Taskmaster NZ S05 E10
Taskmaster NZ S05 E10
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00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11Hee hee hee.
00:12Nomai Bikkimai, welcome to the grand finale of Season 5 of The Biggest Show on TV.
00:41Welcome to the grand finale of Taskmaster.
00:43My name is Jeremy Wells.
00:46This is the episode that matters, where our winner is crowned, and where history is written.
00:53And by history, I mean the Taskmaster New Zealand Wikipedia page.
00:58And tonight, we'll find out which of our five comedians will go home with this.
01:04The golden Taskmaster trophy.
01:07And here to win my magnificent golden bust, we have Abbey Howell, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul,
01:21and Tom Sainsbury.
01:23Now, Te Whangarei has been unable to join us in the studio for the season, but we've
01:31had incredible guests to stand in in his place.
01:35And this episode is no exception, please give a huge round of applause to the one,
01:40the only, Chris Barker.
01:46And by my side, as always, a man who dresses like a butler, acts like a butler, and mostly
01:53undertakes the work of a butler.
01:55It's Paul Williams.
01:56Wow.
01:57What a smoke show, look at you tonight.
02:05You see, Paul Williams couldn't be here.
02:07I'm his great-grandfather.
02:09I've time-travelled forward from 1920.
02:13And I'm filling in for him this evening, you see?
02:17What do you reckon?
02:18It's so hot.
02:19Ten out of ten.
02:20Oh, yeah.
02:21Like a sexy paedophile.
02:28Is that the first time those two words have been put together?
02:30Yeah, probably.
02:32Yeah, it's good to see you made an effort, unlike Tom here.
02:35Have some decorum.
02:36I've been wearing a suit this entire season, right, and then I get told to wear my best
02:40tonight, so I'm like, well, I'll check on my houseabouts.
02:44Let's get to it, Paul.
02:45What prize task do we ask our contestants to bring in today?
02:49Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that will still be here
02:54in a million years.
02:58Tom, what long-lasting thing have you brought in?
03:02OK, so for my prize, I have brought honey.
03:07Honey never goes off.
03:08So it's going to be here in a million years, and you'll be like, hello, I'll eat honey.
03:14I'm being you as a cyborg.
03:15I will enjoy this honey.
03:18My mechanical receptors are going crazy for this honey.
03:24Jeremy, as a cyborg, be any different?
03:31That's always a good question, actually.
03:34Abby?
03:35I had another thing planned.
03:37Then I had a dream where a voice told me the perfect thing to bring in for this task is
03:45elegance.
03:47As represented by a top hat and monocle in this picture, but the answer, Jeremy, it's
03:58elegance.
04:01This came to you in a dream?
04:02Yes.
04:03Do you think we'll remain elegant when the world's on fire and we're all at war together
04:07and there's no more food?
04:09Elegance is timeless.
04:12Timeless elegance.
04:14It's elegance, Jeremy.
04:16As represented by a top hat and a monocle?
04:18Oh, baby, it's elegance.
04:22It's the answer.
04:23I don't think I'll ever want to hear that word ever again.
04:28Ben?
04:29Jeremy, my thing that's going to be here in a million years is obvious to every person
04:34from Aotearoa, New Zealand, and I think you'll all agree it is the right Honourable Winston Peters.
04:44Now, I did ask him to be on the show and he declined.
04:51So I sent this email to him.
04:54Dear Sir, I hope this email finds you well.
04:57It probably will because you are immortal.
05:00Please reply to the following information under the Official Information Act.
05:04What is your secret to everlasting life?
05:08And what are your plans for the 1 million 2026 election?
05:12I'm supposed to receive that within 20 working days of me sending it, which was this morning.
05:18Did you write it in an italics, Ben?
05:24I did.
05:25Do you know why?
05:27Elegance.
05:28Yeah, elegance, baby.
05:29It's the answer.
05:30Hayley, what did you bring in that's going to be around in a million years?
05:34Jeremy, this is where I would like to admit that I have lived a life of privilege and,
05:39you know, I have loved every minute of it.
05:43So the thing that I have, without a doubt, utter faith, will still be here in a million
05:48years is my family batch.
05:51It's that one just on the cliff there, and there is no doubt in my mind, Jeremy, that
05:57in a million years this beautiful waterfront property will still be here for tonight's
06:02winner to enjoy.
06:05I'm assuming you want to lose this task.
06:08Why would I want that?
06:09It's such a fantastic batch in a prime location and totally insurable.
06:15Chris, what did you bring in for Te Whinga?
06:18Well, this thing, you know, I'll have like a big night out and then I'll see that it's
06:24still there, and then sometimes like weeks will go on and it's still there, years will
06:30go on and it's still there.
06:32And so I brought in loose glitter.
06:40I mean, me and Abbie both have glitter on our eyelids tonight and we will until we die,
06:44I guess now.
06:45That glitter's from my house.
06:46Yeah, I know.
06:47Got ya.
06:48A little bit.
06:49OK.
06:50By the looks of it, Hayley's batch is going to be around for, I'm going to give it, 15
06:54years and that's gone.
06:56So one point for Hayley.
06:58Winston Peters will last for another 120 years, but I think the email will go.
07:02So two points for Ben.
07:03Elegance will last as long as humans are here.
07:07And so I think three points for you, Abbie.
07:08And I think Tom's honey will last probably the next amount of time, so that's four points
07:13for Tom.
07:14I think the glitter will last forever.
07:15You and our glitter.
07:16We all agree that it was a luxury forever.
07:21Should we get a season score update?
07:23It might be our tightest season yet.
07:25With a one point lead on 150, it's Hayley Sproul.
07:32OK, Paul, I'm ready for the first proper task of the last episode of the season.
07:37Of course, Jeremy.
07:38Here it is.
07:39Knock, knock.
07:40Who's there?
07:41Yoo-hoo.
07:42I'm Lee-Mai.
07:43Hello, Abbie.
07:44Mate, you're like bringing me into this little caravan, eh?
07:47Yeah.
07:48Isa!
07:49There's a phone there.
08:05Yeah.
08:06Text the stranger and guess their age.
08:10You cannot use numbers in your questions.
08:13And they cannot use numbers in their answers.
08:16You may not use the internet.
08:17You have one guess.
08:18I have one guess.
08:20Yeah.
08:21Closest approximation to their age wins.
08:24You have 10 minutes.
08:25Your time starts now.
08:26So use this, text any stranger.
08:29The stranger.
08:30The stranger.
08:31Oh.
08:32Mm-hmm.
08:32All right, shall we get into it?
08:37Up first, it's Hayley Sproul and Tom Sainsbury.
08:41Hi, stranger.
08:42What's up?
08:46Now, if they get that reference,
08:48it's gonna put them in an age bracket for me.
08:50She's like, hey, stranger, what's up?
08:53Hey, okay, multiple Ys and a lowercase.
08:55I'm thinking Gen Z.
08:56Hi, sweetheart.
08:58Did you grow up with records, cassettes, CDs, or Spotify?
09:01Hi, sweetheart.
09:03That's pretty presumptive.
09:04I grew up with most of them.
09:06Okay, what you doing?
09:08Nothing much.
09:09Just sitting, texting.
09:12Oh, they're abbreviating, though.
09:14Oh, now I'm thinking boomer.
09:15This feels like my mom when she texts.
09:17Do you know who Hilary Duff is?
09:19Do I know who Hilary Duff is?
09:21Duh, yes.
09:22Bit of attitude.
09:23Do you love Taylor Swift?
09:25Hell no.
09:27Okay, me neither.
09:30She's lame, lol.
09:31Duh, yes, they know who Hilary Duff is.
09:33I'm thinking they're in their 30s.
09:34I'm gonna say, what are you wearing in a non-sexy way?
09:38I am wearing...
09:41Baggy jeans, now I think it's Gen Alpha, it's a millennial.
09:44I'll say, do you like skinny jeans?
09:46Do you like skinny jeans?
09:47I miss them.
09:49God, no, I say, joke's so lame.
09:52Joke's so lame.
09:53This person seems old.
09:56Who was Prime Minister when you were at high school?
10:00I wasn't interested.
10:01I have no idea.
10:02I was more interested in other stuff.
10:04Who is the cutest celeb?
10:08Probably, I'm not sure this person might know this person.
10:12Probably Central Phi.
10:14I think that's meant to be Central C.
10:16Do you know who they are?
10:16I do.
10:17What do they look like?
10:18Quite hot.
10:20I'm gonna say, I like Jason Momoa.
10:21I like Jason Mimosa.
10:24I just said, I like Jason Mimosa, far out.
10:26I got it.
10:28Do you like mimosas?
10:29They might be underage.
10:30This will get me an age limiter, 18 or under.
10:33Yes.
10:34Yes.
10:36Can you legally drink mimosas?
10:38No, they can't.
10:39Naughty, naughty.
10:42Were you born after?
10:45Titanic was on at the movies.
10:48They said no.
10:52Can you legally drink next year?
10:53I feel like she's slowly getting there.
10:56Got you, I've got you stranger.
10:58Okay, dot, dot, dot, it's coming.
11:02What'd they say?
11:06I just really felt a connection with this girl.
11:12So Hayley, my two favourite quotes were you saying,
11:16I just really felt a connection with this girl.
11:19And then her saying, this person seems old.
11:22Yeah.
11:24Yeah.
11:27Tom, I felt like you were at an instant disadvantage
11:29because the woman you had on the other line
11:31seemed to really hate you from the start.
11:34The feeling is completely mutual.
11:37The feeling is completely mutual.
11:45You were slightly stitched up
11:47by having the only 58-year-old who would respond,
11:50duh, to do you know Hilary Duff?
11:55She's a sassy Karen, I like it.
11:56She certainly was.
11:57So where do we get to in the end?
11:59So Tom guessed 34.
12:00Yeah.
12:01And she was 58.
12:02Whoa.
12:03So 24 years off.
12:04Hayley guessed 17.
12:06And she was 17.
12:08Wow.
12:09Okay.
12:11Bang on.
12:12Okay.
12:13Well, that's it for the first part of the show,
12:15but here's a task for you at home.
12:17Buy one of every product you're about to be advertised
12:21and try to keep New Zealand TV alive
12:23for just a little bit longer.
12:25We'll see you after this.
12:35Welcome to my home and welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:38What were we doing, Paul?
12:38I'm getting old and losing my memory.
12:40That's okay, Jeremy.
12:41I will be here as your body declines.
12:45Our comedians were each texting a different stranger
12:48and trying to guess their age.
12:50So far, we've seen Hayley and Tom.
12:53Now it's time for Abbie Howells, aged 33,
12:56and Ben Hurley, aged 40 to 50, according to his agent.
13:00It's Abbie and Ben.
13:02Nice day for a dance.
13:07Nice day for a dance.
13:09What do you like to listen to?
13:14Uptown funk.
13:15Ooh.
13:16What that is is an extremely generic song
13:20that pretty much everybody likes.
13:22Do you have a phone?
13:24Do you have a phone?
13:26Do you have a phone?
13:28Do you have a phone?
13:30And if so, what make is it?
13:34Do you have a phone?
13:35And if so, what make is it?
13:37They have a Samsung.
13:38Okay.
13:39Okay, I think they're maybe older.
13:41Do you remember the war?
13:44Yeah, I do remember the war.
13:45I was born before the war.
13:46Which war?
13:50The Falklands?
13:51Oh, no, actually, I'm gonna go with Iraq.
13:53It says, is the new Samsung phone,
13:55and then it says Iraq,
13:57and then no after that,
13:57I don't understand what's going on here.
13:59Do you remember when the Mars rover went to Mars?
14:03No.
14:04Just no?
14:05Yeah.
14:06What age would that suggest?
14:08Maybe younger?
14:09What's your favorite movie?
14:10What's your favorite movie?
14:11I'm just trying to think.
14:13Checks me back.
14:19This is like dating in my 20s again,
14:21where I'm really keeping the conversation going.
14:24Can we just put anything on here?
14:26Their favorite movie is Braveheart.
14:28Okay, they're older.
14:31Are you at school?
14:33I don't feel like that's an appropriate question
14:35to ask anyone.
14:36Are you at school?
14:38Yes, so they've gotta be 14.
14:42Who is your celebrity crush?
14:46Monroe?
14:47Okay, Marilyn.
14:49Okay, that makes me think they're even older
14:51than I thought.
14:5314.
14:5457 years old.
14:57Thank you, Ben.
14:58This is a person who's a little older, I reckon.
15:03Oh, he's so cute.
15:04He's so cute.
15:08It was very hot in there,
15:09I don't know if you could tell.
15:11Yeah, it was a sweaty video, wasn't it?
15:13It flustered.
15:14It flustered.
15:15Abby, he did seem like he was taking a while
15:18to text back.
15:19Yeah, he was.
15:20It was pretty stressful.
15:21It kind of felt like being back in the dating scene again,
15:23like, oh.
15:25And he seemed ambivalent on me.
15:27He seemed to think I was weird.
15:34Okay, so Paul, how did everything go?
15:36Abby guessed 57.
15:38He was 78.
15:4021 years off.
15:41He easily sent the fewest texts.
15:45Ben's guess, 14.
15:48He was nine.
15:50So five years off.
15:51All right, we've got one comedian left, Paul.
15:54That's right, Jeremy.
15:55It's time for Chris Parker to try to defend this.
15:58Oh, no.
16:00Hello, stranger.
16:02How old are you?
16:05Old enough.
16:06Well, it's a special event
16:11that happened the year you were born.
16:15Tupac died.
16:17You know what?
16:17I don't even know when Tupac died.
16:20Did he even die?
16:22How many years did Tupac die?
16:23Don't you know when Tupac died, you dumbass?
16:31Oh, I'm a dumbass now.
16:33Where do you live?
16:35You're going to see Tupac when I find you there.
16:39Let's see who's a dumbass now.
16:45Come find me then, you bitch.
16:48Who was the captain of the Opecs when you were?
16:52No idea.
16:53No idea, old man.
16:55Oh, I'm an old man now.
16:56I say, why do you tick so slow?
16:59Are your fingers too big for the keyboard?
17:01Ask your mum.
17:02Ask your mum.
17:06You want a scrap, eh?
17:07Yes, please.
17:09Yes, I'm in the caravan.
17:11He's going to kill me.
17:17Can you see?
17:18I don't see him.
17:21What does that mean?
17:22It's Tonga.
17:23Like, come docks, come scrape.
17:30I'll tell you what, Chris,
17:31that one really took a turn, didn't it?
17:33I'm just surprised Bubba texted back.
17:35Yeah.
17:36I'm really pleased that we didn't pair
17:38Tofinga up with any of the children.
17:41So, Tofinga guessed 27.
17:44Yeah.
17:45Bubba guessed 27.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Bubba is 27.
17:49Wow.
17:50Yay!
17:51Oh, goodness.
17:52OK.
17:53That means one point for Tom,
17:54two points for Abbie, who was 21 years off,
17:57five years off, three points for Ben.
18:00Tofinga, the correct age,
18:02and Hayley, the correct age,
18:04five points each?
18:05Yeah, absolutely.
18:06Five points each.
18:07Well done.
18:09Well done.
18:11Now seems like a really, really good time
18:13to have an episode score.
18:16Out in first,
18:17with a perfect 10 points,
18:19it's Tofinga.
18:24Is there another task for us, Bob?
18:25I hope you brought your passport, Jeremy,
18:27because this time we're going international.
18:41Knock, knock.
18:42Permission to come aboard?
18:44Permission granted.
18:45OK.
18:46Oh, far out.
18:51Invent a new country.
18:53You must create a detailed and informative tourism video.
18:56Promoting your country.
18:58Best new country wins.
19:00Got 45 minutes.
19:02Starting now.
19:04Oh, here it is here.
19:06What do I want out of a country?
19:08Stone fruits?
19:09Did she say stone fruits?
19:11It's like paradise.
19:12Fresh fruit,
19:13because my country's going to be tropical.
19:15OK.
19:16We need really good cuisine,
19:18based mostly around bananas.
19:21Like a country that's just continental.
19:24For some reason I'm thinking about continental chocolates.
19:27Notable people.
19:28Jean-Pierre.
19:29Yeah.
19:30Paul Williams.
19:31Can you be in the video?
19:33If you want.
19:34Continentalia.
19:35The name is based on continental chocolates.
19:37Yeah.
19:38Discontinued, I think.
19:39Do they not make them anymore?
19:40OK, let's go.
19:44Abbey, to be honest,
19:45when the main thing that you were focused on
19:47with your country was stone fruit,
19:49I thought, well, that's pretty odd.
19:50But then Hayley picked it up straight away,
19:52and she was into the fruit as well.
19:53Yeah, bananas.
19:54Could you imagine, like,
19:55walking along and being like,
19:57a nectarine?
20:01I can, actually.
20:02I've done that quite a few times.
20:04Abbey, what's the most elegant fruit?
20:08A plum.
20:10Surely it's a ladyfinger.
20:13Yeah, a banana.
20:14Yeah.
20:15Banana looks like a penis.
20:19I'm just not feeling what the problem is there.
20:21Sorry.
20:22You've got some.
20:23A penis is not the most elegant genital...
20:29OK, are we done?
20:30Yeah.
20:33Back to you.
20:34I've packed my bags and I'm ready to go, Paul.
20:36Which fictional country are we heading to first?
20:38Our first stop,
20:39it's Polenga with Tofenga.
20:42Soramokapachi,
20:43from the beautiful island of Polenga.
20:45I want to tell you about the most beautiful place
20:48in the world.
20:49And when you greet people,
20:50you say, Soramokapachi,
20:52which means, hi, how are ya?
20:54Let's hopefully hook up,
20:55and then after that,
20:56we can chill and watch some rugby league.
20:59Soramokapachi.
21:00Now, here on Polenga,
21:01we have a population of 500 million people.
21:05On a small island,
21:08it's summer all year round.
21:10That's right,
21:11beautiful tan,
21:12nice chocolate brown.
21:14Yeah!
21:15The Polengan people,
21:16they are called harararararabanda.
21:22What are you filming?
21:24You're dancing, isn't it?
21:25What?
21:26You harabanda dance.
21:34And what's even better
21:35is when they dance and sing
21:37at the same time.
21:39It's really incredible
21:40you come to the country
21:41so you can see us dance
21:42and sing at the same time.
21:44So why won't you visit
21:45Polenga,
21:46the most beautiful island
21:47in the world?
21:58500 million people
21:59on a tiny island.
22:02Paradise.
22:04Yeah, so
22:05that would make it
22:06the...
22:07Third.
22:08Third most populous place
22:09in the world.
22:10Yes.
22:11China, India,
22:12Polenga,
22:13United States of America.
22:15That dance is good.
22:16Yes.
22:17Couldn't do that dance
22:18again for us, could you?
22:19Please.
22:20Come on.
22:28Wow.
22:29It originates
22:30because you have to
22:31kick everyone out of the way.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Okay, I'd love
22:34to see some more countries
22:35and I will
22:36after these ads.
22:51Nomai Anu,
22:52welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:53Who's next, Paul?
22:55She likes to live her life
22:56in a precious way.
22:58Showcasing precious land,
22:59it's Abbey Howells.
23:02Hello,
23:03my name is Abbey Howells
23:04and I am the
23:05ambassador for
23:06precious land.
23:07Garden of Eden,
23:08look out.
23:09We have an
23:10abundance of
23:11stone fruit.
23:12Juicy and delicious.
23:13We have an
23:14active volcano.
23:15It took out
23:16our whole financial
23:17district and has
23:18contributed to
23:19many of our
23:20financial woes.
23:21I'm coming at you
23:22live from the toilet
23:23because that's
23:24where our economy
23:25is right now.
23:26Our head friend
23:27gave away all of
23:28our oil for
23:29some magic beans.
23:31This is Jean Pierre,
23:32one of our
23:33nation's top exports
23:34and look how
23:35sad he is
23:36because of all
23:37the poverty.
23:38Something must
23:39be done.
23:40The people of
23:41precious land
23:42need you
23:43and we need
23:44your money.
23:45So please donate
23:46now.
23:47Please.
23:48Our economy
23:49is in ruins.
23:55Abbey,
23:56would you say
23:57that that's
23:58a tourism video
23:59or more of a
24:00plea for help?
24:01Yeah,
24:02I mean,
24:03precious land
24:04has healing spray
24:05and it has
24:06palm fruit
24:07but it also
24:08has to have
24:09some realistic
24:10stuff and
24:11I guess poverty
24:12and then I got
24:13really focused
24:14on the poverty
24:15and that's
24:16what happened
24:17but who say
24:18a country needs
24:19to be rich
24:20to be great?
24:21Look at
24:22Monaco.
24:23What are
24:24they doing?
24:25Paul,
24:26I'm ready
24:27for another
24:28ad please.
24:29We've seen
24:30Paulinga
24:31Welcome
24:32to paradise
24:33where
24:34Paul Williams
24:35is king.
24:39Paulandia
24:40has so many
24:41beautiful tourist
24:42attractions
24:43like the lake.
24:45Paulandia
24:46has so many
24:47fun activities
24:48like looking
24:49at the lake.
24:51Paulandia
24:52where the
24:53peoples are
24:54blue-eyed
24:55and musically
24:56gifted.
24:58And the national
24:59flower
25:00is flower
25:02and the national
25:03bird is
25:04a hat wearing
25:05duck.
25:07And now
25:08we will sing
25:09the Paulandia
25:10national anthem.
25:12Hit it!
25:15Quackity Quack
25:17Quack all day
25:19Quack quack quack
25:22Quaaaaaaaaaaaack
25:25So,
25:26two words
25:27So come to Paulandia, come to paradise!
25:40Okay Tom, how do you feel about that national anthem?
25:44Because I've just written down here, not good.
25:48I should have done the English version of it.
25:51I was doing the national language, which obviously you can't interpret.
25:54It's a full, rich, encouraging, you know,
25:56Paulandia, like there's a whole thing to it.
25:58What's the translation?
25:59Oh yeah, do it for us now, that'd be great.
26:00Yeah, okay, great.
26:02Paulandia is great, Paulandia is fair.
26:06I love Paulandia, we all love Paulandia.
26:10We are here for Paulandia!
26:16Okay.
26:18You're right.
26:20In the translated version, the melody changes as well.
26:22Yeah.
26:23Right, okay.
26:24Okay, we've got another one.
26:26Here with the next stop on our big OE, Majoraland,
26:30it's Hayley Sproul.
26:34Bananas, oh hello, and welcome from Majoraland,
26:38here in the sexies.
26:39I am Queen Menorah, and this is my country,
26:43where everything is sexy, and there is champagne on tap.
26:46Thank you slave.
26:47Let me show you around.
26:51First things first, you might be thinking,
26:53Queen Menorah, why so many bananas?
26:55That's because everything in Majoraland
26:57resembles my favorite thing, bananas.
27:02Kill her!
27:09More bananas.
27:11Of course, you are also thinking,
27:12Queen Menorah, you're so beautiful.
27:14Well, everybody in Majoraland beautiful,
27:16and if you're born with ugly dog face,
27:18we fix for free.
27:21He is on waiting list.
27:25And finally, everybody in Majoraland polyamory,
27:28and bisexual, where is banana Monday,
27:31or taco Tuesday?
27:35So, if you want to live a life that is drunk,
27:38beautiful, and bisexual, come to Majoraland.
27:42Well, I want female slave today.
27:45Where is female slave?
27:47It's taco Tuesday.
27:57I think good use of the accent there.
27:59Not too cancelable.
28:01No.
28:02Where is it from?
28:03A little bit Romania, a little bit South America.
28:06I think it was Balania Trump.
28:08Yeah, it was.
28:09In so many ways.
28:12Yeah, Majoraland is a really beautiful, sexy place.
28:16A beautiful, sexy place where slavery is still legal.
28:20Only for those who have not yet fixed their faces.
28:24Okay, we've got one country left to visit, Paul.
28:27Where is it?
28:28Life is like a box of chocolates.
28:30You never know what you're going to get,
28:32except in this instance when I tell you
28:34that you're going to get Ben Hurley talking to you
28:36about a country made of chocolate.
28:39Hello and wow.
28:41Welcome to Continentalia.
28:43We are an entire continent country land
28:46and I am the Prime Minister, Wally Winker.
28:49We are based on those chocolates that your parents like
28:53and some people think we've been discontinued.
28:55Not true, Paul. Not true.
28:57Let's take a look.
28:59We have the Hazelnut Mountains.
29:01You'd have to be nuts to climb these.
29:05The Great Dessert Desert.
29:07There's no water, but there is delicious milk chocolate.
29:12The Milk Swirl Geyser.
29:16And the ancient Praline Pyramids.
29:19Legend has it, nobody actually knows what praline is.
29:24And the best part is, there are no dangers in Continentalia.
29:28Except diabetes.
29:30Continentalia.
29:32Yum.
29:37APPLAUSE
29:41Wow.
29:42Wally Winker, can you do that walk for us?
29:44That was special.
29:46Ooh!
29:48Oh, wow.
29:50Wally Winker.
29:52You know what?
29:53It was either me or Timothee Chalamet for that rock.
29:56So what happens if you're allergic to chocolate
29:59in this particular country?
30:01You go to Fannyland or whatever.
30:03LAUGHTER
30:05I suppose I've got to think,
30:07where's the place that I would most want to go?
30:10You know, that's the only way to judge it.
30:12Abbie's country, I would never want to go to that country.
30:15That's one point for Abbie.
30:17I would also not like to go to Ben's country.
30:22He'll get two points.
30:24I'm going to go three points for Tom.
30:27Four points for Tofinga.
30:30And five points for Hayley.
30:32He loves the fanny!
30:34APPLAUSE
30:36Well, good to see the Taskmaster is pro-slavery.
30:39LAUGHTER
30:41No, he's just pro-fanny, man.
30:43LAUGHTER
30:45Slave to the fanny.
30:47LAUGHTER
30:51OK, that's it for part three.
30:53We'll give you a few moments to book your tickets to Polandia
30:56to see the rare-headed duck and stare at a lake.
30:59We'll see you after this.
31:00Well done.
31:02APPLAUSE
31:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
31:16And to our viewers from Polinga, salomo kaputxi.
31:20It's our final episode of the season.
31:22The scoreboard is looking tight,
31:24and I believe, Paul Williams, we have just one filmed task to go.
31:28I can only do Jeremy,
31:30and I could not think of a better way to wrap things up.
31:42Hi, Paul.
31:44Hello, Abby. Hello, Tofinga.
31:46Hello, Paul.
31:48What have you got here?
31:50Food pyramid, updated from the one that we used to get.
31:53OK, why is there a microphone there?
31:55Testing, testing.
31:57What's your favourite one of those groups?
31:59They don't have, like, sugar on here.
32:01If you don't do drugs, it's, like, the next best thing.
32:04Here we go.
32:06Pick a food group.
32:08I'm going to go vegetables.
32:10Greens.
32:11Dairy.
32:12All right, I'm just going to go meat.
32:14Fruit.
32:16Ooh!
32:18LAUGHTER
32:21Write and perform a rap.
32:23Advocating for why your food group is the best.
32:26Which wins?
32:27You have 30 minutes.
32:29Your time starts now.
32:31Do you start with yo, yo, yo?
32:33Would you like to hear the music?
32:35Yes. OK.
32:37Yo.
32:39I'm going to start with yo.
32:41Nice.
32:43Yeah.
32:45Beef.
32:47Queef.
32:49Probably not that.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:54OK, bringing the house down already.
32:56We haven't even started, though.
32:58What's your favourite vegetable? Potato.
33:00Do you know I don't really like potatoes?
33:02Not even as fries.
33:04You want a pineapple?
33:06Come, be my guest.
33:08Dim where my berry's at.
33:10What if I exclusively use the C word
33:12so you can't broadcast anything that I say?
33:16Just be like, beep, beep, beep, milk.
33:20I'm going to do it.
33:22APPLAUSE
33:25All right, Paul, assuming these raps are actually broadcastable,
33:29whose verse are we going to hear first?
33:31Here they are all at once.
33:33MUSIC PLAYS
33:37Ay, yo, yo, it's your girl.
33:41About to spin some fables about veggie tables.
33:45Ay, yo, veggies, veggies, get them on your plates.
33:48Serve them to your farm, no, serve them to your mates.
33:51Mash them, boil them, stick them in a pan.
33:54Carrot, garlic, broccoli and capsicum.
33:57And a cauliflower eggplant, I'll feed them all.
34:00But not a fan of potatoes, I'm like Paul.
34:03Spinach leaves, snap peas, onions and leeks.
34:06I'm a father-loving, carriage-munching vegetable freak.
34:09Come on, all you birdies, don't get sturdy.
34:12Whether you a spinny bee or whether you a Kirby.
34:15Come on, all you birdies, don't get sturdy.
34:18Whether you a spinny bee or whether you a Kirby.
34:21Yeah, that's right, if you're a delicious animal,
34:24you might want to put your hooves over your ears.
34:27If you like cheese, spinach or bean,
34:30I'm coming at you with a brand-new protein.
34:33There's nothing quite like a nice bit of beef.
34:36It sticks around in your colon and your teeth.
34:39That's crabby, bologna, corned beef and spam.
34:42But if you like it fresh, then you're probably trying lamb.
34:45In medieval times, the lord of a castle
34:48would get folks around to do some sausage.
34:51I like meat so much that in my spare time,
34:55I'd take a kebab sausage, hot sausage.
34:57Not always the kind of meat I'm picking.
35:00I'm feeling healthy, I'd probably try some steamed chicken.
35:03So take the fruit, veg, out of your dish you're making
35:06and listen to the wisdom and rhymes of Beef Bacon.
35:10The MC4.
35:12And the Oversize.
35:14This is their grains, they are the best.
35:17Let me tell you why they're better than the rest.
35:20Raw meat, they may taste like no-doubts,
35:23but everyone knows too much will give you some gout.
35:26If you like grains, then you have made it.
35:29Vegetables, fruits and dairy are overrated.
35:33Tent, wheat, oats, rice, corn, barley,
35:37rye, millet.
35:39Grains are the best, they are better than the rest.
35:42Grains are the best, frickin' better than the rest.
35:45Yeah, boy.
35:47That's the shit, man.
35:49Grains are the best, frickin' better than the rest.
35:51Food, you ass, is easy to digest.
35:54Want a pineapple? Come be my guest.
35:57Blackgrass, goose, poison, and blue.
36:00Where my berries at? Yeah, they're my crew.
36:03Bananas.
36:05Bananas.
36:07Bananas.
36:09Bananas.
36:11Where my berries at?
36:13Bananas.
36:15Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
36:18This song goes all out.
36:24This is poo won't go.
36:26This goes out to all the cows.
36:30Dairy.
36:33Dairy.
36:35Dairy, delicious cheese.
36:39Delicious.
36:41Cottage cheese.
36:44Cream.
36:47Cottage cheese.
36:50Sour cream.
36:52Cream, delicious.
36:54Dairy.
37:00Very good.
37:02Really good.
37:04Very, very good.
37:06Although, I have to say, the last image of Taskmaster Season 5
37:10will be Abbey Howells underneath the desk saying,
37:13cottage cheese, f***.
37:20Nobody deserves to get one.
37:23OK. No.
37:25I think, look, the fact that I didn't hear,
37:27there were probably four words that I heard of Abbey's
37:29means that it's hard to rate you highly.
37:32So, unfortunately, I'm going to have to give Abbey two.
37:34I'm going to go...
37:36Oh, not Abbey.
37:41I'm going to go Tom three, good flow,
37:43but got a little bit focused on bananas there towards the end.
37:47Really?
37:49I liked Toffinger because I liked a socially conscious rapper.
37:53Yeah.
37:54So, three points there.
37:56Four points for Ben Hurley.
37:58And I think five points for Hayley.
38:00She was very good.
38:02H.J. Sprizzle.
38:04It's H.J. Sprizzle.
38:06That's right.
38:07OK.
38:08Time for a quick break.
38:10And when we return, we'll find out which comedian
38:12will be the official champion of Taskmaster Season 5.
38:16Don't miss it.
38:17We'll see you soon.
38:27CHEERING
38:30Kia ora anō.
38:31Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster.
38:34There's still one more task to complete,
38:37but before we get to that, Paul,
38:39can we have a scoreboard update, please?
38:42Leading the pack by the slimmest of margins,
38:45it's Toffinger for Pulea'i.
38:47OK, everyone, please head up to the stage
38:50for the final task of the season.
38:53CHEERING
38:56MUSIC
38:59All right, Paul, who's reading out the final task?
39:02Abbie Howells.
39:03Congrats, Abbie.
39:05Huge for me.
39:06LAUGHTER
39:08One by one, place an item on the table.
39:12On your turn, you will have 10 seconds to place an item.
39:16Once you have touched an item, that is the item you must place.
39:21If placing causes any item to fall, you will be eliminated.
39:25Last person standing wins.
39:29On my whistle.
39:30WHISTLE BLOWS
39:31MUSIC
39:34Let's go.
39:39Oh.
39:47Oh, Chris Parker, well done.
39:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:56Oh.
40:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:07Right. Yep, yep.
40:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:19Three seconds.
40:20Yes.
40:23Four seconds.
40:28WHISTLE BLOWS
40:29Wow.
40:38Hayley is eliminated. The umbrella fell.
40:41The umbrella can be re-stacked.
40:45Oh, no.
40:48Yes, yes.
40:51No, no.
40:54Three seconds.
40:57WHISTLE BLOWS
41:00Oh, my God.
41:02WHISTLE BLOWS
41:08Oh, yes.
41:11Come on, Hills.
41:12WHISTLE BLOWS
41:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:29Oh, no!
41:32Oh, shit!
41:35Oh, Hayley.
41:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:49Three seconds.
41:52WHISTLE BLOWS
41:55So close. So close.
41:59Five seconds.
42:01Lovely.
42:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:10Come on, Hills.
42:13Three seconds.
42:15Come on, you've got it, Abs. You've got it, Abs.
42:17WHISTLE BLOWS
42:18Oh!
42:22The winner of the live task is Tom Sainsbury.
42:26Good stuff, guys.
42:28All right, come on down.
42:30We'll add up the scores and find out the winner of the episode in Season 5.
42:38All right, what a game that was.
42:40So, one point for Hayley, two points for Ben,
42:43three points for Tofinga, four points for Abbie,
42:46and five points for the winner of the live task, Tom Sainsbury.
42:49Yes, Tom!
42:50I know, eh?
42:51Well done, Tommy.
42:52So, where does that leave us for the episode, Paul?
42:55That means the winner of Episode 10, with 20 points,
42:59represented by Chris Parker, it's Tofinga!
43:02Congratulations, Chris Parker!
43:04On behalf of Tofinga Whipoliyahi,
43:07please go up and enjoy your long-lasting items
43:10for an appropriate length of time
43:12before coming back down for the prize that really matters.
43:15Once again, Chris Parker, ladies and gentlemen, Tofinga!
43:29All right, this is it, the moment of truth.
43:31It's time to announce the winner of Season 5,
43:34and what a season it has been.
43:37From incredibly accurate tennis ball throws
43:40to incredibly inaccurate biopics,
43:43from New Year's resolutions to goal-scoring French revolutions,
43:46we have seen it all.
43:48And it's all led us to this, Paul.
43:51Would you please read out the winner of Taskmaster Season 5?
43:55In fifth place, with 147 points, Abbie Howells.
44:01In fourth place, with 156 points, it's Tofinga Whipoliyahi.
44:09In one point in front of him, with 157 points,
44:13in third place, it's Tom Sainsbury.
44:20In second place, with 160 points, it's Ben Hurley.
44:31The winner of Taskmaster New Zealand Season 5,
44:36with 166 points, it's Hayley Sproul!
44:46Well done.
44:51Please join me in offering a huge congratulations
44:54to the winner of the season, Hayley Sproul!
44:57Thank you so much for joining us.
44:59Look out for yourselves. We'll see you again soon.
45:02Good night, Aotearoa.