Taskmaster NZ S05E02 (2024)
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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woohoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle a little, see!
00:09Oh!
00:10Oh!
00:11Oh!
00:12Oh!
00:13Oh!
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00:15Oh!
00:16Oh!
00:17Oh!
00:18Oh!
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00:24Oh!
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00:26Oh!
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00:28Oh!
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00:35Oko-koka 4, and welcome!
00:38To the second episode of Season 5 of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:42My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare
00:473 under the pseudonym Deathlord69, here in this room I am known by the far more threatening
00:54title of The Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight, five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks
01:04in a desperate bid to get their hands on this.
01:09A beautiful golden trophy made to look exactly like the head of late 90s television icon Newsboy.
01:16Competing for this trophy, and what remains of their dignity, we have
01:21Abbie Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayes Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, representing Te Whingathepulea'i here in the studio,
01:37she's a winner of life and a loser of Taskmaster, Madeline Sami.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question,
01:48how did you combine Siri and Alexa and turn them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams!
01:59Alright, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always, we begin with a prize task.
02:03We've asked each contestant to bring in the secret to their success.
02:09Okay, some very successful people up on stage here. Let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure. The secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J Fox, The Secret to My Success.
02:27I actually still have this. I taped this off TV, probably somewhere in the early 90s on a repeat.
02:33So it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:37Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:39I've actually brought in my mother, in the 90s specifically.
02:43Just a moment for the haircut.
02:46But I'm not going to give you my mother because I still need her quite a bit.
02:50I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practice my scales every day on the piano.
02:56I think we have a little clip of her.
02:59Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:03Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:08You slam that piano lid one more time and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:14I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former Mother of the Nation Judy Bailey?
03:22Very similar.
03:24I don't know why but I've got a Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe when I look at her.
03:30From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:37Let's move on to Natalie.
03:40The secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:45It's what keeps me up at night, it's what wakes me up in the morning, it's the reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take it home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:58At least I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:01Every morning when I wake up at 5am and I've written out my gratitude journal and just done some meditation.
04:06I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha.
04:12Oh, okay.
04:14But it's got some special ingredients so I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got there.
04:18So we've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing and may contain traces of imposter syndrome.
04:25So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that and you're away.
04:28Very neurotic like.
04:30Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:34Gives me that beautiful kind of glow I think.
04:37Abby.
04:38Yes?
04:39What did you bring in?
04:40I brought in my autism assessment sheet.
04:47So I have it and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities.
04:53I know heaps about cool stuff like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera.
04:57And I can't tell a lie and I take everything very literally.
05:02As part of the prize, does the autism come with or just the confirmation?
05:07You wish.
05:09I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, aye.
05:12Oh my gosh, honestly.
05:14Or you started it.
05:15I know.
05:16Once you get into it.
05:17It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh?
05:19That's a bit of a fallacy.
05:21Yes, a lot of rich people died.
05:22A lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh, boo.
05:25Yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation.
05:32It's like you're on the boat and all the men are very gentle.
05:36Sorry.
05:37All the men are very gentlemanly.
05:39No, the men were nice.
05:40The men were good.
05:41Men are nice.
05:42They get a rough time.
05:43There were some baddies though.
05:44Billy Zane's character.
05:45Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:47Yes, that's a really funny joke but actually it's not historically accurate.
05:53Duh, Paul.
05:55Paul.
05:56Okay, should we score it?
05:58We should.
05:59Oh, one point's going to me, Madeline.
06:02No one wants that.
06:04It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:06Ben's going to get two.
06:07Two.
06:08Hayley's going to get three.
06:10Okay.
06:11Four points for Tom.
06:13For the kombucha.
06:14And Abby's going to get five points.
06:20Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, shall we all?
06:24Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:35Hi, P.W.
06:36Hi, T.S.
06:37You all right, Paul?
06:39Yes.
06:40Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:42Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:45It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:47All right.
06:49Don't push that over, please.
06:52Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:56You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.
07:00Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:05You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11Okay.
07:12I guess you're underway.
07:15So, am I allowed to say this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:20No.
07:21It's legally very different from Jenga.
07:24Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:26Yes.
07:27This is four, so it's a completely different thing.
07:29Totally.
07:30Okay.
07:31Well, who are we going to see play this brand-new game that you've invented?
07:35Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells.
07:39Okay.
07:41All right.
07:42Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.
07:47Paul, I'd like you to meet Diane.
07:50Hello, Diane.
07:51Diane's very well to do.
07:53Oh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:55Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.
08:00Block, block, you never mock.
08:03Just like a nice warm sock.
08:07Nice warm sock.
08:10Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:17I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:19She's Diane's sister.
08:21She's also quite fancy, quite racist as well.
08:24Sing a brand-new original song about removing blocks.
08:28I love to remove blocks every day.
08:31I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:35Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:38Block, block, you never mock.
08:40Just like a lovely warm sock.
08:43This is Gavin.
08:44Gavin is down and out.
08:46I've been there. I am there.
08:49The next block may only be pushed.
08:52The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:54Remove the next block with your feet.
08:57The next block you remove must be orange.
08:59Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
09:03Well done, old chap.
09:05Remove the next block while standing at least one metre away.
09:13Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:20Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:23Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:26Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.
09:34Remove the next block while standing at least two metres away.
09:37Oh, come on.
09:39Can I have the tennis balls?
09:41Imagine if this just blows out.
10:04Oh!
10:06Oh!
10:07Oh, no!
10:13Did you see that coming?
10:15Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:18The rescue one.
10:23Heads.
10:28Watch out.
10:30Blew my neck.
10:32Oh, I didn't get it out.
10:34I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:37I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:39but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:48Unreal.
10:51I think I speak for everyone here.
10:53I say that is possibly the greatest thing
10:55that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand.
10:57Yeah.
10:59See, I kind of wanted to just retire from Taskmaster at that point.
11:02Yeah.
11:03Like, leave on a high.
11:04Retire from life, man.
11:05Yeah, true.
11:06Valhalla awaits.
11:12Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names.
11:16Yeah, Paulette and Diane.
11:18You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:21One was racist.
11:22Yes.
11:23I think that's Paulette. She's quite racist.
11:25She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:28and take a photo.
11:31This is very triggering for me.
11:34Come, darling. I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling.
11:36Come into my home.
11:37I'll do anything for free food.
11:38There you go.
11:39I'm a stereotype.
11:40Abby, talk us through the creative process of writing the song
11:44I Love To Remove Blocks Every Day.
11:46I Like To Live My Life In A Precious Way.
11:50Quite a few times I would do a task
11:52and then come back and sit in my little room and think,
11:55Am I insane?
11:59And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:02So the stats.
12:03Yes.
12:04Hayley removed 18 blocks.
12:06That's good.
12:07Ben, 20 blocks.
12:08OK, that's better. That's better.
12:10Abby, 28 blocks.
12:12Oh, my goodness.
12:13She was speedy.
12:14Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:17All right, well, that is the end of part one.
12:20Join us for part two in just a moment,
12:22where we'll probably just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:25We'll see you then.
12:39Kia ora koutou, Arnold.
12:40Welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:42a show that is now witnessing a slow decline
12:45after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:49What are we doing now, Paul?
12:51Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower
12:54and following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:57We've seen Abby, Ben and Hayley,
12:59so now it's time for Tefinga and Tom to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:03Ooh! Yep.
13:10What does that mean, be your friend?
13:21Which block?
13:22That one there.
13:29The next block you remove must be green.
13:33Oh.
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38OK, next one.
13:41Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:51Remove the next block while standing...
13:54..one metre away.
13:57OK.
14:10Are you serious?!
14:19Yeah!
14:21I've stopped the clock.
14:22Are you kidding me?
14:23It was quite a strong wind,
14:25like one of the bottom blocks.
14:29You happy with that?
14:31No.
14:34Don't stab the duck.
14:35I'm not going to stab the duck.
14:38Hi, honey.
14:42Be honest, Tom.
14:43Were you going to stab that duck?
14:45Yeah, pretty much.
14:46The wind was against me.
14:48I refused to lose.
14:50How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:52Tom, three blocks.
14:55Tofinga, six blocks.
14:56OK.
14:57How many friends did you get?
14:59One.
15:01Did you?
15:02That was a big day for you.
15:03Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:04Let's just say it might not be by blood,
15:06but we are brothers.
15:12That's beautiful.
15:13OK, so how are we going to score that?
15:15That means one point for Tom,
15:17two points for Tofinga,
15:19three points for Hayley,
15:20four points for Ben,
15:21and five points for Abby.
15:25Fucking nerd.
15:27OK.
15:28So where does that leave our scores
15:30for the episode so far, Paul?
15:32Great question, Jeremy.
15:33Out in first, with a perfect ten points,
15:36it's Abby Howells.
15:40Alright, what do you reckon about
15:41showing us another task then, Paul?
15:44I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:46I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world,
15:49and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:56Ma'am?
15:57To you, sir.
15:58Knock, knock.
15:59Who's there?
16:00Orange.
16:01Orange who?
16:02Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
16:04You never said banana.
16:05Oh.
16:06Right, let's do this.
16:07Relive the best moment of your life.
16:10Most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:15You have 30 minutes.
16:16Your time...
16:17Starts...
16:18Now.
16:20Oh, man.
16:22What was the best moment of my life?
16:28So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:31Am I going to be judging the reliving part?
16:34Or are we judging the best moment?
16:36Who had the best moment?
16:37Best reliving.
16:38OK, right.
16:39Right, let's get stuck into it then.
16:41Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:44It's Hayley Sproul.
16:46Best moments of my life.
16:49Meeting your fiancé.
16:50Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
16:53Although I will say one of my best moments was meeting your fiancé.
16:57That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:00Let's do the moment I met my fiancé.
17:02OK, this is how it happened.
17:04I was sitting in a drama school meeting,
17:06and he walked in, and he's six foot six,
17:08and I went like this.
17:10And then my friend looked at me, and I was like,
17:12oh, my God, what's going on?
17:14And then I was like, oh, my God, what's going on?
17:17And then my friend looked at me and laughed,
17:19and then I turned to her, and I said, that's mine.
17:22OK.
17:24All right.
17:25Bit of a warm-up.
17:27Before my scene in King Lear.
17:29Hey.
17:30My leash.
17:31My leash.
17:33Oh.
17:34Where's my leash?
17:35That's it.
17:36That's it.
17:37Now she's found it.
17:38Where's my leash?
17:46Where's my leash?
17:48Where's my leash?
17:56Mine.
17:58Mine.
17:59I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette with me
18:02out on the smoker's steps.
18:04I will.
18:07OK.
18:09That's a big boy.
18:11That's a big boy.
18:15Wow.
18:19So, Hayley, you went from hating women who say
18:22that their greatest moment was meeting their fiancé
18:25to actually re-enacting it with Paul.
18:27Well, I felt terrible for saying it,
18:29because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:31And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiancé as well.
18:33I was like, well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.
18:37I didn't get why you were dressed like an apprentice witch.
18:42Because it's drama school.
18:44Where did you study drama, Hogwarts?
18:47Honestly, not that dissimilar.
18:50So, who have we got next, Paul?
18:52Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
18:55It's Abbey Howells.
18:58That was the best moment of my life.
19:01I know what it is.
19:02It was when I played the lion in my high school production
19:06of The Wizard of Oz.
19:09I came out at the end and I got, like, the biggest tear.
19:12And my mum actually told me afterwards
19:14that I needed to tone it down a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:19The other cast members might watch this
19:21and they might think that you got bigger tears.
19:23It was the lion show, baby. Everybody knew it.
19:26Okay.
19:27Okay, let's do it.
19:30Lion! Lion! Lion!
19:34Lion! Lion! Lion!
19:55More lion! More lion!
19:58Did someone say more lion?
20:09Lion! Lion! Lion!
20:16Good job, Abbey.
20:18If that was a true reflection of what actually happened,
20:20I totally see what your mother was saying.
20:23I've never seen someone so happy with themselves in all my life.
20:27That's what my mum said.
20:30Did you do the voice, like in the movie?
20:32100% I did the voice.
20:33Can we get a little taste of it?
20:36Put him up! Put him up!
20:38Oh, good!
20:40Paul, so far, we've had two drama students hooking up
20:43and one of them getting a round of applause.
20:45Do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians
20:47who's actually had a child or something?
20:49Meeting this person was one of the top five moments of my life.
20:52It's Tofinga Fepeleai.
20:56Best moment of my life?
20:59Having my kids.
21:01Having your kids do what?
21:03Can they report?
21:05You can be my wife.
21:07OK.
21:08Use the bed upstairs.
21:10OK.
21:11To film the thing, not to mate the baby,
21:14but, you know, you giving birth to the baby.
21:17OK.
21:18OK.
21:19Aren't you excited? I'm really excited.
21:21It's our first child.
21:22I'm excited.
21:23Aren't you excited?
21:27You're doing fine.
21:29Yeah.
21:32I can see the feet. I can see the feet, yeah.
21:35Oh!
21:37Wow!
21:39He looks like his mum.
21:41OK.
21:42What do you think we should name her?
21:46I'm not sure.
21:49She's beautiful.
21:52Two.
21:53If you can make it quick.
21:54OK.
21:55Because there's an important rugby game.
21:57Oh, wow!
21:59Our second son.
22:01Last one should be easy peaches like that.
22:03Just one push and boom!
22:06Oh!
22:08Oh, let's come back in.
22:09Let's go again.
22:10Oh!
22:15Hey!
22:17Wow.
22:18Best incredible moment of my life.
22:26I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:28on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth
22:30after I gave birth to Angela Dravid in season one.
22:33And I'll tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:38I really enjoy the angelic way in which you screamed the pain.
22:42Oh!
22:44Very interesting interpretation
22:46of how a woman gives birth to a child.
22:48Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth.
22:50Right.
22:51And I was very young.
22:55I was split seconds old.
22:57I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life,
23:01which is throwing to an ad break during Taskmaster
23:03for the 47th time.
23:05Here we go.
23:06It's time for the ads.
23:19Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:22For the break, we were watching comedians re-enact
23:24the best moments of their lives,
23:26and it turns out they haven't done much.
23:28Who have you got next for me, Paul?
23:31Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
23:34It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:37It's the best moment of my life.
23:39Do you know what it was?
23:41What?
23:42I don't know if we can do this legally.
23:43Can we re-enact Little Ship of Horrors?
23:45We could probably do, like, a...
23:47Version of it.
23:48Were you in the play?
23:49No, I was watching it.
23:50Oh, you watched the play.
23:51I watched it as an eight-year-old,
23:53and it stuttered me on my...
23:55It fired off everything in my brain.
23:57OK.
23:58OK, let's do this.
24:00Where did you come from, strange little plant?
24:04Please get bigger for me
24:14Please get bigger for me
24:26Please, Paul Moore, give me plasma!
24:34It's so funny.
24:36I'm a Venus flytrap from deep in the galaxy!
24:42I want you inside me, Paul Moore!
24:45I want you inside me!
24:55Small boutique terror!
25:00Woo-hoo!
25:07Wow, this theatre thing is amazing, Papa.
25:10I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime.
25:22I would like to say, for legal reasons,
25:24that was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:26It was not.
25:27Little Shop of Horrors.
25:28It was, what was it called?
25:29Small boutique of terrors.
25:30That's right.
25:33I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Me too.
25:36For Onehunga High School.
25:37It was pretty cool.
25:38Same, Harbour High School?
25:39Yeah.
25:40I was the dentist, but I guess in your production
25:41I'd be like the podiatrist or something.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it.
25:47Oh, we should do it, all of us.
25:49Stay tuned for tickets for our performance
25:51of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:53I absolutely can't wait for that.
25:55What was it about Little Shop of Horrors?
25:57A horror.
26:00Shop?
26:01A shop.
26:02No, the musical element to it, a play, a horror.
26:06In the play, they all get eaten by the plant,
26:08and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:12That just wonderfully excited me.
26:14Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant?
26:16Oh, good.
26:17It's self-defence.
26:22Wouldn't it be? It would be self-defence.
26:24If you got eaten by a broccoli...
26:26If I got eaten by a broccoli, I'd be like,
26:28it was worth it.
26:30Me too, me too.
26:31So we've only got one comedian left,
26:33and I know that he has two beautiful, healthy children,
26:36so I think it's safe to assume he's going to relive that.
26:41Meeting this person...
26:45I've met him.
26:48It's Ben.
26:50Like, the best moment of my life
26:52was when I knocked that Jenga thing out with a tennis ball.
27:02I mean, that was...
27:04quite something.
27:05We've got the blocks.
27:06Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09OK.
27:12Good luck, Ben Early.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block out of a tower
27:16with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:18Darn you, Paul!
27:19Why do you got to make these tasks so gosh-darn hard?
27:46That's the kind of thing I do all the time.
27:50It's unbelievably cool.
27:55There's nothing left for me here now.
27:58Good luck with all your future endeavours, earthlings.
28:05Thought so.
28:20Hi, guys.
28:21Everyone's seen what happened earlier on in the episode.
28:24Now we've seen your remembering of it,
28:26and everyone's seen the other.
28:28You think the two...
28:29Can you see how they might not?
28:31Really, in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:35Everything is seen through a lens.
28:37Wow.
28:38That was my lens.
28:39I feel like the second one was objectively worse.
28:42I agree.
28:43It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon.
28:46Yeah.
28:47You know what I mean?
28:49We need like 20 years in between, not just straight away.
28:52It almost makes the first task seem shit now.
28:55Do you know what I mean?
28:56Hey!
28:57You're right, actually.
28:58You don't even go here.
28:59Sorry, I don't even go here.
29:00I'll go.
29:01I'll go.
29:02How do you want to score it?
29:03This is going to be quite difficult.
29:05I think Ben definitely gets one point.
29:08OK.
29:09Because I just saw the original,
29:11and there's just nothing like it.
29:13It's too fresh.
29:14There's nothing there for me.
29:16I will give two points to...
29:18I thought it was a great performance,
29:19but there were three moments.
29:21I think, Hayley, three points for you.
29:23Great turnaround on what you thought was
29:25how you hated people that did things,
29:26and you became one of those people very quickly,
29:28so I appreciate that.
29:30Tom, I think, four points for The Little Shop of Horrors.
29:33And Abbey, five points.
29:36Well done, Abbey.
29:38Well done.
29:39Thank you, Hayley.
29:40It was very moving.
29:41It was very moving.
29:42Yay!
29:43I think I'm about ready for another task.
29:44You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first teen task of the season.
29:48But also, it's time for the first top-secret mission of the season.
30:02Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:04Hello, Paul.
30:06Hello, Abbey.
30:07What do I do?
30:10Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Over here, look.
30:15Oh.
30:17I got really nervous.
30:22Be the most excited to meet your teammates.
30:25They can't know about this task.
30:27One person on the other team has received this task.
30:30If you're more excited than them, your team wins.
30:33Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:36Do you understand the task?
30:37Be excited?
30:38Yeah.
30:39Woo!
30:42Quite excited.
30:43Yeah.
30:44No problem.
30:45No problem.
30:47I'm quite excitable.
30:49OK.
30:50I'm going.
30:51Thank you, Ben.
30:52Woo!
30:56Hey, Paul.
30:57Ciao, Toffinger.
30:58Hi, Paul.
30:59Ciao, Hayley.
31:00Hello.
31:04Hi.
31:05Hello.
31:06Hi.
31:08No surprise?
31:09Hi.
31:10Big fan.
31:12Big fans.
31:13Yeah.
31:14Do you have a task for me?
31:15I do.
31:16Can I have it?
31:17Not quite.
31:18Why not?
31:26This is the best.
31:27This is the best.
31:34Not too bad.
31:35No.
31:36Hi.
31:37Hello.
31:38Hi, I'm Abby.
31:39Nice to meet you.
31:40Hello.
31:41Nice to meet you.
31:42Cute outfits.
31:43Your outfits look so nice.
31:44We all went for such cute outfits.
31:46Yeah, I love it.
31:47Did I?
31:48Boo!
31:49Did we just become best friends?
31:50Yeah!
31:54Nice to meet you, Abby.
31:55Nice to meet you.
31:56She's so nice.
31:57Oh, my God.
31:58I feel a little sheepish.
31:59I know.
32:00I'm going to do break dancing.
32:01What the hell are you doing?
32:02Break dancing.
32:03I'm so happy.
32:04Pow!
32:05Do you know when you hugged me, you popped my bra strap?
32:09That's how excited we are.
32:11Yep, that.
32:12Yep, that's for real.
32:19So, before I score that, how do you think you went, Abby?
32:23I got stage fright, because I'd never met your finger before,
32:28and I was like, oh, he's going to think you're a big, silly goose
32:32if you go...
32:33It was already an awkward situation when Tom had walked in,
32:36and then by the time you arrived there,
32:38there was, like, triple awkward going on.
32:40Yeah, well, you think Captain Autism is going to make that less awkward?
32:44Yeah.
32:46What I do, baby.
32:48So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben now that you've watched that?
32:52Honestly, so betrayed.
32:57I wouldn't have done the streamer or the break dancing,
33:00but I would have done everything else, normally.
33:02It all just feels like a lie to me now, and I don't trust you anymore.
33:06That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:08How do you want to score it?
33:10She's a 1-5 trouncing.
33:12There's no other way you can do it.
33:14So, 1 for...
33:15Abby and her team.
33:17And then she's a 5 for Ben and Hayley,
33:19because that was next level from Hayley.
33:21Really, it was a lot.
33:22Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:27She was perfect this episode.
33:29Is this the first time you've talked to a woman?
33:35Second, and the first one's...
33:37Underwear fell off.
33:42So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:44No, of course.
33:45I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is.
33:48And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:50Act excited. It's another ad break.
33:52We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
34:05Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:07What's going on, Paul?
34:09We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:11which began with a secret mission to act excited.
34:15Ben acted extremely excited,
34:17and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:20Right, can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:23Si.
34:27Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:31If you break one of the three secret rules,
34:34you must step away from the tower,
34:36and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:38You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:41Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.
34:44You have 25 minutes. Your time starts now.
34:46Oh, my God, you didn't delay.
34:47I always delay before I say your time starts now
34:49so I can think about it for free.
34:51I do too, usually, but I'm just... OK, what have you done?
34:53I'm so excited it's Hayley.
34:56So, what's the idea here?
34:59We've got pasta, I heard pasta, and I heard secret rules.
35:03Yes, so the aim is to make the best and most leaning tower,
35:07but that is made harder if they break my secret rules.
35:11How do they know about the secret rules?
35:13They don't know about the secret rules.
35:15That's why they're secret. It's me.
35:17Ecco entrambe la squadre.
35:20Godere.
35:22Um...
35:23So we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:25No. If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:27Yeah. OK.
35:29Step back, please.
35:33Can we leave the lab?
35:35Oh, yeah, good idea.
35:37Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
35:39Step back, please.
35:41Oh, no.
35:43So that's one of them, you can't leave the lab.
35:45I didn't say that.
35:47What about, like, a pyramid?
35:49Step back, please.
35:51Or, like, P-words or something?
35:53The problem with pasta is it's dried, so...
35:55Step back, please.
35:57OK.
36:01Are you just gonna not talk anymore?
36:03It's not talking.
36:05We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:07Oh, God.
36:11We can't say another P-word, either.
36:13Oh, penis.
36:15Step back, please.
36:17Anything starting with that letter A?
36:19Don't say Paul again.
36:21No, it's P-words.
36:23Pyramid, Paul.
36:25Pasta, see?
36:27It's all right, we're in purgatory.
36:29Oh, for God's sake!
36:31OK, you've figured it out.
36:33Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:35Seam of what?
36:37The seam of the two...
36:39Materials.
36:41They're not gonna get us that easily, Paul.
36:43Sorry, everyone.
36:45Is there gonna be stuff on the outside now?
36:47Poe.
36:49Step back, please.
36:51Oh, Hayley.
36:53Tom, this is excellent.
36:55Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape.
36:57That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:01Not going nowhere.
37:03Step back, please.
37:07Oh, come on!
37:11I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:13You and me?
37:15It's a very deniable chemistry.
37:17I know.
37:19And afterwards, we can cook it.
37:21Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:23It's architecturally interesting, I think.
37:25Step back, please.
37:29Twelve minutes.
37:35Friend?
37:37What did we do?
37:39How did we break the rule?
37:41That guy was just being a prick.
37:43If we just put the things in...
37:51Oh!
37:53Wow!
37:55Ooh.
37:57And that's got a lane?
37:59Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:03Mm.
38:05It's...
38:09Forty seconds.
38:11Forty seconds.
38:13Stay.
38:15Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:17Sixteen seconds.
38:19I'm going to try, I'm going to try.
38:21Oh!
38:23Yes!
38:27I mean, now we're just...
38:29Just making it look pretty.
38:33Bring it on!
38:37We did it!
38:39Yeah!
38:41Can you tell us the third rule?
38:43No.
38:45He never says anything.
38:47No.
38:55OK.
38:57So am I meant to judge them before
38:59or after they're hit by that wrecking ball?
39:01Before.
39:03So the third rule was
39:05if they spoke in an Italian accent,
39:07they had to swing down and destroy the tower.
39:09Oh.
39:11So I was kind of trying to prompt them.
39:13You were.
39:15Just made you look like a psycho.
39:17No, yes.
39:19It was about the leaning tower.
39:21The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:23Yes.
39:25Yeah, and I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tafinga's one
39:27actually looked slightly like that.
39:29I mean, it looked like a giant phallus
39:31coming out of the leaning tower.
39:33Here's the...
39:35I'd like to point out that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape
39:39or any kind of aid.
39:41That was just a self-contained pasta structure.
39:43That's a rubber band.
39:47Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta.
39:49OK.
39:51I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:53and four points for Abbey, Tafinga and Tom.
39:55OK.
39:57Glue.
39:59Glue and tape.
40:01Glue and tape.
40:03That's the rules of Pasta Towers.
40:05It's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising.
40:07Buy, buy, buy.
40:09We'll see you after this.
40:11APPLAUSE
40:13MUSIC
40:19APPLAUSE
40:23Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:25It's almost time for our live task,
40:27which could decide it all, but first,
40:29Paul, how's our school board looking tonight?
40:31In first place, it's Abbey Howells
40:33on 20 points.
40:35APPLAUSE
40:37Interesting.
40:39Everyone, please make your way to the stage
40:41for the live task.
40:43APPLAUSE
40:45MUSIC
40:47OK, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
40:49Madeline Sami on behalf of Tafinga.
40:51Thank you so much.
40:53And can I just say it's a privilege to be here
40:55and...
40:57Go, Season One Taskmaster! OK, here we go.
40:59Fan out your flame.
41:01You cannot move from
41:03or move your mat.
41:05You may not throw items.
41:07If your candle falls, you are disqualified.
41:09Fastest
41:11fanned out flame
41:13wins.
41:15Contestants ready?
41:17WHISTLE BLOWS
41:19Feet back, Tom.
41:21Foot back.
41:23Hayley, foot back, please.
41:25WHISTLE BLOWS
41:27CHEERING
41:29Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:31Tom,
41:33foot on the mat, please.
41:35Come on, Mads, come on, Mads, be a friend.
41:37Come on, Mads.
41:39Foot back.
41:41CHEERING
41:43CHEERING
41:45CHEERING
41:47CHEERING
41:49LAUGHTER
41:51Are we
41:53going to battle out for one point?
41:55Oh, no, yeah, I will.
41:57You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy.
41:59It's nerd versus jock.
42:01LAUGHTER
42:05Oh, my gosh.
42:07Go on!
42:09LAUGHTER
42:11She's practising sorcery.
42:13LAUGHTER
42:15Yeah, this is...
42:17LAUGHTER
42:19LAUGHTER
42:21LAUGHTER
42:23You're flaming, you're inflaming it.
42:25You're adding oxygen.
42:27CHEERING
42:29CHEERING
42:31APPLAUSE
42:33Abby, would you like to blow out your flame?
42:35LAUGHTER
42:37LAUGHTER
42:39CHEERING
42:41APPLAUSE
42:43Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores.
42:45APPLAUSE
42:47CHEERING
42:49APPLAUSE
42:51CHEERING
42:53CHEERING
42:55So, based on that live task,
42:57Abby gets one point,
42:59Ben gets two, Tom gets three,
43:01four for Hayley,
43:03and the winner of the live task with five points,
43:05representing Tofinga, was Madeline Sami.
43:07CHEERING
43:09Well done.
43:11Great use of the jacket.
43:15OK, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:17Madeline got one point,
43:19second place was Hayley,
43:21first place is Abby Howells.
43:23Congratulations, Abby.
43:25You're now the proud owner
43:27of five success-inducing secrets.
43:29Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:31So close.
43:33Well done, Abby.
43:35Thank you for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:37We've learned how important it is
43:39to really make something of your life
43:41so that your single greatest achievement
43:43isn't watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors
43:45chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:47But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner of
43:51Taskmaster Season 5, Episode 2
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:55CHEERING
43:57I've been Jeremy Wells.
43:59We'll see you next time. Goodnight. Ka kite anō.
44:01CHEERING
44:03MUSIC
44:05CHEERING
44:07MUSIC
44:09CHEERING
44:11MUSIC
44:13APPLAUSE
44:15APPLAUSE
44:17OK, Paul,
44:19shall we get down to business?
44:21LAUGHTER
44:23That's five points from me.
44:25LAUGHTER
44:27Yes! You're under arrest!
44:29He can't help with being alpha.
44:31LAUGHTER