Frasier Season 2 Episode 12 Roz In The Doghou Se
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00:00Um, you see Dr. Crane is this man I'd like to go out with, but he's 40 years old and he's never been married.
00:10Do you think that means something?
00:13Well, it could mean he has a fear of commitment, or it could mean he's just been lucky.
00:22Marie, that was a joke.
00:25Did I mention I'm calling from a payphone?
00:29All right, Marie. I would say give him a shot, but I'd keep that caution bulb lit.
00:37Thank you for your call, Marie.
00:39What was next, Ross?
00:41If you ask me, it's divorce people you have to watch out for.
00:44If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper.
00:48Whereas your divorcee will bite into any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.
00:54The preceding was an unbiased opinion from my never-been-married producer, Ross,
01:00who incidentally has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana.
01:09May we take another call, please?
01:11We could, but it's time for a station break.
01:14Oh. Oh, well, then we'll be right back after this.
01:19Ross, didn't we just take a break?
01:21The lot was full this morning. I had to park in a meter. I'll be right back.
01:24Oh, all right. Fine. Just hurry.
01:26Do I have headphone hair?
01:28Well, I may have to flirt my way out of a parking ticket.
01:30Oh, just go.
01:31Okay. Okay.
01:32Wow!
01:36Are you all right?
01:37I got the wind knocked out of me, but I guess I'm okay.
01:40Ow. Ow. My ankle.
01:43Here, Ross. Does this hurt?
01:45Does this hurt?
01:48There's no nerve damage, at least.
01:50I still want to have an X-ray.
01:52Oh, Frasier, Frasier, the show.
01:54No, that's all right, Ross. I'll get someone to fill in for you.
01:56No, I mean right now. You've got dead air.
02:02Take this shoe off.
02:06Oh, dear.
02:07What is it?
02:08I see it's been a while since our last pedicure.
02:16Who is it?
02:17It's Frasier.
02:18It's open.
02:21Hi, Ross.
02:22How are things at the emergency room?
02:24Frustrating.
02:26You know how it is.
02:28You're sitting there in complete agony,
02:30and every crybaby with a gunshot wound
02:32walts us right in ahead of you.
02:36How was it after I left?
02:38It's okay. We're here.
02:39We're here.
02:40We're here.
02:41We're here.
02:42We're here.
02:43How was it after I left?
02:44It's okay.
02:45Weird Bruce from engineering took over for you.
02:48It's quite a boot collection.
02:50Wouldn't it be easier just to put notches in your bedpost?
02:55Those are mine.
02:58You hate the way I've decorated, don't you?
03:00No, no.
03:02Matter of fact, I admire your courage.
03:08Is that for me?
03:10Oh, yes.
03:11Freud said that there are only two things we need to make us happy.
03:14Work and love.
03:16Oh, thanks, Frasier.
03:20Say, you brought me work.
03:24Well, I thought answering some of the fan mail
03:26that had been piling up would give you something to do.
03:28And remember, this time, death threats don't get photos.
03:32Yeah.
03:35Who is it?
03:37It's Bulldog.
03:38Shh. Pretend we're not here.
03:41Roz, you just said, who is it?
03:48Hey, Doc.
03:49Hey, Don.
03:50Hey, Roz.
03:52Wow.
03:53The whole place is a bedroom.
03:59What are you doing here?
04:00Well, I kind of feel responsible for you being on the disabled list,
04:03so I brought you some deli.
04:05Nothing says I'm sorry like fatty meat.
04:11You got your pastrami.
04:13Coleslaw.
04:15Okay, where's the french fries?
04:17I ordered french fries.
04:19This stinks!
04:20This is totally ass!
04:22Hey, Bramboya's gonna...
04:23Oh, here they are.
04:28I think he does it all without steroids.
04:33You want me to stick these in the oven?
04:34Actually, I'm not really very hungry.
04:36Ah.
04:37And I guess you're not thirsty, either.
04:39Glasses are on the top shelf.
04:42None for me, Bulldog. I'm off to the opera.
04:44You can't leave.
04:46Hey, no ice cubes!
04:48Just chip whatever you can off the edge of the freezer.
04:53If you leave me, he'll hit on me.
04:55Roz, with a sprained ankle?
04:57You know what it's like in the jungle?
04:58They always go after the sick in the lane.
05:03Roz, I'd like to stay, but I'm meeting people at the opera.
05:06I've got the tickets.
05:08Here we go.
05:10I'll get you more ice in a minute,
05:12when the feeling in my forehead comes back.
05:16Well, curtain going up.
05:18Listen, Roz, if you need anything,
05:20feel free to call me absolutely any time.
05:22Well, except for the next three hours, of course.
05:25I'm at the opera.
05:26Oh, no, no, four hours. It's foggier.
05:30Oh, then I've got a late supper,
05:32and then right to bed, I've got an early squash game.
05:35Tell you what.
05:36Let's just say call me absolutely any time
05:38after four tomorrow afternoon.
05:43Hey.
05:46This is nice, you and me having a drink together.
05:50Yeah, it's been fun.
05:52Bye.
05:55How come you only painted two toenails?
05:58Because it hurts too much when I reach.
06:00Oh, you want me to finish them for you?
06:02Oh, no, please, it's okay.
06:05Nice color. Goes with the bruise.
06:07Bulldog, I mean it. Stop it.
06:10Hey, you got nice feet.
06:13Really?
06:14You don't think they're too big?
06:16You kidding?
06:17I could get this whole thing in my mouth easy.
06:29You know, it's really nice of you to do all this for me.
06:33It's kind of surreal, but nice.
06:36Well, I figure if I'm nice to you,
06:39maybe you'll be nice to me.
06:41I knew it! I knew it!
06:44You come over here acting all sympathetic,
06:46but you're still the same old horny,
06:48low-class slimeball you've always been.
06:51Hey, before you say something that ends up offending me,
06:57look, all I wanted to ask you is if
07:00you'd be interested in producing my show.
07:03What?
07:05Yeah, I'm not real crazy about the guy I got now,
07:07and let's face it, you're the best producer there is.
07:10You really think I'm the best?
07:12Hey, that goes without saying.
07:14Well, Fraser goes without saying it every day.
07:18Well, you don't have to answer right now.
07:20Just take your time and think about it.
07:23But I gotta warn you,
07:25when I set my mind on something, I get it.
07:28I once wanted to interview George Foreman.
07:31He said no, but I got him.
07:34I had to paint his toenails four times, but I got him.
07:42You've been wrapping your bandage too tight.
07:45You've got to keep the blood flowing to the injured ligaments.
07:49Daphne, that feels great.
07:52Whatever Fraser's paying you, it's not enough.
07:55Actually, I've made a raise to get me to not enough.
08:01Hey, Roz.
08:02Hey, Martin. What's going on?
08:04Oh, Roz bought me some new shoes.
08:08Oh, yes, look.
08:10They have tassels.
08:14Aren't they exquisite?
08:16Those shoes were individually handmade by an artisan
08:20toiling in a hilltop village above Florence.
08:23The man is a hero there.
08:27It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes.
08:30They ring the cathedral bell and the whole town celebrates.
08:36There's a town that needs a bowling alley.
08:42Evening. Oh, hello.
08:44Hey, Fraser.
08:45Oh, Roz. Roz, did you hear the show today?
08:48I was at the top of my form.
08:50I did a brilliant job of cutting a narcissist down to size.
08:56Oh, thank you, Niles.
08:58So, oh, Dad, new shoes?
09:01Do I hear cathedral bells?
09:07Ring-a-ding-ding.
09:11Oh, Roz, I also wanted to apologize for leaving you last night.
09:15I hope you didn't spend the whole evening fending off Bulldog's advances.
09:19Oh, no, Bulldog's not so bad.
09:22Actually, we had a good time.
09:24Oh?
09:28What, oh?
09:30Well, I couldn't help noticing he came into work this morning
09:34wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday.
09:38Oh?
09:41What's going on?
09:43Roz slept with Bulldog last night.
09:46I did not.
09:48How could you think that?
09:50Well, I mean, dropping by, bringing a little gift.
09:54It was obvious he was after something.
09:56Well, that's not fair.
09:58Dr. Crane is always dropping by and bringing me little gifts,
10:01and he's not after anything.
10:16I did not sleep with Bulldog.
10:19He didn't even hit on me.
10:21He did want something, though.
10:23He wanted me to leave you and come be his new producer.
10:26Oh, well, I wonder why he said that.
10:35Because he really wants me.
10:37Yes, well, I think that goes without saying.
10:41For his show.
10:44For his show.
10:46Oh, Roz, Bulldog knows the blunt approach won't work with you,
10:49so he's being more subtle.
10:51But his ultimate goal remains to, well, to...
10:54To what?
10:56To play Aeneas for your Dido.
11:05Sorry you had to hear that, Daphne.
11:09Oh, that's all right.
11:11As usual, I'm the foggiest idea what you're talking about.
11:17You know, this is so insulting.
11:20You think Bulldog wants me to come work for him
11:23because he wants to get me into his bed.
11:25Does it even occur to you that he thinks I'm a good producer?
11:28Roz, don't you think you're being just a tad naive?
11:31I'll tell you what naive is.
11:33Naive is someone who thinks he can stand there and talk to me like that
11:36without getting a crutch up his butt.
11:39Roz, I can see how he's manipulating you.
11:41I'm an expert in human behavior.
11:43Oh, really? Excuse me.
11:45I've heard your expert advice.
11:48The only mental disorder you've ever cured is insomnia.
11:56Well, I'm surprised you had time to listen.
11:59What with being so busy with your ultra-demanding producer tasks,
12:03answering phones and pushing buttons,
12:05I got a cockatoo with a strong beak to do what you do.
12:12Then hire one, because I'm taking the job with Bulldog.
12:16That's it. I am out of here.
12:29Take a picture, because I'm out of your life.
12:35You have seen the last of me!
12:40Sayonara!
12:44Oh, damn my purse.
12:53Well, Bruce, I see we are loaded with callers here.
12:57What line is next?
12:59What's your favorite number?
13:02Three.
13:08Damn it.
13:12What's your other favorite number?
13:15Just let me handle this.
13:18Hello, you're on the line with Fraser Crane.
13:21I'm listening.
13:23Hi, it's Dr. Crane.
13:25My name is Francesca and I'm calling about my boyfriend.
13:29Well, he says he loves me,
13:31but I just can't get over this fear
13:33that I'm going to come home one day
13:35and he's not going to be there.
13:37I don't know, it probably stems from my childhood
13:41when my father left us.
13:43Oh, Francesca,
13:45you are suffering from a fear of abandonment,
13:48but trust me, I'm here for you.
13:50Thank you, Dr. Crane.
13:52I'm always so afraid that people I count on
13:55will just disappear and I'll be left with...
14:00...
14:06Sorry.
14:12Francesca, please,
14:14we had a little technical glitch there,
14:16but we were almost out of time.
14:18Anyway, please, if you'll call in tomorrow,
14:20I'll make sure you're the first order of business.
14:22Please call.
14:24Well, we're just about wrapped up here, folks.
14:27I'll see you tomorrow, Seattle.
14:40Good show, Dr. Crane.
14:44You think so, Bruce?
14:46Yeah.
14:48Well, call me old-fashioned,
14:50but when my show starts out with a screeching noise
14:52that could shatter crystal,
14:53then moves on to an open mic
14:55while I'm eating a bag of potato chips,
14:57then disconnects to manic depressives
14:59and a woman with a fear of abandonment,
15:01I don't think it's a show we should be mailing off
15:03to the Smithsonian.
15:06Don't worry, man.
15:08You'll do better tomorrow.
15:14Okay, it's gonna be a great show, Roz.
15:16I can feel it.
15:17Yeah, I'm psyched.
15:18You've got about a minute to showtime.
15:21Hello, Roz.
15:22Hello, Frasier.
15:24Hey, Doc.
15:25Long week, no see.
15:27Hope you haven't been avoiding me
15:28because I stole your check.
15:30Oh, no.
15:31Bruce and I are getting along splendidly.
15:33Yeah, I heard Bruce.
15:34What happened?
15:35The cockatoo want too much money?
15:41Bye, Roz.
15:43So long, Frasier.
15:45Oh, a moment, Frasier, please.
15:48I'm sure word has reached your ear already
15:51about the Frutti di Mare party I'm throwing
15:54to celebrate our fair city's great bounty from the sea.
15:57Yes, yes, I'd love to come.
15:58Well, aye, there's the rub.
16:00You see, I've already invited Roz.
16:03With this rift between you two,
16:05well, the tension in the air
16:06will be thicker than my cioppino.
16:10Don't yell.
16:11I'm sure that rift will soon be over.
16:13Before long, Bulldog will prove
16:15that all he's wanted all along
16:16was just to get his hands on Roz.
16:18Ooh, in fact, that moment may have arrived.
16:20Look, she's bending over.
16:22Turn around, Bulldog.
16:24Oh, yes.
16:25Isn't that what golfers refer to as teeing it up?
16:30Right, he moves in.
16:32And he helps pick up the paper.
16:36Oh, I'm so sorry, Frasier.
16:39I, too, entertain hopes for low comedy.
16:44Attention, sports fans.
16:47You're back in the doghouse with Bulldog Briscoe.
16:54Let's talk football.
16:55Sunday's lock.
16:56Broncos over the Raiders.
16:57Easy money, huh, Roz?
16:59Yeah, right, and men just want to cuddle.
17:02L.A. humiliated Denver last month.
17:04Hey, do I tell you how to cook and clean?
17:07Denver's do.
17:08It's a complete no-brainer.
17:10Well, then it's right up your alley.
17:17You know, I'm no sports fan,
17:19but they really are quite delicious together.
17:22Yes, well, enjoy it while you can.
17:24Bulldog can't keep his libido in check forever.
17:27Well, of course you're right,
17:28and then Roz will come crawling back to you.
17:31Yes.
17:32In the meantime, I have to find someone
17:33halfway competent to produce my show.
17:35How hard could that be?
17:37They call me Mr. Pitiful
17:41Baby, that's my name
17:45They call me Mr. Pitiful
17:48That's how I got my fame
17:52But nobody seems to understand now
17:55What makes a man feel so blue
17:59Oh, they call me Mr. Pitiful
18:02Cause I love someone just like you
18:06They call me Mr. Pitiful
18:09Yes, everybody knows now
18:13They call me Mr. Pitiful
18:16Most every place I go now
18:20But nobody seems to understand now
18:27You think you had a bad week?
18:29This morning, Maris and I woke to the sound
18:31of our gardener, Yoshi,
18:33hacking his way through our prized topiary.
18:35Well, Maris, I've never understood
18:36why you wanted your hedges to be sculpted
18:38into the shapes of animals.
18:40Well, we're both animal lovers, but
18:42Maris is unable to have pets.
18:44She...
18:49She distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally.
18:59Anyway, there was Yoshi,
19:01drunk as a lord,
19:03swinging his hedge trimmer
19:04recklessly over his head.
19:06Before we could calm him,
19:07he had transformed Maris' prized stallion
19:10into some sort of obscene goat boy.
19:21For a woman is inconsolable.
19:24Oh, thank you, Mouse.
19:26You've been a great deal of help.
19:28There are worse things than seeing
19:30one's career go down the toilet.
19:32I could have my hedges cut into unattractive shapes.
19:38It's always about you, isn't it?
19:41Well, I'm sorry,
19:43but I'm just the slightest bit panicky
19:45that I'm never going to get Roz back.
19:47She's been waiting for weeks for Bulldog
19:49to make his move,
19:50and against all natural laws, he hasn't.
19:53Come along.
19:54Oh, hello.
19:56I thought we might run into you two here.
19:58Yeah, Daphne and I have been out buying shoes.
20:01Oh, not that I don't appreciate
20:03the ones that you bought me,
20:05but I thought I'd save those for special occasions
20:09when only tassels will do.
20:12But, hey, get a load of these.
20:15They light up when I walk away.
20:20Doesn't everyone?
20:26Well, I see Mr. Congeniality here
20:28is still spreading sunshine wherever he goes.
20:31Apparently, things didn't go very well on his show today.
20:34Oh, really?
20:36Well, you know these things go in cycles.
20:38I mean, take Bulldog's show.
20:40He's just had one great show after another lately.
20:45Hmm.
20:46What could be your point, Daph?
20:48I'm having trouble reading between the lines.
20:50If you weren't so damn stubborn,
20:52you'd apologize to Roz,
20:54get her back on the show,
20:55and everybody would be happy.
20:57As usual, you're overlooking a key psychological component
21:00in this whole issue.
21:01He'd have to admit you were wrong.
21:03Exactly!
21:07I don't see what's so hard
21:09about telling Roz you were wrong.
21:11You don't understand.
21:12You see, it's not the same as Dad being wrong
21:14or you being wrong.
21:16I have a degree from Harvard.
21:17Whenever I'm wrong,
21:19the world makes a little less sense.
21:29Frankly, I don't understand why you want her back at all.
21:32She's pushy and opinionated.
21:34Naz, don't you think you're being just the slightest bit sexist?
21:37What's labeled pushy in a woman is called assertiveness in a man.
21:41Gone are the days when women were shunted aside
21:44to bat their eyelashes prettily and say nothing.
21:46I quite agree.
21:47Oh, Daphne, please, I can handle this.
21:51Well, we've certainly handled it well enough so far.
21:54If you ask me, it's time you get off your high horse,
21:57buy Roz some flowers, and beg her forgiveness.
22:00And don't be afraid to get your knees a little dusty.
22:04I'm sorry, I'm just not quite ready to swallow my pride.
22:10Next time, wake me when the show's over.
22:23All right, Wednesday, we got the NFL picks.
22:26Then, at the end of the show, we do the boner of the week.
22:29No, can't do that.
22:30This is why I hate you.
22:32You are always trying to change my tried-and-true format.
22:35Okay, why can't we do it?
22:37Because I got you an interview with Wayne Gretzky.
22:40See, Wayne...
22:42Wayne Gretzky?
22:43Mm-hmm.
22:44Wayne Gretzky!
22:45This is awesome!
22:47This is total brilliance!
22:48This is... a pinched nerve.
22:50Ah!
22:52Ah! Ah!
22:54It's an old football injury.
22:56I got my head rammed into a locker when I tried to interview Mike Ditka.
22:59Ah!
23:00Mayor, let me help you with that.
23:03Ah!
23:05This is great, I can't believe it.
23:07Wayne Gretzky, the great one.
23:11Oh, Roz, you are the great one.
23:15You are some kind of producer.
23:18Thanks.
23:19Oh.
23:20I'm having a great time.
23:21Oh.
23:22I owe you, Bulldog.
23:24I owe you big.
23:35You know, I never would have thought this a couple of weeks ago,
23:37but you and I have great chemistry together, don't we?
23:40Uh-huh.
23:41I like chemistry.
23:43I flunked it, but I like it.
23:47You got any of that, uh...
23:49wild turkey left?
23:51Yeah.
23:52Sure.
23:53Sure.
23:56You know, I gotta be honest with you, Bulldog.
23:58When we first started working together,
24:00I never thought it would turn out like this.
24:03Did you?
24:05All along.
24:13Hey, uh...
24:15Roz!
24:17You, uh...
24:18better make mine, uh...
24:20a double.
24:22I'm a double kind of guy.
24:24Nuh-uh.
24:25You're only gonna get a little.
24:27There's a lot I wanna do tonight,
24:29and I want you to keep up with me.
24:31Yeah, well, uh...
24:34All I ask is you give me a couple of 20-minute breaks.
24:43What's that?
24:44I, uh...
24:45I thought a little music might be, uh...
24:48might be nice.
24:50Can you concentrate with that on?
24:52Oh, yeah! Yeah!
24:54Actually, uh...
24:56I find, uh...
24:58the distraction helps me.
25:04Nah, second date. Don't be pushy.
25:09This is great, Roz.
25:11Us working like this.
25:14Hey, uh...
25:15did you and the doc ever end up working...
25:20What?
25:21Did you and the doc ever, uh...
25:23end up working like this?
25:24Oh, yeah.
25:25We tried it once,
25:26but he complained I talked too much.
25:28Oh, yeah?
25:29I would've figured you're for a screamer.
25:34Ah!
25:37What the hell are you doing in my bed?
25:40Get out!
25:41Get out!
25:42I asked you over here to work,
25:43you disgusting crook!
25:45Hey, hey, hey!
25:46You're gonna have to slow down!
25:48I'm getting some mixed signals here.
25:56What are you doing?
25:57Is this clear enough for you?
25:59Hey, are you crazy?
26:01My wallet's in there!
26:02Get out!
26:03Now!
26:05Get out of my way, doc.
26:14I'm listening.
26:18I'm listening.
26:27Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:29Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:33Quite stylish.
26:35And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:38Yeah, maybe.
26:39But I got you pegged
26:41Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
26:44But I don't know what to do
26:46With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:52They're calling again
26:56Scrambled eggs all over my face
26:59What is the boy to do?
27:04Thank you!