Magnificent Evans - 106 [couchtripper][U]
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00:30The Journal of Rachel Harris, being an account of the life and actions of her fiancé and
00:59employer, Plantagenet Evans, photographer and genius. The work here is full of variety,
01:07he being a firm believer in keeping his staff involved in every new activity. Plenty of
01:13fresh air and exercise is the order of the day, and the training includes tending to
01:18the needs not only of Mr Evans himself, but also of his most prized possession, after
01:24me of course, an antique car of uncertain temperament and colossal thirst. It's full of weeds! Well,
01:35that's life, my girl. Bright to the waters of existence, but full of weeds. Deuteronomy 725.
01:41God, how I hate these shortcomings of internal combustion. If I weren't so damn idle, I'd pedal
01:51the bike. Become known extensively for handsome calves. Be careful, Willie! That's a powerful
02:02large hiss for such a little Welsh person. It's not him, then, it's the steam. Oh, glad
02:09about that I am. I'd never know a moment's peace of mind, working with a chauffeur at
02:13that sort of temperature. You shouldn't be playing with boiling steam. You could have
02:18gone up like a rocket. Oh, rocket now, is it? Not only a large hiss, but a fiery tail.
02:24Oh, he's a dark horse, is that Willie? Masquerading behind that convincing air of twilight in
02:31the mental processes. All the time he's got this fiery tail. I don't know why you don't
02:37buy a new car. What? Abandon this fine old machine? Collector's item. Yes, refuse collector.
02:48I've got one past us, I hope you'll let him have it. Do you want all this pouring in?
02:53Weeds and all? Yes, proceed. Little green salad never heard any engine of this quality.
03:00What's quality? What's it always boiling for? Oh, for the lack of a few minor adjustments
03:06at the sympathetic hands of a mechanical wizard. Can he do radiators? Oh, he'll get the hang of it.
03:16I've every confidence he'll get the hang of it, because if he doesn't,
03:20he's going to get my boot up his fiery tail.
03:40I hate the tendency this world has to develop a rattle.
03:46Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop!
03:53Come on, let's show him to Jim. Did you hear what he said? No, I can't hear a thing for this godforsaken rattle.
03:58Do you think he wants something? He shouldn't be soliciting for charity on a bicycle,
04:05standing on a street corner with a box around his neck. Stop, Willie, stop, the poor man may be in trouble.
04:10I don't think he's collecting. Not from me, he's not. I've been caught like that before.
04:20A pound they wanted for a young girl in need of care. Well, it sounded reasonable, but I'm still waiting for mine.
04:30Jew, Jew, glad I caught you. What? I thought you'd like to know you've got a rattle.
04:41Yes!
04:49Your own sister across the street.
04:54Listen, I can hear a rattle. Exactly, and I won't have you going the same way.
05:03He's coming closer.
05:10Ah, there we are, home once again to our little love nest.
05:27Now, Mr Evans, you know very well that your rooms and mine are in no way connected.
05:33Oh, there's flagrant your own flesh. Oh, don't look, man. You know what the doctor said? Scoundrelous.
05:48But is she happy? I hope not. You can forgive people anything but that.
05:55That could have been you if you hadn't met me.
05:58Huh? Well, um, I'm a stadion influence.
06:09Do you think there could be a wildness in me?
06:14I'm glad your temper's improved. Oh, yes, cheered repeatedly I am by the quiet joys of life.
06:29Passing Little Chapel, was it? No, no. A spring-like weather, perhaps? No, no, no. A quiet murmur of the
06:36mountain stream? No, what did it with the pure aesthetic pleasure of hurling rocks at that cyclist?
06:43Great restorative of the human spirit, the simple act of lobbing missiles at some twit?
06:48Well, it's nice to have a hobby. Yes.
06:54I have an essentially sunny disposition. I don't ask much from life.
06:59A glass of wine, the chill taken off my roll on deodorant, and thou beside me on the premises.
07:09Oh, it's our Bron. Oh, I'll be upstairs. I don't want to get embroiled with those two boobies.
07:15No, no, it's only Bron. Those are the two I'm referring to.
07:23What's wrong, Bron? You look pale. I felt I had to ask. Everybody's been asking me for the last
07:30two years. I've told you I'm getting married as soon as I can. Not that. Oh, that makes a change.
07:38What are you looking at me like that for? We have the same blood.
07:46Oh, Bron, what's wrong, love? You don't need an organ transplant, do you?
07:53I do not. I keep my organs in excellent condition.
07:57Thank God for that. I couldn't bear to think of you becoming part stranger.
08:03It's you that's the stranger. Me?
08:05Well, I hardly recognize you. Bron, I'm not a fallen woman.
08:10You wobble in a bit, though, aren't you?
08:17Where does it all come from, this wildness in the blood?
08:21Our blood. Suppose it happens to me. Oh, I shouldn't worry.
08:27Think you're safe enough with Probert? Yes.
08:32If anybody could dampen wildness in the blood, I bet on Probert.
08:36That's true. Oh, that'll be your employer.
08:40Just a moment. I mustn't be seen here.
08:43I feel so exposed him being only two rooms away. He's upstairs.
08:48Upstairs? Upstairs is worse.
08:56Probert? Oh, um, I have to ask,
09:01on account of you both having the same blood... Don't you start.
09:05It's the wildness, you see.
09:10Will it break out in her? That's what I have to ask.
09:15When I come home at night, all upright from municipal duties,
09:22will I find her in black stockings?
09:28Oh, Bron? No, no, I shouldn't think so.
09:32Oh.
09:35But you can't be certain? Well, not absolutely.
09:39Oh, well, no, that's what I thought, you see.
09:45Oh, well, I'll be off then. I hope you don't mind me asking.
09:49No, no. Oh.
09:53If there should be an outbreak of uncontrollable wildness,
09:57I don't suppose there'd be any warning?
10:00Out of the blue it'll come, if I'm lucky.
10:17Have they no idea how tiresome it is, this constant clamour for my autograph?
10:22Harsh indeed are the penalties of fame.
10:27There was a time when I could wander through these streets unrecognised.
10:32Like now. Lloyd George had it too, of course.
10:36I expect that's what drove him to neglect Wales and bury himself in his secretary.
10:43Brantlore cured, is it?
10:44Been through the whole thing like a mechanical wizard, have you?
10:48And they said you'd never do it.
10:57It's coming back to me now, why they said you'd never do it.
11:09You haven't damn well done it, have you?
11:15Good legs, front and back,
11:17which is very convenient if you don't know whether you're coming or going.
11:22And the very jewel of a Welsh behind.
11:26You don't get backsides like that in large metropolitan centres.
11:30I wish you'd be quiet when people are listening.
11:33Nobody's listening, Willie's not listening, he's too far under his hat.
11:37As firm as pomegranates is the chest of my love.
11:41Be quiet, will you?
11:42Don't start talking like that at this wedding we're going to.
11:45Pomegranates indeed.
11:47Why not?
11:48After all, she's marrying a green grocer.
11:50Some girls get all the luck.
11:53Yes, indeed.
11:54All the fresh fruit she can handle.
11:57She doesn't even have to worry about the sell-by date.
12:06Right, now, move towards her.
12:08Closer.
12:09I want this to be one for your grandchildren to marvel at.
12:13We have to capture the special flavour of your special day.
12:17Right, now, groom.
12:20Oh, wake up, one.
12:22He looks in no condition to withstand the rigours fast approaching.
12:26I want you to replace that expression of diminished responsibility
12:30with one of conjugal anticipation.
12:33And ardour.
12:36Is that what you call ardour?
12:38It'll have to be harder than that.
12:42Smile, smile.
12:43You're in an heavens photograph.
12:45Heavens photographic.
12:47The guarantee of something different.
12:50Smile, love, it all looks so uncomfortable.
12:56Uncomfortable?
12:57I'm supposed to be the bride of Idris Thomas,
12:59not the bride of Frankenstein.
13:03Right, all lit?
13:05There we are.
13:07Right, now, bridegroom, over by here with the chief bridesmaid.
13:10Come on, then.
13:14Oh, that's pretty you look, Maggie.
13:17Lovely dress, lovely.
13:20Off-white, is it?
13:21Oh, yes.
13:22Ma'am insisted.
13:24Just takes the edge off it, she says.
13:26Keeps the others guessing.
13:27Check her wearing it to match your complexion or your reputation.
13:31Hey, so do you, this would.
13:34Who's been talking?
13:36No need, is there?
13:37Everybody knows about you and Evans the Flash.
13:39I have my own apartment.
13:41The house has got two separate entrances.
13:44Oh, I know.
13:45Mr. Evans has often been seen entering by both
13:48and not leaving by either.
13:50Oh, we're getting married soon.
13:52Oh, there you are, then.
13:53You can have this dress.
13:54I'll make you a present of it.
13:56Oh, no.
13:57Oh, come on.
13:58I'll only tear it up for dusters.
14:00Oh, I'd love it.
14:02But supposing you, well, you know, need it again?
14:07I'd be a fool to let him go.
14:09Paying trade, green grocery.
14:11I was very careful not to say yes
14:13until I'd had a good look at his audits.
14:16It must be nice to be in trade, settled.
14:23Unfortunately, at the moment,
14:25my career seems to be embracing the visual arts.
14:32Oh, he's got pomegranate in the brain.
14:41Who is it?
14:42You can't come in.
14:43Is that you, Willie?
14:44No, it is I, your wicked landlord.
14:47Come to collect his rent in the usual dastardly manner.
14:51I haven't got any clothes on.
14:53Oh, given up the struggle, have you?
14:58Right, me proud beauty,
15:00let's have a good gander at your rent book.
15:05Good God.
15:09Oh, dear.
15:11You gave me a start.
15:14I thought I was in the wrong room.
15:16Well, you are, really.
15:18This is supposed to be
15:19an unmarried lady's single apartment.
15:23Beautiful you look.
15:25Where'd you get it?
15:26Maggie, this afternoon's assignment.
15:29That's never the same dress.
15:30It is.
15:31No, impossible.
15:32That was just a tawdry,
15:34over-decorated piece of cheap silk.
15:36This is, this is sheer magic.
15:41I think it suits me, dear.
15:43Oh, it could have been made for you.
15:45The line, the form, the colour,
15:48emphasising the sweet Welsh apples of your cheeks.
15:51The smooth sheerness of the material,
15:54the way it flows down over your pomegranates.
15:58I wish you'd stop talking about me
16:00as if I was a basket of fruit to bring them by, Sam.
16:02Oh, I'm sorry.
16:04Truly.
16:05You look radiant.
16:07So I can keep it, okay?
16:10Doesn't she want it back?
16:12No, no, she says she's got him
16:13and she's going to hang on to him.
16:14Oh, not her.
16:16As soon as she finds someone with a bigger turnover,
16:18she'll be off.
16:19I knew her sort.
16:20For richer, for better.
16:21For poorer, forget it.
16:25So, so I can keep it?
16:28What can you possibly want with it?
16:31Well, um, I was hoping you might be interested.
16:37Marry me in it.
16:42And so I shall.
16:45Rachel Mufanwi Harris,
16:48enchanting photographic assistant of this parish.
16:52Will you take unto yourself in marriage
16:54plantagenet Albert Cricketh Evans,
16:58bachelor and sartorial purveyor of portraiture to the masses?
17:02Will you love him, honour him,
17:05comfort him and continue to wear his black stockings
17:12as long as both your legs shall live?
17:16You've proposed to me before.
17:18I know, but this time I mean it.
17:20You mean you didn't mean it before?
17:22Oh, no, no, I always mean it all, Rachel, Rachel.
17:27Listen, Probert can give you away
17:29and Willie can be my best man.
17:30He'll make a wonderful best man.
17:32We'll offer one anyway.
17:34And your sister Bronn will stand outside the church
17:37proud that her sibling Lamb
17:39has at last been gathered into the fold.
17:42She'll wear a dreadful hat.
17:44I know which one it'll be.
17:45I'm sure.
17:46It's got cherries on it.
17:47Yes, it would have.
17:49I shall be resplendent in full morning dress
17:52and you, my love, my dove,
17:55a symphony of purity in your off-white.
18:00You'll be wearing flowers everywhere.
18:03Well, not quite everywhere, I must admit.
18:06And everything will sparkle and shine
18:09in the clean mountain air.
18:11What about Willie?
18:12Oh, we'll put him through the car wash.
18:15And then, oh, Paris for the honeymoon.
18:17Oh, I can't wait.
18:18Oh, say yes, please.
18:20Yes, please.
18:21The point is, when?
18:23Ah, um, after the Eisteddfod.
18:26Oh, that's three months away.
18:28Well, next month then.
18:30This month.
18:31Done.
18:32Oh, I hope so.
18:34Paris.
18:36Oh, I can use my barclay car to buy my trousseau.
18:39Trousseau?
18:40Pretty things to wear on the honeymoon.
18:42Oh.
18:43Well, you won't be needing too many of them, will you?
18:47I mean, you're not planning on going out much, are you?
18:50Eh?
18:52All right.
18:54Yes, ma'am, it's true.
18:57No, it's not a joke.
18:58It's a real invitation.
19:00Yes, a week's Saturday.
19:02Why?
19:03Well, you can wear your blue with a collar.
19:05Is it?
19:07Oh.
19:08Yes, I know, but listen, ma'am.
19:10You've been going on at me about getting married for two years now,
19:12and suddenly you're saying it's all too much of a rush.
19:14I want to do it before he changes his mind.
19:20Oh, God.
19:26Hang on, ma'am.
19:27It's home rule or tool.
19:28I'm going to get rid of him once and for all.
19:32Yes.
19:38You can't be too careful.
19:43Something you ought to bear in mind,
19:44living overexposed as you are with a flash photographer.
19:49Out.
19:50Out?
19:51I've only just come in, ma'am.
19:53It's a nice way to treat a customer, isn't it?
19:55Since when have you been a customer?
19:56You only come in here to nag at me.
19:58I'm standing here considering a purchase, ma'am.
20:01Such as what?
20:02Well, nothing too expensive.
20:03Surprise, surprise.
20:05I can't afford to flitter it away, girl.
20:08I've just been clobbered for a further subscription
20:10to the Revolutionary Book Club.
20:12You have no idea what it costs
20:13keeping up the Revolutionary Book Club.
20:15They're all at it, scribbling away.
20:17They're only mills and boo not on the bandwagon.
20:20Um, I was thinking, uh,
20:24what are you doing a week on Saturday?
20:27I'm getting married.
20:29What?
20:31I'm getting married.
20:32What are you doing?
20:34What am I doing?
20:36I can't tell you that.
20:38My movement's a secret.
20:43Are you gonna buy something or not?
20:48I'll have one of these.
20:49You don't even know what it's for.
20:52Well, I suspect your employer doesn't have the same problem.
20:57Listen, it's not too late.
21:00I mean, I know marriage is bourgeois,
21:03but all right, all right.
21:04I am prepared to offer you
21:06half the best bed in my battle headquarters.
21:09Truth?
21:11Sharing a kitchen with your man?
21:12You must be joking.
21:14Don't go shouting the location.
21:16It's classified information, is that?
21:19Out.
21:19All right, I'm going.
21:22Just have a look.
21:22See, the coast is clear, see?
21:24There's nobody there.
21:26Nobody there?
21:27There's a soul in the seat.
21:29Well, that's damn suspicious for a start, isn't it?
21:33Is it a back way?
21:34Not for you.
21:36Out.
21:37Listen.
21:40If they get me, promise me you'll ring this number.
21:44Memorize it and then eat it.
21:50I'll be back in a minute.
21:51Eat it.
21:54Direct inquiries?
21:57I know.
21:58I ate it before I memorized it.
22:11Ma'am, are you still there?
22:13Listen, I'll see if I can find something to suit you
22:15instead of your blue one I'm chopping tomorrow for my trousseau.
22:19Yes, you know where I'm going.
22:21Well, no, I won't tell you what he said.
22:24He made a joke.
22:26Anyway, he's not paying.
22:27I've got my own Barclay card.
22:29Oh, yes, it was a wonderful proposal.
22:32He went down on one knee by the bed.
22:34A desk.
22:44Bye-bye.
22:45And don't go mad with your plastic credit facilities.
22:48Got to get you into training for a joint accountant.
22:50What a beautiful phrase.
22:52Joint account.
22:53It's like a dream.
22:55Let's hope I don't wake up and find it's all over.
22:58Over?
23:00Never.
23:00I want to marry you.
23:02I love you.
23:03That's something that'll never be over.
23:05How could you ever think that it will be over?
23:09It will never, ever be over.
23:13Drive on, Willy.
23:14Over my foot.
23:18And that's exactly what happened.
23:21Willy drove on over his foot.
23:34He insisted on pursuing his profession, of course,
23:37but with only partial success.
23:41Mostly, he got very good pictures of his foot.
23:50However, he still seems very keen on going ahead with our wedding,
24:01in spite of certain reservations on my part regarding the practicalities.
24:07Are you sure you're going to be able to manage to get married in that condition?
24:11Now, don't start casting aspersions.
24:14Above the knee, I'm right as nine pence.
24:16Well, eight pence.
24:18I was talking about the ceremony, not afterwards.
24:22How will you be able to stand up?
24:23Pardon?
24:24In church.
24:29I shall have to.
24:30I shall remain seated in the wheelchair.
24:32Paul Newman did it in that picture with Elizabeth Taylor.
24:36That was Marlon Brando.
24:37Was it?
24:38Was that Brando?
24:40He looked exactly like Elizabeth Taylor.
24:42What about poor old Lionel Barrymore?
24:45I mean, he used to do everything in his chair.
24:48Must have been a hell of a state in there.
24:52Look, Willy will push me to the church in the wheelchair,
24:55and you will leave Bron's house in style in the car.
24:59If it's all the same to you, I'd rather have the proper car hire people.
25:02Why, what's wrong with our car?
25:04Probert can drive it.
25:05The doors won't open, will they?
25:07And I don't think I'll be able to drive it.
25:09The doors won't open, will they?
25:11And I don't fancy lifting my wedding dress up over my head in order to climb in.
25:16Spoils the dignity of the occasion.
25:18True, true.
25:19Makes some interesting wedding photos, though, doesn't it?
25:22You in your eager black stockings.
25:24White they'd be for the wedding.
25:26Well, black, white, whatever.
25:28Still offers an intriguing opportunity for a novel view of the happy couple.
25:35At last, the day dawned.
25:38The day I had longed for.
25:41It seems strange to be parted on this day of all days.
25:47But tradition is tradition, isn't it?
26:20Oh, dear.
26:22Careful, careful.
26:26Good morning.
26:27Oh.
26:27Prayer books.
26:28Morning.
26:30Morning.
26:32Morning.
26:34Morning.
26:36Morning.
26:38Morning.
26:40Morning.
26:42Morning.
26:44Morning.
26:46Morning.
26:48Prayer books.
26:50Morning.
27:18Oh.
27:26Oh.
27:34And there he was, with his leg up in the air.
27:38It was then I knew.
27:40I could tell by the angle of it that a wedding is out of the question.
27:48I
27:55Hello
27:57Time to change my poultice is it?
27:59Come on with you. You do not to do. I just came to see if you were
28:04Painful is it?
28:07Not as painful as the memory of it
28:11Not as painful my dear Rachel is the feeling that once again. I have let you down
28:18Stranded at the old to
28:20The frenzied activity of the organist in direct contrast to my condition outside
28:26All I can say is I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart from the bottom of everything in fact
28:33Don't worry. You're forgiven of course. You're forgiven
28:37It just irks me to think of Bron and Probert swanning around Cardiff Airport on route for Paris
28:42Did you have to give them a honeymoon tickets? Oh? Well come now? Let's not be vindictive
28:47I mean they don't get a chance to go out anywhere much let alone fly in that's true
28:52I suppose you hope they enjoy the flight don't do I hope they're both sick. Oh
28:59Rachel you're a girl after my own heart. I wish you were after mine. I don't need to be do I
29:06Belongs to me already doesn't it I know
29:09Never mind, I'll always be here
29:12When you're better we try again. We will try again. Don't we oh yes of course we will certainly oh
29:20certainly
29:27Who knows we might even get married as well
29:39You
30:09You