Oh, Doctor Beeching! - 108 [couchtripper][U]
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00:28Right away!
00:52Station master.
00:53Station master.
00:54Station master.
00:56Station master.
00:57Station master.
00:58Morning, Apple.
00:59Oh, morning, Jack.
01:00The postman was delivering a letter at your house.
01:02I said I'd bring it down.
01:03Oh, thanks, love.
01:04It's for May.
01:05May?
01:06Who's been writing to May?
01:07Well, it's postmarked Clumberfield.
01:09She doesn't know anybody in Clumberfield.
01:11Look, you don't know everybody she knows, do you?
01:14What do you mean by that?
01:15Who does she know in Clumberfield?
01:17All I meant was you can't...
01:18Does that look like a man's writing?
01:22It's not writing, it's typing.
01:25Well, does it look like a man's typing?
01:28Get a hold of yourself.
01:30You've got to stop being so jealous.
01:32Oh, you don't understand, Apple.
01:34When a man's got a beautiful wife,
01:36there's that many lecherous swines about,
01:38he can't help being jealous.
01:41Why don't you trust her?
01:43My late husband, Earl, he trusted me completely.
01:47Did he?
01:48Oh, yes.
01:49When he was home on leave and he had to go back to camp,
01:52he'd look at me and say,
01:53well, one thing I know for sure, Ethel,
01:55no man's going to be messing round you while my back's turned.
02:02I've got to know, Ethel.
02:04Who's been writing to May?
02:06Oh, give over.
02:08Oh, yeah.
02:12You spoil Harry Lambert, Vera.
02:14Why can't he fetch his own fried egg sandwich?
02:17Well, he can't leave his signal box now Mr Parkin's here.
02:21And anyway, well, he's on his own since his wife left him.
02:25And you know what they say,
02:27a man without a woman's like a sailboat without a carburettor.
02:33I don't know why you fancy him.
02:35I mean, he's miserable, he's tight with his money,
02:37he don't bath much, does he?
02:39What, do you see in him?
02:41Well, he only lives two doors away.
02:45Yeah, there is that, I suppose.
02:48May, there's a letter come for you.
02:50Who's it from? Who's been writing to you?
02:52Better ask Vera, she's the clairvoyant round here.
02:55How do I know who it's from till I open it, you silly devil?
02:58Give it here.
02:59Oh, Clumberfield.
03:01Excuse me, Mrs Skinner, but you won't forget about Harry's fried egg.
03:05He doesn't like them hard.
03:07My late husband was the same.
03:09He was an engine driver, you know.
03:12Oh, blow, Harry's fried egg.
03:14They want me to go for an interview for a job.
03:16A job?
03:17Manageress. Buffet. Loxley Station.
03:20Loxley? That's miles away. You'll have to change twice.
03:23Anyway, you don't need a job. You've got one here.
03:25Oh, this is only a tupny-apeny station.
03:27Beechden will probably close it anyway.
03:29This could be a career move, Jack.
03:31While you're talking, Mrs Skinner,
03:33if you could just see to Harry's egg.
03:37There you are. Thank you.
03:41I mean, this is no life for a career woman, Jack.
03:43Fried egg sandwich, the high spot of the day.
03:46Well, he didn't say anything to me about applying for jobs.
03:48Oh, no need until something came of it, was there?
03:51Please present yourself for interview at 12 noon on the 15th.
03:55Yours very truly, Frederick Foster, District Catering Manager.
03:5915th.
04:00That's today.
04:02Oh, no.
04:04Oh, typical.
04:05Why do all the men in my life expect me to drop everything
04:08just when it suits them?
04:15Mrs Skinner's applied for a job at Loxley?
04:17That's right. Managing the buffet.
04:19And she's got an interview at Clumberfield
04:21with a yours very truly, Frederick Foster.
04:24Frederick Foster?
04:26Do you know him?
04:27Only by reputation.
04:29Oh. Well, anyway, when Jack heard, he was hopping mad.
04:32He said, don't go.
04:34But she went straight home to change and put clean underwear on.
04:39Clean underwear? Whatever for?
04:41What a coincidence.
04:43That's just what Jack said.
04:50Gloria, one day off from college won't do you any harm.
04:53You can help Vera run this buffet while I'm gone.
04:56Who's in charge, me or old Vera?
04:58You're both in charge.
05:00And don't use tea leaves like the confetti.
05:02There's a lot of dodgy people in Loxley.
05:05Why do you want to wear clean underwear for?
05:07That's what I want to know.
05:09Who's going to get the benefit of that?
05:11Oh, Dad, Mum wants to look her best, doesn't she?
05:13Yeah, but who's going to see her underwear?
05:15I mean, tell me that.
05:16A woman has to feel she's perfectly groomed from top to toe.
05:20Your father finds these things hard to understand, love.
05:23Why do you want to manage Loxley buffet for?
05:26It's the same as here.
05:27Pies and sandwiches, cups of tea.
05:29It's bigger. I'll get more money.
05:31Be a step up in me career.
05:33Career?
05:34You don't have a career on British Railways.
05:37Not suppose we have a job if we're lucky.
05:40Gloria, this cup's still dirty. Do it again.
05:45Right, Jack.
05:46Ah, Mr Skinner, there you are.
05:48The 9.43 is due. You should be on their platform.
05:51I've got personal problems.
05:53We all have, Mr Skinner, like how to keep our jobs.
05:56Oh, blimey.
06:00Oh, may, may, may.
06:02May I just say, Mrs Skinner,
06:05that I hope your buffet will be properly staffed while you're away.
06:09Gloria's going to look after it with Vera Plumtree.
06:12You're missing college, Gloria. Is this wise?
06:14One day off won't hurt her.
06:16Gloria, go and see if Mr Bugden's there with his bread van.
06:19OK.
06:23Traw.
06:26I wish you'd be more careful, the things you say to me.
06:29Oh, may, you're leaving me.
06:31I've had this fuss. It's only an interview. I haven't got the job yet.
06:34But you will, may, with your looks, your charm.
06:37Oh, how could you do this to me?
06:39I find you again after all these years
06:41and now you want to move out of my orbit
06:43as if the Earth would stop revolving around the sun.
06:45Oh, Cecil, you know you make my head swim when you talk like that.
06:52I mean, if I get this job, it might be all for the best.
06:57Not for me, may. Not for me.
06:59There's one thing I must ask. Yes?
07:02Why have you changed your underclothes?
07:08So, while she's off to Clumberfield for her interview,
07:12I'm minding the buffet.
07:15If you should think of dropping in, I might have special offers on.
07:22Jack begged her not to go, but she was arrogant.
07:26This bloke that may's going to see,
07:29it wouldn't be Fred Foster by any chance, would it?
07:32I believe that was the name mentioned.
07:35Yeah, that's him.
07:37Yeah, smooth-talking, lecherous devil.
07:40He's left a trail of ruined women behind him, he has.
07:43Oh, is it a friend of yours?
07:48You ought to ask him round sometime.
07:51It's cos of him the wife left me.
07:54No.
07:56Met him on a train.
07:58Train went into Harefield Tunnel.
08:01When it came out, she was a different woman.
08:06I knew something must have happened.
08:09She started shaving her legs.
08:12Well, that sort of thing must play havoc with a man's self-respect.
08:17Plays havoc with his razor blades, I know that.
08:24Have you done this enough times, Ralph?
08:27I've done it so many times, I feel I can do it with me eyes shut.
08:31Yes, but you haven't done it right yet.
08:34Even with an opening.
08:37You haven't got them open, have you, Ralph?
08:40Ralph, open your eyes.
08:44RATTLING
08:50Practice has helped a bit.
08:53Don't go, me.
08:55Oh, don't be silly, Jack. You ought to be encouraging her, Dad.
08:58I'd like to think you wish me luck.
09:00Well, I won't, because if you get that job, I'll hardly see you.
09:03That could be good. It could put mystery back into our marriage.
09:06It's a mystery to me already.
09:08I don't know how you put up with him.
09:10Come on, Jack, send us off. We're late already.
09:13No, I won't. This train's going nowhere till May gets off.
09:16Oh, don't be silly, Jack.
09:18Parking'll sack you. He's busting to get a chance to cut staff.
09:21He can do what he likes.
09:23Well, if you're so keen to lose your job, it's just as well I'm trying to get another.
09:26Come on, Jack, let's be having you.
09:29WHISTLE BLOWS
09:31Hey!
09:40That'll be one and tuppence. Thank you very much.
09:45Oh, quick, give us a cup of tea, Vera.
09:48How are you managing?
09:50Easy as falling off a piece of cake.
09:55I see that man's brought a British Railways pie.
10:00Must be a stranger round here.
10:04Why do you say that?
10:06Well, your mother's got a system, you see.
10:08She always shifts the oldest pies first.
10:11I wonder if she's had her interview yet.
10:14It'd be great for her if she gets it.
10:16Working in Loxley, instead of this dead and alive hole.
10:20Yeah, it'd be really exciting working there. It's really swinging.
10:24They have a very good wool shop, that I do know.
10:27I bet that's why she wants the job, then. The glamour, you see.
10:32Fancy.
10:35Ethel, between you and me,
10:39Harry Lambert knows this Fred Foster who's interviewing Mrs Skinner,
10:44and Harry says he's very lustful.
10:48He says he cannot see a woman without lusting.
10:53I sometimes wish I'd gone into catering.
10:58Well, how long's dinner going to be?
11:01Oh, I don't know.
11:03What are we having?
11:04Sausages.
11:09That means it'll be this long, then.
11:34Come.
11:39Can I have a word?
11:41What is it, Mr Skinner?
11:42It's about me, and Mrs Skinner.
11:44She's put in for a job at Loxley.
11:46I know.
11:47And I'm worried she might get it. She's a bonny woman.
11:49I know.
11:50And the chap that's doing the interview is a lecherous devil.
11:52I know.
11:54So I'm worried that if she gets the job...
11:56Of course she'll get the job. Standing on her head.
12:00Sit down, Mr Skinner.
12:07What's this?
12:09I can see you're upset.
12:11Regard this as medicinal.
12:13I can see it is.
12:16Is yours medicinal, then, or what?
12:18Well, I'm as worried as you are.
12:20Why?
12:21Well, because as one of my staff, your worry is my worry.
12:26If she gets that job, she'll be away all day.
12:28I know.
12:30She works ships.
12:32Some night, she'll have to stop over.
12:34I know.
12:36Between you and me, she's a very demanding woman.
12:38I know.
12:42I believe there are such women.
12:44Ah, well, the thing is...
12:47she needs a fair amount of attention.
12:49I know.
12:51Well, the thing is...
12:53she needs a fair amount of attention.
12:55So I'm here to make a request.
12:57If the wife gets that job, can you get me a transfer to Loxley?
13:00A transfer to Loxley?
13:03On passionate grounds.
13:05You mean compassionate.
13:07I know what I mean.
13:10No, no, I'm afraid it's out of the question.
13:13Beeching's put a block on transfers.
13:15We all have to stay where we are and keep very still.
13:18I think it's something to do with the fact
13:20that he wants to count how many of us there are.
13:22I'm sorry, no.
13:25So much for your worry is my worry.
13:27Oh, stiff up a little, Mr Skinner.
13:29And the 1.40's due. Duty calls.
13:35One day, duty'll call and I won't be listening.
13:38Cos I'll have done away with meself.
13:40LAUGHTER
13:46Mr Orkindale, it's Cecil Parkin here at Hatley.
13:51Parkin.
13:53P-A-R...
13:55Well, no, it's not an emergency exactly, Mr Orkindale.
13:58I...
14:00Well, yes, I was wondering,
14:02is there any chance of a transfer to Loxley?
14:06Well, yes, I know I've only just come to Hatley, Mr Orkindale.
14:09I've...
14:11Yes, I understand the British Railways is in turmoil, Mr Orkindale.
14:14I was only... Mr Orkindale?
14:17Mr Orkindale?
14:24I'm back, Jack.
14:26Hey, that ladder in your stocking?
14:28Oh, I know. First time on as well.
14:30It's in your last stocking.
14:32Well, there's no need to tell everybody.
14:34But when you left this morning, it was in your right stocking.
14:36Oh, give up. It'll be a mistake.
14:38No, I'm not. It's on a different leg.
14:41When you saw me this morning, did I have me back to you?
14:45Er...
14:47Yeah.
14:48Oh, there you are, then.
14:51No, I'm not having that. Come here, sit down.
14:55It was on a different leg to what it was, and I want to know why.
14:59Oh, wait a minute. Have I got this right?
15:01When I set off for me interview this morning,
15:03you noticed a ladder in me stocking and you didn't tell me.
15:06No. I hoped it might stop you getting the job.
15:09So you didn't tell me.
15:11No, it took Mr Foster to do that.
15:13Oh, I bet he noticed it's all right.
15:15I bet he couldn't take his eyes off them.
15:17I'm sick of this. You've not even asked me if I got on all right.
15:20I'm more bothered how he got on.
15:22Right. That does it.
15:27Oh, look...
15:30Stay away!
15:31Vera, wherever I go, men are staring at my legs. I'm sick of it.
15:36May.
15:37Um, Mrs Skinner?
15:39You're back, then?
15:41Yes, for the time being.
15:49May, I, er... I wanted to ask you something.
15:54Yes, Cecil?
15:55Yes. I wanted to ask you how...
16:00How is it that when you left this morning,
16:02you had a ladder in your right stocking
16:05and now it's in your left one?
16:09May? May, I want a straight answer. Excuse me, Mr Parking.
16:13One moment, please.
16:15Vera, can I have a word?
16:17Yes. What is it, Mrs Skinner?
16:20So far, nobody at all has asked me how I did in my interview.
16:24Ah. Um...
16:26How did you do in your interview, Mrs Skinner?
16:29Thank you, Vera. Since you ask, I did very, very well.
16:34Mr Foster says I have everything it takes to satisfy him.
16:40Eh?
16:41He says I am just the woman he's been looking for.
16:44Ah.
16:45All I have to do now is supply a reference.
16:48Oh, yes, and I have to pass what he calls his practical test.
16:52Ah, killy.
16:55He's coming here this evening to sample my goodies.
16:59I'll help you.
17:01To see if my pies are tasty and my tea steaming hot.
17:06And all being well, when he gets here tonight, the job is mine.
17:09And I can't say I shall be sorry to go.
17:24Hey, Harry, you going to the club tonight?
17:27I'll go every night.
17:28Well, listen, come to the buffet.
17:30If you go down to the buffet tonight, you're in for a big surprise.
17:34Fred Foster's coming.
17:39Breakfast?
17:40Yeah.
17:41The man who was responsible for your missus leaving home.
17:46That man wants gelding.
17:48In the garden, she should do the trick.
17:51You can always borrow mine.
17:53That man is a beast in human guise.
18:05Jack, what are you doing?
18:07Harry could go down there and kill him.
18:09Exactly.
18:10Oh, I think that's wicked.
18:12All's fair in Lothar and British Railway, thattle.
18:17Hey.
18:21Wilfred!
18:22Are you going fishing?
18:24No, it's formation dancing practice night.
18:27Don't do bits of cheeky to your mother.
18:30What have you got in your chin?
18:32That's me maggots.
18:33Oh, oh.
18:34Well, we're all God's creatures, aren't we?
18:37They have their uses.
18:38Wilflam, sell us one for a tanner.
18:41You can have the lot for two, Bob.
18:43No, I only want one, but I want a lively mover.
18:45Help yourself.
18:47That Jack Foster's coming to sample me his buffet.
18:50Drink something and try a pie.
18:53Hey, Ethel, what's the worst thing you can find
18:56when you bite into a meat pie?
18:58A maggot.
19:00Wrong.
19:03Half a maggot.
19:07You can't ask me to write you a glowing reference, May.
19:09I'll be helping you to go away from me.
19:11If you care about me, Cecil, which you keep saying you do,
19:14do you want to help me?
19:15I do care, May.
19:17Well, then write me a reference.
19:19Go on, I've already drafted it out.
19:21I'll dictate it to you.
19:23Oh, May.
19:29Mrs May Skinner.
19:31Mrs May Skinner.
19:34Is a woman.
19:35Is a woman.
19:37He's already noticed that.
19:40Who can cope.
19:41Who can cope.
19:44With any demands made on her.
19:46No.
19:47No.
19:48I can't write that, May, a thousand times no.
19:51Right.
19:52I'll get this job without your reference, then.
19:55I'll ask Mr Oakendale to oblige me.
19:58He's always been willing to in the past.
20:03I must save her from this beast, Foster.
20:06Think, Cecil, think.
20:11If I sabotaged her efforts tonight.
20:16If something nasty got into the tea.
20:24Syrup a fix.
20:26That's it.
20:28Oh, Cecil.
20:30No wonder you're the youngest stationmaster in this district.
20:36Just wanted to say good luck, Mum.
20:38Oh, thanks, love.
20:40Do you want me to do anything?
20:42No, that's all right.
20:43Right, well, fingers crossed.
20:45See you later.
20:46See you, Dad.
20:47Yeah, have a good time, love.
20:49Jack, what do you want?
20:51Hope you're not going to embarrass me.
20:52Would I do that, love?
20:54No, I've just come to wish you good luck.
20:56Oh, thanks, Jack.
20:57You don't know how much that means to me.
20:59Well, you know I only want what's right for you.
21:02You've been a good husband to me, Jack.
21:04What do you mean?
21:05Beans.
21:07I haven't finished yet, have I?
21:10Hey, your lipstick's smudged.
21:11It needs touching up a bit.
21:13You go and see to yourself.
21:14I'll look after the counter for a minute.
21:16Right.
21:17Oh, and don't sell that pie on top.
21:19That's the freshest.
21:20It's for Mr Foster.
21:23I'm glad you told me that.
21:31I often wondered what that one was for.
21:40Come on, lad.
21:41That's a good boy.
21:45Yeah, then.
21:46Get in there, sunshine.
21:48It's your birthday.
21:51Oh, I've helped myself to a beer, love.
21:53Don't worry, the money's in the chill.
21:55Right.
21:56Well, don't stand there, Jack.
21:58I'm really, really sorry.
21:59I know.
22:02If I didn't help out, I wouldn't be sitting here.
22:04I'm so sorry.
22:07Yeah, well, if you haven't had quite enough beer,
22:09I'll make a few more.
22:11And you'll be in the kitchen.
22:13I'll be in the kitchen?
22:14Nothing.
22:15We're gonna be in the kitchen.
22:16Don't worry, the money's in the till.
22:17Right. Well, don't stand there cluttering up the counter.
22:21Mr Foster could be here any minute.
22:23Yeah. All right, love.
22:27Good evening, Mrs Skinner. Mr Skinner?
22:29Evening.
22:30What do you want?
22:31A bottle of pale ale, please.
22:33And just to say that if this is what you desire,
22:36then bon chance, Mrs Skinner.
22:38Thank you, Mr Parkin.
22:40Ah! Dear lady.
22:43Good evening to you.
22:44Mr Foster. You found me, then.
22:48Well, it wasn't difficult.
22:49All I had to do was get off at the right station.
22:54My word.
22:56This is no place for you.
22:58I mean, here you are, like a rose blooming in the wilderness.
23:02We shall have to transplant you, shan't we, hmm?
23:06Bed you out in Loxley, eh?
23:10Have we met somewhere before?
23:12It's possible. Parkin's the name.
23:14I was at Clumberfield for a time. I'm stationmaster here now.
23:17I see. Yes, yes.
23:20Can I offer you anything, Mr Foster?
23:22Ah! You'll be surprised, my dear.
23:27But duty before pleasure, hmm?
23:29Let me see.
23:31A cup of your finest tea, please.
23:33And, um...
23:36One of those pies, I think.
23:39Coming right up.
23:41Your every wish is my command.
23:44Dear lady.
23:59Oh, egg!
24:12Ah, thank you.
24:15Would you require a knife to quarter your pie with?
24:18Or even a fork?
24:20No, my dear, I should eat it the man's way.
24:23Fingers came before forks, hmm?
24:26Your tea will be one minute. It's just mashing.
24:29Ah.
24:30Is there anything else I can offer you?
24:32I'm sure there is, my dear.
24:37But we'll talk about that later, hmm?
24:40He's coming. He's coming.
24:43Oh, dear. It's Harry. He's on his way.
24:45It's just like in that picture where Gary Cooper had to walk down the street
24:49and fight them baddies.
24:51If there's going to be fighting, I can't look.
24:55Mind you, I could try to force myself.
25:03Fred Foster?
25:05Possibly. Possibly.
25:08Six years ago, you met my wife on a train.
25:20It's possible I travel around a great deal.
25:24Yeah?
25:25After which, she up and left me.
25:29And I never, ever saw her again.
25:32Not my dear father.
25:33So, I've just come to say to you...
25:37Thank you very much.
25:46It's a pleasure to shake your hand.
25:50It's a pleasure, dear fellow, a pleasure.
25:53Well, I couldn't just let you go without saying something, could I?
25:58You're all talk, you Harry Lumbert.
26:02Jaw, jaw, jaw is better than war, war, war.
26:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:18Your tea. Ah, thank you.
26:22May I join you, Mr Skinner? Aye.
26:25Skinner? Skinner, is that, um...
26:28Yes.
26:29Perhaps I ought to have a word, just to, um, excuse me, my dear.
26:33Um, do you mind if I join you, gentlemen?
26:38Sir, you are a very lucky man.
26:42And you have a very talented wife.
26:44And I believe I'm going to have to take her away from you.
26:50Eat your pie.
26:52And, uh, your tea is getting cold.
26:54Oh, indeed.
26:56Heard the news?
26:57That beggar Beechin's struck again.
27:01He's closed down Loxley.
27:03What?
27:05He's closed all that line.
27:07Loxley's closing and every job gone.
27:11Evening, Hope.
27:14That'll mean the refreshment room as well, I suppose.
27:18Well, I'll, um, bid you good night.
27:24I'm sorry, dear lady, pity.
27:28Put it down to one of life's little miter bins.
27:33Well, that was a brief encounter, all right.
27:38Blasted Dr Beechin.
27:44My word, Mr Skinner.
27:46I ate, Mr Parkin.
27:48Well, that pie looks too good to go to waste.
27:52Aye, and the daft beggar's forgotten to drink his tea.
27:56Well done, Dr Beechin.
28:22Oh, Dr Beechin,
28:24Oh, Dr Beechin, what have you done?
28:28There once were lots of trains to catch, but soon there will be none.
28:32I'll have to buy a bike, cos I can't afford a car.
28:36Oh, Dr Beechin, what a naughty man you are.
28:40Oh, Dr Beechin, what have you done?
28:44There once were lots of trains to catch, but soon there will be none.
28:48I'll have to buy a bike, cos I can't afford a car.
28:52Oh, Dr Beechin, what a naughty man you are.