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00:00 [Music]
00:07 [Music]
00:14 [Music]
00:21 [Music]
00:28 [Music]
00:35 And the employee of the month is...
00:41 Ah, looky here.
00:49 I'm sorry folks, my breakfast burritos fixin' to say adios.
00:53 Let's say we finish this ceremony in my back office.
00:57 [Audience awws]
01:00 Our employee of the month is Hank Hill.
01:03 Congratulations Hank, that's 41 times in a row.
01:06 Uh, thank you sir.
01:09 I wish you could see the expression on my face.
01:12 Okie doke.
01:13 But you can't.
01:14 Meeting adjourned y'all.
01:16 Oh, oh, hey, one more thing Hank.
01:22 We need to hire a new accessories associate.
01:27 Well I'll put together a short list of candidates for you.
01:30 Nah, you're the quarterback of this panty raid.
01:33 You make the pick.
01:34 You want me to choose the next member of Team Strickland?
01:38 Well this is a heck of an honor Buck.
01:41 Don't let me down Hank.
01:43 You do, it'll be like spittin' in my face 41 times in a row.
01:47 [Music]
01:54 Are you married?
01:56 My wife passed away two years ago.
01:59 That's good Bobby, keep throwin' me curveballs.
02:02 Ask another one.
02:04 Well, here's one that gets at the heart of the matter.
02:07 We're all Christians here.
02:09 How about you?
02:11 Hank, you can't ask that question in an interview, it's against the law.
02:15 You can't ask about age, race, religion or sexual affiliation.
02:19 Well it's the legal equivalent of asking a woman how much she weighs.
02:23 Why don't you just hire me dad?
02:26 That's good son, keep throwin' those curveballs.
02:31 If you could eat at Lulie's with one of the following, would it be...
02:35 A. Jesus
02:38 B. Muhammad
02:40 C. Golda Meir
02:43 Uh, I don't eat at Lulie's, they use lard.
02:47 Hmm, okay.
02:50 Uh, Mr. Harrington, you seem to have a few gaps here in your work history.
02:56 Well, '33 to '45, FDR was in the White House, so I was on the welfare, you know.
03:06 And in the '60s you had Kennedy and LBJ, so I was on the welfare.
03:13 And then from '77 to '81, Jimmy Carter, so I was on the welfare.
03:20 Dale, what are you doing here?
03:25 I have killed all the bugs in Arlen. It is time for me to take on new challenges.
03:31 My resume.
03:33 Hey.
03:35 1984 to present, gribble and son's propane, Yuma, Arizona?
03:42 Dale, I've known you since we were in first grade.
03:46 You don't know me. I am unknowable.
03:50 Mario Montalvo?
03:54 My name is Maria.
03:58 Oh, my. I'm terribly sorry.
04:01 You have to understand, this job requires a certain comfort level with barbecues,
04:06 so I just assumed this was a typo.
04:09 Let me double-check. Mario?
04:12 There is no man named Mario. There is only I, a woman named Maria.
04:17 Huh. How do you like that?
04:20 As I walked through your accessories department,
04:22 I could not help noticing you feature the Wagner Char King.
04:26 You know about the King?
04:27 Dual side grills, three center racks, 35,000 BTUs of propane-powered fury.
04:34 As an accessories associate, it is my job to know.
04:38 Well, uh, your qualifications are impressive, but I do have one last puzzler.
04:45 Ms. Montalvo, you're at the Troy Aikman Fantasy Sports Camp.
04:50 It's the toughest 14 days you'll ever love, and on the bus ride home--
04:55 Excuse me. Who's Troy Aikman?
04:58 On the one hand, she booted the Aikman question.
05:04 On the other, she knew about the Char King.
05:06 When you say "she," are you talking about a woman?
05:10 Yes, Bill. Maria Montalvo.
05:13 Maria Montalvo? I worked with her in Arizona. She's no damn good.
05:20 Yeah, well, these days, you gotta be careful about working with a girl.
05:24 A woman.
05:25 Why, in the Army, you can get in big trouble for harassing a woman,
05:30 even if you're her superior officer.
05:32 Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, you go to work with a woman nowadays, man,
05:35 you gotta pull her to do like a Kathleen Willis slick, man,
05:38 a dang old Willis wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk.
05:41 Well, she's more qualified than any other applicant, but that only goes so far.
05:46 I mean, what are we gonna talk about? Our feelings?
05:51 Peggy, there's something I've gotta tell you.
05:57 I interviewed a woman today, and apparently she's very handsome.
06:04 She's also extremely well qualified and sharp as a tack, but don't worry, I'm not gonna hire her.
06:11 Why would I worry? I feel for her.
06:13 If people had been afraid to hire me because I'm pretty and smart,
06:17 I would have never gotten where I am today.
06:20 I just don't know what the rules are anymore, Peggy.
06:24 If Bob Cecil made a big sale, I could give him a pat on the back or something.
06:30 How can I do that with Maria Montalvo?
06:34 Oh, please, honey, women are nothing to be afraid of.
06:38 Just give her a hug. Just put your arms around her like this.
06:43 I don't know, Peg. What if she gets her cheek up against mine like this?
06:48 Hmm. Well, in that case, you can just start to struggle politely like this.
06:56 [Music]
07:11 Well, keep your resume on file, Ms. Montalvo.
07:16 [Music]
07:24 Hi, I came about your ad. My name's Leon Patard.
07:28 Hey, cowboys, all right.
07:30 Leon, you just answered my first six questions.
07:34 There's just one more thing I'd like to know.
07:36 What do you think of propane?
07:39 Well, sir, phew, I probably shouldn't say this because it sounds kind of crazy,
07:45 but after God, country, and family, what I love most is propane and propane paraphernalia.
07:54 Son, if that's crazy, you've just walked into a funny farm.
07:59 Welcome to the team.
08:03 Leon's perfect, Peggy. He's like Bobby without all that stuff Bobby does.
08:08 Yeah, but what about that woman you were going to hire?
08:11 You said she was the most qualified of the whole bunch.
08:14 Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I passed her over.
08:18 So you were attracted to her.
08:21 What?
08:22 Oh, you must think she's one hot tamale if you couldn't even stand to have her in the office.
08:27 Peggy, I didn't hire her. She's gone. I'll never see her again.
08:31 Uh-huh, except when you close your eyes and kiss me, right? Is that what you're saying?
08:37 [Humming]
08:44 [Music]
09:00 Leon, where have you been? You're over three hours late.
09:03 I wasn't late. I was early. I got here at... what time did we open?
09:08 Eight o'clock.
09:09 Yeah, I got here at seven and you weren't here, so I wanted to get some coffee, right?
09:14 But the waitress, uh, turns out her dog was sick, so I thought, hey, if I take her dog to the vet, she might buy some propane.
09:24 You know, from us.
09:26 So there's this line at the vet because of this farm accident.
09:30 They're trying to keep it quiet, so you might not hear about it.
09:34 But here I am with a customer's dog and I just can't leave her, so I promise I'll never come to work early again.
09:43 Well, that sure is a long story.
09:46 Yeah, that's how you know it's true. So let's sell some gas. Team Strictly rules. Woo!
09:54 [Music]
09:59 [Music]
10:02 We work as a team here at Strickland. There are 15 of us, counting you.
10:06 15, wow. What's this thing called again?
10:09 Uh, actually, I haven't told you about this grill yet, Leon. It's called the Wagner Char King and it's the crown jewel...
10:17 Yes, your Char King, I remember. It's almost lunchtime, right?
10:20 Well, it's getting close, I guess.
10:23 Great, great, great, great.
10:25 [Door opens]
10:26 [Door closes]
10:27 [Door opens]
10:29 [Door closes]
10:30 [Music]
10:35 Hey, it's the Char King.
10:38 [Music]
10:46 [Music]
10:48 [Music]
10:50 [Music]
10:54 Uh, hey, Leon, you might want to unwrap that sandwich now. Lunch has been over for about 20 minutes.
11:01 Okay, coach. Vaya con Dios.
11:05 [Laughs]
11:07 Uh, okay then.
11:09 [Laughs]
11:12 Hey, Hank, how you new? How you doing?
11:15 Oh, I just think he's gonna work out great, sir.
11:19 Yeah? Well, I could have sworn I saw him over by the truck, puking his guts out.
11:24 Well, he's pretty excited about working in propane, sir. Uh, but once he sells his first grill, those highs and lows will smooth out.
11:33 Well, I hope they do. Remember, Hank, he's wearing the name Strickland over his man-teet.
11:39 [Music]
11:45 [Phone rings]
11:46 T-Man? Oh. Strickland Propane. Taste the heat, not the meat.
11:52 Lord, no! Uh, hello? Hello? Oh, uh, hello, Ms. Shattuck. I want to sincerely apologize. Our slogan is "Taste the meat, not the heat."
12:04 I hope our error has not inconvenienced you, and, uh, uh-huh. Well, I hope in the future you'll be a customer again.
12:14 Taste the meat, not the heat. Taste the meat, not the heat. Meat, heat, meat, heat. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
12:26 Fans of Mexican soap operas know him as the evil Monsignor Martinez, but offscreen, this man of the cloth makes cloth into his own line of casual pants.
12:39 Bobby, how would you like to help me out around the shop for a few days? I can't pay you, but you can have all the snacks you want.
12:47 We've got fruit pies, pretzels, all kinds of Newtons.
12:53 You had me at fruit pies.
12:56 [Music]
12:59 Leon, this is Bobby. He's gonna be helping you out today.
13:03 Oh, that's great. That's great, because I am just bursting with ideas right now.
13:10 Okay, listen up. I got a whole new filing plan. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
13:18 Oh, God. There's more files here than there are stars in the universe.
13:25 This would go a lot faster if you helped.
13:28 I can't do this. You do it.
13:39 What's the matter, Bobby? You haven't even touched your marrow.
13:42 I have to do all the work because Dad's new employee is a drug addict.
13:46 Now, Bobby, Leon's a little slow on the draw, but that doesn't mean he's on drugs.
13:52 You gotta trust me on this. When you've heard as many former athletes lecture at your school as I have, you get to know all the signs.
14:01 Wait. You hired a drug addict instead of that beautiful Chicana?
14:06 My God, Hank, how badly did you want that woman?
14:09 Now, just hold on here. Leon's credentials are top-notch, even if they are from the non-profit sector.
14:16 Six months at Helping Hands Institute, one year at Covenant Place.
14:21 Those are detox centers.
14:23 Centers? No, look right here. Institute. Place.
14:28 Uncle Hank, you're in denial.
14:32 Yeah, Dad. You're what two tall Jones called a codependent enabler.
14:38 Well, Leon does do a lot of vomiting, even for a new employee.
14:45 Now, Mr. Stockport, with our new electronic debit system, you never even have to check your bill.
14:52 Oh, my, that does sound convenient.
14:56 Uh-huh. We take the money right out of your account.
14:59 Oh!
15:01 What in the Sam hell? Oh, no! This is your new accessories associate?
15:07 Geez, Hank, he's a drooling incompoop.
15:10 Don't worry, sir. He's as good as gone.
15:14 Well, make sure you don't disgruntle him. We don't want him showing up tomorrow morning punching the clock with a .45.
15:21 You know, Leon, maybe you don't have the tools that an accessories associate needs.
15:35 You need to find a job you can do with your tools.
15:39 I've got a ratchet set I haven't pawned yet.
15:42 Yep. Yeah, a lot of things you can do with a good ratchet set. Maybe you can work on trucks.
15:48 Wow. I don't know what to say.
15:52 Hank, as your new chief mechanic, what I'd like to do first is fire Enrique.
15:57 Leon, what I'm trying to say is you're a drug user, and there's no place for you at Strickland Propane.
16:05 As of 5 o'clock, you're fired.
16:07 Oh, no!
16:09 Here. It's a rehab center.
16:12 Son, why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off and get yourself some help?
16:17 Leon's in the parking lot, and he looks disgruntled.
16:29 I hate to die for a little bright man like that!
16:32 Oh!
16:35 [door slams]
16:37 I'm sorry I have to do this, Coach.
16:46 Hello, Mr. Hill. Anthony Page, Group Leader, One Last Chance House.
16:51 Are you aware that you hired a drug addict?
16:54 I am now. That's why I fired him.
16:57 Oh, yeah. You're in trouble, all right.
16:59 It's against the law to fire this man. He's a drug addict.
17:04 Are you sure you don't want to shoot me?
17:06 [clears throat]
17:08 Thanks for the latte, Leon.
17:13 You have to rehire this man, Mr. Hill.
17:16 Legally, drug addiction is a disability.
17:18 And now that Leon's in rehab, the law prohibits you from firing him.
17:22 Rehab? Since when?
17:24 Since 4.30 yesterday afternoon, and I wasn't officially fired till 5.
17:31 This is the Americans with Disabilities Act.
17:35 It ensures that no person, no matter how disadvantaged,
17:39 how short or obese or blind or gay or even stoned,
17:43 can be discriminated against once his healing has begun.
17:47 Yeah, well, right now, I'd kill for a big, fat, blind gay guy
17:51 if we could just get some damn work done around here.
17:54 Can't believe this.
17:56 Well, I may be stuck with you, but you're stuck with me, too.
18:00 And there's gonna be some changes around here.
18:02 You will be here at 8 sharp from now on.
18:06 Eight? Uh, Anthony?
18:09 Mm-mm. Eight's not gonna work for Leon.
18:11 He's got withdrawal therapy until 11.
18:13 But then I take my methadone,
18:15 so I should be feeling pretty good by the time I get here.
18:18 What? I'm not gonna let you come to work late,
18:21 all hopped up on goof and fall.
18:24 And he'll need to have the lights dimmed.
18:27 His pupils will be dilating pretty big by 12.30.
18:31 What kind of game are you trying to play here?
18:34 It's not a game, sir. It's the law, and we win.
18:39 Whoo!
18:41 Let's see.
18:44 Any company with 15 employees or more
18:47 must make reasonable accommodations for their disabled workers.
18:51 I can't believe I'm getting hogtied by a dope freak.
18:55 Well, of course you could have hired Maria Montalvo.
18:59 The only accommodation she would have needed from you was a slobber guard.
19:02 Now, if you can get her off your mind for two seconds,
19:06 maybe we can get some sleep.
19:08 Oh, God.
19:11 Now, please.
19:15 That's great.
19:18 I'm gonna go throw up now, Coach.
19:21 Hank, I got a bone to pick with you.
19:24 How come Jimmy Hendrix gets a futon in his workstation?
19:28 Because he's disabled, Joe Jack.
19:31 It's all there in the fine print.
19:33 Come on, you've got propane to haul.
19:35 Honey, I'm too mad to drive a truck.
19:38 It's almost like my anger is handicapping me.
19:43 Joe Jack?
19:45 Customer, Jason, can you get that?
19:52 Sorry, Hank. I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
19:56 If I get out of this chair, Garth Brooks is gonna die.
19:59 Joe Jack, can you get that customer?
20:05 Much too angry, honey.
20:08 Melinda, a little help, please?
20:10 Too bloated.
20:13 Heck, I'll do it myself.
20:15 What the hay is going on here?
20:23 Shh.
20:24 It's Leon.
20:26 Now all my employees want in on that damn Americans with Disabilities Act.
20:31 She shushed me.
20:32 Debbie's got the yuppie flu, and Hector claims he has something called priapism.
20:38 He wants a roomier workstation and a view of Debbie.
20:42 Nobody shushes me.
20:43 Hank, you cannot stand by while these greedy pigs suck the life out of Strickland Propane.
20:48 Anybody's disabled if you think hard enough.
20:51 If we catch this guy doing drugs on the job, we can fire him.
21:00 Oh, here's the deal.
21:02 Put on your fancy clothes, hop a greyhound to Dallas,
21:05 and buy every pill, pipe, powder you can fancy.
21:09 Spread the stuff around like roach traps, and we'll get that boy hooked again.
21:15 With all due respect, sir, I have a better plan.
21:19 Hello, Mr. Hill. I came as quick as I could.
21:22 From your message, it sounded as if you'd become the victim of some kind of discrimination.
21:26 That's right, Anthony.
21:28 You see, I recently came to realize that I, too, suffer from a disability.
21:33 It's called GWS, Good Worker Syndrome.
21:38 I get sick to my stomach unless everyone around me is given 110%.
21:44 The symptoms include pride, responsibility, and a feverish enthusiasm.
21:50 It used to be a common condition among Americans.
21:54 Ew. People like you, who abuse the system, ruin it for the rest of us, the truly disabled.
22:03 I'm leaving. Call me if he gives you any more trouble, Leon.
22:07 Don't call me Leon anymore. That's the name I use drugs with.
22:11 From now on, I want to be called, um...
22:16 Hank Hill.
22:17 No! No, that's too far. I cannot accommodate that. I won't.
22:22 It's not up to you, Hank. It's up to Hank.
22:26 This man is not your slave. You don't get to name him.
22:30 All right, Hank. Get yourself a bus ticket to Dallas.
22:32 I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice.
22:36 There's only room for one Hank Hill at Strickland Propane. I quit.
22:41 What? What am I gonna do now?
22:44 Whatever you want, Buck. With me gone, you're down to 14 employees.
22:48 And that makes this your business, not the government's.
22:52 Huh?
22:53 Wait.
22:55 Hot dang, Hank, you done it!
22:58 Uh, thanks, sir.
22:59 Not you. You're fired.
23:05 Now, Strickland's just small enough to skirt the law.
23:09 Y'all get back to work.
23:11 Debbie, you just lie right there.
23:16 Well, son, you pulled our wieners out of the campfire just in time.
23:22 Well, I guess I did, Buck.
23:24 Yeah, so let's get this over with, Hank. Where do you see yourself in five years?
23:29 Proudly serving as assistant manager of Strickland Propane.
23:33 Welcome back, son. You're rehired.
23:36 After a six-month probation period, you will be eligible for vacation and benefits.
23:41 Probation?
23:43 Yeah, you gotta understand my position here. Last couple of Hank Hills I had, one of 'em was a druggo.
23:48 The other quit on me.
23:50 Oh, hey. Say hi to our new accessories associate.
23:57 I am so happy to be working with you, Hank.
24:03 Uh-huh.
24:04 Peggy's in the parking lot. She looks disgruntled.
24:10 Ah!
24:26 Are we starting a recycling program?
24:29 Uh, not -- not as such, no.
24:33 It's -- well, uh, it's for, uh --
24:37 Have you ever been to the doctor and the doctor gave you a cup?
24:41 Yes, but that was to pee in.
24:44 Yeah.
24:48 You can go now.
24:49 Hank, if you don't give me another cup, the Oak Ridge boys are gonna die.