Oh, Doctor Beeching! - 106 [couchtripper][U]
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00:30Oh, Harry, you work with such vigorousness and precicity.
00:34How you miss hitting your fingers, I never know.
00:38I don't always.
00:43Right, here you are.
00:45Till that parking, he owes me three and six.
00:49Oh, thank you, Harry.
00:51And don't forget your tomatoes.
00:53I'm doing myself a little liver and bacon and grilled tomatoes for my tea.
00:58There'll be enough for two if you should happen to be in the vicinity.
01:03I shan't be. I'll have me feet up listening to the wireless.
01:07Well, you can put your feet up and have a nice snooze in front of my fire in my parlour.
01:12No, I never sleep after all that fatty bacon.
01:15Well, then we could have a conversation.
01:17What about?
01:18Oh, this and that, political things, life, your ambitions, your adventures.
01:24What ambitions could I have stuck in this box?
01:28All I ever do is pull them ruddy levers and then shove them back again.
01:32Well, please yourself.
01:34I must go and bleach Mr Parkin's sink. It's not very fragrant.
01:38I might pop in for a cup of tea, though.
01:41Everything will be ready for you, Harry, at any time.
01:47Oh, you've got a lovely view from here. You can see everything that's going on.
01:51There's Mr Parkin getting off his bike.
01:54He's got a parcel tied with pink ribbon. I wonder what's in it.
01:58Oh, and there's a lot of smoke coming out of one of your signals, the one on the platform.
02:04That's the starter.
02:06That's that boy Wilfrid. He hasn't trimmed a wick.
02:10I'll go and light the fire in my parlour.
02:13I'm only having a cup of tea, mate.
02:17PHONE RINGS
02:19Oh, right, wait a minute.
02:22Right, there's the timetable.
02:24But tell your mother she'd better give me a ring when she wants to travel
02:28because it gets changed quite a lot
02:30due to operational necessities and cows on the line.
02:34That was Harry.
02:36It says the starter's smoking.
02:38Did you trim the wick? Yes, Mum.
02:40Well, you can't have done it properly.
02:42I did. I used your kitchen scissors.
02:45How many times have I told you?
02:48There'll be a lamp black all over the bacon.
02:51What's going on?
02:52There's all smoke coming from Harry's starter.
02:55You've not trimmed it right. Go and get another lamp.
02:57Yes, Mr Skinner.
02:59If Parkin hears about this, he'll get his cards.
03:02Well, he's not going to worry about it, is he?
03:04He's not trimmed it right.
03:06Well, he used my kitchen scissors.
03:08I thought the bacon tasted funny.
03:12I told the grocer he'd been using too much oil on his slice,
03:15so I gave him an extra half a pound.
03:19That boy's born idle.
03:21Well, it's not his fault.
03:23He's only young and he's from a broken home.
03:25So I've heard. He broke most of it himself.
03:29You've got to make allowances.
03:31He never knew his father.
03:33As long as you did.
03:35That's enough of that, Jack Skinner.
03:37I'm sorry, Ethel.
03:39I married Wilfred's father,
03:41and I've still got a slice of the wedding cake
03:43in a little pink box to prove it.
03:45Can somebody help me, please?
03:47Hey-up, that's Wilfred.
03:49He's not climbing that ladder all by himself, is he?
03:54What's the matter with you? Get up that ladder.
03:56I can't climb up and carry the lamp.
03:58Me fingers are sore.
04:00Oh, you poor lad.
04:02What have you done?
04:04He's getting the cords and doing the strumming of the strings.
04:06It hurts me fingers.
04:08I can't climb up as much as it hurts my ears.
04:10Get moving.
04:12Don't bully the boy.
04:14He's only trying to better himself.
04:16I can climb up if you can hand me the lamp.
04:18Well, get going.
04:20Here, then, oldie.
04:22Look, I've told you.
04:24Don't be such a bully.
04:26You were young yourself, weren't you?
04:28Oh, no, I wasn't. There was a war on.
04:30I didn't have time to be young.
04:32Wilfred, be careful.
04:34You're going too high.
04:36The lamp goes.
04:38Can't you hand it up to me?
04:40Of course I can't hand it up to you.
04:42What do you think I am, King Kong?
04:44Stop going on at him.
04:46Stop hitting me.
04:48Can't you climb up and hand it to me?
04:50Of course I can't, you fool.
04:52I need both hands, me foot's playing up.
04:54There, you're going at him for having bad fingers.
04:56You've got a bad foot.
04:58And he's not a fool.
05:00Stop hitting me.
05:02I've got meself.
05:06I'm coming down again.
05:10What's the matter now?
05:12I'm not climbing up there with you down here.
05:14It's not ladylike.
05:16What are you talking about?
05:18You'll be able to see my
05:20intimate apparel.
05:24You are?
05:26That's what the Americans call it.
05:28Ladies' intimate apparel.
05:30My husband told me.
05:32I thought he was a soldier.
05:34Intimate apparel.
05:36Mr Skinner,
05:38if you come half way up,
05:40Mum can hand you the lamp.
05:42You see?
05:44Why didn't you think of that?
05:46Get up.
05:50Ouch.
05:52Now what's up?
05:54Me foot's playing up.
05:56If you ask me, you're the one who should be getting his cards.
05:58You're past it.
06:00Past it?
06:02You know when it comes to the it that matters,
06:04I have several very nice furlongs to go.
06:06Can I have the lamp, please?
06:08Coming up.
06:10Oh dear.
06:30Go and get a fire extinguisher.
06:32Fire extinguisher.
06:34Where is it?
06:36By the station master's door.
06:38Station master's door. Right.
06:42Sorry, Mr Parking.
06:44I can't stop.
06:46What do I do now?
06:48Bang it on the knob.
06:50Eh?
06:58It's on the fire!
07:02What exactly is going on?
07:04We've had a bit of a fire, Mr Parking.
07:06That's all I can see.
07:08Why is that signal lamp smoking?
07:10It's a funny thing, Mr Parking.
07:12A swarm of butterflies settled in plant.
07:14Peacocks, they were.
07:16Behaving like moths round a candle.
07:18And they all burst into flames at once.
07:20I've never seen anything like it.
07:22Thanks, Jack.
07:24Here's the train.
07:26Try to behave with some dignity in front of the passengers.
07:28Yes, Mr Parking.
07:30Hatley, Hatley, Hatley!
07:32Came here for Buster and Wednesday!
07:34Tuck up your hat, Smokey.
07:46Good morning, Mr Parking.
07:48There's signal smoking.
07:50We know.
07:52I'm expecting a witness, Trimmy.
07:54We know.
07:56Jack! The signal's on fire!
07:58We know!
08:01Thank heavens there were no passengers.
08:03Shall we send the train off?
08:05No, Mr Skinner, you're in no fit state.
08:07I'll do it.
08:10Right away!
08:16Sorry, Mr Parking.
08:18That were me.
08:20I'll see you all in my office in five minutes.
08:24Get over!
08:30Here's your shopping, Mum.
08:32Amy helped me carry it home.
08:34Oh, thanks, Amy.
08:36Shove the baskets in the kitchen, put the change in the till.
08:38And, Gloria, give those tables a wipe down.
08:40There's a good girl.
08:42I can't stop. I've got to fly.
08:44Bye!
08:46Hello, Ethel.
08:48Oh, you've got black smudges all over your cheeks.
08:50How kind of you to mention it.
08:52Trust her to catch me out.
08:54Have they gone?
08:56No. Try a bit of spit.
09:01Oh, dear.
09:03You two look as if you've had the cane.
09:05Where's Mr Parking Cross?
09:07He had us stood standing in front of his desk for five minutes
09:10while you were sat sitting, telling me off.
09:12He didn't stop.
09:14And he kept his hat on.
09:16Aye, he's got a cruel tongue and it doesn't get tired.
09:18And it's all your, Wilfred's, fault.
09:20No, it isn't. We're all to blame.
09:22I've said it before, Ethel.
09:24That boy needs a father. Can't you find him one?
09:26She's tried hard enough.
09:28She is the cat's mother.
09:30Oh, I'm the cat's mother's tried hard enough.
09:33No, I haven't.
09:35There's no-one round here worth a second glance.
09:37What about that guard, Percy?
09:39I've seen you giving him come-hither looks.
09:42I don't do anything of the sort.
09:44He doesn't need come-hither looks.
09:46Show him your ticket and he comes hither
09:48with his hands all over you to the next station.
09:52You ask Amy.
09:55Well, that Amy throws herself at him.
09:57In fact, she throws herself at anything and trials us.
10:00Maybe we can persuade her to throw herself at your Wilfred.
10:03Not as though he'd know what to do with her.
10:05It's not the impression I get.
10:08He hasn't tried anything with you, has he?
10:10Of course he hasn't.
10:12I'll kill him if he does.
10:14Mind you, it's your own fault with those short skirts.
10:16Here we go again.
10:18Oh, that'll be the clumberfield.
10:20We'd better get back to our posts.
10:22Yeah, thanks for the tea, May. Give us a kiss.
10:24Oh, get away with you.
10:26Er, hey, I'll be back at one o'clock for me dinner.
10:28What have you got?
10:30Lancashire hot pot.
10:32Ooh, great.
10:34Gloria, there's a bit of washing air in the parlour.
10:36Be a pet and run the iron over it for me.
10:38I can't wait.
10:44That's me, that's me, that's me.
10:46I came here for bush dinner Wednesday.
10:49Bush dinner Wednesday.
10:59Have they all gone?
11:01Where have you sprung from?
11:03My bathroom.
11:05Harry promised me he'd blocked it up.
11:07I stopped him.
11:09Well, he had no business to.
11:11Which hand have I got it in?
11:15I sincerely hope you haven't got it in either.
11:17Go on, May, choose like you used to.
11:19Oh, that was a long time ago.
11:21Oh, come on, please.
11:23All right, then.
11:27That one.
11:29Quite right.
11:31What's this?
11:33It's a birthday present.
11:35It's not me birthday till next month.
11:37No, I was passing the shop and I saw them in the window
11:39and I thought of all those birthdays I'd missed,
11:41so I went in and bought them.
11:43Happy 18 birthdays, May.
11:45Someone might see.
11:55Whatever's this?
11:5738 C cup.
11:5938 C cup?
12:01I hope I haven't got the size wrong.
12:03Oh, no. Nothing half a pound of cotton wool won't put right.
12:09They're silk.
12:11They must have cost a fortune.
12:13I wanted to make up for the 18 birthdays we'd been kept apart.
12:16Oh, Cecil, they're gorgeous,
12:18but what am I going to do with these?
12:20Well, most people wear them.
12:22I can't possibly wear them.
12:24Well, the girl in the shop said she'd change them if they didn't fit.
12:26No, it's not that. What would Jack say?
12:29Well, wear them when he's not looking.
12:31Don't be ridiculous. He's always looking.
12:34Can't you pretend you bought them yourself?
12:36Where would I get the money to buy something like this?
12:39Oh, they're nice, aren't they?
12:42Betty Grable used to wear those.
12:44Not the same ones, I don't suppose.
12:46Are they yours?
12:48Er, no.
12:50Er, Mr Parkin very kindly bought them for me.
12:53For Gloria.
12:55Oh, fancy.
12:58She's much more capacious than she looks, isn't she?
13:02She will be pleased. And flattered.
13:05It's to be a surprise.
13:07You mustn't tell her, ever.
13:09Not one syllabus will escape from my lips.
13:14I put bleach down your sink, Mr Parkin,
13:16and the one in your kitchenette, Mrs Skinner.
13:19I hope you don't mind my using the communication door,
13:22but Harry hasn't yet done the blocking,
13:24cos Mr Parkin told him to desist.
13:27See you in arms.
13:29Whenever that may be.
13:32What did I say?
13:33Word'll get round about that door and then where will we be?
13:36Jack says he'll be a bit late for his dinner,
13:38cos there's a lot of parcels arrived on the clumber field.
13:41I'll come at once.
13:43What's up with Parkin?
13:45He ran like a frightened rabbit.
13:47Oh, what's that?
13:49Nothing. Let me see.
13:52Oh, aren't they lovely?
13:55Whose are they?
13:57Parkin's.
14:01Parkin's?
14:02He's gone mad.
14:04Well, I'd never in a million years thought he was like that.
14:08No, you silly chump. He's bought them for me, for me birthday.
14:11But that's next month.
14:13No, not one birthday. All me birthdays since we first met.
14:16There's 18 of them.
14:18Oh, heck. What's Jack going to say?
14:20You'll have to give them back.
14:21You're right, I'll have to.
14:23But aren't they beautiful?
14:25I've always wanted a set like this all me life.
14:28Oh, they're lovely.
14:30You could fit seven pounds of King Edwards in these.
14:34They cost a fortune.
14:36Ethel, couldn't I say you bought them for me?
14:39Oh, charming.
14:41And what's Jack going to think's been going on between the pair of us for me to buy you something like this?
14:46He'll think we're Lebanon.
14:50You're right, I'll have to give them back.
14:52Mind you, it does seem awful to have to let them go.
14:56Couldn't you say you bought them for yourself?
14:58Well, that's what Parkin said, but I mean, spending all this money on meself, Jack'd half kill me.
15:03If you ask me, Parkin's still carrying a torch for you.
15:07In fact, looking at what these cost, he's carrying a bonfire.
15:11I don't think so. He just bought me something for old times' sake.
15:15Far more must have happened in those old times than you've been letting on.
15:19Rubbish.
15:20Next thing, he'll be asking you to model them for him.
15:24Just for old times' sake.
15:26Give up.
15:28Mark my words, mate, he's moving in on you.
15:34Mum, there's been a phone call from Lady Lawrence.
15:38Lady Lawrence? Well, I hope you were polite and took a proper message after all the trouble you've caused.
15:43She said she's expecting a Leo this afternoon.
15:47Leo? Who the heck's that?
15:49Well, he's coming in horsebox, so expect his horse.
15:53Not necessarily. With a name like Leo, it might be the groom.
15:57I've told you before, you must take proper messages when you answer the phone.
16:01I don't think it's the groom. She said we could give it a bucket of water and so may.
16:08Pull your hat down.
16:12There's the three and six, Vera. Thank you for bringing them and for doing the sink.
16:17My late husband couldn't stand a septic sink.
16:21He was an engine driver, you know.
16:23Yes, Vera, you mentioned it before.
16:26Well, I must get on with my work. I mustn't stand gossiping to you all day.
16:30See you, Nan. Thank you, Vera.
16:32Oh, and I'm sorry I didn't knock on your door.
16:35I know what a fussy pot you are in that respect.
16:44Morning, Vera. Morning, Vera.
16:46I've just been giving Mr Parkin the cobbling what Harry done to him.
16:50He was grateful.
16:52I think he's a very kind and caring person, deep down.
16:56You must bring out a different side in him.
16:58No, really. I think he'd do anything for anyone.
17:02You should see the beautiful silk underwear he's bought for me.
17:12Hey, what's she talking about?
17:15Nothing. I think she's a bit balmy.
17:18She's just said that Parkin's bought silk underwear for my wife.
17:22Did she? Oh, I didn't hear.
17:24She must have been mistaken.
17:26Buying silk underwear for my wife?
17:29I'll kill him.
17:31Jack, look, don't you think you ought to ask her about it first?
17:34I mean, after all, she might have a perfectly reasonable explanation.
17:38Listen, there's nothing normal about another man
17:41buying silk underwear for my wife.
17:43Jack, you know what you're like.
17:45All right, I'll ask her first.
17:47Then I'll kill them both.
17:50You mustn't do anything hasty.
17:52Just for you, I'll kill them slowly.
17:55Me! Where are you?
17:57Me!
17:59Me!
18:01Me! What's been going on?
18:04What are you hiding from me?
18:06Nothing.
18:07What's this I hear about Parkin buying you silk underwear?
18:10Well, it's not like what you think, Jack.
18:13Come on, give it to me.
18:20Well, May asked Parkin to buy them for you.
18:31For me?
18:33As a surprise.
18:35Oh, they're nice.
18:39Just your colour.
18:42Yeah, they match your eyes.
18:44Shut up, you two.
18:47May asked Parkin to get them for her to wear as a surprise.
18:51For you, Jack.
18:54For me?
18:56Oh, dear, oh, dear.
18:59There'll be a hot time in the railway cottages tonight.
19:05Is this true, May?
19:07Gospel.
19:08Well, why didn't you get them yourself?
19:10Why?
19:12Well, she couldn't leave the bar to go to Clumberfield.
19:15If you'd gone on Saturday, you could have got them then.
19:18She couldn't wait.
19:21Oh, don't be silly, Ethel, you're embarrassing us both.
19:25Couldn't we?
19:32Well, I go to the foot of our step.
19:35You'll need to go a bit further than that, little child.
19:40Er...
19:43Harry, shut up.
19:45It's got nothing to do with you. Now, off you go.
19:47OK, OK, OK.
19:49Oh, by the way, the shunt I brought round all spots.
19:52I thought somebody might like to give the Gigi a bucket of water.
19:55If you've not got other things on your mind.
20:07Well, I'll just go and see to the horse, then.
20:12I expect you two would like to be left alone.
20:23There's no need to go, Ethel.
20:26I, er...
20:28I don't know what to say.
20:30Neither do I.
20:32Well, it's a bit embarrassing.
20:34Are you telling me?
20:36I, er... I had all sorts of wrong thoughts in me mind.
20:39Oh, I don't want you to get carried away just because of these.
20:43Oh, no, no, not those sort of wrong thoughts.
20:47Well, them as well.
20:49They're nice, aren't they?
20:51Oh, yes. I thought you'd like them.
20:53It's the sort of thing Rita Ayworth used to wear.
20:56Oh, Betty Grable.
20:58Are you, er...
21:00..sort of busy later on?
21:03Oh, yes, I've got the oven to clean.
21:07Oh, well, I could ask Parkin for the afternoon off.
21:10Oh, no, I don't think Mr Parkin would like both of us to be away the whole afternoon.
21:15Well, perhaps Vera would stand in for me for an hour or two.
21:19Make it two.
21:24LAUGHTER
21:27You know, Wilfred, you're going to have to pull yourself together.
21:30Well, I do try, Mum.
21:32I know you do, if only you could succeed once in a while.
21:38Now, don't open the door too wide.
21:40We don't want the horse to get out, do we?
21:47SCREAMING
21:49Open the door! Open the door!
21:52What the heck was that?
21:54I think it was a lion. So do I.
21:56I'll walk through the crack.
21:58Be careful.
22:00SCREAMING
22:02It is a lion.
22:04You said we were to give a bucket of water to a horse.
22:08Perhaps the lion ate him.
22:12What are we going to do?
22:14I think we ought to tell someone.
22:18Jack! Jack!
22:20Jack! Jack!
22:24I'm just topping this parcel off.
22:26There's a lion in this waggon.
22:28There'll be one in my bedroom in a minute.
22:31Jack, I'm not kidding.
22:33Neither am I.
22:35You stop here, Wilfred. I'll go and fetch Mr Parkin.
22:39And whatever you do, don't let him out.
22:46Good boy. Good boy.
22:49Would you like a nice old-fashioned mint on, Bug?
22:54Sit! Sit!
22:56Harry! Harry!
23:00What's up?
23:02There's a ruddy grey lion in this waggon!
23:05Any more cheek out of you, I'll clip your ear.
23:15Mr Parkin! Mr Parkin!
23:17Oh, dear.
23:19Mr Parkin!
23:21Mr Parkin!
23:23Mrs Shuman, how many times must I tell you to knock before you come in?
23:27Oh, I can't be bothered with all that rubbish.
23:30There's a wild animal down the yard.
23:33Wild animal? Are you sure, Mrs Shuman?
23:35Well, of course I'm sure. There's a lion in a horse box.
23:39Good heavens. I'd better ring district office.
23:42Yes, and you'd better tell them to send a vet with one of them tantalising darts.
23:48Chop, chop, young man.
23:50Come along there. Are you all right?
23:52Oh, good. Oh, excuse me.
23:55Excuse me, I've come to collect Leo.
23:57I think you'll need something a bit stronger than that.
24:00Nonsense. If he thinks you've got a lump of sugar in your pocket,
24:03he'll follow you anywhere.
24:05Thank goodness I haven't got pockets.
24:07Did you give him a bucket of water?
24:09Well, he didn't seem to be too thirsty.
24:11He'll be fine when he hears my voice.
24:13Ah, Mrs Shuman.
24:15I've notified district office and they're sending a vet.
24:17Mr Parkin, if you've got any sugar in your pocket,
24:20I'd leave it in the refreshment room.
24:27Quiet, boy.
24:29Can somebody help me, please?
24:32Wilfred, have you seen the wife?
24:34I've not been looking.
24:36When you see her, tell her I want to speak to her.
24:38Urgently.
24:41I wonder what Jack's doing, changing at this time of day.
24:45That's none of your business.
24:47You watch for the signals.
24:49Get in an early night, Jack.
24:52Don't be caught.
24:59Oh, Leo.
25:01You're scared, aren't you?
25:03No, I'm not.
25:05I'm not scared.
25:07Oh, Leo.
25:09He's a bit frisky.
25:11Who's a lovely boy, then?
25:14You're right.
25:16He did recognise your voice.
25:19What's in that box?
25:21It's a lion.
25:23Oh, a lion.
25:25Whatever happened to my horse, then?
25:27There's some bones on the floor.
25:29Bones?
25:31Ah!
25:34Control yourself, please.
25:36Oh, my baby, my baby!
25:38Me?
25:40Where are you?
25:46We had a word with the shunter about half an hour ago.
25:49He's got another horse box down at Nossington Basset.
25:52He thinks he might have mixed them up.
25:55Of course they've mixed up the boxes.
25:57Your horse is perfectly safe, I'm sure.
25:59Thank heavens for that.
26:01Betty?
26:02Yes?
26:03Can we keep the lion?
26:04Oh, don't be ridiculous.
26:05I'd look after it.
26:07Oh, don't talk rubbish.
26:08What would you feed it on?
26:10He could have my rabbit.
26:13Oh!
26:14Go to the car.
26:16Oh, come on.
26:18I was in the station.
26:20I had all sorts of commotion.
26:21What's going on?
26:22There's been a bit of a confusion, I'm afraid.
26:24Mrs Schumann, get on to the district and tell them to sort this out.
26:27Shall I cancel the vet with the tantalising darts?
26:30Hey, get up here at once or I'll start without you.
26:34No, Mrs Schumann, don't cancel him.
26:37I think we may have a job for him.
27:01Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
27:04There once were lots of trains to catch, but soon there will be none.
27:08I'll have to buy a bike, cos I can't afford a car.
27:12Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are.
27:16Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
27:20There once were lots of trains to catch, but soon there will be none.
27:24I'll have to buy a bike, cos I can't afford a car.
27:28Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are.