Oh, Doctor Beeching! - 101 [couchtripper][U]
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00:30It's ten to eight, it's time you were all up and about.
01:00Oh, sorry, I'll be there in a minute.
01:02Where's that boy of yours, Wilfred?
01:04Is he not there? I put his breakfast on the table twenty minutes ago.
01:09Two rashers and a fried egg.
01:11Wilfred!
01:13He won't want his breakfast. If he does, he'll never keep it down.
01:18It was quarter three in the morning when he came home,
01:21then he couldn't find the right house.
01:23He chucked gravel at my window.
01:25I see. Thought your look had changed, did you?
01:28It was the same last Wednesday, half past two in the morning.
01:33Oh, no, it wasn't. It was half past twelve.
01:36Well, he'd had a skinful. His shoes were still in my garden the next morning.
01:40That's Harry Lambert to blame. He leads him astray.
01:43He's not the only one who leads astray, is he, Vera?
01:47I heard that.
01:49Morning, Harry. Morning, Harry.
01:51There's a queue outside your booking office.
01:55Oh, heck!
02:01Sorry I'm late. I'm only been a minute.
02:04What's happened to Ethel this morning?
02:06She's having a bit of trouble with Wilfred.
02:08So you're still the acting stationmaster, then?
02:10Aye, but not for much longer. The new man arrives today.
02:13How's your wife? She's fine.
02:15She's in Buffy, hotting up her own.
02:17I saw her in Boston on Saturday.
02:19Boston, Saturday? Who was she with? Was it a man?
02:22Excuse me. Are you going to open this booking office?
02:26The 7.59 is due in four minutes.
02:28Not till I get my new signal cloth, is it?
02:31I am not touching them levers with this thing any more.
02:34Oh, Harry, don't make a fuss.
02:36Ethel will give you one when she gets here.
02:38Oh, will she?
02:40I asked her for one last night.
02:43She locked up the signing book.
02:46You know how fussy she is when it comes to procedure?
02:49Excuse me, sir. This man, did he have fair curly hair?
02:52I don't know. He had his hat on.
02:54Excuse me. The 7.59 is now due in three minutes.
02:58It's sorry it's late, aren't you, Wilfred?
03:00Tell Mr Skinner you're sorry.
03:02I'm sorry I'm late, Mr Skinner.
03:04Well, let a young'un get cracking on them brasses, it gents, what's it?
03:07Have you got an aspirin?
03:09You don't need an aspirin to clean brasses. Get on with it.
03:12Oh, and Ethel, give Harry his signal cloth, for God's sake.
03:15I can't just give it to him. He's got to sign for it.
03:18Well, give him the book, then.
03:22Excuse me. I believe the 7.59 is now waiting to come into the station.
03:27Well, it's going to have to wait, isn't it?
03:29It will not move till I get back in my box.
03:34Here's your cloth and here's the book. Sign.
03:41Why don't you use a pair of gloves to pull the little lever?
03:46Because I use a cloth.
03:59Ah, he's woke up at last.
04:01Now...
04:03Oh, now, come on, pay attention.
04:05Now, when you start off, don't be heavy-handed.
04:10You've just got to sort of urge it.
04:15Just give it a gentle touch.
04:25Sorry!
04:27What's the line?
04:32Tickets, please. Tickets, please. Thank you.
04:37Tickets, please. Tickets, please. Thank you, madam.
04:41Have a nice day.
04:43Don't be American.
04:48Huntley! Huntley!
04:50Change here for Bushnan and Webster.
05:03You've overshot her, General.
05:06You've got to use judgment.
05:08Shall I back her up?
05:10No, please. Here, give me that.
05:14Sorry, Mr Skinner.
05:16I should think so and all.
05:18All my best passengers have been inconvenienced.
05:21It's Ralph. He just hasn't got the touch.
05:24He doesn't learn. You'd never make a driver.
05:27Well, why do you let him do it?
05:29Superintendent Scott says he's got to be instructed.
05:32And so, instructed he's going to be.
05:35But I'm a bundle of nerves.
05:37Every time he touches that regulator,
05:39the doctor's got me on pills for it.
05:41You'd better be off. You're behind time.
05:43Right away!
05:45WHISTLE BLOWS
05:50No! Leave it alone.
05:52I'll do it.
05:57Ralph! You've still got the brake on!
06:00Get off! Get off!
06:03Take it easy, Arnold!
06:05Hello!
06:07Hello, Percy.
06:09Hello, Percy.
06:11Oh, well, hang on a minute.
06:13Here, there's a couple of pounds of plums for Mrs Prosser.
06:16She's been in bed for a week.
06:18Well, them's ought to get the moving.
06:20Are you going to the dance on Saturday?
06:22Well, I might. Are you?
06:24Well, I might.
06:25Well, I might see you then.
06:27Yes, you might.
06:29Sure.
06:40Quick, give us a cup of tea, May.
06:42It's been one of them mornings.
06:44Oh, dear. Is it Wolfred again?
06:46Yes, but it's not his fault.
06:49That's Harry Lambert leads him astray.
06:51That boy needs a father.
06:53I know. It's getting too much for me.
06:55He's grown so big, he's too high for me to eat.
06:59I expect it's the foreign blood in him.
07:02What do you mean, foreign blood?
07:04Oh, with a name like Schumann, that husband of yours must have been foreign.
07:07Was he a German?
07:08He was an American.
07:10Oh, American.
07:11Well, they come in all sorts, don't they?
07:13Swedes, high ties, red Indians.
07:18He was not a red Indian.
07:20Oh, he was lovely.
07:22You'd have talked to him, May.
07:24Oh, he was ever so handsome.
07:26Was he?
07:27Young Wolfred's took after you then, I suppose.
07:31Did the Yanks give you a widow's pension?
07:33Well, it's still being decided.
07:35What, after 17 years?
07:37Well, it was right at the end of the war, you see.
07:39His unit was in an ammunition dump, destroying German shells and them sort of things.
07:44Well, there was a big explosion, and he went missing.
07:48Do you think they put the bits together by now?
07:53Give us a cup of tea, please, my love.
07:55I've been talking to Mr Fairfax. He was on the 759 this morning.
07:59Oh, yeah?
08:00Yeah. He said he saw you in Boston on Saturday.
08:04Oh, yeah?
08:05Yeah. He said you were talking to a man with a man's hat on.
08:09Oh. Then it must have been a man.
08:12The market's full of them on a Saturday.
08:17Who was it, then?
08:18I don't know. I talk to a lot of men.
08:20Here, put your own sugar in.
08:25Jack, come here. I want a word.
08:28Here.
08:30Why do you always cross-question her so?
08:33Don't you trust her?
08:35Of course I trust her.
08:36I just want to know where she's been, what she's been up to and why, that's all.
08:41What are you worried about?
08:43She loves you.
08:44Does she? Do you really think so?
08:46Well, she married you.
08:48What's that got to do with it? She was only a kid then.
08:51And what a looker.
08:53What's that got to do with it? She was only a kid then.
08:56And what a looker.
08:58Well, she's a lovely-looking woman now.
09:02Exactly. And she's still got a lot going for her.
09:04All the men try to chatter her up.
09:06If you were in my position, wouldn't you be jealous?
09:08The trouble with you is you're paranormal.
09:14Paranormal? What's that mean?
09:16Well, I'm not quite sure, but it sort of means you're insecure.
09:20Now, Jack, you could be doing much better for yourself, you know.
09:23When Mr Armwell retired, why didn't you apply for the stationmaster's job?
09:29Oh, that sort of life's not for me, Ethel. I don't like responsibility.
09:32I don't like bossing people about.
09:34You boss my Wilfred about.
09:36He needs bossing about.
09:38Can I have my dinner money, please, Mum?
09:40Ask your father.
09:41Dad, can I have my dinner money?
09:43All right, I heard.
09:44Hey, you're not cycling to college dressed like that, are you?
09:48Oh, don't be so old-fashioned, Jack.
09:50She looks lovely. Everybody's wearing them.
09:53But you can see her essentials. Talk to her, Maeve.
09:55Oh, let her alone.
09:57How's she ever going to get a job as your secretary, dressed like that?
10:00With no effort at all.
10:02Don't you be cheeky to your father. He's just asking for trouble.
10:05Oh, don't be such an old buspot.
10:08Dressed like that, she's asking for it.
10:10Give over.
10:12I wore short skirts when I was her age.
10:14People said I was asking for it.
10:17Didn't get it, though.
10:20Mum!
10:22You got him.
10:24Well, the Americans came over, didn't they?
10:27There's a man on the phone. He wants an appointment.
10:29All right, I'm coming.
10:31Oh, what time's a 9.10 due?
10:349.10.
10:35Oh, God.
10:36Wilfred, here.
10:41Hey, that was a lovely cup of tea, Maeve.
10:44Give us a kiss.
10:45Oh, give over. It's not even dinner time.
10:48Go and blow your whistle or something.
10:50All right, I'm going.
10:52And, Jack...
10:53What?
10:54Get your hair cut.
10:55It's hanging down over your collar at the back.
10:57I'll get Annie to do it this morning.
11:04Hadley Booking Office?
11:06Oh, hello, Mr Shawcross.
11:08Do you want a haircut?
11:10Yes, just a minute. I'll get the hair-cutting book.
11:15Oh, no, that's the betting book.
11:19Oh, here we are.
11:21Yes, it hardly seems a month since you had the last one.
11:25Yes, it does grow faster in the summer.
11:28Let's hope it doesn't fall out in the autumn.
11:32Oh, yes, oh, here we are.
11:34How would half-past one on Thursday suit you?
11:38I'd better just see if it's all right with Harry.
11:40Can you hold on?
11:45Morning, Harry.
11:46Hello, Jack.
11:47Take a seat. I'll be with you in a minute.
11:49Here you are.
11:51It's the best I can do under the circumstances.
11:55There's another stray hair or two I'd like to bring across the top,
11:59but you'll have to grow it another half-inch first.
12:03Answer that for me, will you, Jack?
12:05That'll be half a pound.
12:08Hadley Box.
12:10Oh, hello, Ethel.
12:11Hello.
12:14Here you are.
12:15Harry, Ethel says can you do Mr Shawcross 130 on Thursday?
12:18She knows I've got the 130 goods to Wenstead on a Thursday.
12:23Ask him to make it 145.
12:25Make it 145.
12:26And put it in the book.
12:27And put it in the book.
12:28Ta-ra.
12:31May says I need a trim.
12:33I think she wants me to impress that new station master.
12:35Oh, yeah? What's his name?
12:37Er, Settle Parking.
12:40Don't forget your tomatoes.
12:46Something for the weekend.
12:48Oh, no, not you, no.
12:50Tomatoes, eightpence a pound.
12:52You must be making a fortune.
12:54Have you seen the price of fertiliser?
12:56Don't tell me you pay for it.
12:58You don't get nothing for nothing from that coal man.
13:01He stands by the horse ready with a bucket.
13:05Morning, Jack.
13:06Morning, Vera.
13:07Morning, Harry.
13:08How much are your Bramleys?
13:10Who's up there?
13:11One and a penny a pound.
13:13They stay like robbery.
13:15You don't have to buy them.
13:17Give us a pound.
13:18I love a bit of stewed apple, don't you, Jack?
13:21I'm passionate about it.
13:23Harry, I brought you a drop of soup for your dinner.
13:26It's lovely. Smell.
13:29I hate soup.
13:30There's nothing in it.
13:32It's all thin.
13:33It's all thick with little bits floating on top.
13:36I hate little bits.
13:37They get stuck in me teeth.
13:39Oh, it's lovely.
13:41I made it with a bit of oxtail left over from last night.
13:44I don't fancy oxtail.
13:46I know where it's been.
13:48You don't look after yourself, Harry Lambert.
13:51I'll leave it on the side in case you change your mind.
13:55My late husband used to love my soup.
13:58He was an engine driver.
14:00We know, Vera. You've told us before.
14:02When we was courting,
14:04he used to whistle every time he passed my cottage.
14:07Six times a day he used to whistle me.
14:10That's a lot to whistle.
14:12Thanks.
14:13I was turning out my drawers last night
14:16and I come across this photograph of him
14:19that I hadn't seen for years.
14:22He don't look very well, does he?
14:24Well, he's been ill a long time.
14:26Why is his eyes closed?
14:28Cos he was in his coffin.
14:31In his coffin? What's he doing in there?
14:34He was dead.
14:37Well, that explains it, then.
14:39Hey, Harry, Mr Leatherhead's downstairs.
14:41He's got a puncture in his back wheel.
14:43Tell him to leave his bike down there
14:45and I'll mend it when I get a minute.
14:47He won't see to it now. He's got to go to work.
14:49Well, that's his problem.
14:51I'm rushed off my feet this morning.
14:53It's a good job we don't get many trains.
14:55All right, I'll tell him.
14:57You'll have to watch your step, you know, Harry,
14:59when that new stationmaster gets here.
15:01I've seen him come and I've seen him go.
15:05He don't bother me.
15:07He starts poking his nose round here,
15:09you get the stiff end of my tongue.
15:11Oh, Harry, you are bold.
15:14I do admire a man with guts.
15:17HE GROANS
15:19There's his train!
15:22He can move when he wants to.
15:24Oh, he's a very elegant man.
15:26He reminds me sometimes of Fred Astaire.
15:29Or was it Buster Keaton?
15:32Well, don't stay in there, Galtwin.
15:34Help me clear up this stuff.
15:36Speak about that hair, will you?
15:38What about my haircut?
15:40I'll be in touch.
15:47Oh, Wilfred, love, how's your head?
15:50It's still throbbing, ma'am.
15:52Here, take a couple of aspirins.
15:54Oi, this is no time for eating sweets.
15:56Go and put your porter's hat on and look at your hands.
15:59He hasn't had time to wash them, poor lad.
16:01You've brushed him off his feet all day.
16:03All day? It's only ten o'clock now.
16:05Be off with you.
16:07Oh, Jack, when the new stationmaster arrives,
16:10shall we all stand in line to greet him?
16:12There's only you here. You can't have a line with one person.
16:15Get in the booking office.
16:18DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
16:23Oi, are you listening to me, Ralph?
16:26Yeah. When I give the word, you apply the brakes.
16:30Are you ready?
16:36Now!
16:38All aboard the next train!
16:41Pass me! Pass me!
16:43Take here the Boston and West End!
16:54Sorry, Mr Skinner!
16:56It's Ralph again!
17:05Good morning, Mr Parkin. May I introduce myself?
17:07I know who you are. You're Mr Skinner.
17:09Yes, well, welcome to Hampstead. Just a minute, please.
17:14Who's driving this train?
17:17Go, Ralph. He's undergoing tuition.
17:20How many times have I told you not to touch that valve, Ralph?
17:23You're not qualified.
17:25Right away, Mr Parkin. Yes, get rid of it. Right away!
17:29Sorry, sir. That were me that time.
17:35Percy!
17:37Did Mrs Cussing get the plums?
17:39She said thank you.
17:41Oh, and she said you had a kind heart.
17:44You have to. Oh, thanks ever so.
17:47Well, I might see you Saturday then.
17:49Might.
17:54You, boy. Who are you? Wilfred Shearman.
17:57Why have you got your hands in your pockets?
17:59Cos they're on, won't you?
18:01He's been sweeping up, Mr Parkin. I've told him to smarten himself up.
18:04Yes, I can see there are one or two things around here that need attending to.
18:07That's right, Mr Parkin. Wilfred, was it?
18:10Harry, you know that man you gave a haircut to this morning?
18:14You know, the bald one?
18:17Well, his wife rang up to complain.
18:19She said it was too short.
18:22His hair was too short.
18:25This is the waiting room and this is where people wait.
18:28I can't talk any more. I've got to go.
18:30This is the booking office and this is the booking office clerk, Mrs Shearman.
18:33How do you do? Another Shearman.
18:35Oh, Wilfred's my little boy.
18:37She's my mum.
18:39Yes, this is very much a family concern, Mr Parkin.
18:41My wife, Mrs Skinner, runs the buffet.
18:43I see.
18:45Well, I'll meet her later.
18:48Perhaps you'd like to show me my office?
18:50What office?
18:52The stationmaster's office, of course.
18:54Oh, they never use it. They're mostly stopping here with us.
18:57Well, I should be using it. I trust you have no objection to me looking into it?
19:00No. None at all.
19:04It's locked. Give me the key, Mrs Shearman.
19:06Well, I haven't got it. There's not been one since I've been here.
19:09Well, look in the key drawer.
19:11Wilfred, the keys.
19:15B.O.
19:17Booking office.
19:20G.U.
19:22That'll be the gents, what's it?
19:26F.O.
19:28And what is that?
19:30You've got me there.
19:32Great office.
19:34Here's another. S.M.O.R.E.
19:36S.M.O.R.E.?
19:39Stationmaster's office.
19:41I'll take it.
19:50I told you it hadn't been used for a long time.
19:55Hey, that'll come in handy for my geranium.
19:59Oh.
20:01Oh, this is disgraceful.
20:03A tidy office denotes a tidy mind.
20:05I shudder to think what sort of stationmaster you've had here in the past.
20:09Look at these windows. They're filthy.
20:11Well, we clean them on the outside.
20:13Let's get some air in here, for goodness' sake.
20:18Ooh! Look at the terrible mess.
20:22Someone ought to clear this up.
20:24Oh, you'll be Mr Parking, I suppose, the new stationmaster.
20:28I'm Harry Lambert, the signalman.
20:30I know.
20:32I notice there are a lot of tomato plants around your signal box.
20:35Yeah, they grow wild.
20:37Of course there are.
20:39There ain't fence about.
20:41There ain't any shops.
20:43I think you'd better get back to your box, Mr Lambert.
20:45Yes, Mr Parking.
20:47Ready for your inspection any time, day or night.
20:51We'll soon get this place tidied up, won't we, Mr Skinner?
20:54Yeah.
20:56We'll soon get this place tidied up.
20:58Mr Parking, there's a letter for you.
21:00There can't be, Mrs Shuman.
21:02Well, it's addressed to the stationmaster.
21:04Give it to me, please.
21:09Paper knife.
21:16Oh, would you read it for me, Mrs Shuman?
21:18I haven't got my glasses.
21:20Oh, it's dated September 1939.
21:25Regulation for conveyance of explosives by rail
21:28during hostilities to be displayed on the notice board.
21:32Shall I put it up?
21:36Have you got me dinner ready, me love?
21:38Where have you been? It's nearly half past one.
21:40Oh, it's that new stationmaster.
21:42He's been making a lot of notes and poking his nose in.
21:44You'll never guess what he's just made me do.
21:46Put clean water in the fire bucket.
21:48He thinks dirty water won't put fire out.
21:52Here.
21:54I've been keeping it warm for an hour.
21:56I'm afraid the gravy's a bit set.
21:58Oh, I'm not pushing me. Oh, you're a treasure.
22:00Give me a kiss.
22:02Oh, you mouthful of mashed potatoes.
22:04Is there anybody out here serving?
22:06Oh, that's his nibs. Don't tell him I'm here.
22:10That clock's five minutes fast.
22:12Can I help you, sir?
22:14Oh, yes. Am I too late for something to...
22:16May!
22:18Cecil.
22:20Cecil Livern. Breathe, May Blancheflower.
22:22No.
22:24May Skinner.
22:26Skinner? You mean you're married to that...
22:30He was good to me, Cecil.
22:32He was there when I needed him.
22:34When other people let me down.
22:36Well, I couldn't help it.
22:38I was called up, May.
22:40Just a minute.
22:44Is he gone?
22:46No. He wants a ham sandwich.
22:48Give him one of them curly ones.
22:52I do not do curly sandwiches.
22:54I'll shut the door.
23:00I have to be very careful.
23:02My husband is a very jealous man.
23:04He's a very lucky man.
23:06You had your chance.
23:08I asked you to marry me, May.
23:10When?
23:12I never heard you.
23:14Well, it must have been the organ.
23:16It's very loud.
23:18You've got the front door key.
23:20What are you doing back here?
23:22They've cancelled this afternoon's classes.
23:24Oh, can I borrow your rollers?
23:26Yes.
23:28Put them back when you've finished with them.
23:30Bye.
23:32Is that your daughter?
23:34It is.
23:36How old is she?
23:38Just 18.
23:40Don't worry.
23:46But, May, we were...
23:48Yes, Cecil, we were.
23:50And is she...
23:52What do you think?
23:54You'd better have a brandy.
23:56Yes, I think I could do with one.
24:00Bottoms up.
24:04Please.
24:06Come in.
24:10Come.
24:12They're just coming, Mr Parkin.
24:14I told them all to be here at six.
24:16Thank you, Mrs Schuman.
24:18Well, um...
24:20You've met everyone now?
24:22Yes.
24:24Mrs Skinner's nice, isn't she?
24:26Yes.
24:28She's very pretty, isn't she?
24:30Mind you, she's much younger than him.
24:32Between you and me,
24:34it's a bit of a scenario. Circumstances.
24:38Mind you, she's very fond of him
24:40and he's very good to her.
24:42It's sort of beauty and the beast, really.
24:46Not that Mr Skinner's a beast.
24:48He's lovely, but he does have a lot to put up with.
24:52She puts herself about a bit,
24:54if you know what I mean.
24:56Come in.
25:00Do you want a shower, Mr Parkin?
25:02Six-fifteen is due in at six-fifteen.
25:06It can be on time.
25:08Yes, come in, Mr Lambert.
25:10Hurry them up, Mrs Schuman.
25:12Yes, Mr Parkin. Mr Parkin says...
25:14Come in, everybody. Now, look lively, Wilson.
25:16Come on.
25:18Good evening, everybody.
25:20This won't take long. I'll be as brief as possible.
25:22I'm sorry again about that, Steve, sir,
25:24but it comes up in a rush sometimes.
25:26Woof!
25:28Mr Parkin does not want to know
25:30your technicalities.
25:32Now, I have been on this station for eight hours
25:34and I am far from happy
25:36at what has been revealed to me.
25:38I expect you are, Mr Parkin.
25:42Well, we knew you were coming late,
25:44but we didn't want to put on a special show for you,
25:46so you just tell us what you want done
25:48and it'll be done in a trice.
25:50In a frice.
25:52Now, the standard of cleanliness at this station
25:54leaves a lot to be desired.
25:56Not your buffet, of course, Mrs Skinner.
25:58Thank you, Mr Parkin.
26:00Now, then, who is responsible for the clocks?
26:02I am, Mr Parkin.
26:04Monday's winding day.
26:06Well, could you possibly get them all to agree
26:08the passengers rely on them and we must not let them down?
26:10No.
26:12It's very important not to let anybody down,
26:14isn't it, Mr Parkin?
26:16Yes, of course.
26:18Now, look, I'm not going to beat about the bush.
26:20When I arrived here this morning,
26:22I was appalled at the state of this station.
26:24It's just not up to the right standard.
26:26Now, I have worked for 16 years to reach my position,
26:28and when I got off that train this morning,
26:30I had achieved my goal.
26:32Station master.
26:34And I am determined to make this station
26:36the pride of the line.
26:38I'm sorry to interrupt,
26:40but the evening paper's just arrived.
26:42Who are you?
26:44I'm Vera. I live in Railway Cottages.
26:46That's right. She lives next door to me.
26:48Yes, I'm sorry, Mr Parkin.
26:50This is Vera Plumtree.
26:52Her late husband was an engine driver.
26:54This is our respected engine driver, Mr Parkin.
26:56Very gentle on the brakes.
27:00Well, this is a private meeting, Mrs Plumtree.
27:02If you'll please wait outside.
27:04But this is headline.
27:06What headline?
27:08What are you talking about?
27:10Beeching Axis Railways.
27:1267,000 jobs to go.
27:142,000 stations to close.
27:16How many?
27:182,000 stations.
27:202,000 stations?
27:22That's 2,000 signal boxes.
27:2667,000 jobs?
27:282,000 stations.
27:30I wonder if we're on the list.
27:32I tell you what, Mr Skinner,
27:34you're needing to change the water in them fire buckets.
27:36Yeah, of course.
27:52Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
27:54There once were lots of trains to catch,
27:56but soon there will be none.
27:58I'll have to buy a bike,
28:00cos I can't afford a car.
28:02Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are.
28:04Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
28:06There once were lots of trains to catch,
28:08but soon there will be none.
28:10I'll have to buy a bike,
28:12cos I can't afford a car.
28:14Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are.
28:16Oh, Dr Beeching, what have you done?
28:18There once were lots of trains to catch,
28:20but soon there will be none.
28:22I'll have to buy a bike,
28:24cos I can't afford a car.
28:26Oh, Dr Beeching, what a naughty man you are.