Frasier Season 3 Episode 24 You Can Go Home A Gain
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health.
00:07Happy anniversary!
00:09Oh, Ross, Ross! Oh, this is so much fun, Ross! I got you one too!
00:12Oh, thank you, Frasier! Okay, you first.
00:14Okay.
00:17I mean, it's nothing really. It's not expensive or anything. You probably won't even like it.
00:21I'm not good at gifts.
00:22Don't oversell it, Ross.
00:27It's a tape.
00:31The Dr. Frasier Crane Show.
00:36Show number one. May 21st, 1993.
00:41It's our first broadcast.
00:43Oh, Ross, I can't wait to listen to it!
00:47Did you ever think I'd stay on the air this long?
00:50Oh, hell no.
00:55To Ross, who believed in me from the start.
00:58Yes, from Hallmark's irony section.
01:07Oh, Frasier, they're beautiful earrings!
01:11Thank you! Thank you!
01:13You deserve them.
01:14Working side by side for three years, one can't help but become close friends.
01:18And they're blue, to match your lips when they're cold.
01:29Oh, Mum, it's not that I don't want to come home. I'd love a visit.
01:35It's just that I can't. He won't let me.
01:39Oh, you have no idea what Dr. Crane is like. He's an absolute beast.
01:45Unpleasant to be around. A real tyrant.
01:52It's just me, Mum. I'm trying to get out of a visit home.
01:56Oh, I understand.
01:58Oh, no, I'm not exaggerating. He treats me like a bloody slave.
02:04Daphne, where's my dressing gown?
02:11Not to mention how cheap he is.
02:13That better not be a long-distance call!
02:17Yes, yeah, he does sound a lot like Aunt Lillian.
02:22I've got to run, Mum. Love you, bye.
02:25I'm sorry. You must think I'm a terrible daughter.
02:28No, not at all. I think you're a terrible liar, Daphne.
02:31A perfectly run-of-the-mill daughter.
02:35It's just that I only get one vacation a year, and I want to go somewhere fun like Acapulco.
02:41That makes sense.
02:42Going home is just so flippin' boring.
02:46It's always the same.
02:48There's a wonderful reunion at the airport, and we share all our news on the way home in the car.
02:55And by the time I've dropped off my suitcase, we've exhausted all conversation.
03:00That's when I realise I've got a whole week with nothing to look forward to
03:06but Dad telling the story of how he once shared a cigar with Winston Churchill during the blackouts.
03:13He thinks.
03:16Well, that sounds like an easy decision, Daphne. Hasta luego.
03:22Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families yet so hard to like them?
03:30Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that makes life so rich.
03:35And psychiatrists richer.
03:38Yeah, well, maybe I'll just go call a travel agent, see which guilt trip is more expensive.
03:52Good afternoon, Seattle.
03:55My name is Dr. Frasier Crane.
04:00Good afternoon, Seattle.
04:03My name is Dr. Frasier Crane.
04:07If you can feel, I can heal.
04:12Fasten your seatbelt, Eddie. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
04:30Okay.
05:00Hello. You're on the air with Dr. Frasier Crane.
05:25Put your head in my hands.
05:30Hello?
05:36Hello?
05:42Me, me, me, me.
05:46Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
05:53Little Owlette in the Glen, I'm ashamed of you.
05:56You are ungrammatical in speaking as you do.
05:59should say to whom to whom not to who to who your little friend miss Katie did
06:03maybe Green's is true but you never heard her say who the hell are you
06:09I'm lost oil your new producer Bruce and Dr. Crane yes yes but where's Dave
06:15he got another assignment I was comfortable with Dave look dr. Crane I
06:21know you've been thrown a curve but everything's gonna be fine I did a mock
06:25show with David did mark callings mark commercials mark mark news bulletin I
06:30got a bulletin for you Dave's out I'm in and stop saying mark
06:36mr. I'm sure you're quite capable but Dave has 15 years of experience I really
06:43prefer that he do it well that would make two of us wouldn't it I really
06:49think I should call management and and ask for Dave it's not really fair to
06:53Dave water me dr. Crane they've dumped you
07:09we were here until 2 a.m. this morning as I explained to Dave in meticulous
07:14detail my philosophy of optimal mental health it's a mystery all right
07:22okay look I'm gonna screen a few calls before there will be no call screening
07:29you see I want my show to be fresh and spontaneous and call screening squelches
07:32all of that and the mystery of Dave's departure deepens okay you're on in five
07:39seconds I'll give you a cue
07:52good afternoon Seattle my name is dr. Fraser Crane if you can feel I can heal
08:12let's use online one hello this is dr. Fraser Crane you're on the couch no I'm
08:27not I meant on the metaphorical couch I'm in a beanbag chair okay moving on
08:38then how can I help you it's about my husband look I just can't do this it's
08:47really too embarrassing for me please please dear friend you must I'm really
08:52here to help you please go ahead
09:08well you know often in these cases it helps if you restate your problem but
09:22this time try boiling it down to one succinct sentence now how would you do
09:28that my husband is dead well perhaps we should go back to the wordy version
09:40right back after these important messages of course I can do a gardening
09:49show if I can grow plants in my dorm room closet I must know a thing or two
09:54about horticulture are you trying to get transferred look dr. Crane I gotta
10:04be honest with you here I it's just that I I think psychiatry is just sort of
10:12kind of bull don't be offended don't be offended why should I be offended in the
10:22last week I've uprooted myself from my home of 15 years moved all the way
10:26across the country away from everything I care about and plunged myself into a
10:30frightening new career the first few nerve-wracking moments I walk in here
10:34and find my producer lobbying to get herself transferred to another show Abe
10:39Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office
11:03okay you got to make the card get to the point and then for God's sake so should
11:09you Julie noted number 24 you know what you're starting to glaze we can go to the
11:21rest of this tomorrow see you Frazier bye rise excuse me well excuse you
11:31Oh Frazier what a serendipitous event how did you discover my favorite coffee bar
11:41well the radio station right across the street I did my first show today yes you
11:47did didn't you well good to see you have a nice day aren't you going to join me oh
11:59well I would but I have a routine I come in every day order coffee and spend some
12:07quality time with myself you understand I've seen you once in the last two years
12:14oh that is your point oh well very well in the spirit of blood being thicker than water
12:25why don't we yes
12:39I remember your fourth birthday party grandmother took us to the park ride the carousel and all
12:47those little children wait while you wiped off your painted pony I was wearing Bermuda shorts
12:55and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat oh oh thanks again for dinner the other night
13:11you two seem very happy oh yes love like the Arctic puffin we've mated for life
13:21honestly I can't imagine even looking at another woman excuse me sir be finished with that sugar
13:41you ready to order yes double decaf nonfat latte medium foam dusted with just the faintest
13:50whisper of cinnamon I'll have a black coffee you'll have to forgive my brother he just came
14:00in on the noon stage I hope I never see the day when I am so frightfully pretentious that a good
14:10old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me so how'd your visit with dad go I haven't been
14:26to see him yet really you've been in town a whole week well I've been very busy what with settling
14:34into the new apartment unpacking Frazier you're obviously making excuses I'm going over tonight
14:38for my weekly visit why don't you come along geez I know I should not but I'm really in such a
14:45vulnerable state right now the last thing I need is the Seattle's raining sourpuss taking potshots
14:50at me is that what you're worried about yes you have been out of touch our father's a changed man
14:59ever since he was shot he softened the whole new zest for life Niles I visited him in the hospital
15:07he made his roommate cry and the man was in a coma dad was still in shock the change came after
15:15psychiatrist surely you've seen this a patient has a brush with death rediscovers his love of life
15:21laughs we've had when I'm over there I sometimes wonder if that bullet didn't crease his funny
15:29bone thank you believe in competence of that man I very clearly asked for a whisper of cinnamon
15:42he's given me a full-throated shot there are countries in this world where they would lop
15:48off his sprinkling hand you know I've forgotten what a weird little person you are dad is going
16:08to be positively giddy when he sees that he's got the both of us tonight who is it Niles and
16:17a special guest does he come up with those look dad it's Frazier I can see that that pumpkin shit
16:34not my eyeball he sees the humor and everything Frazier come on in so big game now I don't lose
16:56it again it's just a bomb he's a bomb he's an absolute hobo in that right skipper Niles are
17:09you drunk don't be ridiculous seeing the three of us back together again in the same room who needs
17:18alcohol for that I do I do I'll get your beer thanks you filthy liar you said he'd changed well
17:34it got you here didn't it I've been dealing with him all by myself ever since mom died now it's
17:40your turn so welcome home prodigal son you guys want some pork rinds and that's as close as you're
17:49going to get to a fatted calf oh will you stop staring at me there you go ah well I understand
18:03completely Frazier dad Frazier was just saying that he'd like to spend some quality time with
18:08you alone so I'm just going to slip out all right oh you haven't met Eddie Eddie Frazier is the first
18:22born the torch has been passed so how's your flight I actually I drove
18:52take the I-90 80 should have taken 90 it would have got your hair faster darn
19:09so dad did you did you listen to my my show today no I missed it sorry that's all right how'd it go
19:26well kind of rocky spent a good part of the day pausing over proper signature line to use to
19:37introduce myself I'm sure he'll come up with something well you know I'm looking for something
19:41that's familiar but not a cliche no so it's memorable but not too gimmicky yeah it doesn't
19:49really matter it's got something to do dad please I'm talking about conversation it's
19:55hard with the television on well I just want to get the score okay what I'm trying to describe
20:01you my dilemma with this phrase all right fine I'm listening are you happy I'm listening that's
20:08it I'm listening that's fabulous yeah have you got a pencil somewhere there's one in the kitchen
20:13on the table I'm listening yeah oh I love that look I had to cut this short but I told some guys
20:24I'd meet him down at Duke's you're leaving yeah whenever you're ready I'll walk you out yeah I
20:32haven't seen you in two years I stopped by and you're you're leaving in ten minutes oh why don't
20:38we stop kidding ourselves you don't really want to be here and we don't really have anything to
20:44talk about at least I'm making the effort oh yeah it's an effort to talk to me huh well I guess
20:53that's why you only bother coming home once a year at Christmas oh no wait sorry I take that
20:58back last year you went to Arugula wherever the hell that is yeah you know you're painting an
21:07awfully bleak picture here ever since I moved to Boston I've come home at least three or four
21:11times a year just lately things got a little hectic and I've been able to come home as often
21:17yeah I noticed how busy you got after your mother died
21:28but what the hell I didn't go visit you in Boston either did I so why don't we just drop this
21:35no the point is that we're here now together I don't want this night to end before we've at
21:51least tried to have one real conversation we at least try now you just sit down with me for a
21:59while and let's try please
22:29so you know I I'd forgotten how much it really does rain here get used to it makes things green
22:55yeah where would the old earth be without rain
23:25my darling would have thought that old fascination would wear off by now
23:40well hello there hey all right guys Frazier dad tells me you've been on the air three years
23:55today so we'd like to take you up for a celebratory dinner well thank you dad how did
24:00you know why I heard that woman who called it you listen to my show well I saw it I fell asleep
24:11during the Mariners game and when I woke up you were on and you didn't turn me off I did not I
24:20listen in for ten minutes before I finally dozed off again faint praise and yet it's
24:28thunders in my ears I promise myself that tonight I've decide what I'm doing on my
24:40vacation either home to the family or to sunny Acapulco I may just squeeze into my bikini and
24:47let my hips make the decision of course it would be more memorable if we celebrated at home
24:59hold the elevator for me all right Daphne I was just thinking about you know our discussion
25:12early this afternoon and I've decided to give you an extra week off that way you can go to
25:19Manchester and Acapulco that's so sweet you really must think I should go home well I just realized
25:32that being part of a family is really worth the effort and very often the effort means you'll
25:45need a week in Acapulco sir thank you dr. crane you know maybe if I try a little harder it won't
26:02be that bad well it's a good way of thinking you know things things can get better still
26:20would you mind leaving those brochures of Acapulco out for me
26:32hey baby I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs quite stylish and
26:42maybe I seem a bit confused well maybe but I got you pegged but I don't know what to do with those
26:53tossed salads and scrambled eggs they're calling again Frazier has left the building