Oh, Doctor Beeching! - 103 [couchtripper][U]
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:30Ethel! Ethel!
00:35Hello? What's going on?
00:40It's time we were openin' the booking office.
00:45I can't hear ya!
00:50It's time we were openin' the booking office!
00:55And I can't even yourself think.
00:56You're lucky.
00:58That's enough of that.
01:00I'm sorry, it's Wilfred.
01:02He can't get his fingers round one of the cords.
01:05I'll put me fingers round his neck in a minute.
01:08Well, you've got to give him a chance to practice.
01:10It's not on British Railways time.
01:12Tell him to go to the station and start cleaning the brasses.
01:14And you and I have got to open the booking office.
01:16May went down to get the urn going ten minutes ago.
01:19Shut that girl up!
01:21He's a bloody hooligan.
01:23He is not a hooligan.
01:24He's just young.
01:26It's the same thing.
01:27You've got to get tacky now.
01:28He'll come off your train in a minute.
01:30Not till I give the signal, it won't.
01:32And I'm not giving it until he shuts up.
01:35Well, he's stopped.
01:36How do you parry?
01:38What parking will have you?
01:39I don't give a damn for parking.
01:42You've got to learn not to poke his nose in.
01:45Good morning, Mr Parkin.
01:47Good morning, Mr Lambert.
01:48I'm just on my way back to my signal box, sir.
01:51Aren't you a bit late, Mr Lambert?
01:53Not if I run!
01:59Here's your tea cloths, May.
02:00All clean, washed and ironed.
02:03I've left the others in the proper receptacle place
02:06in the kitchenette.
02:07Oh, you're a treasure bearer.
02:08Give your bill to Gloria.
02:09She's just doing petty cash for us.
02:11I don't think I've quite finished, Mum.
02:13I've got to be at college at 9.30.
02:16Good morning, May.
02:18Mrs Skinner.
02:20Gloria, Mrs Plumtree.
02:22Didn't expect to find you all in here so early.
02:24Good morning, Mr Parkin.
02:26I've got the net curtains for the stationmaster's residence.
02:29All clean, washed and ironed.
02:31I'll hang them directly.
02:32Well, thank you, Mrs Plumtree.
02:34You shouldn't have bothered.
02:35Well, we can't have a person in your position
02:37with naked windows.
02:40Passers-by would be seeing things what are private
02:43only to your good self.
02:46And that isn't nice.
02:48Even for the passers-by.
02:51Yes.
02:53Well, erm...
02:55My furniture arrives tomorrow.
03:01Well, good morning to you.
03:04What a charming man.
03:06He's what I call one of nature's natural gentleman's gentlemen.
03:12What's the pity he has to do so much whinging?
03:18She's a funny woman.
03:20She's a good ironer.
03:21She's right, though.
03:22He is very gentlemanly.
03:24Seems a bit shy.
03:26Aw. Not when you get to know him.
03:29I expect.
03:31May, I'll be in for my cuppa
03:33as soon as I've seen the plumber feel through.
03:34I'll have it ready for you.
03:37Give us a glass of water, May.
03:39I think I'm going to have one of me heads.
03:42Shouldn't you be in your booking office?
03:44I can see through the door if there's any passengers.
03:47Oh, is that Wilfred?
03:49He's a nice boy and ever so loving.
03:52But he doesn't think.
03:54I wonder where he gets that from.
04:02Hartley Refreshment Room.
04:04Oh, hello, Cecil.
04:05Mr Parkin.
04:07Well, I don't normally...
04:10Well, can't you come in here for it?
04:13Well, I'm sure Mrs Shewman would bring one for you.
04:19Very well, Mr Parkin.
04:24Was that Mr Parkin?
04:27It was.
04:28What's he want?
04:29Oh, what do people normally want from a refreshment room?
04:31A cup of tea.
04:32Well, why doesn't he come in here for it?
04:34He wants it in his office.
04:36I'll take it to him.
04:37No.
04:38He wants me to take it.
04:40Oh, I see.
04:41I'll take him an Eccles cake.
04:43I expect he'd like one.
04:46Gloria?
04:47Yes, Mum?
04:47Mind the counter for a minute or two, love.
04:49Okay.
04:56She's never done that before.
04:58Why's she doing it for Parkin?
04:59Well, you know Mum.
05:01And she's took him the last Eccles cake.
05:04There's something odd going on.
05:09Come.
05:13Ah.
05:14Thank you for coming, Mae.
05:16I hope you're not going to make a habit of this, Cecil.
05:19I've got my work to do.
05:20I had to see you, Mae.
05:21I couldn't talk with all those people in the room.
05:24Drink your tea.
05:29Your hair looks beautiful.
05:31Have you brought me all the way in here to talk about my hair?
05:35Mae.
05:36Every time I see you, I still get the same feelings I had all that time ago.
05:40Well, you can get those sort of feelings right out of your head straight away.
05:43I'm a married woman.
05:45That's what's so damnable about it.
05:47I couldn't sleep again last night thinking of you and him.
05:51In bed together.
05:53Doing things.
05:56Well, you needn't worry about that.
05:58At least not on a Thursday.
06:10Boo!
06:16Ruff!
06:17Ruff!
06:18Oh, you frightened me.
06:21What were you doing?
06:22Eavesdropping?
06:23Me? No!
06:26I'm looking at this door.
06:29What for?
06:30Woodworm.
06:32Woodworm?
06:34Have you found any?
06:36One or two.
06:38They get everywhere.
06:39Is Arnold here yet?
06:41I haven't seen him.
06:42We're taking over the 10-7.
06:44Well, that's nice.
06:46I expect you'll be an engine driver soon.
06:49Maybe.
06:50I'm not that keen.
06:51Aren't you?
06:52I thought all boys wanted to be engine drivers.
06:56No, I was sort of pushed into it.
06:58My uncle drove the Royal Scott.
07:01So everyone thought that I'd want to do the same.
07:04Personally, I'm more of an academic.
07:11Are you?
07:13Yeah, I'm studying right now.
07:15I'm reading all about them ancient Greeks.
07:17Aristotle and Aristophanes.
07:21I've got them well-sussed.
07:22I'm going through them alphabetically.
07:25When I was at school, I liked hearing about Caesar.
07:28Oh, yeah?
07:29I haven't got to S yet.
07:36Right away!
07:43Where's May?
07:44I don't know.
07:45Gloria said you took a cup of tea in your parking.
07:47Did she?
07:51There's a cup of tea waiting for you, Jack, when you've got a minute.
07:53May?
07:54Oh.
07:55Oh, Mr Skinner, Mrs Schumann.
07:57I'd like to have a word with all the station staff.
07:59I think just before the 11-2 would be best.
08:01Right, I'll tell them all.
08:03Did you know you've got woodworm?
08:06I beg your pardon?
08:08You've got woodworm in your door.
08:13Oh, so I have.
08:14Mrs Schumann spotted them.
08:18How did you manage that, Mrs Schumann?
08:21Well, I just have a good look from time to time.
08:26Well, thank you, Mrs Schumann.
08:27That's very observant of you.
08:28Perhaps you'd be good enough to check over the rest of the station woodwork
08:31and let me know if there are any more cases.
08:33Oh, I will.
08:34They get everywhere, don't they?
08:36Yes.
08:37I expect they do.
08:39I'll go and look out for Arnold.
08:42Yes.
08:44Ethel.
08:48What's going on?
08:49Nothing.
08:51Since when have you started hunting woodworm?
08:54Well, it's just something I do from time to time.
08:57Sort of a hobby.
09:00There's something going on.
09:01What's May up to?
09:02Nothing.
09:03Surely she can take somebody a cup of tea and an Eccles cake
09:06without you going on.
09:08An Eccles cake?
09:10She's gave him an Eccles cake?
09:12I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
09:14Hang on a minute.
09:15Parking says we've got to lock the cash box every time we leave.
09:21There you are, Mum. Mustache.
09:23Bye, Mum.
09:24Ta-ra.
09:25Hello, Arnold.
09:26Oh, hello.
09:27May.
09:28Could you put me a spot of hot water in this, please?
09:31Come on, give it here.
09:32Ta.
09:34Ooh.
09:36I thought I'd never get here today.
09:39Well, it's the wife, Jessica, you see.
09:42Now, you wouldn't believe that in 1963, Brunel Cottages have all got...
09:56I beg your pardon?
10:00Outside toilets!
10:02Oh!
10:03Outside toilets!
10:09You see...
10:10...she always bolts the door when she...
10:13...when she goes.
10:15And heaven knows who's going to follow her down there at four o'clock in the morning.
10:20I say, May.
10:21Oh, Jack, hello.
10:22I'm just explaining to May why I went late, you see.
10:25He's got outside toilets.
10:28That'd make me early.
10:31In the damp weather, the boat gets very rusty.
10:35So Jessica got stuck.
10:38Well, haven't you got any oil?
10:40Oh, no, that was the trouble.
10:42I gave her a bowl of pork dripping, but it didn't seem to work.
10:47And then I handed her a hammer.
10:48Well, there's a little gap at the top of the door, you see.
10:51Here's your tea.
10:53Well, she tried it with a hammer, but...
10:55...she's never been any good with mechanical things.
10:59Is she still there?
11:02Oh, yes.
11:04Well, I had to leave. I'll be late, you see.
11:08Anyway, I've sent for the plumber, and Mrs. Cone next door is sitting with her.
11:14She's reading Oliver Twist.
11:17Oh, she likes her good yarns, doesn't she?
11:19Arnold!
11:21Harkin wants a word.
11:22Oh, right.
11:24I'll pop in.
11:25You don't have to, you know. He's got no authority over you.
11:28I know, I know.
11:29But if it makes him happy, I don't mind.
11:32Right.
11:37Now then, May.
11:39What's all this about you taking Park in a cup of tea?
11:41What do you mean?
11:42Well, you never take me a cup of tea.
11:45Well, I don't have to. You're here, aren't you?
11:47Well, you took him a necklace cake as well.
11:51Well, you can have a necklace cake if you want one.
11:56Oh, no.
11:58None left.
12:00You gave Park in the last Eccles cake?
12:03Jack, I am far too busy to stand here with you discussing Eccles cakes.
12:08I've got me washing up to do.
12:12Well, I'll be blessed.
12:14Jack, come and sit down. I want to talk to you.
12:18Ethel?
12:19She walked away just as I was trying to talk to her.
12:22She didn't walk away. She went into the kitchen.
12:25Now, sit down.
12:27She's no right to give him the last Eccles cake.
12:30She knows I always have an Eccles cake with me morning cuppa.
12:33Stop going on about the Eccles cake!
12:37Now, listen, Jack.
12:39You know you always think there's something going off with May.
12:42And I say, don't talk rubbish.
12:44Well, now I'm agreeing with you.
12:46There is something going off.
12:50You've found something out.
12:52You've got to tell me. You've got to tell me.
12:54You've got to tell me. You've got to tell me.
12:56I'm going to tell you.
13:00When she took park in the cuppa tea...
13:03And the Eccles cake.
13:04All right, and the Eccles cake.
13:07I got close to the door.
13:10Looking for woodworm?
13:12No, I had me ear to the door.
13:16Can you hear woodworm?
13:18I wasn't looking for woodworm!
13:22I had me ear to the door to hear what they said.
13:25What did you hear?
13:27Well, they were talking.
13:28And I heard him say, May.
13:31And then she said, Cecil.
13:35Go on.
13:36Then the train started to arrive.
13:38And you shouted, this is Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
13:41Change here for Buston and Wemstead.
13:44And then Ralph came in and went, boo!
13:48So what did you hear?
13:49Nothing.
13:51But they were talking.
13:54There's something going on.
14:00Morning, Harry.
14:01Morning.
14:02Parking wants to see all the station staff before the 11.2's gone through.
14:06I'll come if it's convenient.
14:10Sorry if I upset you with me guitar this morning.
14:12Yeah.
14:14Well, you want to learn to have a bit more respect for your elders.
14:17When I was your age, if I wasn't respectful,
14:20my father would take his belt off and chase me round the house with it.
14:25Why didn't his trousers fall down?
14:31If there wasn't a train coming, I'd do you a mischief.
14:36It's you today, eh?
14:39Why didn't his trousers come down?
14:42Why didn't his trousers come down?
14:52Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
14:55Change here for Buston and Wemstead.
15:03Horace.
15:04Aye.
15:05Charlie.
15:05Aye.
15:06Hope you've left the fire in.
15:07Certainly have.
15:12Right away.
15:15Now, Ralph.
15:24Sorry, Mr Parking.
15:32Hello, Mum.
15:34Have you told Harry?
15:35Yeah, he's in one of his moods.
15:37Wilfred, pull your hat down.
15:39You look gormless.
15:42Hello, Ethel.
15:43And how's my gorgeous girl this morning?
15:45Oh, the better for seeing you, Percy.
15:48Right, is everybody here?
15:49Oh, they're all just coming, Mr Parking.
15:52Oh, er, thank you for coming, Mrs Skinner.
15:55It's quite all right, Mr Parking.
15:56Vera is looking after the refreshment room for me.
15:59I came as fast as I could, Mr Parking.
16:02I ran most of the way.
16:04Now, from what I can gather from Mr Auchindare at District,
16:07no final decision has yet been made on the closure of this station.
16:11Each line is being assessed over the next few weeks,
16:13and they will, of course, be inspecting us and checking our efficiency.
16:16The Wetherton branch is going to be shut down.
16:18Yes, yes, I did know that.
16:20Now then, what can we do about it, we ask ourselves?
16:23You're right, Mr Parking.
16:25That's what I've been asking myself.
16:28You've hit the nail right on the head.
16:30What can we do about it?
16:32Well, the answer is, absolutely nothing.
16:34You're wrong there, Mr Skinner.
16:36We can be positive and optimistic.
16:38There must be no long faces.
16:40We must smile at the passengers.
16:41We must be cheerful.
16:42Efflewere's always cheerful, always smiling, ain't you, Effle?
16:46When I see you, Percy.
16:53I smile at every train that passes my way.
16:58Not that anybody ever looks.
17:01We're getting off the point.
17:03The thing is, we must make this station the best on the line.
17:07Now, I see we have a public address system for the station announcements.
17:10Oh, that's no good. It's been bussed for years.
17:12The string went.
17:15I take it you mean the main's lead.
17:17Yes, Mr Lambert is repairing that for me.
17:19Yes, it'll be ready in a Fry, sir.
17:21Well, say by about four o'clock.
17:24Well, in the meantime, Mr Skinner, Mrs Schuman,
17:26I'd like to go over what sort of announcements we'll be making.
17:29That'll be all for the rest of you.
17:30And thank you for coming, Mrs Skinner.
17:32It's a pleasure, Mr Parking.
17:34Thank you for inviting me.
17:37Right.
17:39This is where we used to switch it on.
17:42This knob's for the volume.
17:44That's all to the tone.
17:45And this used to make it crackle so we didn't touch it.
17:49And these are the different announcements for the different trains.
17:51I see.
17:52Well, as soon as we have the main's lead, we can try it out.
17:54But in the meantime, can we check what we're going to announce?
17:57How do you mean?
17:58Well, I suggest we pretend that the machine is switched on
18:01and make the announcement.
18:03Hattley, Hattley, Hattley, change here, per bus.
18:05Just a moment, Mr Skinner.
18:08The station is spelt H-A-T-L-E-Y.
18:16You want me to spell it?
18:20No, pronounce it.
18:23This is Hattley, Hattley, Hattley, Hattley, Hattley.
18:28Hattley, Hattley, Hattley, Hattley, Hattley.
18:32Huh.
18:36This is Hattley, Hattley, Hattley.
18:41Huh.
18:45Carry on.
18:47Change here, per Bus City Wednesday.
18:49But the name of the station is Bustin.
18:57Bustin.
18:59That's right.
19:01You might call it Bastin,
19:04but people who live there want to go to Bustin.
19:08I see.
19:09Well, when I was at Shenfield, we had a female doing the station announcements.
19:13The passengers there seemed to prefer it.
19:15You try, Mrs Shuman.
19:16Who, me?
19:18Yes, Mrs Shuman, you.
19:25This is Hattley, Hattley, Hattley.
19:29Change here for Bustin and Wednesday.
19:32Excellent, Mrs Shuman.
19:34I'll try the next one.
19:35Oh.
19:38The train approaching Platform 2 is the stopping train to Swinthorpe
19:43calling at Nottingham Bassett, Claude Halton, Biddlesby and Austin in the Woes.
19:51Excellent, Mrs Shuman.
19:53I think it would be best if you did all the station announcements.
19:56If you don't mind, Mr Skinner.
19:58Oh, I don't mind. I don't mind a bit.
20:01There's just one thing, though.
20:03That train's not stopped at Biddlesby for the last three years.
20:10And he's still at it.
20:11He'd a half go on, don't he?
20:13Well, you can't blame him.
20:15It's his first post as station master.
20:17He wants everything to be just so.
20:19Mm. Well, if you ask me,
20:21I reckon he's one of those fussy old finicky types, always nitpicking.
20:26I don't think he's like that at all.
20:29That parking!
20:30Of all the fussy old finicky nitpicking people I've ever met!
20:35Here's your tea.
20:36Put your own milk in.
20:40Fetch it over here, Ethel.
20:45You haven't been waving to me lately.
20:48Don't you love me any more?
20:50It's him.
20:51He watches everything we do.
20:53Don't you take any notice of him?
20:55Here, there's a smashing film on at the Regal.
20:58Summer Holiday.
21:00All these young people, they go off on holiday in an old bus.
21:03There's that Cliff Richard.
21:05Euna Stubbs. Oh, I fancy her.
21:07Lots of singing and dancing.
21:09It sounds lovely.
21:12I'm not doing anything on Saturday.
21:14Shall we go?
21:15Oh, I've seen it.
21:18Oh.
21:19Erm, did you, er, go on your own?
21:22Oh, with the young Amy, Amy Matlock.
21:24Glorious friend.
21:25I just didn't want you to miss it, that's all.
21:29I'll try not to.
21:43I just happened to be passing, sir.
21:45I've done your read.
21:46Would you mind bringing it round to the booking office, Mr Lambert?
21:49This window is for ventilation only.
21:52Very nice of you too, sir.
21:54I'll be round in a fright.
22:04Mr Lambert has repaired the lead. We can try out the system.
22:07There's a train due any minute. You can go on the air.
22:09The passengers might even give you a round of applause.
22:11It'll be just like a concert.
22:13Shut up, Jack. You're making me nervous.
22:16Couldn't Jack do the first one?
22:18Nonsense. You'll do it very well, Mrs Shuman.
22:21Mr Parkin.
22:22Here it is. Give it to Parkin, the fussy old finicky old...
22:25Thank you, Harry.
22:27That was Harry.
22:28Good. Plug it in, please, Mrs Shuman.
22:30Give her a hand, Mr Skinner.
22:32Give it to the other end, Ethel.
22:34Excuse me, Mr Skinner, that plug...
22:36Shut up!
22:38There you go, Ethel.
22:44Is it on?
22:46The train approaching Platform 2
22:49is the stopping train to Swinthorpe,
22:52calling at Nottingham, Bathurst, Coldhorton,
22:55Cogglethorpe and Austin in the world.
22:58Very good.
23:00It didn't work.
23:01Excuse me, Mr Skinner.
23:02Shut up.
23:03Testing, testing, testing.
23:05Mary had a little lamb.
23:07His fleece was white as snow.
23:09Shut up!
23:11That plug won't work. It's bust.
23:14I blew it out with me amplifier.
23:16How dare you employ British Railway's electricity for an improper purpose?
23:20But the poor lad's got to practise some way.
23:23Not on my plug.
23:25That one under there works.
23:27But we'll need a longer lead.
23:29No, we won't, Mr Skinner. I will not be defeated.
23:31Bring the apparatus across here.
23:33Here, Walford. Plug it in.
23:35There's a train due in a minute.
23:37Do you want me to go outside and do the announcement?
23:39No, Mr Skinner. I am determined to succeed.
23:42If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
23:45Absolutely, Mrs Shuman.
23:47You can call me Ethel.
23:50Not yet a while, Mrs Shuman.
23:53There's a train due in a minute.
23:55Switch on. Go ahead, Mrs Shuman.
23:57The train approaching...
23:59Hang on a minute.
24:02Yes.
24:03The train approaching Platform 2 is a stopping train to Swinthorpe
24:05calling at Nottingham, Basset, Coldhort and Cogglethorpe and Austin in the world.
24:09I'll go outside and listen.
24:11Let us pray.
24:13Shut up, Jack.
24:14I can hear it coming. Go ahead, Mrs Shuman.
24:20This is a Hatley Station announcement.
24:24The train approaching Platform 2 is the stopping train to Swinthorpe
24:30calling at Nottingham, Basset, Coldhort and Cogglethorpe...
24:36Hang on a minute.
24:42Get on with it, Ethel.
24:44I'm getting on with it.
24:49Please hurry, Mrs Shuman.
24:51I'm going as fast as I can.
24:53Ah, speedy!
24:56I'm sorry about that.
24:59The train approaching Platform 1...
25:01Two.
25:03Sorry, two.
25:05...is the stopping train to Swinthorpe
25:07calling at Nottingham, Basset, Coldhort and Cogglethorpe
25:10calling at Nottingham, Cogglethorpe, Coldbasset...
25:13Nottingham, Basset and Coldhort...
25:15Nottingham, Basset and Coldhorten.
25:17Where does it go after that?
25:19Cogglethorpe and Austin in the world.
25:21Austin in the world and Cogglethorpe.
25:23The other way round.
25:24The other way round.
25:29I'd better do all that again or you'll get confused.
25:32Thank you, Mrs Shuman.
25:34I think we'll wait for Mr Lambert to repair the correct socket.
25:37I'm ever so sorry.
25:39What did the passengers say?
25:41There weren't any.
25:46Harry!
25:48I've been waiting here for ages.
25:50I'm in urgent need of a pound of ripe tomatoes.
25:54Well, you're going to have to wait.
25:56He's meant his perishing parking, his perishing needs
25:59so he can have his perishing announcements.
26:01Well, there's no need to swear in front of the lady.
26:04Oh, I'm sorry, Vera.
26:06It's just that people don't appreciate the fine limits
26:09that I have to work to.
26:11With tomatoes?
26:13No, with the signals.
26:15Be careful, Mr Skinner.
26:18Careful.
26:20There you are, Mr Parkin.
26:21Good, now plug it in.
26:23Now remain perfectly calm, Mrs Shuman.
26:25Mr Orkendale from District will be on that train
26:27but it's a very simple announcement.
26:29Yes, Mr Parkin.
26:30And now you can read it, there should be no mistake.
26:32Yes, Mr Parkin.
26:33Perhaps you'd better have one more practice.
26:35Now?
26:36Yes.
26:37This is Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
26:39Change here for Bastion and Wenstead.
26:42Good.
26:44Mr Skinner, you come with me onto the platform
26:46and we'll greet Mr Orkendale.
26:47Are you sure you don't want me to stay in here with Ethel?
26:50Quite sure.
26:55Good luck.
26:58We could do with a little more volume this time.
27:00Pardon?
27:01Make it louder.
27:02Tell us out!
27:05No, just turn up the volume.
27:11This is Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
27:12Change here for Bastion and Wenstead.
27:14This is Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
27:15Change here for Bastion and Wenstead.
27:20This is Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
27:21Oh, there's too many in the house!
27:23Oh!
27:33Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
27:35Change here for Bastion and Wenstead.
27:42Hatley, Hatley, Hatley.
27:44Change here for Bastion and Wenstead.
27:49Hello, Mr Parkin.
27:50You've got the munchkins doing you now, have you, Tony?
27:57I think I liked it better when you did it, Jack.
28:21Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
28:26There once were lots of trains to catch
28:28But soon there will be none
28:30I'll have to buy a bike
28:32Cos I can't afford a car
28:34Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are
28:38Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
28:42There once were lots of trains to catch
28:44But soon there will be none
28:46I'll have to buy a bike
28:48Cos I can't afford a car
28:50Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are