.
02:11How are you?
02:13I'm okay.
02:14My friend bought a car on the weekend and he said it'll get him from A to B, and I was
02:18like, oh, that's not very far.
02:20Like, if we're using the alphabet to denote distance, that's as short as it gets.
02:26If I had a car, I'd want it to get to at least C.
02:30Then I'd want to know that I could get back to A, because if I started at A, presumably
02:33that's where I live.
02:35And then I'd want to go on longer trips as well.
02:37So if I had a car, I'd want it to go from A to C, and then back to A, and then to like
02:44R, and then it would spell what it is.
02:48Don't clap, it'll make him try again next week.
02:55Alright, Lester, Tom, what are we doing first?
02:58Well, we have our prize task this week.
03:01Our comedians have been asked to bring in the thing with the cutest face on it that
03:04isn't meant to be a face.
03:06Alright, Mel, what's your cute thing?
03:08It is a cup that was bought in India, and I think the artist made a mistake and did
03:15sort of a little face on the back half there.
03:17It even looks like Family Guy, like it's got the blonde hair.
03:20But it's kind of cute, a little smile and an eye with no pupil.
03:24I'm worried it's not very cute.
03:26What?
03:27Oh, I'm blown away.
03:29What could possibly be cuter than a little mouth that's just doing a little semi-smile
03:34like sometimes I see out of someone who sits...
03:41Conchita, what did you bring in?
03:44I brought in this adorable cheese grater.
03:53That is a very cute face.
03:54It looks a bit like Tom Cashman.
04:00It's a lot like Tom Cashman.
04:02Alright, Aaron, what did you bring in?
04:04So, I went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Magville called Viet Rolls.
04:09They're awesome guys.
04:11Did you just do a mention so you'd get free rolls?
04:16Because you slipped it in, but you kind of looked at the camera when you said it.
04:20I'm in no way affiliated and use Aaron Chen at the checkout.
04:28But I went into the bathroom, right, and there was this metal bracket that used to be a soap holder.
04:35So, I got the owner to take it off the wall for me.
04:44But, yeah, I promised him I'd win this episode and bring it back because his business is really struggling.
04:52So, you moved very quickly from an endorsement to a bankruptcy.
04:57Alright, Peter, do you have a cute face that's not a face?
04:59I was struggling with this one, so I thought I'd go have a drink at a local bar
05:03and try to find some inspiration.
05:05And you will not believe what happened in the nick of time.
05:13You might be thinking, that's what they all were supposed to look like.
05:16My wife had one as well. This is hers.
05:20That one came to me for a reason.
05:23Rhys, what did you come up with?
05:25Like Pete, I struggled with this one.
05:27Up until this morning, I didn't have anything.
05:29And then I'm making my toast this morning
05:32and you would not believe this.
05:41I cannot believe Moby came up on my post.
05:46I think Moby's very cute, so I'm glad you threw that in at the end
05:50because I was worried it was me and I suffer from a mild case of self-loathing at times
05:54and I was going to mark you down, but I'm a big fan of Moby.
05:57Alright, so we need some scores.
05:58That's right.
05:59Mel, yours wasn't cute.
06:00I don't envy you on social media after this, but, you know.
06:05Also, I'm going to say, I feel like Conchita and Aaron
06:08were both going for a very similar vibe.
06:10But I'm just a bit more concerned about the Vietnamese roles business.
06:14So I'm going to give Aaron 3 and Conchita 2.
06:17It was a very cute face in Pete's drink, so I'm going to give Pete 4.
06:20But with 5 points, I'm going to give it to Rhys
06:22because I'm a massive fan of Moby.
06:24Yeah!
06:28OK, let's get stuck into the real stuff.
06:30Alright, I don't think I've ever had less experience
06:33with the theme of a task than this.
06:51Oh!
06:54Don't do that.
06:55That's crazy.
06:56Yeah.
06:57There is no Tom.
06:58Task must have VIP.
07:00Just on first look, what do you reckon?
07:02Play a round of strip poker with Tom.
07:04No, thanks.
07:05Try not to vomit in a bucket.
07:07Least vomit wins.
07:08Shall I be mother?
07:09Please.
07:10Go for it.
07:12Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
07:16Oh, yes.
07:18Hottest club in town wins.
07:20Tom will join the line of your hottest club in 60 minutes.
07:24Your time starts now.
07:26We are the perfect three people.
07:29We all love clubbing.
07:31Well, you're young.
07:32You know what's in clubs.
07:33What makes them hot?
07:34Stripper poles.
07:36Yes.
07:37I think we should make them over 28s.
07:39Yeah.
07:40What about you, Aaron?
07:4227.
07:43OK.
07:44I'll wait outside for a year.
07:46We'll get you in.
07:48This could be a DJ.
07:49Hot plate.
07:50And hot, hot plate.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Listen for the drop.
07:53It's coming.
07:54Name of the club.
07:55Name of the club.
07:56Yeah.
07:57Um.
07:58Moist.
07:59Club moist.
08:00Let's make this place really wet.
08:02That's hot.
08:03That stays.
08:08Yeah.
08:09That's a lot of moisture.
08:12Ernie and Bert and the Muppets are back.
08:14Have any of you even been to a nightclub in the last year?
08:19I've been to a clerb.
08:20Oh.
08:21What's a clerb?
08:25Is this an Italian thing again?
08:27No.
08:28No, it's a cool people thing.
08:30Are you saying Italians aren't cool?
08:31No, no, no, no, no.
08:34Alright, Lester, Tom.
08:35Which club are we going to go to first?
08:37Let's see if I can get into club moist.
08:44Hi there.
08:46I'm here to attend the hottest club in town.
08:51What is happening?
08:54You can't wear that jacket.
08:55Okay.
08:56Are you the door person?
08:57Of course I'm the door person.
08:58I'm standing at the door.
08:59Okay.
09:00Literally.
09:01Let's put this on.
09:02Oh.
09:04Sounds quite wet in there.
09:06Are you prepared to get moist?
09:09I suppose if that's what the hottest club in town entails.
09:12Well, there's pre-wetting.
09:27Welcome to club moist.
09:28I'll be right with you.
09:29Okay.
09:38What can I get you?
09:40Um, what do you serve?
09:41What would you like?
09:43Of water?
09:53That's probably enough.
09:54Yep.
09:57Does that experience cost any money?
09:59Or that was just on the house?
10:00You're getting a bit aggro, mate.
10:02I think maybe you've had enough.
10:03Take him out.
10:04You've had enough.
10:05You're out.
10:06This is the end of the experience?
10:07This is the end of the experience.
10:08That's enough, mate.
10:09Okay.
10:16Well, it was definitely a nightclub run by Muppets.
10:19Pete, your hair there, your ridiculous wig, looked like Aaron's real hair.
10:26Well, we wanted to have a club that none of us would actually want to go to.
10:30It had to be pretentious and full of wankers.
10:33And I think we achieved that.
10:35Well, there were times like it felt less like a nightclub
10:38and more like a performance art piece.
10:41Watching Tom walk in through the plastic,
10:43he seemed so genuinely terrified about what was happening in there.
10:47And I think that's what happens in a hot club.
10:49When you're standing outside and you don't know what's happening,
10:51the noises were extremely concerning.
10:55What tunes were you spinning on the wet decks, Aaron?
10:58Do you know there's a DJ called Fred Again?
11:02Well, I was wet again.
11:05I was wet again.
11:09To be let into a club, you pay a door charge.
11:11Here on commercial TV, you watch ads.
11:13Time to pay the fee.
11:14And thank your lucky stars there's not a dress code.
11:17See you soon.
11:30Welcome back to Taskmaster,
11:31where five comedians are genuinely trying their best
11:34to win a piece of burnt toast
11:36and a metal bracket Aaron Chen ripped off a restaurant wall.
11:40Where do we leave off, Lester Tom?
11:42We're halfway through a team task.
11:43Our teams are trying to turn the study into the hottest club in town.
11:46Next up, even if the club makes you line up out on the street,
11:49at least that street is Sesame Street.
11:51It's Ernie and Bert, good to see you.
12:02Come on in.
12:04The Red Whistle.
12:06OK.
12:09It's a real sausage fest in here.
12:13G'day.
12:14Watch the vomit.
12:18Read me.
12:19You looking for the hottest club in town?
12:22You're not going to find it that easily, mate.
12:24Only a truly cool person can find the hottest club on their own.
12:28Oh, right.
12:34Doesn't seem like the hottest club in town.
12:40Oh, my God, here he comes.
12:46Hey, welcome to Shark Eyes.
12:48Shark Eyes?
12:49Are you on the list?
12:50Um, I hope so.
12:51My name's Tom Cashman.
12:53Sorry, you're not on the list.
12:55Oh.
12:56Also, we're at capacity.
12:58Is that the hottest club in town?
13:00That's our resident DJ.
13:02OK, so the capacity is just the DJ?
13:04Yep.
13:05What's the point of having a business
13:07where it's the hottest club in town but the capacity is the DJ?
13:10I want to see your can!
13:12What's your name?
13:13Sorry, you don't fit the dress code.
13:15Oh, OK.
13:16Do you know what the dress code is?
13:18No.
13:19No suits.
13:20Anything but suits.
13:21Anything but.
13:22And the boat doesn't dock for another eight hours.
13:24The boat's out in the lake for the next eight hours.
13:26It's a boat party club.
13:28OK.
13:29So the DJ is doing an eight-hour set?
13:31One, two, three, go!
13:33One, two, three, go!
13:35Is the music playing just in headphones that she has?
13:38Yep, it's a, um, silent disco.
13:41It's a silent disco.
13:42I thought so.
13:43So it's a boat silent disco
13:45with the capacity of zero on top of the DJ.
13:47Vanessa?
13:48Yeah?
13:49Can you get rid of him, please?
13:50Yeah.
13:51You are stinking the vibe of the hottest club in town.
13:53Oh, OK.
13:54Please leave.
13:55All right.
13:56Well, it was nice to meet you.
13:57Why are you backing up?
13:58Turn around and walk forward.
13:59OK, sorry.
14:01Back to the bangers.
14:07Wow.
14:08I actually think that was pretty good.
14:10Like, I mean, it's a hot nightclub.
14:11It's very lateral thinking.
14:12You created this whole other terrible nightclub
14:14and then you went out and made a cool one that he had to find.
14:16To me, that's a really hot nightclub.
14:19And that's all.
14:20That's it.
14:21That's it.
14:22Yep.
14:23That's a really hot nightclub.
14:24I have a bonus and tip.
14:25And this might be wrong.
14:26Can you read the task out again, please?
14:28Sure.
14:29Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
14:33Oh, boy.
14:37So that would mean that the club being assessed,
14:39in your case, is the Red Whistle.
14:41Oh.
14:44So hang on.
14:45That really hot club that they nailed,
14:47called Shark Eyes, is not even in competition.
14:49No.
14:50What?
14:51No, no, no, no, no, no.
14:53Oh, sorry.
14:54What is a study?
14:55When you were outdoors in the study.
14:57These are some things that were in the Red Whistle.
14:59A sign saying, no coward punching.
15:01A sign saying, it's a real sausage fest in here.
15:03And a piece of paper that specifically says,
15:05it is not the hottest club in town.
15:12Well, I can only take your word for it
15:14that it isn't the hottest nightclub in town.
15:16So I'm going to give them up.
15:17It's five.
15:18Ernie and Bert get two each.
15:19OK.
15:23All right.
15:24Listen, Tom.
15:25That task barely touched the sides.
15:27I'm ready for another.
15:28This next task is full of so many hilarious
15:30and entertaining moments,
15:31it's literally bursting at the seams.
15:49Hi, Rose.
15:50Hi, Tom.
15:51Hi, Tom.
15:53Beep, beep.
15:54Interesting.
15:56Whoa.
15:57Oh, my gosh.
16:01Fabulous.
16:02Now I'm left with a puzzle.
16:03Should I come back in half an hour?
16:06Got it.
16:07Yeah, got it.
16:08Okey dokey.
16:11Create the best banner, then burst through it.
16:15Best banner and banner burst through wins.
16:17You must burst through your banner in 30 minutes.
16:20Your time...
16:21Starts now.
16:22Well, let's get the idea down first
16:24before we go down and create.
16:27The pencil's here kind of small, don't you reckon?
16:29Seems like a normal pencil from here.
16:31And what about this?
16:34I am actually...
16:35It's OK.
16:36Yeah.
16:37I could ride through it with a bike.
16:39Whoa.
16:40Whoa is right.
16:41What's the banner say?
16:43Oh, it has to say something.
16:46For the tournament of touch ball.
16:48Oh.
16:49Touch ball.
16:50With a tap.
16:51With a tap.
16:52That I clearly won.
16:53That's not what occurred.
16:54Absolutely, it's what happened.
16:55No, it's not what happened.
16:56Absolute liar.
16:57Wouldn't trust him.
16:58He's currently lying.
16:59I'm not saying he's a liar,
17:00but sorry, they are lying right now.
17:02See?
17:03They're not a liar.
17:04Can't even get a gender right.
17:05I mean, that was a mistake I made,
17:07but it's not relevant.
17:08Hateful.
17:09In terms of best,
17:10what is the best in humanity?
17:13Like beauty.
17:15Beauty's good.
17:16Oh, yeah.
17:17Hope.
17:18Hope's nice.
17:19It often rhymes.
17:20We know that.
17:21Okay.
17:22It'll have a slander
17:23to the other team, won't it?
17:24Oh, really?
17:25So who's your enemy team?
17:26A lady called ****.
17:28What would she do?
17:29She throws dog poo,
17:31I believe,
17:32on my front lawn
17:33because I take great pride
17:34in my lawn.
17:35You believe that she does that?
17:36I can't prove it.
17:37It's really,
17:38her name really is ****.
17:39Maybe say a different name?
17:41Sue.
17:42Sue?
17:43Sue, leave the poo.
17:46We know it's you.
17:49Okay, Lister Tom,
17:50whose banner
17:51are we going to start with?
17:52Like an actor named Eric,
17:53right before Chopper
17:54was released in 1999,
17:55a banner is about to burst.
17:56It's Rhys Nicholson.
17:59I'm becoming
18:00that John Mulaney bit
18:01where you run out of space.
18:08That's still good.
18:09That's still good.
18:10It's still good.
18:11Can you tell I was rejected
18:12from three art schools?
18:13You were rejected
18:14from three art schools?
18:15Well, I wasn't accepted
18:16and I will take
18:17whenever I'm not accepted
18:19I will take that
18:20as a rejection.
18:21I mean, you should.
18:22That's what rejection means.
18:23Okay, well,
18:24if we're going to talk like that
18:25who would know more than you?
18:29I'm kind of happy with that.
18:31I'm really sweating.
18:42Yeah!
18:43Touch ball!
18:46I won!
18:47Shoo!
18:48Shoo!
18:49Shoo!
18:56Touch ball.
18:59Touch ball.
19:01Touch ball!
19:03Well, Rhys,
19:04I must say like
19:05when you were painting there
19:06and being mildly entertaining
19:07you reminded me of Rolf Harris.
19:10No, no touch ball.
19:13I think it was mock humility
19:14when you said
19:15that you weren't very good
19:16at painting.
19:17I like arts and craft.
19:18I'm a crafty person
19:19but I think craft
19:20is like
19:21craft isn't always art,
19:22is it?
19:23Craft is like
19:24Sometimes it can be cheese.
19:34Alright,
19:35whose banner bursting
19:36are we going to see next?
19:37Here's Mel Buttle.
19:39This banner is about
19:40one thing and one thing only
19:41intimidation.
19:42Who am I intimidating?
19:43A woman called Sue.
19:44Sue!
19:45Excuse you!
19:46Exclamation mark.
19:47Scariest form of punctuation.
19:49Cease!
19:50Not please.
19:51Cease with the poo!
19:53Double exclamation mark.
19:55Thank you!
19:57Other intimidating things
19:58on the banner?
19:59Oh, a bit of maths.
20:00Good luck with that, Sue.
20:01Two times X
20:02plus A
20:03Scary!
20:04Come over here.
20:05Fraction.
20:0646 over 82.
20:07That's not going to work out.
20:08Sucked in, idiot.
20:09Oh, the worst kind
20:10of maths.
20:11Long division.
20:12113.
20:13Scariest number.
20:14Plus the biggest
20:15number in the world
20:16100.
20:17Divided by 21.
20:18Good luck with that, Sue.
20:19This woman's
20:20going to be quaking
20:21in her boots.
20:22Also, actual poo
20:23so she knows
20:24what she's done.
20:31Axe.
20:32Intimidating.
20:33A dangerous weapon.
20:34Watch out, Sue.
20:36And then you
20:37stand with it
20:38like sexily
20:39because that's powerful.
20:40Cop that.
20:46Mel, that was a
20:47very intimidating
20:48presentation.
20:50After watching it,
20:51I feel like I'm on
20:52Sue's side.
20:53I'm just feeling like
20:54if this was a story
20:55on a current affair,
20:56you'd be the one
20:57featured in slow motion
20:58and black and white.
20:59Yeah, I know.
21:00And Sue would be
21:01walking on the beach
21:02going,
21:03I'm not sure
21:04what I've done wrong,
21:05like skipping a stone.
21:06I'm not sure
21:07what I've done wrong,
21:08like skipping a stone.
21:09Yeah.
21:10Okay, well,
21:11we've got more
21:12banner bursting to go
21:13but first,
21:14I'd like to welcome
21:15Team Advertising
21:16to the field.
21:17They've had a great
21:18run over the last
21:19six months
21:20and could really
21:21do some exciting
21:22things this post-season.
21:23We'll see you
21:24after this.
21:35Welcome back
21:36to Taskmaster,
21:37the show where
21:38the well-paid
21:39liberal elites
21:40are competing
21:41for Peter Hellyer's
21:42half-drunk margarita.
21:43Where were we?
21:44Our contestants
21:45are creating banners
21:46and then bursting
21:47through them.
21:48Both the banners
21:49themselves and the
21:50burst throughs
21:51are being analysed
21:52by you.
21:53Okay, who's next?
21:54He's been bursting
21:55out of his Lycra bike
21:56shorts since
21:57he's been wearing them
21:58in 2004.
21:59It's Peter Hellyer.
22:08My name's
22:09Tom Gleeson
22:10and I endorse
22:11this message.
22:15Ta-da!
22:18Pretty good.
22:19Oh, no way.
22:20It's you.
22:21It's me.
22:22The whole time.
22:23This whole banner
22:24is about
22:25promoting Tom
22:26to get another
22:27gold Logie
22:28and what better way
22:29than to have a
22:30paper mache
22:31Tom Gleeson
22:32next to a
22:33spray-painted
22:34Tom Gleeson
22:35and a
22:36paper mache
22:38spray-painted
22:39Tom Gleeson.
22:40So it's a
22:41double Tom
22:42to promote
22:43a double gold Logie.
22:44Exactly right.
22:45Are we still
22:46in the burst through?
22:47He's not
22:48burst through
22:49enough?
22:56Great work,
22:57Pete.
22:58Thanks, Tom.
23:01Thanks, Pete.
23:02Thanks, Tom.
23:03So,
23:04with the shape
23:05of that hole
23:06in you
23:07bursting
23:08through,
23:09it was a
23:10very disappointing
23:11version of
23:12the MGM lion.
23:13Well,
23:14I was going
23:15for the alien.
23:16The alien kind
23:17of thing
23:18bursting through
23:19the chest.
23:20Sorry about
23:21the fingers.
23:22Or,
23:23it's my pleasure.
23:24And if that helps
23:25you win another
23:26gold Logie,
23:27mate,
23:28it's my bloody
23:29pleasure.
23:30And you
23:31bloody deserve
23:32it, mate.
23:33I deserve
23:34it.
23:35I deserve
23:36it.
23:37He makes
23:38a good point.
23:39Another
23:40paper splitter,
23:41please.
23:42She's always
23:43bursting with
23:44something.
23:45It's
23:46Conchetta
23:47Cristo.
23:54Tom,
23:55what's
23:56your middle
23:57name?
23:58James.
23:59Tom
24:00James
24:01Cashman.
24:02Will
24:03you
24:04marry me?
24:05Oh.
24:06And
24:07make me
24:08the
24:09happiest
24:10horse
24:11in the
24:12village?
24:13You're a
24:14horse?
24:15Yes.
24:16Oh.
24:17Um,
24:18it's
24:19very
24:20flattering,
24:21but
24:22unfortunately
24:23I don't
24:24have a
24:25romantic
24:26relationship.
24:27And
24:28just to
24:29vibe,
24:30you
24:31wouldn't
24:32be
24:33interested
24:34in that?
24:35I think
24:36you have
24:37a
24:38boyfriend.
24:39Yeah,
24:40I do.
24:41Alright.
24:42Thanks,
24:43Tom.
24:44Was
24:45the
24:46cart
24:47all cool?
24:48Yeah.
24:49Yeah.
24:50Why
24:51are you
24:52laughing?
24:58Now I'm
24:59free!
25:04Ah,
25:05that's the
25:06second time in
25:07this series
25:08you've
25:09proposed
25:10to Tom
25:11Cashman.
25:12He's
25:13all
25:14I've
25:15got.
25:16If I
25:17could
25:18propose
25:19to
25:20anyone
25:21I'd
25:22do
25:23this.
25:24All
25:25right.
25:26Yeah,
25:27well,
25:28I think
25:29the
25:30burst
25:31through
25:32was
25:33fantastic.
25:34I
25:35love
25:36the
25:37burst
25:38through,
25:39but
25:40I'm
25:41worried the
25:42message
25:43was just
25:44a bit
25:45basic.
25:46It
25:47felt
25:48more
25:49like a
25:50joke.
25:51I
25:52don't
25:53know
25:54what
25:55you're
25:56talking
25:57about.
25:58I
25:59don't
26:00know
26:01what
26:02you're
26:03talking
26:04about.
26:05I
26:06don't
26:07know
26:08what
26:09you're
26:10talking
26:11about.
26:12I
26:13don't
26:14know
26:15what
26:16you're
26:17talking
26:18about.
26:19I
26:20don't
26:21know
26:22what
26:23you're
26:24talking
26:25about.
26:26I
26:27don't
26:28know
26:29what
26:30you're
26:31talking
26:32about.
26:33I
26:34don't
26:35know
26:36what
26:37you're
26:38talking
26:39about.
26:40I
26:41don't
26:42know
26:43what
26:44you're
26:45talking
26:46about.
26:47I
26:48don't
26:49know
26:50what
26:51you're
26:52talking
26:53about.
26:54I
26:55don't
26:56know
26:57what
26:58you're
26:59talking
27:00about.
27:01I
27:02don't
27:03know
27:04what
27:05you're
27:06talking
27:07about.
27:08I
27:09don't
27:10know
27:11what
27:12you're
27:13talking
27:14about.
27:15I
27:16don't
27:18know
27:19what
27:20you're
27:21talking
27:22about.
27:23I
27:24don't
27:25know
27:26what
27:27you're
27:28talking
27:29about.
27:30I
27:31don't
27:32know
27:33what
27:34you're
27:35talking
27:36about.
27:37I
27:38don't
27:39know
27:40what
27:41you're
27:42talking
27:43about.
27:44I
27:45don't
27:46know
27:47what
27:48you're
27:49talking
27:50about.
27:51I
27:52don't
27:53know
27:54what
27:55you're
27:56talking
27:57about.
27:58I
27:59don't
28:00know
28:01what
28:02you're
28:03talking
28:04about.
28:05I
28:06don't
28:07know
28:08what
28:09you're
28:10talking
28:11about.
28:12I
28:13don't
28:14know
28:15what
28:16you're
28:17talking
28:18about.
28:19I
28:20don't
28:21know
28:22what
28:23you're
28:24talking
28:25about.
28:26I
28:27don't
28:28know
28:29what
28:30you're
28:31talking
28:32about.
28:33I
28:34don't
28:35know
28:36what
28:37you're
28:38talking
28:39about.
28:40I
28:41don't
28:42know
28:43what
28:44you're
28:45talking
28:46about.
28:47I
28:48don't
28:49know
28:50what
28:51you're
28:52talking
28:53about.
28:54I
28:55don't
28:56know
28:57what
28:58you're
28:59talking
29:00about.
29:01I
29:02don't
29:03know
29:04what
29:05you're
29:06talking
29:07about.
29:08I
29:09don't
29:10know
29:11what
29:12you're
29:13talking
29:14about.
29:15I
29:16don't
29:17know
29:18what
29:19you're
29:20talking
29:21about.
29:22I
29:23don't
29:24know
29:38what
29:39you're
29:40talking
29:41about.
29:42Welcome back to Classmasters. So far we've already been transported to Club Moist as
29:59well as seen Mel air her dog poo grievances. Listen Tom, what is the scoreboard looking
30:04like? Well, Mel should potentially hit the deuce to bulk up. She's on 6th. Then we've
30:09got Aaron Conchetta and Pete. They could spend a bit more time in the gym. But it's Resus
30:13Flexing El Natural with a muscly 15 points. Let's have another task. Sure thing. I should
30:21apologise in advance for this one though because we had a bit of a technical issue
30:24with the gravity. Oh, this looks good. Oh my gosh. Tom, I thought you were dead. How
30:43are you doing? Something weird has happened. Like gravity's all wrong. Yeah. Sorry, I've
30:47dropped the task on the ground. Okay. There's a bug on it. Make these scales register and
31:02flash the biggest weight. From the map. Map. Wait. From the mat. You cannot move the mat.
31:09You have 15 minutes. Highest registered weight wins. Your time starts now. Thank you. Can
31:15you help me up? No, because I can't leave the mat. You're allowed to leave the mat. Thank you.
31:20I'm sorry about that. That's okay. You're down there in the gutter where you belong. Up you pop.
31:24Now, how do I use these scales, Tom? Nice simple physical task. Stay on the mat. Apply pressure to
31:32the scales. Most pressure wins. Whose attempt are we going to see first? Do you smell that? It's a
31:37sort of a petery smell. That's right. Petery smell. I can use anything in the task master
31:46ranch. All the information you need is in the task. Is it too dumb and over simple just to
31:52push something? Seems too simple to me. There you go. To get some things. Is that going to be long
31:57enough? Is there a reason you chose that particular one or was it either or? Nice. Thanks. Nah.
32:06So I've got to be on the mat. That's right. I cannot leave this mat. That's right. No leaving
32:12the mat. That's right. Whoops. Who would have foreseen that? Could I put something there?
32:24I mean, yeah. Hold on. You need consistent weight. I've missed there. Yep. Is this good
32:39television? Depends how well you do. Still a zero, unfortunately. 20.5, 19.5, 21.1, 20.1.
32:49And it's off. 20.8, 20.1, 19.6, 19.2, 18.8. Push. I feel like I'm doing a home birth. I'm on the
32:58floor of a bathroom pushing. Do you want me to hold your hand? Epidural is what I'd like. 19.6,
33:0419.1, 18.5. You're reducing. This scale's no good. This is going to get consistent pressure? Yep.
33:11Zero. What's the time, Tom? Check your- 50 seconds left. 21.5, 20.2. Tom, can you go and
33:20press that as hard as you can, please? Okay. Now, can you press that with both hands with
33:24all your strength? Yeah. 7.4, write that down. 16.9, 16.5 has been locked in. 25.9.
33:35Did you register it from there? Yes, I did with my voice. That's not really what registering means,
33:40though, is it? I can register to vote from my computer. Are you okay? Sure.
33:49So, now, you registered the weight from the mat because you can register a vote on a computer.
33:55Just to register for something, anything, voting, if that's what you
33:58want to talk about. You can get on the sex register from your laptop? Yes, you can.
34:05Is it wrong that when I heard the phrase sex register, I thought, where do I sign up?
34:10Now, Rhys and Pete, I feel like you picked the most obvious way to go at it. Do you think it
34:16will be enough? It felt like too much work. I didn't like this challenge, to be honest. I didn't
34:20like this task. I don't weigh myself a lot. There's enough bad news online. It was the most maddening
34:26task I think we'd gone through at that point. Like, I lost my mind. So, what are the results?
34:33Mel's weight was 7.4 kilograms. Pete, his weight was 16.5 kilograms and Rhys' weight was 25.9
34:41kilograms. Who do we get to see throwing their weight around next? The first two letters of
34:47his name are the types of batteries we put in the scales. It's Aaron Chan. You cannot move the mat.
34:54That's right. But you can move the scales. Can you?
35:08Easy. Yep. Yep.
35:13Is there a reading? Yeah, it's just, they're just 20.5 kilos. All right, we're gonna try it cold.
35:2618.2. I wonder why that's 18.2 kilos. It does seem a bit low, doesn't it? Should I go more onto
35:34it in the middle? Yeah, more. Yes. It says 39.8. And it's in pound. Is pounds heavier?
35:42I think it's close to broken. I'll get a safety one.
35:50Zero kilos. You weigh nothing? Yep. It's a kilo. One second.
35:58How do you think you went? I didn't consider the machine breaking. See you later, Tom.
36:16So Aaron, in a previous episode, you were very concerned about property damage.
36:21Because lesser Tom here damaged a lock on a shed. Well, after Tom had done that heinous crime,
36:30I started committing the crimes that were modelled to me.
36:35So what was the best measurement he got? Because there are a few different measurements.
36:39None of them, I think, were the weight of the truck.
36:42Not even close. 39.2 pounds, which you asked whether that's more than kilos. The answer is no.
36:48Then we had two and a half stone, which was 15.8 kilograms. Then we had zero kilograms.
36:55At that point, you'd broken the scales. But the first registration was 20.5 kilograms.
37:00You didn't take the soggy ground into account? I did not consider that at the time, Your Honour.
37:08And I did think about that a lot when the task was finished. That came to me kind of like Einstein.
37:17But instead of an apple, it was mud. What was the relevance of the apple to Einstein?
37:28I was always asked about, aren't you supposed to be on the mat the whole time?
37:31You didn't have to be on the mat the whole time. The weight needed to be registered from the mat.
37:35Yeah, there's many ways to interpret it anyway.
37:41There's one more scale, poker or prodder to come. Why not go on a tour?
37:46Why not go and weigh yourself and then your car and feel good about yourself?
37:50See you after the break.
38:00Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
38:02Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation of Taskmaster Australia
38:06with full episodes at tenplay.com.au or the TenPlay app.
38:15Come on back inside, leave your slippers at the door,
38:19tie the cords of your gym jams and settle in for story time.
38:23What are we doing, Tom Cash Converters Man?
38:26The contestants are trying to register a weight from the mat
38:30on scales that are up against a wall slash bathroom floor.
38:33OK, who's up next, Pookie?
38:37I love it when you copy that. It's Concetta Caristo.
38:40Can you go on there?
38:45What the four? Can we go on together?
38:50Shit, she's coming up dry. Can I use anything?
38:54All the information you need is in the task.
38:56Feels like we're moving in together.
38:58Where should we put the bath?
38:59Usually the bathroom, right?
39:00I want it in the lounge room.
39:03Is this a dumb joke? Is it on?
39:06Oh, it's not on.
39:07Are you serious? Are you stupid?
39:11Why is it in my...
39:13Start the timer again!
39:15You're bullocks!
39:17Well, that can't weigh zero point...
39:19I'm going to kill you!
39:22I'm losing my mind!
39:24Come on, help me!
39:27What's going on?
39:28Why is this not showing up?
39:33This is stupid.
39:34Is this broken?
39:35Tom!
39:38Get in it.
39:41Tom, it's on zero.
39:42Just tell me this is normal.
39:45What about this is normal?
39:48What's heavy?
39:49I don't know!
39:51Come on, you old thing.
39:53What's the trick?
39:55What is going on?
39:57Can I move a car on it?
39:58We can move the car on it.
39:59Are you serious? Then let's go!
40:00Okay, you want to move the car?
40:01Yes!
40:03Tom?
40:06Tom, I'm going to cry!
40:08I'm going to cry!
40:09Do you want me to get on the truck?
40:12This is a freaking joke.
40:14I'm laughing.
40:24That's good, whatever.
40:27Can you give me the draw?
40:2930 seconds.
40:29Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
40:32Quick!
40:3610 seconds.
40:37No, this is going to f*** up!
40:44Thanks, Uccella.
40:45This was broken.
40:47Just so you know, this whole thing's broken.
41:03So, did I win?
41:07You know what I'm just realising?
41:08That was just a mat on the floor.
41:12Oh god!
41:14Can you think about these idiots being like,
41:16oh, it's so hard, it broke my brain!
41:18Well, what about me?
41:21It literally broke me!
41:24And I was so mad at you, Tom,
41:25and you know I love you,
41:26but I wanted to wring your little neck!
41:30Probably the hardest I've ever had to try
41:32not to laugh in my life.
41:35You just kept going at it.
41:36I'm just trying to...
41:38So I'm trying to picture it,
41:40because I'm thinking it's a generation gap.
41:41Like, for me, I'd be like,
41:42well, there are no cords.
41:44But like, for you, you're like,
41:46it's Bluetooth or something.
41:47It's connected.
41:48Like, how is it connected?
41:50Or...
41:50I believe so wholeheartedly
41:52in the Taskmaster franchise,
41:55and the technology that they have
41:58that I'm not privy to.
42:00Because I thought there's...
42:03Like, it's almost like the MDM.
42:06There's like cables through the floor,
42:08and I just, like,
42:10needed to just try harder.
42:12Do you know how much it broke my heart
42:14to watch Aaron just take it off?
42:17Oh my god.
42:18All right, well, I think we need
42:19some final scores there.
42:21Obviously, one point for Conchetta,
42:23two for Mel, three for Pete,
42:24four for Aaron,
42:25and the winner of the task,
42:26with 25.9 kilograms,
42:28it's Rhys with five points!
42:33And how does that shape things up
42:35for tonight's episode?
42:36Mel is drooling it back on eight,
42:38and Rhys is ruling it on 20.
42:40Sorry for saying a mean thing about you, Mel.
42:43All right.
42:45We better keep moving
42:46before Conchetta starts stomping
42:48and screaming at the scoreboard
42:49for not changing.
42:51Get on up there for the live task!
42:58Okay, Lester, Tom,
42:59ease us into these easels.
43:01Well, first, could our contestants
43:02please choose a random easel?
43:06No, no.
43:09Please read that.
43:12Draw either a line graph about lines,
43:16or a bar graph about bars,
43:18or a column graph about columns,
43:21or a pie graph about pies,
43:24or a bubble graph about bubbles.
43:26Your graph type and subject
43:29has been determined
43:30by the easel you have stood beside.
43:34You have 90 seconds.
43:36Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
43:40All right, we ready?
43:42Oh, you piece of shit.
43:46So Aaron has a bar graph,
43:47Mel is a bubble graph,
43:49Pete is a column graph,
43:50Conchetta is a line graph,
43:52and Rhys is a pie graph.
43:54Five seconds.
44:00Oh, no.
44:02Aaron, Aaron, look.
44:06Should I read it?
44:07Yeah.
44:09Each contestant must step
44:11one easel to the left.
44:13Explain the graph on your new easel.
44:17Best explanation wins.
44:19You have 30 seconds each
44:21to explain your new easel.
44:22Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
44:25All right, Conchetta, you're first.
44:26Hello.
44:27Hello, friends.
44:28This graph is both vulnerable and clear.
44:31This is a pie graph
44:32of the amount of pies that I've eaten
44:35in what time I ate them.
44:36So the majority, I'd say that's 90%,
44:38was during COVID lockdowns.
44:40And then the sliver, maybe 10%,
44:42was all other time.
44:44So I ate a lot clearly
44:46during COVID lockdowns
44:47and I don't eat them many times
44:49because they're crazy.
44:55Aaron.
44:56Size of bubbles.
44:59Thanks for asking.
45:01So the size of a bubble,
45:03every bubble changes over its lifetime.
45:06For example.
45:12Goes from small to big
45:14and then small again.
45:16That happens in all facets of life,
45:18even in the bath.
45:24Mel.
45:25Okay, I just need to be up here.
45:26No talking, Lachlan.
45:27Watching you.
45:28Okay, so.
45:30That's a first warning.
45:31Next time is a phone call home.
45:33Columns of the world.
45:36That's right.
45:37That's what we're doing today
45:38and what we have been doing all term.
45:40So.
45:40So the columns that you may use
45:42on your test are tall column,
45:44medium column, short column,
45:46really small column.
45:51Rhys.
45:52Hello, Weight Watchers.
45:55As we see here,
45:56I've had a pretty rough week.
45:58This is what I've consumed mostly.
46:00I've loved Kit Kats.
46:01Are they for friends and someone else?
46:04Nah, I've eaten them all myself.
46:06I thought I was eating a Snickers.
46:08No, it was just a picnic.
46:10Yep.
46:13Pete.
46:14This is a graph about how I feel about line dancing
46:16and what it does to me.
46:17Okay, everyone's different.
46:18Let me be clear on that.
46:19This is how good I feel,
46:21the vibes
46:22and this is how long I'm line dancing for.
46:24So as you can see,
46:25when I start off line dancing,
46:27I'm kind of,
46:28I'm not really feeling it.
46:29I'm like,
46:30I'm not sure.
46:31But hang on,
46:32the longer I do it,
46:33here we go.
46:35Here we go.
46:35Ho, ho, ho, ho!
46:39I love dancing.
46:44All right, we'll find out who the winner is after this
46:46because I've just seen a graph
46:47from the Channel 10 sales department
46:49and we need these ads.
46:57Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
47:03If you're joining us now,
47:04you've basically just skipped to the last page
47:06of a brand new book
47:08and all your favourite characters have died
47:10and been replaced by AI,
47:11androids,
47:12who understand most things except love,
47:14poorly drawn graphs
47:15and bathroom scales.
47:18I suppose I'd better score the live task
47:20we just witnessed.
47:21Just to be clear,
47:22I'm judging the explanation of the graphs.
47:24Best explanation wins.
47:26Right, so straight away,
47:27it's pretty easy.
47:28I think I'm going to give Rhys one
47:29because it was self-evidently shit.
47:32Then I'm going to give Conchita two.
47:34It was a good explanation,
47:35but a very simple one.
47:36I'm going to give Aaron three
47:38because he found more detail in the graph
47:41than I had noticed,
47:42just looking at it.
47:43Then I'm going to give Mel four points
47:45because the school teacher skills
47:47came straight to the front.
47:48And I think just for sheer entertainment,
47:50I've got to give five points to Peter Hellyer.
47:56But who tonight has won our episode?
47:59Or let's be honest,
48:00lost by the least.
48:02Well, in fifth place,
48:03we've got Conchita with 11 points.
48:05Then we've got Mel with 12.
48:06Aaron with 16.
48:07Pete with 20.
48:08But winning by one point,
48:09it's Rhys Nicholson with 21 points.
48:15All right.
48:15Congratulations, Rhys.
48:17Go on up the stage
48:18and face off with your five
48:20meant-to-be-faceless placed items.
48:23Whilst Rhys gets close
48:25to their precious haul
48:26and realises that despite
48:27the numerous advances in neural mechanics,
48:29cold toast is still a pretty shitty prize.
48:32Can we have the overall season scores so far?
48:34Yeah, well, I'd probably give summer a five.
48:37Probably give autumn four.
48:45Oh, for the show.
48:46Oh, for the show.
48:47I'd be happy for you to drive from A to B again.
48:51Conchita and Rhys are tied leaders
48:53for the series with 65 points each.
48:59OK, and that brings us
49:01to the end of another episode
49:02of Taskmaster Australia.
49:04But what have we learnt here today?
49:06Well, we've learnt that
49:07even if Lesser Tom is allowed
49:09into a nightclub,
49:10he'll be asked to leave soon after.
49:13We've learnt that the tensile strength
49:14of butcher's paper
49:16is no match for three kilograms of paint.
49:19And we've learnt that
49:21when it comes to scales,
49:22Conchita truly does believe in magic.
49:26But most importantly,
49:28we've learnt that Rhys
49:29is the winner of this episode.
49:32We'll see you next time.
49:33Good night.
49:49Can't even do this bullshit.
49:52Oh, f**k.
49:53That's a f**king f**k.
49:54Tom, you stink and you look like an idiot.
49:57F**k you.
49:58I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
50:00Keep the trauma at a level
50:01that we don't have to give out
50:02the lifeline number, OK?