IT'S A LIVING Season 1 Episode 2 - The Intruder
IT'S A LIVING Season 1 Episode 2 - The Intruder
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00:00Life's not the French Riviera, believe me, Life's not a charity ball,
00:10It isn't all a great big bed of roses, It's not like showbiz,
00:18But the main thing are the public, They're not the people I like,
00:24Believe me, we know, we're just not gonna make it,
00:29We may be less than we'll be, But we're not dead, we're young and healthy,
00:37And anyone who's young and healthy knows that that's a waste,
00:45The traffic flows, It's unbelievable.
01:16So, is your family still away?
01:19Yeah, they're still in Yosemite on their camping trip.
01:22You know, at first I just loved the peace and quiet.
01:25And then after that hour was up, I wanted my family back.
01:28Mario, we've got a man at table 12 who's on a special diet.
01:32He wants the fish, if it's not cooked in butter.
01:34And if it is, he'll have the chicken cordon bleu.
01:36If it doesn't have the skin, but if it does have the skin,
01:38he'll have the veal marcella if you can cook it without the wine.
01:40And if you can't do that, he wants to know what you recommend.
01:43I recommend he eat at the Mayo Clinic.
01:47Dot, the guy on table 12 said remember no oil and vinegar on his salad.
01:51Hey, Mario, I need three specials.
01:54Jan, we're on for tonight?
01:56Yes, I arranged for Ellen to spend the night with a friend.
01:59Oh, good. You know, I feel awfully silly about this.
02:02Oh, come on. You're in that big house all alone, you want a little company and you're...
02:06Scared. Well, I wouldn't be, except I told you there's been this burglar in the neighborhood.
02:10Did I tell you he hit the Robinsons?
02:12You told me.
02:13And the week before that, the Millers?
02:14You told me, and the night before that, he got the Epsteins.
02:16The Epsteins. I completely forgot about them, and they're right across the street.
02:19What are you worried about? He's probably bored with your neighborhood.
02:23Come on. We'll have a good time.
02:26Anyhow, it's been a long time since I spent the night with a friend.
02:29Or anyone.
02:33Well, Jan, Jan, I realize that this particular restaurant isn't the proper place to bring children.
02:39But when they are here, I insist that they be treated in a civilized manner.
02:43Obviously, you loathe the little rascals.
02:46Nancy, I don't loathe children. I have a child.
02:50I used to be a child.
02:52I have nothing against any child.
02:54Then why did you call one of our junior patrons a thumb-sucking rugrat?
03:01Because as I was bending over the table, he threw a scoop of ice cream down my front.
03:05Oh. Well, there's certainly room for it.
03:12Does the term bad taste mean anything to you?
03:15Yes, but I haven't got time to discuss your wardrobe.
03:21Okay, I'll see you at my place in an hour. I just want to stop by the market and pick up a couple of things.
03:26Hey, nothing for me. Please.
03:28I gotta get into a pair of pants I just bought that are a size too small.
03:32Why would you buy a pair of pants that are a size too small?
03:35Because I look terrific in them.
03:37Ah. And it was the only size left.
03:39Of course, now when I wear them, no one notices my figure, just the pain on my face.
03:44All right. I'll see you in a half hour.
03:46Wait. What's great? What are you doing?
03:48Oh, nothing. Janet's coming over.
03:49How fun!
03:51Oh, just a couple ladies sitting around talking.
03:55You wouldn't enjoy it.
03:56Oh, are you kidding? We both would.
03:59I'll bring peanuts and pretzels.
04:00No junk food.
04:01Okay, we'll bring pizza.
04:03Thank you.
04:06Girls, look, we're just going to have a cup of tea and go to bed.
04:08You're sleeping there?
04:10Yeah.
04:12What a great idea! A slumber party!
04:17A slumber party.
04:19Uh, girls, don't you think we're a little old for that?
04:22Oh, Lois, don't be so hard on yourself.
04:25Uh, Vicki, I really don't feel up for a slumber party.
04:28Oh, come on, Lois. We've never all spent an evening together.
04:33Dot, we spend a third of our lives together.
04:35But not in pajamas.
04:39Oh, come on, Lois. What do you say?
04:42I'll do it if you will.
04:45All right, all right, girls. No stuffed animals.
04:48Oh, Lois, Lois, thanks for inviting us.
04:51Oh, Lois, Lois, thanks for inviting us.
04:56Boy, Moony's a bad tipper.
05:00Guess what? We're all going over to Lois' house tonight for a slumber party.
05:05A slumber party?
05:08Why not?
05:10Gee, and I have to have a date.
05:11Oh, can't you cancel it? It'll be so much fun.
05:15Your idea of fun is spending the night with four women in pajamas?
05:19What could be better?
05:21Where do I start?
05:31Okay, Dot, you're all finished.
05:33Oh, great.
05:35Jan, you're next.
05:36Oh, Vic, I think I'll pass.
05:38Oh, come on, you'll like it.
05:41I don't want a different color polish on every toe.
05:44Back in Idaho, we did this all the time and it was so much fun.
05:48We'd paint every finger and every toe a different color.
05:51Then what?
05:52Well, then we'd all stand around and admire each other's combinations.
05:56And then we'd take them off.
05:58I get crazy just thinking about it.
06:01Lois, Lois, do you know what I've always wanted to do?
06:04I'm afraid to ask.
06:06Change your hairstyle. I can see it now.
06:08A big pigtail sticking right out the side of your head.
06:12Dot, one of my goals in life is to never have anything sticking out the side of my head.
06:18But Lois, you look so much younger.
06:21I beg your pardon?
06:23Well, not that you look old, you just don't look as young as you could.
06:27Who does?
06:29I'll shut up now.
06:30Good.
06:33What was that?
06:35What?
06:37I don't know, I thought I heard something.
06:39Oh, relax, I'm sure it's not the burglar.
06:41Burglar?
06:42What burglar?
06:43Well, there's been a burglar in Lois' neighborhood.
06:45Oh.
06:47I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
06:49It's alright, it was just the wind.
06:51Sometimes that's what they want you to think.
06:53Dot!
06:55You've got to take precautions.
06:57Get a dog.
06:59Friend of mine had a fence built around her house and got a guard dog.
07:01Did it work?
07:03Well, they don't know. Someone stole the fence and the dog ran away.
07:07Uh, girls, look, I think we're getting a little carried away with all of this,
07:11so why don't we just do something else?
07:16There's someone on the roof trying to get in.
07:19I think it must be the burglar.
07:21Oh, my God. Alright, Dot, just stay calm, I'll go look.
07:24I was looking in the mirror when suddenly I saw an arm outside reaching for the window.
07:28Did he look mean?
07:30Dot, I saw your burglar.
07:31Oh, Lois.
07:32It was a tree.
07:33Did it have a gun?
07:35Dot, it was the branch of the elm tree waving in the wind.
07:39Oh.
07:41I'm sorry.
07:42Oh, that's okay, but you see what happens when you get carried away?
07:45I mean, you made us all crazy for nothing.
07:47Why don't we just forget about this?
07:49However, if the burglar does come, I don't want him seeing the place looking like this, so could we, um...
07:55You know, Lois is right.
07:57I remember back in Detroit there were these girls who went to a slumber party.
08:01And one of them thought she heard a noise in the basement.
08:03There's someone down there. She said, I know there's someone down there.
08:06But her friend said, oh, it's your imagination, and just kept eating popcorn.
08:09And then she heard it again.
08:10She did?
08:11Yes.
08:12But they still wouldn't believe her.
08:13Everyone called her a chicken and said, oh, you're ruining our good time, so she went home.
08:17Yeah, then the next day she felt really dumb because she'd missed all the fun, right?
08:21No.
08:22The next day all her friends were dead.
08:25Surprise!
08:37What are you doing here?
08:39I was invited.
08:40Cassie, how did you get in?
08:43I didn't leave the front door unlocked, did I?
08:44Nope.
08:45Well, that's good. I didn't want to think I was that stupid.
08:48You left the keys in the front door.
08:50Well, I'll just go down and check the locks.
08:54Want some M&M's?
08:56Have you got anything for grown-ups?
08:58Want some wine?
08:59Sure.
09:00So what are you doing here anyway? I thought you had a date with that attorney.
09:03I pleaded no contest. I've had more fun with cold sores.
09:08Must have been exciting.
09:09Not until he dropped me off.
09:11How come he dropped you off here?
09:13Because it was 20 more minutes to my house, and I couldn't stand it.
09:16Besides, after Harold, I figured this has got to be a lot more fun.
09:19Oh, it is. We played Monopoly, and Dot thought she saw a man, but it was a tree.
09:24And, uh, well, next I thought we could all shave our legs.
09:31Maybe we could do this every week.
09:34Well, we're all locked up, and I found some potato chips.
09:38Potato chips.
09:41There we go.
09:47Hey, why don't we all dance?
09:50Why don't we all throw up?
09:55Why don't we all go to sleep?
09:57Hey, come on. I just got here.
09:59Yeah, Cassie's right. Besides, there's so much we haven't done yet.
10:03Like phone games.
10:05Phone games?
10:07Yeah, you know, we'll call a restaurant and ask them if they have frog's legs.
10:11And then if they say yes, we say, well, how did you get your pants on?
10:25Which bed is mine?
10:28I don't know. Who do you want to sleep with?
10:30Nobody here.
10:33Well, why don't you take Amy's room, which is the second door on the left.
10:35Oh, well, Vicky and I will take Joey's bunk beds.
10:38First one there gets the top.
10:42You know, I've never run to bed.
10:46Trotted a few times.
10:50I talk in my sleep.
10:52Oh, that's all right. I'm too tired to listen.
10:59Good night, Lois.
11:01Good night, Vicky.
11:02Good night, Jan.
11:03Good night, Vicky.
11:04Good night, Dot.
11:06You don't have to scream, Vicky. I'm right below you.
11:10Good night, Cassie.
11:12Janet.
11:32Lois?
11:33Wait a minute, honey.
11:34What was that?
11:35What?
11:36I just heard a noise downstairs.
11:38Janet, it was nothing. Go back to sleep.
11:40Go back to sleep?
11:41You asked me here in the first place because you were afraid there might be burglars.
11:43Now that I'm afraid there might be burglars, you're telling me to go back to sleep?
11:45Yeah.
11:46Please don't get hysterical. Just calm down.
11:48Oh, right. Fine. You want me to calm down? Okay, fine. I'll calm down.
11:51There's someone downstairs.
11:57Lois. Lois, we heard something.
11:59I heard it, too.
12:00Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Maybe it's just Cassie.
12:03I'll go check her room. You guys wait here.
12:05Okay.
12:06Be careful. I'll tiptoe.
12:07Shh, shh, shh.
12:09Did you lock all the doors?
12:10Of course I did.
12:11Did you lock all the windows?
12:12Yes, I locked all the...
12:14Except the one in the den that Bill hasn't fixed yet. I...
12:16Oh, gosh.
12:22This better be important. When I sleep alone, I like to get it over with.
12:31We think that there's someone downstairs.
12:33Ah, come on. Are you sure?
12:37Positive.
12:53All right. You're right. That was a noise. That was a definite noise.
12:56Maybe we have a problem.
12:57We don't have a problem. We have a burglar.
12:59Lois, what are we going to do?
13:01This could be it. The end.
13:04Let's not jump to conclusions. It could be the cat.
13:07Right. It's the cat.
13:08The cat.
13:09Let's call the police.
13:11Ah, hold it, Janet.
13:12Before we have the cat arrested, don't you think we ought to go downstairs and make sure?
13:15Absolutely.
13:16Uh-huh.
13:17Who wants to go?
13:20One potato, two potato, three potato, four potato.
13:23One potato, two potato, three potato, four potato.
13:27You don't do one potato, two potato when there's a burglar downstairs.
13:30Oh, sorry.
13:31I'll go.
13:32Cassie, Cassie, wait.
13:34Oh.
13:36Take this.
13:37Thanks.
13:38What if he's bald?
13:45I wonder what's keeping her.
13:49Let's get away from the door.
13:54Good idea.
13:58Wait a minute.
13:59It might be Bill.
14:01Bill?
14:02Your husband.
14:03I know who Bill is.
14:04Oh.
14:05Vicki's right.
14:07Bill came home early.
14:08He's downstairs with the kids fixing a sandwich.
14:10Oh, we were worried.
14:11Of course.
14:12That's what it is.
14:14Is it Bill?
14:15Does he wear a ski mask?
14:18Oh, my God.
14:19All right.
14:20Operator, help me.
14:21All right.
14:22Operator, hello?
14:23Hello?
14:25The line's dead.
14:26So are we.
14:29He must have cut the wire.
14:31I wish my father were here.
14:32Yeah, don't worry, kid.
14:33We'll get out of this.
14:35I can't breathe.
14:37You can't breathe?
14:39Here, here, here, here.
14:40Breathe into this.
14:41That's it.
14:42Deeper.
14:43Okay.
14:44All right.
14:45All right, girls, we've got to do something.
14:46Dottie, you go check that lock.
14:48Cassie, into the bathroom.
14:49See if there's any way we can get out the window to that tree.
14:52Jan, Jan, Jan, stop that.
14:55Jan, look for a weapon.
15:01Like what?
15:03How about a hat pin?
15:05A hat pin?
15:06I don't even have a hat.
15:09I'll find something.
15:10Good.
15:11Lois, if things get, you know, real bad,
15:14I don't think I'm going to be much help.
15:16Oh, Vicki, you'll be fine.
15:18Wasn't the hat pin your idea?
15:22I think I'm going to go lie down for a minute.
15:24All right, good, good, good.
15:25You stay there.
15:26Lois.
15:27What?
15:28This door won't lock.
15:29It won't?
15:30There's bubble gum in the, in the thing,
15:31and I can't get it out.
15:33Cassie, can we get out the bathroom window?
15:35That flying Walendas couldn't get to that tree.
15:39Did you notice if he had a weapon?
15:41I didn't see one.
15:42Maybe he had one in his pocket.
15:43Nope.
15:48This is just awful.
15:51There has to be something we can do.
15:53I mean, there's five of us.
15:54There's only one of him.
15:55We got him outnumbered.
15:56Unless he has a gun, or a knife,
15:57or an axe, or a machete.
15:59Oh, let's put her in charge of morale.
16:05We'll barricade the door.
16:07How?
16:08Okay, we're going to move that big chest of drawers
16:09in front of the door.
16:10Wait, wait.
16:11Won't he hear us if we start moving
16:12heavy furniture across the floor?
16:14Then we'll hide in it.
16:15Doc, you can't hide in a chest of drawers.
16:17We can't run.
16:18What can we do?
16:19Scream.
16:21Great.
16:22Running, hiding, screaming.
16:23Are those our only choices?
16:25So far.
16:27Who's taking a self-defense course?
16:35I've been planning to.
16:37Yeah, so have I.
16:38Oh, I was going to have an alarm system put in.
16:40I was going to have Bill fix all the locks.
16:42You know, you just think this is never going to happen to you,
16:44and then suddenly it's happening to you.
16:46Well, my old man was a cop,
16:48and he says the best way to stop an attacker
16:50is to kick him in his place of business.
16:54Aren't most of those guys unemployed?
16:56I mean, that's why they're stealing, right?
16:59They can't get a job.
17:04Vicki, don't talk anymore.
17:08All right, girls,
17:10now we've got to get a grip on ourselves.
17:11He doesn't want anything from us.
17:13No.
17:14Right?
17:15He's just here to take things.
17:16Take things.
17:17Let him take all he wants.
17:18All he wants.
17:19What's down there anyway.
17:20What's down there?
17:21Television stereo, my silver tea set,
17:23my kids' baby pictures.
17:24I'm going to kill him.
17:25No, no, no, no.
17:26No, no.
17:27When Bill comes back,
17:28he's not going to be upset if a tea set is missing.
17:30He will be if you are.
17:31You're right.
17:32So I want to know one thing.
17:33What do we do if he comes up here?
17:35Look, we've got the element of surprise on our side.
17:37We know he's here.
17:38He doesn't know we are.
17:39So we're going to take these sheets off the bed,
17:41put them underneath the door,
17:42and when he comes in, we're just going to...
17:43Okay.
17:44What's that?
17:45What?
17:46Shh, shh, shh.
17:47Oh, my God.
17:48He's coming up the stairs.
17:51Oh, Biffy.
17:53All right, hide.
17:54Hide.
17:55Everybody, hide, hide.
17:58Sorry, Grandma.
18:10What the...
18:24This one looks...
18:31Doc.
18:33Go over to the neighbors.
18:34Call the police.
18:35Oh, this is so dramatic, Doc.
18:36It's unfolding before their eyes.
18:38The captor becomes a captive.
18:40To the neighbors.
18:41I'm gone.
18:43Hey, you're not going to call the cops, are you?
18:45Just quiet.
18:47Oh, come on, lady.
18:48Give me a break, will you?
18:50This is the first time I've ever done something like this.
18:53Now, look, I've got a sick wife,
18:55four hungry kids.
18:57I've been trying to get a job everywhere.
18:59I can't get arrested.
19:01Stick around.
19:04Mom, it's...
19:06Maybe we should let him go.
19:08What?
19:10He knows who you are, where you live.
19:12What happens if he wants revenge and comes back?
19:15What happens if we don't put him away?
19:17I mean, he could do this again.
19:19Vicki, do you want somebody else to go through
19:21what we went through tonight, or maybe worse?
19:24Let's nail him.
19:25Right.
19:27Lois, Lois, guess what?
19:29The police are on their way.
19:30No, I couldn't get the front door unlocked.
19:36Okay, Mrs. Adams, that should do it.
19:38We'll notify you when the trial comes up.
19:40Thank you, officer.
19:42I can't believe it, you're just chicks.
19:44And you're just caught.
19:46Yeah, but chicks.
19:48Women.
19:49Whatever.
19:51Well, let me show you out.
19:52Uh, I'll do it.
19:53Oh, that's all right.
19:54Oh, come on, let her do it.
20:00You know something?
20:02I feel great.
20:03It's nice to know we're not helpless.
20:05We can defend ourselves.
20:07As long as we travel in a pack.
20:09All right, squad, I think we better hit the sack.
20:12You know, even though it took all of us,
20:14I feel really good.
20:16I don't think I'll be as scared from now on.
20:18Good.
20:19Well, let's get to bed.
20:21Okay.
20:22You know, I never realized
20:24just how big this bed really is.
20:26That's a queen size.
20:28Oh, no, no, that's much bigger than a queen.
20:30All right, come on.
20:36Oh, great.
20:40Oh, brother.
20:43Oh, come on, Cassie.
20:45If we squeeze over, we can fit one more in.
20:48Nah, I'll take the chair.
20:53Good night, Lois.
20:55Good night, Vicki.
20:57Good night.
20:59Good night, Jan.
21:01Good night, Vicki.
21:03Good night, Dot.
21:05Good night, Vicki.
21:07Good night, Cassie.
21:09Can it.
21:29It's a living.